1 jfce Somerset Herald. ESTABLISHED 27. ' Term of lublication. j , ,-.) every ed' cday nioroini! K 00 i ' f wii J ia ivan.-e : othmriw U oO .mi'ji. ' c- C ' art pl "f- '''" u"r" elecun ! 'T when .uh-Tiben do net lake out their j .-i- held rwixmuM forth -Mb-rii- fat V ., rernavil t"- ' '""ti.(lilia ;vc ulbe uaroeof the fur-net u 7" nol.'nKKT. c 11 aViokseyat-law. somerset, I . A. with JoH-J H. fhL r W. HIJWKKK, 1 A-noKSEVATLAW. X Somen!, P- - . ,k A K-rtt' ,1"'k 10 ' 11 - ?J s,iierrt. Pa. s J K " HE- 7 J- " ..r..LVtV.lT.LA. ii. IADM.EY, An-HNKV-AT, S l-TK1ATT.''kNEV .r-LAW. 1 s,,Dieinet, Pa. .l s-iraenri Canity H' HL ,!AKvri.RSKY AT LAW ,!1 , 'I' ci.inwl u. ..iw will receive J -,.. ;- ,.;,tu. " W.M.KCTTKU . r '" II v KUPi EL, ts.meix'1. Pa. . . cnini-n-d t. Ih.ir ere mill t A- .7;i !,;,-.u,iy it.n.i.-d . . ! Mr.fi MiUMrouttl Km- a. V- ATTnKNLY.AT.LAW. r . c-xr irm--l artem --' enini4e4 , , in is.errt ! 'i.itiii.e !7,';:; I'nM Utt H.i K-.W. "M"-" theUsirt Dl MEYERS. ' ATTUKNEY-AT-1.AW. Ntmcivt, I . . . i hiint- riitniiJ ' !' ' .AV : " ,,r. .iih .nU t.A-,ii-. W . iiX. Kr.-rt. iit duur toJ. B. nyKr 4 ,l!NO. K1MMK.U nniir.i Ai i.A... NJUM-rwl, ra... i(H.1 1" 1" l'U't- entnlrtt to hi rare i. ' .mX i an.) .li..ii,inii '-'"-. Hh prompl i !..!. .itv. oili.-e on Main tn!uwt. J ATT..KNEY AT LAW. sonn-rwU Pa- ... VKminoth HU k "P Kniran.-r u.,,,' wrwt. i!.itioti mwte. ertat t il.--i"iimm-1. and il l:al l.ulUCT.at-,i.-l'u. ill. .roMii.Ui- .a11 lalf'ity- 7; 7-j.'.. L a Cw"u'- C ATTi iKN EYS-AT-l.AW. S.rjK-rm't. Pa. I.umi..- omni-l.i to 'ir .r ail! bt i.-i. wt tk.ti.f"llv att.-n4.-d ... -.Utinm n .ui. r-.-l H-.i.it ami ..tjoililUK '-Min.-viuK !! ciuviyaui inti duue rra- .:..(. 1.T1U-. nt.NKY. K. STIM-XL. ATToKNEY-ATLAW. Somerset. Ta. )in:v ai.J I-. H-K.B Airi-nt. t'i- " Mammoth iMt- ' Vii'lixTINK HAY, AnokSEY AT LAW. " tmmr-t. I a. rv-..-r in KckI Knaw. W ill atu-nd to all t-li,.- fi.iniM.-d to hi" cr 'tt proia.tu nj! inl.-liiy. .'UN U. VIII.. . ... ATToKNr.Y-AI-t-Aw. Solnerwl, Pa. tN.il i.n..tiy aiit-nd to all huiii ntru-nd I., hiiii M. ;i ailVKii.'Wl ou coliwlioiu., Of ti. Ui Maliiln.lb lii'-li. I) ,u. v. a. imo.U's. l'llYM IA A.M M K..r.. . ii..ii-r.4 Pa. if..p.- ill A Btrriti.- Bloi l. m o.ud Kl..r. I) it. j. k. r.nr.( KEii, PIIYMflAS AND Rt:EiN. tioMKKxCT. Pa., 7.. ,i,f hi- pnif.ioim! (vrrhw to the rltia.-n ot S.;.,N1 t,,j vi nny. ! iu Port tr b.. i- Mifc.-. tjo4 .rf lualuotid. I) It. II. S. KIMMKLL, h hi .,rvi,.n.l HTviro to the rltl.'n i.i ,u.. i:.l vi.-iu.iy. Inlew. Mui.wMialljr i t .wi mi ! (ouuil at liu. olliif ou liaiu t-t., W 1'lMtU. ii.l. D It. H. BltrBAKLR LmI hi. im,f.-i,uml -n i.-e to the ritt-n of -.mrrn-i ami i. iuit. I'lt eeia rr-id. u.- on irtt vH of lmtui.md. DR. J M. LofTWER, t-wmrrty uj .-yltrtim.) PHYSICIAN AN1 Sl lK.EtlN. m -i.-d i.cmiui.fiit!y In Soimrvt for the ft..;.'.- ..1 til- .r.!-M.!l. tifli.-eoti lalu rtlwl. T-nr.il I'rufc-M-.re. I) U J.S. M M1I.I.KN. u.-n1ivitr if. Im!iliT.i .. v.- :l Ktu-t.tl..ti tollw VMT-au "I V- la!'..rl t.flh. Aniti.nl m'lf iliH-n.-.!. All -T. i,.ri- rixrautrrd MtiMa-ior-. tfli.-e iu B-' b- t iiju;r. I) l'KNTIST. I np-TaiT it ".'k A Bwrii RlK-k. iii Kti-iMT HI"" k upstair, when he : .. mi. i, tulir.n. r-ti.:a;iiir. fxtnwiinir. -;:,-;b'1 itt'tii ! 'all LiihS ami oi Ititr Ik4 B.'.tn; uiK-rtt-O. All ork jpiarauletl. J. K. MILLER lit- p.-r7nanmly l.M-at.l in Berlin ft the prar- .,t t.i- j.r,tfi...,u. on,. oHjrite Charlc meiset County Hank. r.TAilUllt.l 1T7) C.J. HARRISON. M.J. PRITTS, Pm!l.rT. CAfHIEK. tuiioia ojuit in U part, of the fnited tatea. CHARGES MODERATE. l-artto wt-liun to wnd mouer ti nt ran be ac-"r-nn.iaii h- .iriifl tm York in any nim. .. r. ;.uii- urn.!.- u .i , ,nntittn?. I'. S. iion.i -'rflitat,.! .l,,.-v aud valuat.W eoiire4 ' ",:f"f l'l-t-'i'l " n-i. hratrd aafea. with a Sar-t- Wu tS4 Unit HH'k. AU Ura! li..iUav Ob-erred. CURTIS K. GROVE. SOMERSET, PA. Bt'WIKS. sfEIGHS. CARRIAGES, S-l KINii WAiitiNS. Bl'CK W A)N8. AM' LASTERS AND WKSTEKX WORK Kurr.Mied on Mam Sotlee. fainting Done on Short Time. f '.-k i ma.lt ,i.,t f r.7' SWwf w. as! It.. l-,m nmi .vr. Sillwlallllally twirtiirini. N,ily Finished, and arraitliy! U r ve Matlafaetlott. r-7 Zzlj Firs: Class Warkaen. E2"i, All Kinds Is Mr Line Tne oa Vjii.t. .n, l:EXB( ,i knLH, and All Work Warranted. 'imt"i Exsnii!,,- my St.rt, and Learn . Ve ' ,. . and furnish Mr for Wind Kn,rf..u)M tte and ciJl In. CD RTJSK. GROVE, iKaM of Court Hooae) inVFHVT P ('HARLEs; HOKFMAS, MERCHANT TAILOR. (Above. Htffley't sutore.) tU' Sty I"". And Lowest Price. SATISFACTION GUARANTEED. Somerset, Pa. r lie VOL. XXXY1. NO. 27. How's Your Liver ? J the Oriental ralutation, k m w i 1 1); ttiat pi.xl health rnnnot v xist withnnt a heal thy Livt-r. When the Liver is Turpi.) the 15. .B els are liinr:h sm.l r.mtitterl, the 1h1 Inn in the Ktuniajli un ili).',!te.l i)it.tiinit the blontl ; freijnent ln-a la. lie ensm-w ; a f.-eliiij: of lasitu.le, ilef pon dem y and nervonsnes in.Ii--ate hw the whole Hystem i ietiinjrel. Simmons Liv er Regulator han been the meaiiH of n-Mtoriii); more peo ple to health and happinesti hy giving them a healthr Lier than any agency that is known on earth. It arts nith extraonlinary power and ellii-M-ncy. NtVI'lt BtfcN ltIAl'11ISThl. A k'Titi.1 fHniflr rvnterty for Iir-.psiii, Tor pi.l l.!.-r. .ia:irlluu, &e. I hartliy fver n unytliinv lt n.-vrr tn liiMipiwtiDt- i in tiie t-ri.-t-l ir-".l'j.-ri ; it sot-tii to t nim.M a 1-rlf-t rur t'.r .U uimum.- of tlit Stoiuab and ihiut-U. W J M.'ELBor. Jlacou, Kit. HOLIDAY SUSPENDERS. Put np one p.iir in n lxx. Plain .-itin ami Moire, aino itu-hly Kiuhniid.-re.!. Holiday Fancy Nightshirts. The lle:4 Line of Patterns e have ever had. HOLIDAY NECKWEAR. New iii:it-up fliapes, Four-in-HandTies, liowf, vVc, for all nti-aninnx. HOLIDAY GLOVES. For ladies and tteiitleinen, all the latest colon, and lenjrt hs. f. i every occasion. H0LIPA V H ILK HOSIERY. Regular and Opera Lengths, Bla.-k and Plain Colors and Kan.-y Patterns, en tirely new K-t-irri. HOLIDAY APRONS, A vry haiiiioine line of Plain Tuck, Kinhroidered and IHamond pattern. Holiday Handkerchiefs, Kvery kind, tia1ity and in larp? quanti ties, and. of most importance to tiy ers, KXTRA AND BKST VAL- UKSeverotrered in handker chiefs ilk and Liueu, for Gentlemen.. Ilndken-hiefs Plain and Kmbrriidered for La.li.5-, and Handkerchiefs for Chil dren. Come in every day and look around. HORNE fc AVLTtD, 41 FIFTH AVE.. PlTTSlll Kt.H. PA. It is to Your Intrest TO BI Y Vlll K Drugs and Medicines or Biesecker k Snyder. WJVEWmW TO C. K. BOVD. None but the punt and hot kept in tlm k. ami when PritjS" two me inert by stand ing, as certain of them do, we d stmy tht-ni. ratli.T than im p on our customers. YnU ean depend on having y.mr PRESCRIPTIONS & FAMILY RECEIPTS filled with care. Our prir-e are as low as any other tirst-i-ia-o housr and on tunny artii-les nnuh lower. Tiie eop!e of this county aeem to know this, and have given us a latye share of their patronaire. and we shall still continue tngnve them the very hest goods for their iiioney. j Io not (iirj. that we make a s ialty o FITTING TRUSSES. We guarantee salSfaetioii. ami, if you have had troll I 'le in this dirertion. give us a .-all. SPECTACLES AND EYE-GLASSES in great variety ; A full set of Test Lenses. O.me in and have your eyes examined. No .liatye for examination, and we are confident we .an suit y.ai. f orne and see me. K-sjwtfullv. BIESECKER & SNYDER. LIST OF CAUSES. The followinE i the l-Mof ranxep et fir trial al Ihv lKrtrml-er Term of 'ouri, vuruuieucinf; oQ J. II Friu t. J. B Criirhfield, et at H. F. Koiit-. John hiel John Alp' Atlmr v. .Simon Nycnm. Sunie vn ni. htU Mrt- vn. Frmer' Bank of Meyenwl&l. i lmrt s-rNr vn rHrm A Weiirtle. W. Ii. Criwnian rs. Kltxabetb Miller. m:cund wf.kr. Mary A Marltn's tieht vn. P. rt Hut. John M. YitrhfifW ur vi Arrh IJvemwwl, Julni : Kly i aJ v Itijamin Itender rt Malthiax ilowmun r Ivut A V IS but: maker. l4uc A Jrnkii.9 vn A W baiHimtn. Kmaii ul Jtttntf v Jtcpli MtHrtirr. Johu K S,.aJkT u vt Jacob C Honior. iT.Kyvmiit-. . a cKrmiFiKLi. iiov. 1., infST. Froilioi rotary. Y Y f T T n 13 ve faom. and make fill nwre motwy at work for u ttn I till111 AnTthinjr e lo tb world. X mJ J Capital m i.rvl-d. Ycm are trud itrW. iuh wiw; all u-k Any tmccan d the work. 1 Jinre rMrninte mi re fWra the tatart. .kKtly outfit and Urnu frw, lietter not delay: ttiw ytm nothing m m-nd n your addr-t and tndrMit if rem ar wtr. too 1U do an at mice 1L Hau rrr ir., Pfrtlan t. Me rtor-jS lyr. AGENTS WANTED -T8 SEU- PHOTOGRAPH ALBUMS BY PA VH K Th-pp Al.Br airiD rtthr Mo merv BeM Aiik. Hrornde. or Ptuh, very baud MiiiH aiHi dnruole. Ijltky Nate w made, and vt py BJMir1 afettttx. All itn4hyd peo pir whmi14 vnie to tfametliatvlr. A'MfVM A MthLToS 4 iXh. Ptiiladriphta F, -ia-1C-y. NOTICE. THE Annual Elecioo nf the Farmers' Tnlna A-Ki.n.Mi and Kir Insuraner Cnmrianr will tie brUi al Keri a ua Titm1t. the T7th da uflw nuilal ItC, at I a'rlurk r. , f. h rxinssv of eUsninc fm4k-i. Vice hwl'tl. Srcretar arid 1 dtreetfa to arrre the .swim Tear. Jmm Miwaa. J AC: BWARTZmhKC BER. THE PRESIDENTS MESS ACE Warhim.tos, D. Decerober , 1S87. Owing to the nntnher of repnted offi cial projrnontications npontlie president's meswa w, the interest in its presentation w somew hat in excess of that nsnally displayed under similar circumstances. In the house the iralleries were well fill ed, and ecry itiemlx-r was in his seat. After the Ustial opening exercises, the reading of the inessafre was comni"n.-e.l. I'ontrary to some ideas the message was not long, and, as predicted, it is a one idea d'X-ument. The surplus takes up its initial parnpruphs, and the taritf, which occupies the body and closing ones, is made incidental to the other point. There are places in w hich the strictures on protection may lie considered severe, hut the message was received with re spectful attention in every detail. the slum s. Referring to the threating char cter of the surplus, the president says : This condition of our 'treasury is not altop'tlier new ; and it ha more than once of lute lieeii submitted tothejH-o-ple's representatives in congress, who alone can apply a remedy. And yet the situation still continues with aggravated incidents, more than ever presaging tinan.-ial convulsion, and widespread disaster. It will not do to neglect this situation because its dangers are not now palpably imminent and apparent. They exist none the less certainly, and await the unforseen and unexpected occasion w hen suddenly they will be precipitated upon us. On June 30, 1K7, the excess of reve nues over pnhlic expenditures after com plying with the annual requirement of the sinking fund act, was $l7,So'.),7:i5.f4 ; during the year ended June ISO, lSSti, such excess amounted to $4'.,4'V),."4.".20 ; and during the year ended June :!0, 1SS7, it reached the sum of $.V,"H7,V4!..4. Referring to the measures taken by tiie redemption of bonds, to decrease the surplus, the message continues : " While the expedient thus employed to release to the eple the money lying jdle in the treasury, served to avert immediate da ti ger, our surplus revenues have continued to accumulate, the excess for the present year amounting on December 1st to ", 'VS,701.1!t, and estimated to reach the sum of $113,0t XV W0 on June 30th next. at which dale it is expected that this sum, added to prior accumulations, will swell the surplus in the treasury to 1 140,000,000. There seems to be no assurance that, with Huch a w ithdrawal from use of the people's circulating medium, our business community may not in the near future besuojected to the same- distress- which was quite latelv produced from the same cause. And while the functions of our national treasury should be few and sim ple, and while its best condition would be reached, 1 believe, by its entire dis connection with private business inter ests, yet when, by a perversion of its pur- jsjrtes, it idly holds money uselcsslessly subtracted from the channels of trade there seems to Is? reason for the claim that some legitimate means should be devised by the government to restore, in an emergency, w ithout waste or extrava gance, such money to its place among the people. In the present state of legislation the only pretense of any existing executive jwer to restore, at this time, any part of our surplus reveuum to the jieople by its expenditure, consists in the supKjt-ition that the secretary of the treasury may enter the uuirket anil purchase the bonds of the government not yet due, at a rate of premium to lie agreed upon. In considering the question of purchas ing bonds as a means of restoring to cir culation the surplus money accumulating in the treasury, it should be borne in mind that premiums must of course be paid ujon such purchase, that there may be a large part of these bonds held as investments whi h cannot be purchased at any period and that combinations among holders who ire willing to sell may unreasonably enhance the cost of such bonds to the government. It has been suggested that tiie present .loll. led debt might be refunded at a less rate of interest, and the ditlVxeuce be tween the old and new security paid in cash, thus finding use for the surplus ir the treasury. The successof this plan, it is apparent, must depend nioii the voli tion of the holders of the present tsmds; and it is not entirely certain that the in ducement which must be offered them would r-sult iu more financial bem-fit to the government than the purchase of londs, w hile the latter proposition would reduce the priucipnl of the deb by actual payment, instead of extending it. The proposition to deKsit the money held by the government in banks throug out the country for use by the people is, it seems to me.ex.vedingly objectionable in principle, as establishing to.) close a relationship between the operations of the government treasury anil the busi ness of the country, and too extensive a commingling of their money, thus foster ing an unnatural reliance iu private busi ness upon public funds. If this scheme should lie adopted, it should only lie done as a temjairary ex)edient to meet urgent necessity. Legislative and exec utive effort should generally be in the ops.site direction, and should have a tendency to divorce, as much and as Cist is cm safely be done, the treasury ile partiiii nt from private enterprise. Tff K TAIlliF. This brin! the president to consider the cause of the surplus, on which he says ; Our scheme of taxation, by mean of which this needless surplus is taken from the people and pnt into the public treas ury, consists of a tariff or duty levied upon importations from abroad, and in ternal revei ue taxes lc led upon the consumption of totnicco and spirituous and malt liquors. It must be conceded that none of the things subjected to in ternal revenue taxation are, strictly speaking, neceasarieji ; there appears to' be no just complaint of this taxation by the consumers of these articles, and there seems to he nothing so well able to bear the barnen without hardship to any portion oft people. - But our present UriiTlaws, the vicious, inequitable and illogical aottree of un Somerset SOMERSET, PA., necessary taxation, ought to be at once revised and amended. These laws, as their primary and plain effect, raii the prit-e to consumers of all articles import ed and subject to duty by precisely the sum paid for such duties. It is not projiosed to entirely relieve the country of this taxation. It must be extensively continued aa the source of the government's income, and in a read justment of our tariff the interests of American labor engaged in manufacture ; should lie can-fully considered, as well as : the preservation of our manufacturers, j It may lie called protection, or by any j other name, but relief from the hardship and dangers of our present tariff laws, should lie devised with especial precau tion against imperiling the existence of our manufacturing interests. ' It is also said that the increase in the price of domestic manufactures, resulting from the present tariff, is necessary in order that higher wages may be paid to our workingmen employed in manufac tories than are paid for what is called the pauper labor of Europe. All will ac knowledge the force of an argument which involves the welfare and liberal compensation of our tailoring people. 1 Our labor is honorable in the eves of every American citizen, and as it lies at the foundation of our development and progress, it is entitled, without fiction or hypocricy, to the highest regard. The standard of our laborers' life should not lie measured by that of any other coun try less lavored, and they are entitled to their full Bhare of all our advantages. Hy the last census it was made to ap pear that of the 17;!C,0!r!( of our popula tion engaged in all kinds of industries, 7,i70,403 are employed in agriculture, 4 -074,2tS in professions and personal ser vice, 12,0:)4,87r( of w horn are dometic ser vants and 'alairers, w hile 1,810,2.) are employed in trade and transportation, and 3,KiM12 are classed as empl ijed in manufacturing and mining. For present pitriosefl, however, the last number given should be considerably re duced. Without attempting to enumer ate all, it will be conceded that there should be deducted from those which it includes, 37",1 4.1 carpenter? and joiners, :?S.").401 milliners, dressmakers and seam stresses, lS-,frJti blacksmiths, 133,7.V tai lors and tailoresses, 102,473 masons, 76, L'41 butchers, 41,30!) bakers, ?,083 plaster ers, and 4,801 engaged in manufactur ing agricultural implements, amounting in the aggregate to 1,234,0'J3, leaving 2, tii!,0.H!) persons employed in such manu facturing industries as are claimed to be benefitted by a high tariff. But the reduction of taxation demand ed should be so measured as not to ne .essitate or justify either the loss of em ployment by the workingman or the lessening of his wages; and the profits still remaining to the manufacturer, after a necessary readjustment, should furnish no excuse for the sacrifice of the interests of his employes either in their opportu nity to work or in the diminution of their compensation. The farmer and the agriculturist, who manufacture nothing, but w io pays the increased orice which the tariff impises upon every agricultural implement, upon all he wears and upon all he uses and ow ns, except the increase of his flocks and herds and such things as his hus bandry pnaluces from the soil, is invited to aid in maintaing the present situation, and he is told that a high duty on import wool is necessary for the benefit of those who have sheep to shear, in order that the price of their wool may be increased. They, of course, are not reminded that the fanner w ho has no sheep is by this scheme obliged, in h is purchases of cloth ing and woolen g'xsls, to pay a tribute to his fellow farmer, as well as to the manu facturer and merchant; nor is any men tion made of the fact that the sheep ow n ers themselves and their households must wear clothing and use other arti cles manufactured from the wool they sell at tariff prices, and thus, as consum ers, must return their share of this in creased price to the tradesman. I think it may lie fairly assumed that a large proportion of the sheep owned by the farmers throughout the country are found in small flocks nnmlicring from 25 to 50. The duty on the grade of import ed wool which the sheep yield is 10 cents for each pound if of the value of 30 cents or less, and 12 cents if of the value' of more than 30 cents. If the liberal esti mate of six pounds be allowed for each fleece, the duty thereon would be 00 or 72 cents, and this may be taken as the utmost enhancement of it price to the farmer by reason of this duty. Eighteen dollars would thus represent the increas ed price of the wool from 25 sheep, and Wi that from the wool of 50 sheep; and at present values this addition would amount to about one third of its price. If tisn its sale the farmer receives this or a les- tariff profit, the wool leaves his hands charg-d with precisely that sum, w hich in all its changes will adhere to it, until it reaches the consumer. When man ifactured into cloth and other gessb- and material for use, its cost is not only increased to the extent of the farmer's tariff profit, but a further sum has lieen added for the benefit of the manufacturer under the operation of oth er hiiff laws; in the meantime the day arrives when the farmer finds it neces sary to purchase woolen goods anil ma terial to clothe himself and family for the winter. When he faces the tradesmen for that purpose he discovers that he is obliged not only to return in the way of increased prices his tariff profit on the wool he sold, and which then perhaps lies before him in manufactured form, but that he must add a considerable sum thereto to meet a further increase in cost cause.! by a tariff duty on the manufac ture. Thus, in the end he is aroused to t ie fact that he has paid upon m sler ate purchase, as a result of the tariff achemc, which, when he aold his wool, seemed ao profitable, an increase in price more than sufficient to aweep away all the tariff profit he received opon the wool he produced and aold. ' The considerations which hare been presented touching our tariff la vs are in tended only to enforce an earnest recom mendation that the surplus revenues of the government be prevented by the re duction of our customs duties and at the same time, to emphasise s suggestion that in accomplishing this purpose we may discharge a double doty to our peo ESTABLISHED 18 - 27. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1887. ple, by granting to them a m -asure of relief from tariff taxation in quarters where it is most needed and from sources where it can be most fairly and justly ac corded. ' .'-. The difficulty attendinga wise and fair revision of our tariff laws is not tinder estimated. It w ill require on the part of the congress great labor and care, and especially a broad and a national contem plation of the subject, and a patriotic dis regard of such local and selfish claims as are unreasonable and reckless of the wel fare of the entire country. The radical reduction of the duties im posed upon raw material used in manu factures, or its free importation, ' of course an important factor in any effort to reduce the price of these necessaries. It would not only relieve thm from the increased cost caused by the tariff on such material, but, manufacture.) product being thus cheapened, that part of the tariff now laid upon such product as a compensation to our manufacturers for the present price of raw material could beaccordingly modified. Such reduction or free importation, would serve beside to largely reduce the revenue. It is not apparent how such a change can have any injurious effect upon our manufac turers. On the contrary. It w uld appear to give them a better chance in foreign markets with the manufacturers of other countries, who cheajien their wares by free material. Thus our people might have the opportunity of extending their sales beyond the limits of home consump tion saving them from the depression, interruption in business, and lorn caused by a glutted domestic market, and afford ing their employes more certain and steady labor, with its resulting quiet and contentment. Z The question thus imperatively pre sented fiir solution should be approached in s si.irit hiirher than t)artinanhin. and - I ri s i considered in the light of that regard for patriotic duty which should characterize the action of those intrusted with the weal of a confiding people. Our progress toward a w ie conclusion will not lie improved by dwelling upon the theories of protection anil free trade. This savors too much of bandying epi thets. It is a condition that confronts ns not a theory. Relief from this condi tion may involve a slight reduction of the advantages w hich reward our home productions, but the entire withdrawal of such advantages should not lie contem plated. The simple and plain duty which we owe the people is to reduce taxation to the neccessary expenses of an economical operation of the government, and to re store to the business of the country the money which we hold fit- the- treasnrv through the perversion of governmental powers. These things can and should be done with safety to all our in lustries, without danger to the opmrtunity for remunerative lalair which our working men nee. I, and wilh benefit to them and all our people, by cheapeningthcir means of subsistence and increasing the meas ure of their comforts. The constitution provides that the president " shall, from time to time, frive to the congress information of the state of the union." It has been the custom of the executive, in compliam-e with this provision, to annually exhibit to -ongress at the opening of the session, the pneral condition of the country, and in detail. with some particularity, the operations of the different executive departments. It would be especially agreeable to fol low this coure at the present time, and to call attention to the valuable a -com- plishments of these departments during the last fiscal year. But I am so much impressed with the paramount import ance of the subject to w hich this com munication has thus far been devoted. that I thall forego the addition of any other topic, and only urge ujam your im mediate consideration the "state of the union," as shown in the present condi tion of our treasury aud our general fiscal situation, ujHin which every element of our safety and prosperity depends. The reports of the heads of depart ments, which will lie submitted, coutain full and explicit information touching the transactions of the business intrusted to them, and such recommendations re lating to legislation in the public interest as they deem advisable. I ask for these reports and recoimnendations, the delib erate examination and action of the leg islative branch of he government. There are other subject not einbra.-ed in the departmental reports demanding legislative consideration, and which I should be glad to submit. Some of them, however, have been earnestly pre sented in previous messages, and as to them, I beg leave to repeat prior recom mendations. As the law makes no pro vision for any report from the depart ment of state, a brief history of the transition of that important department together with other matters which it may hereafter be deemed essential to commend the attention of congress, may fund h the occasion for a future commu nication. (Signed) Guovf.k Clevelami. Washisutos, Dec. 6, 1SX7. Don't Let that cold of yours run on. You think it is a light thing. But it may run into catarrh. Or into pneumonia. Or wi gumption. Catarrh is disgusting. Pneumonia is dangerous. Consumption is death itself. The breathing apjiaratus must be kept healthy and clear of all obstructions and offensive matter. Otherwise there is trouble ahead. All the diseases of these parts, head, nose, throat, bronchial tidies and lungs, can be delightfully and entirely cured by the use of Boschee'a ttermati Syrup. If you don't know this already, thousands and thousands of people can tell you. They have been cured by it, and "know how it is, themselves." Bottle only 75 cents. Ask any druggist. A process for making a sulsditute for leather from gutta percha and sulphur has been brought out in France. Raw cot ton and oxide of autiinony are well mix ed with these ingredients, and the whole vulcanised steam. The artificial leather is sa d to be useful for making the soles and heels of shoes. Edison says the new phonographs are to be ran at a cost of about 50 cents month. GIRLS AMONG BONDS. An Industry in which Women are Superior to Men. " Those are the girls who make mon ey," remarked a gentleman as a long line of girls came laughing and chatting out of a big building. They were happy and cheerful and as handsomely dressed anil jauntily arrayed as if they were jnst ma- king their exit trm a mitince. A re- porter ventured np to the eighth flir of the big building to see the money mak- ing process. Seated at their desks in the company's office are the young ladies who act as ao counUnt and timekeepers. They are the softer character of the tissues of chil experts at figures and the whole business dren renders them more susceptible to of the department has been reduced to j infec:ion, and tire activity of their lym sneh a system that almost ata glance the i phatic system more liable to severe forms cost of everything that enters into the work, even to the gum on the back of a stamp, can lie ascertained. A door to the left was opened, and disclosed to s iew ten or a dozen girls en giged in ver ying numbersand counting (lerfected .M-k. Here great skill 'and quick jieneption are reqnired. Sharp eyes run with the speed of lightning down the long rows of coupons and veri fy the numliers, while other eyes, equal ly as quick, examine each sheet and it is isse.l along or tissed out as imcrfcct, until the finished work reaches the " counter," by whom it is bundled, mark ed and certified with her signature. It then goes to the great safe, where it is receipted for, and the work is finished. MILLIONS OF SEITKITIES. Standing in this safe, surrounded by millions of securities, including many of the South and Central American repub lics, as well as those of innumerable cor porations in the Cnited States and Eu rope ; the process of engraving and print ing was explained from the time the blank paer left the stock room until it roach ed this safe in its finished condi tion. The whole business is conducted on a series of orders and receipts, and not a sheet or scrap of paper can go astray from the time it enters the estab lishment until it in ready for delivery. Indeed, when the safes and tirepr.sif vaults are locked at night there isn't pa per enough alsitit the establishment for a mouse to make a lied. Although European competition is large this country secures the better class of Is-ind and banknote work, for in no other land, has engraving in this special line reached such perfection. To-day the money makers of the United Stats stand at the head of the list, its inventive geni us having solved many of the problems of defeating the imitator ami the coun terfeiter. Here, for instance, is a bond of Cuba. On the back is a map of the island, and in the net of scrool work the word " Culia " is wo-en S,000 times. It is, however, but a sample of many oth ers, the counterfeiting of which is abso lutely impossible. In the passage of each one of these sheets of paier through the house it has been subjected to fifty-two countings from as many different per sons. Every sjKiileil and defective sheet has also been accounted for. The engraving rooms, where skillful artists were at their work ; the process by which the engraved plates were trans ferred to the steel press plates and har dened ; the geometrical lathe for en graving scroll work, which cannot be du plicated by hand ; the printing and the ink rijoms all were visited, as were also the great iron vaults, containing hun dreds of perfect plates, from which an average of 10,000,000 each of securities have been printed. IN TIIK EXORAVINO ROOMS. And except in the heavier parts of the business and in the engraving rooms the girls who make money were everywhere. They were met in the halls and rooms ot the building, their arms burdened w ith bundles of securities, which they were transporting .on their way. to af fection, the amount in hand being great enough to make them millionaires ; in the rooms running nnmliering machines, as counters, pinners, flyero : and in the press hum, w here each girl was assisting " her man " in running the press, by damping, laying and flying the sheet, while "her man" applied the ink, pre pared the plate and did the presswork. In this department each girl speaks of the pressman as " her man," tiie two working together, and when one is ab sent the other, perforce, is idle also. In fact, whenever girls are employed in the mechanical departm -tit of making money they appear as man's assistant and help mate. In the tower of the building there was a jierfect beehive of girls hard at wark examining and preparing the mon ey on the tables before them, and happy and chcerlnl looking ladies they were, too, as were about all employed in the establishment. There, too, you find pure, unadultera ted democracy. The girl who is engaged in counting $10,000 liandsand examining their coumns, does not think herself a bit more elevated than one who is as sorting ten-cent notes, nor does she feel herself justified in drawing invidious distinctions. She knows in this mimic ry, as in real life, the whirligig of time may throw the bonds into the lap of her companion, and give her the. small change as her portion. The very character of the work pre cludes the possibility of much talking. The eye, the touch, and the mind must lie intent on the work in hand, for negli gence or inattention is certain to be de tected at the next stage the money takes in transit. " Why do you employ girls in the pro cess of money making instead of men and boys " asked the reporter of his guide. " Because they are quicker of percep tion, have a more delicate sense of touch, and are more tractable than boys. In fact, a girl of 17, if suited to our employ, has the fixed habits of a man ol 25, com bined with greater expertness. Then they have a deeper sense of duty, do ex actly as they are instructed, and are in every way more reliable than boys, or even very young men." .V. 1". )ar. A (ierman authority recommends the following simple method of protecting iron from rust: The article is immersed in a nearly saturated solution of chloride of tin, then washed in water, and after ward with weak ammonia. The tin so lution mnst not be too strong or it will attack the iron. The treated metal ap pears like frosted silver. 1 eraic Some Facts About Diphtheria. Dr. Pepnr arw in his late " System of Medicine" that diphtheria is a spc itic infectious and contagions disease. Of its contagion there may lie no doubt, and the contagion element is liable to lie di rectly communicated by the rwtient. It i ",-Iings to solid clothing and in this ; wav ; communicated altera long time. ' There is hardly any disease which clings j go tenaciously to dwellings and furniture, j it nuty ije transKirtetl by air a great j distance. I ran give personally no ex- t ample of its being carried by visitors or j by the attending physician, but it is said j to have ocecured however. Naturally of the disease." Many tragic cases are recorded of in fection by direct contact from the throat, or from the opening in she wind piie i tracheotomy) by the surgeon, and one of the saddest cases is that of the much lamented Dr. Carl Otto Weber, of New York, vho recently died from diphtheria contracted from sucking a wound to save a child. A case is related of a surgeon w)k while attending a diphtheritic child had some secretion thrown in his face. Twelve hours after his right eye was in flamed and painful ; the affection proved diphtheritic and the recovery was com pleted after weeks of suffering. The period of incuinbation is from 2 to 15 days. Dr. Flint, of New York, says the dis ease lie communicated, and many exam ples are recorded where persons become affected after having ln exposed to the disease. Prof. Bartholoiu, of Jefferson college, ' says diphtheria is an acute, specific, contagious disease. Diphtheria there can he communicated by contagion, infection and by inoculation thruugh an organism. Dr. Richard Quoin, of Lon don, savs it is a specific, contagious dis ease. Dr. Lewis Smith, of New York, says it is always a constitutional disease frmn the start, and he believes it to be contagious. Dr. Jacobi, who perhaps has given the disease more thought than any other person in this country, claims that it can lie communicated, and advises the removal of the patient to the upjaT story to prevent the others from tak ing it. He says one important axiom most be borne in mind namely, that prevention is easier than a cure. Moving the healthy memliers of the family lie yond the danger of infection is not enough. There are in addition certain very important prophylactic measures to lie observed. The mouth and throat should lie frequently examined by an in telligent physician and kept in a heal thy condition; nasal and pharyngeal ca tarrhs cured np ; enlarged tonsils remov ed. Prevention is not only the business of the physician, but just as much that of the individual and the community the town, the county and the state. Bed clotliing and linen, should be change.) often, rooms aired, kissing forbidden. The well, or apparently well, children of a family that has diphtheria at home must not go to school or church. In times of an epidemic every public place, thea ter, ball-room, church and school should lie disinfected, as much so as if small pox existed. rsE OF DISINFECTANTS. In the sick room. The clothing, towels, ben linen, Ac, should, on removal from the patient and before they are taken from the room, be placed in a pail of (oiling hot zinc solution, made of sul phate of zinc and common salt, disolved together in water in the proportion of four ounces sulphate and two ounces salt to the gallon. All discharges should be re ceived in vessels containing copperas so lution copK-ras disolved in water in the jsirlion of fme and a half pounds to the gallon. Fumigation w ith sulphur brim stone Is the only practical method for disinfecting the house. Close the room as tightly as possible ; place the sulphur iron ns supported upon bricks placed in wash-tul. containing a little water ; set it on fire by hot coals or with the aid of a sptnf 1 of alcohol, and allow the room to remain closed for twenty-four hours. At least two pounds of sulphur should be used for a room ten feet Square. It is best to burn all articles which have been in contact with the patient. Articles too valuable to be destroyed should be treited as follows: cotton, lin en, flannel, blankets, Ac, should lie ls.il forat least half an hour, piece by piece, in the zinc solution. Heavy woolen clothing, silk, furs, xc, should be hung in the room during fumigation, then hung in the ojien air, beaten and shaken. Pillows, mattresses, upholstered furniture, vc, should lie cut open and the contents spread out and fumigated. Carpets are best fumigated on the floor, but they should after yard lie removed to the open air and beaten. The dead body should he thoroughly washed with a zinc solution of double strength and should then lie wrapped in a sheet wet with the zinc solution ami buried at once in a metallic, metal-lined or air tight coffin. The Minister's Old Thorough bred.. Something over a half a century ago, an intent rivalry existed between the inhabitants of Litchfield and of New Milfttrd, in Connecticut, as to which of those villages had, the moe.t speedy horse. It happened that the Rev. Dr. Taylor, a famous preacher of that day, ami a w arm personal friend of the Rev. Lyman Bcecher's had a horse that could outrun everything in that part of Connecticut. Theyongmen of New Milford being great ly worked up by the boasts of their Litch field ueigebors, called on Dr. Taylor and asked bin) to let them have his horse for a trial of speed. The doctor shook his head, and said : " My dear young friends, that would never do. It would not answer for a man in my position to be mixed up in any such an affair. You can see for your selves that it would never do." The young men, however, would not lie put off. They argued the case with tne doctor at great legth, but he was in exorable. He " would not be mixed up in such an affair." Supposing that the case was hopeless, they at last turned to go w hen the good doctor called out to one of them. "JJm rfl find the bhdi'e behind the hurn iw" The young uuti took .'.be hint, and also the horse; and thed.arV r'suld thorough bred beat bis Litchfield competitor out of sight U- o WHOLE NO. 1000. The Walled-ln Room. , , , , , , ," I opened rnv eves and IookeJ aromvl 1 , . me. A man -vas I. nr.. tig over my tel ; " .li near the man st.ml a woman w ith a u.n- net with great white wings on the sides, holding in her hand a moist compress. i The r .nu plain and neat, with clean ! whire wall. On a table covered with a j J great napkin of yeilow linen, I noted a I numlier of strange objects rows of little ; vials, and a Iniwn earthen jar with bits j of ice. Through the muslin curtains; i which Mlicd nut from tiie window in i ! the balmy air. I could see a patch of blue i sky and tops f trees bending lightly in ; the breeze. Where was 1 ? It s -emed like a long .In am that I had had ; my head felt empty, my limbs ached, and I could not thii. the man g-ntly litte.l my head am gave me a few drops of some liquid, which I swallowed with avidity. " Well, Mr. Furniss," he saidj " how do you feel T u Eh, what'" 1 cried. " Where am IT " You are in your house, my dear sir, and we shall takego-sl rare of yon. Now" he ad.le.l, rep'actng my hand on the pil low, " be quiet and go to sleep." I gazed at him a long time, and al! at once I recogniied L'r. Bertram, the cele brated s.eciali.-t in insanity. Why was I in Dr. Bertram's hospital instead of in my home, near Ph.enix park, with my Issiks. my mi.-riiscoie around me.? His 1 hospital was fir mad penile I and that j sister of charity, those vials, that howl of ice my God, 1 must be mad ! But whv? How?" " How long have I been here?" I ask ed, after a time. " Four weeks, Mr. Furniss. Rut you m 1st be quiet, and sleep. Now, do not try tot ilk." The next morning I was better, and day by day I improved. One evening the doctor, w hom I had not seen during the day, seated himself near my bed. " Well," sai.l he, feeling my pulse, "you are doing famously. IU have you out as gKMl as new in a few days. But you've had a close shave. It has been one of the prettiest cases of cerebal congestion I have ever handled beautiful case. Why its a w.m ler you are alive now. Tell nie how is your in-uu-ry ; can you remciulier what hapieneI before you were brought here ?" Here is an exact transcript of my reci tal as 1 told it to Dr. Bertram, and later to the magistrate : You know my passion for natural his tory ? Well scarcely a week passes that I do not go out into the country botaniz ing. That day 1 went t ijlavnevin. whereas you know, the marshy mead ows are rich in curious plants, infusoria and diatoms. I was returning, and was ahu.ist in Dublin with my box full of rare specimens, when I saw a little girl, certainly no more than five or six years old. who was also alone crying as if her little heart w ould break. I could see that the little one was lost. I spoke to her kindly, and by dint of promising her un limited bonlsins. got her to tell me that her name was Lizzie, and that she lived near Befesford plac?, in Lower Abbey street. I took her by the han. f and we soon started off talking together like old friends. I was received with transports by her mother. Never was gratitude expressed so heartily and pleasantly. "Oh, Mr. Furniss," said the mother, "you are the savior of my child. How nappy my husl.and will be to repeat my thanks to yon. Will you do us a great kindnes; w!l you honor our humble biard bMiinrrpw?" I thanked her for the invitation and promised to be on hand. At the appointed hour I was shown in to their modest parlor, and you may be sure the husband's gratitude was no less warmly expres--.! than the wife's. The dinner was a merry one. In brief I passed an excellent evening. The air had lieen heavy the w hole day and in the evening a storm come on. I was about to start for home, however, for i it was late and my house was at some distam-e, but they insisted that I should 9 ay. It would be foolish to expose my self to such a tempest when I was not feeling well ; the mother begged me with such a good grace that I felt forced to re- mam and pass the night in that hospita ble house. They ceremoniously conduc ted me to my room and there w ished me giMMt-night. I felt as if I siiould smother in the close atmosphere of the room. I wanted to inhale a little of the outside air, and in spite of the roaring storm I tried hard to open the window. It was a false win dow ! I thought I would remove the chimney screen ; it was a false chimney ! I rushed to th" door; it was locked ! Fear seized me, and holding my breath. I li.-tened. The house was quiet ; all seemed to lie asleep. Then I inspected the room can-- ! fully, straining my ears for the least sound. On the floor, near the bed, I . . i.i i ,i.i .. i ' lM..,r-i . , , a,,.- , "...c. all. blackened hl.vxl ; I shuddered, and a mid sweat t.l on my forehead. Blond! whv should there be blood there? And I saw that a whole sea of blood must have la-en spilt there, for a large space around the the hard wooden floor had been freshly at-mlitied and scrared. All at once I .ried out. Under the bed I had seen a man, streetched out, motionless as an overturned statute. With trem bling hands I touched the man. He did not move. With trembl ng hands I seiz ed the man by the feet and drew him forth ; he was dead ! His neck had been cleanly cut, as with one mt of a razor, and the head held to the tmnk by a slen der ligament. I thought I should go mad. But some thing must ! .1 me the assassin might corneal any moment, x raise., tne rxs.y to place it on the bed. I made a false step and the livid head turned, swung to I and fro for a moment like a hideous pen dulum, and tlien detached from the trunk, fell on the Honrwith a dull sound. With gnt dirti. ulty I introduced the de capitated trunk U'tween the sheets. I picked up th.! head and placed it on a pillow, like that of a sleeping man, and having blow n out the candle, I slipped under the b s. . I remained there in that awful tear minutes, hours, months, years, centuries I do not know how long. The door opened a man stepped in j with gliding trend, with infinite precau tions to avoid tr aching any of the fnrni tun:. It seemed to me as if I could see the cruel, clutching fingers gliding over ' my clothes, searching my pocket. Then the steps came nearer, "veraed to graze ' me. I felt that the man wa bending ! over the bed. Thn he struck on fien-e ; blow. Then I knew r.othing mere. ' TVpen I recovered Cincimn. -w th ! mont h.id become sUe-it ng-.in i S-s-M-' ed to c-K-ai On l:i foe t grin li e j dmr, which bad --t kin ! '. ei j ing my way, I pulsed into t!i h.ill. I I descended the stairs drew the boitof ihe door, ami, haf kinting. with th biood frozen in my veins. I fell Into the gutter of the deserted street. Dr. Bertram had listened to my recital with the deepest interest. "And there I found you, Mr. Furniss, and in what state ! Couid yo-l recouixe the house ? " " Yes," I replied. Eight days later the doctor and I stood ' in Lower Abbey street. I reevn;ied the terrible house. All the blinds were , , . . i drawn; in front of the d.mr . placard j . . . ', ! placed, Hearing tue h-gja..;: " To j t.j - : , j,,,,,,:! of ,tie fnr..T resident from a, ni-'blsr. They have been gone a month and more." she replied. " it's a great pity, foi th' y were very nice people." Ciearly Identifying Himself. They were talking about the cheek of tramps the other. lay, w hen a Woodward avenue merchant said : " Two or three weeks ago a tramp came in and struck me for a quarter. Two (h.ys later be camw in airtin. In two weeks he called on me five times, g. t- I J ting something each time. I tiuailv turn , ! ed to and gae him an awful blssting. ' He li-tened to me quirt !v and respect fully, and finally said : " My excuse is that I served my coun try. You a soldier bah!" "But I was, sir. They have got me in the painting of the Battle of At lanta." i don't believe it." "ii you'll take me in there I'll point myself out to you. If you don't see me represented there yoij may kick me." " Well," said the merchant. "I took him at his word and went over to the panorama with hi:n. He didn't hesi tate at all, but walking to the front and (minting to the railroad gap, he said : "There I am, sir." "Where?" "Just lo the right of that old dead horse." " But that man is dead." "Yes, sir. That is the battle I was killed in." Burdette on Trunk-Smashing. The life of a joke is long, and the art of getting to Canada safely is fli- ting, hut all the days of the trunk are numbered. The fragile pitcher that goeth often to the fountain is broken at last, but the iron-liound trunk, w ith sole-leather sides and rilisofoak, get Isith ends raved in on the first trip. The art of trunk mak ing and trunk smashing is coeval. When the first trunk was made, the same rec ords tell us tliat the first trunk was smashed. And since that far-away day, ages back in the mist v past, the history ! ..rin.L it i. i . . i un.niiiKiiii.1 niiiur.il. iijc lllut gone hand in hand ; it has lieen written in inter-leaved volumes. ."Children of men," exclaimed Ben Solent her Chilled Steel, "I have made a trunk that will laugh to scorn the gnawing tooth of time." "Oh, race of mortals." cried Siva the Destroyer, "I have perfected a maul with a four-foot handle that will break hrongh the rock-ribbed -..rth !" From the mntil, assisted by Mr. Darwin and other eminent evolution fakirs, the De stroyer evolved the Baggage-sm isher, a tosh between a Steam-hammer and a Stnmp Extractor. From that time two great problems have engaged the brain and muscles of mankind. The one, to produce an indestructible trunk ; the other to evolve a force that will make Kindling wood of the indestructible ; to construct that which shall be all-resistant, and to evolve that which shall lie ir resistible. No Living by Crops Alone. He is n it the best farmer who re-alines tiie most money from a given numlier of acres, but he who, while pnslucing the largest cp.ps possible with facilities at hand' does not fail to keep everything trim and attractive, the house and ground in order, fences in good condition 'those around the house painted or whitewashed,) the yard covered vith turf, dotted with tree, and shrnibery; the buck yar-1 as neat as front, not a single corner for rubbish ; the kitchen garden free from weeds and full of every vegeta ble in its season. In the household everything ran be in place; no loose Imard and litter a I in t the yard, no holes of dirty water no implements wasting in the weather. A g-a-l farmer will b ambitious to have a gissl rul hy his premises ; even gratis lalsir will h given to this end. In many places trees will lie planted along the way. and neatly trimmed hedges take place of unsightly zigzag fences. The roadside wilt Is? mowed in proier season, thus destroying wee.U and keeping along the- Is.rler a plot of nice green gr.i.. Thus in every thing pert lining to the farm the farmer will not only k"ep Ufor his mind the profit to be derived, but will often he content with less money in order that the love for the bntifi! may lie cultivate.! and the highest type of manhood developed by the i.le of great crops of grain and herds of fine sf.sk. The Funniest Kiss. The kiss that iswitnrssed byan unseen olwrver thruigh an uncurtained win dow Is Ihe funniest kiss in the business. It is a kiss w hich sticks iu the memory oftlieman who witness.-, the pcrform aiwe above all other kisses except th..' rare ard racy osculnti. ns in nl.ih he himself figured as the party of the first part. Of course, th.-e m re different, and he would naturally be expected to remember them. The r. rity of the kiss es caught on the fly through uncurtained windows renders th em excee.'in.ly valu able. The average young man w ho set out to kiss his way into the bosom of someriody else's family pulls down the rurtains and turns down the gas, bnt there are occasional exceptions in which the young people seem to lose their pres ence of mind and forget everything ex cept the unfinished business which was laid over from the last meeting. In such cases evervls.lv in town is certain to bT p;,.,.,,,, w-x1tA, just . th (.ri niofm,nt anmnM.uim f,lTUW nA l.,ng on the topmost wave of popularity without lieing aware of the fact. And everybody who passes that window stops as suddenly aud nn mistakably as though petrified. Yoe couldn't get a man away from in front of that window where there was any kiss ing going on if you were to explode a dynamite boom under his feet. " HACKMETACK," a lasting and fra grant perfume. Price 25 and 50 cents Sold by Geo. W. Benford 4 Son. What is the difference between a Jew and a lawyer? The one gets his law from the prophets and the other gets his profits from the law.