Terms of Publication.
The Somerset Herald
1j published erery WedaeeJay Morning l fS
par anaapa, u paid hi m
will Invariably b, charged.
subscription 1 b discern inaed antU all
arrearage are pU "P- Postmaster, neglecting
to DOUly as hr" aubaerlber do not Uki oat
their paper, will be held liable to th subearipUon.
Sabaerlberi re-ovlng from. M PomoftV is
aito(bel. .bonld five as the name of the forwier a
well as the present Addrea
Somerset Printing Company,
JUHX L SO I'LL,
BuUmmMuu(.
Tww atiaeb.
I lie
? r
oine
ESTABLISHED,
rset
i
n 1
JLJ
awTa 11
1827,
VOL. XXV. NO. 3.
Busincu Cards.
iir H. PtaSTLETHW AITE, ATTORN EI
11 . uU'.WWnrl. t-roiee.ioii. -
aw reapeeUuily eoltclled and puiietuallj euead
d l
riLLIA H. KOONTZ, AtTUBNEJ AT
Law, Somerset, r-, am p" i"'-' "
.T.. otd ta bit care la iroertet
. i ... .. l.aim.H Milniltxd tO
aud the adjoining eounlie. OtBoa
simm kow.
ta Printing
KArrORNEYATLAY,
Somerset. Henna.
-1- w V 1TT11RNEY AT LAW
.uemTu r?U buea. aauaaud to b ear. with
promptaee aad Ad.llty. "
J.
a. OULE
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
c -..-i Pi Professional Doslne eotnitted
w my oere attended tuwllk proaipUieao,l lidcUty,
a. a. lorraxTB.
w. a. acrrax.
......... . , 11 1 1 .1 I. AT
yLaw. All buames entrusted U) their care wUl
0, siieedlly and punctually aticuuou w.
oiru a-oo Mam Oroa trol, opposlt tha
Mammoth iMucc
. m iat UtflW
... . . . .tnM.
eraet. Pa win urmijHiy m
ntrutteo to him. Money advaiiceuoa ouiiecuo.
ac. Oltlce in MamueXk Building.
J'
TAMES L. PUQII.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Somerset, Pa. Office, Mammoth Block, up stalra.
tnTraa Mala Cro. Su Collection aia.le.aj
u iTUe.1. title. examined, and all legal bust
attended to with procnpuieas andndeUty.
JlJ
I OHS rii! K1X XEu'ATTt. 'RN EY AT LAW.
.I'Llt. I'a.. wlil auena to all bortaea. ea-
mi.te.1 u bit car la Soaienietaiid Hftouilt
. .-i.iiai and ndoUty. )in In Mam-
vito r '
muth Bluca.
feb. lit 70-17
l.i.uvv raiun.u ATTORNEY ATLAW
1 and Moanty aaJeniuo AgenU SomeraeU
Ca. utnoe In Hamuoia Dima.
jaa. U-U.
riaAiTB, ran -aamiaB.
" AITHEB k OAITHEE. AtUat Law.
lj Somemet. Fenn a. All V"" nft Jo
promptly atuni3d to. Otbo. la aer Bluck, ap
luir.
de'ti-71
Tir J A H L. BAKR, ATTORNEYS AT
W LAW,S.,mert,Pa..wUlltrioelnSai
.rUt and adorning eoontlea. All b'
Tratted to tbeat a lil t promptly attended IP.
A w NOT lOE. Aleiander H. Oitfruth bai
rwumed tl'.prat o. law ta Somere al
dj.dDinKr..nUi. Ollio. in Mammoth Building,
tab. itt, '7!.
JOHN R. SCOTT,
" ATTORNEY ATLAW.
Snmenwt I'a. (Mn on dir aorth o P JlUffl
All 1-u.lnew ontriut. to bi care attended to a It b
prouiptneM and bdelity.
OH. J. MILLER baa pern aienOy locatad
in Berlin f.tbe practl. ol bU pr.auoa.
Oitice oppiaiitc Charloa Kriwlnger ilora.
apr. JU. '7i-tt
Dr R. BKT.'BAKEB tender hi profeMl;al
gi-n lceftotheclUMna of Somerset nJ'
tiy. tm In rwideooe, ona door weal ol lb Bar
nl Huum.
SOMERSET, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 28, 187G
WHOLE NO. 1303.
; ''"A t'lerrland drammer ' was fn
! Elvria, Irw Sunday ago, sod
i while .-caicil in bin rm iu lianl fr,m
toe atexl rwuoi, iba rutiirKM-i
tiou aad a o aver.
"Who duckej are yoo?"
"I'sejour dackej!"
A few momeats passed, duriogj
which the drummer sat in open
mouthed wonder, and the silence waa
agaia broken.
Whose dacker are joa?"
Tse your duckej!-'
Unable to stand it much longer
alone, the Clerelaoder harried down
to the office, learned that a newlr
married couple were in the house, in
Banks.
JOHNSTOWN SAVINGS BAM,
120 CLINTON STREET,
JOHNSTOWN, PA-
Chartered September 12. l7i. DepoaUi receir
d ot all aanta ujt ieac tbanvuedtiar. Prevent
rateot lutereft six per cent. Interest is dua In
the ratio tha ot June and December, and If not
withdrawn la added to tne drpueit, thut compoun
ding twioe a year without troablln thedrpuat.
tor to call or evea to prevent tba deuuaU bouk.
Mtttey loaued m real estate, Prelereoe, with
lllteral rates aad long time, girea to borrower of
fering hrvt Bnufigagua on larws worth loar or bhit
times the anxunt i! loaa desired. Good reler
noe peiiect utiet, avo., rwiuired.
Tbia aurporatiou is exclusively a Saving, Bank.
No comuiereial deposits received, nor uiscuanu
made. No ItNins oo personal security.
Blank applications for borrowers. oiplea of tha
ralea, by laws and stievlal law relating to tba
bank soul to any address raiueeted.
Tai'STKKa. J jnies Cooper, Ilavid nibert, C.
B. EllM, A. J. Hawea, V. W. Hay, John Luwmaa.
I. H. Laily, Banlel McLaughiia, It. J. Morrell,
Lewis f lilt, H. A. Bogus, Oonrad Soppe. tieo.
T. Swank, JauMa MeMUlen, Jmaea Mo rley aad
V.'. W. H aliera.
Daniel J. MorrelU Prertdent; Frank Ulliert,
Treasurer; Cyras Elder, Solicitor. ooria.
J. 0. KIM3IEL&S0XS,
B-aIKIEIRS,
Sacceastira to
Schell & Kimmel,
' SOMERSET, PA.
Accounts of Merchants and oth
er Business People Solicited. Drafts
negotiable in all parts of the Coun
try for sale. Money loaned and
Collections made.
jania
HiteeUaneou.
DR E. M. KIMMEL will continue to practice
Medlctn-, and tender, bis prolesrf.mal servl.
ces to the citlen. of Somerset "d sarroun.hng
eounirv. Oitioe at lb, old place, a few doors east
of the tllade House.
D- WM. COLLINS. DENTIST, Somerset,
Pa iVm "taTlal-er . Bl.. k, ap sulta.
VUceheeanatalltimeal found tm-re.l to do
iUkiadaof work, each a, Siting reulaUiig. ex
"lifting Ac Artlhclal teeth ol all kinds, ainl of
iDtmntn-erted, OperaUorTanted.
g S. GOOD,
PHYSICIAN & SUIiGKOX,
SOMERSET. PA.
4-Orrl('K In Mammoth Block
R. W.M. MARTI,
at'7t
Cambria County
BANK,
iA- V . JX3-A.i.i. cvj vju.,
NO. 2 MAIN NTBEET,
JOHNSTOWN.PA.,
Henry Schnable's Brlrk Bui' ling.
1 Onrral Banking IliisinessTiaasacted.
lira as aad Qold anl silver booght and awld.
Oolle-tlons.made In all parts of the I'nlled State,
and Canada. Interest aiioweu at uarwu,
tier cent. er annum, II left six bkiiIis or bmger.
Sieolal arrungemenls made with Guardlansand
Otbers wno lloiu moueja in inuv.
april W :.
RESITJElSr'r DENTIST
SOMEHSET. I'A.
Havinir several yearn' eiwriinre. I fully pre
,..rl, Vrf.n,r.tl.. ! U taatt-
Artlliilal teeth inserted on all tne imroveu
rX one to an entire aet. Preaervatlon ol the pat.
ural teeth a specuity. OP twoduKS wesi o,
C w-rt H(le.' siaU.laotioa guaranteed,
aprl.
WM. COI-I-I3SXS,
D EXT 1ST,
OlBce above Casebeer A Frea"e' tove, Somerset,
Pa. In the last fifteen years I have gTeatly re
dreed the prtoea of arUheial teeth In this jJaca.
t. ..... i..in. daaand torteeth hasia-
,..re ., ladlitiea that t
i mim or uietb at lower iwio-a than you
eaa get tlHra in any other place in thlsj w.untry -I
am now making a gtl aet of teeth lor , and Jl
....i.i .nv nervia amung uiy ibouaands
of tv:b.uicri intbii iVlbe a-ljoiumg counties that
I bat e made (eetb that U not giving good aat .
fafaeUon. tbev can call oa me at any time and get
a new set tree of charge,
marla
DR. A O. MILLER, after twelve
yean active praetira In Shsnksrllle, has
now pt rmutenUy located at S.nemel a the prae
tloe ot ltctoa. and tender, his prole-eimal ser
vlee, t tba dtlien, of Somerset and 1 ykin
Ofnea la bU Drug Store, ot.pi jlta the B amt
ri.se, where be caa be eonealted at all time
anlcw proIaai,aiiy engagm.
w-Mght call promptly answered.
d-e. t, n-ij. 1 " ;
JOlliT BILLS,
DENTIST.
Office la Ooffroth A NelTi new balldlag.
Mala Cross Street.
Somerset, Pa.
aotnl
RTIFICTAL TEETH 1!
J. C. YIITZY.
DEI. TIST
DALE CITY, jomertet Co., Pm.,
Artificial Teeth, war anted to be of the very best
auality. Life-like ard H.Bdse, Inserted In lb
best style. ParUrala. atleattoa paid to the prea
mill of tb aataral teeth. Taoee wlahlug to
e.-nsalt m bv letter, ea, do so by aaelo-lng stamp
Addrenaiabevw.- " V-a
II
ILL nousE.
IIAliCCT,' ECilESSIT, PA.,
JOHN HILL, PaoraiaTom.
The proprietor r arepared to acenmmodate gflejU
eltng p4ibleaud permaueci iwm -
ih the best ol notei aoininouai ;-
Jes will itin to ae mrutsoeu im
best the market anorda. Large and eomaouhs
sUWIpg attaehed. J""-
JJIAM0XP HOTEL-
TOYSTOW-i PA.
HAMUEIaClBTEK. lVoprietor.
Tub) pop-Jar aad well know, aa 1 at all
tlmesaSeelrable afag .lac for the tjaveilng
pulilic. Tatda aad Kooms hr-t-e aaa. Uood sa
lliud. Ha-kJ tear daily a Juliastowa and
Sou. reel
jao. IHM
Laaca at. bk
AEBnts fcr Fire ainl Life Inimraiice.
J OHN HICKS & SON,
SOMERSET, PA.. .
An Rea Ete Brokers
rraotn who ekrtre to aril, buy or ef bs nge arop
nr, or lor rent will find t to their advantage to
n-g'lster the deacrilKloa thereof, a noehargeia
aiade an leas auid or rented. Heal eataU baaiocst
gwerally will be uroututly atteoded to.
augia.
JOHN D1BERT. JOHN D. ROBERTS
JOHN DIBERT & CO.,
BANKERS
COBNER MAM AND FEAELIH STEETS,
JOHNSTOWN, PA.
4--onnlH of MerrhantH nntt
olber bnsiuetas people iMli?it
Ml. DralU noEotiatai in
njirfia r the eouMtrr for wile
!v1ne7 leaned and C olleelUnai
Made. intereM at toe rmc
Six ler eent. per annum al
lowed on Tine lepotlt.
katinn l,IMMlt llookH liwa
wl ! iniereHlt'oniDonnded
Semi-aunnally wheat delred.
A General liankmg Uuamcag I ransacieu.
Feb. 10.
Totecco anfl Cta
WH01.B.AI.K aaoaa-TAiL,
I. II. Zimmerman,
ICm Cros St ,
Mmerart, I'enna.
The beat of ela-ar of dlllereat tiraada, mauurae
tured by himsrll, of thu tboloeat of t.ilraixoa.
Tliea. elma muul liacrlled lit anV la the aiar-
ket. tii.e ol the Iwst stocks of chewing totiacco
ever brought to Somerset, mrcs to suit tne
time. jan
A-
U . A AT
fix
New Firm.
SHOE STOEE,
SNYDER 6l UHL
Having purchased the Sho
Store lately owned by
n.C. BeerlU.
W take pleasure In calling the at lent kn of
Kbllc to the tact that we have bow aad expee
p oonstaatly oa hand a complete aa
aient of
Boots, Shoes
and Gaiters
BOTH OF
Eastern and Home Manufacturt
aeaa be foand anrwbcrc. W alao will have of
hand eucstaatljr a (all .apply of
SOLE LEATIIER,
MOROCCO.
TPLETONS'
AMERICAN CYCLOPEDIA
NEW REVISED EDITION.
Entirely rewrlltea by the abieet waiter on every
unjwt. Pruitod Iroai bow type, and illustrated
wiui several tuouaaud engravings and mapa.
' The work originally published under the title of
IHKAEWAHUiclB .niAjrjiMiA waacouipieir
ed in la i, awoe wmch time Ui aide rircuipuoa
wluvh it baa aiiauied in ail parts ot the t oiled
Siates,aau the aigual.uevelopmvnls wiiit-h have
taken place in ever uranch ol acleiaw, Uterauire,
and art, nave luuuued Llie editors and publishers
to suouiii to aa exact and thorough revision, and
to issue a new adiiiou.euiiUed ln Aaaaucaa Cl -
curjuiA.
ta ui. ilia last ten rear the progress ol dis
covery in every uepexuucnt ot knowledge has
made a new work ot relereuce aa imperative
waut.
lue movement ol political aflalrs has kept pare
with the diarotene ol acirnce, and their iruitlul
i.i.ii, aiiou u tne laduatriai and uaelul arts, aud
tne eonvcnlenoe aud rcunemenl ol social iile.
Ureal war and eoueu.uetii revolutiuus have oc
curred, mvol uig natioual changes ot peculiar mo-
BleUt. IheCIVU war Ol our uwu wviuif, --
.i i,. k.i.M alius the last volume ol tha old
work appeared, has happily been ended, and a
new course ol eommerclai auu inuusiriaiacu.it
I. . . II, l,l..ll.l.
i j. nr. iu.i.aia to our aeou-raiihlcal knowledge
have been made by the tudelaligable explorers of
Africa.
The great political revolu!lonof the last decade,
ui. no n.iuri reaultul the lapse ol lime, have
brought iulo view a multitude ol new men, whose
name are ui every one's mouth, and ol whose lives
every oue la curious to anow toe paiut-uiai.. oi.
battle have been loan lit and important sieges
maintained, ol which toe detail area yet pre
served only in the newspapers or in tne transient
publicmiiousol the day, but which ougutuow to
take their place la permanent and aumenlic hia-
'"lu preparing the present etlltloa for the pre. It
has accordingly been the aim ol the editors to bring
down the uiloiuiall.ai to the latest possible ualea,
aud to turuish an aecurate account ol the most re
cent discoverie In seienee. of every fresh produc
tion in tellralure, and ol the neweat Inventions In
the practical arts, as well a to give a succinct and
original record ot the progress ot political and hla
torioal events. .
The work ha been began after long and careful
preliminary labor, and with the most ample re
source lor carrying it on to a succeaalul wruina
tion. , .
None of the original stereotype plates have been
ased, but every page has been printed on new
tytie, forming in tact a new C)clopawita, with the
same plan aud oouiias al it predocuaaor, but
with a lar greater pecuniary expenditure, and
with such improvemeuu in lis com position aa have
been suggested by longer experience aud enlarged
knowledge. .
Th lliustratlon which are Introduced for the
first lime in tli. preseut edition have lieen added
not lortbesakeoi pletorUl elioct, bat to give lu
cidity and loroe to the explanation intueieiu
They embrace all braurbea ol scleuce and ol natu
ral history, and depict the naoet lauvous and re
markable features ol scenery, architecture and
art, as well as the varl-ms pn-eses of mechanic
and manulacterera. Although iutrmled lor lu
tructiou rather thau eulwllishmeut, no pain
have been ared to insure tbeir artisllc excel
lence; the coat ol their execution is enormous, and
It is lielievcd they willlind a welcome reception a
an admlraine nature ol tne i.jciopui,
l,a hi.h,.lr..l.r
this work is aold to subacrllier only, javyahle
ondeUvery ol each volume. It wiunecouipieicti
in ixteen large octavo volume, each omtaintug
alK.utxoo latires. lullv lllualraled, with several
ibouaund Wood Engravings, and with numeMus
eolured Lithograptilc Maps.
PRICE AND STYLE OF BINDING.
t.tn,njh tvrml t
In Utirarv Leather. Tafr Vol..... ..............
In Hail Turkey Morroom, per vol 7
In Hlf kuMMi. extra a ill. Her Vol..... a
lu full Morrocco. anti,ue, gill cigea, tier vol . 10
In tull kuaaia. lier Vol 1
Kilteec volumes bow ready. Succeeding volumes
until coninletion. will be Issued once in two mouths.
-Speninea laiges of the American Cyclopae
dia, showing type. Ill-.itirall.tiaa, ete., will be aent
grsti on application.
First das canvassing agents wanted.
Address J. H. WIIJ.1A.MSON.
Agent, No. luVk Sixth Su. t-itlsliurgh. Pa.
dacS
URL1HG, FOLLANSBEE & GO,
Merchant Tailors,
aA.im1 ManaiMuniw of
Gent's. Youth's and Boys,
Fai(mal)lg Mm
121 Itood Street, eonier Firth Avenue,
PITTSBURGH.
aprl.
LATE
HOOFS.
'hoae who are anw bull, line houses should know
that Ir It eneaa-r in the bag run to pal oa Slate
Knoll th in tin or shingles. Shite will laal forever,
ami non-pairs are required. Slate gives the pur
est water lor ehgernt. SUte ka are ppml. Every
cowl house should have a slat ruof. Th under
aurne.1 It located in Camlwrlaud, where h, has a
good supply of
Peachbottom & Buckingham
8L A.T
THE MOSETLEM HAS.
Is there no place on the (ace of tbe earth
Where charity dwelctn, where virtue has
birtb.
Where bosoms in kindness and mercy will
heave 1
And tbe poor and tbe wretched shall ask
aid receive?
Is there no place on earth w Ik re a ka-ick
from tbe poor
Will bring a kind angel to open tbe door T
Ah? search tbe wild world wherever you
can.
There is an open door for tbe moneyless
man.
Go look in tbe ball where chandelier light
Drives off in its splendors tbe darkness of
night;
Where the rich, banging velvet, in shad
owy fold,
Sweeps gracefully down, with its trim
mings of gold,
And mirrors of silver take up and renew
In long gilded vistas the 'wiltlering view ;
Go there in your patches, and find if yon
can
A welcoming smile for tbe moneyless man.
Go look in your church ot the cloud-reach
ing spire,
Which gives back tbe sun bis same look of
fire.
Where the arches and columns are gor
geous within.
And the walls seem as pure as soul with
out sin ;
Go down to the aisle sec tbe rich and the
great,
In thu pomp and the pride of their world
ly estate,
Walk down in your patches, and And if
yon can.
Who opens a pew fur the moneyless man.
Go look to your judges, in dark flowing
gown,
With the scales wherein law wcigbetb
quietly down ;
Where be frowns on tbe weak and smiles
on the strong,
And punishes right while ho justifies
wrong.
Where jurors tbeir lips on the Bible have
luid,
To render a verdict they've already made;
Go there in the court room and lintl if you
can,
Any law for the case ot the moneyless
man.
eome-j the touch of angetV- Who has
done m re toward earning that board
than this same Mary, mr advertising
John? Who has done the washing,
ironing, mending, BweephgY cooking
and the thousand and onetotlier house
hold duties that only i a crowded
housewife, can understand and leel,
yet can never, never enumerate? who
has done all this for you and the
children that have comedo you dur
ing all these years? Howi many hun
dreds, aye, thousands of Hollars, has
this same Mary saved yia, justified
John Jones? Who begat at the foot
of tbe hill with you Jbhn, in her
early girlhood, and wby has belpey
you carry her burdens no the hill all
these long year? who has grown old
and worn in your service? who has
drudged at the base, tbif you might
mount, friend Jones? - j f - '
You shall "pay no debts of bef cn
tracting!" Well John, if you are at
all what I ' imagine yoif must be to
order that notice printed, you will
not pay her debts, lor a dujeen chances
to one, you cannot payjrjur own.
rut down that black pip; eject that
tobacco quid; take your filet from tbe
mantel; your bands from your pock
ets, . and go to work afd pay your
own debts, and tbe interest. Exert
'yourself to make that boat what you
promised her it should be in the days
when you wooed ber. -Make your
self something near what .your youth
promised a man worthyof love and
witely devotion. Uive up tbete use-
Go look in the banks, w here mammon has
told
His buuilreds aud .liousanda of silver and
gold
Where, safe from the luinils ot the surv-
ing aud tMxir,
Lies pile ujion pile ot tbe glittering ore ;
Walk up to the CJtinler ah, there- you
may stay.
Till your limbs have grown old and your
hair turns gray.
And you find at the bank not oue of tbe
-. clan - . i ... '.'
With money to lend to a moneyless man.
Then go to your hovel uo raven has led
tbe w ile who has sufTerred so long for bcr
bread ;
Kneel down by ber bullet and kits the
death frost
From the lips of tbe angel your poverty
lost-
Then turn in your agony upward to God,
And bless w bile he smites you his chasten
ing rod ;
And you'll find at the end of your life's
link span.
There s a welcome above lor lhe money
less man.
JBy reiuet.
BY C. IKiRA NICKEBSON.
E
CALF SKINS,
Kll'S,
11
0MES FOR ALL.
1 have fur sale, aa term within tbe reach of ev
ery aohrr, tutattrloM ladlvklaei, beware, baa,
farm, tlmlier toad, mineral nada, balldiog lota,
Ac., tadiMareat pan tha waaty. aa panel cl
from eae-kasnh ot aa acre aa I. l.au acres. Ta
le warranted. Ten owe Bfth ta hand aad th
balance at tea euual aaeael paraaenta, prolwrly
ecjired. m need apply who I But ad sober
and Industrious aai.i. Call u, a raw of tha
proiierUei will a fca- reat if Bat aeld am.
' U.WEYANI)
AND LINING SKINS
Of all kinds, with a full Una of
Shoe Finding.
Tb HOME M ANl'PACTl'SE DEPABT.
U EN T will be la charge ol
N". B. Snyder, Esq.
Whose reputation for auiklng
Good Work and Good Fits
it second to none la th State. The pablle I r
suectlully Invited to call and tiamio our stock,
as we are determined to keep good a good at tha
beat aad tell at price, a low a th lowest.
SNYDER & UHL.
tor rwning tbe verv beat artk-le. He will under
take to out Slate Kiads Houses, public ami lri
vale, spires, ke., either In town or eountry at the
lowest prices, ami to warrant then. Call anil Bee
him or addrrs him at his frttice. No. 110 Baltimore
Street, Cumberland, Md. Orders may be It ft with
NOAH OASEBEEK,
Agent, Somerset, Pa.
Wat. H. SHirLBV.
Aprl th, UTi.
Dccorat Ire novelties Sir the coming spring ar
ranged. The best Parisian bouses Hilly represent
ed. Eastlake Pua;rs with and without liados.
Scarlet embossed and Peblde O round Paa-rt com
plete assortment. N ew Hall Pilaster, on Soracns,
very recherche. American OoW Oround, (lilt.
Satin, Plain Laaboase. Uamask. fee.. First Prat
Silver Medal awarded at Exposition
aiperia! Pgarea Demi era.
De Zouche & Co.,
191 Fifth
March 2?-
next to Poatofice.
PITTSBVTtiH, PA.
T. P. EVANS.
ARCHITECT.
Aa retaraed
Avenue.
March
from Europe. Otfke . 6. Firth
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All letters of Inauirx In regard to tbe state of
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answered. Steat il Plate and Price Current fur
nished free. May 11.
aJNO. HARKINO.
PRACTICAL
Pattern aiii Model Haler,
6. Water St., coe. Febrt,
SECOND FLOOR, IMttitbarKh Pa..
J-Melt for Patent fifnre a specialty. All
kinds of Patter Work promptly executed.
May XL
BACK PAY.
Having loft our realdeacat by the late fire, we
earnestly ante all knowing themselves ludelited to
a, to some forward proaapily and aettle. Weaacd
Btoaey U provide hornet lor our families.
May 10. PATTON A Hl'KST.
'Notice: Whereas my wife, Mary
Jones, has left my bed and board
without just cause or provocation, I
hereby forbid all persons harboring
or trusting ber on my account, as 1
shall pay no debts of her contracting,
after this date.
John Jones."
There! that scrap from a newspa
per always provokes a smile, a ripple
of pity, and a touch of anger when
I read it. Country papers print them
over and over again. 1'eople read
tbe paragraph, wonder who it was he
married, think it out, and tbe adver
tisement drops from memory. But I
never read it without feeling that I
would like to pull that man's ears till
he found "just cause or provocation
to better himself. Just think of it!
A man! a noble, broad shouldered
man of ibis nineteenth century pay
ing bis hard earned money for such
a complimentary notice as tnat!
It is lamentably true that the John
Joneses are not toe only ones who
are to blame. The Marys often bear
tbeir half: sometimes more man?
limes less. It is fair to conclude that
in nine cases out of ten, both are mis
erably blameful. Rut such adver
tisements are a di.-grace to both par
ties, and when 1 read them, I inva
riably want to bunt up tbeir marriage
certificate, a love letter or two, a tri
lling gift of their courting days, go
to them, and placing tbe w hole in jus
tice's Ecale see which will outweigh
tbe ether. W bicb party would blush
wiib shame first, 1 wonier? Strange
how men and women can forget!
"Without just cause or provoca
tion" is the contradictory clause that
provokes the smile, an i the ripple ot
pilY for his short sigbtedness. Of
course there could be no reasonable
cause for leaving tbe husband of ber
youthful sel ction, the home where
ber children have blossomed, and
where the lore light of conjugal af
fection once illuminated every corner!
No provocation for leaving so agree
able, self-sacrificing, magnanimous, '
patient and loving a compjnion! Of
course sue was troublesome ana
wasteful; time developed tbe popu
lar fact that she was not his "affin
ity," perhaps she grew worse tr
fact gained ground with him; do lon
ger tried to make home agreeable,
and at last, left perfect sunshine be
hind, (with John bathed in it of
course,) and took herself off, nobody
knows where, leaving him tbe cost
of advertising tbe fact tbe ungrate
ful woman! " '
Oh John, John! In many, very
many cases I have known where the
husband took particular pains to
specify that 6be bad left bis "bed and j
board," the bed was tbe very one ber!
prudent mother gare ber in tbe "fit
tinfout." when she left home with a
shy light of promised happiness at
yonr side, saining out from love-nt
eyes. And as for "boajd" there
less habits that annoya-Wife so,
John, aad take an interest in home
matters. Praise little jMary's at
tempts at embroidery; five Johnny
and Freddy ' an encouraging pat oc
casionally; pity Minnie'sdoll that has
come to such sorrow under your foot.
Let Agnes know that she? is a daugh
ter to be proud of with hr womanly
ways; be a companion fof your eld
est, impulsive Ralph, and help make
bim tbe ma t nature promises, if you
will but. assiht ber with. your exam
ple. Give up your idle lounging hours
in store and office, take upon yourself
tb little home otScesi it' was once a
pleasure for you t perform, llriug
a tie for Agnes - sometime!'; a book
for Freddie and Johnnie,' a bright bit
of ribbon for darHog little Minnie;
and an occasional game for the amuse
ment of you all during the long even
ings. Don't forget the anniversaries
and birthdays. Some little- trifling
gift that isn't much iu itsflf, but' tolls
much ot w hat lies bel6wfdoes a deal
toward cementing the home ties, an
keeo the love coals ia a glow. Re
plenisb tbe bomelv wood box an
yawning coal hod; look after 'the
water nail, and have a care for the
washing days. It is the little neg
lects, tbe little over-tookingn that tire
tbe wife that wearintbher thoughts
it's the rut ' .of petty Jt?xjretfulness
that eats into her burdened soul, nil
after a time, sbe sees no outlook, and
wanders awav; and tbe John Joneses
insert tbe notices. Can't vou do all
this, and call ber back to your side
John?
"SLe was to blamH" Well, may
baps she was, John, but call ber back
to your side, and keep ber there by a
constant watchfulness for tbe little
items of home.
"Its hard?" Trv it, and see, John
Mix tbe lover with the husband, aad
my word for it, poor, doubling fellow
tbe task will grow easy, and your
selves happier. lit'Sidea, it is your
bounden duty to make yonr borne a
home that your children can sjfely
imitate when they set apert lor iberu
selves.
And I don't Bay, Mary, that you
did just right to give John an ex
cuse for that advertisement, 1 think
you must have helped it there some
To be sure, you bad grown tired of
non-remunerative labors; of neglect;
of continually delving in one soot; of
hearing tbe cars whistle and seeing
them go out mt tie distance, while
you kneaded bread and mopped floors
from January to December.
Twas bard to ber from the literarv
world, and accumulating debts forbid
you to expend money for tbe intellec
tual growth of you and tbe children.
1 was bard to be denied so many
helpful luxuries because tbe money
was lacking, wben so many dollars
were whipped awav in curling smoke
'Twas bard to sjrell the list of "Han
nab JoLes," but couldn't you, for tbe
sake of your children, have staid by
him and them, and got them to help
you bring bim back again to what he
once was?
Ilave'nt you sometimes fretted at
the unpleasant reality of vour situa
tion; scolded tne children; envied
your rich neignoor, compiainea ol
small rooms and poor furnitnre, bard
work and poor clothes: Haven't you
shown by act, if not by word, tbat
you were sorry you bad promised to
walk by bis sidetorougn me snaaow,
as well as the sunsbinef Have vou
always tried to be bis comforter when
be was cist down: nave you cared
for the husbands tastes and prefer
ences as carefully and cheerfully as
wben be was your lover?
Ah Mary, your bead bows like mis
taken John's. I'm sorry lor you both,
but it isn't too la'.e for you to atone
for your error.
Go back, Mary go backtoJonn
and tbe children. Tbe neighbors
will look askance at yon as they think
of tbat notice, but, never mind tbat.
There's a long eternity before you
and John, and there are no neighbors
there, Mary. Go back to bim and the
children, and when tbe old provoca
tions rise, stop and tbink. Think
over the old times when be was a sb v
lover, and yoa a bashful girl of your
bridle of your first days of house
keeping, when John praised the bis
cuit and said the cake was as good
at his mother's, (That compliment
covers a vast area!)
Think of the first cradle and its
liny bunch of flannel; of John's ex
tra care of yoa then, and of tbe long
boors you spent together watching
its tiny cunoingness, and so go over
agaio all tbe good leave out the un
satisfactory parts, (unless you put
your own shortcomings ia tbe scales)
and think of the sorrow that uotice
begnning, "Whereas," has given
yoa. ' .
Coax the old pride back. Tbat
will help a wife wonderfully. Why
yoa wonld'nt have allowed your dear
est friend during your first year of
marriage, to whisper certain things
about John, tbat you unhesitatingly
speak of now. It's because you have
lost yonr pride. Coax it back, Mary.
Give np complaints and repinings,
and go nestle by him just as be used
to like to have you do. John isn't al
together a brute, if that notice d es
make him appear so. Stay by bim,
and make yonr home so pleasant, it
will be a model for the children wben
tbey are ready to go to other nests.
John, you haven't lost all yonr
manhood. Met her half way; burn
the paper with tbe notice, and help
ber tbe thousand ways wives love so
well, and wben you celebrate your
"goldenwedding," your cuests will
forget the1 gray hairs and gathering
years because of the glorious sun
shine of tbe happy results of united
aims and twin purposes tbe years
have been unfolding.
By Reipieaf
C1IKI.ST.MAS ADDRESS.
The cuilkren and grand children
of an aged parent were addrf.ss
ed by him a8 follows, on a
christmas mourn and at the
close eacu one wa8 presented
witii a handsome and valuable
u1ft as a memorial of the oc
CASION.
ibis day 187a years ago gave
birth to one of tbe greatest men that
ever lived before or since the crea
tion of the world his birth gave rise
to a new era which has filled the
world with wonder and astonish
ment. No King, Monarch or Poten
tate of tbe past or in the future has
or can ever yield such influence for
good, as was 'and is still manifested
among the people of tbe ' world by
and through him who was born in a
stable on a bed of straw and hay,
and who is known as tbe babe or
retiileham. At his birth the Angels
in heaven sang glory to God in the
highest and peace and good will to
men, because it was the unlocking
of the door unto a sinstricken world
the way of escape from tbe wrath of
an offended. ' 13y tbe disobedience of
our nrst rarents Adam ana h.ve
all mankind were put under the curse
then pronounced by tbe Almighty:
"dust thou art and unto dust tboo
shalt return." Death ever since has
gone forth doing its fearful work
among all clashes and conditions of
men, nut even sparing tbe innocent
babe iu the arms of its loving mother. I
The whole world is a vast field of
graves. We have the places of the
dead around us here in Sbippens-
burg. -W bo among ns have not ex
perienced the sad event of the death
of some loved one at whose open
grave tbe burning tears of sorrow
were made to flow from tbe inward
anguish felt at the last sad sight of a
departed dear mother, father, sister,
brother or some cherished friend?
Yes! we are all mourners and will re
main so nntil we toy are numbered
with the pale nations of tbe earth.
Hut, tbauk God, although we are
mourners, we are not without hope.
The birth of Jesus, whose coming in
to the world we celebrate to-day, has
brought life and mortality into the
world gladness to the' hearts of
millions, whose faith in the great Re
deemer has carried them through
the storms and vicissitudes of life in
to tbat better home, that house not
made with bands, eternal in the
heavens, where the glory of tbe
Father is Bung in anthems of praise
by angels for ever and ever. Have
we not reason to be glad to-dar, in
view of the glorious gift of tbe Son
of God! Jesus became a poor child j
bad even a stable for bis birth-place
that be might make all poor chil
dren good, rich and happy; but not!
only children he also calls on all
young men and women, even tne
boary-beaded of all clases, whose sil
very locks and wrinkled faces admon
ish that the end of time is near at
hand, that tbev, too, even beavilv la
den with sin, may prepare to enjoy
tbe rest which remaineth for tbe peo
ple of God, and which alone can be
secured through the merits of the Son
of God Jesus the Redeemer of the
world.
This is tbe 6!Uh Christmas I have
been permitted to see, whilst nearly
all tbe comrades ot my young days
are dead, a fact that fills me with
sadness, not, however, without
thoughts of thankfulness to God for
having spared my life to Bee asseai-
bled around me so many "flesh of my
flesh and bone of mv bone," whose
sailing faces indicate the inward
pleasure they feel on this occasion of
our meeting. Whether we shall all
meet again is only known to Him
who is over and above ns all. Ie
this as it may, let us be admonished
to have our house in readiness, so
that if we shall not meet on earth
again on a inristmas occasion, we
shall have tbe assurance of meeting
eacn other in that belter land where
there are joys evermore.
in me days ui my boyhood our
christmasses were not attended with
toe presentation oi guts sucn as are
now tbe custom to give. A few
cakes, nuts, maple sugar and the like,
was abont all tbat was then given
and received, and with this the little
folks Were as well pleased, as those
of you now are on tbe presentation of
costly jewelry, 4c. The people in
tbe days of my youth were different
ly trained from tbe habits aud cus
toms now prevailing. Then the
strictest economy in household af
fairs was inculcated by all classes
rich and poor mingled and commin
gled with each other as neighbors
nd friends without any marked dis
tinction in dress all appearing in
neat and plain habiliments, with few
trinkets adorning tbeir persons. Then
there was little or nothing known of
artificial buir, false teeth and all tbe
olber fashionable folieys of dresj
and disguise of persons. Then
there were no oyster, beer and ice
cream saloons to visit and spend
money by, which tbe mast pernicious
habits of extravagance and ruin are
contracted by thousands of young
people, who, were it not for these in
ducements might prove tbemstlves
ornamenta to society and a blessing
to tbeir friends. Then young ladies
prided themselves more in tbe per
formance of household duties than
parading the streets with greeian
bends and bead dresses that would
far more become a grenadier of the1
arm v. The - people in those days
and instead of your fine and orna
mented cooking stove, with which al-
1 most every family is supplied, (most
undoubtedly a useful article.) you
found a large chimney with a hearth
arranged to build a log fire and at
which all the cooking was done, with
kettles, pots and pans, now in a great
measure out of u$e. Honesty, fru
gality and plainness of dress were
the distinctive cnaracterietics of the
people 60 years ago.
And now, my dear grand children
who still require tbe protection and
care of your beloved parents, let me
call your special attention to tbe fifth
commandment: Honor tby father
and mother, tbat tby davs may be
long upon the land which the Lord
thy tiod givetn thee, ibis com
mandment has special reference to
the duties you, dear children, owe
your parents. Bear it always in
mind and fulfill the injunction by
treaties-your. parents with Glial af
fection, true love, pi-re kindness and
prompt obedience aid and assist
ibem in all the various duties apper
taining to the family, and you will
thus smooth down their pathway to
the grave. Do ibis and you will have
done your whole duty tbe command
ment requires and thus secure not
only the reward God has promised,
but ihe dying blessing of vour be
loved parents. With these remarks
I wish you all a happy Christmas.
Henry lit by.
The Nw4e iat Art.
SOME OF THE PIECES AT THE EXPOSI
TION.
The fact is apparent to me, as I
wander from room to room, and from
lookiog at the inanimate exhibits
turn to studying the people, that
Americans have not learned to look
placidly upon tbe bare human figure
as put on canvas or in stone. In
European cities art galleries are nu
merous and easily accessible, and
the public becomes thoroughly fa
miliar with eucb 6igbts. Here art
is comparatively new, and a training
of taste in that direction is generally
lacking. I do not mean to say that
admiration of the beautiful is any
iess a conspicuous trait of Americans
than of foreigners, but simply that a
large portion of us have not ceased
to be shocked by nakedness in mar
ble or oil. Nine American women
out of ten are ashamed while they
view the sculptured sbapesof women.
I detect tbe sentiment in spite of
their forced equanimity, I notice that
the cheeks of the p'etty girl, who, as
she leans on ber escort s arm, is
made to face the picture ot "A Jew
ish Mother Delending Her Seven
Sons," grow rosier in tinge, and that
her eyes droop. The sons have been
crucified and are depicted the size of
life and utterly nnde, without con
cealments by skillful arrangements of
attitudes or bus of drapery, f acing
a row of seven men in that plight,
even in a picture, is a bard orde&l
for this sensitive girl, as well as
many otbers. She bears it with
steady nerves, however, although the
blush will come. 1 observe, too,
that a dry-visaged woman, presuma
bly a maiden, bolts- hurriedly past
all the undressed figures in tbe
sculpture rooms, with averted eye3
and compressed lips, and will only
stop by tbe lubberly children tbat
tbe Italians have chiseled and sent
here. She disapproves lhe public
disclosures of human anatomy, and
doesn't care who knows her opinion.
Even among the stone children she
finds a little fellow who offends ber
bv lacking a fig leaf, or aov substi
tute f-T a tig leaf, and she hurries
dis0-u.-ed out of the building. As I
guess ibeit thoughts, there are few
among the spectators who really dis
associate a pure love of art from a
grosser consciousness of what it is
tbey are seling. Tbey do not for an
instant forget that tbe representa
tions are such as would not be
thought of in the reality. Doubtless
there will come a change in this re
gard. A few more years of increas
ing familiarity with such things may
educate ns to the point of indiffer
ence which Europeans have attained
Then, French bronzes may be put
into our houses as they are imported,
and public art exhibitions may not
be places for girls to blush in. Tbe
acquisition of this accomplishment
has already extended far in what we
call "cultivated classes," as I also
observe in my wondering through
the Art Department.
spect the group shyly. , Men are not
to be scared away by any feeling of
modesty, and unless escorting sisters
or sweethearts, stay on the spit in
numbers sufficient to constancy
crowd tbat part of tbe corridor. I
am aware that snch waxworks, and
worse, are common . in European
museums; tbat antstically they are to
be commended as tnompb. of skill,
jsaB .
oeingioianv nnnsetne etugie usu
ally shown in this - country; but I
don't tbink tbev ought to be thrnst
unwarningly upon tbe sight of mixed
congregations, some of the commis
sioners are of mv war of thinking.
and Cleopatra's stay on the grounds
may be of short deration. Presi
dent Hawley is from Connecticut,
and ia Puritanical. He stops in front
oi Cleopatra, while 1 stand there.
"What do you thing of her?" I
ask. -
"A thing of beauty," he answers,
"but not a joy forever. I guess we
will have to get her out of sfght I
must talk with Sartain about ber."
Mr. Sartain is tbe Superintendent
of the Art Department.
-MODESTY BE-
WHO ENTERS
ask
set
He
the
LEAVES
HIND.
I also seek Mr. Sartain and
him why the fourteen rooms
apart for France are not open,
says he does not know, unless
rrencn comm ssionprs are waiting
for more pictures to arrive. Hun
dreds of paintings are there now,
piled with the faces toward the walls.
Glimpses of a few confirm the present
ment that nudeness will be the strik
ing feature of tbe display. I am
permitted to turn severa of the
frames so as to see wha.t they hold.
The first trial discloses life-size
picture of an utterly naked woman.
I be subject is not clasical. She ia i
French woman of the present time.
Of course, I can't know tbat by her
anatomy, for Nature follows no
changes of fashion in molding human
lorms; nor by clothing, for there isn't
a vestige of any; but by the fact tbat
her bair is arranged in one of the
elaborate styles of the present Tbe
catalogue simply tells me she 19 "A
V oman," and there could be no. mis
take about that And ber turn of a
frame sbows me a recumbant woman
tbe other Is erect; and a third re
veals one who has stripped herself
to the waist to pray, as a pogilist
would for a fight. If Americans de-
Bire to learn the lesson to which I
have alluded, they may make a rapid
progress after the French Depart
ment is opened. San Frtnrlrn
Chronicle.
vited three other drummers to hear
the fun. and tip-toed back to his
room. The wicked qaartette cram
med tbeir handkerchiefs in their
mouths, and during the next quarter
of an hour heard the fond conundrum
put and answered four times by the
unconscious groom and his blushing
bride.
At dinner, as luck would have it
tbe bride and groom were seated be
tween two of tbe drummers, while
the original discovery of the bonan
za sat opposite. Tbe table had been
cleared of the substantials, and or
ders for desert had been given. At
that moment a spirit of mischief took
entire possession of the Cleveland
er. Leaning across the table, he
looked archly at the nearest friend,
and ia dulcet tones propounded tbe
conuudrum:
"Whose duckey are you?"
The other chap waa quite equal to
tbe emergency, and in tones of affec
ted sweetness got in his answer:
"I'se your duckey!"
Two scarlet, rustic faces, tbe flut
ter of a white dress through tbe door
way, two vacant seats at the table
and four crazy drummers laughing
till the tears ran, flashed across the
vision of tbe spectator as tbe enrtaia
fell.
Am AweeaUi l ttatlBSwav
The f allla ( Iba Shaker.
REALISTIC WAX WORK.
There is one thing in the Art De
partment about which there can be
but a condemnatory feeling, judging
it from tbe standpoint of propriety.
Our folks may learn to look unabash
ed at nudeness in pictures and sculpt
ure, wherein the best representations
of the human form are only approach
es, close or remote, to perfect natu
ralness. There is always the sense
cf inanimateness that blunts the
shock to modesty in some degree.
But. is the exceDtional thing to
which I allude, even tbat blush-saver
islackinz. In the main corridor of
tbe Memorial Buildings annex, where
tbe most casual visitors are not like
ly to miss it, a wax figure of Cleopa
tra is displayed. She reclines upon
a sort of throne, and is almost naked.
The workmanship is of the best, and
the effect startling. Tbe flesh tint is
natural, the hair life-like, and every
detail carefullv done. Interior clock
work heaves her bare bosom, moves
ber arms at iotervals, stirs ber legs.
turns her head languidly from side
to side, and rolls her eyes. Her face
and form are beautiful, and tbe ac
cessories are in artistic harmony with
a conception of the Egyptian taeen;
ye', her featrres are not Egyptian,
being rather those - of a beautirol
French woman. An hthiopian slave.
equally nude, stands at her side and
fans ber. ' At ber feet lies a -naked
little boy. A bird flntterson the arm
of her seat A golden canopy bangs
above the groop, all being inclosed
in a glass tse. Tbe whole is sur
prisingly natural so much so tbat it
has a natural effect upon tne specta-
tross. loooggiris come euaceniy
npon it and dra back appalled.
They hae nerved themselves to lock
at the statu1! ry and paCwjres, but this
sight is too unexpected two realistic
to be borne with steadiness. Tbey
Mainly, their faith is tbeir life; a
life of charity, of labor, of celibacy
which tbey call tbe angelic life.
Theologically, it can be most suc
cinctly presented in their formula,
Christ Jesus and Christ Ann, their
belief being that the order of special
prophecy was completed by the in
spiration of mother Ann Lee, tbe wife
of the English blacksmith, Stanley.
She is their second Christ; their di
vine mother, whom some of their
hymns invoke; and for whom they
cherish a filial love. The families of
Shirley and Harvard, Massachusetts,
were formed in her time, near tbe
close of tbe last century; at the latter
place they show tbe room in which
she lived, and where she was once
dragged by the foolish mob which
btilos to found every new religion.
In regard to other points their
minds vary. Generally they do not
believe in tbe miraculous birth or
divinity of Cbnst: He was a divinely
good and perfect man, and any cf ns
may become divine by being godlike.
Generally, also, I should say tbat
thev reject the Puritanic ideas ot fu
ture rewards and
accept something like tbe Swedenbor
gian notion of tbe life hereafter.
Tbey are all spiritualists, recogniz
ing a succession of inspirations from
the earliest times down to our own,
when tbey claim to have been the
first spiritual mediums. Five or six
years before tbe spirits who have
since animated so many table legs,
plancbettes, phantom shapes, and
what not began to knock at Roches
ter, tbe Shaker families in New York,
Massachusetts, Ohio, and elsewhere
were in full communion with the oth
er world, and tbey were warned of
tbe impending invasion of tbe world's
parlo' and dining room set9. They
feel by no means honored, however,
by all the results. But they believe
that tbe intercourse between tbe
worlds can be rescued from the evil
influences which have perverted it,
and tbey have sigts of an eirly re
newal of tbe manifestations among
themselves. In some ways these
have in fact never ceased Many
of tbe Sbaker bymno, words and mu
sic, are directly inspirational, coming
to this brother or tbat sister without
regard to bis or ber special genius;
tbey are sung and written down, and
re then brougat into general use.
Tbe poetry is like that which the oth
er world usually furnished through
its aa-enU in this. hardly up to our
literary standard; but the music has
always something strangely wild,
sweet, and native. O. D. Howells,
in 7.V Atlantic for June.
The San Francisco correspondent
of the New York Times gives the
following anecdote relating to Mr.
Kaistoo:
Wben the question of locks for the
Palace Hotel was under discussion.
one day a plain, common looking man
presented himself and asked if he
was addressing Mr. Ralston, and be
ing answered in tbe affirmative, said:
"I hear you want locks for the ho
tel. I am a locksmith and can make
tbem for you."
Mr. Ralston, looking up, said in bis
quick, sharp way:
"I want 4,000 locks, no two alike,
no one key to open another lock, and
three extra keys for each lock 16,
000 in all; and I want then in three
months."
"All right I can do the job."
"Have you any means to carry out
the contract?" ,
"Not a cent."
"Then how do you expect to be
able to take it?"
"I expect yoa to lend me the
money."
Mr. Ralston looked at tbe mao,
gave him one searching glance, and
seeiog in him the right stuff, replied:
"All right, I'll do it Come here
to-morrow morning, sign the contract
and get the money."
Tbe man carried out the contract
to the letter.
Ilayal Beew Arwatmel.
At the City Hall market yester
day, while a lady was purchasing a
wbiiefisb, a man abont fifty years old.
and a stranger to her, approached ber
and remarked:
"Missus, I have travelled over Eu
rope, Asia, Africa and the Holy Land.
I Dave viewed tbe Pyramids, sailed
on the Nile and fished in the Tiber.
Permit me to offer you a word of ad
vice. Don't cook that fish with the
scales en.,
"I didn't mean to, sir," she indig
nantly replied.
cry weil, missus. I have cross
ed the Atlantic ocean fourteen times;
ascended the Andes; sailed op the
Missouri and down the Mississippi,
and tramped across the Great Sahara
Desert Let roe say one word more:
Cut the bead off before you cook it."
i)o you think I m a heathen!" she
retorted. "I guess I know bow to
cook a fish."
You may. madam you may. I
have soldiered tor (ueen Victoria,
fought for Uncle Sara, drawn a Den-
punishment, and gion, kept a post office, learned to fid
dle, and was never sued in my life. I
beg your pardon, madam, but let me
advise you not to eat tbe beoes of
tbat fish. Some folks eat bones and
ail but they sooner or later come to
some disreputable end." .
"I'll thank you to mind your own
business!" sbe said, as she picked np
tbe fish.
"I have travelled over the smooth
praries," be replied with tbe greatest
politeness, "climbed tbe'Kocky moun
tains, killed Iod'ans, fought grizzlies,
Buffered and starved and perished,
and I leave you wi:b the kindest and
most earnest wishes for your future
welfare. Also, cut off tbe tail before
cooking!"
And be went away.
AvwiallBC TeaaaXatlww.
Plaiek.
lived in one and two-story houses 'escape without delay. Women ia-
A native-born Wolverine can't U
crushed ont by anything short o
death. Yesterday an old man sv
ntv veara called npon the chief of
j j
police and abruptly eaid:
My wife has run away.'
'Aas, en?'
And taken all ray money.'
'Well, that's bad.'
'And nearly all tbe household
goods.'
'Whew!'
'And sbe took tbe children with
her.'
Well, well.' .
'And she ran me in debt $200 . be
fore sbe left' ;
'Sbe did!'
'And I shan't have a place to lay
my bead after to-day continued the
old man.
Well, what shall we do about it?'
asked the chief.
'I know what I'm going to do?' re
plied tbe old man . in a determined
voice, 'I'll marry again ia less than
a week, and before spring I'll have
s hundred dollars in bank!' 11
One of tbe colored residents of De
troit was asked why he did not at
tend the poultry show. A glad
smile crossed bis face as tbe word
"poultry" was spoken, but died
away, in a moment as tbe stern reali
ty confronted bim.
'Dcre heaps o' cbichens dere,
hain't dey?" be asked.
"Yes,"
"But dev are all ia cases hain't
dey?"
"Yes."
"And you want me to go dere and
stand aroond and gaze upon does
chickens which can't come ont of
dose cages,
know jes' bo
do you? No, sab. I
r I'd feel. Bah!"
Two colored citizens had a little
trouble at tbe post office corner on
Saturdav.
'Sir, 1 stigmatize yea as a falae
boodfied, exclaimed tbe first'
And yon, sir, are a cantering hipel
crite." replied the second.
Ab? talk away! but my character
ia above disproacb, growled tbe first
'And your influence don't detach
from, my reputation one Iowa! growl
ed the other.
And thus they parted.
By, wben yoa slide on the banis
ter of tbe front hall stairs, and go
down to tbe bottom so fast tbat it
burns you clean throng yoor trousers,
that's friction.
What does s young fellow look
like when gallanting his sweetheart
through a shower? A rainbeao.
A Western editor nobly effers him
self as s substitute for the injurious-
corset r -
AH tbat a hard-oa man wants is to-
be It t a lone.