r LJJJ Bcuotcu to politics, Citewture, Vgvicnlturc, Science, iHoialitn, awb cncral 3ntc!iigcnce. '0L. 34. Published by Theodore Schoch. T,.RM;;Tro dollars a rear In advance aud if not ril bf r'! th end of the year, two dollars anl fifty :enl will i( rharir.'d. .y N paner di-font-.nnod until all arrearages are niJ exefpt t tlie option of the Editor. es ivertisi'iu-nt of om square of (eierht lines) or I,, j .Mm or tlir-te ins-rtinns ?t 50. Each additional in artion. 5') cents. Longer ones in proportion. JOI5 IMtlXTIXO OF AI T. KINDS, EiocuteJ in the highest style of the Art, and on the most reasonable terms. D R. NATHANIEL C. MILLER, Physician and Surgeon. 02ca and residence: Coruer Main and Pocono Strset, Stroudsbcrg, Pa., Office hours from 7 to 8 a. m., 1 to 2 and 7 to S p. m. Oct. 23. 187fi-tf. J. II. SIU'LIi, 31. O. Si'ind door hel-w Burnett House. Residence :i.l r it of HieUsiie Quaker Church. Office' l,o,tra sua a. ui., 1 to 3 p. m., 6 to 9 p. iu. !! : , is7u-:f. D I;y siciau iind Surgeon, ST 110 UD3 BURG, Pa. '. forni'-rly oei'iitiied hy Dr. S.ip. Residence with .1. r. MillT, n!rri.r 1). low the j-.ir-rsoniun OtTice. '() li m hnirs, 7 to 12 to 3 and o to 9. Jin :l, I tf. D X. E2:JEi, S;u;r'on Ic:itist. O F-e in .las. IMiner's nor building, nearly opposite jhi: Siroirisii-jr Bank. (las aduiuistered for uxtucling .u desired. J i'tunr, l'a. t Jan. 6,T7f-tf. D 5. GCI. W. JAC'KSO. P;!VSiril, AND aitoucheir. OTi"'' in .-vjui-.u-l 11 od"s new building, marly p pjH.:; tin it uftcj. R.-aideue on S;ira elrei-t, u') a Fr.i:i'vli'i. Au'.ist ,'72-lf Divis s. s.s:::, Attoraicy at I-.UW, (;ie lior nh.-ive the ".troudsburg House," Sir jiii-'nir?, Pa. (.'oIlei-iiorH proaiptlv made. O -tooer -22, 1S74. Lr i i.so.y ii:iiis, Xatury iuhlic, Heal Ejtate and Insnranco Agtjnt and CONVEYANCER. T.tln f irr'tei nnd Convynnring in all it. hr.rijli'-s cirffiiHg nnd promptly attended to. Ay'k-xvdfhjnient t;iken for ether Staffs. OTi-, JvHtler'r; Briok Building, near the R.R. Dej. ,t, E VST STROUDSBURG, PA. P. o. n- -V). .St;)tf,!i')..-r -Jl, 1S7). tf. " WILLIAM S. REES, Surveyor, Conveyancer and Raal Estate Agent. farms. Timber Lands and Town Lots FOR SALE. O 5 e tn-'nrlv opposite American Houee an1 .M .1 i ir ln-low the Corner More. Mirc'i il l, 1 S7.H-tf. DR. J.LANTZ, SUR3E0N & MECHANICAL DENTIST. '.i;i his h?s oiSs-a n Main ret, in the coud Urj ''r !-. s. V ihou's lu i.-k tuiMtur, tit-arly of.jvsite the oir.ui .'(..ir il t.iif. mid he flatr ttitus-df that tiv ein t 'e:i v lr (iti-ita.iit nraetie and the most earnest aii rr r.i! ,i t"ii'i'.N U all matters pi-rtaiuin to bis pro fsv!t. that h i fully a't.K U perforin ail rations 'i Hie line in the luost careful aud kkjIIIuI luau nor. (i? -ih! nitpniion civen to arini: the Natural Teeth; ', to the ia'riii.ii of Artitieial 'JVeth on Huhbrr, r"l i. Vdvt-r, or Continuous tJums, and perfect fiU in all '.usnrrt. M p ri ns know the sreat follr and dancr of en tfist! ii t hi-ir work to the inexperienced, or to tho li r- ju aisiauce. April l i, IS4. tl. Opposition toHumbuggeryl The nil l"rijHfd hereby announecs that he has re- n "i i,u-i;i s at the olj'stand, next door to Hosier's S. or.-, Main street, ."strotidshtire, l'a., and is : ii'-parea lo aicoiuiu jaata all iu want oi BOOTS and SHOES, s li in thr lamst stvle and of good material. Repair Y'i pry!;lv iiit.ut,i to. Give m- a -all. isro-jj.j C. LHWIS WATERS. PAPER IIAKSER, GLAZIER AND PAINTER, MOXltOE STREET, Nearly opposite Kauti's Blacksmith Shop, Stroudsbirq, Pa. The undereigned would reaped fully in form the citizens of Stroudsburg and vicinity that he is now lully prepared to do all kinds ut I'aper Hangin?, Glazing and Painting, Promptly and at thort notice, and that he '! keep constantly on hand a fine tock of Paper IIangig of all descriptions and at !w pricos. The patronage of the publir earnestly solicted. May 16, 1872. Dwelling House for Sale. A fy desirable two norr DwcHioz House, contafn- ing seven rMni, one of which is suitable for a Store Room, tiituateon Main8tre in the Borough of Htrudsburf. The I miljlinr. im Mn....t.. mar . A .......... r.nwt a&cLrof it iu irood condition. For tenua 6m.. !!!Jffice. fDec.9,1875-tf. JOB PRINTING, of a II kind neatly ex "ec&tedat thli offic mnramnzmmrw NASBY. THE COXERS DECIDE FOR WAR, BUT JOE BIGLER UNSETTLES THEIR MINDS THE SUDDEN ENDING OF A MEETING. CONFEDRIT X liOADS, (Wich is the State uv Kentucky), The infamus countin out uv Tilden, the Reform candidate, in spite uv the nirp;er killid, bulldozin and intimidashun we did to kerry Floridy, Loozaner add South Kerliny, will fro down into histry ez the final stab at the liberties ur a brave and opprest people. I hev no words to express my indijinashen at the deed, or my loathin uv the deeders. When I think that over a thousand niters was killed in them Suites, and that the killin uv that thous and scared for at least a thousand more ; when I think uv the pains we took to keep ablishinists from votiu, and when I think uv the masterly way we countid in the parishes our rifie clubs took control uv, and that after all this we wuz countid out by the Returning Boards, and sich, unheld by the minyuns uv lVdrel power, I hev no hesitasheu in assertin that our pretense uv liberty is a holler mockery, and that the idee of a government by the people mite ez well be abandoned at wanst. The Corners resolved never to submit to the outrage, and the minit the Yoonitid States Mar&hal got away, the war frelin got so intense, that it bed to have vent. Tber aint only one way for the Corners to work off its excitement, and that is by a a mcetin. I called one immejitly, and so intense wuz the meeting that every citizen, uv the Corners was present. I never seed sich a f'eelin since I wuz a cl.i'd. There wuzu't any loud, blusterin, onnecoss.iry talk men felt it wuz no time for talk, but ackshen. Their wuz that com preshen uv lip, that stern look, that thot ful cxprcshen that one sees here only in times uv grate public danger, or when Rascom presents his bill to the citizens with the hartless remark that you don't git another drop till that is paid. Dekin Pogram remarkt that the countin out uv Tildt-n wuz an outrage to wich the Corners wood never submit. The Cor ners had made sacrifices afore for constitu tional liberty, and wood agin. Ez old tz he wuz, lie had shot Fedrel pikets, and the age bed dimmed his eyes and tl e newnis uv, Rascom's likker hed affected his nerves, he believed he cood do suthin in that way 3 it. He desired nothin so much cz to git a crack at an ablishnist. He preferred kiiliu ubiishtiists to niggers any day. L-sakcr Pogram wuz more in earnest, lie wautid war anyhow. He wuz tired uv all this beatin about the bush. He had killed niggers to keep cm from votin, wich he felt wuz a base compromise. It wuz an admishn that the nigger hed a rite to vote he wuzn't killed, with he wood never con sent to. He wantid an applie to arms that the rite uv the proud Caueashn to rool might be established furcver. Ilis voice wuz for war. He wuz thirsty for gore. Xo compromise for him war to the knife. Capt. MePelter wuz for war. He had suffered wunst and wuz willin to agin, lie wuz glad that Tilden wuz countid out, for it showed the South that thev hed nothin": to expect from the ablishn North. War wuz the onlv resource left a free petndc. The resolooshens presented breethed a warlike spent wich almost alarmed me They wuz ez follows : Wareas, The Dimocrisy uvthe South em States by virtune uv that eternal vi;zi lence wich is the price uv liberty, and shot guns, triumphed over abhshism in Floridy, South Kerhny and Looisaner, and. Wareas, To do this required constant ridin, aud an expenditure uv buck shot onparallelled in the history uv eleckshurs, and. Wareas, When you hev killed a nig ger, or hung a white ablishnist you arc entitled to the benefits resultin from it, and Wareas, Ablishn oiiishls and Return in Roards hev cooly thrown out all parishes were a decent regard for a Democratic trump compelled us to prevent nigger votin, and thus given the States to the Radical Hayes : therefore, be it. Resolved, That the Corners, realizin the gravity uv the fcitoashen, and felin the importance uv its ackshen, declares that it never will stand it, that it will never sub mit to this outrageous interference with its rites ; that it will never consent to the inograshen uv an Ablishnist, but will take up arms, and never lay em down till the last vestige of Radikclim is wiped out. Ilesohtd, That the Corners is for war, and that whether the Dimocrisy uv the North submits or not, it never will. Resolved, That we accept no compro mise, but we will hev all we claim or fite. Resolved, That what we want is a South ern Republic, and a divorce forever from the North, sich cz wuz contemplatid in' 18G1, and for which we struggled till we wuz overcome by the power of the hordes wich Liukin hurled upon us. These resolooshens wuz passed yoonani- mously, aud three cheers and a tiger wuz given with a fcrver that showed that the old war sperit hed survived, and that all that was necessary wuz an oppertoonity. Just at that minit Joe Digler rose and desired to make a few remarks. A native uv Kentucky he shood go with his state, bat be questiened the wisdom uv goin. Ef we secede agin, who is to pay the south ern war claims? He understood there wuz suthin over 200,000 uv em in the Cor ners alone, and cf yoo cut off the North, who is to pay em? Bascom growd pale and bitched oneasily in his scat. And then agin he eposed the bretbern I STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., FEBRUARY 8, 1877. wich wuz a thirstin for goar, fondly im agined thct ef we hed a republik uv our own thct every one uv em wood hev a post offis, and a collectorship. Fatal delocsiou? The moment seceshn was established aud the noo government formed, ther wood be an influx uv Northern Dimocrats down here, who wood take every place in the gift uv the government. Fernaudy Wood will come The meet in howled. Dirty shirt Dean wood come More howls. Little Sammy Cox wood come Increased howlin. The hundreds uv thousands wich ex pects offis under Tilden wood come, the re pesters wood come, the literary burow wood move down here, and wat chance wood we hev, with sich strangers in our gates. And think uv Trumbull, uv Par mer, think uv that vast army wich hev bin in a minority iu the North so long, all a rushin down, here, like grasshoppers in Nebrasky 1 The Ablishnist you kin shoot, but yoo can't shoot yer friends. My frend Rascom, think of hevin a hundred Nasbys all a goin on tick in place uv wun, and then think uv the poor South bciu taxed to sup port cm all. Rascom hurriedly left the house. There wuz a deep silence fell onto the house, and for a minnit every man uv us wuz wrapped in thot. Rigler resoomed : ''Think uv being taxed for your own clames, and colleckshun bein enforced by bayonets! A Southern bayenet hezjest cz peekid an end cz a Northern wun, aud" This prospect finished cm. With one prolonged howl, they rose cz one man, and glided out uv the house. And afterward in Rascom's they wuz a talkin uv the ad vantages uv yooyun, aud swearin that nacher intendid the two seckshuns to live in harmony, and that ef the Northern Dimocrisy wantid war they wood hev to make it. I don't suppose I kin ever git them people into a mcetin agin. Petroleum N. Nasby, Ex-Reformer. THE DEVIL'S OWN. A MAN MURDERS HIS WIFE WHILE KNEEL ING AT PRAYER THE HUSBAND ELOI'ES WITH HIS WIFE'S SISTER THE GUILTY PARTY LYNCHED AND CREMATED BY THEIR NEIGHBORS THE DETAILS OF THE HORRIBLE AFFAIR. From the St. Joseph Mo., Herald. Albert Kline came in this evening from Iowa and reports the particulars of a horrible tragedy which occurred on Friday, the 13th ult., near the banks of Platte River. About one year ago Phil. Ames moved into that neighborhood, bringing with him a wife, a little child and" his sistcr-in law. He secured a small piece of land, and erected upon it a neat two-story dwelling. For a time all things appeared to go on nicely inside the family mansion, but it soon became evident to those who grew intimate with the Ameses that there was a skeleton in the house, and that all was not lovely as it should be. There was a coldness growing up between the husband and wife, only equalled by an apparent warmth existing between the husband and the sister-in-law. The neighboring women noticed that the wife appeared often in tears, was neglected and left unprovided for, while her sister received the smiles and caresses of the husband. Whole days tne wile passed alone, having no company save the child, a bright, golden-haired girl of five summers who clung to her, and in whose existence she appeared to live and have her being. At lentgh, on the 10th of November, the little girl sickened ar"4 suddenly died. It was buried the next day a rude country burial, a bitter cold north wind, leafless trees, and a cheerless grave, crushed the mother's spirit and broke her heart. Then it was that the spirit of Cain appeared to take possession of the husband. He frequently beat his wite, drove her from his bed and forced her to occupy a miserable straw and husk pallet on the kitchen-floor, while the sister occupied the place which belonged to her. At length the wife, driven to despair, told the story of her wrongs to Mrs. Rosa McGuirc, and she laid the situation in the Ames household before her husbu'arid, and he soon had the men of the neighborhood worked to the point of lynching the unnatural husband. They 'visited the house, and would have hung the monster, but for the pleadings of his wife, who went down on her knees before the angry crowd and the life of the man who had so wronged her, while her sister at the' first sound of danger had sought safety in flight. The neighbors listened to the poor woman's appeal, removed the rope from the man's neck and set him free. To any but a man possessed by a devil this would have proved a warning that would have turned him into better ways. Rut not so with Ames. Scarcely had the crowd dispersed when he went to the barn, saddled his horcs, and returned to the house with a heavy curb bridle. Up stairs kneeling and at prayer, with a photograph of her dead child in her hand, he found his wife. In an instant he struck her to his feet with the bit, dragged her to the head of the stairs and threw her to the floor below, where he continued to beat her with the bridle until life had departed. In the meantime the sister re turned from her hiding-place. Another horse was saddled, the body of the dead woman was thrown across the saddle, the sister ridiug one horse and leading the other. Ames walked alongside and held the body in position until they arrived at the river, where a hole was cut in the ice and the body thrust outi of sight. Ayoting man returning home saw the nartios ionr. neying to the river, and when he reached the settlement told what he had seen. A number of armed men started in pcrsuit, and arrived at the river bank just as the murderer and his paramour were mount ing their horses. They were called upon to halt, when Ames drew a revolver and fired into the crowd. The fire was retunred by a volley and the guilty woman fell dead from her horse, shot through the neck. The man put spurs to his horse and at tempted to escape in the dark, but a fortunate shot brought his animal down and the murderer was captured. A rope was provided and all necessary arrange ments made for a frontier funeral, when the wretched man made a confession, the chief points of which are incorporated in the above statement; and he further stated that the sister of the wife had administered poison to the little niece, in order to get her out of way, and that they were planning the murder of the wife, that they might live unmolested together. In this they were prevented by the mob of a few hours before, and that they killed the wife as above stated. The rope was thrown over a limb, strong men pulled at the end of it, and the next instant a quivering body was suspended in air. A number of logs were then rolled together, brush was piled upon them, and the bodies of the inhuman being placed iu their midst. A match was applied to the pile, and all that now re mains to mark the spot and the tragedy is a bed of;ishes. The body of the murdered woman was recovered on Saturday and buried by the side of her dead child. A Revival Incident. Simon Stringer was a bluff old farmer, who prided himself upon being a plain, mattcr-of fact man, about whom there was no foolishness or sentiment. On more than one occassion he had mortified his wife and daughters by hustling them out of religious meetings when they had begun to show signs of emotion. He said he didn't be lieve in "mirakerlusconvershuns," and tl at people who cried and yelped over getting religion "wasn't gcttin it by a dumed sight." " He believed that the genuine article was soothing and calming, and not exciting in it influence. Once the held a protracted meet ing in his neigborhood, and as it was carried on without sudden outbursts of feeling, Simon too kindly to it, and attended re gularly. On Sunday morning he proceeded to lay him out two suits of clothes. "Why, Simon," exclaimed his wife in her shrill tone, "whatever do you want of too suits of clothes t "That's my business, not yours," he re plied gruffly. ''You lay out my black suit for me to put on, and wrap up the brown one in a bundle, and don't ask any foolish questions." His wife wondcringly, silently complied, and Simon donned one suit, with the other under his arm, and mounted his horse and went away, followed by the anxious eyes of !. I 1 c. i i me oig aim nine stringers, wno marveled greatly, and said one to another : "What's dad going' to do with his other clothes?" Simon didn't return till supper time. He took his place at the supper table, which was the usual signal for the family to begin an on slaught upon the victuals, but on this occasion his voice arrested evei y arm in its descent, and for the second time that day, astonished the Stringers. Glancing around the startled circle, he thus delivered him self: "I want it understood that the head of this household has this day'been baptized. He is a follower of the meek and lowly Jesus, and the first critter at this table that dips into anything before a blessin' is asked will get snatched baldheaded. Drop your eyes, ye heathens." The blessing was asked, and the meal was eaten in 6ilence. After the chores were done, the String ers were stringing off to bed, when the stern' voice of the old man again arrested them, and filled their minds with grave forebodings as to what was coming next. He addressed them as follows : "Come into this room every devil of you, and flop down on your knees. It is my duty as a devout Christian to have family worship, and I'll ha?c it too, and have re spectful attention, or I'll bust some domes tic ties assunder. This mansion must re sound with praises to the Most High, or it will resound with some one gettin'a of a thrashin' I mean bein' severly chastised. The first one. who snickers or makes any onsecmly noise, I'll get up and throw a cheer through him or her, as the case may be. Let us pray." The prayer was prayed, and never was there' a more attentive audience. This sort of thing continued about two weeks, and the Stringer family was kept in a state of extreme misery. The youugtr members had been several times severely whipped for conduct unbecoming the child ren of a- tree believer, and the older ones had received such harsh reprimands for failing to fall into the order of things and comport themselves with true dignity. Then one morning Simon came in- with a bad limp, a battered milk pail and the" knees of his pants torn. Dropping into a chair at the table, he plunged his fork Into the nearest dish. The children looked up from the backs of their plates, questionably, and their mother ejaculated : "Wy, Simon I "Shut up, and eat F He growled, and then in a few moments added : irTli!ts Klc!n' onit'nrr!ii' hnt?nrca Jc cne X Ill's UibCUlii ut.v. fa v. j p hv...j . u cuo pended for h while. I don't forget my oh- resume 'cm arter conquered thatdol dinged red beifer. The 'tarnal critter prcsooms too much on my Christian furbearance. Durn a hyprocrite 1 I won't pray when my soul ain't onto it. It's too great a strain. Fur the time bein' I have decend cd from grace. Pass the tomattusses." A sigh of relief went round the circle, and if the red beifer had known how she had risen in the esteem of a majority of the Stringers, her fractious soul would have leaped for joy. That was several years ago, and now the red heifer is a cow, and the worst one in the neighborhood. The Stringers say, as they punch and plague her, "As long as we keep old Red wild, dad won't git any more of that awful relijun." They Carried it Too Far. Mr. Rutterwiek called in to sec us the other day, and in the course of the con versation he said : "I'm going to move. I can't staud those Thompsons next door to me any longer. They're the awfullest people to borrow things that I ever saw. Coffee and butter and sugar and flour I don't mind so much, although wheu a woman borrows high priced sugar and Java coffee and sends back sand and chickory, a man naturally feels mad. Rut they've borrowed prett near everything in the house. First it's one thing, then it's another, from morning till night, right straight along. "Now, there's the poker. A poker is a piece of machinary that you would think anybody might go around and buy, or, if they couldn't afford it, they might use a fence paling to shake up the fire. Rut Mrs. Thompson seems to hanker after our poker. She borrows it fifteen or twenty times a day, and last Saturday she sent for it thirty-four times. She pays a boy two dollars a week to run over and borrow that poker, and she's used it so much that it's all bent up like a corkscrew. "Now, take chairs for instance. She asks us to lend her our chairs three times a day, at every meal, and she borrows the rocking chair whenever she wauts to put the baby to sleep. "A couple of times she scut over for a sofa, and when the boy came back with it he said Mrs. Thompson was very mad, and kept growliug round the house all day be cause there were no castors on it. Last Monday she borrowed our wash boiler, and we had to put off our washing till Tuesday. She did her preserving in it, and the consequence was all our clothes were full of preserved peaches. I've got on an undershirt now that I'm mighty doubt lul if I II ever get off, it s stuck to me so tight. "Every now and then she has cotr.piriy, and them she borrows our hired girl and all the parlor furniture ; once, because I would not carry the piano over for her, and take down the chandelier, she told the girl that there were rumors about town that I was a reformed pirate. "Perfectly scandalous ! They think nothing of sending over after a couple of bedsteads or the entry carpet, and the other day Thompson says to me : " 'Rutterwiek, does yonr pump log pull up easy ?' "Aud when I said I thought it did, he said : " 'Well, I would like to borrow it for a few days till I can get one, for mine's all rotted awa'.' "The only wonder to me is that he didn't try to borrow the well with it. "And then on Tuesday Mrs. Thompson sent that boy over to know if Mrs. Rutter wiek wouldn t lend her our front door. She said theirs was. away being painted, and she was afraid the baby would catch cold. When I asked him what he sup posed we were going to do to' keep comfor table without any front door, he said Mrs: Thompson said she reckoned we might tack up a bed-quilt or something. And when I refused, the boy said Mrs. Thompson told him if t wouldn't send over the front door, to ask Mrs. Rutterwiek to lend her a pair of striped stockings and a horse-hair bustle, aud to borrotf the coal scuttle till Monday. "What she is going to do with a bustle and a coal scuttle I can't conceive. "13t they're the most extraordinary people ! Last fourth' of July the boy came over and told Mrs. Rutterwiek that Mrs. Thompson would be much obliged if she'd lend her the twins for a few ininutcs. Said Mrs. Thompson wanted 'cm to suck a new bottle top, because it made her baby sick to taste fresh India rubber ! Cheeky, wasn't it ? Rut that's her way. "Why, I've known her fo take off our Johnny's pants when he's been playing over there' with the children', and send him home bare legged to tell his mother that she borrowed them for a pattern. And on Thompson's birth-day she said her house was so small for a party that if we'd lend her ours we might come late in the even ing and dance with the company, if we wouldn't let on that we lived there. "Yes, sir ; I'm going to move. I'd rather live next door to a lunatic asylum and have the maniacs pouring red hot thot over the fence every hour of the duy. Indeed I would." Max Adder. A promising youth of only seven sum mers', who had beerr aecased of riot always" telling the truth, cross examined his father. "Father, did you use to lie when you were a boy?" "No, my son," said the paternal, who evidently did not recall tire past with" any distinctness. "Nor mother, either ?" persisted the young lawyer. "No, but why?" "Oh because I don't see how two people who never told a lie could have a boy that tells a3 many au I do. NO. 35. The Careful Man. Soon after noon yesterday a .stranger entered a Woodward avenue hardware store and aslccd if they kept shingle riai'li there. Reing informed that they had a dozen kegs on hand, he further inquired : 'Arc' thoy genuine shingle nails, or only imitations?' . 'They are shingle nails", of course.' 'Let me see them.' A handful was placed on the counter before him, and he took several nails to the door, where he could get a stronger light. After scanning them thoroughly, he tested two or three between his teeth, tried to bend them between his fingers and said : 'Well, they seem to be all right arid I'll take five pounds. I don't want to appear captious, but I bought some shingle nails along here about a month ago, carried: them home, and what do you suppose they turned out to be.?' 'Six pennys?' answered, the clerk. 'No, sir. They were shoe pegs, sir I' 'That was strange,' mused the clerk. 'And another time when' I ordered shingle nails,' continued the straiigcr 'the' clerk put up fuur stove handles, three nutmeg graters aud a coffee mill. Can I build a cow shed out of coffee mils ? Can I shingle a barn with stove handles? Cart I clapboard a house with nutmeg graters? 'Curious mistake,- that,' said the clerk. Another time,- when I aked for shingle nails, they put me' up four corn poppers and a match safe. These things have sunk deep into my foul, and you musn't blame me for seeming particular. Now, these ave nail, arc they ?' 'Of course.' 'Shingle nails ?' 'Yes, sir . 'J ust write it on this card and give me your name, the name of the firm, the num ber of . this store and the date of the month.' I dont want to make trouble, but if I find when I get home, that you have put me irp batb-bricfc and harness straps" in the place of shingle nails, I'll come back here and make it warm for you: A Schoolboy's Revenge; Judge Pitman's boy Rill acquires learn ing in a log schoolhousc. At one' place the plaster between the logs is broken away, and through' this aperture Rill endeavored to escape feet foremost during school hours one day last Summer. Unfortunately, he' stuck fast when half way through, and he could neither return nor retreat. Wherr the attention of Mr. Simes, the teacher was directed to the culpurt, Mr. Simes pro ceeded to the interior of the edifice and embraced the opportunity afforded by William's position to hammer with a: shingle. Then young Mr. Pitman- was pulled out and plunged into sums in vulgar fraction. Near the school house there is a millrace, at the end" of which there is" a sluice gate. Immediately .below the gate' there is a huge, deep tank, which carries the water to the wheel. The inside of the tank is" green and slimy, and when the wa ter is drawn carefully out of it a great many fish can often" be found lying in1 the bottom. The tank ra fifteen feet deep. A few days after the flogging Rill happened to pass the' tank and looked in. He saw 31 r. Simes at the bottom picking up fish and puttin them in a bag. William felt that the hour Of vengeance had struck. He turned the' handle of the sluice gate, and in less than a minute that jolly old pedagogue was flun dering in six feet of water, trying in vain to clamber up the slimy sides' of the tank. When he saw you'ng Pit man he shrieked to him for help. Rut Bill, with a fiendish coo'ness, said : "No, sir ; you've got to tread water till you .promise never to lick me-" again." Then Simes solemnly pledged him self never to strike another blow at him, aud Rill let the water from the tank and helped Simes out. That night when Rill got home' he found Simes there conversing with the judge, and five minutes later the" judge was fondling William with a trunk strap, while Simes sat by and smiled. William has since expressed the opinion confidentially that Simes is a perfidious scoundrel. Western Paper: Unpatented but Efficent. A roving agent stopped- at' old Si's house on Friday. "Ah, sir, I am' introduin'g to the citizens a new and excellent paterit fire kindler." He sat down a tin bucket and prilled out one of his turpentine swabs. "Wha, der yer call dat?" saked old Si. 'That sir, is my patent fire kindler, which largely facilitates the operation of " "An' yer wants ter sell me one ob dem tings?" . "Yes, sir, I should like to." "Im 'bleeged ter yer fer de kin ncss, but yer see Fro got a eight year ole gal in disv house' d it's got dat fire-kindlin' contrack, an, dis kesh right ban' ob mine ferliseratcs de operiishvws- wheneber dar's a falliu' off ob'd'e wiHin'ncss." The agent decamped, and old Si turned around- ttr remark r "Long ez'dar's light'ood in Gcorgie an marrcr in de ole man's bones he ain't gwine ter freeze ter death for de want of aturpy time fire starter." A FEMALE Colorado poet writes of her first-born iu this wise : Tiddy ickle toolsey turn, Why does it such faces make ? Is a pin a-Mickinj in it? Kaa it get a rusimic schs?" r
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers