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Is PUBLISHED KVEV TUESDAY, BY
"W. II. DUNN.
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Correspondence .unlimited from all part
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M Let Ul have Faith that Eight makes Might ; and in that Faith let ua to the end, dare do our duty as we understand if--LINCOLN.
I-cfjnl notices at established rates.
These rates are low. and no deviation
ivill tie made, or discrimination among
patron. The rates offered are such, hs
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VOL. III. NO. 49.
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, MARCH 21, 1871.
$2 PER ANNUM.
busincHS in the limits or the circulation of
the paper to advertise liberally.
as
1
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TION ESTA LODGE, NO. 477.
X. O. Gk T.
Meets every Wednesday renins;, at I
o'clock.
W. R.DUNN, W. C.T.
H. W. TATK, W. 8.
MtWTOX PBTTIS.
MILES W. TATS.
ETTIS A TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
dim Strttt, TIONESTA, JU.
Isaac Ash
ATTORNEY AT I.AW, Oil City, Pa.
Will practice in the various Courts of
Forest County. All business entrusted to
ais care will receive prompt attention,
w ly
W. E. Latty,
ATTORNEY AT LAW AND SOLICI
TOR IN BANKUTPTCY, Tionesta,
Forest Co., Pa., will practice In Clarion,
Venango and Warren Counties. OtUce on
Klin Street, two doors above Lawrence's
,recery store. tf.
W. W. Mason, ,
ATTORNEY AT LAW. Office on Elm
Street, above Walnut, Tionesta, Pa.
C. W. GllfUUn,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
nango Co., Pa. tf.
N. B, Smiley,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Petroleum Cen
tre, Pa. Will practice In tb several
Court of Forest County, S6-ly
' Holmes House,
HHONKSTA, PA., opposlU the Depot
1 C. t. Mshle. Proprietor. Good Bta
bl I connected with the house. tf.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL ITsmeM Maker and Rud
dier. Three doors north of Holmes
House, Tloaesta, Pa. All work Is war
. run tot. ' tf.
Syracuse House,
T1DIOUTK, Pa., J. A D Maokk, Prople
tors. The house hss liecn thoroughly
refitted and Is now in the Arnt-clsas order,
with the best of accommodations. Any
nformallon concerning Oil Territory at
tills point will be cheerfully nirnlsimi.
-ly J.iD. MAUEE,
Exchange Hotel,
IOWF.R TIDIOUTE, Pa., D. 8. Rams
J oniti. A Mom Prop's. This house having
beuu retited is now the most desirable stop
nine place in Tldioute. A good Billiard
iUifH attached. 4-ly
National Hotel,
"VG&Bffl Fin. ndTe. A JWftfMf
,ow oen as a first class house, sltunte at
pe Junction or the oil Creek Allegheny
ttiverand Philadelphia A Erie Railroads,
CDosite the Depot. Parties having to lay
er trains will find this the most oonven
viit hotel in town, with first-class accom
modations and reasonable charge, tr.
Tlfft Sons Co. 'a
NEW ENGINES. The undersigned hsve
forssle and will receive orders for the
alove Engine. Messrs. Tlfft Sons A Co.
are now sanimur to this market their 12-
) torse Power Engine with 14-Ilorse Power
Holler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
urriciM at Duncan A Cluurant a, deslers
In Well Fixtures, Hardware, Ac, Main St,
next door to Chase House, Pleasautvllle,
anil at Mansion Mouse, Tltnsvtlie.
tf. K. BRETT A bON, Agents.
- Joln. K. Hallock,
A TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
XX ratenta,No. 605 French street(opposite
Reed House) Erie, Ps, Will practice in
the several State Court and the United
States Courts. Special attention given to
soHcltiri patents for Inventors : Infringe
ments, re-issue and extension of patents
eansiuiiy auenoea to. nererenoesi lion.
J sines Campbell, Clarion; Hon. John K.
MoCalmont. Franklin: II. L. A A. B.
Richmond, Meadvillet W. E. Lathy. Ti
onesta. 2 7
Dr. J. L. Aconb,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has
had fifteen years' experience in a large
and auccessfuf practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Office- in his Drug and
Grocery Store, located In Tldioute, near
xiaiouie uouse.
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines. Llauora
Tobacco. Ciinrs. Stationery. Glass. Paints.
Oils, Cutlery, and fine Groceries, all of the
beat quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
H. R. BURGESS, an exDerienced Drug.
p 1st from New York, haa charge of the
-itora. au prescriptions put up accurately.
W. P. Mercllllott,
'Attorney at JLw.
REAL ESTATE AGCXT.
TIONESTA, PA.
:T7-tf
john a. oali , est IT.
CNN A. PSOSIS, VICC PRIST. A. H.ITIIlt, CASHM,
TIOlsTEST-A.
SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Dank transacts a General Banking,
Collecting and Exchange liuMiness.
Drafts on the Principal Cities of the
United States snd Europe bought snd sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-30 Bonds
converted on the most favorable terms.
Interest allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4, tf.
KOTIX'K.
"TVU. J. N. BOLARD, of Tldioute, has
reiurnau u uis practice sner an au
senco of four mouths, seut in the Hospi
tals of New York, where rw w ill attend
culls in his profession.
Otlice in Kureka Drug Store, M door
above the hank, Tidioute, Pa. Mtf
JQ-MADE FUOMQ-m
1 1 1 . 1 1 1 1 1 tr iivirntillv n A... 1 a I I . fivpraluulw
til and examine, or samples sent p'stlaL'e
.id for AO cut liiat retail easily fur I0. It
Wolc-nt, l"l Cnathrm 8i.,V, Y, W
!
GREAT EXCITFMENT 1
t theStore of
D. S. KNOX, & CO.,
Elm St., fonest Ta.
We are In dally receipt i the argsstaad
MOST COMPLETE itook.
GROCERIES . 'J'"
. . . . - i . - :
PROVISIONS,
.1
EVR BROUG HT TO THIS MARKET
BOOTS & BUOES !
TOR TH
MILLIONS!
whista we are determined to aU regardless
of price.
ASD
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Kails,
Mschlne tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac, Ac,, Ac, which we offer at greatly re
duced prices.
FURNITURE! FURNITURE ! !
of all kinds,
PARLOR SUITS,
CHAMBER SETS,
LOUNGES,
WHATNOTS,
SPRINO BEDS,
MATRESSES,
LOOKING GLASS
ES, Ac., Ac., Ac,
In ENDLES3 VARIETY. Call and see.
7-tf
D. S. KNOX, A CO.
AGENTS WANTKD FOR THK
LIBRARY OF POETRY AND
MONO. The handsomest and cheapest
work extent. It hss something In it of the
best for every one, for the old, the mid-dle-afred
and the young and must become
universally popular. Exceptinir the Bible
this will be the book most loved and the
most frequently referred to in thefsmily.
Every page has passed under the critiiil
eye of the rest poet,
WM. CULLEN BRYANT.
Bare chance for best apents. The only
book of its kind ever sold by subscription.
Send at once for circulars, Ao., to
GEO. MACLEAN, Publisher,
Sa-4t 71.1 Sansom St., Philadelphia, Pa.
SEASON OF 1870-71.
MASON & HAMLIN CABINET
ORGANS.
Important Improvement
Patent June 21st and August 23d, 1S70.
REDUCTION OF PRICES.
The Mason A Hamlin Organ Co., have
the pleasure of announcing Important im
provements In their Cabinet Organs, for
which Patents were granted them in June
and August last. These are not merely
meretricious attachments, but enhance the
substantial excellence of the iustruments.
They are also enabled by increased facil
ities a large new manufactory, they hone
hereafter to supply all orders promptly.
The Cabinet Organs made by this IHnni
pany are of such universal reputation, not
only throughout America, but also in Eu
rope, thaM'ew will need assuranee of their
superiority.
They now offer Four Octave Cabinet Or
gans, In quite plain cases, but equal accord
ing to their capacity to anything they make
for M each.
The same, Doub'e Reed, trtS. Five Oc
tave Double Reed Organs, live Stops, with.
Knee swell and Treiuulaut, in elegant case
with several of the Mason and Hamlin
Improvements, I1SUS. The same Extra
with new Vox Humana, Automatic Swell
etc., $150. Five Octaves, three sets Reeds,
seven stops with Kuphone; a splendid in
struments, !25,
A new illustrated catalogue with full
information, and repuced prices, is now
ready, and wljl be sent free, with a testi
monial circular, presenting a great mass of
evidence as to the superiority of these in
struments, to an? one sending his address
to MASON A 11 A M I.I N ORGAN CO., 154
Tremout Street, Boston, os 506 Broadway.
N. Y. - 30-4t
4.00 P. M. Freight and Accommodation
daily.
Bv Iticv. T. Dk Witt Talmaok,
The most Popular Preacher iu America.
Agent wanted everywhere, male or fo
male, to sell this great work, is better than
Mark Twain, and no trouble to sell. Jtig
Profits. Send lor terms and illustrated 12
age circular, Evans, Mfnddurt A Co., Pub
isuvrs, No, 740 Sajisojji Ut., l'Uiladelphia.
8$-4t
Making Love In Spanish.
In Reville, which ia popularly be
lieved to be in Spain, there ia a most
felicitioua invention in the was of mak
ing love clandestinely. After dark
young eabellera steals beneath the la
dy's lattice which, perchance, is in
the third story and softly unscrewing
the handle of their walking sticks, pro
ceed to extract from the same, which
art hollow, length after length of hol
low tubing, screwing them together af
ter the fashion of a Japanese fishing
pole, or the old apparatus wherewith
sweeps clean chimneys. A mouth
piece is fitted iuto each end, and one
raised to the window above. Boon, by
the aid of this improved speaking tube,
two souls with a certaiu unanimity of
thought and two hearts with a possible
unison of pulsation, are softly com
muning. Now this is all very nice, seductive
ly romantic, all that sort of thing, but
mark what the knowledge of ji brought
to a certain youth of Baltimore. He
had read of it, or heard of it, and hap-
Jiening to have a surreptitious affection
or a young and wealthy lady which
she as surreptitiously reciprocated, he
determined, with her connivance, to
avail himself of it. lie got a tin pipe
of the desired length, made by a tin
ner, and in each end of it placed, for
want of a better mouth-piece, a funnel.
Delicious conversation went on, he sit
ting on the top of a water barrel and
she leaning from the window above.
They would converse for hours, and ex
change all the soil nonsense in the
world, and then he would unship the
apparatus, put the. funnels in his pock
et, wrap the pieces up iu a newspaper,
and go home in a condition of etherial
bliss. The course of true love never
did run smooth, and one evening the
old gentleman, smoking in the back
garden at an unusual hour, saw the
young gentleman arrive, fix up his ap
paratus and commence his soul-communing
operations.
He made up his mind in a minute.
He went into the kitchen and asked
for a pitcher of boiling water; it was
handed to him and off he posted up
stairs. Just as he reached his daugh
ter's door he commenced calling to her.
So telling her lover to wait a moment,
she came to the door. "Nellie, ray
dear, ruu up to my room and get my
spectacles; I'll wait here till you come
owa." She disappeared up stairs, aud
e 1 stole cautiously to the window. The
minute he touched the funnel the amor
ous and unsuspecting youth clapped
his mouth to it to resume where he had
broken off "my darling, you cannot
imagine how Just then the old gen
tleman commenced assiduously filling
the funnel with hot wuter, and the rest
of t'lat miserable youth's sentence was
never heard. He wore fiour on his
face for a fortnight after, and declines
to go into society just at present.
The Philadelphia Ledger, in an ar
ticle on the support of clergymen.tells
a very good story, for the truth of,
which it vouches. There lived iu Phil- j
adelphia two brothers, one of whom ;
adhered to the faith of his fathers and
was a prominent Quaker, while the
other went among the world's people
and became conuected with a church
that employed salaried preachers. The ,
brothers occasionally had good-natured
discussions on religious matters, in the '
course of which the Quaker brother :
did not fail to harp upon the subject of,
hireling preachers. One day the "hire- j
line" advocate showed h:s brother a :
list of missionaries belonging to his
denomination, with their stipends set
against their names, from $50 up, but
none exceeding $500 per annum, and
few reaching two-fifths ot that amount.
"There, brother," he said, "you are al
ways talking of hireling nunistery,
what do you think of thut list? Do
these men serve for hire?" "I'll tell
thee what I think," said the other,
handinir back the paper: "if I pre-'
tended to nay preachers at all, I would
pay them better than that."
The Boston Fo$t says : "A piece of
human hair may be seen at 17 Essex
street, with which is connected a most
romantio story. It weighs 7 ounces, is
b4 inches in length, ot dark brown
hue, and as soft as silk. This is, pro-
bably, one of the finest specimens that i
has ever been publicly exhibted in !
America. It is frem the head of a
Swabian peasant girl, of whom it is
said she had two suitors. One was rich, '
the other poor. The rich one (a miller
who owned the cottage in which the
fair one and her mother lived) threat
ened to drive his tenants from the roof
unless he was accepted. They had al- j
ready paid a portion of the price de-1
rounded, and only desired time to meet
the remainder. A hair merchant, at
this juncture, appeared in the village,
and, being ottered an uncommon price,
she determined the part with her flow-.
ing locks. These were taken to Ioip-'
sic, and sold at the riiduuI fair for
1175 to an American dealer; and form '
thence the muguificeut specimen found
its way to this country. It is valued ;
at $300. I
1
The latest novelties are evening
shoes for ladies, which are made with
gilt heels aud a greut deal of gold em
broidery over the instep and caps to
the toes. j
Ths Rst-Klller.
Adam Bepler keeps a tavern in Al
legheny. One rather gloomy evening
recently, when Adam was in rather a
gloomy humor, a stranger presented
himself about bed-time, and asked to
stay all night.
"Certainly," said Adam, eying the
rather seedy-looking stranger. "If you
take breakfast it will be shust one dol
lar." "But I have no money," said the
man. "I am dead broke, but if you
will trust me "
"Ah!" said Mr. Bepler. "I don't
like that kind of customer. I could
fill mine house every night rait dat
kind, but dat won't help me run dis
house."
"Well," said the stranger after a
pause, "have you any rats about
here?"
"Ya" replied Adam, "you'd better
believe we have. Why, de place is
lousy mit dem."
"Well," rejoined the man, "I'll tell
you what I'll do. If you let me have
lodging and breakfast, I'll kill all the
rats to-morrow."
"Done," said Bepler, who had long
been despeately anuoyed by the num
ber of Norways that infested his prem
ises. So the stranger, a gaunt, sallow,
melancholy-looking man, was shown
to bed, and uo doubt had a'gnod sleep.
After breakfast next morning; Mr.
Bepler took occasion to remiud his
guest of the contract of the previous
night.
"What kill your rats?. Certainly,"
said the melancholy stranger. "Where
are they the thickest V
"Dey are pooty thick In der barn
yard," answered Adam.
"Well, let's go out there," said the
stranger, "But stop? Have you got a
piece of hoop-iron ?"
A piece about fifteen feet long was
brought for the stranger, who examin
ed it carafully from one end to the
other. Expressing himself entirely
satisfied, finally, with its length and
strength, he proceeded to the bain, ac
compunied by Mr. Bepler and rjuite a
number of idlers who were anxious to
see in what manner the great rat-killer
was goiug to work. Arriving there
the stranger looked around a little,
then placed his back firmly against
the door and raised his weapon.
"Hour," said be to Adam, "I am
ready. Fetch on your rats."
How this sceue terminated we are
not precisely informed. It is said
that, although no rats answered the
appeal of the stranger, Mr. Bepler be
gan to smell one pretty strongly at this
juncture, and became very angry. One
thing is certain, and that is t'lat the
new boarder was not at Adam's table
at dinner, nor for any subsequent meal.
He bad suddenly resolved to depart,
probably to "pursue his avocation of
rat-killing in other quarters.
A Portland paper is publishing
what purports to be extracts from a
diary kept by Hawthorne, when a boy
of ten years, while he was spending
some time in Maine. This is a para
graph : "This morning the bucket got
n!f the chain, and dropped back into
the well. I wanted to go down on the
stones and get it. Mother would not
cansent, for fear the well might cave
in, but hired baniuel Shane to go down.
In the goodness of heart, she thought
the son of old Mrs. Shane not quite so
valuable as tho son of the Widow
Hawthorne. God bless her for all her
love for me, though it may be some
selfish."
"Everv man ought to do something
for the Home Missionary cause," said
a wealthy roan in Ma;ne to a missiona
ry the other day, ' and I hope you will
visit every man in this parish, as all
can do something. I can just as well
make my contribution now as any time.
These are hard times, but every man
should do his part. By the way, you
needn't call on tuy son he's sick and
I'll give enough for him and me too."
And then that wealthy man gave the
missionary a ten cent stamp.
Pkook Positive. "Why do you
oppose the giving of the ballot to wo
men ?" asked a lady, the othe- evening,
of a confirmed bachelor. "Excuse me,
madam," replied he, "but I have not
sufficient confidence in their capacity
to conduct government afftiirs. j
"What evidence of their mental inferi-1
orily a mankind can you advance?"
queried the lady, "A simple fact is
enough to satisfy my mind, and that is
the frightful way in which they do up
their back hair,
A Washington school boy has a
grievance, and writes about it to the
Surthu": "When a boy goes to school
in the morning au Forgets to Sharpin
his Pencil Why then of Crose he Hast
to do it in School An if he dos his
Teacher Takes His knife away fis.n
him. Then he goes home nn tels his
Father an he Makes a fus, But he
never gets his knite."
1
A philosophical individual, who
suddenly sat down 011 a slippery side
walk in Milwaukee, disarmed the us
ual ridicule incident to accidents of
that character by coolly taking a cigar
out of his pocket, aud lighting it be
fore getting up.
Iron Boats on the Ohio.
Iron boats for the Ohio River have
finally come iuto competition with
wooden ones, and, of course have won
the day. Captain Boardman, of Cin
cinnati, has just completed an iron
steamboat, the John T. Moore, and
on Monday she was ready to take her
first cargo for New Orleans and lied
Hiver. Having an iron hull, divided
into eleven water-tight compartments,
which makes it particularly impossible
to sink her, she is entitled to an abate
ment of rates of insurance on the car
go according to the diminished risk.
But the masters of the wooden boats
did not fancy this just discrimination
against them, and so brought their
combined influence to bear on the Cin
cinnati iusurance company, by a threat
to withdraw their risks if they insured
on the iron Moore for less than the
wooden rate. The home companies
yielded, but some of the agents of for
eign companies gave Captain Board
man reduced rates of insurance and
he was enabled to lessen freight rates
accordingly. This is one. significant
fact for Pittsburgh river men to con
sider. Another of equal import is
that the friends of Captain Pitufield,
the builder of Boardman's iron boat,
have iu contemplation the formation
of a joint stock company, with $500,
000 capital, in Cincinnati, for the pur
pose of building iron hulls. A num
ber of prominent steamboat builders
have already signified their intention
of becoming shareholders in the enter
prise. There is an immense advantage
in being first to build the iron boats,
which will soon be the.oalkind Ised
on the Westwaivers. Shall Cincin
nati gt tluadUf Pittsburgh in what
should. le our own field ? FitUburgh
' Truth in Opera.
One night when Carlotta Patti was
in Brooklyn she sang with farranti,
Just as the buffo singer was leading
her out the door to the platform some
one in the room hehind him cried out
that his coat had burst at the seam in
the back. It was too late to recede,
for the audience had seen him, and the
two singers advanced to the footlights.
But the knowledge of his mishap took
all the humor out of Ferranti, and the
duet (which was sung in Italian) was
so dolefully devoid of the usual hu
mor that Patti noticed it before they
were half through, and dropping the
text of the song, she fitted the follow
ing words to it in Italian :
"What is the matter with you to
night? I not undersand your nervous
ness. Nobody laughs at you."
Whereupon Ferranti, in mellifluous
baritone and equally mellifluous Ital
ian, resonded :
"By the Virgin, I have bureted mv
coat. Everybody will laugh when I
am eoingon.
At this unexpected interchange of
personal leeniigs, Max Maretzek and
his orchestra began to laugh imme
diately. Then the people in the front
seats, seeing the orchestra and the
artists laughing, joined themselves.
and the merriment presently broke out
1 -1, '.i .
in apniauses an over tne house.
"Ah," said one of the Brooklyn pa
pers, "there ;s always something majes
tic in Ferranti's singing of that song.
People burst into sympathetic laugh
ter without being able to tell why !"
Absent-minded people are funny.
Sir Isaac New ten wanted his servant to
carry out a stove that was getting too
hot. A fellow stole his dinner before
his eyes, and he afterwards thought he
had eaten it because he saw the dishes
empty. A Scotch professor walked in
to the ruiddU of a horse-pond while
pondering on Final Cause. Ben.
Franklin punched down the ashes of
his pipe with the finger of a young la
dy sitting at his side, and severely
burned the little white poker. A gen
tleman in Troy, N. Y received a let
ter iu the dark, and used the letter to
light his lamp, and then looked about
for it to read. Pere Gratry, one day
in Paris, thinking he had left, his watch
at home, took it out of his pocket to
see if he had time to go bac-K after it.
Neauder, the church historian, used to
go to his lectures in his night cap and
sometimes walked in the gutter.
A poor soldier in New Hampshire,
who, after three applications, succeed
ed in getting $100 bounty, seut at once
110 to an uncle who had loaned hun
that amount when he was in desperate
need. A few days ago the uncle died,
and by his will lu left the penniless
soldier all his estate, valued at $200,.
000, giving as his reason for so doing,
that he had many times lent money to
his relatives, and he aloue hu 1 repaid
him.
An acquaintance from the country
having vifited some friends, and being
about to depart, presented a little boy,
one of the family, with a half dollar,
iu the presence of hi mother. "Please,
is it a good one?" said the lad. "Cer
tainly," replied the gentleman, sur-
IiriseJ ; "why do you ask ?" "Because
'd rather have a bad one; they'd let
me keep it ; if I get any good niouey
it goes into the bank, aud I never get
it again."
A Novel Gun Carriage.
There is a comical . story connected
with the Ordnance Select Committee.
It was at one time proposed to fire
mountain-guns off the backs of mules
that carried them. It was urged that
this would obviate the necessity of dis
mounting the gun from the mule's
back and mounting it on its carriage;
a mountain battery could thus come
into action in far less time. This pro
posal was warmly taken up by the
commute, who fourthwith proceeded
to test its feasibility. A mulo or don
key was procured, and a small gun
strapped firmly to a cradle resting on
the pack-saddle, so that the weapon
pointed over the donkey's tail. The
animal was then led into the marshes
at Woodwich, accompanied by the
committee and several "big wigs, who
were attracted by such an experiment.
On arriving at the butt the gun was
loaded, the donkey turned with his tail
towards the earthen mound, and the
usual preparations made for firing by
means of a lanyard and friction tube.
Hereupon one of the committee re
marked that this mode of firing might
derange the aim by the jerk on pulling
the lanyard. ' A discussion followed,
and it was finally arranged jo fire the
gun by the piece of slow match tied
to the vent. This was done, and the
match duly ignited. Hitherto the
donkey had taken rather a sleepy in
terest in the proceedings ; but tne fiz
zing of the match on his back caused
him first to prick up his ears, then to
lay them back, and, finally-to begin to
turn round. 1 tie coramitteee . were
thunder-struck; and "ske'daddled" in
al) directions; the secretary threw
himself flat on his face; there was an
agonizing moment of suspense : then
bang the shot went ricochetting
away in one direetion. while the
wretched donkey turned a complete
summersault in the other.
A Fiji Comedy.
The Fiji Islanders have just estab
lished their first theater, and a native
has written a tragedy for it.
The heroine of the tragedy is a girl
who loved a noble young cannibal
The father of the latter forbade him
to marry the girl, because she bad no
fat and juicy relations who could be
sliced down and fried for the wedding
breakfast. But the lover made her
swear the should never be separated.
In fulfillment of her vow she ate him
one night at their old trysting-place
and, after the last mouthful of him had
disappeared, she wept tears of joy to
think that now their two hearts would
beat as one.
The father, when he hears the sn
news, goes up stairs, puts on his best
banana-leaf, and dies, and the villain
of the piece is about to lunch off the
remains, when the heroine rushes in
kills the villain, eats both of the bodies
herself, and chokes to death on the vil
lain's rib, which sticks crosswise in her
throat, and strangles her as the curtain
comes down amid frantic applause.
a " -a 1 1 '
A farmer cut down a tree which
stood so near the boundary line of his
farm that it was doubtful whether it be
longed to him or his neighbor. The
neighbor, however, claimed the tree,
and prosecuted the man who cut it for
damages. The case was sent to
court. Time was v anted, temper sour
ed, and temper lost; but the ease was
finally gained by the prosecutor. The
lUBIt no licaiu v lug unuDavnuu n ua,
that the msu who gained the cause
went to the lawyer's office to execute a
deed ot the whole tarin, which be had
been compelled to sell to pay his costs I
Then, houseless and homeless, he thrust
his hands into his pockets, and tri
umphantly exclaimed, "I've beat him 1"
In all the novels, when woman are
alluded to, they are described as ethe
real creatures thata man can take under
his arm and carry off any where.but a
man who has investigated the matter
says, you take the lightest girl of your
acquaintance, throw her over your
shoulders and undertake to elope
with her and you will think she is made
of pig iron, while the romantic stories
about carrying girls against their will
is all bosh. It would take at least
three men to elope with one girl, if she
is anything of a kickist.
The discovery of a lock of hair in the
heart of a tree in Kentucky, is thus ex
plained : Iu nlden times, when wizard
cures for diseases were more iu vogue
than at present, a cure for phthisic
was prescribed as follows: Take a
lock of hair from the head of a
patient, especially if a child, and bore
a hole in the tree, place the hair in
the hole and then plug the hole up.
The simultaneous growth of the child
and the tree takes the malady from
the child, and it is supposed to be
transmitted to the tree.
An eccentric minister in a large
parish had seventeen couples to marry
at once in a grand common service at
church, in the course of the wedding
he asked one of the men to pledge
himself to the wrong woman. The
man naturally protested, but was told,
" Hold your tongue ! I will marry
you all now right here ; you can sort
yourselves going home."
Hasty Worda.
The evil that is in the world, that
rushes down our streets, devasting
homes, ruining happiness, and laying
wate the pleasant places, has many
fountains. Sin dDcs its deadly work
in many ways, and sorrow comes from
variety ot sources. Hasty words
have much to answer for among the
rest. We are apt to think that a word
or two does not matter; that we need
not trouble ourselves to be over par
ticular as to what we say. But this is
only one of our many mistakes. Words
live, there is so much vitality in
them that they take root even upon
very unlikely soil. Hasty words are
almost sure to have little sense and
less kindness in them. They are not
the offspring of meek and quiet spirits,
but of hot, passionate tempera. "All
men are liars!" Who but a man in
a pasiion would have said that? The
assertion is so sweeping and unjust,
that if David had not prefaced it by
his profession, "I said in my haste,
we should not have understood it.
Perhaps the reason why such are spok
en is, that the speaker leeis nimseit
aggrieved. We often do iu this life
of ours; we cannot have all waspish
from our brothers and sisters,, aid so
we allow ourselves to grow fretfuj aud
angry. We are jinreaouable enough
to suppose that all things shouqi be
ours, and whea we find only few things
coming to our share, then we betome
discontented and peevish, and speak
nasty words.
Precious Stones and Millstones.
A rich nobleman was showing a
friend a great collection f precious
stones, whose value was almost beyond
counting, there were diamonds, and
pearls, and rubies and gems from al
most every country on the globe,whicb.
had been "gathered by the possessor
with the greatest labor and expanse ;
"and yet, he remarked, "they yield
me no income." His friend replied
that he had two stones which cost him
about ten florins each, yet they yielded
him an income of two thousand florins
a year. In much surprise the noble
man desired to see the wonderful
stones, when the man lad him down to
his mill and pointed to the toiling,
gray millstones, ihey were lani
ly crushing the grain into snow
flour
for the use of hundreds who depesM
on the world for their daily bread
The two dull, homely stones did more
good in the world, and yielded a lar
ger income, than all the nobleman's
jewels.
Some people's notions of comfort
differ from those of others. Mr. Mat
thews once went over Warwick gaol,
and when he came to "the place of ex
ecution," he observed to the gooler,
that, considering the extent of the
country, and the number of executions
which might take place, the drop
struck him as being very small. "I
don't know," said the man; "to be
sure six 'ould be crowded, hut foive
'ould hang very comfortable 1'
A learned clergyman was accosted
in the following manner by an
illiterate preacher who despised educa
tion : "Sir you have been to college I
suppose?" "Yes, sir," was the reply.
"I am thankful" rejoined the former,
"that the Lord opened my mouth with
out any learning." "A similar event,"
retorted the clergyman "took place
in Balaam's time ; but such things are
of rare occurrence at the present day."
The new trowel bayonets being man
ufactured at the Springfield armory
are shaped almost exactly like a sharp
poiuted trowel, and the dimensions are
the same. Their design is not so much
for charges as for a skirmUhin Hue,
and, being furnished with finger pieces
where they are joined to the guns, they
can be used either to lop boughs or
dig holes for picket defence.
A drawing-master.woi ry ing his pupil
with contemptuous remarks upon his
lack of ability ended by asking : "Now
sir, if you were going to draw me,
what part of me would you commence
with first?" The boy, with a meaning
look into the master's face answered
very quietly, "Your neck."
A rich man in Brattleboro' was
applied to for a contribution in build
ing an iron feuce round the cemetery
in that town. But he decliued on the
rather irreverent but witty plea that
a cemetery does not ueed auy feuce, as
those inside cannot get out, and tlux-o
who are outside do uot want to get in."
A writer says. "I have seen women
so delicate that they are afraid to ride
for fear of the horse running away;
afraid to sail for fear the boat should
overset and afraid to walk for fear
the dew might fall; but I never saw
-one afraid to get married.
Yhe hotel in Chetopa, Kansas, is
temporarily closed on account of a
little difficulty between the cook and
the proprietor, which was settled with
a pistol. The proprietor is iu his grave
and the cook is in jail.
"Vill you duke something?" said a
German tetotaller to a friend, while
standing uear a tavcru, "I don't
care if I do," was the repl?. "Veil,
let us dake avalk!"