I)
WHAT OOltra OF SWAPPIXG.
An old cloak is warmer than new
fashioned clothes ; one feels more
comfortable in an honest old blue
coat with a long tail than in the
silly things worn now-a-days noth
ing in front and nothing behind;
and one walks easier in old boots
than in new ones, especially if one
is troubled with corns; and every
body has corns in due time ; some
hurt here, others there.
So I think to-day, now I am old ;
but when a boy of twelve I was al
ways having something new. If I
got a new knife or new bow and
arrow I carried them about with me
two, three or four days, then left
them lying around or lost or swap
ied them and had something else
new ; and from curiosity I soon ac
quired a love of swapping, and from
tuis might easily have gone to some
thing wurse if our Lord had notcaus
td my old uncle to give me two
niart slaps at the right time.
Every bargain news two people,
one clever and one stupid. The
business may be bad for both ; the
clever fellow gradually becomes a
rascal, the stupid one a beggar.
Well, I must without knowing it
have learned a little toward the
latter side, for people have always
reckoned me ampng the stupid ones,
and when I look at the condition of
rny property I cant exactly contra
dict them. An my friend Land
lord Gollenrieder in" Trepton says,
"let it be as they like," I got the
plaps, and since in my native city
this was thought right I probably
deserved them.
"But the reason I got them is as
ibllows :
I had a wonderfully handsome
buck rabbit, Maltese with a white
face, and my best friend, FriU
Kitsch, wanted it Frit Ritsch and
I were always swapping and I had
received all sorts of fine things
from him, only it was a pity I didn't
exactly know what to do with them.
Well, this time he wanted to give
me in exchange for my rabbit eight
chessmen, three blown eggs and a
half a pair of snuffers. I was also
to have one of the pups of his Aunt
Kuinpler's terrier when it had pups,
which, however, as I afterwards
learned by experience, wouldn't
have been likely to happen, as it
was a male dog. Well, everything
was all right except the .half of the
pair of snuffers. I couldn't get that
through my head and asked, "Fritz,
what am 1 to do with this old half
thing?"
"W hy," said he, "I found it when
I went into the wood-yard yester
day; you can surely find the other
half there and then" ell itfor eight
greschen."
Yes, that I might easily do but
I had often looked and never found
anything, so the matter seemed
doubtfull Then he said: "Fritz,"
for my name was Fritz too "just
think, my father is only a black
smith and your father is Burger
meister; why shouldn't you tind
something as well as I,?"
This was true, so the bargain was
concluded and he went away. But
as ho walked out of the garden gate
with my rabbit and I stood looking
at my three blown eggs and half
pair of snuffers smack, smack I
got the two slaps, and when I
looked around saw my mother's
brother, Uncle Matthies, who had
iK-cn sitting behind the apple tree
and heard the whole bargain.
My Uncle Matthies was an old
soldier and had queer ways ; he al
ways struck first and thco told why.
lie had been in Hungary and
l'oland, seen the world and knew a
great many stories ; but the worst
of his stories was that they always
had a moral which I would gladly
have had him omit, for when he
came to it he always gave me a box
on the car to make me remember it
lx'tter.
When I had received the slap my
Uncle Matthies sat down cn the
bench under the apple tree and
said :
"Boy, do you know why you had
that memento?"
"No, uncle," said I, "you havent
told any story."
"That will "come afterwards," he
replied. "You got the punishment
for your bargaining, for so far as I
know j'our father wants to bring up
no jockies. Now come here and
lit ten to the story.
"When I was stationed at Peter
wardein with the Hungarian Uh
lans we had a captain in the squad
ron, a man who had a hump be
tween his shoulders and was always
wanting something new and as full
of whims as a donkey is of gray
hairs ; if he fell into a gutter he
didn't rest until he tumbled in a
ditch too, and if he wore boots to
day, he would have shoes to-morrow
aud slippers the day after. Yet
he had plenty of money and the
follies his foolish brain invented
his purse made good, at least for a
time.
"What then was more natural
than that our little misshapen cap
tain should have a crowd ot hungry
comrades about him who stack like
burs, drained him like leaches, but
laughed at him like rascals behind
h is back. Well, one of this brother
hood told him that the greatest
pleasure in the world was to sit in a
glass coach drawn by four horses
and ride up and down the high
road. Our little captain remember
ed that he hadn't done this, so it
was something new, and as my
friend Cobbler Satnekow in Rostock
used to say, consequently' the glass
coach and mares were procured and
the greatest pleasure in the world
began, but also came to a speedy
end; for when our little whipper
straw of a captain sat in the glass
coach and slid from nn rinTni- n
17 1IIIIU T J
the other, like a devil in a medicine
ootue, tne people stood still and
laughed as if they saw an ape.
"After three days it was an old
story, but luckily the colonel of the
rem men t married a vonnr w-;fi
had eet her heart on driving up and
aown uie nignway m a glass coach
drawn by four horses. Th rv-lnr.i
had no objection except the expense
uiu tur jears naa sung in tne even
ing the beautiful song, 'Die Trakte
menten, oie Bind zuklein!' but he
hadtdwavs considered Hinvtlv af
terwards how he could bet-t increase
his property, and three days before
his weddiiis won from a Hnnmi.
rial connt a calash with two horses.
one 01 wnicn was a regular screw.
"So he went to my little captain
ana told him how delightful it
would be H turn coachman and as
the two thing needed to make a
trade, a clever man and a simpleton,
met, the bargain struck, the colon
el's wife got a glass coach and
captain the calash and the screw.
"One fine morning when all Pe
terwardien expected no harm, my
little captain was sitting in hif new
calash driving himself, and ran the
pole through the window of the
colonel' lady's coach. This made
agreatetir, and colonel's adjutant
came out and asked if the devil was
in him.
u 'No, said the captain, 'not in
me, but the mares.' They talked it
over until the talking became bar
gaining, and the bargaining became
a swap. The adjutant was also one
of the people who knew how to
manage bo that no harm comes up
the rope to them when they lead
dogs, and my little captain got in
exchange for his calash and pair of
mares, a saddle horse, a gray, which,
if it had been the same in front as
it was behind, would have left noth
ing to be desired.
"I knew this gray thoroughly; it
had been sent to Bukowinathc year
before to make up the number of
horses wanted for the cavalry ; and
the little captain in exchange for his
two horsey one good-for-nothing
devil, for there were ten furious
fiends and fire eaters- in this one
gray, which ran with all four legs in
the air at once, and was of no use
in God's world except to stand in
the stable, eat oats and smash the
groom's shins.
"Well, my little captain got this
vrv crav. and the next dav mount
ed it and rode through the streets
of Peterwardein into the fields, and
the ten devils in the gray rode with
him, but remained asleep, and the
the gray danced along the road like
Clerk Blocken's old black mare.
My captain was riding on thinking
cf nothing in particular, when a
hunter came up with n dog, and my j
little captain began to wonder where
the hunter was going and where the
dog was going, and what the dog
was doing with the hunter and the
hunter with the dog. While he
was thinking over these circum
stances the ten devils in the gray
waked, rubbed their eyes, and whish !
rnv little captain was lying in
the ditch.
"Here, mv Bon," said my Uncle
Matthies, "here." I thought his
confounded moral was coming and
ducked. "No," said he, "not yet,
the story isn't finished; here my
son originated the -Baying : 'When
do mountain and valW meet?' To
which the answer :: 'When a
Pucklichter falls into a ditch.'
"The confounded gray then ran
around the racecourse till it reach
ed the spot where the captain lay,
when it kicked, plunged, neighed
and snorted, while the ten devils in
it had its tail straight out in the air.
"My little captain gathered his
bones together out of the ditch as
well as he could, spite fire and
flames, snatched the hunter's gun
from his Bhoulder and shouted,
'Wait, you scoundrel, we haven't
done with each other yet, as the
turkey cock said to the earthworm
writhing in its bill,' and wanted to
shoot the gray.
"But the hunter caught his arm
and begged hira to spare the horse ;
it was senseless animal and meant no
harm.. When my little captain
swore he couldn't bear the sight of
it, the hunter swore he needn't ; he
would take the beast himself and
give the hunting dog fur it, and at
last succeeded in 60othing him. j
"So this bargain was struck. But
the dog was not the end of the
swapping, there was more to come.
"My little captain knew as much
about hunting as a cow does of
Sunday, but for the sake of the
brown dog he became a great Nim
rod, ran about in a pair of huge top
boots, shot himself with both bar
rels through the brim of his hat be
fore the eyes of the whole sqadron,
and then went partridge shooting as
if nothing had happened.
"Well, I was then quartermaster
and acted as mother to the whole
squadron, kept the key of the strong
box .and could accommodate the
officers by making advances, so
they often took me with them when
they went out hunting, and I was
tired enough of running about, for
I got nothing but weary legs.
"Well my little captain and I
went together, and 1 was clever
enough to keep three steps behind,
for I thought, 'Your calves and
whnt is over them are not his hat
briui.' My little captain called his
dog, whistled, patted, stroked and
flogged him, pulled his ears, made
him seek and carry, and went
through so many ierformance8
with him that even" a dog with an
angel's patience would have lost its
wits. Ponto at last became so gid
dy that he ran when he ought to
have pointed, and pointed when he
ought to have run, and the captain
fired and missed, blamed Ponto and
wanted to kill the dog. I pitied the
creature and said :
"The dog is young, captain, it
hasn't been trained enough yet ; let
me have it, and 111 give you this
pipe bowl. See, there's the famous
city of Criwitz, in Mecklenburg,
painted on it; this on the left is the
church-tower, and these little lumps
on the right are the vineyards.
"He had a large collection of pipe
bowls that I knew and on some
were Vienna and Ofen and Trieste,
but he hadn't one with Criwitz, so
it was something new to him and he
made the exchange.
"Then he went home, he smoking
his new pipe. As he entered the
Peterwardein gate, 1 felt bo tickled,
tnat I said : 'Captain, do you know
what you're really smoking ?"
"He looked at me in a puzzled
way, and answered : 'A pipe.'
' "No,' said I, "a glass coach with
four horses,' and showed him what
he had made by swapping.
"He took the glass coach and
four, the calash with two horses, the
gray with the ten devils, the young
dog, and the pipe with the city of
Criwitz with all her vineyards, and
smashed the whole on a stone, sir
ing: 'Then I'll get rid of i.ie
trumpery.'
"So he lived on until he hadn't
even a trifle to smash on a stone,
and all his troubles came from his
love of new things and his swap
ping." So saying, my mother's brother.
Uncle Matthies rose, and when I
ducked again on account of the
moral, said :
"I'll let you off this time, but
look carefully at the trash you've
taken for your beautiful rabbit, and
as for Aunt Rumpler's terrier's pup
py, mark the old proverb: 'What
comes after, the wolf bites.' r
With these words he went out of
the gate.
I stood there looking at my treas
ures, perceived I had been a great
simpleton, and from that hour never
swapped anything again ; but the
love of "something new" lingered a
long time a long, long time. Many
follies, many hardships have comV
from that egg. Well, I believe l'v
done with them ; now new boots
pinch me, a new coat squeezes me
and new faces annoy me. I wish I
was sitting under the old apple tree
again hearing the old stones, and
my uncle Matthies could again give
me a memento. I would heed it
more now. From the Gtrmin of
intz liciiter, tn Vur Ventxnml
Whatever hna excwAeA it ln
bounds irf ever in a state of instabil-
itv.
ArricwDrCaM
"Say, mister !" said a tall, sun
burned man with a wide brimmed
hat, and he edged his way into the
editor's room yesterday afternoon.
"Say, mister, do you know anything
about keards ? '
"Why. res." responded the edi
tor. "1 know how to play 'everlast
ing' and 'old maid,' and things of
that kind: why?"
"That's iust what I want to ask
vou about Now in playing 'old
maid,' suppose the man who holds
the ace antes and passes on the
draw, whose bet is it ?v'
"That isn't the wav I play it,"
said the editor. "In my game the
player who has a queen after all the
other cards are played is the 'old
maid' " '
"Perhaps it is 'everlasting' that
I'm thinking of." mused the stran
ger. -'Suppose in 'everlasting' you
should catch an old maid on the
draw and when the rest of the
keards was played you found you
had not filled. What then?"
"I do not see how that question
could arise in that game," said the
editor. "Maybe you are talking of
the game called poker.
"Poker?" what's that?' asked
the stranger looking up in innocent
surprise,
"That's where they have aces and
fulls and that sort of a thing."
"Do you know how to play it,
stranger ?" asked the tall man, draw
ing out a pack of cards. "Will you
show me how ?"
The editor ran over the cards and
dealt two hands rapidly.
"Now," he explained, "two pairs
beat one pair, three of a kind beat
two pairs, a flush beats threes, and
fours of a kind beat a flush. What
have you got ?"
The stranger laid down a mixed
hand as the editor explained that it
was worthless, and his own hand
held a pair.
"Lemme deal 'em once," said the
stranger, running them off clumsily
"Five each ?"
"Yes,".said the editor, seeing that
he had gotten hold of a sharper and
making up his mind to teach him a
lesson. "Five each."
"Now, what do we do?" asked the
sharper,
"If we are betting I'd ante a dol
lar and you'd cover it with two.
Then If I wanted to come in I'd
plank another dollar, and then "
"Hold on ! hold on 1 don't go so
fast You put two dollars at differ
ent times and I put two all at once,
That it ?" '
"Yes and then we draw."
"Let's trv it once lor fun, if you
don't mind," said the sharper with
unnatural eagerness.
"All right," smiled the editor, and
he threw two dollars on the table,
which were promptly covered,
"Now you say we draw. How
many do I take ?"
"You may take what you like, I
don't want any," replied the editor.
I stand pat !"
"Then I'll take- one keard. Do
we bet now?"
"Yes."
The 6tranger bet cautiously, and
the editor raised him, and was seen
until there was $15 wagered, though
there was no money up beyond the
ante.
"I reckon I won't bet any more,"
said the stranger timidly "who
beats ?" and he laid down four aces.
"I beat you," said the managing
editor, and he laid down a straight
flush. "You owe me $15."
The stranger looked at the cards
some time, and clashed his fist down
on the table.
"You played fair did ye ?''
"I did."
Slowly the stranger pulled out a
greasy wallet and laid down a $20
bill. "
The nl itor gave him the change,
and the man went out, still running
over the cards and wondering how
it happened.
"I thought he was a sharp and he
is only a flat," said the editor, ex
plaining the circumstance to the
cashier, as he handed in the $20 bill
for change.
"Like to bo oblige you, old boy,"
said the cashier, "but that $20 is
counterfeit"
Parties having business with the
managing editor for a week or two
will please come armed. Uroolhjn
Eanle.
.lust Before the llattle.
"Maybe so." After looking over
the battle field of Chancellorsville I
went back to the brick house fordin
ner. During my abscence a little
red-head. -d man had arriveVl, and
he was introduced by the woman
as her bruther-in-law. As soon as I
came in he began on me :
"Vhas you under Sheneral Shach
son in dis fight ?"
"No"
"I tell you dot vhas an awful
fiht, my friendt Blood poured
out shust like it vhas raining.
Maybe you vhas under Sheneral
Lee, up der blank road .'"
"No I wasn't"
"Not under Lee ? But dot Shen
eral vhas an awful fighter. Maybe
you vhas mit Karlv, up at Freder
icksburg ?" "
"No."
"So ? Yhell, Uat Early he vhas a
shplendid Sheneral, una he like to
fignt all der time. I feels sure you
vhas mit Early. Mavbe you vhas
mit Hooker, eh ?" " -
"No."
"Not mit Hooker down here !
De.n you vhas mit Sedgwick up der
road ?"
"No."
"Vhell, by golly ! Not mit Shack
son nor Lee : not mit Hooker nor
Sedgwick ! Yhell ! Yhell ! Dot beats
me all oafer !"
Both of us fell to and began eat
ing, and nothing further was said
until the meal was finished and we
had gone out to look at some old
cannon wheels in the yard. Then
my friend put his hand on my
shoulder, lowered his voice" and
said :
"My friendt, if you vhas not mit
I.ee nor Shackson nor Hooker in
dis fight maybe you and me vhas
in der same plase ?" .
."Maybe so. Where were you ?"
"In Canada !" he whispered.
He called "gootby" after me as I
rode awav, but I wouldn't have an
swered him for a hundred dollars.
Detroit Free frets.
Proponed New States.
Washington, March22. The mi
nority report of the House commit
tee says the effort to secure the ad
mission of Dakota as a State was
purely a political movement, agitated
exclusively in the interest of certain
politicians, whoareseekingto accom
plish their ambitious designs, and
that of those who appeared in Wash
ington in behalf of the admission not
one was an agriculturalist The in
dications are that the admission of
Dakota will become a partjqicrtion,
with the Democrats solidly t'tsed.
T5ie CesfJtxMciaUoa.;
At a recent quarterly meeting of
the B. & O. Relief Association, held
at Belay Station, the Secretary sub
mitted a report which shows its af
iaijs to be in a most flourishing con
dition. This organization is quietly
but effectively performing most
valuable service, not only among the
employ-m by protecting them from
want, but to the company itself and
is consti'iily developing new meth
ods of usefulness. Although only
started in May, 1880, the report re
ferred to showed the issue of 22,150
insurance policies, and on December
31. 1881, an actual membership of
13,105 persons ; also the payment of
5,557 claims for sick benefits, aggre
gating $74,769.56; of benefits on ac
count of disablement from accidents,
aggregation $33,047.87, and of 128
death policies aggregation $30,420.
31. These sums, with the payment
of 1,168 physicians bills, amounting
to $11,278.48, made a total expendi
ture of $200,816.22 disbursed lor the
relief of members on lines extending
from Baltimore to Pittsburg, Ciocin
nati, Columbus, Sandusky and Chi
cago. I he association, wrougn lis
corps of medical inspectors, not only
superintends the hygienic and sani
tary welfare of its members, but is
also charged with a close supervision
over the sanitary condition of the
company's shops, stations, coaches,
grounds, buildings, waters, fcc, to
the manifest advantage of its service.
The measure adapted bv the associa
ted last fall to guard employes of
the company from effects ol malarial
which was unusual prevailant every
where, and said to have been very el-
fective in neutralizing its effects.
Pursuing the same policy immedi
ately upon the discovery that small
pox was becoming epidemic in the
United btates, the society undertook
the gratuitous vaccination of all its
members, and m special cases ol
their familes. Reports already show
that the medical inspectors have
vaccinated 5,170 persons ; also that
of the total number vaccinated fully
80 per cent of the operations were
successful. In other words, out of 5,
170 persons, over 4,000 were found
to be exposed to the full effects of
small-pox, which had been declared
by the National lioard ot Health to
be epidemic through the country.
The employes referred to are not
resident in any circumscribed locali
ty, through probably half are resi
dents in Maryland. The statistics,
therefore, furnished a sad commen
tary upon the danger to which our
entire population is exposed through
lack ol proper precautionary mea
sures. If other benevolent societies
and corporations would recognize the
fact that prevention is of far greater
value than the cure of disease, ana
would lollow the worthy examp.e
of the B. O. Association, they
would not only be acting humanely,
but would also in many instances
save their own funds from heavy de
pletion. Jialtimore American.
In Memory of Garfield.
Long Branch, March, 18. The
beautiful Garfield memorial window
which was placed in St James
Episcopal Church on Wednesday
last is in commemoration of the
fact that it was in this sanctuary
that the late President worshipped
on the Sunday previous to his being
shot, June 2G. He was the guest of
General A. S. Webb, of New York ;
and with cx-Postmaster General
James, he occupied his pew on that
Sabbath, 'i he beautiful tribute is
the idea of Mrs. Webb, who thought
that a memorial window would be a
fitting testimonial to the high place
President Garfield held in the es
teem and sympathy of the Long
Branch people after his long days of
sufferinn and fanal death there. Airs.
Webb found no difficulty in raising
the amount necessary for the win
dow from her friends and the mem
bers of the St James Church. The
window is a Gothic arch in shape,
and is the size of the other widows,
0 feet high and 2 feet wide. It is of
waved antique Ventian glass, sur
rounded by a narrow band of ruby
antique glass, and has a medallion
portrait of Garfield in the centre.
The portrait is enlarged from Saro
ny's profile photograph, and is sur
sounded by a wreath of laurel and
palm, the symbols of victory and
peace. The knot by which the
wreath is fastened below the medal
lion is of opalescent yellow glass,
and the entire portrait" and wreath
are set in a field of rich, shaded blue,
in which the 13 original States are
represented by as many opalescent
6tars. On a table representing an
tique mural brass, below the me
dallion and its field of blue, the in
scription is plaead. It reads : "In
memory of James A. Garfield, June
26, 1881." The upper and lower de
signs of the widow are separated by
an arched band of rich rendels ex
tending acres j the base of the arch.
Within the point of the arch above
are across and crown set in a point
ed oval field of rich ruby antique
glass, which symbolize faith and re
ward. The oval is surrounded on
either side and below by purple pas
sion flowers, whose foliage is taste
fully arranged about the design
above. The passion flowers are
symbols of the martyrdom which
faith in the croses sustained and the
crown has rewarded, and their pur
ple harmonizes with the ruby and
gold above them. The whole" effect
of the window is strikingly rich and
impressive. The entire amount of
the money raised by Mrs. Webb not
having been used for the window, a
silver plate will be purchased to be
suitably inscribed and placed upon
the pew occupied by the President
on the Sunday before he was shot
Imitation Flower.
A pretty experiment has been re
cently described by the well-known
Belgian physicist M. Plateau. He
bends the iron wire so as to present
the contour of a flower of six petals
The central ring to which the petals
are attached is supported on a forking
stem, which is stuck in a piece of
wood. Alter oxydizmg the wire
slightly with nitric acid, the flower
is dipped in glycerine liquid, so as to
receive films 'in the petals and the
central part It is then turned up,
placed on a table near a window, and
covered with a bell-iar. . For a little
at first it appears colorless, but soon
a striking play of colors begins. In
the experiment M. Plateau describes,
the flower continued showing modifi
cation of color for ten hours when
dusk stopped observation. Next
morning several petals had burst
The liquid used was of very mediocre
quality. M. Plateau recommends
preparation of the liquid thus: Dis-;
solve a fresh piece of Marseill soap,
cut up into small pieces, in forty
parts by weight of hot distilled
water. Filter after cooling, and mix
luuruujiiujr uiree volumes oi the
solution with two of Price's glycerine.
The solution should be left at rest till
all air-bubbles are gone.
It was a soft and bamly night in
spring ; the burning sunset was
hanging its golden tapestries across
the mellow west and the electric
light was just beginning to fiz
and spit along the main streets
when Elder Snoozer was sitting in
the elegant boudoir -f Widow S.mith,
whose rich brown e ul desirable
real estate penetrated the bachelor's
inmost thoughts. Can you, barah,
he said, throwing his enormous hand
upon her Bhoulder, on the further
side, "come to. my home in the Sec
ond ward, where 1 will be your
slave?"
"Will that bquint eyed first wife
of yours be made to stand around
when 1 come ? '
"When your dulcet voice sounds
through the ancestral halls Hannah
will go to the coal bin. She will
have about five hours of sleep a day
and work for you the balance of the
tune." '
Inside of the week they passed
through the Endowment House,
when Elder Wells made them one.
Okl Snoozer took in a fine piece of
real estate with a good looking wo
man and was happy. Two years
passed, and the once beautiful Sa
rah, bending over the washtub and
lamming the endowment robe of the
third wife viciously against a tree
until the suds falling over the tender
flowers gave them new life in the
hot July sun, is the sort of picture
the passing bullwhacker contempla
tes. "How do you like the new deal?"
ask the first wife, who is chopping
wood hard by. And the language
of wife No. 2 is not fit to print in a
family newspaper. Salt Jxiie Trib
une. '
Rural Xotes.
Mr. Henrv Quimbv, of the West
ern New York Farmers' Club, thinks
that a hundred acre farm would
produce more with one-fifth of it
judiciously planted to timber than
it the whole surface were kept under
the plough.
A New Jersey farmer reports that
a dressing of eight bushels per acre
of salt to land badly infested with
white grubs enabled him to raise
good crops of corn for three years
past, which was impossible previous
to this application.
In an Illinois cow that could not
be satisfactorily fattened, and was
consequently sold at a sacrifice, was
found, "at the small entrance of the
stomach, a twelve-ounce ball of "wire,
naiis and phlegm," the result of hav
ing eaten threshed wheat straw, the
sheaves of which were bound with
wire.
At a recent meeting of the War
saw. Illinois, Horticultural Society
Dr. Rulph referred to the exhaust
ive effect of the seed forming pro
cess upon plants, and expressed his
belief that it is . not yet generally
known that roses, verbenas, etc.,
bloom much longer and more pro
fusely if the flowers are plucked as
soon as the mature.
The Hon. George Geedes men
tioned at a recent meeting of the
Onondago Farmers Club that one
of his fields to which no barnyard
manure had been applied for seven
ty years and which formerly had a
bad reputation is kept' so fertile by
clover and plaster that the late John
Stanton Gould once spoke of its crop
of timothy as the largest he eyer
saw.
Hope Ahead.
A committee of stockholders who
waited upon the superintendent of a
California mine to ask why in the
blazes the said mine hadn't panned
out anything but assessments, were
graciously received, invited to be
seated, and the official explained:
"Gentleman, you are all aware of
the fact that we had scarcely begun
work when the mouth of our mine
was blocked by a land slide. That
put us back a month." '
They nodded their remembrance.
"Then we had iust got in shape to
take out 4,000 tons of ore, worth 82,
000 per ton, when the mine caved
in. You recall it ?:'
They did.
"Once more we bent ourselves to
the burden of reaping $500 for every
$10 invested, when the . mine was
flooded by a subterranean river."
That was true also.
"Then we had just got the water
out when we discovered that our
mine was located on another man's
claim. We had him shot to pre
vent trouble, and oi ce more we
were about to declare a dividend of
200 per cent when the dead man's
heirs put in an appearance. There
were three of them. We chased one
over the range, had another hung
bv the vigilance committee, and I
am happy to inform you that I
have four men out after the other.
and am every he ur expecting to hear
that he has tumbled ou aclin. Gen
tlemen there is hope ahead golden
hope, rleasc come up and drink
with me ; after which there will be
another assessment of 10 ix.r cent"
Tested and found Worthy.
In order to bring more fully be
fore the notice of the people the
value of a true and tried remedy.
we hereby give the following relia
ble testimonial from one - of the
many who have been cured and
whose reputation for veracity cannot-
be questioned.
Woodbury. N. J.. March 20.
Swedish Bitters Co.:
Gentlemen : I have suffered
witli dyspepsia and its horrible ef
fects for many years. Have spent
hundreds of dollars, with physicians
and in patent medicines, with no
avail. I have been unable to eat
meat of any kind, and could not
retain water on mv stomach, and
could not sleep at r nights. ' I was
induced to procure and try a bottle
of your Swedish Bitters, and con
scientiously say its use was followed
by beneficial results. I can now sit
down and enjoy a hearty meal of
meats and vegetables of any kind,
and have gained sixteen pounds in
three weeks, and can cordially rcom
mend it to others.
Yours respectfully,
AuGrsTtrs Pef.hl.
Proprietor of Woodbury City Coach
Line, Prehl's Livery and Accom
odation Stables.
Destrnctire Explosion,
Leavenworth. Kans.. March 23.
The large flouring mills and ele
vator of Hanen & Co , were burned
this afternoon. Cause, dust explo
sion in the dust. room. The whole
building was wrapped in flames in
an instant A. B. Hanen, of the
firm, John O. Day and one or two
other employees were serionslv in
jured. Twenty thousand bushel of
wheat and about $12,000 worth, of
flour were stored in the elevator.
The loss is estimated at $60,000:
with $54, (XX) insurance. j
A norriVSe E&ooMaf Affair.
EmtrrsBrBG, Ll, Mar h 22. A
horrible shooting affray has taken
place ten miles north of this town.
Charles Cornelian and Frederick
Miller, two Highland Scotchmen
who came from Scotland last season
and bought land of Scottish-American
land company on Jack creek,
met at the house' of W. R. Howson.
Cornelian and Miller soon quareled,
the latter calling the former a liar.
Cornelian procured a revolver from
the next room and shot Miller
twice through the head, killing him
instantly. ' He then placed the
weapon to his own head. Bent two
bullets through his brain and fell
dead.
Merit Moat Reap ita Just Re ard.
Of the many Catarrh, and Hay
Fever remedies we keep in stock,
there is none of which cur custo
mers speak more highly than of
Elys' Cream Balm. We have never
bandied a remedy that has increas
ed so rapidly in sales or given such
universal satisfaction.
C. N. Crittextox,
115 Fulton St, New York.
Only lawyer to be Chosen.
Washington. Mar. 25. It is un-
dereVtod that President Arthur, in
selecting five Commissioners for
Utah Territory, will nominate only
lawyer, believing good lawyers will
bereouired to proDerlv reorganize
the Territorial government It is
stated several leading citizens of Utah
haye already been recommended to
the President, but it is not likely
any one from Utah, Mormon or Gen
tile will be appointed. Further,
it is reported the President has in
timated that he will not appoint
any one who applies directly or in
directly for the position of Commis
sioner.
6S3 Fulton street, )
Chicago, III. j
Gentlemen : Your Hop Bitten
have been of great value to me. I
was laid up with typhoid fever for
over two months and could get no
relief until I tried your Hop Bitters.
To those suffering from debility or
one in feeble health, I cordially re
commend them.
J. C. Stoetzell.
An Appeal from Mason's Wife.
Washington, March 21. The
wife of Sergent Mason, writing to a
friend in this city from Locust
Grove, Orange county, Va., appeals
for aid for herself and her distressed
family, and pleads for the interven
tion of her friends with President
Arthur in her husband's behalf.
For eighteen years, she says, her
husband has been a brave soldier,
never having been in the guard
house before, and carries honorable
wounds. She thinks he has been
punished enough by the six month's
imprisonment he has endured, and
closes with the hope that he may be
restored to his family.
, We are strongly disposed to re
gard that person as "the best physi
cian who does im rt to alleviate hu
man suffering. J udging from this
standard, Mrs. LyHa E. Pinkham,
233 Western Avenn-, Lynn, Mass.,
is entitled to the froi i rank, for her
Vegetable Compound i daily work
ing wonderful cures ia female di
seases. Send for circular to the
above address.
rRailroad Accident.
Des Moines, March 21. The first
train that attempted to cros? the
new bridge over the Middle river
on the Des Moines and Osceola nar
row gauge railway yesterday at
Lanthrop, broke through, precipita
ting the engine, two flat cars and a
caboose into the river channel be
low. No one was killed. The en
gineer had his wrist broken and the
fireman a leg and an arm broken,
and two or three others on the train
wero injured.
Such Report Do One's Heart Gjod.
Mr. Frank Wilke, North and 0th
streets, stated, that he was not only
highly praised by his customers,
but the St Jacobs Oil has not failed
to give satisfaction in a single case.
La Fayette Journal.
Converts to Mormonism.
Chattanooga, Tenn March 22.
Elder Morgan, Presiding Elder of
the Mormon Church for Virginia,
North Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia
Alabama and Mississippi, left to
day for Utah with 100 converts
gathered in the above States. At
Nashville he will be joined by fifty
or seventy-five more.
Never before has a remedy of so
much merit as Elys' Cream Balm,
for the cure of Catarrh, Hay Fever,
and Colds in the head, been offered
to the public. No dread attending
the application. Price 50 cents.
Apply into nostrils with little fin
ger. Judge Cox Impeached.
St. Paul, March 23. The Senate,
sittiDp as a court of impeachment,
met in open session to day and for
mally certified its judgment against
Judge Cox, impeached for drunken
ness. Tliis sentence is removal
from office and disqualification from
judicial office for three years.
A Fiend's Act.
Dpblin, March 21. Last evening
a canister of powder was dropped
into a house on Kelson street where
several detectives are living. Much
damage was done to the building
by the explosion which followed,
but no boay was injured.
. A western paper tells how an up
country gentleman lighted himself
to bed with a Roman candle. He
says he'll bet his sweet life he can
lick the fellow that loaded it
Never go from home or on a jour
ney without a bottle of Peruna in
your satchel.
Great numbers of the trundle-bed
brigade Buffer with the measles.
Secretary Lincoln reports that 654
Indians are held as prisoners un
der the orders of the War Depart
ment After a rich girl is made to love a
man, she finds indeed that she has
been made tool of to open her mon
ey chest
Spring hanging was inaugurated
throughout Pennsylvania on Friday
of last wt-ek.
The weigh of the transgressor
short
i
-
i'Olt
Kouralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago,
Backache, Soreness of tho Chesi,
Gout, Quinsy, Soro Throat, Smell
wry end Sprains, Burns and
Scalds, General Bodily
Pains,
Tooth, Ear and Headache, Frosted
Feet and Ears, and ail other
Pains and Aches.
fa PrrpanitloB on rh qul f. J"im Oit
u , mmt, snrr, mimpl ixl rkrmp
Krmrdr A trial tntmii kot Ui omprtiY-lT
trifim oat!Y nt 00 fnt. wJ nrry oo rrir
with io can ha obep nd poi pruuf ot M
claims.
IHrectiou in Elmo Lanes.
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS A5ro DEALEEf
IV KKDICIHE.
A. VOGELEIt & CO.,
fOB IALB T
C. N. BOYD,
DRUGGIST
ftoaaersef. Pa.
)TIIE(
CnicAGO & North-Western
It At La W
Is tiieOLDEST: BESTUONSTRVCTED'BEST
EQVIPPED ! and hence the
Leading Railway
OF THE
WEST AND NORTHWEST!
It la the shortest and bct route between Chicago
ana an points in
Northern Illinois. Iuwa. Ihikuta. Wrnmlnar,
Nebraska, California. Oregon, Arizona, Utah,
Jolorado, Idanu, aluntana, Pieraua and Tor
Council Etlufl. Omaha
DEXTER, LEiDTILLE.
SALT LAZ2, SAN FRANCISCO,
DEADW00D, SIOUX CITY,
Cedar Rapids. Des Moines, Oohambns, and all
Points in the Territories, and the west. Aim, fur
Milwaukee, Oreen Bay, Oshkosh, Sheborfao.
Marquette, Fond du Lac, Watertown, Honvhum,
Neman, Menasba, St. Paul, Minneapolis, Huron,
Voljca, Fariro, Hismarek, Winona, LaOrome,
Owatonna. and all points in Minnesota, Dakota,
Wisconsin and the Northwest.
At Council Bluffs the Trains of the fihlcaso k
Nortb-Wrstern and the U. P. K'r depart from,
arrive at and use the same joint i nlon Ifepot.
At Clilrairo. eloe eonnectioM aro made with
the Lake chore, Mich i if an Central, Baltimore a
Ohio, Ft. Wayne and Pennsylvania, and Chlraico
ami uraad Trunk H ys, and in Aankakee and
Pan Handle Routes.
CImo coaaMCtlona tnasla at JwrtlM
falata.
IllasbcOXLT USE vaaatiasf
PullmanHotel Dining Cars
CHICAGO aM COUNCIL BLUFFS.
Pallia Slspis oa all Night Traim
Insist on Ticket Agents selling you Tickets via
this road. Kzamlne rour Tickets, 'and refuse to
boy if t hey do not read over the Chicago a North
western Railway.
If you wish the Best Traveller Accommoda
tions you will buy your Tickets by this route,
49-AND WILL TAKE NONE OTHER.
All Ticket Agents sell Tickets bv this Line.
MABVia Huunrrr,2d V. P. a Uen'l Manag'r,
Chieaico.
BE NOT DECEIVED
Ej Plasters claiming to he an im
provement cn ALLCOCZ'S POROUS
PLASTERS.
ALLCOCZ'S is the original and
enly gennino Parsns Plaster; all
other so-called Porous Plasters are
imitations. Bewart of them.
Sea thai jen got an ALLCOCZ'S
PLASTZ2, vrhich we guarantee has
effected mora and quicker enres than
any other external Remedy.
FOR SALE BY ktl DRUGGISTS.
Jau25,7iuofcoW
State Normal School,
INDIANA, PA.,
PuEaiJTs UncKrAMED Facilities roa Paa
rAKisa Tkachkbs Ton Ebtbbijo
tmkib Field o Labor.
There Is no more noble pursuit tl an that of
moulding human character, ami no greater bene
ntctor than tbe truly successful teacher.
If you Intend to teach, prepare yourself thor
oughly, and thus make your work pleasant and
profitable for vourseirand of real value to others.
Every teacher should take a full coarse at a
professional school, and Pennsylvania oilers you
one superior to that of the
Mm Koraial ScM.of Ma.
1. LOCATION, Bcantlfnl, Convenient and
Healthful.
X BUILDING and APPURTENANCES,
unexcelled.
. INSTRUCTORS, experienced and success
ful. 4. GRADUATES stand high wherever known.
. COURSE OF STUDY and plan ot Instruc
tion are what you need If you have determined to
become an earnest and successful teacher.
SPRING TERM WILL OPEH APRIL Id 1832,
FALL TERJt WILL OPEN
SEPTEMBER 4th, 1882.
For further particulars address,
L- H. PURLING,
Principal.
marZi
55 TO
per day at home. Samples
worth fafrea. AddresaS-riB-Maine.
lUar.l-lyr.
no a Co., Pi
NOTICE Harriet Snyder herel.y
gives notice that she has mad applicative)
t the Meeratary of Internal A If airs of Pennsylva
nia for a warrant nr IS acre of land, la Stony
creek township, Somerset eoanty. Pa-, adjoinins;
lands of Joseph Snyder on the north, east and
south, aod lands of Martin Brant oa the west.
marl
I llIT''
a meriui,
C5-We mkI oae IHownicd Caul
HlMtiaCcd CaUk-eae vt
KwafC-yilllnsx I
I tat (israen,
oa apolatwa.
.jiff'
The Somerset Herald !
(ESTIBUSHED 1827)
Caa cf the leading Papers of Western
is miMT mill
HAS DOUBLE THE CIRCULATION
OF AN Y0HER NEWS
PAPER IN HE
COUNY I
It Will Contain the General News
of the Day.
The EditoriailM Local
Speak far Thcmselve.
93.00!
t2.se A YEAS!
t.0 A TEAR
$2.00 A YEAR !
$2.00 A YEAR !
$2.00 A YEAR !
$.00 A YEAR!
$2.00 A YEAE!
$0 0 A YEAR!
$2.00.1 YEAR!
$200 A YEAR!
$2.00 A YEAR !
nob A TEAR
00 A TEAR
$2.00!
-IN OUR-
JOB DEPARTMENT !
WE HAVE THE BEST FA
CILITIES WEST OF
THE MOUN
TAIN. &S-Ve are prepared to furnish
on short notice, and at a great re
duction on former prices, all kinds
of
JOB WORK.
such as : -
LETTER HEADS.
BILLHEADS,
ENVELOPES,
BUSINESS CARDS,
VISITING CARDS.
WEDDING CARDS.
PROGRAMMES,
HORSE BILLS,
SLIP BILLS,
POSTERS,
LABELS,
TAGS.
RECEIPTS
NOTES OF ALL KINDS,
DODGERS,
CIRCTLARS, AO, 40.
Orders from a distance will receive prompt
and careful attention.
Address,
The Somerset Herald,
PRINTING HOUSE ROW,
Somerae. Pa.
MlTMIttm II MMlstUMB nl vhlrli w. .m .. 1...I.
XAKttKT UAHUKKKIMAXD H.OKlsT. Bie a each k.wledir aa matk.-ki tojeda-ecot --.y
toe li kinds ari'rartt.Flerwerwr TesetaMw eroa(wB' tor lYirate or CoaanierciAliiar'ieiuiis:). bet ..i
nmrhiv taat the 4aaiiiv at all Itaaai aae flaala w6iwshwe and Frame in Jerx-y City, are ti- lair' .i
sevanac apwarda al lour acres, aufcd ia glass, aia(Muu
peter Hsr.-Dsncon &
35 Cortlandt Street, New YorU.
RAILROAD SCHEDULE;
1
SOMERSET 4 CAKBRIA Ra:LR0a
"CTBWiBtt
" ?:uu I
- r- aaw
IVpait
Tk.v.n . a.ul
-u. aa.
' 1:41 p. m.. and 11 s "l
respectively at Wiwai " -rn,ir,
day a SJO moSVa
- m.Hvgwni uiruu.h trains i u
at a. m.. and p. m.,i wh7 ,b't''a''1
a. ., and r.is p. m.. arH.il"'' ' l
Rockwoou at m nTl''' .
j PENNSYLVANIA CENTRAL RAILROAD
tbaibi eaimt B,T.
obasto,. Ex.1....
'ncEx.j t:37 t m! !
hlcajro Dav kx f. .io-a . ' J
St. Louis
r;;-7. X r. - z'Tz "op..
MuBLInirfiiw
tbaiss aoiaa wmt.
....K v . - 'ava : mil.. i J?.rnr'
Cincinnati ttif... 13 a.m. ' a. .
Cincinnati I
Jubnstvwn
;""."" I:Ma. tn '",
""w" "" I rat tint
mau
T..4 m ' ".
Padflo
aM 10:Wt nt..rr5v::;
Wa,
vZZ-l-iLZ-.-r: stops ..
t;tila
Fast
. I p.
liuii.
Mai
H
all si
"i i.n..
VK:;,"1U:ip-tops..
etpt
JobnTiwnS-";
and Ida Johnwn 1.' if""
TH Fast LIda. a. . ...
davs.
ana ut at tJul CouTS V
eniv.
Ti
fc. Cincinnati Wlit I
dar
vy vn JiM
stop
. ana ust Liberty ' "
"T0 J"xl J"nstown Eb .. .
rrr.Tn?.t'i acme
i mau west la ths svenlmr.
BATIM0RE& OHIO RAILROAD.
P1TTSBTJROH DlVlSmn
sill depart from aiw riv.a,'.nf " !
tnu Water StrtrJfoU,; pu'tt'rn"ui
1 1n anl .fVT . .
AST.
Lav'
WEST,
MAIL.
Pirutturt;
BnbtOcck
Mck'eraport
WfM wtna
Broad Foni
Ml. n-aaant
CounrlluviH
rniontowu
Ohio Fyla
Kockwiiod
Hvodman
Cumberland
Washin-ion
Baiutiiora
:M a. m.
9:10 "
S-J3
10-UO "
"
ll:S
10:A4
use -
ll: '
lr:w p. m.
::w
S:J5 "
; sj "
p. SB.
Lara ;
naitinwrv
Washing-ton
('uatbvrlaad
Hrndinaa
I'bio 1-tI
Cinii.llvillt
ftrna.1 Vni
Ml. ilniiai)?
fiiUuurg
r. "
M
M. arriving ltovu ' T M
wood 11-M P. M. Ir. :,. "r.v M- .h.
TflsflnmMtMf.1. .... .
Cumberland at 2 it A M .r.,P '"
w.mui it V. :1"A.M- arriving k.
b7h 75iA:,w'nMiUVUi -0A- -Wi
rives at Washington at V a. m Bam M7, HI
r. a.: PhilarlUhi.:io AJ."-"Lt'T"'.1.034
a.: Richmond li;aa. . ' .
Throoirb Express, leavlnc 8:08 dallv
rives at V aahlnaoon at :3u , a. - " p.
a. -; Philadelphia; la ,..7 ir'SV.'X
Thronvh Mall trains dally.
Kxpsess trains daily exoeut SarHar
1 . mi -Tut mna nond
Ptuarf "r? v pot oorner runt and Water its..
Ticket OfllflM. immw KM Oh a , .
U M. UOL t. General Ticaet Agent.
BEST!
biulnoss now be tor the nnb
lie. Yon esn make rnmKy
faster at work for as thaa at
weeded. We will start yon. SM a day and op-
anvtnin? elm. I aiti m
,J . mum " j urn iD4jniinB4. JIM ana
women, boys ard girls, wanted everywiwre to
sort for ns. Now is the time. Yo can rk ia
nparo time only, or clv your whole tlmi w the
business. You can live at home anil do tae wurk.
M o other business will pay pou nearly as well N
on can fall to make enormous pay by enpcavfncsl
nee. Costly ouiht and terms Ires. Xuoxy aut
fast, easily, and honorably. Address. Tars a,
Co., Augusta, .Maine. leel J-lj
PATENTS
obtained, and all business in the V. 51. Patmt
tnr, or la the Oonna attended to for MODERATE
FEES.
We am opposite the V. S. Patent nfflfe, en.
aed In PATENT BUSINESS EXCLUSIVELY, and
ean obtain patents in less Ume thau louae remote
from WASHINGTON.
When model or drawing Is sent we mlvtM as to
patentability rren of eharve: and we make NO
CHARGE UNLESS WE OBTAIN PATENT.
We refer, here, tn the Postmaster, the SupL of
the Money Jrder Division, and to officials of the
U. S. Patent Olflee. For eirrnlar. advice, terms,
and reference to actual clients ia your own Stale
or county, address
C. A. SNOW A CO..
Opposite Patent Offloe.
Washington, 1. iX
I
is nature's greatest remedy. ir. tioruoan
prescribed It to 40.000 BaUent. all of whim
rorovprod or were morn improved. BeUBl
KtBUN ean be taken bv ever uue-;
ytraug, the mlddK-asyd, the old, the bal
and the motner. sawa. ZZSEES
ntntr always agrees wiih Uie p.uliit.
ft clsamos the system of all Its Impurities,
tones the stomach, rraiuur the heart, an
locks tliesecretlonsof the liver, faeosrthei
tne ncrvf4ana invigorates tne orain.
i j.iil is mo iMwakaujjruKr. imw:
blcod, end to the weary and tired from the
tolls and cares of the day It gtvx swet and
refreshing sleep. "
FEiir a ahouiJTo Lkitraby everybudyoe
for each meat wbea Wall, to prevent sick
ness: when sirk. toeirre. tioon wi!l benald
lor sense ltwlll not cure or help. B- -as
Perdki laeomncaedof allvecret-itiiti liiirrj-
dlcnts: evh one a great remedv In Itnelf.
r See pamphlet, a . wj
atom vb to dlt any artlclo of fowl. -3X1
)'-r a book which will rnable toq to trutt
yourself, adtlrcaa . B. HAKTma.H t "..,
ana peiTiconrans wim
rom SALE BY
;C. X. BOYD, nruggUU
Ttamerael, Ps
Mat 4
POTJTZ'S
HORSE AND CATTLE POWDERS
VO no will die f fif Termor lno r
' a. It frotitr Powdera an ened In lime.
viirs Powders wlllcurraix: nre rent Hob Cwt.v"
ijutl'i Powiera will prrrpa tiapaa iv -
ouix'showlrawill ini-rea. the euantitvoT e .
pn! erram twenty per cc,i aod aiak tne tmUc-r tr-i
.nd vwert.
otitz Powder win rnre or prevent slnvw? it t'-T
I'msakk to wliM-n Horwea end fanle nre wil-t.
oi,T7." Pownnca willuits Hxri actios.
Udd . where.
SATIS r. rotJT2. rreprietor.
XALTIX32E.1CS.
Feb 1. ly.
COOLEY CREAMERS.
CiREATa.VI.'HPROri'.U.
i In dally itio In lA.uui lat-t..T
lea and dairies. For curin-e
-ctBAMUMKMri. puarrv aud
OF CKEAM. BAVr MO EMt'-kU
Made in FOUR mLM.
TtS RIZEft aecta. Diinlxa
anil flmamtmtal. fflrim ailto.
GRKATKHT eoeHIULB A.VHOT
mafWDy without Bftimr toe cane. Mnet p.11. Un
to, the cajutt oatherixo rlao. Foar iiulAt
Jfednls anal His II.VF.It .VedaU for HI -
FtKIOItlTY. Aleo. Davia (twins' Churn. Bnrter
Wrker, Printera. 6c. Hendpwtalfir cirfniar.
ttMKMT FASN lACm Ca.,BeUuwFalU, vt.
P. H. HAY, Agent.
Hkllcla, Prnn'a.
lebU-13t
E
XECUTOITS NOTICE.
Estate ol Mary Oandle, deo'd.
Letters testamentary 'a the above estate
basins; bees granted to the "mderslgned by the
proper anthority, notice la hereby aires to all
parages Indebted to said estate to ssake lutsaedl
ate payment and those having elalms aaalnst the
same to present them duly aw hentleated lor set
tlement.oa Wednesday. April eta, leg, at the
residence of Jacob B. Countryman, ia Somerset
township.
JACOB B. COCWTRYM AW.
Ball Executor.
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