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lllC Somerset Herald j
I
a
jVrnis of Publication.
t every cloeataj e-
U ,1J is adraae ; aUiar. M M
,lrriplioB
will to dia-aai-auad maUl U
1 lie
r paid "P- rosuaairs a.aCTin
... at "O" ' ,
II ' . ... . - . I
will b woeaus. -1
omer
set
7
Hera
d
The Stjle She Wanted.
s-f..-J'
in reav-lnf
s U I'
wcOn M aa-
o th. sraar M
.C&ca. Aadrasa
The Somerset HeraM,
Somerset, Fa.
ESTA BLISHED, 1827.
VOL. XXXII. NO. 31.
SOMfiltSKT. PA., WEDNESDAY. JANUARY Iti, 1S84.
WHOLE NO. 1696.
vUXtK.
Airi i..m
AT LAW.
buaitnel, Pa.
1
-"ED. W. F.IErMXKER,
ATTok.Ni.YaT L W.
Krtncrset Pa.
i Lj -s:a:n l t'ook a. Beerita' teucn.
OilN R. SCOTT,
ATTuKNtY-AT-LAW.
Somerset, Pa.
Ix
J
II.'
,,:. e il scull.
ATTOK.NLY-AT LAW,
SuBtWt Pa.
KOOSER.
ATTUKNEYATLAW,
Somerset, Pa.
ATTUKN EY-AT LAW,
Somerset, P
BARGAINS !
In House-Furnishing Goods We Offer:
THE VIOLIN.
TRENT.
ATTOKNEY-AT-LAW,
Somerset, Pens'.
ii.1
SCI' IX.
ATTUllNEY-ATLAW,
Somerset, Pa.
RAER.
AT 1 Ol.N EY-AT LA W,
Somerset, Pi-,
- I ..-acticr In Somerset and ad .olnltia Counties.
A; 'Mir;i,ei.s entrusted to him will e i-romptlj
.ki: 'Til.
W. H. KlTrEL.
.TROTH A- RITPEL.
ATTOKNEY5 AT -LAW.
Coal Vase?,
Cake Roxfs,
Tea Tray p.
Cliatiib r Pails,
Cojjcr Ware,
Miticing Knivf?,
Revclvinp Graters,
Ciflee Mills,
Nut Crackers,
U'afHe Irons,
L:iniDS. (AW Kinds,)
Clothes Wrineers,
Enanifled Ware,
Queen Oil Cans,
Bread Boxes,
Cash Boxen,
Toilet i?et,
E'g Beaters,
Slaw Cutters,
Budding Molds,
Lemon Squeezers,
Can Openers,
Apple Barers,
Mrs. Potts' Irons,
Bread Toasters.,
Towel Rolllers,
Steak Bounders,
Pocket Stoves,
Farina Boilers.
Knife Trays,
AND HUNDREDS OF
Fine Carvintr Sets,
Kniven and Forks,
Fine PlutrJ Ware,
Cake Beaters,
Ejik Pake Molds,
Spice Boxes,
Lanterns,
Oil Stoves,
Tea Canisters,
Granite Ware,
Wire Broilers,
Cuspadores,
Dust Brushes,
Rolling Pins,
OTHER ARTICLES.
In connection with tin aiiore- o oflVr tlie I-artrrst and Finest Assortment of HANGES,
tXKiKINO and HKATlMi tfTOVW over shown in JohuMown.
Siwiiil allcntiiin 'iiid lo Jul binp in Tin, CaWwt irMl Ircn and Plirct Iron. Snj.-ar Tans,
Memii i'nw. Hol-air I'le". K'Nifiu. &iKiiinni Slacks fur Ki'ines, and all work jHTtuiiiiiij?
t' llur riiriiHccs. KMinm'o pvm ntk dune lv tiit-'lHs nipcliiinio onlv.
IIAV i;i(K, o. 2SO !HibiiiKtoii Mreel Johnctowii. I Vim "a
will be
K -Ui
.t-ln'St en rosrM in ineir care
lV itt 1 puw!ullv uttemted lo.
,ii. Mln Cn trcei, opiolte tbe
c.,;b Hu'k.
1 J.t'
iKS.
L. C. COLBORX
n 1LF.0RN & OUBORN.
j ATTOKXEYS AT-LAW
i0.xfFliiieJo oar care will he firnmpt-
' atten tui to.OUeoilu. ramie In Sum
'. " !" ami a)ilnin Ciiunnea. Surrey
U, 'fcv'raucliiB doue un reasonable terrna.
II 1.1AM II. KOOXTZ.
ATTOKXEY-AT LAW,
Son-erML, Pa.,
! s'n prompt attention to bnrtneM entrart
),'w'Te m t-.iim-rBet nJ adjoining euuntlea.
,'-x f-::.tlug House Row.
FASHIONABLE
CUTTER & TAILOE,
ft f-T'V r Hvir.(thaJmany
1 4 ' sf'-- V veitri eiierieni-e
tTJ ' v "Va ail tiranciien ol
W.T,io TaH..r.D. Una
'A:- v -an i?-r -vi ' atwtattiwn to all
H wliu mity call up
- on me and tart
a. me with tbelr pat-
-WiTV (AT Yours, fce.,
UM. M. IIOC'IISTKIXKR,
Somernel, Iia-
i. il.. V M O ...
ALBERT A. HoilKK.
J. Sc ITT WaDD"
I D
MEYERS.
ATTOKX EY-AT-LA W.
Nom,T"set. Penn'R
t uinef entrntel to hiere will be
nli pntr pi Tie and nd-lity.
Mammoth lilock next d(r to Boyd's
J
MES L. PIT. II,
ATTOKXEY-AT LAW,
Somerset. Pa.
Mammoth Hkvk. up stairs. Entrance,
v t' i street. VilleMions made, estates
r ' , titles examined, and all lel bnsiness
i t ii :e.: to aitli prompttiess and fidelity.
HOME & WARD,
scccasaoaa to
OLD 11ELIAM.E
SABDLEEY & HARNESS SIP
(O1T0SITE THK GI.AItK HOl'ssE,)
MAIN CROSS ST.
SOMERSET, I'A.
I keei cocftantly on hand a lartre assortment of
HACNESS,
I!K1ILES,
COLLARS,
nUSTEKS, ROBES,
And
ercrjthfnft upuslly found In
HAtXl-SS SHOP.
SALDLLS,
BRUSHES,
WHIPS,
BLANKETS,
a First-cUss
31. J
J'"X
KIM MEL.
ATTORNEY -AT-LAW,
Somerset, Pa.
PRITTS.
ATTORNEY-AT LAW,
Somerset, Pa.
Ire. lip-stairs !n Mauimotb Block.
0. K I MM EL.
ATTORN EY-AT LAW,
Somerset, Pa.
i; mend to all Imslness entrusted t his eare
,ar-ei nd adftnina counties with prompt
an 1 mteiliy. Oflic on Main CToea street.
II
ENRY F. SC1I ELL.
ATTOKNEY-AT LAW,
Agent, Somerset,
Kiurtr srd Perston
( t in Mammotn Black
Pa
V
AI.EXTIXE HAY.
ATTORXEY-AT LA W
.,,..! Il-Tln Real Estate Somerset. P
. ui in .11 iinslnefs entrusted to his care
. r :t.-f soil ndety
will
with
T01JX
II.IHL.
ATTURX EY-AT LAW
twu-trset. Pa,
Vj!"pr..mptiT attend to all bnslress entrusted
T. t in Moner advanced on collections, c. Ot
' u. Vikiumoth Building.
.1.
G
OGLE.
ATTt iRN EY-AT-LA W.
Somerset Pa.,
IV te-slnrsl business entrusted to ntj cre at
trr iteii to with pn.ptness acd tdellly.-
J-AAC
sj r:
I r nd.'
HEGI'S.
ATTORNEY-
AT -I. AW.
SomcrseL, Penn'a.
S. KIM MEL
rs h f nroe1on.'' setire to the cltl-
. t i. nirr- .pit li-lDttr. I UH-SS proiejsion-
i sr f rn I t' uad at lii ullice, on Main
.if. ol the l'latnond.
EATON & BROS,
0. 27 FIFTH AVENUE,
PITTSBURGH, PA.
KPRIaNTGr, 1882.
NEW GOODS
itrbreitierles, Laces, Mdlinary, White Goedt, hand
kerchiefs, Dtess Tririr.lsgs, HoiifT, Gloves,
Corsets, Wuslis led Wer!re Undensear, In
fants' and Children's Clothing. Fancy
Geodj, Yin, Zeltyri, Wit
rials cf All Kinds for
FANCY WORK,
Gents' FnnifcMEi GcoSs, k, k.
rcrsriT xoniai t aaar acTrcxLT aoLicaj
i-ORDi:BSBY MAIL A TTE DF 0 TO niru
A HE AMI DISPATCH. art
a Set
IlHriie from SIO.OO
I'pMardit.
?V IlErAUUSC A SPECIALTY -
Sclttfactiom juartntted in tvrrf intlance.
njv7-5tu.
Jrcmiali Woy,
PROPRIETOR.
TUTT'S
PILLS
ESTABLISHED 1SS0.
Fisher's Book Store.
in .fork t the B-ok Store a well se
lerted assortirert of Bltdrs. Testaments. ospel i
Hvnins. Orlsti.ns' Hvmn Boi-as and nymnais,
Luthemn Hvnin Books I'lcMoraries. Alt.utns.
Per Inks P)rs. Envelops MsersTlres Nov.
fls. Keviews. Hlsnk K"oks Iieei's Bonds. Mort
gage and all kinds ot L 1 Blanks,
TORPID BOWELS,
DISORDERED LIVER,
and MALARIA.
Jrom tliosu miuix-t-s unsc llitoe-fourtha o
ti.e lut'4t.sca ol lljo l.uuian i-ace. llu vo
eyiiiiitiin,i!iiluat; Ibcirrxwteiict:: o. ol
Airtit-. Hvurl. tu.tlvr. Ptirlc lle.d
ia.i laailura. alter eating, aversion lo
exertion of body or wind. lXietatiou
of load, iri liability wt- temper, Low
aptrit., A Ireliua; stf havisc ateclectrd
me dm jr. Diulmu, I'lntiertnc at the
Urart, Isota Ssrlore the ee.. ttigiily col
ored t ri.ae, .!TIPATlli, and lr
manJ the use of tt remcty that arUKlirorilr
on tbo Liver. AaaLivurmfHlicine Tl'TT'S
I'll.l.S liuvo no v.jual. Tneir action on the
Kidney imil Skin isalsi prompt; removing
nil impurities Uirouuu tlit-ae lure aeav
ft'r of the system," protlncina: eppe
tite.Miuml iliifosilon, regular .tools, a clear
akinautl a vigorous bodv . TCTT'S PI I.I.!
crius no nsu-K-a or P' lplt nor Interfere,
Willi dnllr work ami ai pt-rfect
ANTIDOTE TO MALARIA.
nn rcr.i s i.ihi: a m.w mats.
"1 bjivo bail IfyspepsiM, with Constipa
tion. two years, and rnv- tril ten cliffrri-nt
k;n.ls of pills, and TI'TT'S ar" the first
that hnvc done rue nnv good. Thi y bave
cleant-d mo out nicolv. My appttite is
hpli-uilid, f Hl lifeau rcadilv, and I now
liuve nuturul paaiaL-rs. I foi I liks a new
iu:m. W. 1). EDWARDS, Palmyra, O.
o! .iptxirrln rf.arw-. (iffi --.44 MurrnvS..N.T.
TUTT'S HAIR DYE.
liuAT Hair on WitisKi tts changed in-.t.-int-y
to n .Upt IILai K bv a single ai
pli'iitlo'i of tins DTE. sold W DrugUl'j,
i -., iit by xiu-'S r.ii r d ipt ".! & I.
in'ui-,41 Mm av Stn- t, New Yurie.
UTTS MANUAL CF USEFUL RECEIPTS FREF
h, fair to se!
Fashioned in witchery !
With purified curves outlining
Thine airy form, soft, shinine,
In mould like ripening maiden.
Budding and beauty-laden ;
Thou'rt naught but wood and string.
Crowned with a carved scroll.
Yet when we hear thee sing
Wc deem thou hast a soul.
In some old tree
Was born thy melody
Its boufths with breezes playing
Its trunk to tempest swaying,
Carol of wild birds singing.
The woodman's axe loud ringing;
Lijjht arch of forest limb
Curving thine every line,
Tones of the forest hymn
Grown ripe in thee like wine.
Lightly the bow,
As if with life aglow,
Thy mystic grace revealing.
Shall sot the witches dancing ;
With classic notes entrancing.
Touch deepot chords of feeling,
Thy secret caves resound
As where enchanting elves,
Flinging the echoes 'round.
lUithly disHrt theuiselve.i.
How wild thy glee !
How sweet thy harmony!
Murmur of light heart dreaming,
Voice of the valkyr screaming,
Song of the cascade's da-shings,
lance of auroral (lashings!
O weird and wondrous thing,
Wliate'crthy mood of art.
To wail or laugh or iing
Thou urt monarch of the heart.
After ayear'a probation I accora-1 fensj when no offense was intended.
1 ... 1 V 1 1 i,i nn ssrpral p rcn 1 i 1 1 rr-i a i hnoa ilan '
panied him on. several expeditions,
and had '.he happiness to believe
that I was of some little us to him.
I shot him eventually in the stom
ach, mistaking him furthe master of
' B - 1 S . .
a house into wnicn we were Lreakinr,
(I bad mislaid my dark lantern)
and he died on the grand piano.
His dying: wish was that his com
pliments be conveyed to me.
I now set up on my own account.
,i and engaged his poor old clerk, who
t nearly broke bis heart at his late
master s lunerai. oioneieign lettno
family. Hi3 money, about $12,000,
invested for the most art in Ameri
can railways, he left to the Society
of Iioviding More Bishops, and his
ledgers, daybooks, memoranda and
papsrs generally, he bequeathed to
me. I !
As the chambers required furnish
ing, 1 lost no time in commencing
my jrofessional duties. I looked
through his books for a suitable
house to begin upon and found the
following attrnctive entry:
Thurltiw Square No. 102.
House Medium.
Occupant John Davis, bachelor.
Occcpation Designer of Dados.
Age--SfJ.
Physical Peculiarities very fee
ble ; eccentric ; drinks ; Evangelical ;
snores.
Servants Two housemaids, cne
conk, i
Sex all female.
Particulars of servants Pretty house
maid called Kachel, Jewess; open
THK BlUtiliAIiSSTOKY.
BY WILLIAM S. GILBERT.
When I became einliteen v;ars of
age my lather, a distinguished beg
ging letter imposter, said to me:
"Reginald, I think it in time that you
liegiu to think about cho?ii g a pro
fession.' These were ominous words. Since
I 1. it Eton, nearly a year before, I
had spent my time very tdeisantiy
and very idly, and I was sorry to
see my long holiday drawing to a
close. My father had hoped to send
me to Cambridge, (Catubridire was a
tradition in our family.) but busi
ness had been very depressed ot late
and a sentence of six months' hard
labor had considerably straightened
my poor father's resources.
It was necessary, highly necessary,
that I should chose a calling atonce.
With a sigh of resignation I admitted
as much.
4lf you like, said my father, 'I will
take you in hand and teach you my
profession, and in a few years I may
take you into partnership; but, to
be candid with you, I doubt wheth
er it is a satisfactory calling for an
athletic fellow like you.'
"I don't seem to care about it par
ticularly,' said I.
Tin glad to hear it,' said my fath
er, 'it's a poor calling for a young
man of spirit. Resides you have to
grow gray in the service before peo
ple will listen to you. its all verv
to attentions; goes out for beer at
9 p. ni.- snores. Ugly housemaid
Called UeMa; Presbyterian; open
to attentions ; snores. Elderly
cook Primitive Methodist; open
to attentions ; snores.
Fastening! Chubb's lock on street
door ; chain and bolts. Bars to
all basement windows. Practical
approach from third room, ground
lloor, which is shuttered and bar
red, but bar has no catch, and can
bt raised with table knife.
Valuable contents of House Pres
entation plate from grateful as
thets. Gld repeater. Mulready
envelope.. Two diamond rings.
Complete edition of '"Bradshaw,"
from 18.34 to present time, 58S vol
umes, bound, lip calf.
General M r. Davis sleeps on second
flour front j servants on third floor.
Davis gs jto bed at 10. No one
in baoemtDr. Swarms with bee
tles, otherwise excellent house for
purpose.
This germed to me to be a capital
house to tiy single handed. At 12
o'clock thav eery night I pocketed
two crow ha)?, bunch of skeleton
keys, a cent r' bit, a dark lantern, a
box of silent patches, some puttv,
a life preserwi" and a knife, and I set
off at once for Tburlow Square. I
remember thuJ it snowed heavily.
There wus at least a foot of snow on
the ground, and there was more to
come.
Poor Stoneleigh's particulars were
exact in everv detail. I got into the
third room on the-ground floor with
well as a refuga in old age, but aeut the least difficulty, and mademy
IT1 11
I 'i p. few!..
PiRFRAKER t. nders his
onnl sn-1res to the cl-ltens of Soro
t-et nd T-.rinltT Office In residence on msin
t'r-e; weFt of the Diamond.
DR. YVM. RAITIT tenders bis
j.roles? .al services to the cttliens of Som-e-w
and viclnl y ,
onreone door cast or Wayne k Berk.wle
tu-r."ure store.
Dre , M.
R. JOHN BILLS.
PKNTIST.
Iiit.k h. Bcerit.i Bljck. Somer-
D
I)!
' Ti-ej up stair
Pa.
iVi Tw.LLIAM COLLINS.
DENTIST. SOMERSET. PA.
i'f.i-lr M.tnmoth Bl k above B-y1 s Proa
S-. re where he can at sll times he f. un " prepar
e' t..in ll kinds ol wrk. eoel- ss Mlirit reu
I r-ntt. crtrarttns: fce Al-lnclsl tet th of .11 k'nds.
s-.! ot the !.est material Inserted, titrations
.irmntevl.
II.
HOWARD WYNNE. M. D.
Jo;;.Yroir.v. 'F.v.Y
Vpssvs o the Ve. lar '
STirlsrd rlu' 1 r-c'.i
v r. M.
A.
nn Tfcenat.
tl. ti-s. a. M. tc
Lu'ker a (irern I lock. VI -ain St.
J.
P. THOMPSON. M. D.
Sl'RUK.MN DENTIST.
Johnstown. P.
liss hsi a profession! 1 ert-erlenee ol more thsn
' -T tr Kiiiio TkrTH a SrectaLTT
I'tT r i n.s No. 'aln street (up s'.irsl oeer
t it K her's Hr.(ware Store It will be neoes-
art f,.r i-ersors w) o w.nt wora d' ne to
k i: e menis be f ore ha r.tt .
wake ea
rns J.
RUE M. HICKS,
JVSTICE OF THE PEACE,
Somerset, Penn"a.
TAMES O. KIERNAN". M. D. t
lers Ms p-oiessional services to tleeltlrer
ter
ms of
merset sr.! Tlrir.'T Been r louno si mr
rent lists' I er on Vain Street or at the
" ot I'r "erry Bruiaker.
Se;.t lwci
D
R.J. K. MILLER hns perma-
iiertlr located In Berlin f"T the prs'tlce ct
' rwteasloa. opposite Charlea Krissma
. store. apr. stA
D
IAMONI) HOTEL,
BOOKS OF POETRY
Bok of Traeet and Adventure. History Bio-irrspl-v
and E.tur.tlon.1 ork-. Tot Bt-ks f.ar '
rhl'd'-en. In fsct eee.v thins: u-nsl'y found in a !
well reealated bo-k store. Hesdjusrt rs for
school teachers and s-ho d books and school sup-
t.ies Chat. H. Fisher
i.wi a BeeriU hiock.
MM COUNTY BANK
(KSTAliLMIED 1M77.)
CE1ELES. J. EAEEISCN.
President
K.I PEITTS.
Cashier,
tVUectlons made In all parti of th.
Slates.
CHARGES MODERATE.
I'nited
PRIVATE SALE.
OF
Valuable Real Estate !
1'he undrrilancd willsell at priva'e sale the fol
Uwinir Ke.l I s:ate, situate in Al.eaheny loan-
It snip, Somerset ' -ounty. rt to wit :
I No 1 A aerain tract known as the "White
I ; Hor-e" tract, contatnina 3o acres, situate within
I two ndirs of the South Penn K. : a larxe stone
houFe and a H'""' ham on the premises, with the
liest o water; lis- acres clear: a aT"d era'ln
Uraa. This is a very desirable (arm. wrll cairula
te.l l.y lis lica'ion t'r hotel purfM'Scs. If not sold
as an en'trety, will tie svld lu parrels to suit
purchasers
No. a certain tract eontalnlt ( 110 acres, w 11
tlmliere'l wi' h pine. hrml,k and oak ,op ntna
Ian is ot Ahnttum ShUi-rand James H itllller.
Prices snd terms re.Minahie. ImnBe,ttate p'Sess
!u will lH-f(ivent tr.ict No 2. ind ol Xo. 1 tin th.
1st nf April. 1k4 i he undeislirtied run I ss
suited In iiersou, or by letter at Mt. Heal br P. O.
derl 4l. SAMl'EL W ALKEH
I
Parties wiMni to s-nd morer West can be ae
commodatrd lr dralt on Ne York in any sum.
Collections made with prompTcs I S. Bonos
bought an-1 s.ld Mobev and valuables secured
bvoneof 1ileiild"s celct.rated ales. with a Sr
Kent a Yale 3 0 00 1 m; lock
ACCOUNTS SOLICITED.
a-A 11 leiral holidays oteTTd
dec7
E
XECUTORS NOTICE.
STOYSTOWN. 1'F.NN'A.
TMs D4.pul.raDd well known house has lately
tc tu. .u bit and ready refctted with all new
'.dkrtol lurtilture. which has sn.de It a very
-l-sl le stoopir.a place tor the tmuellna public,
buiat le and roo- s ennot be rorpsed. .11 be-
tirst rlaas. with a lre put lie hall attached
ibt san-.. Also Urae and roowy stahllna.
1 irt class boardlnr e.a I had at the lowest poa-
t it prices, by tbe week, a.y or xoeal.
SAMUEL crsTEK. Prop.
ir.E.Cor. IHamncd
Stojsuiw ,Pa
CHARLES HOFFMAN.
MERCHANT TAILOR.
(Aoovs Heary licttlv-'a kiforr.)
UIEST CTTUS i0 UTEST rEICES.
WlSFtCTlCH GUARANTEED.
NEW GOOD !
0
For tie Fall aal Witter We
TOAV ls STOKE !
Cashmeres. Silk Flnlsbe.1 Suitings. Velv.t.
pncv Drrssio-ts Prints. Oirh ins. fhev
lots futton. Plaids. FUnneis Ltnseys.
t anton Elnnels. Ji-ana. Sattlnets,
Casimeres. xn1uroys. Hosiery,
Uloees. I'nderwear. Yarns,
Notions. Fancy thrds,
Neck-Wear.
A Full Line of Choice Croceries,
Tobacco and Cigars,
HARDWARE,
QUEENS WAltE,
BOOTH A- 1!0E$ IX GREAT VARIETY
HATS and CAPS.
A larart and varied assort rnent,
CLOTHING,
Estate of Phcbe Marshall dce'd. late of Stoystown
Borouah. Somerset t'o.. P..
Letters tcsatnt-ntary onthe ;'b.veette harlna;
been aranted to the understand by the p.per
authority, notice Is hereby a-it en to all ers.n in.
drhteil to sai l estate to'uake luime'lne pay
ment, and those hat Ins; claims airaln.t th. sne
will present them fluty authen'icated forsetrle
men: to he P.ieru ors at ttietdiice of Valennne
Hay Lso, . in Somese'. P on or before t ed
nes'lay. January v. 1-S4 wl:en am! a here they
will atirnd for said i urtH.se.
v M. S MOK1W.
JOSIAH KILLtK.
dee.la. 1M. Executort.
young fellow is likely to make but a
poor hand at it. Now, 1 should like
to consult your own tastes on so im
portant a matter as the choice of a
profession. What do you say ? The
army ?'
'No, I don't think I care much for
the army.'
'Forgery ? The bar ? Cornish
wrecking?'
'Father ' said I, 'I should like to
be a good forger, but I write such an
infernal hand.'
'A regular Eton hand,' said he.
'Not plastic enough for forgery, but
you could have a writing master.'
It's as much as I can do to forge
my own name. I don't believe I
should ever beableto forge anybody
else's with accuracy.'
Anybody else, you should say,
not "anybody else's." It's a dread
ful barbarism. Eton Englh.'
'No,' said I, '1 should never make
a fortune at it. As to wrecking you
know how sea sick I am.'
'You might get over that. Besides,
you would deal with wrecks ashore,
not on the sea.'
'Most nf it is done in small boats,
I'm told. A deal of small boat work
Xo. I won't be a w recker. I think I
should like to be a burglar.'
'1 es, said my father, considering
the subject, yes, its a fine manly
way into the dining room. 1 here
was the presentation plate, sure
enough about 8,000 ounces, as I
reckoned. I collected this and tied
it up so that I could carry it with
ease, and without attracting atten
tion. Just as I tininhed I heard a light
cough behind me. I turned and saw
a dear old silver haired gentleman
in a (Irwssirur gown standinz in trie
doorwav. The venerable gentleman
covered me with a revolver.
My first impulse was to rush at
and brain him with my life preserv
er. 'Don't you move,' said he, 'or jou
are a dead man.'
A rather silly remark to the effect
that if I did move it would rather
prove that I was a live man, occurred
to me, but I dismissed it at once as
unsuited to the business character of
the interview.
'You're a burglar,' said he.
'I have that honor.' said I, mak
ing for my pistol pocket
'Don't move,' said he. 'I have oft
en wished to have the pleasure of J
encouTiteriii": a bunrlar, in order t
FOR SALE!
fve-300 Cheap Farm In West Vlr-
Clfll a - ' tl-t-rr lartiii are liateo In I lie Mien
audoab Valley, latnons Inr heailbluines and pro
ductireness. " improved farms at S0 per
acre. Hare a tew lame trac s suitable lor colo
nies. For circulars Kitrina descrip Ion. location,
price, etc , address J II. BatSToa, Marilnshurg
W. Va. jant
"paTFSts
obtained, and all business In the V. S. Patent
iff cr, or In the Court attended to for K00ERATE
FEES.
We are opposite the T s. Psten Ofce. en
x.red In PATENT BUSINESS EXClUSIVEtV. and
ran obtain fiatcnis in less lime than Invse remote
from WASHINGTON.
w hen noile I or drawlntr Is sent w. advise as to
patent a hi I It 'ree o chsrsje; and e make K0
CHARGE UNLESS WE OBTAIN ?ATENT.
W e refer, here, to the Postmaster, the Sunt, of
the .Money ;srier Division, and to officials of tbe
t S. Patent itnce. For circular, advice, terms,
and reference to actual clients In your own State
or eounty, address
C. A. SNOW & CO..
Opcncite Plea tent ('dee,
Washlng-Uo, p V.
be able to test a favorite thenrr of
j mine a to how persons of that class
i should be dealt with. But vou
musn't uxsve.'
1 ratil I It A tKit T a-ia-kll I T Ita-a Vi 0 Y. T
profession, but it is dangerous, very !ln nla..t. Uim :f r
danuerous.' ! entlv with a due regard to mv own
'Just dangerous enough to beex-!gafev
citing, no more.' .,"... - , T t.t.
Well.' fai.1 mv father, 'ii vou've a ,. 1 nm"-'K l ,r' ta" 1'1ln''lJuu""
ta.-te for burolarv, I'll see what caai " , , e
be done' " j Jested when ycur experiment is tt
Mv dt ar fatlie-r was alwa riromi't 11,1 ,'1 .,, ,
B;ih",a,nnni,,k Th,t in,, Li "If you will obey me promptly
wrote to his old friend Ferdinand beat i,erlect liberty t leave Lager beer, which thirty years
;i:e nonse. latro was practically unknown in mis
'You will neither give me into country, is no made by 2,400 im
custody nor take any step to pursue ! mense establishments, with over
me?' " I $150,000,000 of capita! invested. The
"On my honor as a Desizner of! value f this nroduction each year
Sboes, then
I threw my shoes to him.
'Trousers.'
'Come, come, I say,' said I.
Bang ! The lobe of the other ea.
cameoff. With all his ecceatricity
the old gedtleman was true to his
word. lie had the trousers, and with
them my revolver which happened
to be in the right hand pocket.
'Now the rest of your drapery.'
I threw him the rest of my dra
pery. He tied up my clothes in the
table cloth, and telling me that he
would not detain me any longer
made for the door with the bundle
under his arm, talking te himself.
"Stop,' said I. What is to become
of me ?'
'Well, really, I hardly know,' said
he, slowly.
'You promised me my liberty,' I
said, pleadingly.
'Certainly,' said he. 'Don't let me
tree puss any further on your time.
You will find the street door open ;
or, if by force of habit you pre: fer the
window, you will have no difficulty
in clearing the area railing.'
'But I can't go like this! Won't
you give me something to put on?'
Can't I have my '
'No.' said he, 'nothing at all ; good
night.'
The quaint old man left the room
with my bundle. I went after him,
but I fouud that he had locked the
inner duor that led up stairs. The
position was really a difficult cne to
deal with. I couldn't possibly go
into the street as I was, and if I re
mained I should certainly be given
into cut-tody in the morning. For
some time I looked in vain for some
thing to cover myself with. The
hats and great coats were no doubt
in the inner hail ; at all events tiey
were not accessible under the circu in
stances. There was a carpet on the
floor, but it was fitted to the recesses
of the room, and moreover, a Lre,
heavy sideboard stood on it.
Then; were twelve chairs in the
room, ami it, was with no little pleas
ure that I found that on the buck of
each wus an antimacassar. Twelve
antimacassars of course would go a
good way toward covering a person,
and th.it was sourietbing soothing to
one placetl in my circumstances.
I did my best wkhthe antimacas
sars, but on reflecting I came to the
conclusion that they would not help
me very much. They certainly cov
ered me, but a gentleman walking
through South Kensington at 3 a.
m., dressed in nothing whatever but
antimacassars, with the snow two
feet deep on the ground, would be
sure to attract attention. I might
pretend I wa doiny it on a large
waner, but who would believe me?
I grew very cold,
I looked out of the window, and
presently 1 saw the null s eye ot a
policamau who was wearily plodding
through the snow. I lelt that my
only course was to surrender to
him.
'Policeman,' said I, through the
window, 'one word.'
'Yes, sir. What is it? Anything
wrong ?'
'I have been committing a bur
glary in this house, and I shall feel
deeply obliged to you if you will
kindly take me into custody.'
'Nonsense, sir, said he, "you'd bet
ter go to bed.'
'There's nothinsr I should like bet
ter, but I live in Lincoln's Inn, and
I have nothing on me but antiniac-
as!.;rs, 1 am almost irozen. rrav
take me into custody.'
'I see that your street door i
open.' he remarked.
'Yes,' said I. 'Please come in, as I
want to speak to you.
He came in. I explained the cir
cumstances to him, and with great
difficulty I convinced him that I was
in earnest. The good fellow put his
own great coat over me, and lent me
his own handcuffs. In ten minutes
I was thawing myself in Walton
stieet Police Station. In ten davs I
was convicted at the Old Bailey. In
ttn years I returned froua penal ser
vitude. I found that poor ld Mr. Davis
had g0ne to his long home in
Brompton cemetery.
Fcr many years I never passed
his house without a shudder at the
terrible hours I spent in it as his
guest I have often tried to forget
the incident I have just been relat
ing, and. for a long time, I tried in
vain. Perseverence, however, met
with its reward. I continued to try.
Gradually one detail after another
sli'iptd Irom my recollection, and
one lovely evening last May I found,
to mv intense delicht, that I had
'absolutely forgotten all about it.
Farmer and Tbe Tariff.
It is assumed by a great many
people in this country that agricul
tural products in thi? country are
not protected. This is a mistake, as
any one can ascertain by reference
to the tariff laws of the United States.
Another blunder is to suppose that
the farmers of the great northwest,
fearing no competion, boldly send
their grain to Europe and elsewhere,
and find outride of the limits of their
own country the great outlet for the
result of their industry. When the
Tariff Commission was receiving
testimony Mr. Charles S. Hill, Sta
tistician Department of State, Wash
ington, appeared before the Commit
tee in behalf of the Metropolitan In
dustrial League, New York and on
page 1090 of the Report of the Tariff
Commission, part 4, will be found
some very interesting facts as to the
aggregate value of our manufactur
ing and agricultural products, the
small percentage of such products
exported, and the large percentage
consumed at home.
He stated, " In examining item by
item, however, of eur products, as
given by the Agricultural Depart
ment, the sum of the yearly yield of
such products amounts to about
S7,5(X),000,000. The eminent Com
missioner of Agriculture places
the total value at 60,000,000,000."
These figures, representing the
value of our agricultural products,
are so enormous as to startle us.
Now, where is the market for this
vast production r ine market is
mainly at home.
Mr. HillBtated further, "Of our
agricultural products, $7,o 10,000,000,
exactly i)2 per cent, is consumed at
home, and onlv 5 per cent, is ex
ported, namely', SGO0,0Xt,0O0." As
these figures were named by a Gov
ernment statistician to the Tariff
Commission engaged in obtaining
evidence to assist them in formula
ting a new scale of customs duties,
it is safe to accept them as being
about as neiirl.y correct as they can
be obtained. From this we learn
that the farmers sell eight dollars'
worth abroad to every ninety-two
dollars' worth sold at home. The
value of the home market to the far
mer can surely be understood by
any one from these statistics. The
ability of the people of the United
States to consume this large propor
tion of the agricultural products of
our great country is a subject that
should claim close attention at the
hands of farmers and planters, and
they should be especially careful to
immediate
them are in many casea of so little
moment as to be almost valueless,
e. g., 'wheat flour for fiscal year
ended June SO, 1SS1, 430 barrels,
valued at $2,502, duty at 20 percent,
yielded $512. $512 is not a large
revenue from wheat flour, so clearly
the 20 per cent, was imposed for
protection. Whether our farmers
require this protection on wheat iiour
just now or not, is immaterial. There
is the fact. The duty on rice, clean
ed rice, for example, produced a
large sum far .'the same period, say
$l,047,i01. The duty, 2 cents per
pound, gives a large ad valorum rate
over 100 per cent, the value being
$095,098, and the duty being 51,047,
961. That the duty on rice was adjust
ed fer protection as well as revenue
I am very sure, having on more than
one occasion been present when rice
grtiwers urged to have protective
duties maintained at high figures.
In summing up this communica
tion, let us earnestly ask of our fel-low-cit'zens
who desire to get at facts
bearing on the tariff question to re
mem Der these points:
Firt, The great importance of the
home market to the agricultural in
dustry of this country ninety-two
per cent, consumed here, eight per,
cent, exported.
Second, That agricultural products
are protected, and form a separate
schedule in the dutiable list of our
tariff laws, viz : schedule G.
A. II. J.
They climbed down out of lum
' ber wagen in front of a phottgraph
! er's and after he bad hitched th
j horses and she had brushed the
j dust off hia overcoat they wlked up
, stairs.
. "Sho wanU her foUrgrat" U-ok."
"ii cu i Lie man to me ai.enu
ant "IIow many?"
"Well, I reckon we.kin use up five
or sLx."
"What style and price?"
The woman pulled a parcel from
her pocket and carefully unwrapping
it and revealed a cabinet photo of
Mary Anderson.
"1 want jist sich a pictur' as that,"
she explained.
"You mean the same size?"
"No, sir; I want it finished off to
look just as good as she does. Copy
that just as closely as you can."
The attendant had some explana
tion to make in regard to photo
graphy, and these explanations dis
turbed the couple very much.
" Will you guarantee te make her
look as good as the pictur'?' asked
the husband.
He couldn't
"Then we don't trade ! We want
what we want, or we don't
Come, mother."
"But is seems as if you could if
we paid for it." She pleaded with
the attendant
He was firm.
"All right then," she announced,
as she pulled on hergleves. "I told
him in the first place it was better
to pay two shilings apiece for these
photographs and write my name
on 'em, but it was a rainy day and
he'd just as lief hang around the city
for half a day. Sorry we can't trade.
j but that photograph is me just the
same.
pay.
The Farm.
thenvise
matter.
XOTTOOMl'CH HAY.
The cow must be well fed. It is
not enough to feed a cow all the hay
she can eat. Generally it is not ad
visable to feed a milch cow or. all
the hay she can eat. Hay is difficu t
to digest, and if as much is fed at a
cow can eat the digestive organs will
be burdened to such an extent that
the animal cannot digest enough
nutriment to enable her to vield as
large a flow of milk as she
could. In regard to thi
Prof. L. D. Arnold says :
Ihe slow and lmiitrtect manner
in which common hay digests is n
objection to using it to the extent
manv dairymen do as the main food
for the dairy. It is often the boast
that cows should have all the hay
they can eat, and it is a boast that
does not speak well for the largest
returns, nay win not aiiow ot me
best returns in rrilk production.
Dried grass will do very well ; but
common hay would require an
amount burdensome for a cow to
The Mormon Country.
Stoneleigh. a burglar of the very
bight st professional standing, and
in a week I was duly and furnially
articled to him, with a view to ulti
mate partership if I was at all suc
cessful. I had to work hard under Mr.
Stoneleigh.
'Burglary is a jealous mistress,'
said be. 'She will tolerate no rivals.
She exacts the undivided attention
cf her worshipers.'
And so I found it. Every room
ing at 10 o'clock I had to present j T
mt'GCilf ut Qt tr lijInVi 'a a m raa in 1
tercsts are interwoven with the pow- 'carry, an amount bevond the capac
of those engaged ltv ol ner stomach, to jieiu the ma
terial for a good Uow oi milK with
out drawing on ber store of flesh to
produce it. The more I study the
food of milch cows, the more I am
inclined to limit the quantity of Lav
.to the smallest amount which will
afford a comfortable distention of the
stomach and make up the rest of the
ration with food richer and more
rapidly digested. It is the best way
to get large and paving returns.'
It is not advisable to give a cow
all the hay she can eat even when
she is fed with grain to a considera
ble extent bhe will take in mere
food than her digestive orsans can
properly digest and a partion will
be wasted. By feeding only enough
hay to produce a eotnfortoble i?ten
tion of the digestive organs, the re
maining digestive power can be ex
pended on more easily digested food
and thus enable the cow to yield h
larger flow of milk. If the hay used
is early cut or dried grass, it will be
permissible to feed it more freely
than late cut hay.
THE POULTRY.
For the next four months poultry
will not pay the rent f their roosts.
unless they have clean, warm, and
light quarters, together with good
nourishing food, which phould be
fed regularly. Avoid by all meann
a sameness in their tood. Fowls,
like persons, enjoy a change in their
diet. Let it be at one time corn, at
another oats or barley. Give them
meat scraps, gren food, etc., and as
the cold weather comes ou let them
have a a good warm breakfast of
er of consumption
in other industrial pursuits
The Chief of the Bureau of Statis
tics, in his annual statements on the
commerce and navigation of the
United States for the fiscal year
enuru June ou, issti, gives :n- yai
tie of exports of products of domes
tic agriculture as SWJ,010,y.b (pp.
xiv.) Mr. S. Corning Judd stated
the figures for 1SS0 a 80.S6.00O.00O
and for 1SS1 as 8730.000,000 in his
evidence before the Tariff Commis
sion ( pp. 1030 part 3). Referring to
the position of the farmer Mr. Judd
gives figures to show how much is
exported, 'out omits to tell how im
mensely much more is consumed at
home. $000,000,000 exported is a
large amount; $0.1KA,-00.00') con
sumed at home is a very much
larger.
j The absence of protection to the
1 farmer is alluded to so frequently
that it is quite likely some people
really believe agricultural products
are on the free list. It is quite a
mistake to suppose that the farmers
are not protected. S. Corning Judd
et al., a subcommittee of the Iro
quois Club, of Chicago, in a state
ment made to the Tariff Commis
sion, said (Reports part 2, pp. 1030':
"In the Ix)ndon and Liverpool
markets the farmer and farm labor
er, for whom we speak, without the
advantage of any tariff protection
i whatever, enters into competition
with the "fellahs" of Egypt, the
lowest caste of India, and the lately
enfranchised serfs of Rusia. He is
obliged to do this with the price of
all his farm machinery, with the
necessaries of life, and the transpor
tation to the seaboard ind across the
ocean enhanced by protective
duties."
Mr. Judd referred to the increase
in exports in agricultural products,
and seemed to regard an increased
home market as of but little conse
quence. The 8 percent, exported
looked so large, being hugged up so
K
XECUTORS NOTICE.
Estate of HenrvM- Baker, dee'd. late of Mil ford
township, Somerset County, Pa.
Letters testamentary oath. above estate hav.
ir been arrante to the nnderstcned, notice Is
hervbva;trra to all persons indebted to said estate
to make immediate payment, and those bavin;
claims aaabist the same will present them duly
authentic, ed l c a til'nv-nt, on Wednesday,
Jaiuary za, t-4. at thelaie residence ot said
deceased. - MES. SVSAR BAKFR.
decS. Executrix.
NalU.Olaat, Stova Pipe,
Tinware, Oils, Palnta,
prujs. Dyes, Salt,
Flour. Meal and Chop.
0
It will be our .. U, keen In atockj sverythln, ' LlXlTllXXi 1
- . . 11 .? 1Mb? I DIllLlI
aii 2ft rrtra. and we f-enn t. r n 1
BACKLOG f.?:
i.-iw i.u.o ul,. liainiina serie s, noriee. eh.de
in
New Square. Lincoln's Inn, and un
til 12 I assisted his clerk with tbe
correspondence. At 12 I had to go
out prospecting with Stoneleigh, and
from 2 to 4 I had to devote to finding
out oil particulars necessary to a
scientific burglary in any given
house.
At first I did this merely for prac
tice, and with no view of an actual
attempt He would tell me off to a
house of which he knew all the par
ticulars, and ordered me to ascertain
all about that house and its inmates
their comme and going, the num
ber of their servant", whether any
of them were men, and, if so, wheth
er they slept in the basement or net,
and other details necessary to be
known before a burglary could be
fafvly attempted.
Then he would compare my infor
Uados, "y!d he.
'Good,' said I. Go on,'
'Then stand up,' said he, 'and
stretch out your arms at right angles
to your body.'
'Suppose I don't,' said I.
'I'll send a bullet through your
left ear.'
'But permit me to observe ' said
of
a lo-sot produce taken in eicn.. -- ---. 10 ., - -.'a pr"iii-erelna-
ihe hl'-s. m.rae. price. r . .. i ,ra of ure nd for une lelllta cards. 1
.a 1 ....a, a. ..a a a. i .1 ty I. AT lit I Ir-r I 1" a ' 1 aamv r . J
in.. r - - Viha.i. ua-k -Hold tel.. at
.wHya i: "y.r;iV..: became a highly relished gentleman
r,::. $tj:xs:zi vzxn. r. v 5 -j ? school. ... was one of th.
"prc. u.ret.n,....r -otto. I.! ,.. watL w la.t men who habitually wore hes-
l CA?UiU,tllJO' r- BACKLOUPt"B.CO.,A.rttM. ,61D8"
vaaavtLLiLa, ra Oct.lO.l-eja.
Bang ! A ball cut off the lobe
my left ear.
The ear smarted and I should
liked toliave attended to it, but un
der the circumstances, I thought it
better to comply with the whimsical
old gentleman's wishes.
'Very good,' said he. 'Now, do as
I tell you. promptly and without
moment's delay, or I'll cut off the
lobe of your right ear. Throw me
that life preserver.'
'But'
'Ah, would you,' said he, cocking
the revolver.
The click decided me. Besides,
the old gentleman's eccentricity so
amused me, and I was curious to
see how far it would carry him. So
I hastily tossed my life preserver to
him. He caught it neatly.
'Now take off your coat and throw
it to me.'
1 took off mv coat and threw it to
mation with his own frets and eom-
" """ i....- , L. .1. ,
inL . ..h. u.i;.. Daekao.. coastal- Till rn rn l iir iiinmet nit, an i in it? ml net- i
,,.. -.- nv'i-ai " . a- , t ,. .
r"rVneAii-.rcard. i serve. He was a strict roaster, but across tnc twm.
rot tpnea ih and air. always kind, just and courteous, as! 'Now the waistcoat'
cants, 13 new trick In ,. ' , ,. , , i v ,i .i .
'Boots,' said he.
is over 8200,000,000.
Convincing.
The proof of the pudding is not in
chewing the string, but in having an
opportunity to test the articld direct
C N. Boyd, the Druggist, has a free
triai bottle of Dr. Bosanko's Cough
and Lung Syrup for each and every
one who is afflicted with Coughs,
Colds, Asthma, Consumption or any
Lung Affection.
Tbere have been 109 murders in
Leadville, Col., since its incorporation.
Discontent is the want of self-reliance;
it is tbe infirmity of will.
Emerson. Don't quite see it BO. A
man stuck in tbe mud may be very
discontented, and yet his potition
may be tbe result of too much self
reliance. There is an old lady living in
Portland, Me., who claims to have
played blind man's buff with Ralph
Waldo Emerson. That's just what
the great majority of bis readers
have been doing to this very day.
Oscar Wilde has written an ode to
the sun. That is the reason the sun
has been blushing so much recent-
closely, that the rz per cent, ctm
susned at home Ih hidden lrom sight.
He remarked : "An increased home
market does not seem, in the light of
this experiet ce in prices and the
growth of foreign demand, a neces-
ty for the farmer worth his paying
25 per cent, additional on all domes
tic goods by him purchased." He
referred to "the prices obtained by
the unprotected farmers of the north
west for great staples." On page
1030, part 3, report of Tariff Com
mission, Mr. Judd gives these fig
ures : 3,000.000 engaged in manu
facturing. 7,000,000 engaged in agri
culture, 3,000,000 engaged in profes
sional and personal service, and 1,
500,000 engaged in trade and trans
portation, and remarks: "Under
this most liberal estimate of those
employed in connection with pro
tected industries. 11,500,000 workers
are engaged in entirely unprotected
industries, against 3,000,000 who are
employed in those which are pro
tree ted'."
The laws of the United States show
te the contrary, and from them we
find that tbe agricultural classes are
protected and this we certainly
think is as it should be. Schedule
G of the Tariff act of March 3, 1883 is
devoted to provisions, and from this
schedule we make a few selections:
Wheat, 20 cent per bushel ; rye and
barley, 10 cents per bushel; Indian
corn er maize, 10 cents per bushel ;
wheat flour, 20 per ceat ad valorem;
rice, cleaned, 2 cents per pound ;
rice, uncleaned, H cents per pound.
The list includes beef and' pork,
hirus and bacon, cheese, butter.
laid, corn meal, oatmeal, rye, flour.
scalded cornrneal mixfd with any
or all of the above. They will show
their appreciation of the extra care
you give them in keeping them per
fectly healthy ; and, unless they are
a poor lot of fowls, you can reason
ably expect to find the rent of their
roots in the way of a liberal supply
of good fresh eggs regularly deposit
ed iu their res-ts.
Alt Imagination.
While I sat in a Mormon cottage
one day a little girl of thirteen years
tapped ne on the shoulder and
whispered, "I know how to make
mamma mad."
"How ?" I asked, seeing she had a
twinkle in her eye, and that she
wanted to tell.
" vVhy," she said, laughing, "by
saying, mamma, whose turn U it
now ?'
"What do you mean by that?'' I
asked the child.
She said, "why, you know papa
spends a week at each house, and
mamma watches and waits for her
turn. She always knows, or thinks
she does, whose turn it is, but she
don't like te tell. She don't want 19
think about the other wives."
' O, that's it, is it? How do you
like polygamy ?"
'"I don't like it," she replied.
"What are you going te do about
it when yon grow older?" I asked.
"1'iti K"H'g to be a Gentile and
chois- a husband who will love me
and no cne else,
tional response.
was the uncendi-
Senator Logan's New 11111.
Senator Logan has introduced a
bill granting eighty acres of public
land to any person who entered the
service of the country during the
late war, in tbe nrmy er navy, who
has been honorably discharged after
d period of service of less than one
year. If he served between one and
two years he is to be entitled to 120
acres of land. He has also offered a
bill directing the Secretary of the
Interior to place on the pension rolls
the names of such officers, soldiers,
sailors und marines who, while in
the United States service and in the
line of their duty, were taken pris
oners of war and confined in con
federate prisons between May 1,
LS61, and May 1, 1865. Those who
were prisoners from two to six
months are to receive a one-half
pension, frem six to twelve months
a three fourths pension, and one year
or longer a full pension. In addition
each surviving prisoner is to receive
two dollars a day for every day he
was confined. Such survivors as are
not drawir g pensions shall be enti
tled to such increase of their pen
sions as this act mav grant them.
Tired all Over.
an
a
Two young friends were playing a
friendly game of poker.
" See me for that," said Bill as he
laid down a half dollar.
Jim, who had run out of wealth,
said:
"Loan me half a dollar."
"Imagine it's down," said
Bill.
Bill won. and as be raked in the
pot, said :
" Now you ewe me half a dol
lar. - No I don't," replied Jim. "I'm
on the imagination racket now. You
toid me to imagine it was down, and
of course I now imagine it is
paid."
Then Bill imagined he could lick
Jim, and Jim imagined he couldn't
and then both imagined they heard
police coming and quietlv sepa
rated on the imaginary wings of
fear.
Deceiving the Horse.
I engaged," said a burly lawyer,
"a chaise at Gal way to conduct me
a few miles into tbe country, and
proceeded some distance when it
came to a sudden standstill at the
beginning of a rather eteep incline,
and the coach onan, leaping to tbe
ground, came to the door and
opened it
" What are you at man ? This is
not where I ordered you to stop !"
"Whist, yer honor, whist!" said
Paddy, in an undertone. " I'm only
desaving the sly baste, i 11
ste. ill just
bang the door, aid the crafty ould
ric Hour, hay, honey, hop", jKitatoes creature will think he's entirely got
vegetables, etc. lhese duties are rid of yer honor s splendid form.
Lime water, with a small quantity
They're shoes.' said I. in some! of acetic acid, is said to make a good imposed either for revenue or pro- and he 11 be at the top of the hill in
( trepidation lest he should take of-1 ink eraser. i tecUtn. The revenues derived lrom no time.
"Xo, it never amounted to
acute iam, but continued to b
lull wearv ache in the small of mv
back," writes Mr. James Thomas, of
o. b'J Madi3on Kreet, Memphis.
Tenn. "Tbi3 was an old experience.
and life became dull music. I was
tired all over, with pain in the lower
i nibs, and a habit of laving awake
of nights. Recently I tried one of
Ben sons Ca peine Porous Plastera and
wan decidelv relieved within twenty-
four hours. It may have been Prov
idence that did the work, but I give
the credit to Benson's porous plas
ter." Mr. Thomas' reverential idea
does him credit, but Providence
works by agents and among them
Benson's plaster ranks first as an
external remedy. It act ouicklv
in relief and healing, and renders
life better worth living. Price 25
cents. Look in in the middle of the
plaster for the word Capcine. Ask
your physician about it.
fceabury & Johnson, Chemists,
New York.
In a contest over a will a certain
witness was giving his evidence as
to the disposition of the testator.
"Was he a crofs man?' asked
the attorney. "Was he very cross ?'
" Well yes, rather, in places."
u How cross was he ? Give an ex
ample of his disposition."
"' Well, sir, he was that cross that
when he called up the cows at milk
ing time it made the milk sour.
" That's enough. Stand down."
Fvarjbowy Kbows It.
When you have the Itch, Salt
Rheum, Galls, or Skin Eruptions of
any kiud and the Piles, that you
know without being told of it, C. N.
Boyd, the Druggist, will sell you Dr.
Bosanko's Pile Remedy for 50 certs,
which affords immediate relief, and
is a sure cure for either of the above
diseases.
" Y'ou come here for money, sir,"
shrieked one lawyer to another in a
New York court To hear such a
truthful statement in a court room
caused a painful silence. The re
mark completely staggered the at
torney addressed.
Ayer's Hair Vigor improves the
beauty of the hair and pro
motes its growth. It imnarts an
attractive appearance, a delightful
and lasting perfume. While it stim
ulates the roots, cleanses the scalp,
and adds elegance and luxuriance,
its effects are enduring; and thus it
proves itself to be the best and
cheapest article for toilet use.
'My dear,' said a wife to her rich
but illiterate husband. 'I want five
hundred dollars. 'What fur?' he
inquired. Seal skin fur,' she said.
and she got it