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ffilit potest grpiMinra.
u ruBMsnsr i:vr.nr. tubsdat, bt
W. K. DUNN,"
DJTloa la K.ro's nuildirg, Elrr Street.
TERMS, f2.00 A. YEAH.
Wo Subscriptions received for a shorter
period tlimi three mouths.
Correspondence solicited from nil part
of tlio country. No notice will bo takou of
Marriages and Death notices Inserted
i. o. a-, t. '
Teets every Wednesday evening, at S
1 1 J. o'clock.
W. II. DUNN, W. C. T.
M.W. TATE, W. ti.
. HI WTO 71 PRTTlll.
MILKS W. T ATJL
. PETTIS & TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
'Aim Strtot, TIONESTA, FA
.'A TTORNFY AT T.AW nil nu rv.
i Will practice in the various Courts of
-r uf liiiil.t All I. ....I . . . . .
tit car CUl receive prompt attaint .n. f
. 10 ly
W. W. Mason,
ATTORNEY AT T.AW. Ofuoo on Elm
Street, above Walnut, Tionesta, I'a.
C. W. Gllflllan,
TTORNEY AT LAW, Kranklln, Ve
i. nnngo Co., Pa, , , tf.
, N. B. Smiley,
ATTOHNEY T LAW, Petroleum Cen
tre, fa. Will practice in tho several
Courts of Purest County. . t . 33-ly
HUONESTA, PA., opposite the Depot.
1 C. 1. Mable, Proprietor. Oood Sta
bling couneotcd with tho houso. , tf.
Jos. Y. Saul,
JIRACTICAMlarncss Maker and Sad
dler. Throe doors north of Holmes
House, Tionesta, Pa. All work is war
a-MDIOUTK, Pa., J. A T Maikr, Vropln
. tor. The house has been thoroughly
refitted and is now in tho lirst-clas order,
with the best of accommodations. Any
nfwination concerning oil Territory at
this point will be choerfullv furnished,
-ly i i J. Ail). MAUICK,
IOWEIl TIDIOUTE, Pa., D. S. ItAMs
J PKKI, A Son Prop's. This iiouso having
bneu rerlted is now the most desirable stop-
fing plaee In TUlloute. A good liilliard
loo. n attached. 4 ly
JRVINETON, PA. W. A. ITallenbaek,
.Proprietor. This hotel in Kw, and is
iw open as a first class house, situate at
pp Junction of the Oil Creek fc Allegheny
liver and Pliiladelphia A- Erie Railroads,
pposite tho Depot. Parties having to lay
ver trains will 11 nd this the most converi
ent hotel in town, w ith first-class aceom
nodstlons and reasonable charges, tf.
TiMt Sons & Co.'s
NEW ENGINES. The uuderslgnad have
for sale and will receive orders for the
above Engine. Messrs. Tit!t Sons A Co.
are now sending to this market their 12
Horse Power Kngino with 14-Horse Power
Boiler peculiarly adnpterl to deep wells.
Offices at Diin.'an A Chnll'ant's, dealers
In Well fixtures, Hardware, An., Main St.
next door to Chase House, Pleasantville,
and at Mansion House, 'i'itusviile.
tf. K. DUETT A SON, Agent.
Joh.n. K. Hallock,
ATTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
Patonts.No. fxl.'i French st reetlopposite
Reed House) Trie, l'a. Will practice In
tlwsunml Slate Courts and tho United
BtsUs Courts. Special attention (riven to
soliciting patents for Inventors ; infringe
ments, re-issue and extension of patents
carefully attended to. References: Hon.
James Campbell, Clarion; Hon. John S,
McCalmont, Franklin; II. L. A A. 11.
Richmond, Muadvillo; V. 12. Lathy. Ti
onesta. 2 7
Dr. J. I.. Acom.b,
PII YSTCIAN AND SURGEON, who has
had 11 ftoHii years' experience in large
and successful practlic, will attend all
Professional Calls. Otilce In his Drug and
5roeery Storo, located in Tidioute, near
IN IIIS STORE WILL DE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, (ilass. Paints,
il. Cutlery, anil nue Groceries, all of the
lst quality, aud w ill ba sold at reasonable
H. R. BURGESS, an experienced Drug
gist from New York, has charge of the
tm . All prescriptions put up accurately.
W. P. Mercilliott,
Attorney at Law,
' AN D
KE1L ESTATE AC3KXT.
TI ON EST A, PA.
JOHN . DALE, PREI'T.
'OMS A. PROPER, VICE PRIST. A. H.STEELE, CASHR,
Tionesta, I'ore.st Co., l'a.
This Hank tmnsa;i. a General Banking,
Collecting and Exchange Husinraa.
l)rarts on the Principal Cities of the
Vnitcd States and Europe bought and sold.
(Jold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought anil sold. 7 -at I bonds
inverted on tho most favorable terms.
Interest allowed on time deissiits,
Mur. 4, tf.
DR. J. N. Rol.ARD, of Tidioute, has
rcturnsd i' his practice alter nil ab
sence of lour niomlu, spent inllie llopi
talsot'Ncw York, where Ko will ntti nd
4'alN in his profession. ,
Ollico in Euri ka Drug Store, 3d door
ibove the Hank, Tidioute, Pa. 4vitf
S iinething urirently needed by eveiybudy
'all and examine, or sail. pics sent p ihtano
paitl tor 00 cts that retail easilv lor it.
Ir Wolcoit, 1 il Chathrui S j.N. Y. 4ii-lt
DEA KNESS, Catar h ami Scrofula. A
lady who had suffered for years from
Iteafncs, Ca'ai'rh and Scrofula, was cured
by a simple reim-dy. ller sympathy and
gratitude prompts her to i-eud the receipts
lr.'e of I'liar. c t v all v one similarly nlllict
A.Mros Mre. Jil. C. Di gixcttj Jersey
iiv, v, r. 4 '
VOL. IV. NO. 4.
GREAT EXCITFMENT !
at the'Stors of
D. S. KNOX, 6c CO.,
Elm St., ionesta Fa.
We are In dally receipt 01 the' argMtasd
MOST COMPLETE stock
EVER BROUGHT TO THIS WAKET
BOOTS & SHOES !
which we are determined to sell regardless
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac, Ac,, Ac., which we offer at greatly re
FURNITURE! FURNITURE II
of all kinds,
ES, Ac, Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see,
7-tf D. S. KNOX. A CO.
A GENTS WANTED Eolt
I II E
f LI is It Alt Y
OP POETRY AND
so.Mjr. '1 he handsomest and
work extent. It has so.jethincr In it of the
best for every one, for the old, the mid-dle-atfod
and theyounir ami must become
universally popular. Excepting the Bible
thiR will be the book'inost loved and the
nicst frequently referrcl to in the family.
Every pairo has passed under tho critical
eye of the reat p'st,
WJI. I'lLLKS BRYANT.
Bare chance for best airents. The only
liook of its kind ever sold bv subscription.
Send at once for circulars, Ac, to
liEO. MACLEAN, Publisher.
30-4t Tl'JSansoin St., Philadelphia, Pa.
SEASON OF 18T0-71.
MASON & HAMLIN CABINET
Patent June 21st and August 2.1d. 1S70.
REDUCTION OF PRICES.
The Mason A Hamlin Oriran Co.. luva
the pleasure of announcing; important im
provements in thoir cabinet organs, for
which Patents were grantod tlieni in June
and Auuust last. These aro not merely
meretricious attachments, butenhanco the
substantial excellem-e of the instruments.
They are also enabled bv increased facil
ities a larO new manufactory, they hope
Lerealter to supply all orders promptly.
The Cabinet Organs made bv this Com
pany aro of such universal reputation, not
only throughout America, but also in Eu
rope, that lew will ueeu assurance 01 thoir
They now olTer Four Octave Cabinet Or
gans, in n,uite plain cases.but eipial accord
ing to their capacity to anything they make
for "() each.
The same, Doub'e Rood, M5. Five Oo
tavo Double Reed Organs, Five Stops, with
Knee swell and Tremulant, in elegant case
with several of the Mason and Hamlin
improvements, ?l-;. The saniA Extra
with new Vox Humana, Automatic Swell
etc., ?!ri0. Five Octaves, three sets Kee;!s,
seven stops with Euphone; a splendid in
A new illustrated catalogue with full
Information, and repuced prtves, is now
ready, and will be sent free, Willi a testi
monial circular, presenting a great mass of
evidence as to the superiority of those in
Mrumcnts, to anv one sending his address
to MASON A HAMd.IN OIK i AN CO., lot
Treiiiont Struct, liostun, os jtti Broadway,
N, Y. 80-4 1
4.00 P. M. Freight and Accommodation
liy lu:v. T. De Witt Talmaok,
Tho most Popular Preacher in America.
Agents wanted everywhere, initio or fe
male, to sell this great work, is better than
Mark Twain, and no trouble to sell. Big
Profits. Send lor terms and illustrated 12
page circular, Evans, St xldart A Co., Pub
lishers, No. 7 W Sauscin St., Philadelphia.
W&ht makes Miht 5 and
"Archie Hutchington" on Marriages.
"Laws-a-massy, oul sakest when I
was young, twas different then. Why,
when folks was agoing to get married,
they took time, and meditated upon it,
and kinder studied each other out, and
reflected and considered ; and when
they did get married, they was mar
ried for eartain, and very much mar
ried married from top to toe, and
they expected to stay married; there
jvarn't no talk of your dieyorces then ;
they knew beforehand that they was
to 'her and to hold' till grim death,
and they mostly usually did. But now
a young fellow sees a pretty gal, and
asks her to marry him, just as he'd
ask her to take a walk ; and she's all
ready 'yes.Sir, and thank yer, too,'
and they go and get married, with no
more realizing sense of their responsi
bility than Cock Robin has when he
twitters and chirps to Jenny Ilobio.
Well, pretty soon they go at it she
finds she doc't like tobacco-smoke, and
ho don't like a w..? that can t do a
thing but frizzla her hair ;' and so on
it goes from bad to worse, until 'as
they sue for a disvorce. And they i.
get it, too ! And all for whatf Why,
tor uucomfortability of temper! Oh
laws-a-massy, soul sakes I now did
you ever? 'uncomfortability of tem
per!' Ob, Lordy l"
"Incompatability of temper, Mr.
Hutchingion," I suggested.
' "Yes, I know it ; I said so ; uncom
fortability of temper them's the words
that does it. Well, is not there allers
uncomfortability of temper in every
family, and allers has been, and allers
will be? Only in the good old times
they used to screw it down aud keep it
under; and so, you Bee, they managed
to get along without- nono of yer dis
Torces. "Don't yer suppose, Sir, that there
was uncomfortability of temper enough
in Noah's ark, with all them odds and
ends of creation, creeters that wasn't
noways agreeable to one another's feel
ings all messed in together there?
dogs and cats, sheep and wolves, foxes
and geese, chickens and weasels (and
skunks, I'll bet) and mighty small
stable-room accommodations, I tell
you 1 How was it 'bout uncomforta
bility of temper there, do yeu- s'pose?
Why, don't you see, they hed to com
modate all of urn j 'jest lulT and bear
away,' as the sailors say; the lion, I
s'pose he roared kinder soft like, so as
not to skecr the turkle-doves ; and the
hyenay, she did not laugh out as loud
as she wanted to, I dare say ; tha big
bear, he kinder shut up growling; and
the kang'roo took care not to leap on
other folkses toes ; the horse was keer
ful not to kick up hia heels ; aud if the
dog felt as mad as lire, lie didn't bite
nobody. That was the way they done
it, no doubt ou't ; stands to reasou they
did ; 'cause, don't you see, Sir, if they
hod all on um given way to their un
comfortability of temper, and each on
um acted out their own on regenerate
nuter, why in course they'd hev etove
the bottom out of that thuuderin old
tub of his in less than no time, and
she a foundered, and they'd all gone
to the bottom, aud there wouldn't hev
been no call for any more wedding-
rings, that s sartiu : ana where
and I would be now, it's a mighty bard
thing to say.
"But, as I was saying they didn't;
they behaved beautiful 1 I don't see
how it was seeuis it couldn't hev
been Noah's doings for, between you
and I, I guess ha wasn't much ; an on
steady, drinking man he allers was,
you know; wasn't he, Sir? aud not
used to navigating, by no means. But
I will sny for't, he managed that cruise
remarkably well, considering what his
crew was half womeukind ; he sartiu
ly made a savins' v'vace of it, which
was a good deal, all things coueider-1
vlA 1 AUI JJGI iliuyujlte jut Miuy
Behind the Veil.
It is not always the practice of
pretty ladies to wear a veil. Not even
eouquetiy will dispense with the plea
sure of showing a lovely countenance,
aud the most modest aud retiring
beauty likes to be admired for the reg
ularity and delicacy of her features.
These reflections passed rapidly
through the mind of a well-kuowu
magistrate riding up town recently.
By his side sat a lady, who from a sin
gle glimpse of he countcunnce he im
agined that he knew. At last he ven
tured the remark that the day was
''Yes," murmured the female.
"Why do you wear a veil?" iuquired
the dispenser of justice.
"Lest 1 attract attention."
"It is the province of geutlemen to
admire," replied the gallant uiun of
"Not when they are married."
"But I'm nut."
"Oh, no; I'm a bachelor."
The lady quietly removed her veil,
disclosing to the astonished magistrate
the face of bis motlier-in-luw. He had
business elsewhere suddenly.
A pawnbroker in Cincinnati has been
arrested and held to answer for libel,
in advertising for sale certain articles
left in pawn by a certain gentleman
and not redeemed.
in that Faith let us to the end,
PA., TUESDAY, APRIL 25, 1871.
American Girls at Flirts.
From the Revolution.
The freedom enjoyed by our young
women is a perfect marvel to foreign
ers. They are entirely incapable of
understanding how it accords with
safety and the preservation of good
morals. The flirting which is carried
on between strangers in omnibuses,
horse-cars and on ferry-boats, is bo
open and patent they cannot help see
ing it. It may be, doubtless, in many
cases, innocent enough, only engaged
in for a bit of fun, to while away the
passing moment, but presents a series
of phenomena incomprehensible to the
transatlantic brain. An English lady,
in this dazed and bew'ildered condition,
once snid to us : "It would never do to
trust English girls with the indepen
dence American young women enjoy.
They are made differently, and the
worst possible consequences would en
sue. I ton surprised that your girls
can behave as I seo them without the
loss of caste and character." The im
plied compliment was not undeserved.
American girls possess an almost in
1 congruous luixture of daring .inno
cence" and the ability to protect them
selves; il'ough they often - commit
breaches oT propriety and good taste,
they know where to u'aw the line, and
cau, as a general thing, be trusted.
Many of our girls hero in New York
are idle and fond of excileui2t iu
High health, with plenty of money to
spend, and utterly free from care. The
lounger up and down Fifth avenue of a
sunny afternoon may meet them in
shoals and squads, decked out in their
finery, full of chatter and glee. There
aro also specimens of the young genus
homo who appear to have been born
for the sole purpose of tailor's wares,
and affording a feeble excuse for the
display of coxcombry.
These creatures, many of them,
promenade the avenue at all hours in
the day ; a few have achieved great
ness, aud are as familiar to the dwellers
of the street as Worth monument.
Thev have at command all the tricks
and devices by which a low grade of
acquaintance can oe established with
the demoiselles who flutter along the
pavement. There is an acquaintance
of the eyes and handkerchief. Silly,
feeble-minded impertinences aro prac
ticed, which, if witnessed by the pa
ternal relatives of the saucy and rath
er fast young Miss, who, if she does
not invite, at leaBt permits them.would
doubtless bo instrumental in drawing
down the chastisement of a kick on
the young male idiot who has been in
dulging in this silly sport. This is
very absurd and ridiculous boy and
girl play. It belongs to the vealy pe
riod. We ere not considering now a
despicable class of oharks who swarm
in the great cities tnd molest decorous
matrons, and ere dangerous to unpro
tected youiijjc girls. Ve nre dealing
with the youthful improprieties which,
practised openly aud without attempt
at concealment, impart to our English
cousins such a shiver of nerves.
It is a pity to o n it, but our city
girla are deplorably uncultured. The
march of the world has left them one
side; it has got to take them up arid
break them, as it were. With the best
materia!, the most promising, crude
qualities, they are, as yet, incapable of
framing or practicing a code of man
ners which shall develop the inherent
tliguitf, sweetness and urbanity of our
A New Arithmetic. Sick gent
(walking into a whiskey shop) "Well,
I believe I will upend my dime in
crackdis this morning."
Bar-keeper hands him some crack
ers which he tastes.
"I can not stand them :
BOuie brandy for the crackers,1
Bar-keeper hands him some brandy.
He pours it out, smells of it, shakes
"Don't think I can go that. Give
me some whitkey for the brandy."
liar-keeper bauds him some whiskey.
He turns out a full glass, drinks it
down aud starts out.
Bar-keeper. "Hold on there I you
have not paid me for that whiskey."
Sick geut. "I gave the braudy for
the whiskey sir."
"Well, you ain't puid mo for tho
"I gave you the crackers for the
bra n ily, sir."
"Well, sir you ain't paid me for the
"Well, sir you have your crackers
Bar keeper said no more.
On one occasion, when the King was
out of favor with a number of his sub
jects, Bismarck ottered a beer ealoou
for the purpose of quailing a mug of
beer, ami while there heard a man
abusing tho royal family, which so
kindled his ivn. ill that he addrcuud
the offender thus: "Now I'm goin,;
to driuk this mug of beer, and if you
don't take that Imck.Mi', when I have
finished' I will break tho mug over
your head." Having swolloucd the
Leer and no withdrawal being made, he,
fulfilling his threat, scut the empty
mug spinning at the fellow's head, and
then, as if nothing hud happened, ste
ped up to the bar-kocper and asked
what was to pay for breaking his mug.
dare do our duty as we understand if--LINCOLN.
The Jumping Frog of East Tennes
see. A man nnmcd Southworth, living in
lower East Tennessee, has juct ejected
from his stomach a frog which had
been living there for fifteen years. Mr.
Southworth has had a great deal of
trouble with that frog. It used to be
gin te croak at the most unreasonable
hours. When Southworth would go
to church, for instance, the frog would
remain quiet until the congregation
engaged in silent prayer, and then it
would set up such a terrific yowl that
the sexton would rush in and collar
Southworth, and drag him out to quiet
down in the grave-yard. Sometimes
the frog would give a nocturnal seie
nade after Southworth was fast asleep
in bod, and then Southworth would
rise, as mad as anything, and seize the
stomach pump and try to draw the
frog up. Bat the subtile reptile had
had that trick played on it to often
during those fifteen years, and it al
ways shined up the tube a piece, out of
tne araugnt, and waited until South
worth exhauted himself. Southworth
never fooled that frog a great deal.
And when frogs were iu season, South
worth used to fish for this one with a
fly; but it always refused to rise, and
the fly buzzed around so in South
worth's alimentary canal that it nearly
tickled Southworth to death. So South
worth had to wait until the other day,
when the frog thought it would come
up ivd go aud see a friend ; and when
it did coiei Southworth killed it with
A romantic incident, showing the
power of an earnest love to overcome
the moat formidable difficulties, in re
ported in the Colorado papers. A
Chicago youth fell iu love with a Col
orado maid, whose father was so much
opposed to the proceedings that he
drove the young man from his house
with wrath and a revolver. Upon
this the earnest youth had the stem
parent arrrested for threatening his
life, and when the old gentleman was
safely locked up by the judicious use
of a ten dollar bill, he induced the
same Justice of Peace who had im
prisoned the father to marry him to
the daughter. This done, the old man
was brought up for trial w hen he con
cluded to swap forgiveness with his en
terprising son-in-law, who thereupon
magnanimously withdrew his com
plaint. A certain undergraduate at Cam
brage was under an examination, aud
among the questions iu one of the
papers was the following : "Why will
nob a pin stand on its point." The ex
aminee was not very strong iu his sub
jects, but ns there was nothing like put
ting u good lace on the matter, he set
to work to answer the question in as
formal a way as possible. The inter
esting result stood as follows : "1. A
pin will not staud on its hem!, much
less is it possible that it should staud
on its point. 2. A poiut, according to
Euclid, is that which has no parts aud
no muuitude. A pin cannot stand
on that which has no purts and no
magnitude, and therefore a pin cannot
stand on its poiut. 3. It will if you
stick it iu."
A Jjondou paper thus describes the
process of roadiuakiug now generally
adopted in the larger places of both
England and France : "The road is
first prepared by being loosened with
pickaxes, then covered with ordinary
granite ; above this a dressing of Baud
is laid ; the whole is then watered. An
immense, roller, propelled by steam, in
then moved slowly over the prepared
surface. It exerts a pressuie of twenty-eight
tons, and the result is that, iu
au unusually short time, a firm and
compact Macadamized road is formed,
so smooth that the lightest vehicle mav
be driveu'over it without iujui-inr the
The German Imperial crown is a
foot high, of twenty-one karat gold,
and heavy set with pearls. The scep
tre is ot silver gilt, aud to feet lung.
The globo carried iu tho baud is of
the finest gold, three and seven-eigths
inches in diameter encircled by two
rings, one perperifliculur aud half cov
ered by jewels, and tho other horizon
zoutal and entirely covered with gems.
On top is a cross, which fairly blazes
with previous stones. These uisiguins
liuve long been kept in the Hot'bourg
at Vienna, and will brought forth for
Kaiser Welhelm's coronation.
Mr. Greeley says the reason there is
a scarcity of maple sugar this spring
is, that the farmers didn't more than
l.alf manure their sugar seeds a; they
planted them last full. He says for
every seed you plant you want a whole
pile of manure, when the vines will be
fairly weighed down with little scol
loped cakes. Fanners never will
learn anything if they keep on fooling
away their time as they have the pu.it
In Louisville, na Monday last, two
men were killed by a lurge rock full
ing on theiu two iueu were murdered;
au editor com mi ted suicide ; a printer
was found dead in his bed, aud two
cusses of cow hiding by women occur
red. All of w hich made up a program.
mo of horrors unequalled iu ono day
anywhere elee we havo yet heard of.
$2 PER ANNUM.
Smoke vs. Imagination.
There were to be soma theatricals
at Chatsworth some years ago, at
which Queen Victoria was to be pres
ent, and in which Mark Ijemon and
others look part. A Colonel Flint
was to perform the very simple part
oi a duck oi tne time ot Ucorgell.,
lean Rgainst alnantel-piece and smoke
a large pipe. At rehearsal he com
menced puffing away, when Sir Joseph
Paxton, the architect of the first Crys
tal Palace, and the manager of the
Chatsworth estates, came running te
him, declaring that he muut not smoke.
Ihe Queen detested tobacco, and
would leave the box. .He declared
that he was smoking herbs in a per
fectly new pipe; but Mark Lemon,
mi. LMckens, and the company, all in
sisted that they smelt tobacco smoke.
so he threw away his pipe and bought
a new one, and also some dried thyme
and rose leaves. These proved juntas
oujocwonaoie, ana so the smoking on
the pipe was dispensed with. The Col
onel bethought et an imitation of
smoke he had seen, composed of finely
woven webs of ccHon supported on
rings and spiral wires. On the even
ing ot the lull-dress rehearsal, Mr.
Paxton again came to him and insisted
that he should not smoke ; and then.
on nuaing out nis mistake, that he
should not appear to smoke. It would
be injudicious. Her Majesty would
think she smelt to tobacco, and this
would be as bad as if her Majesty
really smelt it. He moreover asserted
that the company assembled had smelt
tha smoke, no matter how it was made
or whence it came.
An Historical Incident.
The King of Denmark lias lately
repaired the celebrated Round Tower
of Copenhagen, and au interesting his
torical souvenir is attached to this old
mouument. Peter the Great visited it
in the beginning of the eighteenth
century. Frederick IV., King of Den
mark, accompanied him at the lime.
The two sovereigns ascended to the top
of the tower to enjoy the magnificent
view, and Peter explained his political
system to Frederick. All of a sudden
he said, "Would you like mo give you
an idea of tiie power of my authority?"
And, without awaiting tho Kiug's re
ply, the founder of the Bussiau moiv
archy made a Eign to a Cossack belong
ing to his retinue, and, pointing to the
abyss under Ins feet, simply said
i. T n rft r i i i i ...
tiunip. i ue .ossacK iookcu at the
Czar, bowed, and, without hesitation,
leaped over the edge ot the tower.
"What do you think of it?" said
refer, turning to tho horrified King,
"Have you such subjects?"
"Fortunately not," answered Fred
erick. Strong-minded women to tho num
ber ot thirteen were in attendance at
the Crittenden Fair homicide trial in
San Francisco, ono day lust week. One
of them was unable to find a vacant
chair, and seated hsrsolf without cere
mony on the arm of one occupied by a
gentleman, who preferred to remain
seated himself. Gradually she wedged
herself between the arm aud tho gen
tleman, until he finally yielded to the
pressiug iuvitation, aud got up. The
fellow was bothered, it is said, btcauso
he never had experience iu such cases;
but how would au "experienced" indi
vidual havo resisted such a "pressing"
A gay Tennessee bello had gained
me in reputation oi being most em
jdmlicalJy a "girl of tho period." She
kept her lover in a state of despair,
having refused him often. She was
esteemed faithless aud frivolous; but
the time oon came for ber to redeem
her character. One day there was a
terrible railroad accident, and the re
jected lover had both legs crushed off.
The apparently heartless girl devoted
herself to his consolation, and married
him on crutches the first day the doc
tors allowed him to go out.
In the Arctic rcgious,the Esquimaux
and Greunlaiider live principally on
the fat of Beds, bears, and whales ; by
such food only are they enabled to en
dure the extreme cold without seeming
to sutler more than we do in our se
vere winter the resident of tho trop
ics lives chiefly on watery fruits and
vegetable, with very littlo oily food.
From this we may learn to eat more
of the oleaginous elements in winter
than iu summer, in order to keep up
our animal heat.
A gentleman named Lafever, of
Kentucky, eloped with his niece, leav
ing a wile and child and an ublu-bod-ied
uiollicriu-law, who were depend
ent upon him for support in destitute
circuiiistaticcs. How can a man who
bus a cheerful mother-in-law, endowed
with all the accomplisliaieuts iuclud
in,,' a nevcr-f.iiiiug appetite, clupo with
A physician claims that ovir ten
thousand women have been squeezed
to death by corsets during the bust live
years. Still the sumo weak folly is in
dulged iu, and women are daily losing
their health and eveu their lives at the
mandate of fashion. A wretch bus
insinuated that some of them cannot
get squeezed iu auy other way, but
this, of course, ia absurd.
niilii.il L uJii...
' Rates of Advertising.
OneSqnnre(l inch,) ono Insertion I M
One Sipiaro ". ono month...... .1 t
OneS'piaro " three months... 1 no
One Square " ono year If) OK
Two Squares, one year 15 (JO
tunrtor Col. " no ( 0
Half " " 50 (ID
One " " loo 00
Business Cards, not exe-coding one Inch
in length, flO por year.
I"gal notices at established rates.
These rates are low, rend no deviation
fl'ill bo mndo, or discrimination among
pntrons. Tho rates offered are such, w
will make it to the advantagoof men doi. f
business in tiie limits of the circulation of
tlie paiier to advertise liberally.
Tho Ugly Couple.
When Mr. Fanar was ballet-master
at the Opera House in tho Haymarkct,
London, Soderini went on the stage
and said to him: Allow mo, dear sir,
to introduce mynelf to you ; you aro
the dearest friend I have upon earth ;
me thank you a thousand times for tho
happiness you have conferred en mo
by coming among us; command me in
any way, for whatever I do for you I
can never sufficiently repay you. Tho
ballet-mnPter, who had never seen or
hoard of Soderini before, was astound
ed. At last he said : "Pray, sir, to what
peculiar piece of good fortune my I
attribute tho compliments and profes
sions with which you favor me?" "To
you unparalleled ugliness, my dear
sir," replied Soderini ; "for, before you
arrived, I was considered the ugliest
man iu Great Britain." The ballst
master (strange to say, since he really
was so ugly) took the joke in good
part, and they became extremely inti
mate ; but amiable as they were to each
other, they were universally known as
the ugly couple. This anecdote Soder
ini related himself.
In review ing tho 'history of Ithaca
for the last year, the Ithaca Journal
says there have been but two small
failures during the past year among the
business men. "Neither of them ad
vertised." The first not only failed to
advertise, but was otherwise lacking
in judicious management, nnd suffered
from speculation and unprofitable
transactions in former years, and the
latter from lack of business expeii
ence from a too eager disposition to
sell has goods at whatever price offer
ed. He did not believe in tho use of
printer's ink. In fact ho often boast
ed to his competitors in tho same busi
ness "that he did not pay any money
to printers; ho could advertise his own
bushier," He did "advertise" it, and
at bo dear a rate that he cannot pay
his indebtedness. He not only ruined
himself in refusing the aidof printers
in advertising his goods, but he almost
ruined every other dealer in his busi
ness. It is generally cheaper to ad
vertise in the newspaper in tho regu
A slory is told of a citizen of Dan
bury, Conn., who was broken of tho
wretched habit of swearing in a novel
manner. lie was au inveterate cur
ser nnd grumbler. At every meal he
neglected a blessing, and 6wore at eve
rything from the gravy to the teapot,
tiia oaths discolored the napkins, sour
ed tho bread and curdled the milk.
His wife, a woman who evidently be
lieved the hair of a dog would cure
the bite, stood this uuncenly conduct
"until forbearance ceased to be a vir
tue." One morning ho was unusally
cross and profane, aud was about to
take fresh start at something else, when
his wife suddenly broke out with a se
ries of damns that made the old gen
tleinan get up and leave his chair as
though some one had introduced a pin
between the canes. As Boon as sho
ceased, ho breathlessly remarked,
"Well, I swear, if it bus got bo you
can swear, it is time I quit. And he
Horace Mann was once seated in an
omnibus with a young man who coolly
took out a cigar, lit a match aud put
the cigar in his mouth. Mr. Mann
stopped the coach and insisted that tho
young man should be ejected for dis
obeying tho rules. lie was rot paci
fied until the owener of tho cigar
touched the iudignant reformer's hand
with tho uticharred end, in proof that
the cigar hud never been lighted ; aud
Mr. Mann, loth to lose an opportunity
to impress moral truth upon a way
ward youth, turned around and lectur
ed him upon tho vice of deception.
The newspapers in Virginia, the
Carolinas, Tennessee, Louisiana aud
else where South, agree in saying that
the prospects fer largo crops of fruits
and cereals is first-class, aud that tho
present season, if successful iu this
particular, will very nearly sweep
away all the general pecuniary losses
by the war.
"A friend of mine," said Erskine,
"was suffering from a continual wake
fulness, ami various methods wero tried
to bring him sleep. At least his phy
sician resorted to an expedient which
succeeded admirably. They dressed
him in a watchman's coat, put a lantern
iu his hand, placed him in a sentry-box,
nnd he was asleep iu ten minutes."
Scene in a printing office, which ad
vertised for girls to set type. Enter
young woman "Do you wutit any one
to print, sir 7 1 saw your advertise
ment." "Can you set up well, ma'am?"
Young lady blushing she hasn't hud
any beau yet, but expects mat tuc
could if necessary.
A young lady of Easton gave a par
ty, ut which lemonade was the weak
ness. Sonio wicked young men put a
quantit y of crton oil in the lemonade,
which the guests drank. No?l allot
them weut rijiht home, and tho guests
aro luquiring lor the perpetrator ot tuc
deed around, with shot-guns.
What is the greatest want of tho
ags? Want of funds.
A gravo mistake accidentally bn
rvini' men alive