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Scuotcb to politics, itcratuvc, VgvicnUuvc, Science, illovalitn, anb fficncual ntslligcucc.
i imuu.iwi in mi -phi mi.
FuMishcd by Theodore Schocb.
TrlMTwn -loll ;irs a year in advanrn and If not
ril: ! !)!' ri! thn end of the year, two dollars ami fifty
Lt w ill k'-li.ir;-l.
K.i N 'ai'T di-vontinuod until all arrearages are
. t Om nut ion of tho Editor.
P 'V? V l .-'Tti-. .'ini'iits f on; s.'iaiv of (ei?M linos) or
mi r tli r-" iticrtins si .:. Karh rdditional iu-
rtioti, ") c l:',r "s "", proportion
OF ALL KINKS,
Executed iu the? hiu'li'-t stylj of tlio Art, and on tho
most reasonable tonus.
U. NATHANIEL C. MILLER,
Physician and Surgeon.
O.Ece and residence: Corner Main and Pocono Street,
Office hours from 7 to 8 a. ni., 1 to 2 and 7
to S p. iu.
II. sssrs.i', 33. S3.
svin.l djor h.'lv.r Ttnnictt House. Ttssidrnoe
;ri! ilur n-,".t of llii-ksiie ij.iaktr Church. tfiicc
h r- S t-) 9 a. in., 1 to 5 p. in., t to 1 p. iu. ,
X ty C", HTTi-t!.
I'lj.Visiciiia and Surgeon,
o-l f r;i r!y occupied by Dr. Sip. Rsid?nee with
.1. H. Mi!! r, "n- d.-jr lrbw t!i? Jfrrjoiiiati UiHce.
it;!i, . h nrs, 7 to U to :i and G to 9.
M.ir !1, 1 ;. t;'.
O Ti -s in K'inst'-r's now buil linj, nearly opposite
th S.i-;j !?.iu!c. aunniULrvd for exlacting
i i: !i '1 '! r 1 .
s-rjjl.ocri, i'a. Jan.0,6-tf.
riiysinw. sr."C3X ad aitmituecs.
05.., I., i'iin ! M -d' r.w b-jtMin?. nearly -p-p,.;-
t;, o M i:ii:o. i:iivncv u J'arali Mrt-et,
(v.- l"i .11.'. :;n.
AJioi-sioy at laiv,
One (1 or alt ive the "Stroud-'burg iloiiFe,"
ir l-'i irir, la.
f.iikvtioin proitiptlv maile.
O ,-:,)!kt J2. 1?74.
Eal Estate anl Insnranne Agent and
r..'.'- a -vi -c.V- nn.l Ctr.i':nnc'tng in all its
Ir.i ulie- currj-i!lj am! promptly attemled to.
X;'; j '!'.': I '.:(. taken for of .'cr State.
O.'i.v, ::ist!er's Crick Iimlin?, near the II. K.
i: VT STItOL'DSDURG, PA.
p. o. r.-- j i.
Se ;e !i i.jr J ;, l.TT. tf.
WILLIAM S. RSSS,
Sarvsyor, Conveyancer and
Eaal Estate Agent.
Paras. Timber Lands and Torn Lots
01"e nnrlr oppo-itf An'.orlran IIoucs
2 i i ) r r.v the Corner Store.
Unroll 2), li71-tf.
DR. J. Li A N T Z,
SURGISON & MECHANICAL DENTIST.
1:11 fin his n.!W on ;.!-;ii! stn-i-t, in the sc-ond story
-'f L . V.t!t.-.n'! brick t..:il ii'itr, iK-aily o;(prjite the
a:r ..i-i, , ;r il us,-, a 11. i !i- ii.il -i liimdf tlxit by oi.-rh-v
-ars m-i'.rit pr;i;'ii..-o and the n:ot carn'-st and
f '.r'f;iUiiii'iiiii'p all niaiti'1'9 pi-rtai :ii:i'J to hi pro-l-r;.,ii.
(i; :(t i, r ijiy a';l '. to ).rf'roi all pratin
i 1 th J -iit.tl iiiiff in the mo-t curcl'iil a:id skillful snau-nt-r.
pe-,!;il ".t'.-vition rivon to caving thf Natural Tt'Ptli ;
aKi. to ;V? i:'-!ii..n of Ariiticial Trl!i on P.ul.tfr,
0'i! l.i!v'i'iiir ron!inuo:is iuni, and perfect fits in all
i II -Nil r.-:.
M .t pr knn th-,4 ',T"at folly and danijpr of en
t noting thi'ir wjrk.t:j lUc iai-xpcricncrd, or to those li v-In--
at a d:?tai"'. April 13, 1S74. tf.
Opposition to Humbuggery!
Tli mi l'T-.iRi'd hen y anu-ni!-s that h" liaj re
"i ii -j ii.-s- at the oldtand, u-i.t lor to Kn.-tr's
i;r!ii;!.' S;.M Main .street, troudsburtf, I'a., and vs
m.iy jireparcd to accoinmodat all in want of
BOOTS and SHOES,
vrM in latent Ktyln and of $rool material. Ilepair
1 proiiipilv attt-iiU'd ti. (iive nie a call.
GLAZIER AND PAINTER,
Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop,
Tlie unfiersigncd vvould respectfully in
form the citizens nf Stroiidbiirg1 and vicinity
that he is now fully prepired to do all kinds
of Paprr Ilannrinjr, (Jlazin anJ Paintinjr,
promptly Htid at fchort notice, and that he
keep constantly on hand a fine t-tock ol
Pper Ilangincrs of all descriplions and at
low prices. The patronage of the puhlir
J earnestly solicted. May 10, 1872.
Dwelling House for Sale.
A very desirable two story Dwelling House, contsin
JA in wen rooms, one of which Is suitable
fV- VTk for a Store Room, situate on Main street.
iJJJJif iu the JVroiih of .Str judsbur. The
ilijitSJ '""ildiug is uearlv Dew, and ev-ry part
terc' "f i t i u &xd condition. Kor terms c,
at this office. fDcc.9, 187o-f.
JOB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex
J ',uted at this orcce
Following is the text of the bill :
A Bill to provide fur and regulate tlie
counting of votes for President and Vice
President, and the decision of questions
arising thereon, for the term commen
cing March 4, Anno Domini, 1877.
lie it, enacted hy th? Snmtc and House,
of Rcinu xciitativcs of (he United Sidles of
America, in Congrats assembled That the
Senate and Hovse of Representatives shall
meet in the hall of the House of Represen
tatives, at the hour of 1 o'clock Past Meri
dian, on the Crst Thursday in February,
A. 1). 1S77, and the President of the Senate
.shall be their presiding officer. Two tel
lers shall be previously appointed on the
part of the Senate, and two on the part of
the House of Representatives, to whom
shall be handed, as they are opened by the
President of the Senate, all the certificates
and papers purporting to be certificates of
Electoral votes, which certificates and pa
pers shall be opened, presented, and acted
upon i:i the alphabetical order of the States,
beginning with the letter A. and said tel
lers having then read the presence and
hearing of the two houses, shall make a list
of the votes as they shall appear from the
said certificates, and the votes having been
ascertained and counted as in this act pro
vided, the result of the same shall be de
livered to the President of the Senate, who
shall thereupon announce tlie state of the
vote and the names of the persons, if any,
elected, which announcement shall be
deemed a sufficient declaration of the per
sons elected President and Vice President
of the United States, and, together with a
list of the votes, shall be entered on the
journals of tlie two houses. Upon such
reading of any such certificate or paper,
when there shall be only one return from
a State, the President of the Senate shall
call for objections, if any. Every objection
shall be made iu writing, and shall state
clearly and concisely, and without argu
ment, the ground thereof, and shall be signed
by at least one Senator and member of the
House of Representatives before the same
shall be received. When all the objections
so made to any vote or pajier from a State
shall have been received and read the Senate
shall thereupon withdraw, and such objec
tions, shall be submitted to the Senate ibr
its decision, and the Speaker of the House
of Rej resent. a tives sh.il! in like manner sub
mit such objections to the House ot Repre
sentatives for its decision, and no Electoral
vote or votes from any State from which but
one return has been received, shall be rejec
ted, eicept b" the affirmative vote of the two
houses. When the two houses have voted,
they shall immediately again meet, and the
presiding officer shall then announce the
dtcisicn of the question submitted.
Skc. 2. That if more than one return or
paper purporting to bo a return from a
State shall havebv.-C!J received by the Presi
dent of the Senate, purporting to be the
cerlilicatcs of Electoral votes given at the
last preceding election Jbr President and
Vice President in such State, unless they
shall be duplicates of the same return, ail
such returns and papers shall be opened by
him in the presence of tlie two houses,
when met as aforesaid, anil read by the tel
lers, and all such returns and papers shall
thereupon be submitted to the judgment
and decision as to which is the true lawful
El.-ctoral vote of such State, of a commis
sion, constituted as follows, namely : Dur
ing the session of each house on the Tues
day next preceding the first Thursday iu
February, 1S77, each house shall, by viva
voce vote, appoint five of its members, who,
with the live Associate Justices of the
Supreme Court of the United States to be
asserlaincd as hereinafter provided, shali
constitute a commission for the decision of
all epiesrions upon or in respect of such
double returns named iu this section. On
the Tuesday next preceding the first Thurs
day in February, A. I). 1S77, or as soon
thereafter as maybe, the Associate Justices
of the Supreme Court of the United States
now assigned to the first, third, eighth, and
ninth circuits, shall select iu such manner
as a majority of them shall deem fit, an
other of the Associate Justices of said
court, which five persons shall be members
of the said commission, and the person
longest iu commission of said five Justices
shall be President of .said commission.
Members of said commission shall respec
tively take and subscribe the following
"I, do solemnly swear or affirm, as
the case may be) that I will impartially
examine and consider all questions submit
ted to tlie commission of which I am a
member, and a true judgment give thereon,
agreeably to the Constitution and the laws,
so help me God."
Which oath shall bellied with the Secre
tary of the Senate.
When the commission shall have been
thus organized, it fhall not be in the power
of either house to dissolve the same, or to
withdraw any of its members, but if any
such Senator or member hhall, die, or be
come physiciully unable to perform, the
duties required by this act, the fact of such
death or physicial inability, shall be by said
commission, before it hiill proceed further,
communicated to the Senate or IIouss of
Representatives, as the case may be, which
body shall immediately -and without debate
proceed, by vieu vaec vote, to fillallplaeeso
vacated ; and the jierson so apjioiiited shall
take and subscribe the oath hereinbefore
prescribed, and become a member of said
co mmission. And in like manner it any of
said Justice of the Supreme Court shall die
or bcex.ine physicially incapable of perforni
iug the duties required by ' this act the
other of SjH Justice, members ''of the said
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., FEBRUARY 1, 1377.
commission, shall immediately appoint Jus
tice of said court a member of said commis
sion, and in such appointments regard shall
be had to the impartiality and freedom
from bias sought by the original appoint
ments to said commission, who shall there
upon immediately take, and subscribe to,
the oath hereinbefore prescribed and be
come a member of sud . commission to fill
the vacancy so occasioned.
Ail the certificates and paper purporting
to be certificates of the electoral vete of
each State shrill be opened in the alphabetical
order of the States, as provided in section
1 of this act, and when there shall be more
than one of such certificates of papers, as
the certificates and papers from such State
shall be opened -(excepting duplicates of
the same return), they shall be read by the
teller, and thereupon the President of the
Sente shall call for objections, if any. Every
objection shall be made in writing, and
shall state "clearly and concisely, and with
out argument, the ground thereof, and
shall be signed by at least one Senator and
one member of the House of Representa
tives before the same shall be received.
When all such objections so made to any
certificate, vote or paper from a State
have been received and read till such certi
ficates, votes and papers s) objected to and
all papers accompanying the same, together
with such objections, shall be forthwith
submitted to said commission, which shall
proceed to cotieider the same with the same
powers, if any, now possessed for that pur
pose by tlie two houses acting separately
or together, and by a majority of votes
decide whether and w hat votes of any such
State are the votes provided for by the
Constitution of the United States, and how j
many and what persons were duly appointed
electors in such State and may therein take
into view such petitions, depositions and
other papers, if any, as shall, by the Con
stitution and now existing law, be com
petent and pertinent in such consideration ;
which decision shall be made in writing,
st;;trng briefly the ground thereof,aud signed
by the members of said commission agree
ing therein, whereupon the two houses
shall again meet, and sueh decision shall be
read and entered on the journal of each
house, and the counting of the votes shall
proceed in conformity therewith utiles, upon
objection made thereto in writing by at
least five Senators and five members of the
House of Reprcsntatives, the two houses
shall separately concur in ordering other
wise, in which case such concurrent order
shall govern. No votes or papers from
any other State shall be acted upon
until the objections previously made to the
votes or papers from any State shall have
been finally elisposcd of.
Sec. That while the two houses shall
be in meeting, as provided in this act, no
debate shall be allowed, and no question
shall be put by 'the presiding officer, except
to either house on a motion to withdraw,
and he shall have power to preserve order.
Six. 4. That when the two houses
separate to decide upon an objection that
may have been made to the counting of
any electoral vote or votes from any State,
or upon objection to a report of said com
mission or other epuestion arising under
this act, each Senator or Representative
may speak on such objection or question
ten minutes, and not oftener than once,
but af.cr such debate shall have lasted two
hours it shall be the duty of each hou.o to
put the main question without further
Sec. 5. That at such joint meeting of
the two houses seats shall be provided as
follows : For the President of the Semite,
the Speaker's chair ; ibr the Speaker, im
mediately upon his left ; the Senators in
the body of the hall upon the right of the
presiding officer ; for the Representatives,
iu the body of the hall not provided for the
Senators; for the tellers, Secretary of the
Senate and Clerk of the House of Repre
sentatives, at the clerk's desk ; for the
other officers of the two houses, in front
of the clerk's desk and upon each side of
the Speaker's platform. Such joint meet
ing shall not be dissolved until the count
of the electoral votes shall be completed
and the result 'declared, and no recess shall
be taken unless a question shall have arisen
iu regard to counting any such votes or
otherwise under this act, iu which case it,
shall be competent for either House, acting
separately in the manner hereinbefore pro
vided, to direct a recess of such House, not
beyond the next day, Sunday excepted, at
the hour 10 o'clock in the forenoon, and
while any question is being considered by
said commission, either House may proceed
with its legislative or other business.
Sec G. That nothing iu'this act shall
be held to impair or affect any right now
existing under the Constitution and laws
to question, by proceeding iu the judicial
courts of the United States, the right or
title of the person who shall be declared
elected or who shall claim to be President
or Vice President of the United States, if
any such right exists.
Sec. 7, That said commission shall make
its own rules, keep a record of its proceed
ings, and shall have power to employ such
persons as may be necessary for the transac
tion of its business and the erxccutioa of
An inebriated individual fell ' dorn a
flight of stairs the other night, and a pas
serby, fearing him seriously injure, ran to
pick him' up. Rut the man majestically
staggered to his feet, and in response to the
proffered aid, roared out, "Now you jess
let me 'Joue. i; WaJi' "o slobberrin around
mc. I alius como down that way." , :
(ljA man Tfhri is captured bya pretty girl
is frequently a miss-taken man';
Evening at Horns. '
The long evenings ' now at hand will
bring to every well-managed home tlie ques
tion. "What shall we do for entertainment?"
No household is properly conducted where
in there are no hours set apart for recrea
tion, and the evening hours are best fitted
for this duty. Duty may seem an inap
propriate word applied to amusement ; but
he who neglects it fails to .cultivate that
part of himself which very greatly brightens
his own life and that of 'his fellows The
nan who never condescends to amusement
is like dry timber compared with a living
tree crowned with flowers and fruit.
Rut the day has well nigh passed when
apol.jgies are needed for enjoyment, and
when rccrertions are considered at best as
venal sius. Human nature has happily
been to) strong for ascetic creeds ; tlie now
wine would not remain confined in the old
bottles; and the qnestiou is not . may we,
but how shall we best amuse ourselves.
Just a word here to the faithful, patient,
loving and conscientious parents who will
ingly extend their hours of toil through the
day and into the night, and who cannot,
they say, fii.d tirnj for anything but work.
Rotter a hundred tinns that there be a few
dollars less fbr the children, less of fine
clothing, or of dainties on tho table, than
that young people, wearied with the eternal
round of work, should pine for freedom
away from home, and lose no opportunity
for escaping where there is something tv
enjoy ; should learn the sweets of forbidden
fruit, and away from the loving influences
of home should be led to folly, dissipation
and ruin. There is no important work to
be done at home than to amuse your chil
dren and yourself; take time for it, as yoa
do for preparing the food or mending the
clothing. Joining the children in passing
the evening hours will freshen your own
life, make you more companionable and
sympathetic with them, inspire and streng
then their confidence, yud make it unneces
sary for them to go abroad for their enjoy
ment. Children ma' and should feel that
there is indeed no place like home.
Among the first of home attractions is
music. If the piano or organ cannot be af
forded, the flute or violin may ; and at any
rate there may be singing, which is best of
all. Music books are cheap, and any one
who can learn to talk can learn to sing.
Among the happiest recollections of after
years will be the hour when all voices were
blended in the evening song, when discords
of feeling were soothed and banished, care
was forgotten, and for a little time a higher
life was lived. The home reading circle
should be made attractive with bright pa
pers and magazines. Let each be permit
ted to make selections, and all encouraged
to remark, criticise and comment. It will
greatly aid the art of conversation, which
in these days certainly needs cultivation,
and save immense waste of breath over
trash and scandal. Then there' are plenty
of entertaining games. Those who fear the
lnliuence ot cams an'i tliere arc objec
tions to their use, they arc too fascinating
can find plenty of unobjectionable games
especially designed for home use. The
good old "stand-bys," checkers and chess,
will have an honored place. Such amuse
ments intcrspered occasionally with a regu
lar "gale" of romps to give vent to youth
ful spirits, will do for the rooms of many a
household, now somber and glum, what a
woodbine or a clinging rose does for the
weather bearcn porch make it berietiful
and attractive and teach the children to
love their home.
Peter Ilagcrman devoured Ins breakfast
with a wonderful relish, drank nearly all
the coffee from his wife's cup she had left
to cool, and with her only clean handker
chief in his pocket started out boldly in
?carch of work, leaving his kit of jewelry
tools behind him. Passing a bank he step
ped in and asked the President :
"Do you want an assistant here, cashier,
book-keeper, or collect er ?"
"Any experience in the business ?"
"No, but I'm handy at anything?"
"Do not want help all full."
Then he went out and along another
street until he came to a newspaper office
when he entered to ask of the proprietor :
"Do you want an editor ?"
"No, have all we want."
"Will work cheap."
"Have you had any experience in the
"No, but I know when I see a good
thing in a newspaper and cuu cut it out. I
am a careful reader."
"Wrhat salary do you wish ?"
"Am uot particular the best there is to
be had." .
"No use for editors."
"Rut I am out of a situation."
"Well, look around and find one. That
is the way dogs find bones and men find
"Well, I don't want any common place."
- "The good ones are generally filled."
"1 woii't accept a poor one one that is
not firstrdass." '
"Then you had better wait till there is a
demand for inexperienced meoi.for first
class positions." . ! I .!
Then Peter Ilagcrman went out and
rolled at ten pins t ill . near m.tdnight, and
he went home asked hh wife to go out and
find some sewing or embroidery, or . music
teaching to earn enough to pay for their
board, the times were so hard,' and the
next Jay tried billiards, aud feasted on an
other lunch counter. He will soon have
a 'situation-and VgoiftWi" '
Tlie Petrolum Situatio:
The Titusville Ihrnld contains a review
of the petroleum market for 187d, iu which
it says :
The 2.500 new wells put down only
served to increase the average production
for the year to a figure less than 1,(HJ0
barrels per elay over that of the year
previous. This falls very short of the
increase of consumption. As to the stock
on hand, there has been a large increase,
although the final contest between the
exporters and refiners, which began early
iu September and continued for about sixty
days, prevented a further draft of at least
half a million barrels during the vear, and
which, muat necessarily be taken during
the early part of the year, in additiou to
the usual demands of the trade. There is
at present only about two months' visible
supply in the whole oil region. Tlie num
ber of producing wells is now nearly G,tiU;.)
against o,o(iU this titn-a last year. They
are locU:d promiscuously upon almost
every available farm known in the oil
r gion. aud the year failed to develop any
nev fi 11 of production. Here and there
poils have been struck of more or less
magnitude, but they have not brought to
light any new field, and all are located with
in the limits well defined two years ago.
The production for December last was but
a few hundred barrels more than the same
month in 1S75, and the average for the
year was but slightly iu excess of the i
previous year, and this, notwithstanding the
unprecedented devclopement aud increase
in the numoer of producing wells.
A year ago the region was suffering from
a want of capital, while at present twenty
five banks in the region are holding, ac
cording to estimate, not far from 67,000,
000 of mjney belonging to producers and
operators, most of which is waiting invest
ment in oil. Under the greatly improved
condition of a flairs it is reasonable to expect
that the year lo77 will show even better
results than the year 1870, and that our
important and valuable staple win not be
spirited away without something like an
equivalent being left in its j lace.
Never use a lady's name iu an improper
place, at an improper time, or in mixed
company. Never make assertions about
her that you think untrue, or allusions that
she herself would blush to hear. Vv hen
you meet with men who do not scruple to
use a woman's name, in a reckless manner,
shun them ; they are the very worst mem
bers of the community ; men lost to every
feeling of humanity. 31 any a good and
worthy woman's character has been forever
ruined an 1 her heart broken bv a lie, manu
facturcd by some villain, and repeated
where it should not have been, and iu pre
sence of those-who little judgment could
not deter them from circulating the foul
and bragging report. A slander is soon
propagateel, and the smallest thing deroga
tory to woman's character will fly em the
wings of the wind and magnify as it circu
lates, until its monstrous weight crushes
the poor unconscious victim. Respect the
name of woman. Your mother and sisters
are women, and as ou would have their
fair name untarnished, and their lives
unimbittereel by the slanderer's bitter
tongue, heed the ill 'our own words may
bring upon the mother, the sister or the
w ife of some fellow creature.
Tlie Saxaeity cf Wild Geese.
The large flacks of geese which are con
stantly passing over the town are frequently
shot at, but they generally fly at too high
an altitude to be reached by the leaden
mi.-siles. Sometimes, however, the shots
take effect. The other dav we were watch
ing a flock flying southward, when the re
jwrt of a gun was heard and we observed
one of the geese begin to fill slowly. The
others, perceiving that their comrade was
wounded,- uttered shrill cries of distress,
and about a dozen of them flew under the
wounded bird, huddling together so that
their backs formed a sort of bed upon
which the wounded one rested. They
buoyed it up for some time, the ot! ers
meanwhile looking em and manifesting their
concern by uttering loud. discordant shrieks.
Finding that their companion was unable
to longer accompany tin in in their flight,
they abandoned hhn to his fate, and he fell
to the earth and into the arms of an
expectant Chinaman. An-ahcira (Cu.)
. . .
Ix view of the many accidents that occur
from slipping on the ice some of them
fatal, others terribly painful we give tho
following suggestion whLh appeared in the
etilumns of the Philadelphia Ledger:
"From the leg ef an old woollen sttekiug
or from an old felt hat cut pieces the shape
and size of the front sole of the shoe.
With dissolved gum-clastic (India rubber),
purchasable in fifty cent boxes at any rub
ber goods store, toat the sole and stick the
woollen material thereon, and you will have
a reliable creeper at a cost of less than two
cents a pair. The gum renders the leather
impervious to dampness, and the wool can
not be made to slip on the smoothest ice."
; The Turks have a rather severe way cf
punishing delinquent tax-payers. It con
sists in tying them to a treo, and then pour
ing down from a respectable height, on their
henels, bucketfuls of cold water; then whip
ping and caning t hern on the strength of
what is left of them. A species of cruci
fixion practiced consists in tying the delin
quents iu such a manner that they are left
liugjring in thcir-arms-big pieces of wood,
Arranged ia the form of a cross. ' 1
'J "IF, ifciil'.-JSJ
A Dutchman read somewhere that money
doubled itself by compound interest every
fourteen years, ifirwas put carefully away
and left . untouched. The guileless Hol
lander at once dug a hede in the cellar ami
buried four hundred dollars, packed in a
teakettle. This was fourteen years, ago,
lart Wcdnesd ay. On that day he arose at
four o'clock in the morning and dug up his
cash with the confident expectation that it
bad increased to eight hundred dollars.
His disappointment was great ; nd whm
his friends talk to him about mathematics
now he expresses the opinion that "Dem
arithmetics iah all a lie !"
A GKArmc idea of the demoralized
condition of society in South Carolina was
furnished to Cengrcssm in Abbot at Charles
ton the other day. An old darkey, wiio
was trying to build a fire in his room, was
so slow that the Judge asked h::u what the
matter was. The reply w:is prompt' and
comprehensive : "Fact is, Judge, that day
is no coal down stairs. It's no use talking,
dis country is gvl:i2 to h L as fast as it
kin ; 1'se been up and down de alley, and
stole all de wood I could find, and in de
present demoralized condition of society, I
can't do no better."
Tin: champion li.ir of the State is in our
county jail. A kind-hearted clergyman
asketl him how he came to be iu there.
The fellow said, with tears in his eyes, that
lie wr,s coming home from prayer meeting
and sat down to rest, fell asleep, and while
he was asleep there the county built the jail
around him, and when he awoke the jailer
refused to let him out. Tliere was indict
ments against him in every county west of
the Cuadaloupc, and he has ahead' served
out one term at Iluntsville. Sa.i Antonki
A good anecdote is told of a honse-pani '
ter's son, who used the brush dexterously,
but who had acquired the habit of putting
it on too thick. One day his lather, after
having frequently scolded him for lavish
daubing, and all to no purpose, gave him
a severe flagellation. "There, you young
rascal," after performing the painful duty,
"how do you like that ?" "Well, I don't
know," whined the bey, in reply, "but it
seems to me you put it ou a thundering
sight thicker than 1 did."
A Ualtimoke policeman found a family
in :ru awfnl plight. Every member had
been stricken with scarlet fever, and three
children had died, not of the disease, but
of starvation. There was not a morsel of
food in the garret, and every available arti
cle of furniture or clothing had long before
been v.awned. The wife was abed, uncon
scious, and the man had stretched himself
on the floor to die. This case has incited
an organized effort to succor the destitute
of that city.
A Tort Jehyis clergyman who recently
dissolved his connection with his parish,
at the close of his farewell sermon in which
he told his side of the church quarrel, gave
out the hymn for tlie choir and congrega
tion to sing. . The tune was played, when
the choir and congregation skipped, the
hymn and sang, "Praise God from ail bless
"Women have been able fighters in war ;
have managed commercial enterprises ; have
painted, writteJ, plowed, shoveled in coal,
governed kingdoms, inspired great social
enterprises ; and there is no reason why
they should not preach, if they can save
souls. There is one thing, however, that
a woman cannot do she cannot decently
sharpen a lead pencil.
Tins is tho season when tlie falling icicle
smites the spinal summit of the unsuspect
ing pedestrian, and interrupts the flow of
those buoyant spirits that makes him feci
"like a morning star."
Some of our citizens iuclined to havo
home amusements. The' pay the fine for
having icy sidewalks, and then sit by the
window nud watch people going past on
Young Lady "Oh, I'm so paid ycu like
birds ; what kind do you like Lest ?" Old
Geut "Well, I think a goose, with plenty
of stuffing, is about as nice as any."
Joux II. Hull, Clerk of the Select
Council of Allentown, has a daughter one
year old, 23 inches in height and weighs
fourteen ami a quarter pounds.
Are blacksmiths who make a living by
forging or carpenters who do a little counter
fitting, any worse than men who sell iron
and steel for a living?
Lady visitor : "My dear, do you know
if your mamma is engaged?" Little Girl
of the Period : "Engaged ? Rless you,
why she's married '.''
The young man who wrote and asked
his girl to accept a "bucket" of flowers be
came a little pail when she said she wood
eu ware it.
A grocer, had a pound of sugar returned
with a note stating : "Too much sand for
table use, and not enough for building pur
poses." An effurt is now making to separate Lu
zerne county into two parts, the new coun
ty to bo called Lackawanna.
The excuse a base ball nine j ut up for
non-appearance- on the field was that the
"pitchax was fuil"