Rates of Advertising.
"1
One Square (1 Inch,) one Insertion ft 0
One Squar " one month .100
OneNipiare " three months... 9 09
OneSiiare " one year 10 00
Two Squares, one year 00
Quarter Col. " 00
18-rVBI.lsnED BVERY TUESDAY, BY
' "W. It. DUNN.
ySTtce In Krox's Building, Eln Street.
b OREST
EPUBLICAN.
Half " " W l
One " " 100 Oil
TERMS, $2.00 A YEAH.
No Subscriptions received for a shorter
period than throe month.
Correspondence solicited from nil parts
of the country. No notice will be tuken of
annonymotuj communications.
Marriages and Doath notice Inserted
gratia.
Business Cards, not exceeding one Inoh
In length, f 10 per year.
".Let us havo Faitli that Right makes Might; and in that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as wo Understand it."--LINCOLN.
Legal notices at established rates.
These rates are low, and no deviation
till be made, or discrimination among
patrons. The rates offered are such, hs
will make It to the advantageof men dob,
VOL. IV. NO. 16.
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, JULY 25, 1871.
$2 PER ANNUM.
business in the limits of the circulation of
the paper to advertise liberally.
R
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
J TIONESTA LODGE, NO. 477,
. ' " I. O. Gk T.
fATetovry Wednesday evening, at 8
' ITl o'clock.
W. R. DUNN, W. C. T.
'. M. W. TATE, W. S.
WlWTON PETTIS. MILKS W. TATE.
PETTIS St TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
mlm Street, . TIONESTA, PA.
Isaac Ash,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Oil City, Pa.
Will pmctloo In the various Courts of
Forest County. All business entrusted to
is cars will receive prompt attention.
V. W. Mason,.
A TTORNttY AT LAW. Office on Elm
iA. Bluest, aboveYaluut, Tionesta, Pa.
C. W. Gllflllan,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
nango Co., Pa. -tf.
N. B. Smiley,
ATTORNKY AT LAW, Petroleum Cen
tre, l'a. Will practice in the several
Courts of Forest County. 85-ly
Holmes House,
HMOXEST, PA., opposite the Depot.
1 C. 1. Hffiblo, Proprietor. Jood Sta
bling connected with the house. tf.
Jos. Y. Sau
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Throe doors north of Holmes
House, Tionesta, l'a. All work Is war
ranted, tf.
Syracuse House,
rpiDIOUTE, Pa., J. A D Maoeb, Prople--L
tor. The house has been thoroughly
refitted and is now in tho lirst-class order,
' with tho best of aocoiiinioil.il ions. Any
nforiuntion concerning Oil Territory at
this point will be cheerfully furnished,
-lw J. AI. MAGEE,
Exchange Hotel,
IOWKH TIDIOUTE, Pa., TVS. Rams
J vkkl A Son I'rop's. This house having
been retitod is now the mostdesirahlestop
ping place In Tidioute. A good Billiard
Koom attached. 4-ly
National Hotel,
TRVINEfON, PA. W. A. Hallenback,
Proprietor, This hotel Is Nbw, and is
. .ow open as a first elass house, situate at
'' rejnnctfon of the Oil Creek A Allegheny
ittvernnd Philadelphia A Krie Railroads,
pposite the Depot. Parties having to lay
ver trains will rind this the most converi
nt hotel in town, with first-class accom
nodatlons and reasonable charges, tf.
TlUt Sons & Co.'s
NEW ENGINES. The undersigned hare
forsale and will receive orders for the
above Engine. Messrs. Tint Sons A Co,
are now sending to this market their Vi
lloma Power Engine with 14-Horsd Power
Holler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
Officios at Duncan A Chalfant's, dealers
In Well Fixtures, Hardware, etc., Main St.
next door to Chase House, Ploa-santvlllo,
and al Mansion House, Tliusviue.
tf. K. BRETT A SON, Agents.
Joh.n, K. Hallock,
A TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
-fx Patcnts.No. 5(55 French street(opposlte
neea iiousei t.ne, ra. win practice in
' thesovoral State Courts and the United
States Courts. Special attention given to
sollcitii'tf patents for Inventors ; infringe
tuents, re-issue and extension of patents
ntroruiiy attention to. iteierenees: nun,
James Campbell, Clarion: Hon. John H.
nt..w...t i.vu..L-ii.. tr i. a a it
Richmond, Meadville; W. E. Lathy.' Ti-
oiieeta. J. I
Dr. J. L. Aconb,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has
had fifteen years' experience in a large
nna successnu practice, win attona an
Professional Calls. UtUce in his Drug and
, Grocery Stota, located in Tidioute, uour
iiuiouie nous.
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines. Lienors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, Glass, Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, and line Groceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
H. R, BURGESS, an experienced Drug
gist from New York, has charge of tiie
More. All prescriptions put up accurately
W. p, Mercilllott, .
Attorney at I a w .
AND
DEAL ENTATE AGENT,
TIONESTA, PA.
ar-tf '
JOHN A. DALE, PSEI'T.
OHM. PROPER, VICt PRE tT. A. H.STEELE, CA8HR
TIOTTESTA
'SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Bunk transacln a Genoral Banking,
Collecting and Exchange Business.
liratls on the Principal Cities of the
United States and Europe bought and sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7 -HO Honda
converted on the most favorable terms.
J merest allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4, tf.
XOT1CI2.
TAR. J. N. BOLARD, of Tidioute, has
J-f reltirnsti to ins practice alter an ali
sonce of four months, spent in the Hospi
tals of New York, where will altoitd
calls in his profrsslon.
Ollico in Eureka Drug Store, Sd door
tuove tne uuiiK, luiioiuu, l'a. 4'.'tt
WANTED AGENTS FOIi
Triycnpfis of Eaterprlse,
BY JAMES PARTON.
A Hew Rook, 700 octavo pagos, well
illustrated, iutciiKcl y interesting, und very
instriii'tivc. Exclusive territory given.
Our 'rnnnu urn tli tunfct l.ilirsl. Aitnlv
tj us, and seo if they are not. A. !-.
H A L.E iS i n,, tlitrtloM, Conn.
U-iw
GREAT EXCITEMENT!
at the.'Storo of
D. S. KNOX, St. CO.,
Elm St., ioncsta Fa.
Wo are in daily receipt 01 the argsst and
MOST COMPLETE stock 0
CsIlOCKIlIllH
mmI
rnovisioxN,
EVER BROUGHT TO THIS MARKET
BOOTS & SHOES I
FOR TUB
MILLIONS!
whUh we are determined to sell regardless
of prlees.
AND
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac., Ac,, Ac., which we olfor at greatly re
duced prices.
FURNITURE! FURNITURE ! !
of all kinds,
PARLOR SUITS,
CHAMBER
LOUNGES,
WHATNOTS,
SPRING BEDS,
MATRE8SES,
LOOKING GLASS
ES, Ac., Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see,
7-tr
D. S. KNOX, A CO.
INSURANCE
CO. OF NORTH AMERICA,
No. 233 Walnut St Phila.
Incorporated 1794. Charter Perpetual
MARINE, INLANDS. FIRE INSURANCE
Assets j an; i, isou, $i,.io,u.o
$20 000,000 losses paid since its organiza
tion. WM. BUHLEK, Central Agent,
Harrisburg, Pa.
MILES W. TATE, Agent in Ti
onesta, Forest County, Pa.
e Urn
REDUCTION OF PRICES
TO CONFORM TO
REDUCTION OF DUTIES
GREAT SAVING TO CONSUMERS.
BY GETTING UP CLUBS.
aa,Send for our new Price IJst and-
Club Form will accompany it, containing
full directions making a large saving to
consumer- and remunerative club organ -
izors
The fr eat American Tea
Company,
81 A 88 VESEY STREET,
P. O. BOX 5043. NBW YORK, li-it
500 VOLUMES IN OXE.
AGENTS WANTED
FOR
The Library of Poetry and Song,
Being Choice SeleeMons from the Best
1'oets, hJngiisli, Hcolcli, lrisn ami Allien
can. With an Introduction by
WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT.
Under whose critical supervision the
volume was t-oinpileil.
The handsomest and cheapest subscrip
tion book extant. Over KIH) pages, beauti
fully printed, choicely illustrated, hand.
sonicly bound. A Library of over 5o0
volumes in one book, whoso contents, of
no ephemeral nature or interest, will never
grow old or stale. It can be, and will lm
road and re-reail Willi pleasure oy oni ami
voiimr. as long as its leaves hold together.
"A perfect surprise. Scarcely anything
all all a favorite, or at all worthy of place
here, is neglected. It is a book for every
household." A'. 1'. Mail.
"ne know of no similar collection in
the English language which, in copious
ness uii.l felicity til selection and arrange
ment, can at all compare with it." V. Y,
Junta.
Terms liberal. Selling very rapidly
Solid tor Circular ana Terms to
tt i.-j . it i . t. rr
! Park Place, N. Y
June 0, INT.
SUBSCRIBE fia-tho Forest RopHcrn
S 11 Will Y.
"THE OTHER YOUNG MAN."
From tho Harvard Advocate.
O, mother, I've had a gorgeous timet I
was there from even till ten.
Such glorious fun, snch a beautiful place
and mnthor, such splendid men I
Ob, I wish that I was a student t and, moth
er, I saw Cousin Ned j
He has grown to be "perfectly lovelj,"
and had a still lovelier spread.
For only think, mother, as Fan and I got
out of t hat horrid car,
Cousin Ned camo up with another young
man ; so we didii't need dear papa.
But we gave him our shawls and umbrol-
las to hold ; and Ned he weflt oil with
Fan;
Butjie indrodnced mo mother, why do
you frown T to his comrade, the othor
young man.
Ho was "perfectly splendid 1" We went to
the ehurtfh ( and mother dear, wasn t
It fun T
I recognized lots of fellows there before tho
oration was done.
And, mother, what are "Peelers f" I tho't
It a regulnr sin
For the whole Froshman class to cry
"Peelers," and make such a noise com
ing In.
ne carried me round to the spreads, moth
er; It was Just like a matlnoe ball ;
And then he and I had a tete-a-tcte in ro
mantic Old Holworthy Hali.
He made me smoke, mother, a woe cigar
ette ; I drank my first glass of cham
pagne ;
And I fibbed when he spilled ice cream on
my dress for I told him it wouldn't
stain.
Then I wont to the dance round tho tree,
mother ; it was reallyabcautifulscene,
Though the Sophmores pushed the poor
Freshmen around j and I thought that
was terribly .jean,
While tho Seniors embraced one another
with such an affection and vim,
That, mother, I folt really Jealous, when I
saw all his friends hugging Aim.
When be got through that horrible hug
ging, we went to a lot of nice "teas,"
And we adjourned from the rooms, moth
er, to a quiet spot under the trees.
He was splendid ! he said I was lovely.
Do you think that was just tho right
. tldngT
And, mother, he gave me a keepsake ; see,
here it is only a ring.
I spoke to him by his first name, mother;
you really don't think that he d care;
He callod me by mine, and I didn't.
gave him a lock of my hair,
Which he kissed, and then put In his
watch, mother; and a watch, you
know, llos next the heart.
Papa cruelly came at the moment, and I,
alas 1 had to depart.
Ho said he would walk to the station ; now
mother dear, wasn't that kind T
Ned and Frank made remarks about
"spooning,"and giggled, Uko children,
behind.
But, mother dear, while we wore walking
how nico it was down to the car.
He said something "perfectly splendid,"
I'll toll you to-morrow, mamma, o,
When is a ship like a scarf pin?
When it 13 on the bosom ol a heavy
swell.
"I thouarht vou told me. doctor, that
Smith's fover had eone off?
"Oh, yes: but it and smith wentolt
together.
An exchange wanting to compli
ment a live stock journal, nays it is
edited by a man whose head is chuck
full of live stock. Doubtful compli
ment.
A western clergyman has become
suddenly rich, and his fear that it will
become known that he gained his mon
ey in a lottery makes him feel very
miserable.
It is a singular what a fund of infor
mation Greeley has. One day in New
Orleans, some inquisitive follow asked
him how to stop the crevasse. . "Dam
it, sir ; don't ask me," was the charac
teristic, not to Bay appropriate reply.
A notorious gambler, who has ruined
his constitution by high living and
hard drinking, said to his physician
the other day, "Doctor, I sufJer the
paius of the damned."
"Yeu may think so now," grimly re
plied the physician, "but just hold on
a little whilo longer, and you will Cud
out the difference."
The BatesrSwan wedding, in Lon
don, recently, was undoubtedly the
tallest affair of the seascn, Bates is 8
feet long when standing up, and about
the same lying down. Lying or stand
ing, he weighs 400 pounds. The bride
of Bates is a few inches taller than her
husband, and about the same weight.
It is not stated where her wedding
troiu&euu was procured, but it is esti
mated that there were about six acres
of it.
Of the very funny things which cause
tears of laughter to drool out of the
mouths of the intellectual Democracy
in these days, the following is a fair
specimen :
JUST THINK 09 IT.
If all the world was bdndle pups,
And all the sea was chink,
And all the corn wouldn't make a horn,
What would Grant have to drink f
It's enough to make old Greeley
Scratch his head and think.
Comio Geography America.
America, or as it is mora rtroncrlv
termed, the United States of America,
is a lengthy pitch of ground, stretch
ing North and South from Boston as
far as can be seen through a piece of
smoked glass with the naked eye.
Jt was formerly supposed to be 4,-
800 miles long, but from a lute mea
surement it was found to be 2,400 miles
short.
The United States, in power and ex
tent, wallops all creation. It is the
most grandiferous, giirautic, galorious
country on the face of the green earth,
any where between sunrise and sunset.
The natives are more enlightened, talk
more bunkum, make better cocktails,
manufacture more greenbacks, eat
more pumpkin pie, drive laster trotting
horses, chow more tobacco, expectorate
more freely, have more steamboat ex
plosions, longer rivers, larger prairies,
more quack doctors, less bitrcer Bunk
er Hill Monuments, smaller self es
teem, larger national debt, richer shod
dy and petroleum aristocrats, larger
eagles and buffaloes, mofe Mormons
aud more Star Spangled Bai.ners than
the natives of the Sandwich Islands
and New Jersey together.
1 be copartnership started in 17ib
with 13 (which, kneadless to say, is a
bakers dozen) of States. The rest have
been taken in since. The Southern
States considered themselves taken in
considerably, if any dependence can
bo placed in the statements of Jeff
Davis, a- celebrated historian, and a
native of Connecticut bv his first wife.
The inhabitants reside principally
in brown stone houses, and depend, to
a great extent, for subsistence, upon
eating and drinking. They eat pump
kin pie and tobacco.and drink Bourbon
and "Jersey Lightnen." The climate
is temperate, which speaks well for the
extraordinary exertions of John B.
Gough.
' The principal State is called Massa
chusetts. This State derived its name
from the following curious incident:
Several years ago, a colored African
slave of the negro persuasion, cultivat
ed the tobacco plant in the vicinity of
i r T v- j. .1 T" ;
ixisiou. vjne uay, as one oi tne r uri
tana was passing the slave, he asked
the contraband if he used tobacco.
"No, sah," replied Sambo. "I hoes
it, but Mama ehewg it."
John Quincy Adams was so sensibly
struck with the originality of the idea
that he immediately proposed to the
"select men" that they should choose
it for the name of the State.
Boston, its principal village, is uni
versally known as the "Hub" of the
Universe, around- which all creation
revolves. Its chief productions are
Crooked btcets and big Organs. It has
long been famous for its Baked Beans
and Brown Bread, (AVw Jieaiuv.
John Brown was bred iu Virginia, but
a singularly beautiful, classical ballad,
supposed to have becu written by Bret
llarte, states J.lmt at present "his body
lies mouldering in the groun !.") Bos
ton is justly celebrated for i( literati.
The greatest living baid is residing in
the "Hub." He is tailed the Hub
Bard and is supposed to be a lineal de
cendent of Old Mother Hubbard, an
adopted wife of Cotton Mather, one of
the Pilgrim step-fathers. Boston is
also noted for its Com mon Schools,
which are as free as the wild ante
lope. The Schools are not called Com
mon Schools because they are on the
Common, yet they are uncommon fine
Schools. The Common's cool in Win
ter, and the boys and girls who attend
it poud-er studiously when they are
learning to skate.
Salem which is noted for its Witches,
isnluasaully situated in the vicinity
if Massachusetts. Tho report, that
the Witch of Eudor had requested to
end her days there, lacks confirmation.
The inhabitants subsist principally on
Sandwiches and are generally well
bred. They are also largely engaged
in shipping. They build vessels and
tail' em. In ancient times it was gen-,
erally supposed that the human race
was divided into two sexes male aud
female. This idea is, however, hardly
correct, for by referring to our atlas.it
was at las-t discovered that there is a
Middlesex iu Massachusetts.
Plymouth was the landing place of
the Pilgrim Fathers, who came over
in the great bastreu, commanded by
' Christopher Columbus, which is graph
ically described iu Byron's Pilgrims
Piogress, showing how well the pil
grims progressed while crawling up
the rock. Ueneral George Washing
ton is generally known as the pilgrim
"Father of his country." When quito
a small boy he cut dswn a dried ap
ple tree to show his mother that he
couldn't tell a lie. On Plymouth rock
the first cradle of Liberty was rocked
by one of the Pilgrim Mothers,
i New Bedford was formerly noted for
its rum aud fisheries, but Nan-tuck it
all away.
New Hampshire is principally in
habited bv mountains. They belong
to the White family, and consist of
seven or eight peaks, each one aver
aging about 6,000 feet high which is
very good for high. The natives have
a peak-uliur appearance, ana live
chiefly on shoddy tourists who go there
for a change of climb. The Notch, a
: deep, narrow gorge about two miles
long through the mountains, has quite
a gorge-ous appearace.
Maine is pleasantly located in East
port, nearly opposite to Grand Manan.
Grandma Nan is Baid to be tho "old
est inhabitant" in that region. An
"onreliable cum" from Noo Jersey
said that "Maine was not worth a
dam." This statement is diabolically
false. The Kenebeo is crossed by a'
prodigious dam creating numerous mill
sites. The Millcite tribe of Indians
are located here in large quantities.
Calais, although generally supposed to
be a peaceable little town, is noted for
its "mills." The population, are chif-
ly Mill writes. The Millcrite doctrine
is the established religion.
Pennsylvania was settled by ing-
lish Quake's under W. Penn, who is
noted for his up-write deelings with
the Indians. Being honest, he could
not be called a steel Pcnn. Cincinnati
has been made pig-culiarly famous by
its pen, having been settled by the de
scendants of Ham. Phila Jelphia, its
capital, is capitally laid out in regular
streets. A large amount of capital
has probably been laid but to produce
such a fine appearance a good deal
of work is done on the square there.
Pete Roleum is the well-thiest man in
State. He owns several ile-lands, and
is supposed to be a descendant of the
Bore-bons. In fuctp he says he has
been on the "Bourbon" thrown.
Oregon is so called after a Mormon
gentleman O'Regan. It is chiefly noted
for being the residence of "Low the
poor Indian" and his family. They
depend principally on scalping for a
livelihood, and barely manage, by so
doing, to "make both ends meet."
Some one who has observed their mode
of flourishing a tomahawk says "they
must do a flourishing business; though
not very sharp they are noted as hair
raisers.
May a turkey be Baid to bo a ghost
when it is a-gobunr
Laugh at no man for his pug nose
you can t tell what may turn up.
What leads people to buy all sorts
of trash at auctions ? more bid curios
ity.
If you would lay in a supply of old
wine, be sure and make ltoutot elder
berries. If a man gets up when day breaks,
can he be said to nave the whole day
before him.
There were one hundred and twenty-nine
applications for divorce in
Chicago last week.
The difference between an editor
and his wife it, the one writes articles
to set, and the other sets articles to
rights.
A Connecticut editor uukindly al
hides to a rival editor's head as the
Polar regions, because it is a great
white bare place.
An Oshkosher, fearing his friends
dulu t appreciate him dined moodily
on bread aud butter and rat poison,
and silently stole away.
An exchange mentions a case be
yond the i rdinary oculisis. It is that
ot a young lady who instead oi a pu
pil has a college student in her eye.
An old bachelor having been laugh
ed at by a bevy of pretty girls, told
them they were small potatoes. "We
may be small potatoes," replied one of
them, "but we are sweet ones."
A Maryland paper has the following
"personal:" "Senator Grimes is home,
that good old soul, we soon shall see
him more; his health is better than it
was for several years before."
A Wisconsin paper tells about a
girl who hated her suitor to such an
extent, that when he called to see her
on Sunday evening, she threw her arms
about his nerk and squeezed him al
most to death. The youth was so
alarmed that he didn't call again the
next evening.
Thirsty geut enters the bar-room of
a first-class hotel early in. tho day:
'Landlord, I guess I've got sense
enough to take a drink this morning.'
Obsequious barteuder furnishes the de
sired beverage, and the thirsty gent
smiles, smacks his lips and remarks:
'Well, old tol, that's prime, but I'm
cussed if I've got cents enough to pay
for it.' Exit with flying colors.
An observant young man in Port
land, Maine, grc tly admired a mar
ried lady of that town, and was in the
habit of looking iu at her wiudow as he
passed. Oue duy ho saw her wave a
handkerchief, aud forthwith rang the
door-bell. After he was picked out of
the gutter a few moments later, aud
his contusions dressed by the nearest
surgeon, it was explained to him that
the ludy was merely bhukiug some
crumbs from a nupkiu.
Patrick saw a bull pawing iu a field,
and thought what fuu it would bo to
catch him by the horns and rub his
tiose in the dirt. The idea was so fuu
ny that he laid down and laughed to
think of it. The more he thought of it
the funnier it seemed, and he deter
mined to do it. Taurus quickly tossed
him over the fence. Put leisurely
picked himself up with tlie consolatory
remark: "Well it's a mi-lily foiue
j thing I had my laugh foorst."
High pitch Tarring the roof.
Down in the world A miner.
Name for a shoemaker's wife Peg
gy-
For a fisherman's wife Net-ty.
The land of Cain A sugar planta
tion.
The best cure for poverty A sine
cure.
Waste of colors Ladies blushing
unseen.
To remove stains from character
Get rich.' "
The 'bump of destructiveness' A
railway collision.
Doing a roaring business Keeping
a wild beast show.
Applicable to an angel What on
earth are you doing?
When is a baby most like a cherub!
When it constantly doth cry.
A warning for fashionable assem
blies Look otit for tho paint.
Wanted to know now many square
rods are contained in a wiseacre.
Little fish have a proper idea of
business they start on a small scale.
His forehead extended to the gable-
end of his neck' means in America he
was bald-headed.
If a Gentile when visting a Jew
Bhould ask for roast pork he would at
once be set down as a hog.
What does a grocer do with all his
things before he sells them ? Gives
them a weigh.
A school girl's conundrum is : What
State is round on both ends and high
in the middle? Ohio.
A traveler says that 'In cold North
ern countries, by a wise provision of
Nature, the mountains are clad in hrs.
When should a woman go into tho
timbei trade? When she pines for her
lover, who is a spruce young man, and
of whom she thinks a great deal.
If you want your horse shod don't
send a German groom with him to
deliver the message. He will be quite
as likely to insist upon having him
shot!
A tradesmen having sunk his shop
a oouple of feet, announces that, in
consequence of rocent improvements,
goods will be sold considerably lower
than formerly
A club of heupecked husbands met
once a week that meeting being their
only day of enjoyment and rest. When
they adjourned they called it tho ris
ing ot the tied
What is taking a man's name in
vain? Our devil answers the question
thusly: 'Gorging a mans name to
note, and then obtaining nothing cn
the note. Kurroct,
A woman who never owned a Bible
supposed she was quoting it when she
greeted her son, who came homo to
keep Thanksgiving, in the following
words: 'Hero comes the latted call.
A tanner having married thedaugh
ter of a butcher, the bells were rung
in honor of the occasion. It was ask
ed what the bells were ringing for.
'Ouly a union between skin aud bono,
was the answer.
A poor widow woman was relating
to a neighbor how foud her husband
was of having a good fire ; how busy
he would make himself in fixing it so
that it would burn. 'Ah. poor dear
man,' said she, 'I hope he's gone where
they keep good flies.'
During a late performance of the
'Lady of Lyons,' at the Mormon thea
tre in Salt Lake City, an old elder got
up and indignantly walked out of the
house with his twenty-four wives, mut
tering, 'I won't stay and see a play
where a man makes such au awful fool
of himself about one woman 1'
A good anecdote is told of a. house
painter's son. who used the brush dex
terously, but had acquired the habit
of putting it on too thick. One day
his father, after huviug frequently
scolded hiin for his lavish daubing,
and all to no purposo, gave him a se
vere flagellation. 'I here, you young
rascal 1' after performing the painful
puty; 'how do you like that?' 'Well,
I don't kuow,' whined tho boy, in re
ply ; 'but it scenis to me that you put
it on a thuuduriu' sight thicker than I
did.'
Au old weather-beaten trapper was
sauntering along the main street of
one of our Western villages on a re
cent Sunday. Passing iu Front of a
meeting house, for a monieut he went
iu and took his seat among the con
gregation. Tho preacher was discours
ing on the text of "the sheep aud the
wolves," aud had evideutly been draw
ing a contrast between the two sub
jects, bays he :
"We who assemble here from week
to week, aud do our duty and perform
our part, are the sheep ; now, then, who
are tho wolves !"
A pause aud our friend, the trapper,
rose to his feet.
"Waal, stranger, rather than see tho
pluy stopped, 1 will be the wolves."
The preacher prououueed the bone
dictiou at once.
Honor, with some, is a sort of paper
credit with which men are obliged to
trade, who are deficient in the sterling
cash of morality and religion. Do
not be over-fond of anything, or con
sider that for your interest which
makes you oreax you wora, quis your
modesty, or incline you to any prac
tice which will not bear the light.
Remember, that he is indeed the
wisest aud the happiest man who, by
constant attention of thought, discov
ers the greatest opportunity of doing
good, with ardent and animated reso
lution, breaks tnrough every opposi
tion, that he may improve those oppor
tunities.
Love in its varied phases, can only
acquire purity ef diguity, when guid
ed by an inward power over ourselves;
that is in itself the very germ of vir
tue. The darkest day in any man's career
is that wherein ho fancies there is sorao
easier way of getting a dollar than by
squarely earning it.
It will afford sweeter happiness in
the hour of death to have wiped one
tear from the cheek of sorrow than to
havo ruled an empire.
If you fall into misfortune, disen
gage yourseii as wen as you can.
Creep through the bushes that have
the fewest briars.
Tt is very dangerous for any man to
find any spot on the broad globe that
is sweeter to him than his home.
The secrets of nature are the se
crets of God part of that glory into
which man is not to press too boldly.
Self-will is so ardent and active.that
it will break a world to pieces to make
a stool to sit on.
It is the privilege of human nature
above brutes, to lovo those that dis
oblige us.
In nravcr. it is better to havo a
heart without words, than words with
out a heart.
Modesty seldom resides in a breast
that ia not enriched with noble vir
tues. There is no fear in love ; but perfect
love casteth out fear.
The most difficult tVing in life is to
know yourself.
Painting is silent poetry, and pootry
of speaking, picture.
The good, for virtue's sake, abhor
sin.
Four weighty Indianians, averaging
345 pounds apiece, are to have a toot
race.
Mrs. Fair (Iaum D.) says she can
not realise that she has hurt Mr. Crit
teudou. But Mrs. Crittendon docs.
We have hoard of but one old wo
man who kissed her cow, but there aro
thousands of young ones who havo
kissed great calves.
A beautiful complexion is tho most
useful beauty a woman can have. Like
charity, it "covers a multitude of sins"
against all the known laws of contour
aud proportion.
Mr. Braxton Bragg, Jr., a son of
the rebel General Bragg, and another
young man named Madison Wilson,
indulged in a little shooting match in
Mobile on Saturday, Wilson was kill
ed, and that ended the sport.
If a woman will, she will. To prove
this statement we have the case of
Mary Fitzpatrick, who, being arrested"
aud locked up on Monday in Troy, at
tempted to commit suicide by digging
a hole in her rm with her thumb
nail.
A girl in a Third avenue car was re
moustrated with by the conductor for
using profane language. She arose at
once, aud bowing politely to the other
feminine passengers, begged to be ex
cused, saying she had forgotten tbero
were ladies present.
A woman who went into a photo
graph establishment in Philadelphia,
the other day, to have a picture of her
baby taken, gave the child a prelimi
nary spanking, in order, as she Baid,
"to bring a healthy bloom into its
cheeks, so it would make a pretty pic
ture." Mr. Mitford. in his "Talk of 01.1
Japan," says that nudity in the bath
where both soxes plunge in together,
is as innocent in the eyes of the Japa
nese as the low uecked dresses of our
ladies is in our estimation. The most
scrupulously modest Japanese women
has no more scruple iu bathing with
her whole circle of acquaintances than
has the Long Branch belle iu seekiug
tho surf in the presence of her mascu
line admirers.
In a town in Ohio, not long ago, the
wenicn went iu bauds of two and three
with thier knitting and sewing into tho
dramshops of that place, and spent
the whole day with their work, aud
talking politely on various topics.
Husbuiitls and friends came iu, saw
how things looked, and had not the
courage to step up to the bar and
drink. TU. was kept up for several
days, aud the result was every shop iu
tho p):i"t was elo-eii.
i