The Forest Republican. (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, May 02, 1871, Image 1

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    i&Jic orf$t jgfpuWira.
Dmc9 In Krox's Building. Elrr Street.
No Subscription reeclvod for a nhorter
period limn mreo montlm.
Correspondence solicited from nil parts
of the country. No notice will betaken of
annonymoiis communications.
Marriages and Death notice Inserted
I. O. Gk T.
JlTeet every Wednesday evening, at S
IfX o'clock.
w. K. 1(JN, W. C. T.
U. TV. TATE, W. S.
Isaac Ash,
-TV Will practice In the various Court of
r orest County. All business entrusted to
alt car will receive prompt attention,
w ly
W. W. Mason,
A TTORXEY AT l.A W. Office on Kim
4 a- Street, abOT Walnut, Tlonesta, Pa
C W. Gil Milan,
TTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, V-
.. nango v;o., ra. ar.
N. B. Smiley,
ATTOHWEY aT LAW, Petroleum Cen
tre, Pa. Will practice in the several
i.uuru or forest County, 85-ly
Holme House,
rpiOXFSTA. PA., opposite the Depot,
X C. I). Mabie, Proprietor. Good 8ta.
bllng connected with the house. tf.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors north of Holmei
Home, Tlonesta, Pa. All work is war
rant 9(1. tf.
Syracuse House,
rpiMOUTK', Pa., J. A 1 Maoris, Prople-
tors, i ne House Has been thoroughly
relltted and is now in the tirst-claaa order,
with the best of accommodation. Any
nfermation concerning Oil Territory at
uns point win oe cueoriutiv uirnisneri.
ly J. i D. MAQKE,
Exchange Hotel,
T OWKR TIDIOUTE."Pa.. I). 8. Rams
JLd niKL Hon Prop'. This house having
oeen re n tea is now me most acsirnoie stop
ping place in Tidioute. A good Billiard
Room attached. 4-ly
National Hotel,
TRVINETON, PA. W. A. Hallenback,
Proprietor. This hotel la New, and is
ow open as a first class house, situate at
injunction or the Oil Creek Allegheny
diver and Philadelphia A Krie Railroads,
pposlte the Depot. Parties havinn to lav
ver trains will find this the most conven-
ent hotel in town, with n rat-class accom
nodstion and reasonable charge, tf.
Tiflt Sons ft Co.'s
NEW ENGINES. Thennderslgned have
for sale and will receive order for the
aliove Engine. Messrs. Tim Hons A Co.
are now sendinir to this market their 12-
Horse Power Kngine with 14-Horse Power
Boiler peculiarly adapted to deep well.
OpCices at Duncan t Chalfant', dealer
In Weil Fixtures, Hardware, &c., Main St.
next door to Chase House, Pleasantvllle,
and at Mansion House. Titnsville.
tf. K. BRETT A SON, Agents.
John K. Hallock,
A TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
J A patents, A o. eov t rench Rtrect(opposite
need House) r.rie, ii. win practice in
thostveral Slate Courts and the United
States Courts. Special attention given to
soliciting patents for Inventors ; Infringe
ments, re-issue and extension of patent
uu'efully attended to. References: Hon.
James Campbell, Clarion) Hon. John H.
McCalmont, Franklin; II. L. fe A. H.
Richmond, Meadville; W. E. Lathy. Ti
onesta. 2 7
Dr. J. L. Acorrjb,
had fifteen Tears' experience in a large
and successful practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Orllce In his Drug and
Grocery Store, located iu Tidioute, near
Tidioute House.
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, Glass, Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, and line Groceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
II. R. BURGESS, an experienced Drug
gist from New York, has charge of the
Store. All prescriptions put up accurately.
W. P. Mercllllott,
Attorney at L.w.
JOHN A. oalc, psil'T.
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Rank transacts a General Banking,
Collecting and Exchange Business.
Drafts ou the Principal Cities of the
United States and Europe bought and sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-30 Bonds
converted on the most favorable terms.
Interest allowed ou time deposits.
Mar. 4, tf.
DR. J. N. BOLARD, of Tidioute, has
returnsd to his practice after an ab
sence of lour months, spent in the Hospi
tals of New York, whore will attend
calls In his profession.
Oflice in Eureka Drug Store, 8(1 door
above the bauk, Tidioute, Pa. 4'Jtf
50 C'lU
Something urgently needed by eveiy body
Call and examine, or sample sent postage
raid for hO eta that retail easily for $10. It.
Wolcott, 181 Chatliriii 8q., N. Y. 4il-4t
DEAFNESS, Catarrh and Scrofula. A
ludy who had suffered tor years from
Deafnes, Cuuurh and H-rol'ula, was cured
by a simple remedy. Her a.vinputhy and
gratitude prompts her to beuil the receipts
free of charge ty anv one similarly afllict
ed. Addreua Mrs. it. C. Deggeit, Jersey
v, N. J. i-4t
" Let us have Faith
VOL. IV. NO. 5.
at the Store of
D. S. KNOX, ic CO.,
Elm St., ionesta Ta.
W are In daily receipt Oi ta rfestand
ron TUB
which we are determined to sell regardless
of prioe.
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac., Ac,, Ac,, which w offer at greatly re
duced prices. ' '
of all kinds,
ES, tc, Ac., Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see.
T-tf D. S. KNOX. A CO.
l.initARv nv nivTuv v-r
KONG. The handsomest and cheapest '
wora exieiu. 11 nas something in itot the
best for evory one, for the old, the middle-aged
and the young and must become
universally popular. Excepting tho Bible
mis win ue ine dook most lovod and the
nicst frequently referred to in the family.
eye of the rcat poet,
iwery page has paasod under the critical
Bare chance for bust
book of its kind ever sold by subscription.
Send at once for circulars, Ac., to
GEO. MACLEAN. Publisher.
S6-4t 719 Sansoin St.. Philadeli.hia. Pa.
SEASON Of 1870-71.
Important Improvemens.
Patent June 21st and August 23d. 1S70.
The Miuon V TTamltn nrmn rv. i. ......
the pleasure of announcing important im
provement in their Cabinet Organs, for
which Patents were irraiitad them in .inn.
end August last. These are not merely
meretricious attachment, but enhance the
substantial excellence of the Instruments.
They are also enabled bv increased facil
ities a large new manufactory, they hope
hereafter to supply all orders promptly.
The Cabinet Organs made bv this Com
pany are of such unlveraul reputation, not
only throughout America, but also in Eu
rope, that few will need assurance of their
1 hey now offer Four Octave Cabinet Or
gans, In quite plain canes, but equal accord
ing 10 mei r capacity to any uilng tliey make
for SoO each.
The same. Doub'e Reed. tXi. Five Oc
tave Double Reed Organs, Five Stops, with
mice sweii anu t remulant, in elegant case
with several of the Mason and Hamlin
mproveiuenls. tliio. The unit Extra
with new Vox Humana. Automatic Swell
etc., $150. Five Octaves, three seta Iteeds,
seven stops with Euphone ; a splendid in
struments, A new Illustrated catalogue with full
information-, and repuced prices, is now
ready, and wil be sent free, a testi
monial circular, presentinir a ureal mass of
evidence as to the tuicriority of these in
struments, to any one sending his address
Tremont Street, Boston, os 511 llroadwav.
XT V ' , . J '
4.00 P. M. Frelirht aud Accom iiiodation
t Rev. T. Db Witt Talmaok,
The most Popular Preacher in America.
Agenbt wanted everywhere, male or fe
male, to sell this great work, is better than
Mark Twain, and no trouble to sell, liig
Prolila. Send lor terms and illustrated 4i
page circular, Evans, St iddart A Co.,l'ub
Uahars, No. 740 bao&osa St., Philadelphia.
that Right makes Might ; and
Artemus Ward's Wit.
The edition of A Kermis's "Pnn
raraa," just iued by Carleton, yields
lie following catrnets, all of them very
good examples ol a style of fun we
shall never get again :
l could draw on wood at a very
tender age. When a mere child, I
once drew a small cart load of raw
turnips over a wooden bridge. The
MA 9
people'of the village noticed me. I
drew their attention. They said I
had a future before me. Up to that
time I had an idea it was behind
Time passed on. It always does,
by the way. You may possibly have
noticed that time always docs. It is
a kind of way time has.
I becarme a man. I haven't din.
tinguished mrself at all as an artist ;
but I have always been more or less
mixed up with art. I have an uncle
I .1 1 a ...
wno takes pnotocraphs, and 1 have a
servant who takes anything he gets his
uauag on.
iiT In r ,. . .
a ne music i can i finer, as a
singist, I am Dot a success. I am sad
dest when I smg. So are those who
hear me. They are sadder even than
I nra.
The other night some silly-voiced
young men came under my window and
sang "Come where my love lies dream
ing. ' I did not go. 1 didn't think it
would be correct.
I found music very soothing when I
lay ill with the fever in Utah ; and I
wis very ill ; I was fearfully wasted.
My face was hewn down to nothing,
and mv nose was so sharp I didn't care
to stick it into other people's business
for fear it would stay there aud. I
should never get it again. And iu
those dismal days a Mormon ludy
she was married, though not so
much so as her husband, for he
had fifteen other wives she used to
sing a ballad commencing "Sweet
bird, do not fly away,' and I told her
I wouldn't. She plaved the accordeon
divinely accord touly I praised her.
"I went to California on the steamer
Ariel. This is the steamer Ariel.
Oblige me by calmly gazing on the
steamer Ariel j and whea you go to
California, be sure and go on some
other steamer, because the Ariel isn't
a very good one."
"This picture is a great work of art.
It is au oil painting done in petroleum.
It is by the old masters. It was the
last thing thev did before dvimr
They did this and then they expired.
1 he most celebrated artists of Tn.
don are so delighted with this picture
that they come to the hall every day
to gaze at it. I wish you were nearer
to it so you could see it better. I
wish I could take it to vour residences
and let you see it by daylight. Some
of the greatest artists come here ev
ery morning before daylight.with lan-
terns, to look at It,
1 hey say they
never eaw anything like it before
and they hope they never shall
When I first showed this picture iu
New York, the audience were so en
thusiastic iu their admiration for this
picture that they called for tl:e artist
aud when he appeared threw brick
bats at him.
Brigham Young has two hundred
wives. Just think of that. Oblige me
by thinking of that. That is he hits
eighty wives.and he is spiritually mar
ried to one hundred and tweutv more.
So we may say he has two hundred
wives, lie lives not wisely, but two
hundred well. He is dreadfully mar
ried. He's the most married "man I
ever saw in my life.
I saw his mother-in-law while I was
there. I can't exactly tell bow many
there is of her, but it's a good deal. It
strikes me that one mother-in-law is
enough to have in one family unless
you're very fond of excitement
"I regret to say that efforts were
made to make a Mormon of me when I
was in Utah."
"It was leap year when I was there,
and seventeen young widows, the wives
of a deceased Mormon, offered me
their heart and bauds. I called ou
them one day, and, taking their soft
white hands in mine, which niadj
eighteen hands altogether, I found
them in tears."
And I said, "Why is this thus?
What is the reason of this thus
ness T"
They hove a sigh, seventeen sighs of
different size. They said :
"Oh ! so soon thou will begonested
away !"
I told them when when I got
ready to leave a place, I weutested.
They said, "Doth thou uot like
us r
I said, "I doth, I doth."
I also suid : "I hope your inten
tions are honorable, as I ain a lone
child, my parents being far, far
Then they said ! "Wilt uot marry
Again they asked m to marrv
in that Faith lot us to the ond,
them, aud again I declined, when they
crieu :
"Oh 1 cruel man ! this is too much 1
Oh 1 too much 1"
"I told them that it was on ac
count of the muchness that I de
The last picture I have to show you
represents Mr. Brigham Young in the
bosom of his family. His family is
large, and the tlive branches around
his table are in a very fancied condi
tion. He is more father than any man
1 Know ot. When at home as you
nere see mm ne ought to be very
happy, with sixty wives to minister to
bis comforts, and twice sixty children
a. j- i f i ai i
to Bootne in uisiracieu nuna. All l
my friends, what is home without
family ?
Heat 1t Hot, Sam.
Colonel McIIatten went from Vir
giuia to Illinois in the early settle
ment of the country, when roadside
inns were unknown and every dweller
in i ne wuuerness Kept a sort ot trav
eler's home. The Colonel, by a lucky
investment in wild land, had become
in time a rich man but he kept up
his habits of hospitality, and if the
guest was well to do iu the world he
did not object to turning an honest
penny in that way.
One cold, blustering winter evening
a horseman drew up at the house and
asked accommodation for the night.
A half-grown lad answered intheaftir
tnutive, and ushered him into the sit
ting room, where the great wood fire
ot itself gave him a cordial welcome.
After supper the landlord made his
appearance for the first time. He was
hearty and hale, and as rosy as any
bo in lace should be, but he was bent
and crippled iu his guit. He explain
ed by saying that lie had taken a cold
which had settled in his back.
"I don't mind the paiu so much," be
continued, "but it is so inconvenient.
i nave been recommended to try a
poor man's plaster, and if you will ex
cuse ue, I will put it on. Sam ! Sam
uel 1 Samuel Mciialten ! '
"Here, f'uther," said the lad above
mentioned, nastily swallowing 'a niece
I e
oi mmce pie which he had been quiet
ly eujoyiiig.
"Here, bam, my boy. heat this plas
ter for me, and put it ou my back.
Heat it hot, Sam."
baying which he handed the plaster
to his son, and seating himself astride
a chair, with his back to the fire, threw
his suspenders back, and shirt over his
head. "Now. Sain," said the Colonel,
"if the poor man's plaster is hot, you
may put it on, but you may wait a lit
tle while j I'm ali aid it's not enough.
Heat it hot, Sam heat it hot. "Can
you tell," he continued, turning to the
traveler, who was seated in the cor
ner can you tell me why this is the
poor man 8 friend,' hey? Give it up?"
laughing to himself, "because it stick-
eth closer thau a brother ! eh ?"
Poor Sam. who had been watehintr
his chance to speak, without interrupt
ing his father, now ventured to say :
"I guess it is hot enough now, fath
"What de you know about it?" suir1
the old man, testily. "I say heat it
hot, Sam hot."
Sam, whose face was at a red heat,
had held the plaster to the fire until it
ran and dripped down on the hearth,
aud bad made no reply.
"Well, said the old man, looking
rrotind, "maybe it will do now, Sam,
clap it ou."
Sam, armed with the plaster, ap
proached him; and if mv word can
be taken did clap it on. The old man
gave one yell, like a wild Indian, and
jumped clear over the back of the
chair, kicking his old-fashed breeches
off his feet and dancing around with
pain. The traveler laughed uutil he
cried, and the more mino host roared
the more he laughed. Wheu the first
agouy was over, the Colonel began to
swear, aud our traveler thought it
would be prudent to retire, least he
should share his wrath with Sam, who
he observed was making good his dis
tance. The next morning when leaving, he
handed the Colonel five dollars, saying
with a sly twiuklo of the eye, "I don't
want any change. It is cheap at that."
A young preachor in Teunessee.
several years ago, believed in slavery,
preached it as Bible doctrine, and saw j
a Divine plan iu the whipping of men,
the selling of women, aud the seoaia- i
tion of families When H.a .hmU 1
out ne lougui lor wnai ne ueneveu to l
be the truth. He felt so deeply the i
wickedness of final triumph of freedom I
that he could not remain in this coun-'
try, and went to Brazil with other
Southern malcontents. He soon be
came a naturalized citizen and then a
bankrupt. According to the Brazilian
law, the children of a bankrupt may
be sold in payment of debts. This
man's two children, one of them near
ly grown to womanhood, was sold for
twelve hundred dollars. He does not
now believe in the divine origin of
An exchange 8uys : "Philadelphia
..... L . i' 1.. i , . I , IT 1
has female undertaker?." What do
they undertske? To get married.
dare do our duty as we understand it."- -LINCOLN.
A Slack Husband Punished.
"Mr. MocitatioD," said ray grand
mother, "I have had no wood to burn
to-day. What shall I do?"
"On I send Louisa round to pick up
some," said the good man, making a
strike towards the door.
"But she has picked up all she can
" Then let ber break up some old
"But she has broken tip everything
"Ohl well, then do the next best
thing I must be off," said the farmer;
and no doubt wondering in his heart
what the next best thing would turn
nut to be.
Nrcin tame, and with it came my
grandfather and his four hungry la
borers. My mother stood in the kitch
en, spinning on her great wheel, and
singing a pleasant ditty; Louisa sat
scouring tint in the back roam, aud
the cat sat purring on the hearth be
fore a black and tireless chimney, while
the table sat in the middle of the
room, spread for dinner, but with
empty dishes.
"Well, wife, we are here," said my
grandfather, cheerfully.
"So I see," replied she placidly.
"Have you had a good morning iu the
cornfield ?"
"Why, yes, so-so. But where is the
"Iu the pot on the door step. Won't
you see if it is done yet?"
And on the door step, to be sure,
sat the great iron pot, nicely covered,
but not looking particularly stcamv.
My grandfather raised the cover, and
there lav all the ingrediments of a
nice boiled dinner everything pre
pared in the nicest manner, and the
pot filled with the clearest of water;
and all the vegetables aud meat as raw
as they ever had been Mv er mid Hith
er joined, another roll of yarn upon
herdi8tutr, and began another verse of
her song.
"Why woman, what does this
mean?' began my granfather, indig
nantly. Thi dinner isn't cooked at
"Dear me is it not?" asked the good
wife in preteuded astonishment "Why
it has set in the sti.i these four hours.
"Set in the sun?"
"Yes ; you told me to try the next
best thing to having a fire, and I
thought setting my dinner in the sun
was about that," -
My grandfather stood doubtful for
a momont; but finally his sense of
humor overcame his sense of injury,
and he laughed aloud. Then picking
up his hat, said :
"Come, we might just as well
start for the woods, we shall have
no dinnet uutil we have earned it, I
"Wont you have some bread and
cneese oeiore you go; asked my
grandmother generous in her victory,
as women always are. And so she
won the day.
lbe cellar stairs in the old farm
house had become broken aud so un
safe that my grand rnotner besieced
her huslmud, early and late, to repair
them, lest some accident should hap
pen. He always promised to do so.
aud always forgot to fulfill his promise.
At lust my grundiuother fell in going
own, and spilled the milk she was
Are you hurt? asked my grand
father smoking beside the fire.
io matter whether 1 am or not.
replied the angry housewife, re-appearing
with her empty pan. "This is the
lust time I curry milk down those
stairs until they are mended."
I least yourself, and hud the next
best way to get it down," said the hus
band, vexed at her tor.e.
"I will, said my grandmother, and
she was as good as her worJ. The
next evening my grandfather went
down cellar to draw some cider.
"What in thunder!" exclaimed he
nothing worse, I cau assure you, for
he was not a prolune man. "What in
thunder is the matter down here?
Why, woman, your milk is the cellar
kjottom !"
"Is it?" replied my grandmother,
"Well I thing that is likely enough,
ailing so far."
"Falling so far! What do you meau?"
What! you know I said I shouldn't
carry the milk over those broken stairs
again, and you to told me to try the
next best way in getting it down, so I
took up a board in the kitchen floor,
l,1.r.?w .down .llie Pau ",,d 8ted the
"own into them.
Those cellar stairs were mended the
next day.
The Richmond, AV, State Jour
nal states it is a reliable fact that hun
dreds of Northern men who hud in
tended to visit the Southern Slates,
with a view to travel a:id investment
of means, have beeu deterred from do
ing so by the well authenticated out
rages of the Ku Klux. The greatest
8uti'erers by this widespread lawless
uess are the Southerners themselves.
"During this war."savs an exchaoee
"France produced no Marshal mur
at." And yet she ate cavalry horses
enough to have produced eveu a mar
I tial neijrli.
Timeing a Fast Horse.
A friend of ours, who owns a fine
farm near Camp Dennison John we
will call him is fond of horses, and
has a private race track where he puts
his fast rings through a course of
equine sports. Those residing in the
vicinity who have, or think they have
fast nags, frequently repair to tliis race
track for the purpose of testing the
speed of their horses. Now John is a
bit of a wag, and numerous are the
jokes he plays off on his friends in
"timeing ' their horses with bis patent
stop watch. Every man likes to think
he has a fast horse, and when told
that his horse has made a mile in 2:30
when he bad no idea he could get be
low the fillies, he naturally feels elated,
don't you see especially when so
grave and earnest a man as our friend
John holds the watch that is known
the country round for iu reliability.
If anybody else were to time the
speed of the nags they might question
its authenticity, but John no one
thought of questioning the patent
walch. One day lust tall a neighbor
ing farmer, wha couldn't sleep very
well at nights, because he had got it
into his head that a colt he owned was
fast, brought the said colt to John's
race track to try him. John very
accommodatingly held his watch while
the owner of the colt drove around
the track.
"Two thirty-eight!" yelled John as
the colt passed the mile post.
"What's that ?" ihoutcd the man in
"Two minutes and thirty-eight sec
onds exactly," replied John, without
moving a muscle.
This was so much better than he ex
pected that he couldn't believe it possi
ble, and said so.
"Hold the watch yourself, then, said
John somewhat gruffly, "If you can't
believe me."
"Oh," replied the man hastsning to
conciliate, I don't question your mean
ing in the matter, but you might have
made a mistake iu the watch."
"Don't you know this is a pntentstop
watch?" inquired John. "It can't
make any mistake ; there, you see it
has stopped on two minutes and thirty
eight seconds. I'll drive aroufid, and
you time the colt."
Now the interior of the track was
planted with corn and the forest of
coru stulks reared the lofty heads there
completely obstructing more than
. i f r ,
very limited view oi me track. ine
word "go" was given, and John "got."
As soon as he was out of sight of the
others he darted through a wood that
traversed the corn held, cutting of!
nearly halt the distance, so that when
he reached the mile post the owner of
the colt fairly danced with joy as he
roared :
'Two thirty-one and a half, by ho.
a "
Ker 1
The man was nearly wild with ex
citement, refused $500 John offered
for the colt on the spo' and hurried
home with his new trr re. He was
on the lookout for som. lair where he
... c .
was conniient oi being able to "scoop
cm ail," as he said. The Blanchesttr
fuir came ofl'iu a little while, and there
was our hero with his wonderful colt.
He put him in against the fastest trot
ter they hud, bet his mi,ney freely.and,
to bis own horror and the uprouriotis
mirth of the crowd, his fust horse was
nearly five mi mi Us iu getting round.
Iu utter disgust he sold the colt for a
moderate sum, and is entirely cured of
the fast horse complaint. He don t
know to this day that John stopped
his "stop watch" on him, and he is ig
norant of the short cut through the
corn field, he tlon't want any more fust
horses. John has cured several em
bryo horsemen in the same way. and
looks upon himself as a benefactor of
his race, it he im t of (he horse race.
His treatuaeut is expensive, but ef
fectual. HiNTd to Base Baix Players.
Don't let your pitcher get full too
A small man will last you longer
than a big one for a pitcher. "Little
pitchers have long (y) ears."
Men who want to advance pay
just before a match are uot "good
Never "sell" a game. Peddling
matches is a small business.
It is better to have one of your nine
"out ou a foul" than out on a lurk.
A "boy of the period" does not
necessarily make a good short stop.
Amiable men make the best players;
they are not easily "nut out."
No bottles should be allowed on the
ground not eveu blue bottles for "fly
Players should not indulge in vul
gar shouts, lest they be classed with
foul balls.
When the umpire decides which is
the bue for you to take, you may con
sider it like the firot story ot your
house, because it is tho buko-meut.
Wilcox, this county, has had a
taste of Ku Klux; lust week six or
seven roughs attempted to tar and
feather a negro at thut place, but they
only succeeded in getting a little tur
daubed ou his head. Warrants were
issued for tho Ku-Klux when they
made themselves ecaicc. Elk AJio-
. ... .1 . . ' ....1
Rates of Advertising.
One Square (1 Inch,) one Insertion tl fiO
One Square " one month 09
One Square " three mouths... n 00
One Square " ono year 10 00
Two Squares, one year 13 ue
Quarter Col. " 50 (
Half " " 50 OO
One " " 100 n
Business Cards, not exceeding one inch
in length, $10 per year.
Legal notices at established rates.
These rates are low, and no deviation
vill bo miide, or diserimination among
patrons. The rates ollered are such, v
w ill make it to the advnntaoof men dol
business in t he limits of the circulation of
the iaier to advertise liberally.
A married woman iu Kansas, who
recently eloped with a physician, left
the following unique note for her hus
band :
"Dkar Hi buy : Your played out.
I like Dr. so well that I prefer
going with him yoti good-for-nothing,
degenerated cuss. It's none of your
busiucs where we've gone to. It won't
do you a bit of good to follow us, for I
wouldn't live another day with you to
save your life. You made a mistake
in thinking I loved you ; I never did ;
I married you for convenience sake. I
take the baby along, and I'll take care
of it. You can sue for a divorce get
married soon as you please, the woman
who gets you next will have a healthy
old prize. Good-bye. Be virtuous and
you'll be happy. Your Late Wife.
Mr. S a young member of
the New York bat, is eomewhat notel
for his sarcasm, when excited, as for
his ordinary humor and wit. A short
time since, in the management of a
tough case in one of our upper courts,
he quoted in pretence of court and
jury the proverb, "Cast not thy pearls
before swine." As he arosj to sum up,
having been somewhat nettled at the
repeated ruling of the court against
him, thejudgo facetiously remarked
to him :
"Be careful, Mr. S , that you
do not cast your pearls before swine."
"Don't bt alarmed, your honor ; I
am about to address the jury, not the
The following isn't very slow: A
youthful hen found an egg, aud yield
ing to the vernal instinct, sat upon it
until the process of incubation wa
complete. Her mother, who had laid
the egg and taken great pains in shap
ing and coloring it, came along, and
Beeing only the broken shell, burst in
to tears, and said : "Alas, my daugh
ter, who has destroyed my favorite
egg ?" 'The feathered offspring quick
ly responded : "I cannot tell a lie,
mother, I cannot tell a lie ; I did it
with my little hatch-it."
The "Devil" of a newspaper in Val
lejo, Cal., recently stepped into a dry
goods store to negotiate for a cap. Not
having the pecuniary consideration
about his clothes, he told the trader to
charge it to him. Trader entered the
account upon his books to Satan, and
the other day when the bill was pre
sented (which read "Satan, Dr., to O.
P. Van bchenck, for one cap, St")
"Dev." remarked : "You charged it
to Satan, did you? Well, just go to
h 11 aud collect it!"
A little four year old remarked to
her mamma going to bed, "I am not
afraid of the dark."
"No, of course your are not," re
plied her mamma, "for it can't hurt
"But, mamma, I was a little afraid
once, when I went in the pantry in the
dark to get a cookey."
"What were you afraid of?" asked
her mamma.
"I was afraid I couldn't find the
The Philadelphia Democrat who
would rather rot in poison than pay
the fine imposed by Judgo Ludlow for
refusing to serve on a jury with a col
ored man, has concluded that as a
"rottist" he is not a success, and has
accordingly paid the fine and been re
leased. His counsel had attempted to
obtain his release bv hahfna mrim hut
Judge Sharswood would not grant tho
We are informed that seven hor
ses, nine set of new harness, between
four and five tons of chop, and all the
lumbering tools, etc., belonging to
Messrs. Finney tfc Barrows, at their
camp on Dent's Kun, were consumed
by fire, on Tuesday evening, April 11,
The lns sustained is estimated at
about three thousand dollars. Clear
field Journal.
A gentleman traveling on a steam- dinner was making away
with a largo pudding close by, wheu
he was told by the servant that it was
desert. "It matters not to me." said
he, "I would eat it if it was a wilder-
A Mississippi paper shows the ad
vantages of advertising, by telling of
a man who advertised in its columns
for a Inst cow, and had it restored to
him "with a copy of the paper stuck
on its horns."
A BcnuiilL'hoff naner renorta that a
- 0 i i I
prisoner in the county jail fell out whilo
leaning against the wall, and that the
nstitutiou is to bo papered for belter
Mark Twain hnvinrr sold his inter.
; - - - -
est in the Buffalo l.'ijjreti, has gone
to Klmira to live, threatening to aban
don peii-and-ink'labor for the remain.
dor of his life.
Young womau should set coed ex
amples, tor the young men are always
following them.
Song of a man going to have a
tooth drawn : "How huppy I would be
with ether.
Song of the billiard bull -"Ok Cur
ou me back I"
A word to tho people in debt got