t Somerset Herald
Piililifnf.ion
hins ui "
I rrrry WedncMlsy corning ml
'nn-jm "!" ' "
J ,.,R..-!U-!'
I ' ' l discontinued until
J .re phI'1 P- Postmaster, ne-
i CfV US When wk:"v uw
-.ill he held responsible
t their pa I-"
? nben rr:llo ig from one postofflce to
I..boulJven.M -
L ;1 M (lie pr olHc- A'1Jr"
' . . Dralin
SuMUtllKT, Pi
' iFvSitY notary ri-Bua
Pa.
f .- ..?.i h A Ruppct
i-"1""'
r n E. MEVKIIS,
1 u loliS fc -AT-LAW ,
- i.svtfi -Somerset, Penn'f
- i-uiiJ'-i'S-2'1 fir-
r , rtitru-u-d to bin care will be
at-
- - a - r-i-
h A WALKER,
aitvkm:vs-at-iw.
ud NOTARY 1'I BUC,
Somerset, Fa.
. . - II. .11.
,. piiMtcLOU..
Am'"-"-1;" . ,
'XEV-AT-LAW,
Somerset Pa.
rf; a-kV M. BERKLEY,
7 Alloi;.NtV-Al-LAW,
iromt.-rM.-t, Pa.
.. . . ... i
!.. 11. 1 i:t
' f u umIv-at-uw,
' -somerset, Pa.
i ;:(;E ii- si I'LL,
a ' . - -
.somerset. Pa.
;. V. 'IKSEt'KER,
Somerset. Pa.
I Fraa.' House Row, opposite Court
AllX'KX EY-AT-LA W,
toiucrct, Pa.
ATH-.UXEY-AT-LAW,
-Somerset, Pa.
J. U. LHitE.
iA"TZ & CHiLE,
. . , ....Vv.ir.t itr
All uu. 1- - ,
Somerset, Fa.
t :pnmu t attention to business eu
, ii. ir i-jiv in soiiiersct and adjoining
iu I'rint iluUK ttow, opposite
t. lii Hi--
-jIentise hay,
A 1 1 ll-.l "l-l ,
Noiiieret, Ia.
drT u Kua! tat. Will att-nd to
.tiiiruru-d U uinn ith rulupl-
. Willi v.
4
- is 11. i" 1 iii
I hxmu-nH't, Pa.
V n.tn :'.v atUnd to all bumiMsw eu
v ; .1 tiini." Mwim-- dvu:el oil colleo-
VBux 111 MulllluolU OKU It.
: 0. KIM MEL,
A 1 i Oli. L -A 1 -l-A ,
SkMiwniet, Pa.
:eui toBll Imsim ?utruu-d to bi
. ........f u.l 11 iltllllir (k!llttlH- Willi
-.11 J naviity. iuIkvoii Main Croa
i rr;ii,
ATi'iKX fc.Y-AT-l.AW,
fcionw-rxt-t, I"a.
1 Mutuuioth Bl'k, up muini. En
1 V.1111 1 rii Hiwt. t .li-Uoii
w UI.tI. lilli i aliiili-d, uud all
n- aiuuard to Willi iiruiiipuit
1.11. iilX. U C CULBOKX.
UJlLN 4 (X)LHOllX,
A1H tUN E Y&-AT-LA W,
Soiucrxt, Pa.
;r.n i1nit-d to our rare will be
.. ai.u Ltiiiilully aKiitli-d to. Collt'C-
1. 111 iiiiirf'L, i-ulira aud adjoiu-
. at'lllK uud couvc-ynucliig
aiMrllaUlt Icrillh.
. BAKU,
AllUllt)-AI -A-A W ,
-joii.f iu SoiiM'rwt mid adjoining
An l.uin -itru.u-u to liuu will
-H:;l MlU'litloU.
t i ll. T11. W. U. KITPEL.
(liolU i IU I'1'EL,
A I I UH.N E Y !-A 1-l-A W,
!oiiM-n-t, Ta.
-.ntwHiirurtt-d to tin ir care will be
f ii.J i'U!i. iu.illy Ktu uded to. Uiliit
g iim-i oioMl MauiiuoUl
I
j. CAKOTlIKIfcS M. D-,
i 1,UK1A. asiiM lloEOX,
fSoiuinitt, 1'a,
u r:r...t strwt. near K. IL fetation.
I'. F. SIIAFFEII,
I UYMCIAX ami SURGEON.
iSoiuerwt, 1'a.
hii tirnfiKliktLul b-rvit to the
t.iiKiMi and it-mity. Ottiw next
f" uiuuit-n-ul ImU-L
J. M. I.OriHEIt,
1HYM. I AX AM.il RGEOX,
1. llaiu :nx t, rir ol lirug ktore.
H. S. K I MM ELL,
" r'f-ionul wr-U to the citi
ourrsrt amj VK-iimy. Liiln proven.-
,f 1 t... .. . 1 ... 1.
U 1-..KI ,,l ll.i.,..ll.l
! f Mi MILLKX,
iiinniuau-in iit uuMry.)
.fu.-il Amtlrlal et llli- rl.-d.
m L. H. Ii-avi, to More,
ii Cr.iM. ud 1'alru.l ktrveta.
P- wfi:otii,
Funeral Director.
Mniii Crj st, IUiacnoe,
Patriot SL
h! Estate and Collecting
3 K IWhr
Agency.
filing to t.uy or a.11 Uniinor town
ii. n t ciimiy or riM-wlx-re. are
at our..mv 111 KiD'pinT l.lork.
i ii': .ii mili Im-given toail 11u.1l in.
V'lMnn; ,n.-m and lotxtioti f pri-
... iwoeein xtaiup to pre-
E11Ei: A HEAtHY.
Kueppcr Min k.
rHuuerM-t, Pa.
ils! Oils!
o
mi".?00-' -ltlbug fprt-
nating & Lubricating Oils
PbtUa & Gasoline,
1 from Prti.YiM,m -x
? ..a. tt viur
"""-" itL even-known
pduct of Petroleum
f1" nt uniformly
tisfaetory Oils
-IN THE
Fierican arket,
1 0Urv Trade for Romemet and vicini-
J nupplied by
ty-K BEERITS and
HEAsE A KOUtER,
Bonwraet, Pa.
1 lie
VOL. XLIV. KO.
-THE-
First National Banlc
Somerset, Penn'a.
Capital, S50.000.
Surplus, S20.000.
DEPOSITS RECEIVED IN LaMOE AMOSMALL
ACCOUNTS OF MERCHANTS, FARMERS.
STOCK DEALERS, AND OTHERS SOLICITED
DISCOUNTS DAILY.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
LaRUE M. HICKS, GEO. It. K.TLL,
JAMES L. Pl tilL, W. H. MILLER,
JOHN" R. SCXJTT, ROBT. H. bCULI
FREU W. BIESECKEK.
EDWARD .SCULL, : : PRESIDENT.
ALEXTINE HAY', : VICE PRESIDENT.
HARVEY M. BERKLEY. . CASHIER.
The funds and necuriti of this bank are se
curely protected In a celebrated Coklihs BCR
glab Pkoof Sake. The 0'1'i' "-- made abso
lutely burglar-proof.
He taBt Cocntv National
BAN K
OF SOMERSET PA.
tttablUM, 1877. Orgiil' Rttlentt. 1890
CAPITAL,
$50,000
SURPLUS AND UN-
DIVIDED PROFITS 5lt,UUU.
O:
Chas. I. Harrison. Pres't.
Wm. H. Koontz, Vice Prest.
Milton J. Pritts, Cashier.
Directors:
SAMUEL SXY'DEI, WM. ENDS LEY,
JOSIAH SPECHT. JONAS M. tXM.K,
JuHX H. SXYIiER, JOHN STl'FKT,
JOSEPH B. DAVIS. NOAH S. MILLER,
HARRISON SNYDER, JEROME STL'FKT,
SAM. B. HARRISON'.
Cuntomern of this lwnk will nTt-ivethrmoRt
ml treHtnietit niniKteiit with sitU' banking.
I"arti- wibliine to wild money raw or wi
can le nccumiiioditteU by dnilt for auy
mount.
Monev and valuables wen red by one or lie
bold'v cek-bratt-d safit-, with ut improved
time ba-k.
Collections made in all purtD or the L nltea
States. Cliar)i inialerate.
Accounts and uepovii aollciteo.
Wild & Anderson,
Iron & Brass Founders,
Engineers and Machinists and En sin
Builders.
-Manufai-turers of-
COAL CAR WHEELS and AXLES.
New ami tietunil-linnJ Machinery,
SJiaftiiiK, HangiTs and Pulleys,
lnje-tors, Liiliricators, tlil
Cuuk, Klc
.- .
ERECTING OF MACHINERY SPECIALTY
Strictly F:rt-CU Work Guaranteed.
Shop on Hroail St., lit ar O. DojMit
Johnstown, -
Pa.
T5E ART AMATEUR.
Bet and Largest Practical Art
Magazine.
(The only Art Priodical awarded a Medal at the
v. uriu rairj
Inrxjuatif to off u ho truJi In mil ih- ir VriM nri
or ! male tin ir tunm't fc aa.a
lOrt lUC. we aillsend toanyone a fC
nieutioiiii ttiia puUiCAli.Hi a apeci SI I 1
uen eoor with u:rii eo'or pia-ei" II I
(lor enpviugo- Iraming and K ni(..:e X J
menury pages of deaigua (regular .licc
Sm). Or
rnn r) r we will tend alo "Paintina
rUn ZOCt forBejinneM-laui!
MONTAGUE MARKS, 23 Union Square,
New York.
ARTISTIC JOB PRINTING
A SPECIALTY.
IIAIIUY 31. BEXSUOFF,
MAHUFACTURIHQ STATIOMER
-AND
BLANK BOOK MAKES
HAXNAM BLOOT,
Johnstown,
Pa.
12.
That
Tired Feeling
So common at this season, is a serious
condition, liable to lead to disastrous
results. It is a sure tlzn of declining
health tone, and that the hlooj is im
poverished and impure. The best and
most successful remedy is found in
HOOD'S
Sarsaparilla
Which makes rich, healthy blood, and
urns gives strenfrili to the nerves, elas
ticity to the muscles, vigor to the bmln
and health to the whole body, la
irum, iioou a rrsapariua
Makes the
Weak Strong
Be sure to get Hood's and only Nood'i
Hood's Pills are purely vegetable, j--fectlv
harmless, always reliable and bcnefii'i
Campbell &
"The
People's Store."
Smith.
Stock Taking
Over. . .
Our Surplus Stock is much
larger than wc expected.
We find many lots of goods
that mu?t W. sold during
August, before t!ic arrival
of our Fall Importations,
September 1st.
Price . , . . .
will be no object we will
not carry tlicsc goods into
another season, so look out
for extraordinary values
during August ia
Domestics,
Linen Goods.
Wash Goods,
SUks,
Dress Goods,
Ladies' Waists.
Ladies' Wraps,
Millinery,
Ladies' and Gents
Underwear,
Carpets,
Curtains,
Upholstery Goods,
Furniture,
Housefurnishing Goods,
China Ware, &c. .
Watch the Pittsburg Daily Papers
for Particulars.
Campbell
& Smith,
Fifth Avenue,
PITTSBURGH, PA.
Jacob D. Swank,
Watchmaker and Jeweler,
Next Door West of Lutheran Church,
Somerset, - Pa.
I Am Now
prepared to supply the public
with Clocks, Watches, and Jew
elry of all descriptions, as Cheap
a the Cheajient.
REPAIRING A
SPECIALTY.
All work guaranteed. Look at my
stock before making your
purchases.
J. D. SWANK.
A. H. HUSTON,
Undertaker and Embalmer.
A GOOD HEARSE,
nd everything pertainiac to funerals turn
Uhrd. SOMERSET - - Pa
omer
SOMERSET, PA.,
CASABICEANKIA.
The xirl sat on the baseball stand
All but her beau had AmI,
And he, poor chap, could not demand
Relief front what she sittd;
"Why dot the pitcher throw it so?"
She murmured in dismay,
"Such actions violent, you know,
His awk ward moves display.
Why docs he so expectorate
Upon the snow-white ball?
Was he not taught until too late
That that's not nicest all
Why does that fellow don a cairo
And let his voice resound
In cries of "Striker awak'ning rage
In thoe upon the ground
Why do the runners always full
And slide upon their fact
or else they do not care at all
Upon some other place?
Why do the people murmur 'Rank?
He lias no rank, 'lit plain;
Why dw tlmt player, linn and lank,
Seem in such awful pain?
AVhy docs the catcher wear that pad
Close to hi bosom pressed?
And why has not the other lutd
His clothes cut like the rest?
Why dis that player s-ing the wood
In such a reckless way
And question, as no man should,
Wlia t those behind him suy?
Why do the men such colors wear-
But there she turned her head.
And then at last, became aware
Her escort had dropped d.-ad.
.Vronul'ii Stair Journal.
REMIXISCEXCES.
Odd Characters.
When the Kterunl City that sat upon
the Seven Hills was in the zenith of
her glory all roads led to Itome, the
renter then, ofjall civilization, of all
science anil pomp and power. So too,
when the old pike was in its glory, it led
to IVtemburg from all the surrounding
country, to which place pilgrims and
Grangers, wayfarers and travelers,
turned their faces and footsteps in
search of business, pleasure or recrea
tion, as the Mohammedan turns his
face towards Mecca. Turkeyfoot, to
which all the County must pay tribute,
because of its priority of settlement, for
it was there the first settlement in the
County was made, furnished many
juaiiit characters, whose memory will
always remain green in Addison. Ma
jor Hanna, because of his wonderful
strength, as well as other eccentricities
of character, has been mentioned more
frequently, perhas, than any other
person, in the various centennial pa-
icrs, during the last several months.
Taken, all in all, he was, prolmbly, as
curious a character as any the County
ever produced. He had more original
ity of action and conversation, con
nected with great wit and intelligence,
than most men ; but other odd charact
ers whose homes were iu Turkeyfoot,
and who were well known to the older
itizens, were frequent visitors to Ad
dison. Among the old settlers of Tur
keyfoot, Unities those who came there
as early as 17r, and whose names have
lttt'ii mentioned in various paers,
were the Colborns, Tannehills, Drakes,
Kushes and many others, who were all
well known here. Notwithstanding
that part of the County was settled so
much earlier than this, their only
method of communication with the
outside world seems to have been by
pack-horse trail, as tiefore mentioned,
or at least by a very ior excuse for a
road, for quite a iiuihIrt of years; and
it was not until ISraddock's,or tiie Old
Hoad was completed, that they had
any other method, lty the Old Iload
is meant a wagon road which followed,
very nearly, Ilraddock's route, and was
iu use when the pike was made. In
Hiking lack over the jwist, the writer j
R-meiiilicrs a great many of the old set
tlers whom he knew, and whom he
used to see, Uvide others, of whom he
has heard, who came regularly to
'etersburg.
There were men among them who,
under other circumstances, would have
l-en cavaliers, crusaders, Cromwel-
lians. martyrs anything that would
have required patience, courage and
sacrifice. Sylvester Colliorn, of Eng
lish descent, as honest a man as ever
lived, would have followed the Black
'rince into the jaws of death, or have
ridden rough-shod over disaster and de
feat on blood-stained battle-fields. His
son, than whom a better or braver man
never lived, Sylvester Colliorn Jr., laid
his life on the altar of his country, a
icarious sacrifice, when all there was
iu life seemed brightest and most glo
rious to him.
The old Jennings, of whom mention
has frequently Iwen miL', was of the
material of which martyrs are made,
and, had he lived iu the days of the
Inquisition, would have suffered mar
tyrdom for principle. The A brains,
the Sjieiicers and all those sturdy
Anglo-Saxons, were men of whom
any country or community might
lie proud; the kind of men who
made this country great with its free
dom and its enlightenment, its science
and its arts, its glory and its renown.
They reclaimed the land, ami planted
that most glorious and prolific of all
seeds: the seed of human liberty and
equality.
Sylvester Colborn was a very queer
character ; a man of great intelligence,
native talent and wit. He had the
u a fort u ua te hubi t of occasionally "1k ik
ing upon the w ine wheu it was red ;"
but for the matter of that, the color
made very little difference to him. On
one occasion Uen. I loss was canvassing
the County, and happened to meet Mr.
ColUtrn in Somerset. They were great
friends, and Colborn intended to vote
for the Ocneral, who was in conversa
tion with another party. Colborn list
ened awhile, when he said, tutito voce,
"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often
would I have gathered you together,
but you would not; a pretty pair they
are; one a horse-faced Methodist, the
other pretty d d comfortable." His
humor seemed to arise spontaneously,
without any previous thought, when
ever occasion required. He was a frieud
of everybody, and everybody was his
friend. Another character lived in
Turkeyfoot, who, in his way exceeded
anything, or anybody the writer has
ever kuown. His name was, say Jones,
for that was not his name; John was
his front name; the big eater, as the
man was usually called, and his great
"forte" was in his ability to cat more
victuals than any man whoever was in
this country. He was only a medium
sized man, somewhat stooped, raw
boned, thin of visage, and spare in
flesh. Where that man stowed the
set
ESTABLISHED 1827.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 1895.
vituals he could eat at any given sit
ting, has always been a mystery to the
writer. He lived somewhere north
from where Ursiua now is, and was in
the habit of paying rather frequent
periodical visits to acquaintances in the
neigh borhood of Petersburg. He would
start from his home in the morning,
wending his way slowly, so as to reach
Itasil Hi r. Is' s alsmt eleven o'clock, at
which time they had dinner, and
whose table is noted for its plentiful
supply of good, well-cooked provender,
and where he would lay in a by no
means small supply, and from there
he would go down the hill, a half
mile, to ('apt. Olisan's, whose dinner
was somewhat later than ISird's,
where he would dine the second time,
and, after bidding the family an affec
tionate adieu, he would proceed up the
hill a half mile to Lot Watson's
whose dinner hour was later than Capt.
(lisan's. The third dinner was des
patched here, when the old man inva
riably headed for the home of the
writer's parents, whose dinner always
came later than any of the rest, some
where near 1 o'clock. Then the fourth
repast would be partaken of ; and, ap
parently, if there had been any more
farm-houses at which he could have
successively dined, Jones could have
Isjcii ready. He evidently, Alexander-
like sighed, not for more worlds to con-
quor, but for more dinners to cat. The
writer reniemU'rs a circumstance that
happened in his boyhood days at the
Jersey Church," in which Jones was
the principal actor. Capt. Sanner, of
Somerset, and J. H. Hoblitzell, of
Meyersdale will doubless reniemlier the
occasion referred to. It was on Sept.
10th, !?, longU'fore theltailroad was
completed, or Ursina and Confluence
were in existence when a I'niou Pic
nic was held at "Jersey." Everybody
and his girl were there. The Brass
Band from Petersburg was on hand,
and the managers were Ir. lingers, J.
11. Hoblitzell and Ii. F. Fear, all of
whom lived in Harnedsville. Of course,
Jones was there, as he was never
known to miss an opportunity to fill his
stomach. He evidently thought, as a
friend of the writer's used to say :
Belly better hurst than waste good
victuals ;" and he never wasted good
victuals, or victuals not so good, as far
as is known at this writing.
On occasions of this kind, you must
always say the table "groaned" with
good things, just as you say, in de
scribing hail-stones, that they were as
"large as hen's eggs;" anyhow, on this
occasion there was plenty to eat, and
there were, or would have been frag
ments enough to fill a good many bask
ets. The managers determined that
for once Jones should have enough to
eat, so they set him down, or rather
stood him, by the table, the first one,
and licgan to fill him up. They piled
everything promiscuously around him;
ham, beef, chickens, turkeys, bread and
butter, pies, cakes, and everything ever
seen or thought of; but Jones was equal
to the task. He literally ate his way
through it all ; and when the first table
was done, and the second came on, he
took a fresh hold, and seemed as good
as -new. His wants were again siqi
plied as before, and as those who oc
cupied the second table, went away
satisfied, he still ate. The third table
stood up, and Jones' rapacious stomach
was, as yet, unsatisfied, for he was
eating as though he had only com
menced. Finally, when everybody
had eaten, and was satisfied, he began
to grow weary, or, at leat seemed to
le unable to eat any more ; and the
last the writer ever saw of him was
when he wended his way wearily up
the hill towards his home, laden with
remnants of the feast for the next day.
Everyliody in Somerset County near
ly, must have kuown Samuel Beacliy.
1 le was a frequent visitor to Petersburg,
and he always kept fat horses and good
ones, particularly an extra fine grey
mare he used to ride. He was always
warning tieople with whom he was
talking "to keep dark," and propound
ing the question whether everything
was mitixarit ikIkih. Once he was in
Peterslsirg, and some time after dark
he started to go home, riding the grey
mare; becoming bewildered, he, instead
of taking the Turkeyfoot road, went
down the pike, and turned to the left,
and rode through a half dozen farms,
and came out on the pike again, after
daylight next morning. He Mid after
wards that he had no idea where he
was going, but, when he came to a
fence, if the mare could not jump it, or
find a low place, he laid it down care
fully, and as carefully put it up again.
All tjese men, notwithstanding their
eccentricities, were good lawabiding cit
izens, and were members of the great
mass going to make up the citizen
ship of this great country.
In our own township we had our
share of characters, some of whom have
been mentioned in these pajiers.
'Squire Iloddy was as well known in
Somerset, indeed, better in some re
sitects, than at home. He was a man
of unimpeachable integrity, and had
friends wherever went. If the weath
er was very dry, and the 'Squire cut
his grass, everyone said rain was sure
to follow ; and if he made a trip to
Somerset, it mattered not how brightly
the sun shone, jicople began to huul
their rubber coats aud umbrellas. On
one occasion, when there was a pro
longed drought, and the 'Squire did
not come to Somerset, some one
brought suit against him, and scut for
him. The 'Squire, wondering what
malfeasance he was guilty of, dropped
everything and went to Somerset and
was told of his dereliction and the
drought; and, behold, "they say" it
rained in torrents that very night ; and
the '.Squire's reputation was safe.
Addison, Pa. M.
Tou Can't Get Rich
by gaining the V)U reward offered by
Dr. R. V. Pierce to any person finding
a mineral poison or injurious drug in
his "Pleasant Pellets" for there's no
such thing in them. But you can get
well and health is the first step to
wards fortune by taking the "Pellets"
whenever troubled with biliousness,
constipation, indigestion, jaundice and
other derangements of the liver,
stomach and bowels.
Small and steady gains bring the
kind of riches that do not take wings
and fly away.
Kept in a Steel Safe.
Th Constitution of the United
States the original pen-written Con
stitution, be it remembered has l?en
dragged from its place of concealment
in the State Department to las photo
graphed. It has been decided to send
a faosimile of it to the Atlanta Extio-
sition. Of course, the Atlanta people
would rather have had theoriginal, but
this could oot be entertained.
The Constitution is kept in a steel
safe in the library of the State Depart
meut. The safe, quite a pretty affair,
in gray and gold, is massive and
strong. A combination lock protects
its priceless contents, and thecombiua
tion is carefully kept by one or two
officials. Recently, however, the steel
doors were swung ojien in order to al
low a reporter to look upon the sacred
pages. No document in the world has
been so fraught with destiny as this
very same Constitution. It is to-day
the foundation of the government. To
see it as it came from the ieii of t lie en
grosser on the 17th day of September,
17H7, is a sight worth traveling a thou
sand miles to witness.
As is well known, there are in the
State Department two copies of the
iKs-laratioii of Independence one the
otlicial and engrossed document, and
the other the original draft in the
hand-writing of Thomas Jefferson,
with all the erasures and alterations
that were made Itefore the language
was finallv airrecd noon. In the case
-
of the constitution there is only one
copy the final engrossment with the
signatures duly attached. As thus pre
served, it consists of four large sheets
of parchment, each twenty-two by twen
ty-eight inches, with the words written
out in the old fashioned chirography
of a century ago, and the curious cai-
italization of letters then iu vogue.
The first three words "We, the eople,"
are engrossed in very large letters, so
that they stand out in Isild relief. On
the last iage the signatures of the dep
uties from the various States, ls-gin-
ning with the familiar autograph of
(Jeorge Washington, who signed him
self as "President and Deputy from
Virginia" Many of the names are
closely associated with the early histo
ry of the republic Alexander Hamil
ton, Rufus King, (Jouvcmeur Morris,
15. Franklin, Daniel Carrel and Roger
Sherman licing among the nuiiiU-r.
What a Working-man Wants.
An industrious carpenter, cquipied
with plane, adze, and saw, was fixing
up a door that had got out of gear in
the house of a lawyer, who sat watch
ing him at work.
"Tell me just what it is," said the
lawyer to the ear-ientcr, who had taken
up his adze, "that the discontented
workingmen want"
'I speak only for my own trade when
I say that every man iu it wants to get
out of it."
"What next?"
"To start up something for himself."
"You mean to lie a laiss'."'
VI mean to do some kind of business
on his own account in which he can
make more."
Well," said the lawyer, "that is
right; but I would like to know what
is the main thing wanted by the men
of your trade so long as they can't get
out of it?"
'Better wages," replied the carpen
ter.
"Am I to lielieve that the discon
tented working people alsiut whom we
hear so much merely want more pay?"
'That is about the thing for every
trade, so far as I know," replied the
arpcutcr; "but I think that, more than
anything else, the men in most trades
want to get out of them and look for
some other chance. I can sjieak for the
carjienters, anyhow, because I am the
Secretary for a Branch of the Brother
hood, and have talked all my life with
men at our meetings."
'Aren't the wages good?"
Oh, pretty fair; but I wish I could
get out of the trade, and so does my
wife, as well as my oldest daughter.
One of the men in this trade got out of
it, and he is now a Judge on the Bench
in New York. Of course, that's bvtter
than working at this trade all my life.
I would like to run a store of my own,
or to le a contractor, or to have a pota
to patch in the country, or to.ln; a trav
eling agent, or anything else by which
I could leave the carpenter's trade. And
I believe that nine men out of ten in
every trade feel jut as I do."
'But," said the lawyer, "we could
not get along if all the carpenters left
their trade."
4I have nothing to do with that," re
plied the carpenter. "All I want is to
get a living outside of this trade, some
how."
The lawyer then told the carpenter
that cnrjienters seemed to be just like
lawyers, as more than half of the law
yers whom he knew would like to get
out of practice if they could find any
I utter way of making a living. He al
so expressed the opinion that thus it
had been from the beginning all
around, and so it would Is? to the end,
unless human nature is changed.
Etiquette of Spoon and Napkin.
If a man has a mustache which falls
down over his mouth, he may lie par
doned for putting the oint of the
spoon to his lips. But when you see
well dressed men and women, too, raise
their elbow and pour their soup down
their throats from the point of the
spoon, as you would feed a sucking
babe, you regret that they can not lie
given a year's course in a school for de
portment. It is the same with a nap
kin. It is utterly inexcusable for a
man to put his napkin iu the top of his
vest, and when it comes to sticking it
iu his collar like a bil, as a great many
do, it is all but repulsive to one of re
fined tastes. It is a great relaxation
for me to escape the confining duties of
the desk and watch people feed them
selves. Interview in M'tuhiiitftut Star.
Lucky.
A reporter, in describing the murder
of a man named Jorkins, said: "The
murderer was evidently in quest of
money, but luckily Mr. Jorkins had de
posited all his funds in the iiank the
day before, so that he lost nothing but
his life." Lou-ton Tl Hit.
eralcl
Doesn't Like Women.
A corresjiondent, whose sex, says the
Westminister (iazi'ttr, we decline to di
vulge, sends us the following twenty
one answers to the question, "Why
I Hate Women :"
1. Because she stalis me iu the eye
with her parasol, offers noapolgy, and
looks as if I did it.
'2. Because she pushes for a place iu
trains and omnibuses, and, being iu,
never makes any room for other people.
.'!. Bcrause, iu public, her prattle is
audible and unceasing, and includes
the biographies and characteristics of
all her friends by name.
4. Because she discusses frocks with
her her sister opposite, and " descrilies
fabrics and fixings as if at her dress
maker's. ii. Because she climbs to the top of
omnibuses, to descend from which de
mands grace and decency.
li. Because she thinks the only way
to make an omnibus stop is to prod the
driver, if she cannot reach the con
ductor. 7. Because, lading of the class for
which omnibuses are not, she spoils
her coachman and ruins her horses by
her ignorant or inconsiderate use of
them.
H. Jiccausc, U-ing of any class, she
loves a "remnant day" and dotes on
bargains.
!. Because she mislays her bag,
h- her handkerchief, and carries her
purse in her hand.
10. Because she recites, plays vio
lins and rides on bicycles.
11. Because she reads accounts of wed
dings and 1'ists of presents in ladies'
newspapers.
Ii Because she walks three in a row
upon the pavement, and exjas-ts every
one else to make wav for her.
IX Because she worshifM priests and
deacons, as well as illustrious persons
and cavalry oUii-crs.
It. B.-cause she is "fluent hut not
lucid," and more coiiivriu-d alsiut the
numU-r of her facts than the truth of
them.
1. Because, in nine cases out of ten,
she can neither sew, nor read aloud,
nor make tea,
1'J. Because site is always writing
letters, and wanting; me and others to
answer them.
17. Because she is the slave of fash
ion ; and that, not only in clothes, but
in art, music, manners, religion, flow
ers jewelry, language and furniture.
IS Because she does not value any
thing simply la-cause it Is "gool" (fol
lowing a fashion set in the days la-fore
she existed ), but because it is "worn,"
or "done," even "talked about."
111. Bemuse if she is "nice" she is
sure to lie conventional, aud if she Is
not conventional she is generally not
"nice."
20. Because, if you tell her a secret,
she passes it on at once to other friends
"I don't mind telling you, dear, but
it mustn't go any further."
-I. Because she is often careless as
to fsal, and thinks cheapness the first
requl-ite iu wine.
Mark Twain's Apology.
Tiiis story alsiut Mark Twin was
told by a Hartford man to a Washing
ton Star reporter the other night. It
may not lie entirely new to every one,
but even if it isn't, it is g.xxl enough to
bear reiH-tition.
One U-autiful Summer .morning a
few years ago, Mark wandered out lie
fore breakfast, unconventionally at
tired in a smoking jacket and slippers
and unadorned with either -ollar or
necktie. The humorist is proverbially
careless as to his dress, and if it were
not for his faithful wife would In- as
likely as not t appear in public iu this
garb most of the time.
A few doors from Mr. Clement's
lcue lives the aged authoress of "I'n-
cle Tom's Cabin." On this particular
morning, as Mark strolled by Mrs.
Stowe's residence, he espied the old
lady seated upon the veranda- He
pushed open the gate, walked in and
made a very enjoyable qiiarter-of-an
hour's call. Then he lounged back to
breakfast.
During the progress of t'.u himI he
casually alluded to his call upon Mrs.
Stowe.
"You don't mean to say that you
went into Mrs. Stowe's house in that
cmdition, do you?" ejaculated his des
pairing wife.
"What condition?" aked Mark
blankly.
"Why, without any coMaror necktie.
What will Mrs. Stowe think of you?
You'll have to go over and apologize to
her just as soon as you can make your
self presentable."
"All right, my darling," said the
crest-fallen humorist, meekly, "but I
don't think she noticed anything out
of the way. She didn't speak of it."
A few moments later, breakfast hav
ing been finished, M-irkdlsap-K-are.l iu
the direction of the dressing room, and
shortly afterward despatched one of his
chitdren upon some mysterious errand
in which a small parcel played a part.
The child presently returned K-aring
a note, which Mark, after reading, car
ried in triumph to his wife.
"It's all riit, my d.-ar," h? said, re
ferring to the note. "Mrs. Stowe said
she is always glad to see me, even with
out the customary neckwear, and begs
me not to mention the circumstance."
"What have you done now?" quvri- j
e i .nrs. v iciiieiis in a nine ot nope less
resignation.
"Why, drawled out the humorist, "I
sent my collar and necktie over to Mrs.
Stowe, so that she could know that I
really owned them. You may rest as
sured now, my dear, that it's all right.
She is satisfied, I am sure, that I do
have collars and neckties about the
house somewhere."
"There is Danger in delay."
Since lSol I have W-en a great suf
ferer from catarrh. I tried Ely's Cream
Balm and to all apia-arances am cured.
Terrible headaches from which I had
long suffered are gone. W. J. Hitch
cock, Late Major U. S. Vol. and A. A.
(eii., Buffalo, N. Y.
Ely's Cream Balm has completely
cured me of catarrh when everything
else failed. Many acquaintances have
used it with excellent results Alfred
W. Stevens Caldwell, Ohio.
Price of Cream Balm Ls fifty cents.
WHOLE NO. 2301.
Why Her III Used Husband Didn't
Loye Her Any More.
"How is your huslwind?" a-ked the
little woman in gray.
"Don't a.-k me, please; lie hasn't sjs
ken to me for a week. Come to think
of it, though, he mut la- quite well,
for if he has a pain in his finger be
thinks he is alsiut to die and wants to
make up all our differences."
"It Isn't a good time to quarrel while
Sadie is visiting you for the first time
since your marriage."
"One can't choose the ti. lie to quar
rel or have the toothache, dear. If you
promise never to rea-at it, no matter
how funny it is I'll tell you the whole
storv."
"YHi may tnM me implicity, my
dear. If I have a secret which I just
must tell somebody, I wait until my
husband is as let-p, tc-t him with some
thing unimportant, then ti ll the whole
story. It relieves me withoti enlight
ening him. Oli, I assure you, I am
safe as a church."
"Very well, then. It U-gan the day
before Sadie came, wheu I ask-d for
some money to go shopping."
"That was commonplace enough, I
am sure."
"Yes, and it was about the careless
way in which I carry my p's-ketlssik
in my hainl, no matter how much
money it has iu it."
"You'd U ttcr not. I know a woman
who"
"S do I lots of 'em. But I told
Tom I'd like to see aiiylxsly snatch a
pockctlsiok out of my hand. Well, I
went into town to mis-t Sadie; then we
went shopping. As she had never seen
Tom I wan tcil him to look his la-st, so
I purchased some pretty things for him
as well as for myself."
"Very generous of you, I'm sure."
"Yes I had just gotten hint two love
ly neckties at 2 cents upits-e and
thrown away the ticket so he'd like
them, not knowing what they n-t.
Suddenly, as I turned away from the
counter, soniclssly snati liiil my ss-kct-
Ixsik right out of my hand!"
"(iiawluess, how awful!"
"It came over me like a Hash what
Tom would say .to nu after all his
warnings alsiut carrying money so care
lessly, ami fain tc I away."
"No wonder.' And did the thief es-
cajK-.'
"Why, no. The queerest thing hap
IieiKsI. Sadie caught and held him
until a p iliceman came. Then he he
insisted that he was my husband!"
"What impudence! But Sadie"
"Oh, Sadie had a picture of Tom,
and as this man was smooth shaven"
"And we all know Tom's lovely
whiskers."
"She told the police it was only a
pretense, and gave our names and ad
dress. They had taken him away,
fighting like a demon and protesting I
that he was my husband. Is-fore I came
to my sens,-s.''
"How fortunate that you did not sec
the horrid creature."
"Perhaps so. But, oh, my dear, Tom
never ca. tie home at all that night. I
was wild with alarm, and Sadie was
sure that he was awfully dissiiiated.
Aim'it noon the next day I wastqwtairs,
when 1 heard Sadie in the front hall
calling, 'Help, help, thieves, thieves!
I ran down, and there was Tom him
self!" "But I don't see"
"I lis whiskers were sheared otf and
he he wouldn't sjieak to me, and Sadie
wouldn't lielieve he was my husband!''
"Oood gracious! You don't mean
that he had snatched your pockelbook
just to prove that it c.iald be d ne? P.ut
how did he settle with the twiliiv?"
"That was j;it what he had time. I
don't know ho he settled it, for he
hasn't sp ik.-n to me since, and that
pockctlsiok had in it every dollar I own,
and I don't dare ak him for it." CUi
cfo Timt m-Hi ruil.
It Hakj3 Soms Men Tirel
They were from some locality up
North and on their wedding tour. In
taking in .the sights of Detroit they
b Ktrdcd a Woo.lward-ave. car for a ride
t the terminus and bark. As they
sat beside each other, her hand in his
hand and his straw hat fanning them
b.th, a grumpy old codger on the next
seat siieeringly observed :
"'Not her rix' of love'syouiigdrcam,
I see !"
The newly wedded looked around at
him, but lin k- no reply, and pretty
so in he said :
"There ought to lie a law against this
sKMiiiing business ! It just makes nit
tired !"
"Oh. it does!" re'.ortcd the young
man as his cheeks b.-g i:i to r. 1 1 n.
"Mel.lie you never sp toned when yo-j
was a young man ?"
"If I did it was nut iu such a pnlilie
place !"
"What's the place to do with it ?
Can't everybody tell right otf the han
dle that nie'n Jennie are jest married?"
"I should say they could !"
"And that we are on our bridle tour?'
"Yes."
"And that we are jest honey and
peaches?"
"That's what tires me."
"Itd.a-s eh? Well, it don't tire us.
She dotes on me and I'd die for her,
and we are going to kiss and hug and
squeeze hauiis aud eat gum-drops as
long as our f 17 holds out, and you and
all the rest of the old moss backs iu this
town can lick your chops and go to
grass !"
And he sat down and put one arm
around his turtle dove and hugged Iter
till the grumpy old man came to his
comer and dropped off with a grunt of
disgust. Ih tmit Free 7V,
Travelers are frequently troubled
with dysentery, diarrhu-a or other
bowel complaints brought on by change
of water ami diet One dose of Dr.
Fowler's Ext. of Wild Strawlierry will
bring relief.
As the U-e collects nectar and de
parts without injuring the flower or its
color or scent, so let a sage dwell iu the
village.
Better than living 100 years not see
ing the highest religion, is one day in
the life of man who sees the highest
religion.
A Handy Boy.
nv h:sk it sTAfKi-KR.
"Boys arc no gisi-l," declared farmer
Atkins in tone, and with a
s.-.)-l on hi-, face. "You c:-ii!i.t lie.
j- -nd on th'-rn. Th-y are truthful, pos
si'ily, and may tiu-an well, but then
you can't i!eK iul on th-.ni. They are
thoughtless, reckless, extravagant It
wasn't so whcf- I was a 1sy. There
must lie .iiictliii:g wrong iu tluir
training."
The farmer was excusable for the
half vicious outburst. He had tried
half a dozen boys in quick succession,
anil none of them had suited him. As
he was a kind, patient man, exacting
but little, the fault was not with him,
but with the boy. Just as he turned
into his lane, a clear, self-confident
voice addressed him:
"Mr. Atkins, I've been told that you
want a liy."
Turning around, his eyes rested upon
a sturdy, short-set, capable bsiking fel
low, alxrtit fourteen years old, plainly
yet neatly clad, with eyes that had an
honest, fearless bsk in them.
"I am not taking any stock in hoy
lately," he growled. "They are not
trustworthy. They have more conceit
tluin energy. What can you do?"
"I hardly know," tiielsy replied; "I
have never lived on a farm. I think I
could make myself handy."
Farmer Atkins laughi-d.
"That's the s:tme as useful, I take
it," he said. "Well, I am looking for a
Llsiy that can make himself useful.
Still that isn't all. I've known useful
Isiys that were not to ! li s rnl- d on.
If I can't dcjK tid on a Is.y I don't
want him. The last lsy I had wasn't
a I'm id of work, but he was entirely t-s
forgetful; he was a tax upon my patients.-and
my purse. He neglected to
put up the liars and the i-ows got into
the cornfield, he neglected to halter the
mare and she pushed her way up into
the granary. We had to rig up a tack
le to hoist her out of it. He trimmed
the grajie-vines without order six
weeks ti soon and they Mi-d to death.
He was either always a litttle too far
Li hind or a little too previous."
The toy's brown eyes wen- fixed up
on the stM-aker.
"You might try me," he quietly sug
gested. "I Ulieve that I can please
you." Then he added, while a flush
came into his cheeks, "at home I am
regarded as a thoughtful, conscientious
l-.y."
" 111, yes," crisply replied the farmer.
"That's natural. Parents are blind to
their Isiy's iuqs-rfcct ions. Itoys un
like men; there's a big difference la
twecii the price they think they are
worth and the pritv they'll really bring.
However, I'll try you. See what you
can il'i alxi'.it the wmm1 pile during the
interval, for I II not l- back until din
ner. I'll irive you no instructions:
when I get back I'M U- able to tell how
much gumption there is in you."
"Thank you sir!" cried the boy with
a glad intonation in his voice.
At diiiiicr-tiuie the farmer found him
busily at work.
"Where did vou find the buck and
saw?"' he asked.
"The one in the shed, the other in
the tool-house," replied the Imy.
"Who told you they were there?"
"XiukUv, sir; I looked for them."
"Who sharpened the saw?"
"The w hecl-w right."
''Paid him a quarter, did you?"
"N' t, sir."
"Told him to charge it, eh?"
"There was no charge. He knows
me and wanted to help me."
"Humph!" growled Mr. Atkins. "He
t.ild you I was an old curmudgeon,
didn't he?"
"No, sir. H; said nothing disre
spectful ah nit you."
"II. iw did you know what length to
in ike the sticks?"
"I went into the kitchen and meas
ured the stove."
'That showed thoaghtfulncss. Is
this all the wiKhl vou have sawed and
split?"
"Oh, no. I hauled a Sot to the shed."
"Why?"
"Well, it rested me. It was a change
iu the work. Then it might rain la
fore night"
"Yes, it might," assented the farmer,
keenly studying the Uty, and rather
pleased with him. "Yes, my lad, a
change of work is rest. Did you pile
up the wikxl nicely?"
"Oh, yes."
"There was a snow shovel on the
w.nd; I s.tpp n you pde.l a great lot
on top of it."
"No, I didn't. I put it away in the
tool-house."
"You've earned tour dinner, any
how. Come iu and get it"
Three weeks later Mrs. Atkins said
1 1 her husUind:
"Jie, you've struck a jewel in that
Ikiv."
. "Maria, I Ulieve I have."
"You wouldn't believe how Useful he
Is to me in the house. He spares me
wonderfully, and can do some things
as well as a girl. There is so much
tact alsiut him."
"When I ask;-.l him what he could
do," repli.il Mr. Atkins, "lie said he
he could make himself handy. It
strjek me as an odd expression, but it
was precisely what he meant He is
very handy. Did you notice Imw he
mended the step ladder? I shook my
head at it, thinking it la-yocd repair.
He found .Miine small iron corner piei-es
around the plaiv, screwed one arm to
the steii-i and the other arm to the up
rights, and the ladder is as strong now
as the day I Utught it"
"He is always busy, Jie. It is sur
prising! When there is nothing espe
cially to do he looks up something."
"I'm a little more hojvful alsiut
boys" farmer Atkins slow ly said, es
pecially when they are thoughtful and
conscientious. That is what he told
he was rated at at home. Tin-re are
Utvs and Uivs."
Storiaj Potatoes-
A ivrfect store place is capable of lie
ingkept quite dark and coot, but quite
safe from frost. Therefore it should In
st least partially umler the ground level,
as being the easiest way of keeping frost
at bay. If stmed in sheds, they should
not la.- put into large masses directly
they are lifted, for they are liable to
generate more warmth than is good for
them, but if spread out rather thinly at
first, they may, after a fortnight, be
placed much thicker without any harm.
But where large quantities have to la
kept through the winter ;here is no
better plan than placing them in
mounds, according to The ('ardener's
Magazine, which advises as follows:
Select a place a little ab.tve the gen
eral level, so as to la- quite safe from
flooding after heavy rains and having
marked out the space required, put in a
good layer of straw. Proceed to pack
the j.otutoes into a conical long heap,
cover with straw, and then place a suf
ficient thickness of soil to kit-pout frost,
and la-at it down so firm and smMth
that the rain will run oifinto the trench
surrounding it The top should not be
quite closed up uutil severe frost ren
ders it necessary to do so.