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J, 1 liVJUUJJU.BBWI
BtlU -LU.J ,
Deuotcfr to politics, Citcraturc, Agriculture, Science, illoralitu, anil eucral ihitclliaauc.
Pnblishcil by Theodore Schocli.
-r. (nf,--Tvro dollar n riar in advaneo and if not
h-f.irs th "f tnc 7C3r tTVO dollars and fifty
will heehawl. . ,
ce" N-,t ,(vier dWeontinued until nil arrearages are
? lecett at the option of the Editor.
P a j- VivertNements of one square of feiedit linos) or
oMfl or thr.s insertions 51 ."'. Each additional in-
'."iO cents. Ionizer ones in proportion.
OF AI.I. KINKS,
rrMutJ iu the hi-hest style of the Art, and on the
nmst reasouahUi term.
U. NATHANIEL C. MILLER,
Physician and Surgeon.
03;s and residence: Comer Main and Pocono Street,
Office hours from 7 to S a. m., 1 to 2 and 7
to 3 p.
Oct. 25, 1376-tf.
Ol'Oni IIJM -" ........... ............
;nJ dvjr we-.i of Hicisite Quaker Church. Oihee
hour s to n a. i i l- " " l" i "
M iy -', lSTi-tf.
D:i. s. ?i i s k it,
Oft.. f-.r-nrly occupied y Ir. Sip. JVsidener with
J i".'. M'il -r. on- d or b.-lj'v th' j'j.rrrioiii.ni Oilico.
hour. 7 t. :t, VI to -i and l t.j 9.
M y 1 1 , 1 ST.'.. t r.
Surge oa LJeriiJs.
OS --: iu .T.s. Ivli'i;.'r"s new huii3;nj, ln-irly opposite
tli.: Sir iu !!n r;; llauk. Oas aJiuiiilerid tor extsetiiit:
(rr.,jiiurf, I'a. ' fJan.C'TC-tf.
panic. ix, saaEox and ArcauniEiR.
rj-2r in 2iiu 1 TToi.i's bt buildin?. nearly op-p-in
p t u,'j;o. Kfsid:jcc on Sar-h .stroi-t,
ri vrf Frsn '-cli n.
One d.nr aSive tlio "Strondsbiirg IIoiiFe,'
flirou Ish'irj:. Pa.
V )!lirti'i5s prornptlv made.
?zl Estate an'i Tivsarance Agent and
T'.tlei s'.irrhzi nnd Covvrynnring in all its
bru!ics car rjj.il if and promptly attended to.
Azk.ioxlc-igm-znis taken for other States.
OS.'i, Kitler's P.rick Hailding, near t'aeR.R.
E VST STK0UD3BUEG, PA.
P. O. B-ix 23.
Eeptftn j-.t 2 ISTo. tf.
Sjrvsyor, Conveyancer and
Esal Estate Acrent.
Itrzi3. Timber Lands and Town Lots
0e m?nr!v opposite American Hones
ni '21 (1 or b?lv the Corner Store.
DR. J. LA N T Z,
SURGEON & MECHANICAL DENTIST.
lir!! ha his o!!i .n Main str.-ct, in th sft-orid story
f l'r. S. Walton's brick liuildin?, ni-aily opposite the
!r-urir!f Hon ;. and he flait-r.i'hiiiv; If t hat hy rijZh
totn years (.-onstant prai.-tiiv an t ha most eariut and
:irful attention to :il! tsiattcrs P'-rtainii'? to his pro
Wop. ri.at h - is fnliy aliie to p'-rf.rin ail o'M'rations
3n tlie i( utal line in iuc ino-t careful and skillful man
ner. tp?iui attention siven to savins the Natural Teeth ;
s'si. tr ti? inter!':. n of Artificial Teeth on flullrr,
Geld, silver, or Conticuous limns, and perfect fit iu all
M et D'r.-ins Vnaw th: ereat folly and danT of -n-tnitin,j
I heir work.to the iiiexpe rieii"ed, or to those li v
j n; at t distaitec. ' April !'!, 1ST4. tf.
Opposition to Humbuggery !
Tkf unlersined b?rehy announces that he has ro
ixu'd luisines at the old .stand, next door to Knsti-r's
H-jthin Store, Main stre.-t, Si rondsjurr. Pa., a!d is
fuly prepared to accommodate all iu w aul of
BOOTS and SHOES,
wade in the latest style and of good material. Kepair
pro:nrth' attcntcd to. Giv me a rail.
i''c.9, lsTo-iy.j c. li;wis WATERS.
GLAZIER AND PAINTER,
Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop,
The undersigned would reppecifully in
form thecitizens of Strondsburg and vicinity
that he is now fully prepared to do all kimits
of Paper Hanging;. Glazing and Painting.
Promptly and at short notice, and that he
keep constontly on hand afinet-tock ol
Paper Hangings of all descriptions and at
low prices. The palronage ofthe puhli
' earnestly solicted. May 16, 1872.
Dwelling House for Sale.
A very desirable two .tory Dwollinsr House, contain
jK evn rooii'w, one of which i-s mi table
l -jf x rr a More i'.oom, si'iiaic ou .iiaiu m- i,
in the lioroutch of StromNburir. The
II jibSfil building in nearly new, ami very part
S5L.fj, of it iu cuod condition. I,-or terms Ac,
Cl" at this office. f Dec. !, 1375-tf
JOB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex
ecuted at this office.
PREPARE FOR DEATH.
THE CHEAT DANCER TO WHICH WE ARE
EXTOSED THE SUN IN FLAMES OU
SOL TO IJLAZE UP AND SCORCH THE
INIIA1UTANTS OP THIS WORLD TO A
CINDER THIS TERIJII'.LE CATASROPHE
TO TAKE PLACE AT ANY MINUTE.
Mr. Richard A. Proctor writes to the
London Echo as follows: "We have with
in the last lortnUiht had new evidence in
the star depths of the danger to which our
own sun, and we along with it, would setra
to be exposed. There arc some astronomical
subjects of inquiry which, though they
relate to bodies inconcervably remote, con
cern us inhabitants of earth very nearly.
It is, for instance, a question of considera
ble interest to us whether the evidence we
have about the sun suggests or not the
probability that tlte orb the fire, light,
and life of our system is gradually parting
with its energies, in such sort that our
descendants will be less thoroughly warmed
and lighted than we arc ourselves. It is a
question of interest again whether there is
any truth in such a theory as was once
thrown out (to the amazement of astrono
mers be it remarked) by Sir Y. Thomson,
that the fragments of destroyed planets
might be the vehicles by which the seeds
of life are carried to new worlds, and that
mr earth, visited in remote ages by such
fragments was thus supplied with the germs
of that life which is now so abundant on
her surface, so she, in her turn undergoing
de.-tructii'u will be sent in fragments
through space, scattering about the germs
of life for the benefit of other words as yet
unpeopled. Another question of very great
interest was that started by Sir Isaac New
town, iii tiie well-known suggestion that
should a comet fall upon the sun there
would be a tremendous outburst of
heat, whereby this earth and all the other
worlds which circle round the sun could be
destroyed, or, i.t least, all life caused to
perish from their surface. T his idea h;;S
not, indeed, of late received much favor,
bet Jiuse astronomers, noting the small efietts
produced by comets upon even the interior
members of the solar system, such as the
moons of Jupiter, have come to regard
comets as bodies of very little weight, whose
material, therefore, failing upon the sun,
could produce but insignificant fires. More
over, we have learned to consider the
probability ofthe downfall of a comet upon
the stin as exceedingly saut'l. Vt'e know
that a;i!oi;g those whose paths have been
properij determined during the pat few
years, only two have made a very near ap
proach to the sun though by a strange
coincidence, one of these was the first ever
wealth with on the Newtonian principles
viz., Newton's own comet of the year 1SGU.
That one approached the sun within less
than the sixth of its diameter, and its very
inucleus mast have swept the summits of
the red fi.imr-s which we now know to ex
ist ail round the sun we see. The other
was the comet of IS 13, which, on the 'J7th
of February of that year, was within (10,
f '00 miles ofthe sun's surface ; so that the
bulk of its coma or hair must have swept
over the sun, and the outermost parts of
its nucleus must not only have met the
solar flames, but even have reached the low
lying bed of flame seen during solar eclipses,
and called the sierra. Still, these two
comets only, among all these of the last two
hundred years, have made a very near ap
proach to the sun, and, as no mischief has
followed, astronomers are encouraged to
the belief that whatevery danger we may
have to fear from changes in our sun s
condition, comets arc scarcely to be regarded
as the probable cause of such danger.
But the news just received from the star
depths concerns us more nearly. It tells
us of a sun. doubtless in general respects
like our own, which has met with some
great catastrophe, whose cause we cannot
at present determine, but whose real nature
is unmistakable. Our sun is one among
hundreds of millions, each of which is
probaaly, like it, the centre of a scheme of
circling worlds. Each sun is rushing along
through space with its train of worlds,
each bearing-; perhaps, like our earth, its
living freight, or, i"ore probably, each, at
some timeor other of its existence, becom
ing habitable for a longer or shorter period.
Thus the suns may be comparted to engines,
each drawing along its well-freighted train.
Accidents among these celestial engines
seem fortunately to be rare. A few among
the suns appear suddenly, (that is in the
course of a hundred years, which in celestird
chrouometry amounts to a mere instant,)
to have lost a large part of their energy, as
though the supply of fuel had somehow
run short. Mishaps of that kind have not
attracted much attention, though manifestly
it would be a serious matter of our own
suu were suddenly to loose three-fourths
of its heat, and as happened with the
middle star of the Plow, or ninety-nine
hundredths, as has happened with the once
blazing, but now scarcely visible, orb called
Pta, in the keel of the star-ship Argo.
But when we hear of an accident of the
contrary kind a suu suddenly blazing out
with more than a hundred times its usual
splendor ; a celestial engine whose energies
have been overwrought, so that a sudden
expansion has taken place, and the fires,
meant to work steadily for the train, have
blazed forth to its destruction we are im
pressed with the thought that this may
possibly one day happen with our sun.
The circumstances are very curious, and
though they do not show clearly whether
we are or are not expossed to the same
kind of danger which has overtaken the
worlds circling round those remote suns,
they are sufficiently suggestive.
On Nov. 2Jth, quite early iu tie even
STftOUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., JANUARY
ing, Professor Schmidt, the well-known
director -of the Athens Observatory, ob
served a star of the first magnitude in a
part of the constellation of the Swan,
where no such star should be. At mid
night the new star's light was seen to be of
u remarkably yellow color. The news
was, of course, spread about among the
chiefs of the principal observatories, and
as soon as clear weather permitted, the
new comet was submitted to the searching
scrutiny of the spectroscope. Unfortun
ately, it had already dwindled down to the
fifth magnitude hy Dee. id, when first it
was thus examined, and its light had be
come greenish, almost blue. It was not
until Dee. 5th, that really satisfactory
observations were made. Then M. Cornu
obtained the following very curious results :
The light of the stars showed the usual
rainbow-tinted streak crossed by dark lines,
which forms the spectrum of a star or sun,
but on that rainbow-tinted streak, as on a
d.irk background, there was seen the bright
ligl ts of hydrogen, a bright line belonging
to magnesium (in the state of glowing
vapor), and two other bright lines, one of
which seemed to be identical with a bright
line shown by our sun's corona during a
Now, a point to which I would call
special attention is, that all the elements of
the catastrophe, if one may so speak, which
has befallen the remote sun in the Swan
exist in our own sun. At times of marked
disturbances parts of our sun's surface show
the lines of hydrogen bright instead of dark,
which means that the flames of hydrogen
over those parts of the sun are hotter than
the glowing surface of the sun there. V'e
h ive all heard, again, how Tadchini and
Secelii, iu Italy, attributed some excep
tionally hot weather wu had a few years
ago to outbursts of glowing magnesium.
And, lastly, our sun is certainly well sup
plied with that clement, whatever it is,
which gives the bright line of his corona
during eclipses, for we now know that the
whole, ofthe streaked and radiated corona
occupying a region twenty times greater
than the globe of the sun (which itself
exceeds our earth 1,250,000 times in
volume) belongs to the sun. Again,
though the suu has shone steadily for
thousands of years, "et so far as can be
judged, tli 3 stars which, like the one in
the Swan, have burst out suddenly blossom
ing into flames of hydrogen, within which
the star's heart-core glows with many hun
dred times its former heat, have also been
for ages shining steadily amid the star
depths. knuw that the one which
blazed out ten years ago iu the Northern
crown was one of Argclander's list, a star
of the tenth magnitude, and that, after
glowing with S00 times its former bright
ness for a few days, it has resumed that
feebler lustre. We have every reason that
analogy can furnish for believing that the
new star, which was not in Argclander's
list simply escaped record by him on ac
count of its fuiutntss. It is now fast losing
its suddenly-acquired lustre, and is already
invisible to the naked eye. It appears,
therefore, that there is nothing in the long
continued steadfastness of our suu as a
source of light to assure us that he, too,
may not suddenly blaze forth with many
hundred times his usual lustre, (the con
flagration being originated, perchance, by
some comet unfortunately too directly to
wards hiru). Though he would probably
cool down again to his present condition
in a few weeks, no terreslial observers
would be alive, at any rate, to note the
. fact, though the whole series of events
might afford subject of interesting specu
lation to to the inhabitants of worlds cir
cling around Sirius of Arcturus. Fortun
ately, we ma' legitimately reason that the
risk is small, seeing that among the mil
lions of suns which surround ours, within
easy telescope distance, such catastrophes
occur only ten or twelve times per century."
An Army of Water Rats.
Dr. Van Per Ilork, the German travler
to the Artie, says : On one occasion we had
a curious adventure. While crossing a
lacustrine part of the river called Kjoalme
juare, in the early part of the knight we
were suddenly surrounded by swarms of
lemming (M yodestorqustus), an animal like
the mountain rat. They swarmed around
the boat and attempted to clamber into it,
s that it was witlrthe greatest difficulty we
could keep the fierce little creatures from
boarding us by beating about with the oars,
at which they would set up sharp, shrill
screams similar to those ofthe muskrat.
After some time we succeeded in passing
them. These little animals come unexpec
tedly down from the mountains uo one
knowing exactly whence and appear in
millions, swarming over the whole country,
eating up almost everything that comes in
their way. Neither river nor lake seems
to deter them, both of which they swim
with ease, usually keeping in their destruc
tive path until reaching the open sea, which
they vainly endeavor to cross, never swerv
ing from the direction once taken until
they sink exhausted beneath the waves.
Thus perish countless numbers. They
commit great ravages, and are as dreaded
in the North as the locusts are in Egypt.
Years, however, elapse between their reap
pearance, or until they suddenly descend
from their rocky retreats. The Lapps tell
us that they rain from the sky, many of
them stating that they have actually seen
To know a man, observe how he wins
his object rather than how he looses it; for
when we fail, our pride supports ; when we
euecced it destroys us.
THE COMPOSITION OK THE LATEST SPUR
IOUS SILVER MONEY SPECIMENS OF
I ERASED GOLD TIECES AT THE SUR
TREASURY. The N. Y. limes of the 13th iust., con
tains the following :
A great many complaints have been
heard recently of the inconvenient and un
comfortable abundance of counterfeit silver
coins in circulation. Pining-saloon keep
ers, car conductors, the corner grocery man,
and even the usually careless bar-keeper,
have all become suspicions, and will not
even accept without scrutiny the fairest and
most genuine-looking pieces of silver To
ring a coin does not appear to be a sufficient
test to these careful worthies, for they have
found out that dociet has been so ingenious
that the true ring has been obtained in
some of the basest counterfeits. All silver
coins are eyed "with care," and the conduc
tor refuses to "punch in the presence of the
passenger" until he is convinced beyond a
doubt that the quarter or half dollar he
presents is really a good thing to make
change for. Inquiry was made yesterday
at the Sub-Treasury in this city as to the
quality and quantity of counterfeits known
to be in circulation. Mr. J. F. Tandv,
chief coin detector, who has held his posi
tion for many years, and is now one ofthe
most competent judges of coiu in the coun
try, was referred to for information. Mr.
laudv saws that there are a great inanv
spurious coins in actual circulation, the in
genuity of counterfeiters who formerly
studied to produce imitations of paper cur
rency having evidently been turned to the
manufacture of mental tokens. A great
many good coins have been mistaken for
bad ones owing to the imperfect work done
at some of the mints in the haste to supply
the demand made when the paper currency
was withdrawn. Many coins are found
with the edges between the milled rim and
the outer ring on the face beveled off as if
by machinery. This appearance is doubt
less caused in many instances by a careful
paring of the coin for the small amount of
silver obtained, but the quality ofthe silver
is not of suflicient fineness to make such a
practice a very lucrative one. The coun
terfeiters have devoted themselves almost
exclusively to the production of imitations
of half-dollars and quarter-dollars. No
false dimes that were at all likely to deceive
have vet been seen. Several specimens of
the half-dollars found at the Sub-Treasury
were shown. In appearance they were
very good, the impression being considered
excellent by Mr. Tandy. Iu weight they
were light, when compared with genuine
coins. Submitted to the test ofthe scale,
the genuine coin weighed 102.0 grains;
the counterfeit, 142 grains. The test of
the crucible showed the spurious coin to be
composed of antimony, lead, and zinc, which
really makes a fine imitation of a well-made
Most of the counterfeit coins are dated
back, the gleam of new silver being very
difficult to imitate. Even with experts the
difficulty of detecting these light coins
among piles of silver of thousands of dollars
is acknowledged to be very greut. The
counterfeits are evidently not all made by
the same persons, as they are by no means
of uniform excellence of workmanship. A
number of debased gold coins were shown
that had recently been detected. A $20
piece, with an exterior fair to look .upon. and
apparently as "good as gold," was pro
nounced a vexatious fraud, worth but 60.
It had been carefully split, hollowed out,
and filled with plantinum. When submit
ted to the scale test it weighed all that the
law demanded. Its spuriousness had been
detected by the eye of an experienced hand
ler of coin, and its "true inwardnesss" ex
posed by a slight chipping of the edges,
where the parts had been pressed together.
A quarter-eagle that had come from the
Bank of England had been served in the
same way, and when broken it was found
to be packed with charges of plantinum
deftly fitted to the cavity made by the
abstruction of the gold, its edges carefully
.remilled, and it had undoubtedly changed
repeatedly, before its wickedness had been
detected. A California counterfeiter has
recently invented a new way for mining
gold that may have proved more profitable
than hunting for nuggets in the mountain
streams, although it can hardly be as com
fortable a means of securing a livelihood.
From San Francisco was shown a $20
piece, bent and broken, from which projec
ted the ends of silver cojiper wires. A hole
had been made in the middle edge of the
coin, and from this central opening branch
ed several galleries, reaching almost across
the inside of the coin. The gold had been
abstracted, and its place filled up by copper
wire. The weight of the coin was reduced,
and by the use of scales this defect could
have been detected at once. But apparent
ly the coin was good, and the only ready
eye of an expert could catch the marks of
tampering on the edge, or understand the
measure ofthe raised lines on the surface,
where the drill had approached too near
the edge and the wire had crowded the gold
when it was driven into the aperture.
The paternal author of an heiress was
approached by a youth who requested a few
moments' conversation iu private, and be
gan : "I was requested to see you, sir, by
your lovely daughter. Our attachment "
"Young man," interrupted the parent,
briskly, "I don't -know what that girl of
mine is about. Your are the fourth gntle
man who has approached me this moining
on the subject. I have given my consent
to the ot.iers,
and l give
it to you ;
THE NEW REPORTER.
lie was a bright looking young man, with
unexecptionably good clothes, and a bright
eager way with him that inclined the chief
to take him in and let him see what he
could do. Ho felt, the young man said,
that he was born to be a reportor, like
Horace Grccle- and Mr. Bennett. He
knew he had it in him, and all that he want
ed was the field, and he would make his
own opportunities. He worked on the
Ilnirk-Eye one day, and we do not know
what has become of him after that, but we
arc sorry he is gone. There was so much
life and sunlight about the office during his
brief stay. He hadn't been on the street
an hour before he came rushing back into
the office, radiant with enthusiasm and a
whole hat full of fights iu his note book.
Then he dashed out and went around the
block, and came tearing up the back stairs
with a first-class,
edged, lavender scented scandal cass. lie
started off to dinner, but came dashing
back to write up a runaway, an apopleptie
lit, a small robbery, and a street ear colli
sion he had encountered on the way. We
never saw such a man to gather up news,
lie could hardly find time to eat his meals,
on account of the constant rush of items.
And when he got to writing them up in the
evening, ho had to lock the door to keep
from rushing in
"The office has got a treasure. That
man is worth a million dollars a week."
And the rest of the boy's stood around
with their meagre note books, complaining
that the town was awful dry, and fairly
bursting with envy. We had to run a
supplement to get ail the young fellow's city
The next morning the chief had a very
impressive interview with the new reporter.
The business office was filled with a mis
cellaneous crowd of citizens, and two or
three policemen, and a few ladies. The
boys leaned up against the door of the
private office to hear how much salary the
new man was going to iret, and if lie would
accept an interest in the paper. They
heard the chief say :
"And this long item about Jerome C.
Plastonburg. That is a paid notice, as you
were told : it is worth $05, and you have
spelled his name the vital part of the no
tice wrong every time. Once you have
called him James L. Longherty, one Jabez
O'Phuiarity, and in all other places Jacob
1). Piathcrsburg. What on earth possess
ed you to make such absurd and injurious
blunders as that ?"'
"Well, good land !" exclaimed the young
man, "how was I to know how he spelled
his mime ? lie's a stranger to mo. Be
sides, I did my best to get it right. I look
ed all through Zell,s Encyclopaedia and in
Webster's Dictionary, and couldn't find
any such name anywhere. How's any man
going to get along without mistakes if the
office library hasn't got a reliable book of
referuce in it ?''
There was a pause, and then the
"And here is this item about Rev
Throonledvke, whose marriage to
Minerva Possonby you notice very neatly,
and then append the outrageous statement
that the reverend gentleman has a wife and
nine children in Indiana, and it is thought
he has one or two more somewhere in Wis
consin. Why "
"Well, that's so" broke in the new man ;
"I tell you hi? has ; a man on a train told
me so down at the Union depot yesterday.
I got that all straight. That's true as
"Who was the man ?"
"I don't know ; he was a stranger to me,
and it looked too fresh to ask his name."
"How did he know Mr. Throop'cdyke ?"
"He didn't know him ; he just told me
about a preacher he knew that had a wife
and nine children in Indiana, and I asked
him to describe him, and his description hit
old Throopledyke to a T. O, it's him, I
"Then,' continued the chief, after a very
painful pause, during which the boys held
their breath, "here is an item stating that
Christopher K. Hoflan. a Bogus Hollow
sneak thief, knocked a child down near the
railroad crossing and stole a tin bucket, ten
cents and a milk ticket from her. This is
atrocious. It is terrible."
"No," said the chief, with some asperity
"Mr. lloflan is President of the Young
Men's Christian Association, and a citizen
of the highest repute. Now where did you
get that item ?"
"Well, the item is all right, but I wasn't
sure, of the name; but 1 told a hackman
about it, and asked him if he knew who the
first man was, and he said he guessed it
must be old Pmflan, and I found the full
name in the Directory."
The boys could hear the chief sigh clear
through the door.
"Then," he continued, "what made you
say that old Mrs. Malavers committed sui
cide while in a state of despondency, bro't
on by excessive use of intoxicating liquor ?"
"Well, didn't she?"
"Didn't she ? She is alive and down in
the counting room now, and is President of
the Women's Temperance League."
"Well, well, well," said 'the new man in
a tone of amazement. "I must have got
that mixed up with some other item."
"And then look here," continued the
chief, "you take occasion to say, in an en
tirely uncalled-for manner, that Hon.
George J. Barnwell owes a grocery bid of
r?7 15:r. Sinrrbv's. that has been run-
rdn-T nnarlv two years; and that he blews
his nose with his fingers, and picks his
teeth with his-fbrk, and only changes his
socks once a week. Now
"Well, by George," .shouted the new
man "that's the truth. Now, I'm willing
to own up whei'r I'm wrong, but, by gun,
you ca;:"t corner me on that iten. That's
the solemn truth, and I got it nil straight.
A girl that worked in his family four years
told me all about it, and I could have put
in lots more, ever so much worse than that
if I'd had room. He
"Do you know," said the chief, that
lion. George J. Barnwell owns more of
this town than he can sec, and is a bank
director, and president Of heaven knows
ho?? many business associations, a pillar of
the church, and a prop of society? Don't
you know that you ain't expected to pub
lish every bit of gossip yotr hear about
"Ain't !" echoed the young man ; "what's
the paper for then ? What of it anyhow ?
Is old Barnwell mad about it ? Did anybodv
tell him of it?"
The chief made no reply, and the boys
scattered to their wofk. A casual watch
was kept on the door of the private office,
and late in the afternoon it opened, and
the chief came out. He was alone. There
was dyspeptic look about his eyes, like a
man who had eaten too much ; and nobody
ever saw the new reporter or heard any
thing of him again. But we often miss hint
and when the town is quiet and the after
noons are long, and there are no election
news to stir the fever of our blood, we wish
that he would come back and shake up tho
town once more. Burlington Haickeyc:
Spoiled His Piety.
Horace Greeley used to affirm that news
paper men were the most patient people, as
a class, on earth ; and he was not far from
right, though there are times when patience
ceases fo be a virtue witii the most endur
ing. Nearly everybody in Michigan knows
Burr, who used to start a newspaper about
once a month the year round, generally
bringing them out in Grand Rapids, but
some times making a flying trip to other
points. Burr could stand to be told that
he lied about circulation, was on the fence
as a politician, and that lie didn't, know any
thing about publishing a paper ; and when
men threatened to sue or thrash him, he
only smild a sad smile and wished that
mankind wouldn't get encited. During a
religious revival in Grand Rapids, Burr was
converted, and it frequently happerid that
religious people called at his office to talk
with him. One day a minister came in,
and, after talking a while, he proposed
prayer. He was in the act of kneeling,
when his foot struck one of the outside
form, which was leaning against a leg of the
stone, ready to be lifted up, and over it
went, making half a bushel of pi. Burr
looked at the ruin wrought, thought ofthe
two weeks of overwork, and commenced
taking off his coat, saying:
"I'm trying to be a Christian, and set a
good example, but rac my buttons if I can t
lick you in just two minutes !"
The clergyman backed down stairs in no
time, dodging the lye brush on the way,
and Burr backslid at once, and sent down
for a pint of stimulant.
The Forty Thieves.
An inebriated Jersey man in New York
led by flaming posters advertising the play
of "The Forty Thieves" at Niblo's, went to
the box office and called for a ticket at
the same time throwing down a $5 green
back. On receiving in return $3 and a.
ticket (he had expected to pay about fifty
tents), the astonished countryman, looking
first at the money arxl then at the ticket,
"II h how much d'yer ask to (hie)
sec these Forty Thieves?"
The ticket seller informed him that the
price was $2.
" Well'said the Jersey man, thowing back
the ticket, and looking sharply at the offi
cial, "you may k k keep ycr ticket I
don't care about seeing tire other thirty
nine. Poor Old Grimes.
At last we have an irrefragable testi
money from Ogdensburg that old Grimes'
pulse lias finally ceased to beat.
A few mornings since, when tho ther
mometer was nearly played out, a ragged
little beggar stopped' at Judge J's, and
plaintively suggested vfcti.aLr. As the be
nevolent lady of tho house was emptying a.
few into his basket, she asked :
"What is your name, my son ?"
"My name is Grimes."
. "Is your father living?"
"I thought Old Grimes was dead long'
"That was my grandpa."
And the youngster waddled off, think
ing what a good soul the lady was.
A party met at a public table, and the'
conversation turned on the subject of trans
migration. Mr. K. was a firm believer in
the doctrine, end expatiated largely on its
points. He was interrupted by a gentle
man with, "K., what do you suppose your
self to have been before you were K ?" "1
do not know," replied K ; "I might have
been a pig, for aught I know." "Well,"
rejoined his friend, "yon have not altered
much only get upon your hind legs."
Two valuable trotting horses collided
during a trotting carnival at Poughkeepsie,
N. Y., on Saturday last, and both were
killed by sleigh shafts piercing their breasts.