JUL- TlT71T71T7lT H AITI 4 TT el JJjJj JJ JljiXolJJLl Ii 13 1 ! l- UP WHIM Bcuotcrj ta politics, itcratuvc, Agriculture, Science, itloraiity, auo encrat lutellig cucc. ; ! AX VOL. 34. PnMisliol by Theodore Schocli. TVitM Two dollars a year in advance and if not paid bf r.' tin .-il l ..f tlio year, two dollars and fifty ctiilx will he ehar-red. a j- X i !.i.i ir di-ontinnd until all arrearages arc pail, e'"?it at the option of the Kditnr. Hit Adv,rtN,nipnt of one square of (ehtht linesi or !hm. on? or three insertions $1 ."(). Kadi additional in ,ertioii, an re tits. Longer ones in proportion. JOIS I'RIYTIA'CJ OP AM. KIXUS, Eiecutod in t lie highest styl of the Art, and on the nio.t reasonable terms. I) R. NATHANIEL C. MILLER, Physician and Surgeon. 03ee and residence: Corner Main and l'ocono Street, ST RO U 1)3 B l' HG , IA., Office hours from 7 to S a. n., 1 to 2 and 7 to S . m. Oct. '2, ISTC-iC. T SE1VL.L., Ii. U. S-ond d or h-1-v.v IMrn-tt Ibic. Residence 2n 1 Jir ft of Hi-ksitp tiak'r Church. OlUce l,.nii s !, 3 a. in., 1 ti :; ji. o to ; p. m. M.iv -.. i ;;-! f. D It. S. JIILLEK. Vliy ici;tn a:iI 3:irgcon, STR0URS1H7RG, Pa. 0. , formerly occupied hy Ir. Sc-ip. nr-dd'tHe ith .!. Mill o:i il .or h.'low h" je't'ersoniau Oilice. S.-i hour-.. 7 t . y. J to ;5 and 6 to o. i iv ii, i: t r. Surgeon E)cnUi. o t'i in .T.i. niin;i;r' nw leiiM ir.p, ne a rly opposite :l l .:r ' itank. i.ls adllllli.-t.led lor r: vlarl i i iv : rind ' i r 1 . dsn. G,"7"i'.-t f. D pnvsinn', si!i:;:-o axd aitouchklr. o r, , ! :i o-; :) in; ill ; nr. n":irlv op- ..!.,-.... n...,5d.i,-c o (v-.ral. Mre.t, f. , -t I-'.-.. ., A iiist ,', -J-if D AMoi'iJeyal I.atv, One d'lir ab-ve the ".Stroud-burg Stroudsharg, P.. C'jllecti-Mis pro-nptlv made. October -22, 7A. II ouse, w. ii.s. ic:isis., XotAvy Public, R)al Ejtatf and Insurance Aent and CONVEY ANOEIl. T.tlrt s-'.-irr'ir. and C'hff'r)rinn in all its brviciie. (.,'' and ;romD;!i,' attended to. i' Azk'ifcltdgm'nt.i taken for oln'r Slatr. 0 5-, ICIslIer's Briek HnilJing, netr the U.K. Dtfpit, k vst .sTitoL'D.snunc;, r.. P. O. V.ix 20. Se;)t2,nbr-r 2-i, 1S7'5. tf. WILLIAM S. HEES, Sarveyor, Conveyancer and Bi3al Estate Agent. Farms. Timber Lands ana To?7n Lots FOU SA O Ti-e nvarlv oppo-ite Atnerican 21 door blow the Corner .Store. March 20, ls7:tf. Iloues DR. J.LANTZ, SURGEON & MECHANICAL DENTIST. '!'! has ?iN oTi.-i" on Miin "tre t, in t hf ici-ond story t'r. S. Waitoti's liii. k Iki :l i i i: ir. to'a r!y oojMiitc tlit- iru-iSiir,' II :is.-. aad tiali-r !. ini-. i f t liai ov ih t";n yiar-'oii-tan! Jrai ti'-c and th- m..-t rariu-t a:,d 'r.;f.i atti-uli m t- all io,itt.-r ji'-rtainin !'i pM f"i'in. Mr.il !: is fuliy a "oh? to ..rfr:ii all o.-r;i! ion in dr-ntal iinc ill tiie inosi careful and ki!lful maii- p"iial -tt?titi 'ii ven to s:i i n t In- Natural T.:h; rIi-i. to thr in-rii .11 of Artificial 'Teeth on UoSLr-r. iA. silver, or rontiiiiioiiH (u:iis, and jicrfcct fOs in a!. " i n -ii r--d . M-nt itvom" know tin' t'reat folly and dan'-T of n trii!' i ii t h dr work to t lv in ex jjcrit -pcrd . or to t 1iom liv ing at a ditanc. AfirU la, l!74. tf. 0pp33iticn taHumbuggs ITT 1 d mi J The u nd -r-ijf ncd licri by aniioiincrs that ho has rc urued itios at t he old ta nd, ii.-M fl mr to Jliisicr's lot tj ii ; More, .Main .ti i'ct. Si ioiidl;irr, I'j., sii J i fully prepared U accuiuuiudatti all in want ;f BOOTS and SHOES, innde in th latest tyle and of pond material. IU'j.air- Ini; pronijitlv altcntcd to. eiive me n call. J-c. 9, ls7"-'ly.J C. L1AV1S WATKIiS. PAPER IIAiSER9 GLAZIEPw AND PAINTER, MONROE STREET, Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop, Stroitdsburg, Pa. Th? undersigned would respecifully in form the citizens of Sirotitlsburg" and vicinity th;it he is now fully prepared to do all kinds of Paper Hanging, Glaziri"; and Painting, promntly and at short notice, and that he will keep constantly on hnnd a fine -tock of Paper Hangings of all descriptions and ut low prices. The patronage of the puhlir: i earnestly solictod. May 16, 1872. I OB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex O ecuted at this office Hrlank mortgage F r sale at this OfTicf. A SNAKE IN THE GRASS. Come, listen a while to me, my lad, Come, listen to tne for a sjiell. Let the terrible drum For a moment be dumb. For your uncle is going to tell What befell A youth that loved liquor too well. A clever young man was he, my bid. And with beauty uncommonly blessed, Ere with brandy and wine Jle began to decline. And behaved like a person possessed ; I protest The temperance plan is the best. One evening he went to tavern, my lad, lie went to a tavern one night. And drinking too much Hum, brandy and such, The chap got exceedingly "tight," And was quite What your aunt would entitle a "fright." The fellow fell into a snooze, my lad, 'Tis a horrible slumber he takes lie trembles with fear, And acts very queer; My eyes! how be shivers and shakes When he wakes, And raves about horrid great snakes ! This warning to you and to me, my lad, A particular caution to all Though no one can see The viper but he To hear the poor lunatic bawl, "How they crawl All over the floor and the wail !" Next morning he took to his bed, my lad, Ntxt morning lie took to his bed ; And he never got up To dine or to ?n;, Tho.igli properly physicked and bled; .-Aid I read i , ,, . ., , , j citday the poor fellow was dead. i lou ve heard of the snake in the grass, mvi i lad. Of the viper concealed in the grass; I'.ut now you may know, Man's deadliest foe Is a Miakc of a iiilTtrent rdass ; Alas! "Tis the viper that lurks in the glass." NAS3Y ON THE ACTION OF THE JOINT COMMISSION. CoNKKhr.p.iT X Roads, ) (Wtk h is ix Tii v. Statu ok Kkxitckv.) f i.' i - t I rr, . j J . e die is east. Ihe deed is dun. After the Mioperhooman effurts uv Tilden and Morrisey to give the j-eoj le a reform rov- crnuient, a unconstooshucl and partizan tnooonel litz countid the yoosurper Hayes into tiie 1 re.-idcne 1 chair, and the Post- . ' - ( b.ices is to bt-coutinyood in the posheshion uv the Radikels. We can't helu it Til- uen can i neip it .Moinsey can t lielp it. i i . . ' . . . . nwi iuii i una n. j mien uiu ins oesi ior purity reJbrm no man livin ever I made more sacrifices in the interest uv a j pure government than he did. lie paid over ;f."U to buy up one elector in Oregon, and be spent over three millions in buyin up voters iu tbe (.ther States. Ef. alter that the idee uv rcfbrni in the Government failed, bis skirts is clecr. The country kin go to the dogs, but he is guilt less. He wr-etd hev spent more money hed tlier tun any place to spend it in, to adruu tage. Tbe news uv the i;ckshen uv the Coin mi.-hn plunged the Corners into despare, iinni'-jitly. iasconi sed he mite ez well make an assignment to-wunst and quit for onless he cood "it sum reddv monev nut . w uv the holders uv fedrel posishens, ther wuz nit ynuse in kcepin his bar open Coiitinyooal chargin wuz altogether too heroic ibr him. And the indignashen uv them cz expeetid federal appintmcnts, wuz tenible. They didn't say much, but there wuz that coinpressin uv the lip, thatominus silence cz they totik their drinks, that meant more than mere words. We met to consider the sitj-ooashen, the nite the uooze leaded us, and stirrcu sjceehes wuz made by me, and the others. The followiu resolooshens wuz offered : Wakkas, The only objick uv the Jint Commishii wuz to declare lildcn elected, aud Wakkas, Ef that wazn't the objick wat wuz the yoose uv hevin a Jint Commishn at all, as Ferry cood jist tz easy declare the cleckshen uv Hayes ez the Jint Coifl mishn, and Wakkas, Tbe Jint Commishn ain't jest exactly wat tbe Dimocrisy expected it wood be, therefore, be it ftifohtif, That the ackshen uv Judge Davis in acceptin a sect in the Senit from Illiuoy, wich pre vent id jdin from goin onto the Jint Commi.shn, deserves the repro basben uv every troo Dimocrat, pervided Judge Davis wood hev votid first, last, and all the time, in an unpartizau way, with the Lhmocratic members cf he had gone onto the Commishn. Ef he wouldn't hev done this, it don't make any difference and this rcsolooshen goes for nothin. Resolved, That the ackshen uv the Dimekratic, members uv the Commishu in stickin like wax to the Dimekratic vcw uv the case, in an unpartisan way, and uever under any circumstances volin with the Radikcl members, meets the demand uv the Dimocrisy uv the Corners, cz bcin in the highest dejgree patriotic and proper. The Dimekratic members, by adherin to their party cz closely ez they did, deserve the harty approval uv every Dimekrat in the land. The Corners scz, "Well dun, good aud faithful servants," and cf wc kin STROUDSBURG, MONROE rake money etniff for another strucrrle for reform, we slid say to them, '-(Jo up higher." Res'dccd, That the acksheti uv the lie pubhkin meinliers uv the Commi.shn, in votin every time in akkonlance with the wishes uv ther party, deserves the severest reprehenshun uv the people. Ther blind partisanship ther inabilited to raise their selves above the level uv llcpublikinism ther stubborn refbosals to vote with the Dimocrisy and let Tilden and reform slide through, shakes our confidence in human nacher, and makes us tremble for the lie public. The Corners with one voice pints the finger uv scorn at them, and withers ein by dee aiin it hez no longer any confi dence in ein. Jtcsocal, That ez the Commishun wuzn't put up ez the Corners wintid it. and ez its decision hezont bin wat the Corners wants, the Corners demands th:jt it to wunst dis solve, holdin that with liradley onto it, it was conseeved in sin and brot fourth in ini.piity, and that it is uuconstitutioobhnel, anyway, and subversive uv the dearest rites of the Amerikin people. licsofiTtl, That cz the decision wuzn't wat we expectid, we don't consider our selves bound by it ; and we demand uv our Representatives iu Congress that they ignore it altogether, and perceed.to wunst. to declare Tilden imd Reform electid, and inogerate him at all hazards. Jiesnlvtd, That the Col tiers pledges it self to send to the tented feold, in the sup- l port uv Cougris, every able-bodied Dime- krat who will go, pervided the Piniokratic N. shiu l Con.mitty will send free passes to Washington and sk-h clothin ez will enable em to make a decent apperence in society. Pantaloons and shoes shood come tir.st. And by this reso'ooshen the Corness .ledges itself tuifesevedlv to irore. 7V.v -tved, Thr.t hevin exhausted all ef forts for a peeceble elceksliun uv Tilden and Reform, we hist our flag, with the words onto it, "Tilden and Reform or Rloed." J!(S'JcaI, That is the solium convickshen uv the Coiners than any (lovernment not in the hands uv the Dimocrisy is uncon stito. hnel, and we refooze to pay any taxes to support any sich. 'J 1 ese rc-iolooshens wuz agoin to he past to wunst, ez all resolooshens wich 1 oiler are, but I red em over twist. "Trends," I sed, "this is the sol umist time we ever had. These resolooshens meen blood possibly they may take yoo away from your homes, and set vou all in the front ov the j battle. Are yoo prepared for this? Pause j aicre yco vote tlf5,jt.rs hl th;s lK(Iy waf ?U. sll0CS a(1 j trcusis, and three sep-.are meels a dav, don't ! thev V was the ivsr1(,s, fV,..,. .,!! the house. i - "Ui.doubtedly," wuz my answer. "Then our voices is for war in the roz uv th .,.m!o...i,o,. " , , : ; ... ,...-.i...v,Tiii u, , ui. mi; U'.'l ,l li till lie j respon.-e. "Ermll us to-wunst, aud send i ..n the inr'l. " I ... I j 'lher am t a more patriotic people iu the country than the Cm-nrs 1 1' i .i w uen me Corners rises tyrants may well tremble. The resolooshens wuz past, and the Corners Uez spoken. We await the ack' sheii uv our Representatives. Petkoi.lum V. Nasijv, Ex-Reformer. A Queer Rabbit Habit. "ome mountaineer ot the J'aeihc coast tells a an rrauctsco paper a strange story of a custom of the "(jwassoes' or Rabbit Indians. It is that of hibernating their babies. The nariator hal often heard the - A t. i . .. 1 ! 1-1 siory ijiiL neer oeiievcr it, wtiieli was creditable to his sense. He went to see for himslf, and saw it with his eyes which is rather hard on the eyes, or else discredit able to bis character lor truth and vera city. He goes on to say that the Rabit Indians, at the approach of winter, on ac count of a scarcity of food, sink their chil dren in the bottom of the lake on the bor ders of which they live, and resurrect them again iu the spring. That they put them in birch bark "mokocks," like on eggshell, sealed up air-tight with gum, bury them beneath the ice for the winter, shake ami wake them up again iu the spring, and find all alive and well, except about two per cent, of deaths not more than would na turally have occurred had the children been running around loose. Put be it said to the credit of this investigation mountaineer, that lie did not go among the Rabbits in time to see tbe children sunk in the lake for the winter, nor did he wait to see them brought up alive ank kicking in the spring. He was present at the wedding feast of the Lady Louisa Na-ga-nup's daughter to one Royle, a broth of a boy from Gal way. The marriage feast lasted a week. He saw some unseated "mokocks" and asked if the story of putting their children to sleep for the winter were true. They assured him it was, and stated that there were three or lour hundred of their, young people now uuder the water since November, and the expected they would almost all to be safe and well about the middle of May, when tliey would he able to supply them with food. This was the evidence, and the mountaineer came away satisfied that the Rabbits would not lie about a few little young ones. Jtside, he saw no children around, and the solemn word of the In dians accounted ior their absence. The medicine men confimed the story of the custom, but our white doctors may well be permitted to doubt it, aud excused if they tlo. Ijoiu's JlrpubKcuti. A German professor figures that every man is worth eight women iu a commercial point of view. COUNTY, PA., MARCH THE BLACK HILLS. now thk r.ovs liv who ari: moGi.vu MONKV IN S1TTINO IJUI.F.'s lMilOsEUVE. From the Denver Tribune. IT. R. Johns, of Greeley, in a letter gives the following particulars about bis recent trip to the Rlack Hills country and experi ence therein : We had but throe pleasant days from (Jreeley to Custer City, and part of the time it seemed almost impossible to keep from freezing. Rut the night we passed Alkali Springs, nearly two hundred miles from Cheyenne, was the roughest we found on the entire trip. It is a bleak, desulute place on the op, n prairie no wood, no shelter, and the hills all covered with snow. We camped here about V, o'clock in tbe afternoon, and an hour afterward a cold storm came up from the north, driving the snow in every direction, sending it in drifts in the corral we had formed with our wa gons until it. was ten inches deep on our beds. The next morning the thermometer stood 28 degrees below zero, and as the stage came along the passengers were too glad to avail themselves of the handful of lire we had to keep from freezing. Nearly all of us froze our lingers and ears, whife George Rai ns froze one of his fejt unite badly while iu bed, but was not aware of it until next morning. The next dav the storm continued until we reached Alum S urn springs, when it cleared up, but was awful cold. every breath freezing our whiskers. The snow continued getting deeper until we reached Custer in many places it, drifted so badly that we had to shovel our way through. At Pleasant Valley, nine miles from Custer, 1 had the misfortune to lose a horse. He got loose in the night, pulled a fifty-pound sack of flour out of the wagon, and at 7 o'clock the next evening he "passed in his cheeks." We reached' Custer on the L'Ud of January, in g,.od health and ap petites that were runhuius to a hotel keep er. Here we loft our wagons an 1 built us sleds out of pine, loaded for other parties for Deadwood, and stored our iroods. We took L:"il) pounds to :t sled, at four cents per pound, but would have done better had we taken 500 instead of 2,j(k, for the roads were horrible. We were six days getting to Deadwood. and our teams looked as though they had been drawn through a knothole. After discharging our freight we drove up to the Buffalo Corral, kept by two Grceleyites. John Harris and William Lynn, vho are in good spirits aud (Icing well. About a mouth ago they bought the place they now occupy fir $3d0 and they were offered 32,20; for the place, in my presence, a f'W days ago. The next day was spent in look ing' around. We went up Deadwood Creek to Gayviile. South Rend. Central, Golden Gate and Gold Run, finding the miners all busy in washing out the dirt they had been drifting through all winter, and meeting with good results. Two 'miles of Dead wood (.'reek is very rich, paying from 3300 to SI, ."300 a day to four men. The balance of the creek pays good waces, say about twenty live dollars a day to the man, while hirewood and Gold Run are some better, but tbe Placer mines are not the prominent mines of the country. Some very licit le Ig'es have lately been discovered, two of which sold, only l:t.vt week, one for 810.0(H) and the other' for 8."0:000 cash. Three months ago the vounir men who sold these ledges were not worth a dollar in the world, while a number of sales of less importance have also been made. The country is com- j pletely covered with quartz, the ledge cropping out everywhere Five led; :es are actually worked by mills now in operation, and three mills more are on the road up to be erected on Whifewood, and large quan tities of ore piled waiting for them. The Uiack Hill contain a population of about 10.000, while 15,000 are concentrated at Deadwood, and as you stand at the bead of .'lam street on Sunday and look down through the principal street, you see a per fect jam cf men on every side. Sunday is the great day in the mines, and merchants and business men look forward to this day as their harvest. Money is getting plenty, and but very little cry of bard times, yet there are a great man' idlers here men that are cursing the country aud trying to get away, while others seem to be satisfied and happy. My opinion is that the Rlack Hills have not been overrated, but offer better inducements to men of energy and perseverance than any other country in the world, and now is the time to strike them, for they are yet in their infancy, but, in my judgment, wiil convince the most credulous as to their richness the coming: summer. Hair Renewer. A correspondent of the New York Her iild gives a simple receipt for restoring or rather strengthening the hair, so that it will grow more rapidly : Steep a handful of sage in a pint of wa ter. When cold strain it, adding one tea spoonful of salt, one gill of bay rum or other spirits. Rottle and cork closely. If a very dark shade is desirable put a few rusty nails into the bottle or into the sage while it is steeping. This not only pro motes the growth of the hair, preventing it from coming out, but restores the color. My hair was coming out at a fearful rate after a severe, illness; this compound ar rested that and restored the color also. "Ma, what is hush ?" asked a little boy. "Why, my dear, do you ask?" "Because I asked sister Jane what math; her new dress stick out so all around like a hoop, and she said 'hush.' " n Iowa boy sued his father, aud got i ii urn ages with a skate strap. 22. 1877. Seasonable Suggestions. In a few days, or weeks at most, the earth all around us wiii respond to the in iluenccs of spi ing-time. It will soon be upon us, for .' ne is relentless, and waits not upoii man's wishes or desires. Are we ready lbr the advent of these in fluences and the activities which are their concomitants in the cultivation of the soil? Have the seeds that are to go into the ground been procured '! Has the proper care and judgment been exercised in their selection 't Let it not be forgotten that upon good seed very much of the profits of the crop depends. Ry all means let us ob tain the best seed of the best tested kinds that cau be had. They may cost some thing f more than poorer sorts, but it is economy, nevertheless, to secure them. M any farmers, in anticipation of the work soon to commence, have put their farming implements in complete order, which will bo required, but there are those perhaps who have neglected them, or have nut had time to attend to them. The sooner it is done now the better ; and if any new on.-s are to be purchased, select those best adapted to the purposes lbr which they are to be Uaed, that have them in readiness. There are none of us that are exempt from failings, and one great trouble with many farmers is the fault of negligence. The delays, vexutijns and losses 'that occur from this source are greater than we are apt to imagine, and the disasters that fol low are often far more costly than we are willing to admit. A day or two sometimes makes a vast dilfercuce in the outcome of a crop. When we "hitch ou" to the plow our teams should be iu a conJition to do the work repaired oi them, and therefore a generous supply of nutritious, strengthen ing food is now necessary, with enough, exercise to enable them to digest aud as similate it. It does not pay to under-feed animals uuder any circumstances, and it is supreme folly to expect a horse that has been poorly fed to do a reasonable amount of hard work in the spring. The horse requires more concentrated food than other live stock, for more hard work is required of him, stiil a variety of food is advisable, fbr his diet may be too heating. The work of the first month cf spring is especially try ing upon horses. If they are not well cared for iu advance, they wiil hardly be able to stand the work repaired of them. Hov: Rubber Boots are Made. The L'lini used is imported directlv from Africa, South America, cud Central America, that from Central America be- ' i iiig the best, while the African gum is the poorest. The raw gam, which is nearly white, is ground several times between immense fluted iron rollers, after which it passes through the composition room, which process is a secret, but when it comes out the gum has the black appearance of com mon rubber. The next process is that of passing the rubber between chilled iron cylinders, of many tons weight, which are kept very hot and very smooth. A part of the rubber intended Tor "uppers," is here spread upon and fastened to long sheets of cloth. The heels and tups are stamped out of sheets of gum of the re quired thickness. The rubber cloth is now carried to the cutter's room, where it is cut out and sent to the bootmakers. The boots are made by men, the shoes or ordinary rubbers by girls, while the over shoes are made by cither. One man will make twelve or fourteen pairs of boots a day, and receive twenty cents a pair. An active girl will make from twenty-five to thirty pairs of rubbers. After the boot- miker is through they are placed in an oven, where lor twelve hours they are sub jected to a temperature of Id0 degrees. They are then ready for boxing and ship ping. Li one factory about four thousand pairs of boots, rubbers, and overshoes are turned out daily. Not A Chicken. At precisely two o'clock by the bells the other morning a policeman who was walk ing up Reaubien street caught sight of a negro who was skulking along a fence, and he called upon him to stop. "Ize in a big hurry a big hurry to ketch tie mawning train for Toledo?" called back the African. The officer threatened to shoot if he did not stop, and the skulker halted. "Does you imagine that I hez dun got a chicken heah ?" he asked, as the officer ap proached. "Yes, sir ; that's exactly what I imagine." "And if I hezen't got a chicken I kin go right down to de depot, kin I ?" "I guess you can." "Well, sah, den ga on dis yerc an' tell me if de name is chicken !" said the man, as he pulled a big goose around in front of him. The officer went back on his word, and took the negro uuder arrest, and the vic tim was yesterday explaining : "W bar's de use ob trying' to get along wid dem 'plicemeu ? De best way is to drop de goose an' make fur de woods." Detroit Tree Press. How to Cure Bunions. A gentleman who "knows all about it," and has tried the experiment with entire success, recommends the following remedy for bunions and corns from which so many suffer, daily : Obtain at the druggists five or six cents worth of saltpetre ; put into a bottle with sufficient olive oil to nearly dis solve it ; shake up well and rub the in llanied parts night and morning, and more frequently if painful. This is a well tried rcmodv. iQ. 41. AN OLD-FASHIUX':!) SCHOOL DIREC TOR. Mr. Timothy Search was highly elated over his election to the vacant chair hi the school board of his district, and he at once began to take an interest iu educational af fairs. He wanted plain teaching-, he said ; didn't want any high-filutin' learning forced upon the scholars, and declared that he would kick the first teacher out of the school-house who attempted to stuff the children with the new-fangled noti ins. 1 uere'ore the new director was startled when his most promising so told him that the teacher proposed to introduce algebra into the school. "What kind of study is that ?" asked Mrs. Search. "Timothy. I'll be bound that it's some outlandish book that the dominie has writ. My son's braius shan't bj stuffed with it." "Doesn't the sound ol the nam3 tell vou what kind of a study it is ?" said Search. "Why, it's the history of a uew-fan-icd animal related to the zebra, I suppose. Eiamed if he shall teach it iu this seiiool district !" That very afternoon tbe new school di rector visited the school for the lirst time. He was graciously received by the new teacher, who was listening to a class in geography. "I understand, Mr. that you want to in troduce the history of the algebra into the school?" said Search. "I had thought of doing so." "Had thought of it, eh ? Well, let ir go no further than that. I don't want my children to know anything about such outlandish animals. The algebra may run wild in his native country, but we don't want, him troubling the children iu our school, that we don't." "Rut Mr. Search, the new study will assist the scholars in mathematics." "See here, that's too thin. If I would read this history of the rhinoeerous, could I subtract better than I do ? Would the biograph- of the giraffe enable me to multiply with more facility ? Now, sir, answer these questions, and tell me how the algebra could advance the children iu arithmetic." "Vou misunderstand me, sir." said the teacher. "Algebra is not an animal no more than hydrostatics." "Hydro thunder!" exclaimed Search. "I suppose you'd like to introduce acrim onies into the school. With my onsent no toiniooiery siiau he fan"- it m this dis- tr;,t i ii it. The algebra is as much an animal as the gyasticutas is, and if 1 hear another word about teaching its history to tbe scholars, I'll be blamed if you can't leave." Sir, I regret thai we differ. What shall I teach ?" "Teach good common sense, sir," tatd Search ; "teach that this world is flat, as reason and cur eyesight tells us. We don't want any round worlds swingin' on nothin' in this distict, and we don't care if the sun is ninety-five miles off. Teach the boy that Andy Johnson was a better me.n than Columbus, and if I hear that you try to make them believe that Martin Van Ruren was elected President honestly, denied if you can't leave this district. We had a feller teachin' here once who talked about Cromwell, Braddock, and a lot of other old Romans, and I worried the directors till they turned him off. You needn't teach the girls anything in particular ; they learn too fast anyhow. The other teacher filled their heads full of Cleo somebody, till they called the boys Antony aud C.vs ir. We want good, solid, education, if you know how old Croesus made his monev, tell the boys, but no stuff of the filthy habits of aljrebra, or any other wild beast. The show business is not paying this summer and we don't want our boys to be Barnum's. and Pan Rice's. You might tell them how Ben Franklin caught thunder and liidmiiu' in a bottle, for that is scientific, but tell them to keep away from walnut trees iu u thunder storm." "You've no objections to my teaching a little hygiene ? ' "I have, sir. No new f.mgled doctrines in this school, I tell you. No high giene and no low giene, but if you want to intro duce Robinson Crusoe into the school, I'll assist you. But no such studies as algebra and high giene while I'm director. After while you'll want to teach that the earth isn't half as bi as the sun. Darn your highfulutin' stuil !" The teacher has a hard row to hoe in Timothy's district, and he doesn't teach algebra cither. Thk toilet of a Japanese damsel is a mat ter of no light consideration, and to be in good time for the fair she must bs up and dressing Lug before the sun rises from be hind the great sacred mountain, Fuji. The long coarse tresses of raven black hair must be washed, combed and greased till the bead shines like a knob of polished black mable ; the cheeks must be rouged to the proper tint; the throat, neck and bosom powdered, carefully leaving, how ever, on the nape of the neck three lines, of the original brown skin of the owner in accordance with the rules of Japanese cosmetic art ; the eyebrows must Le care fully rounded and touched with black, the lips reddened with cherry paste, with a patch of gilding in the centre. A little boy came to his mother recently and said : "Mamma, I should think if ' was made of dust I should get muddy in side when I drank coffee." A smart school boy says it takes thirteen letters to spell cow, aud proves it thus : "Sec O ! double you." i .v. J I ir
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers