7
JL
SJcootcu to politics, Citcroturc, Agriculture, Science, iilovnut", emu cncral 3ntelligcucc.
VOL. 34.
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., JANUARY 18, 1877.
NO. 32.
Published by Theodore Schoch.
Terms Tiro dollars a year in advance and if not
paid before th-i eud f the year, two dollars aud fifty
ientj will b charged.
paner discontinued until all arrearages are
aid except at the option of the Editor.
' 0- Advertisement of one square of (eiirlit lines) or
Itt one or three insertion ?1 50. E:i-h additional in
.trtian 50 cents. Longer ones in proportion.
J OK 1EIITIXG
OF ALL KINDS,
Ececated in the highest style of tho Art, and on the
most reasonable tonus.
1)
R. NATHANIEL C. MILLER,
Physician and Surgeon.
OIa and residence: Corner Main and Pocono Street,
Stkocdsbitug, Pa.,
Office hours from 7 to S a. m., 1 to 2 and 7
to S p. m.
Oct. 25, 137G-tf. '
T II. SUi'LL, 31. O.
Second dor belorr Burnett House. Residence
lad dflir we-t of IioVite Quaker Church. O&cts
b.ur S to 9 a. in., 1 to 3 p. m., U to 9 p. iu.
jar 25, lS7-tf.
IMijsician aud Surgeon,
STROUDSIHTRG, Pa.
OSie, fonierly occupied 1y Dr. Seip. Residence with
J. Ill Miller, US'! door bcl jw thi j-;"rs.iniau Office.
Oflke hours, 7 to 9, 1:1 to 3 and o to 3.
Jlty 11, IS7t.-tf.
D
ft. X. I,. SEC2,
Surgeon tiezilist.
4"3ct In Jas. Elin;T's new building, nearly opposite
lln itroud-iburj l'.ank. Gas adiuuistered for extacling
wbiB d-"ired.
giraudVour. Pa. Jan. V"-t f.
X. GHO. vV. JACI1SOX
flllSICllX, SUKGEOX AND AlTOlTHEiu.
f!E?9 in Samuol Tloi' new bui!J"inr. nearly op
ytiin the pvt oi'Scl-. Residence on Sarui street,
kT FranViin.
August 8,'7-Mf
D1VII S. LKJ3,
Attorney at ILavr,
Ono door above the "Stroudsbtirg House,"
8troudsbur, Pa.
Collections promptly made.
October 22, 1874.
"iinriLso. rcistsox,
IT Notary iu!2Ic,
R?al Estate and Insurance Agent and
CONVEYANCER.
TUlf teirchtd and Conveyancing in all its
Iriiche carrfully and promptly attended to.
JLcknovledgmenU taken for other Stales.
05ce, Kistler's Brick Building near theR.R.
Depat,
EA.ST STROUDSBUEG, PA.
P. O. Box 20.
September 2S, 1S7G. tf.
Surveyor, Conveyancer and
Esal Estate Agent.
Paras. Timber Lands and To77n Lots
FOR SALE.
OfBce mearly opposite American Houes
and 21 door below the Corner Store.
Mirch '1 lS73-tf.
DR. J.LANTZ,
SURGEON & MECHANICAL DENTIST.
"till bat hi ot&ee on Mnin utreet, in the second atory
t Dr. S. Walton's brick buiHin?, u"ar!y r.pposhe. the
traadsbiirjf House, and he Hater hiiufi-if that by eih
years eouUaut practice and thii uiot earm.-st and
areful attention to all matters p 'riairiii to his pro
fiion. that h i.s fully a'ole to perform all oM-ra!ioi!s
It tbe deutal line in the iuo.t careful and skillful luau-
r.
Special attention Rireu to saving the Natural Teeth;
lo, t the luertin of Artificial Teeth on Kubber,
Cold, Silre r, or Continuous Gums, and perfect fit in ail
iai in iu red.
Mot persons know the preat folly and danger of en
tnutinjf their work.to the iucxperieiicod. or to those li
1 at a distance. April l.i, 174. tf.
Opposition toHumbuggsryl
Tlit unJersignfid hereby announces that h has re
fmti bus!oes at the old'itaud, next door to Kusttr's
O.thing .Store, Main street, St roudsburg, I'a., and Is
'tlly prepared to accommodate all in want of
BOOTS and SHOES,
d In the latest tyle and of good material. Iiepair
'Jt promptly attented to. Give me n -nll.
lSTS-ly.J C. LEWIS WATERS.
$ TOOK
PAPER nAJEE5,
GLAZIER AND PAINTER,
MONROE STREET,
Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop,
Strouosbi'ro, Pa.
The undersigned would respectfuflj in
'orai the citizens of Stroudsburg and vicinity
tbt he is now fully prepared to do all kinds
f Paper Hanging, Glazing an J Paintinjr,
Promptly and at short notice, and f fiat he
ill keep constantly on hand a fine tock of
jper Hangings of" all descriptions and at
J0 prices. The patronage of the public.
earnestly solicted. May 16, 1872.
Dwelling House for Sale.
A Tery desirable two story Dwelling HouRe, eontaiu-
l OK seven riMmir., one of which U suitable
ior a More Koom, itnat ua Main trf,
in the IWroub of Mroudsburg. The
tbuildiugis nearly new, aud every fart
Lofitia good condition. Tor teriua Ac.,
at this office. f Dec. 9, lS75-tf.
TOB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex
J ecuted at this office.
m. a
mk
THE PRESIDENCY.
STinniXQ ADDRESS T.V CONGRESSMAN
BLAIR, OF NEW-HAMPSHIRE HAYES
AND WHEELER ELECTED AND MUST EE
INAUGURATED.
Hon. Henry Vr. Blair, of the Third
District of New-Hampshire, was introduced
in the Republican Convention, at Concord
on Wednesday, after his nomination for
re-election, and made a speech of acceptance,
iu the course of which he forcibly said:
We do not know the events of the next
two months. We hope for peace. Our
recent history, the threats, machinations,
and secret treasonable organizations and
preparations of infatuated and turbuleut
demagogues among the Democracy, ad
monish us that insurrection is not impossi
ble. We must preserve the Constitution
and the laws, the right of suffrage in its
integrity for all men, black and white, and
enforce acquiescence iu the decrees of the
popular will when fairly ascertained, what
ever may be the nature of the resistance
which we encounter. This is the first duty
of patriotic conservatism, aud that duty we
shall perform. Let it be so understood.
There should be no room for misappre
hension by any person or party. Let there
be no fatal mistake. We shall preserve
peace, peaceably if possible, but we shall
conquer a peacj if necessary. The calmness
of the Republican Party is born of its
conscious strength, the justice of its cause,
and the loft' patriotism of its purposes.
The party is not simply the support of
Ilaj-es and Wheeler. It is the country's
only champion of order and law. Let not
those whose capital has been bluster council,
ferocity on the platform, fraud and cruelty
toward the ignorant and defenseless, and
pusillanimity in the presence of stern sac
rifices, which great exigencies of their own
creation re;uired of the American people
'et not sueh men mistake the loyal quiet
of the Kepubiicau Party for indiHerenee or
cowardice. Three months of intrigue and
stealth and secret practice in the haunts of I
treason are not necessar' to prepare the
Republican Party aye, the loyal men of
this whole nation without distinction of
party fur the crusade of liberty, if madmen
and demagogues choose to precipitate blood.
Forty millions of people would be armed
and Stabilised in a day, and iu the eud an
indignant nation would vindicate the uses
of the gallows, ami ornament its hideous
timbers with these conspirators against the
public peace. The Democratic I 'arty,
through the State Committee, tender to
us in substance Tildeu or revolution. We
tender to them, as we propose to ourselves,
submission to the Cons; i:ution and the laws,
or to the severest peii.ihies of their viola
tion. When the crisis comes upon that
issue, it must be, and it will be, sternly
met. And it is a source of unfading con
fidence and hope that God has placed at
the head of our affairs a chief magistrate
firm, sagacious, resolute, incorruptible, and
patriotic, who has done as much for his
country and mankind as any man in any
land whoever drew the sword or controlled
the helm of the ship of .tate.
Patriotic men of all parties and the
masses of all parties are patriotic must be
cool because tiiere is danger. Let us fol
low the counsels, and we shall reach the
solutions', of peace. Methods known to
the law are ail-sufiicient. Let us hope
that time and the presence of real danger
will clog the tongues of these blatant con
querors and mollify the borrid'front of this
paper and platform war. lint this is no
ease for compromise. There is nothing to
compromise. Either Hayes or Tilden is
elected and one of them should be in
augurated, and will be inaugurated, while
the other must not be inaugurated be
cause, as his opponent has been so he
has not been, and cannot be, elected either
by the people or by the House. I firmly
believe that justice and the unimpeached
forms of law now demonstrate the election
of Mr. Hayes; aud I see nothing but suc
cessful treason, which is revolution, that
can prevent his triumphant succession to
the Presidency of the United States.
What may be hoped by the whole country
from that event, may be inferred from his
dignified bearing ever since, as well as
before, his election, and from the elevated
sentiments and broad patriotism which are
exhibited in every act and utterance of his
public life. To elect a President, and then
tocompromi.se away his inauguration under
threats of revolution or of violence or for
plunder from any cause whatever is
destruction of constitutional government.
It is the establishment of a president
which will abolish elections because in all
future time, fraud and violence before,
coupled with noise and threatening after,
the decision cf the bal!ot-bot, will have
only to follow that precedent in order to
reverse the decrees of the people at the
polls whenever it is more pleasant to
threaten rebellion than to acquiesce iu the
result of the laws of the land.
A well known bald-headed banker, who
always prides himself on being a self-made
man. during a recent talk with a friend had
occasion to r mark that be was the archi
tect of his own destiny that he was a self
made man. '-W-w-hat d-did you s-say ?"
asked the friend, who stutters. Ml -ay
with Tti ide that I am a self made man
that I made myself," replied the banker.
"Then while you were m-m-making your
self," stammered his friend, "why the
dickens d-did n't vou n-put some more h-hair
on the t-top of your h-hcad !"
"Brace up and have some style about
you," said a boy to the gentleman who
suddenly sat down on the sidewalk.
GRAND FATHER'S FIRST PRAYER
It was a terrible winter snow storm af
ter snow storm, high winds every few days,
so that we had enough to do, neighbor Ea
ton and I, to take care of our cattle, keep
warm and keep the paths open. Toward
the last of February we had another terri
ble storm. I worked pretty much all d ay
shoveling, and was tired enough at ni'dit;
so after I had toasted my feet aud sipped
my mug of order, as it was about 8 o'clock,
I told your grandmother I would go out
and take a look at the cattle and go to bed.
I found them all right, and was stand
ing just outside the door here a minute,
thinking, when I heard ''help ! help !" in a
woman's voice that sounded as if it really
came from the moon.
"What's that, Pully ?" says I.
"A woman calling for help. It must be
from 'Thieves' Hole,' " said she, "and you
must go aud get Eaton and' find out what
it means."
I knew she was right, and I put on my
snow shoes aud went down to neighbor Ea
ton's. At first I could not make them believe I
had heard anything, but when I said Polly
heard it too, they concluded that I was
right, and Eaton began to get ready.
Over beyond the crest of that line of
hills, a valley dips down, about half the
height of the hill from the plain lure, then
rises up to a greater height beyond. A
few years after this settlement was begun,
a nest of English thieves broke "round
there. They lived pretty much like brutes.
At first we all joined and helped them get
up their log houses, but we found out soon
enough what a lot they were, aud let them
alone.
S ) we set off. It was a hard pull up the
hill, but we had not got more than halfway
down to the huts tliey were all close to
getlier when we come upon a woman ly
ing in the snow. She was almost dead, but
as soon as we spoke she screeched out,
'Stand off! Don't touch me, or your're
dead men !"
We did not know what she meant at
first, but she went on. "I'm most dead
with small pox. We've all of us got it, and
half of us are dead, I du'no but we'll all be
off 'fore morning.
After thinking and consulting a little, we
pulled off our outer coats and tied the
sleeves together, then spread them on the
snow beside the woman, and she managed
to roll on them, then we took hold of the
corners, and carried her down :
You em't imagine the horrors those
three log huts contained. Twenty eight
souls there were, all told, and seventeen of
them lay dead of the small-pox, and all the
rest horribly sick. The woman whom we
had Irought in died almost as soon as she
was within the walls.
Eaton and I went outside and sat down
in the snow to talk it over. We arranged
that he should go back at once and speak
to our wives, then go to Ilobart's and ar
range to have him come up to the top of
the hill every day, and we would go within
speaking distance, and tell him what was
wanted.
So he pulled on the coat the woman had
laid in, saying : "It don't matter much
now," and started off.
I began pulling the dead bodies out of
the huts, and drcaful work it was, breath
ing my own deatli every moment. Before
Eaton got back, I had cleared one hut en
tirely, and had all the sick ones in the
other two.
We did all we could for them. The se
cond day a doctcr got there, but he said
the moment he looked at them, they could
not one live. And so it proved. Before
the third day drew to a closJ, they were
all gone. We had beca burying them as
fast as we could, but the snow was so deep
it was slow work.
llobart found a man to nurse when our
time came, and we got through as well as
anybody could. During our convalescence
the nurse had filled the huts up prcttj well
with the driest wood he could find, and
wheu the doctor said we might go home
next day, llobart brought us up fresh
clothes, and when we were ready to start,
we set them all afire. I had never knelt
down and prayed iu my life ; but when we
were on the top of the hill, and looking one
way saw three towers of yellow flame run
ning up into columns cf black smoke, and
looking the other way, the slender thread
of smoke blue, as the heavens above, rising
from my own hearthstone, where the sweet
est woman God ever made was waiting and
praying for me, I fell down on my kuee3
aud thanked God for my life, and promised
to my first cbject in the future to love and
serve him as my wife did.
There U nothing so sweet as to be loved,
except loving. By love we mean, of course,
the true, rure love which is not a thing of
the senses but of tbe soul love that is the
outgrowth of goodues. What will not one
do to win or keep such tenderness ? What
will not one risk, or dare, or forsake for it?
Is any journey log that ha; a love-kiss at
the end of it? any duty hard that ce
Lients the bouds between two hearts? - To
be truly loved is the great reward life has
to offer. And anyone who has a heart
and doesn't mind showing it, who can put
tside selfishness and be true to others, can
Y.iu love. To have people temporarily in
love with yon needs only beauty. To be
beloved, one must have truth, tenderness,
constancy, and responsiveness. Be good
and do good, and despite all that is said
about this world's ingratitude, seme one
will love you.' ' .
. . . .
Thousands of base deceivers are hung
every night on the backs of chairs.
A BIG FIRE.
GREAT DAMAGE TO THE MINES IN THE
LYKENS VALLEY.
A despatch from Ilarrisburg says :
A terrifie fire has been ranging in the
Lykens Valley anthracte mines of this
county since Monday last, and all efforts to
bring it into subjection have failed. It is
hourly becoming more destructive and dam
age to the amount of $1U0,0(K) had already
been done. The fire is supposed to have
orignated from a spark thrown from a
miiier's lamp. It threatens to destroy the
entire mining interests of this county which
amount to over Sl,t00,000 a year. In eight
hours after the fire broke out an areaf
over 500 yards was burning, and now several
mile of the mines are on fire. Already
about 800 men have been thrown out of em
ployment. All the miners escaped some of
them with great difficulty. The heat is
causing the earth above to f.r!l in immense
pits. The course of Bear Creek, a small
steam has been diverted into the mine but
without visible salutary effects. The im
pression is that the 'fire will not cease
until it has no fuel to feed it. If will re
quire about a year to repair the damage
already done. The fire this morning had
bumad its way a distance of 4S0 yards from
the bottom gangway.
ST. LOUIS PROUD OF ITS DOGS.
The St. Louis Globe Democrat of the
5th iast. says : "The gentlemen connected
with the St. Louis Kennel Club were very
much gratified yesterday at the reception
of several telegraphic dispatches stating that
their entries had swept everything before
them at the fair of the Maryland Poultry
aud Dog Fanciers' Association being held
at Baltimore. To explain what follows it
should be stated that when the St. Louis
Fair Association decided to give a bench
show last Fall two members of the Kennel
Club were induced to take charge of the
affair. As only 8100 had been devoted
to this branch of the exhibition, the gen
tlemen referred to decided to confine the
premiums to pointers and setters, thercby
throwing out most of their own dogs ; but
even then the St. Louis Club carried off
all the honors, the superiority of their en
tries being apparent to every one. The
show at Baltimore commenced on Tuesday.
The St. Louis Kennel Club sent on ten
dog3 and a number of pups to be exhibited
with them. Of this number, however, only
six were entered for prizes, namely, the
imported English setter Rock, the impor
ted Irish setters Elcho, Erin, Rose, and
Loo 2d, the native setter bitch Kate, and
the pointer bitch Lily. Out of these six
entires the St. Louis Club won three first
and two second prizes, as follows : Best
imported English setter dog, first prize,
Rock ; best imported Irish setter dog, first
prize, Elcho ; best imported Irish setter
bitch, first prize, Loo ; best native English
setter bitch, second prize, Kate ; best poin
ter bitch, second prize, Lliy. To make the
superiority of the St. Louis entires over all
others more binding, if such a thing were
needed, it may be added that all the special
prizes were carried off by the St. Louis
dogs, including the grand prize of $100 for
the best setter or pointer bitch ; $25 for
the best setter dog cr bitch, cither native
or imported ; 825 for the best English set
ter dog for stud purposes, taken by Rock ;
825 for the best brace of setters of any
strain, taken by Elcho and a case of stuffed
birds for the best Irish setter bitch, also
taken by Loo."
FALLING IN LOVE.
There is nothing no moral or intel
lectual phenomena more strange than fall
ing in love. What it is : whence it ori-jfi-nates
; how it is brought about ; these things
are among the hidden mysteries of our na
ture. A girl has reached the age of eighteen ;
a young man that of twenty-one. They
hare lired at home ; traveled a little j pur
sued their studies ; attended parties, and
been a good deal in the society of other
voung people ; yet they never took a very
deep interest in anything in particular ;
neither of them ever cared very much for
any other person.
They meet, and lo ! of a sudden, all is
changed ! Each sees the other in a differ
ent light from what any other was ever
seen in : the whole world seems changed.
Life itself is changed : their whole being is
changed, to be like what it was, again,
nevermore !
Love is often as sudden as this, but not
always.
Sometimes it is of very slow growth.
Persons have known each other for years,
and been much in each other's society, and
been intimate all this time, but never think
ing of a tie stronger than friendship : when
some incident of event a temporary part
ing, or the intervention between them of a
third person, friend or stranger reveals to
them, for the first time, the great truth
that they are mutually iu love.
Yet tliis love, springing up gradually
and imperceptibly, is no less mysterious
and unfathomable than that which is sud
den aud at first sight. .
It is not mere friendship grown strong :
it is a more absorbing, more violent, more
uncontrollable sentiment.
Whether a person can fall in love more
than once is a mooted question.
Some people appear to fall in love many
times.
It is not unusual to see widowers, who
have been very devoted husbands, marry
again and seem to love the second wife just
as well as the first.
A CONJUGAL CONTRACT.
IIOAV A MASSACHUSETTS COUPLE MARRIED
THEMSELVES.
From the Boston Herald, Dec. JJ1.
Those who know Moses Hull, aud they
arc not few, that he is an avowed believer
in what is termed free love, or mating with
out the ceremony of marriage ns performed
by preachers and Justices of the Pence,
and that he practices what he preaches.
He has, in many written articles and iu
speeches from numerous rostrums, demand
ed, and continues to demand, that all
marriage laws shall be repealed, and that
parties may be allowed to marr and divorce
themselves under a general law of contracts.
The law-makers have not yet seen fit
to comply with the demands made by
Moses, but notwithstanding this fact, his
teachings and practices have been followed
by his daughter, Mary Florence Hull, a
plump brunette, who has entered into a
conjugal partnership with a good-looking
and apparently vigorous young man. and
the firm name is Hull & Johnson. Tues
day evening last, while a p:rty of friends
were g ithered at the residence of Moses,
to wish him a pleasant trip to Vineland,
N. J., and a safe deliverance from the court
there which summoned him to trial for
practicing what he preached, his daughter,
Mary Florence, and Horace Alvin Johnson,
a clerk in a leather store on High street,
walked into the room and requested Moses
to read the following :
BUSINESS AND CONJUGAL CONTRACT BE
TWEEN MARY FLORENCE HULL AND
HORACE ALVIN JOHNSON.
We, vhos3 names are hereunto fixed,
do, on this twenty-sixth day of December,
in the year one thousand eight hundred
and seventy-six of the Christian era, enter
into a busines and conjugal contract : the
firm to be known as Hull and Johnson.
We regard ourselves as, in every sense
of the word, equal partners, promising to
strive to treat each other, under all circum
stances, as becomes such. We promise
that we will not try in any other way than
by advice or persuasion to control the
actions of each other.
Believing that neither Church nor State
have any business with our affairs, we
propose to live onr own lives without
reference to cither, further than, if neces
sary, to give security to the Commonwealth
of Massachusetts that our children, should
we be blessed with offspring, shall be, at
least, as well eared for as are a majority of
those born in legal wedlock.
We further contract that when mutual
love shall no longer justify our conjugal
union, we shall part, giving the State as
little trouble iu our parting as we have in
coming together.
After the contract was read the parties
called for criticism. If their union was
not right, or the document was not right,
they wanted to know it. Brief remarks
embodying approval and good wishes were
made by friends, after which Florence and
Horace stepped forward and signed the
copartnership document.
A reporter called at the house of Florence
and Horace, No. 30 Hudson street, at 'J:30
o'clock Saturday evening, and the news
paper Paul Pry was very politely informed
by the masculine member of the firm, that
they were very happy and contented.
A Race of Lion witli Tails Reported.
From the Fall Mall Gazette.
A Wcsleyan missionary, Rev. George
Brown, has returned in safety from an
exploration of twenty months on the un
known coasts of New-Britain and New
Ireland. He crossed tlie latter island whieh
he found well populated. "No white man
was ever seen inland before, but no opposi
tion was offered to the explorers. A dif
ficulty was experienced in getting the
natives to go any distance from their villages,
as they are so often at war with one another.
Plenty of proofs of cannibalism were found.
One of the party, on going into one house
to light his pipe, saw a woman roasting the
thigh and leg of a man who was killed the
day before' The exploring part)- were
interested in the curious legend of the tribe
of "tailed men" which is met with in many
unciyiUzed countries, but they did not;
unfortunately, succeed in getting any
further than second-hand testimony. "The
natives," it is stated, "of Blanche Bay,
New-Britain, affirm posit vely the existence
of a race of men with tails at a plac.J called
Kali, and deny indignantly that they are
meukeys, asking if monkeys could fight with
spears, plant yams, make houses, &C." But
it is significantly added that the interesting
race dwell iu the interior of the country,
"where no white person has ever pene
trated." Mr. Cockerell, a naturalist, who
accompanied the expedition, had special
opportunities of research. Hewasdetaind
for some time as a hostage in New-Britaiu,
and was engaged in "collecting" upon New
Ireland for five months. He found the
natives "very friendly," but he does not
otherwise give them a good character.
"They are all dreadful cannibals, and
there is a strange custom in New-Ireland
which requires that a chief's daughter shall
be kept in a cage within her father's Louse
until she is of a marriageable age. The
cnge scarcely gives her room to move, and
the cannot leave it during any part of the
day, though she is allowed to take a stroll
with near relatives after uightf all. Wheu
a chief dies his body is wrapped up and
placed in a tree, and the poor eople are
put in canoes in the sea to float away. The
natives have large plantations, and work
about two days in the week. The' live
chiefly ou bananas, eoeoanuts, aud pork,
but they also indulge in human flesh."
"i .I'm. in jwuiiihi ajh .u JHHUHI in tf j uuj l.h wu
A STUDENT OF DIVINITY".
A minister who does not believe in im-
mersion for baptism. Was holding protracted
meeting, and one night he preached on the
subject of baptism.
Iu the course of his remaks, he said that
some believed it necessary to go down into
the water and come out of the water to be
baptized.
But this he claimed to be a fallacy, for"
the proposition "into" of the scriptures
should be rendered differently, as it does
not mean "into" at all times. "Moses," he
said, "we are told, went up into the moun
tain, and our Savior was taken into high
mountain, etc. Now we do not suppose;
that cither went into the mountain, but
upon it. So with going down into the wa
ter ; it meai;3 going down close by or near
to the water, and being baptized in the or
dinary way by sprinkling."
He carried out this idea fully, and in
due season and style closed his discourse,
when he gave an invitation to any one who
felt so disposed, to rise and express their
thoughts.
Quite a number of the brethern arose
and said that they were glad they had been
present on this occasion ; that they were
well pleased with the sound sermon they
had just heard, and felt their souls greatly
blessed. Finally a corpulent gentleman of
Teutonic extraction, a stranger to all, arose
and broke a slience that was almost painful,
as follows :'
"Mr 'readier, I vos so glad I vos here
to night, for I has explained to my mind
some tings I never could pelieve pefore
Ye read, Mr. Preacher, that Daniel vas
cast into dc den of lions, .and came out
alive. Now, I never could pelieve dat, for
do wild leasts vould shust cat him up right
off, put now it ish very clear to my mind.
He vas shust cast close py or near to, and
did not get into the den at all.
"Oh, I vas so glad I vas here to-night f
Den ve read dat de Hebrew children vas
cast into de fiery furnace, aud dat, sir, al
vays looked like a pecg story, too, for dey
vould have pc-en burnt up ; put it ish all
plain to me now, for dey vas shut cast
close py or near to de fiery furnace. Oh,
I vas so glad I vas here to-night! And
den, Mr. Preacher, it ish said dat Jonah
vas cast into de sea and into de whale's
belly. Now I never could pelieve dat.
"It alvays seemed to be a peegfish story,
put it ish all plain now ; he vas not taken
into de whale's pelly at all, put shnst
shumped onto his back to ride ashore. Oh,
I vas so glad I vas here to-night ! And
now, Mr. Preacher, if you vili shust ex
plain two more passages of descripturcs, I
shall pe so happy dat I vas here to night.
One of dem ish vcre it says, de vicked shall
pe cast into de lake dat purns with fire and
primstoues alvays.
"Oh, Mr. Preacher, shall I pe cast info
dat lake if I am vicked, or shust close py
or near to shust near enough to pe com
fortable ? Oh, I hopes you vill tell me I
shall pe cast shut py, good way off, and I
will be very glad I vas here to night.
"The other passage ish dat vhich says
'Plessed are dey who do dese command
ments, dat dey may have a right to de tree
of life, and enter in through de gates into
de city.' Oh, tell me I shall get into de
city, and not shut close py or near to, shust
near enough to see vat I have lost, and I
shall be so happy dat I vas here to-night!"
He sat down with the impression made
on many minds present, that it would do
to take the bible for only what it clearly
says.
A housekeeper sent Bridget out one
morning to buy some heads of lettuce. She
returned with postage stamps. When
asked how she made the mistake she pertly
answered, "An' sure, wasn't I told to get
heads of letters ?"'
"Excuse this bit of sarcasm," said Smith
to Jones, "but I must say that you are an
infameus liar and scoundrel." "Pardon
this bit cf irony," said Jones to Smith, as
be knocked him over with the poker.
.
The Huntingdon Globe says that a flag
man on one of the passenger trains of the
Pennsylvania railroad, during the late cold
spell, had his nose and cars so badly frozen
that they had to be taken off.
Some men are like cats. You may
stroke the fur the right way for years ;-nd
hear nothing but purring; but accidentally'
treat on the tan, and all memory of former
kindness is obliterated.
A Boston man committed suicide be
cause Tilden was elected A Seda!ia(Mo.)
man has committed sucide because Tilden
was defeated.
"I'm saddest wheu I sing," said a Sun
day evening warbler. "And so's the whole
neighborhood !" roared an unmusical voice
iu the street.
An editor wishes no bodily harm to his
subscribers, but he hopes that some of
them will be seized with a remittent fever.
Truth kin take kare of its self, but a
lie has got to be watched az karcful az a
tore thuni, says Josh Billings.
0 , .
. A man who drinks lightly is now called
"a Durham," because Le.is of the "short
horn" breed.
When is the doctor most annoyed?
When he is out of patients.
All a mau who is hard-up wants is to be
let a-loan.