19 rVBLTBIIED EVERY TUESDAY, BY
W. R. DUNN.
OtTlo In Knox's Building, Elrr St-roct.
TEH MS, J2.00 A YKAU.
No Mnbserlpllons received for a shorter
period than three months.
trrcspnndonco solicited from nil parts
cil'tlm country. Ji notice will be taken of
iinnnnymous coniniunlcntions.
Marriages ami Death notices Inserted
gratis.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TIO N EST A LODGE, NO. 477,
I. O. Gk T.
a. Teeta every Wodnosday evening, at 8
ll o'clock.
J. WIXANS, W. V. T.
M. CI-AUK, W. u.
a. aawroit pkiti. mii.kii w. tatk.
PETTIS A TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
yt IM SKrttt, TI0XE8TA, PA.
Isaao Ash,
A TTORNEY AT LAW. Oil City. Va.
A Will practice in the various Courts of
J orcsl UOUntV. All inismrs" Piiiruniwi w
hi rare will rocelve prompt attention.
16 ly
W. E. Latlvy,
TTCVRNRY ATT-AW AND HOMCI-
A. TOll IN BAN K KTPTC Y, TloneKta,
forest Co., Pa., will practice In Clarion,
Vnnaniro nnd Warren Countlos. OlUco on
Kim Htreet, two doors above Lawrence's
grocery store. .
W. W. Mason,
TTOUNF.Y AT LAW. Office on Elm
A. Street, above Walnut, TlonesU, Pa.
C. W. GllflUan,
ATTORN KY AT LAW', Franklin, Ve
nango Co., Pa. tf.
N. B. Smiley,
A TTOHN'EY AT LAW. Petroleum Cen
J tre, Pft. Will practice in the several
t'ourta of Jr'oreat County. -Jo-iy
Holmes House,
rpiONKSTA, PA., opposite the TVpot.
1 C. I. Mahln, Proprietor. Good Sta
bling connected with the house. tf.
Jos. Y. Saul,
1 in Af'TICAL Harness Maker and Rad-
1 tiler. Throe doors north of Holmes
House. Tioncsla, Pa. All work is war
ranted. tf.
Syracuse House,
fivnTorTF. r a.. J. A T Maokk. Proplo.
1 tors. The house has been thoroughly
n.tltteil nrt Is now in the first-elasa order,
with the liest of accommodations. Any
nforination concerning Oil Territory at
this point will bo fheerlully rurnlsiicd.
-1T J. xl. MAOEF
Exchange Hotel,
T OWKK TIDIOUTE, Pa., P. S. Rams
.1 J VKKl. A Won r"r:
lia.ii rntltAjl IlllinW 1
iikki. . Son Proti'a. This house having
been roiited Is now tlie niostuosirauiestop-
ping place In Tidi
Kooni attached.
Jioute. A good liilliara
4-ly
National Hotel,
IRVINKTOV. PA. W. A. Hallcnback
"Proprietor. This hotel is Nkw, and is
,j open as a first class house, situate at
injunction of the Oil Creek A Allegheny
itivorand Philadelphia it Erie Railroads,
nposite the Depot. Parties having to lay
ver trains will hud this the most eonven
ent hotel in town, with nrst-clawi aceoni
uiodations and reasonable charges, tr.
Tint Sons oV Co.'s
ATF.W KNUINE9. The undersigned hnv
1 1 forsalo and will receive orders for the
above Ensino. Messrs. Tint Nona sc lo,
are now sendins to this market their 12
Horse I'ower Kngino with U-lJorso Power
' lloiler neculiarlv adapted to deep wells.
Offh-km at Duncan A Challiint's, dealers
In Well Fixtures, Hardware, Ac, Main St,
next door to Chase House, Pleasautvillo,
and at Mansion House, Tilnsvlllo.
if. K. 1SUKTT A WON, Agents.
Joh,n. K. Mallock,
TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
J l'atents.No. 56.1 French stret(oppostte
Reed House) Erie, la. Will practice in
theseveral State Courts and the United
States Courts. Special attention given to
aolicitin patents for Inventors ; Infringe-
wents, re-issue and extension of patents
.arefully attended to. iteierenccs: 11011,
Junes Campbell. Clarion; Hon. John S,
McCalmout, Franklins H. L. A A. B.
Richmond, Mcadville W. E. Lathy. Ti
oiiexta. 2 7
Dr. J. L.Acomb,.
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has
I had tilten years' exjierienee in a large
and suottcsafnl practii'o, will attend all
ProfeHhional Calls. Otltce in his Drug and
irocery Hure, located in Tidiouto, near
Tldioule House.
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, (Slass, Paints,
t ils. Cutlery, and tine tiroceries, all of the
liest quality, aud will bo sold at reasonable
H. R. BURGESS, an experienced Drug
gist from New York, has charge of tho
Store. A 11 prescriptions put up accurately.
tf.
W. P. Mercilliott,
Attorney at I a w .
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE,
ItCAIi KSTATE AGKXT.
TIONESTA, PA.
S7-tf
JOHN A. DALE, aREI'T.
OHH A. PROPER, VICE PREST. A. H. STEELE, CA6HR,
TIOITESTA
SAVINGS BANK,
Tionettta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Bank tninsaetn a General Banking,
t'ollecting and Exchungo Ilusiness.
Dralls on the Principal Cities of the
United States and Europe bought and sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-30 Bonds
ronvertod on the most favorable terms.
1 ntereht allowed on time deposits.
M ar. 4, tf.
DR. J. N. ROLARD, f'f Tidioute, has
returiiNd U) ids pruc.tico alter an ab
Kenco of four niontlis, spent inllui llo.,pi
t.ilsofNew York, wheio lt will ultouil
culls iu his profession.
Ollice in Kurckii lu ng Stoic, 3d door
idxve tliu bunk, Tidioute, Pa. 4'. lf
11 fANTI'.D. Land in Pennsylvania, for
cadi in ni eond htixk". TowiiHcud
J'.r- ., Ml Suih 'Hmil f-W, I1iU Wt
FOREST
" Let us havo Faith
VOL. III. NO 42.
GREAT EXCITFMENT!
at tho'Stnro of
D. S. KNOX, Sc CO.,
Elm St., ionesta Ta.
We are in daily receipt 01 tha arjrrt.nd
MOST COMPLETE stock
and
PROVISIONS,
EVEKBROUGHTTOTHIS MARKET
BOOTS & SHOES!
ron the
MILLIONS!
which ws ara determined to sell regardless
of priess.
HABDWABB
AND
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Kails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac., Ac,, Ac, which wa offer at greatly re
duced prices.
FURNITURE ! FURNITURE I !
of all kinds,
PARLOR SUITS,
CHAMBER 8ET&,
LOUNGES,
WHATNOTS,
SPRINtt BEDS,
MATRESSES,
LOOKING GLASS
ES, Ac., Ac, Ac.
Iu ENl)LES3 VARIETY. Call and see,
7-tf D. S. KNOX, A CO.
A UKNTS WANTED FOR TH K
T LIBRARY OF POETRY AND
SONti. The handsomest and cheapest
work extent. It has something In It of the
best for everv one for the old. tha mid
die-aged and the young and must become
universally popular. Excepting the Bible
this will be tho book most loved aud the
mest frequently referred to in the family.
Every page has passed under the critical
eyo of tho grout nont.
WM, CULLEN BRYANT1.
Bare tihance for best agents. The only
book of its kind ever sold by subscription,
Send at once for circulars, Ac, to
GEO. MACLEAN, Publisher,
30-it 719 Sansom Bt., Philadelphia, Pa.
SEASON OF 1870-71.
MASON & HAMLIN CABINET
ORGANS.
Important Improvements.
Patent June 21st and August "3d, 1870.
REDUCTION OF PRICES. .
The Mason A Hamlin Organ Co., have
tho pleasure of announcing important im
provements in their Cabinet Organs, for
which Patents were grunted them in June
and August last. Tlieso are not merely
meretricious annulments, but enhance the
substantial excellence of the instruments.
They -are ulso etiabhsl by increased m-ii-ities
a large new manufactory, they hope
hereafter to supply all orders promptly.
Tho Cabinet Organs made by this Com
pany are of such universal reputation, not
only throughout America, but also in Eu
rope, that few will need assurance of their
superiority.
They now offer Four Octavo Cabinet Or-
? tans, in quite plain cases, but equal aceord
ng to their capacity to anything they make
for &0 each.
The same, Doub'o Reed, SiiS. Five Oc
tavo Double Reed Organs, Five Ktops.with
Knee swell and Tremulant, in elegant case
with several of the Mason aud Uaiiilin
improvements, fli1,. Tho same Extra
with new Vox Humana, Automatic, Swell
etc., (l."i0. Five Octaves, three sets Itceds,
seven stops with Euphono; a splendid in
struments, fri'i.
A new illustrated cataloguo with full
information, and repuced prices, is now
ready, uud will bo sent free, With a testi
monial circular, presenting a great mass of
evidence as to the superiority of these in
struments, to auv one sending his address
to MASON tV HAMLIN Ollt J AN CO., 151
Tremont Street, liuslon, os i'jti liroadway,
N. Y. 30--H
4.00 P. M. Freight an 1 Accommodation
daily.
llv Ri:v. T. Iu Win T.mmauk,
Tho most Popular Preacher in America.
Agents wanted everywhere, inalo or fe
male, to sell this great work, is better than
Mark Twain, and no trouble to sell, iiig
l'rolils. Send for terms ami illustrated 1
page circular, Evans, Ntoddurt A Co.,Pub-iis.lu.rt-,
No, 7K'Sai-oin St., Philadelphia.
that Right makes Might ; and in
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, JANUARY 31, 1871.
THE GOOD DIRECTOR.
An Eay for the Tcarhcru' Institute,
January tension, A. JJ. loil.
11Y BAMUlib D. 1KWIX.
reus lmvo been activo, and tho
orators of tho schools lmve never been
silent in extolling tho "Model Teach
er." All have frequently heard of
him, but none havo ever seen him, be
cause ho never existed. Fine spun
theories have been advanced backed
up by apparently good logic of the
manner of Rrrmng at porlection in
tho Art of teaching, but human fiu'lty
has always been in the way of carrying
out to the letter these inaugurated the
ories. At a former session of the Teachers'
Institute of Forest county, there was
au essay read by an imported lecturer,
who came thither with an essay cut and
dry upon the subject of tho "Model
Teacher." I listened to it with great sat
isfaction, and some some degree of be
wilderment at tho lofty style in which
tho subject -was hantlled. He, on that
occasion, I remember, portrayed a
model man, handy at every thing he
undertook, one who could with equal
facility soar among tho stars, moon
and clouds, or start the fire on a frosty
morning at a country school house,
and carry out tho ashes afterward.,
while mcantinio tho freezing children
wero shivering around the firo and
wondering if it was going to be any
colder. But the aforesaid individual
imported as aforesaid, to portray as
asoresaid, the model teacher as afore'
said, left a big liuk out of his chain of ,
argument by not also describing the
"Model Director." This I will en
deavor to do in a fuint manner, re
membering "he who does tho best he
can does well."
"I shall portray tho charatera
Which in his lovely lifo he bears."
The good director from ray stand
point of view is the very bone aud
sinew, joints and marrow of a good
school organization, he is "the wheel
within a wheel" that runs tho machine
ry of our schools. The gladsome
children see him coming afar off, they
shout with joy, "ho comes, he comes !"
The good director pulls the wires
aud cords behind tho scenes that
moves the gay poppets at the front, in
fact he is tho sine qua non of a perfect
school organization.
The good director inspects the school
house frequently, not omitting to ex
amine even the flues and stove pipes.
Tho good director encourageth the
teacher to to proceed to his dijy at the
early morn, and not to Blumber or
sleep when the canticlcer doth crow to
awaken a sleepy world.
The good director both by precept
and example encourageth the scholar,
to pursue bis lawful avocatious, to be
a servant of the teacher whom he ftl.o
. i- i i i-
Scholar) 1.4 to look lllwoi lift n rrllul'.liun
j ..j b
Angel who will lead him on the road
to honor and prosperity.
The good director is dowu on stu
dents or scholars playing, or endeavor
ing to play, or inciting other scholars
to play the truant, he generally eschew
ing evil of this description in partic
ular. The good director is not absent from
his post when the trumpet of duty calls
and sounds. His quiet ear will dulj
hear it und he will be on hands every
time
The good director takes a special de
light in the mirthful prittle prattle of
the dear children, aud their merry
wives charm his ardent and benevolent
heart like "music sweeping o'er the
sea."
The good director's heart is set 011
tho district school, he nittet be as truo
to that as tho needle is to tho pole.
Yet w here withal his heart is always
merry particularly when ho performs
his duty well. His nose is in front at
times of every school book (to seo if
it don't contain incendiary matter to
fire tho heart of tho child,) aud ho is
not ucfamiliar with tho dictionary
himself.
"The good director who has the
Pennsylvania system finely worked in
to his heart, never flinches at the lay.
iug of a heavy school tax, but his
heart delighteth therein ; at the grum
bling of the bevy taxpayer he wiuketh,
for like Job's war horse he hath al
ready smelted the battle afar oil' and
saith "ha! ha!"
The good director rejoices in raising
the salaries of the ''nioJcl teacher"
IvEPTJBL
that Faith let us to tho end, dare do our duty as we understand
was never known to vote against rais
ing the salary of any school teacher,
but rcjoiccth exceedingly thereat.
His steps arc ordered aright, his
hours are never lonesome, for they arc
regaled and softened by reading the
school law, and by the reception of the
last I'ennsyl vania SchoolJournal, while
by night his hours are charmed by the
perusal of tho Pennsylvania School
Ilcports of all the superintendents of
every county, a fountain of delight, a
source of unfailing joy.
The good director is always alive to
the interests of the people, particular
ly the children, therefore he scruples
not at the laying of nineteen mills on
the dollar school tax, and in an emer
gency will even vote for forty, (wheth
er it is lawful or not.)
Tho good director visits the schools
of his district. He does not shirk his
j duty in this for the school law says "he
shall visit every school once a month"
(Is ote Ibis has no reference to singing
schools.) Yes ho will visit every school,
even though his own family (if he has
one) should be suffering for wood,
thereby evincing a self sacrificing
spirit worthy of an heroic nature.
If he bus no family the good direc
tor will not bo partial in his attentions
to the examination of the school taught
by the female teacher.
Tho good director does not fail to
visit the schols, and his presence is not
wanting at tho Teachers' Institute, in
fact it is "his meat and his drink" to
do his duty, lie will even not object
to appropriating a part, or all of the
school funds, (if the teachers suggest
sO to tho Teachers' Institute, for he
can, by his vote, lay on another mill
on the dollar and the people "cau grin
and bear it."
Tho good director, thus shall he bo
described ; ho lives respected by the
people, though feared by the heavy tax
payer, when he dies, the children, or
those who were children under bis
jurisdiction, and their children come
with tho early spring and o'er his green
grave scatter flowers sweet flowers
while the nightengalcs Philomel the
the robin chants her tunctui lay o er
his sleeping bones, a kind requium
Inlo the hard-hearted tax payer
says "there lies the old serpent," the
dear frolicksonie children say "thcro
lies the good director." llequleseat in
Rtce,
Plrck and Cold Water.
On Thursday night a party of four
jolly fellows congregated in a saloon
not far from tho American Hotel, and
one of them, whom we will call "Joe,"
drew a ring on the table with a piece
of chalk, marked four numbers inside
the ring, aud putting a finger on one
of them told tho other three to each
cover a number with a finger, remark
ing that it was for the trcut, to be paid
W 1 ie "rsc who lilted his hngeroil the
mark. that was sattslactory, and,
. . ... ' . '
there they sat each with a finger im
movably planted. Twenty minutes
passed and tho proprietor fidgeted
tiiree-quarttrs of an hour aud he was
desperate, for still the fingers were im
movable. Ho was bound to break up
that kiud of sport, and, as a lust resort,
brought in his street sprinkling hose
and threatened the crowd. Nobody
stirred. Proprietor than put the nozzle
down th ) the back of one man's neck,
aud gently turned on tho icy stream.
Ho squirmed but the finger didn't
budge; the next lira! wa up the trow
ser leg of No. 2; ho kicked but held
a steady hand 311 tho tnbio. Number
II received a charge of cold water full
in the breast but breasted it like a
warror. Proprietor taxed his wits aud
sent a charge into Joe's ear, but that
worth was too plucky to bo beat at a
game ho had introduced, and swore he
would drown first. It wus evident that
uncomfortable sensations would not
effect the desired object, but Science
did, the proprietor steadily playing on
tho wrist of No. 2 until the icy stream
had so benumbed bis hand that ho lot
fall. Ho treated. This "little ganio"
can hardly bo classed in tho list of
amusements for tho winter season.
Erie Dixpatch.
A student at the Michigan Agri
cultural (Jul lego has realized $10,000
from the sale of a patent gate, invented
by himself.
A firm faith is tho best divinity; a
clean conscience the best law: aud hon
esty the best policy.
If postnga on papers U reduced to
one cent, there will be two sent where
there i3 one sent now.
IIo who does his best, however lit
tle, is always to be distinguished from
one who does nothing.
To keep cool in the country in
warm weather-slate your roof, tlungle
your hair and board voui.-elf.
ICAN
Marriage, or Murder.
A terrible and fatal shooting affair
occurred yesterday afternoon in Wheat
land, resulting in the death of a most
estimable lady of that town, known as
tho Widow Dcnnison. FuU particu
lars of the affair wo were unable to
learn, but give such as oould be gath
ered un to a late hour last evening.
It appears that a yotlng man named
Wilbur F. Dougherty has for nearly
two years past been paying his atten
tions to Mrs. Denntson, and it is re
ported that not only were they greatly
attached to each other, but wero also
engaged to tie married. fome little
time ago, for some cause unknown.they
quarrelled and parted. Afterward the
matter was amicably settled, but, at
the instance of Mrs. Dennison, the
marriage was postponed from time to
time. Yesterday afternoon Dougher
ty called on her and demanded that
she should marry liim on the coming
Saturday. 1 his "was heard by parties
in an adiotntng room-; the next thing
heard was the report of a pistol follow
ed by an agonizing scream from the
woman. Ihey rushed to the room ana
found Dougherty standing over the
body, having a single barrel in his
hand. Mrs. Dcnnison was lying upon
the floor, and already dead. Upon ex
amination it was found that the ball
had passed entirely through her heart,
and death must have been almost m-
stantancons. Dougherty was soon after
arrested by Justice Jennings, of
Wheatland, and placed on board the
up train, which had just arrived, and
brought to this city. lie was safely
lodged in the county jail, where a
charge of murder was preferred against
him. J he utmost excitement prevail
ed in Wheatland at the time the train
left, it being regarded as a most delib
erato aud brutal murder by the resi
dents. They believe that ho went to
the house with the intention ot com
milting murder. It was proposed to
lynch him, but he was brought away
before any opportunity to do so was
ottered.
Dougherty say the shooting was en
tirely accidental ; that she having re
fused to marry him ns he proposed, ho
drew tho pistol with the intention of
intimidating her, and was about to re
turn it to his pocket, when it was acci
dently discharged, with the above re
suit.
An inquest was held on the body
lust evening, but owing to the late hour
at which he rturncd to tho city, we are
unable to publish tho evideuco taken
before it. Tho verdict of tho jury was
in accordance with tacts already given
that "the deceased came to her death
from a wound received from a pistol
iu the hands of Wilbur F. Dougherty."
Mr. Hamilton informs us that he
visited Dougherty at tho county jail
betoro leaving lor heatlund, am
that the latter then told him the shoot
ing was accidental. He admitted that
the whole trouble between them atoso
from jealousy on his part : that he had
seen to rings on her engagement finger,
and ho believed that some one had sup
planted him in her otlectious. Mary
vide (C(.,; Appeal.
Walking Locomotive.
A locomotive iron horse has been ad
tied to the cataloguo of curious inven
tious, by Auburn mechanics, by Dr,
Patrick Brecn. Mr. lSrccn is a native
of Tralee, county of Kerry, Ireland
lie was brought up 111 the 11 pot hoc
shop of tho celebrated Dr. John O'Con
nell, uncle to the lute Daniel O'Con
ncll. IIo camo to this country in 1850
and to Auburn in 1901. 1 hough gen
erally employed upon tho New York
Central railroad and 111 our local ma
chine shops, he has perhaps been bet
ter known, as a finer ol blindness.
110 has the credit ot several inven
tiotis of merit. For ncrly a year pas
ho has employed his leisure hours in
study out some plan to make a self-
supplying chemiotil power, to take the
place of steam, and to make it move a
piece of machinery bavins the motion
ot a horse, lie claims to havo brough
this also to a degree of perfection
which indicatts success. That ho has
discovered a motive power in certain
alkalies and acids, which has never
btcti brought into practical use, there
is no doubt. Whether ho can make it
work his machine horse over soft and
uneven ground, seems to bo the only
point to be tested. Ho appears to be
very confident himself that it will do
so. Upon that express no opinion now
We give his description of the machine
as he has furnished it to us for public
iiiformaution not to lidverlise is, but
as a matter of news.
The machine does not go on wheels.
like an engine, but walks like a horse
on four legs, which riso eight euches
and muko a forward move ol 18 at eve
ry revolution of a centre shaft which
works them. 1 lie shatt is 10 leet long,
the leiiirth of the imichinc. I lie lc''
arc live feet apart, which enables tho
machine to preserve its balance, uii tin
even ground. It is so constructed that
it will go up and dowu a heavy grade
w ith the greatest ease, ami is culctilat
ed to walk and draw on toft uud tilled
laud with more eavo than a team
horses. It turns round in its ow
lenrth to any point needed. As I
speed, it will go at any rate from thrco
it"--LINCOLN.
S2 PER ANNUM.
to fifteen miles per hour. The concern
can be reversed. It can be employed
for all the purposes that a team of
bourses are useful, such as plowing,
reaping, or drawing wagons, street
cars, and canal boats. Auburn X.
V.) Xcu .
Earnest Words.
This communication appears in the
Nonpareil, of Councii Blull's, Iowa :
1 ho religious press throughout the
country is pleading with renewed vigor
and persistence against the evils of in
temperance. Many ot the secular pa-
pers arc doing me same uinig. ltie
evils attendant upon drinking have be
come so universal, and withal so enor
mous, that all thoughtful men are
alarmed. Tho curse reaches so high,
deucends so low, and cluches its victims
so indiscriminately on every hand, that
for very selt-defenco it stands every
man in baud to oppose it "Willi all his
might.
An official ot the Ucnoral Oovern-
meut two or three years ago showed
by the strong logic 01 actual statistics
that the people of tlie United btatc-
expended in "tho uselss luxury of
strong nrink nearly fifteen hundred
millions ot dollars a year. This would
bo about 8-13 to every man, women and
child of the population at that time
Chicago is wasting iu this way $54 a
year for each individual. Other cities
including Vyuuuuii ijuair,uiciujiui)iii
.1: f :i m..ic. r . 1 1 :
ing the downward road as fast as pos
sible.
Shall we do it longer. litis not the
time come for every good citizen as
well as christian, loudly to protest
against this useless, this universal and
this most remorseless, sin of tho times
tn which we live ? At the beginning
of this new year, shall not a chance
be inaugurated ? With malice toward
none, nnd with charity foi all, 1 (im
plore the good people of this city to
oppose further rnvuges of this foe to
God and man. "Who will ?
T. F. Thick stux.
"Profundissmus" is getting up a
new catechism for the benefit of the
rfcing generation, from which we givo
the following extracts:
Whom did Adam marry, and wheu
did he marry her? One Ere.
What was her bridal dress 7 Jsarely
nothing.
Not even a ribbon ? No, she had
no need of one, for she was rib-lone
herself.
When Adam nnd Evo were in (he
gardening business at what time did
they commence picking apples: in
the Full.
What was the first step they took in
the sugar business ? liaising (Wti.
Why did not Cain make good sugar?
Because he wasn't Abel.
spirit, as well as sugar, comes from
cane; what evil resulted from this
Cain's spirit ? A bel got elcued.
What reason havo wo to suppose
that Cain nlsj got slewed? Ho went
immediately to the land of AW.
Who was the wisest man ? Jinower.
What did bo know? Ho kuew
enough to keep out of the rain.
Who was tho greatest traveler nnd
explorer? Jonah he went into
w(ii)ales and went down in a diving
bell(y).
Miscellaneous Items.
Open to conviction A burglar.
A lost art Family government.
A green grocer One who trusts.
A pair of tights Two drunkards.
Financial barbarism-Shaving notes.
Birch rods make the best baby-jump
ers.
How to make a firo hut Kecu it
coaled.
Coin from the mint of nature Pen
ny royal.
A clean shirt iu Denver renders a
man liable to be stoned.
Love is the most intelligible when it
is unable to express itself 111 words.
Why is tho figttro nine like a pea
cock ? Because its nothing withoutjts
tail.
Tho Erie Republican is responsible
lor the following :
llie litu.svilie louner chronicles a
case of a voting lady of that highly
moral city being found ('111:1k oil the
streets, and on the editor helping her
out of tho gutter when she had fallen,
she exclaimed with great vehemcaiiee,
that she had disgraced herself but
wether she meant by being drunk or
by being helped toun upright position
him she did not say. As there is a
good deal to be said on both sides, we
shan't attempt to decide it.
"Isii Dat Am.?" Two dutch fann
ers at Kinderhook, whoso farms were
adjacent, were out in their respective
fields, when one heard 11 11 initially luinl
hallowing in the direction of a gap iu
a high sioiio wall and ran with, all his
f peed tu the place, und tho following
brief conversation ensued: "Slioti, vut
ish te matter?" "Yel den," says Short,
"I van trying to climb on to top of
dish him stout) wall and 1 fell oil', uud
the stone wall tumble down onto me,
ond has broken one initio legs oil" and
both of mine arms, smashed my rib in,
nnd beeso pig stones aro lay on do top
of mine body." "Ish dut all?" says
the other "vy, you hollow so loud 1 tot
you got dc toosache."
Oito Sipmrr (1 itfli,) one Insertion ft ! ,
OneSipmrn " one month A "
One S iiaro " three months. ..f t t 'l
One Siiaro " one year '"J"'
ri-n St, 1 uiins. one vcar 1
Quarter Cnl.
Half -
One " " WW
r.uslnesB Cards, not exceeding ono hrju
In length, f 10 per year.
I.cral notices at established rn'.ei.
Tlvcse rates nre low, und no deviation
ivill be midn, or discrimination among
patrons. 'J'lie rates oili rcd are such, v
will make it to the advantage of men dot
business in the limits of tho circulation of
tlie paper to advertise liberally.
A9 to Lew Dresses.
Most fashions owe their origin to r n
attempt to give prominence to the
strong point or hide the weak point of
a king or quern. 1 bus powder came 111
vogue to conceal a queen s gray, nmi
large perukes because a king was ta'd.
We learn, however, from a Belgian
paper, that the cuslotn ot ladies exhibit
ing their busts in all the beauty if na
ture has alar more romantic origin. 111
a battle in which the French were
engaged (all dates we may mention,. .
are reserved; their ranks were oroaen,
and they were routed. Vv hen they re
treated their women Daren vneic
breasts and entreated them to
pierce them rather than permit them to
hill into the hands of the enemy. This
was too much for the gallant Gauls.
Nerved w ith fresh courage they turned,
renewed tlie combat, and were victo
rious. From that hour French women
havo on festal occasions always been
accustomed to wear their dresses low.
In fact, vhen you sec one who appears
to havo forgotten the upper part of her
dress, it is no proof of indelicacy, but
simply an indication of national scnti
mctit. Tliis satisfactorily explains what
many ignoiunt people havo taken for
impropriety. AVc live nnd learn.
IM -
A Cincinnati girl fued a shoemaker be
cause she couldn't get inside of a pair of
shoes he made for her. He set up a
plea that leather was scarce.and charg
ed that Bhe could have got them on easy
enough if she had washed her feet. We
doa't usually publish "tocicty items" in
this column, but this is a subject that
will interest all classes.
Philadelphia claims to have tho
largest locomotive factory in tho world,
employing 1,000 men, turning out one .
1 H'omotive a day valued at $15,000,
the largest book publishing house iu tho
world, the Iargctt pn per hanging manu
factory in the world, and probably tho
largest iron foundry, with any number
ol amateur industries thrown in.
M will forfeit my head if you are
r.ot wrong,' exclaimed A vehement
United States Senator to President
Lincoln in nn argument. 'I accept,'
replied ihe President; 'any trifle among
friends has a value.'
There is a young and handsome
woman in California who is an engi
neer, and runs a statiionary engine to
supply the watertank of the place whe.e
she lives. i-o can bring down a flying
antelope with her needle gun equally
well.
"Uncle" said a young man, who
thought hi.sgnardian supplied him rath
ersparingly with pocket money, "is the
Queen's head still on the sovereign?"
"Of course it is, you stupid fellow. Why
doyouufk." lkcatite it is so long since
I saw oue.
A watch maker has a watch to re
pair which, according to its owner's
statement frequently stops whilst it is
going, and sometimes loses mi hour iu
twenty minutes.
A man who read that dry copperas
put in a bed of ants would cnuse them
to leave, put some in bus mother-in-law's
bed to sec if tho wouldn't go. Ho
said she was there at last accounts.
Anna Dickinson's wardrobe must
be getting low. A report of her last
lecture says, "she appeared before her
auditors attired in a modest but rich
necklace."
Over five mil lion packs of playing
cards nre made in tli is country annually.
Massachusetts is the principal buyer of
highpriccd curds.
Muggins, what era in the world'
history do you regard with the deepest
horror?" ThorW-era!" gasped Muggins
with a spasmodic shudder
A Missouri chap borrowed five'
dollars of his intended bride to procure
a license for marriage, and then used
tho license to marry another girl.
A sweet girl isa sortof divinity bi
whom even the scriptures do net forbid
us to render "lip-service."
In Sheffield, England, it proposed
to severely ptinich nil pawnbroker who
take pledges fioui thildreu.
A man, boasting of his temperate
habits, said he never saw a glass ol'w iue
without his mouth watering.
The difference between a baby and
a coat is this; The coat is what you
wear, and tho buby is what you were.
An elderly Indiana poir, aged
respectively 78 aud 75, wautadivorto
on account of accumulated incompati
bility. Tho greatest friend of truth is time;
her greatest enemy prejudice, aud her
constant companion is hoiiniity.
A punster asks whether, if Titian'
wife had been named Polly, that fact
would have made her a politciau.
Many ways of happiness have deeti
discovered, but all agree there is notieso
pleasant as loving uud being loved.
The reason there are so many mut
ton heads existing is because Jsuch a
uumber of children art "perfect lambs."
A Chicago paper savsJohu'Boyle's
attempt to shoot his wife, in La -ulIe
111. on Weduesday, Hits a miserable
failure.