1
I H
Ecuotcb to politics, itcrotuvc, Agriculture, Science, illovoiitij, nub cncral Intelligence.
1- ?
33.
BBrneocc
bv Theodore Schoch.
advance and If not
f tl,.j year, two uouais u uuj
, 11 1
:'., V 1'" .'..;.. .if tlip Editor.
r n.
niiTimiil limn an ani;i6
J't ? V'; of of (cislit li.-s) or
Fs;, Aiv. r:i- ' .,.. ,.,s i Kaeh additional in-
'L )ti-"r 0,,,,s in r'uPort",IK
i.v'.l''
J0S vnisrisn
OF AM. KIN PS,
!ii.!irt jitylo of tho Art, and on the
fi in tho
KAST STIIOUDSBUKG PA.
.;,; taken and all business pertaining
;Tue iar. I ' THOMPSON,
i.
Ial I'-state Insurance Agrms,
.-, Imi! li:i' mir th IVpot.
., ia.. Jan. UT. la.f.
r,: fv
v. Li. ri.--
T-vn-'PT new build inj.RParlyoj.po-dtc
1 ,'j;jak. Oa admnistcrod for cxtai'tiuj-
r.Tan.G-S-tf.
in J1
jTa. KIRIillLTr,
Physician, Sargeon and Accoucheur,
Sand Cut, AVayxb Co., Pa.
, ,e vrmy tended, to .lay or njght
nl.!cr:to. May U, --tf.
D
rii, SUHilLlH AND ArcyiTIIElTi.
Sjir.ifl U'ni"
now bnilJinc
ridoiiee on :
nearly op
;ir;ih street,
::'!-!
D
Attorney at Law,
" : r.v. i J -b u r g 1 1 ou c,"
m:n!o.
5.r-:nit!y
i
WILLIAM S. RES3,
Sirvevcr, Conveyancer and
Raal Estate Agent.
Timber Lasds and Town
FOR SALE.
Lots
:ii e
m-.-irlv op'.ioite American
.r '. .! .vv the C'orntr Sti re.
l-;7:;-tf.
lloues
Dry. J. i-i ii I1 l
T1 "7
SUSGSOX MECHANICAL DENTIST.
a b!- n ?i!:un street.
rick b.i:k!::i-.
in the second story
!a-!v ii;isite tlie
ll.-.u.e. a:i 1 If flat-rr. i.i!neif that by ei'h-
.rf-.!!s:aiit ;.ract:i-9 and th in it earnest and
;::;!.;; -i u'l ie.att--r p.rtainin to iii.s pro
;:::.! !::-f-.'IIy aM.i t' p-Tt'iriu ai! op.-ratioii
-ti!.: i..if in tii.- nto-t ear-ft;l and skill l"a 1 :nau-
:i jv n i i svini the Natural Tefth :
; - iii' iii iu f Ai:i;i.-iai T;th on Ilubrxr.
v.-r. r i .i;;;:i'.i..'is tluiai, aiid perfect fits in all
. :- ,n. kiu.x thf ?r .n f.i!y and u;in?fT of on
iric to Ju.; tji-xpi'r:--neit. or in in? u
April 1!, 174. tf.
BV THE
COTTAGE ORGANS!
1 ititi
:prior a:ij l,e:i'i'if:i!ly finished in--i
fir (ciifcl tliiir cfiriijietitor in
w f-etne-s an: dclieacvol tone,
t!;c u: ami only jTC-miiim giv
- of rasil Orgnrii at the Monroe
d! S-ptf-n!jer 2". 174.
tv the i'or price list addros
SKiAl' I
t i t rs t. k- :-
PAPER
?5 A T P R
a ri it U i &9
GLAZIER AND PAINTER,
MONROE STRECT,
Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop,
Strovdsburo, Pa.
I lie unJertrineJ would respectfully in
, rri) t!e citizens of Stroudsburg ond vicinity
lathe is now fully prepired to do all kinds
J' "jwr IIanginr, Glazing and Painting,
promptly and at bhort notice, and that he
kepp constantly on hand a fine fetock of
"Per Hanging of all descriptions and at
I0 prices, The patronage of the public
'earnestly eolictcd. " May 1G, 1672.
FOR SALE,
A double house and lot, near the Court
usp, elvap. Win ! sull together or sepa-
te
-a
ir.
i.rof!,',,,uitI',lrthswcr
fuad,"! Ic. 2."!, is;3.-tf.
P. S. LEE.
welling House for Sale.
V"' 'irablc two story Dwelling House, contain
iCTT'K sf'vou fiu'i, one of which i.f suitable
yif f"r stun- Jiooin, idtuate on Main irt,
""- 1'rou-li of Mroudfihurs. The
i.l,ltl:rTtw?''t"lding i.s nearly new, and every part
good eonditiou.
I'or terms Ac.,
411 tl.is oinoe.
Dec. 3, lS75-tf
CAUTION !
Persons are lnrbv rantioned not to
AH
PSiW Oil ailv nmiwrlu Vf lK.iruIo-noil
g"ale in vt......l i-. ,r r..
tnl on,e,Vhiting this notice will be prosecuted
10 iiie full c, t., . . r .1. . 1
An , ' JUU lownKnip, iuonroe county, j a
S,.,, JACOB II. BUTTS.
-luojirjurj, Tl on io-r
D
i. !
0'T you luiikw fli:if
.1. If.
Under-
wclJarty & Sons are the
only
Win 1D,b,-r0U(isburg who understands their
Van u Jf not' attcnd a funeral managed
W other Undertaker in towu, aud you
Proof of th fact.
. i . I I l"l I
'.-.t;:e. l- ;;;; v
s carry i.;":'
t Fair. I
0.1 r-tfd
turn
VALUABLE STOCK AT
PRIVATE SALE.
The undersigned offers at prirate sale tho following
celebrated tH-k of Cows, Heifers and lalves, which
brciil wa import el by Fowler, one the best judges
of stuck in the Tinted States. ,
A lot of Ayrshire Cows and Heifers.
A lot of Durham Cows and Heifers.
A bt of ero.sed htoek.
A lot of Ayrshire Calves.
A lot of Durham Calves.
The jitoek can bo examined on the stock farm of Col.
I-. K. Norton, near this Borough, l or terms, Ac. call
JOHN SELWCOD.
Stroudshurg. April 0, 1S7G.
DOWN TOWN
AVc tlic undersigned respectful!- inform
the citizens of itroudsburg and vicinity,
that we have added to our large assort
ment of
HATS AIID GAPS,
A complete and carefully selected stock of
Men's & Yonlhs' Ready
fl'iflniio-
of the latest and
and best quality,
plete line of
most fashionable styles
AVe have also a com-
FUnNISKJKC GOODS
l lease trive us a call ana examine our
stock and prices before you purchase else
where. AVe shall
soon oner a
lanre assort-
ment of
Umbrellas, Traveling Eags, &c.
You will find us one door west of Key
stone Drug Store, Main Street, Strouds
burg, Pa.
X. I. Silk Hats ironed and repaired
at short notice. Give us a call.
AVALTOX & AYIXTEllMUTK.
Stroud-burg, April 20, 1S70.
ocial"1totice.
$000 HE WARD!
FR03I STROUDSBURG,
A tall-com ple.xioned YOUNG MAX, aged
" ft. G in., height loO lbs. Had on, when la?t
seen two pairs of kwallow-tatled sealskin
troupers, fashionable niuttun cutlet waiwoat,
with delirium trimmings; double-barrelled
fri-ick coat, with borne collar and sausage
lining; patient leather-bottom lop .shoes, laced
up at the o!e, and buttoned inside.
lie is deaf and dumb of one eye and hard
of healing with the other, with a slight squint
in his eve teeth ; stoops very up right with a
loud impediment in his look, chignon on up
per lip with whiskers bitten off short inside;
mouth like a torn iocket ; hair of a deep scarlet
blue and parted from ear to yonder; Calves of
legs rising 4 years, to be sold cheap on ac
count of the clearness of milk; very liberal
with other peoples' money, and well known to
a good templar, having been eleventeen years
a member of the I. O. G. T. (I Often Get
Tight Society).
Anv one who knows of his whereabouts will
please report at the
Empire Clothing Store,
where he will find the
LARGEST and BEST ASSORTMENT
OF
Men and Boy's Clothing,
Hats and Caps,
Gents' Furnishing Goods,
Trunks, Valices, &c. &c.
kept in thia vicinity, and which we will sell
at the
LOWEST PANIC PRICES !
If you want to save money don't fail to ex
amine our stock before purchasing elsewhere.
If you want GOOD GOODS at low prices,
there is no place in Monroe County to com
pete with the EMPIRE CLOTHING STOKE.
Our new stock is complete in every particu
lar. Please call and examine for yourselves.
SIMON FRIED,
at Empire Clothing Store.
Stroudsburg, March 23, 1S76. tf.
BLANK MORTGAGE
For sale at this Oflice.
OS r "
iOIillil
M i SSI &t
STROUDSBURG, MONROE
THE NEW TRAMP LAW.
AN ACT TO DEFINE AND SUITRESS VAG
RANCY. Section 1. Be it enacted, Ac, That the
following described persons are hereby
declared to be vagrants :
I. All persons who shall unlawfully re
turn into any district whence they have
been legally removed without bringing a
certificate from the proper authorities'of
the city or district to which they belong
stating that they have a settlement therein.
II. All persons who shall refuse to per
form the work which shall be allotted to
them by the overseers of the poor as pro
vided by the act of June thirteenth, one
thousand eight hundred and thirty-six,
entitled "Au Act relating to the support
and employment of the poor.
III. All persons going about from door
to door, or placing themselves iu streets,
highways or other roads to beg or gather
alms, and all other persons wandering
abroad and begging who have no fixed
place of residence in the township, ward or
borough in which the vagrant is arrested.
IA All persons who shall come from
any place without this Commonwealth to
an' place within it, and shall be found
loitering or residing therein, and shall
follow no labor, trade, occupation or busi
ness, and have no visible means of subsis
tence, and can give no reasonable account
of themselves or their business in such
place.
Section 2. If any person shall be found
offending in any township or place against
this act it shall and may be lawful for any
constable or police officer of such township
or place, and he is hereby enjoined and re
quired on notice thereof given him by any
of the inhabitants thereof, or without such
notice, on his own view, to apprehend and
convey, or cause to be conveyed, such
person to a justice of the peace or other
committing magistrate of the county, who
shall examine such person and shall commit
him, being thereof legally convicted before
him, on his own view, or by the confession
ot such oliendcrs, or bv the oath or affirma
tion of one or more credible witnesses, to
labor upon any county farm or upon the
roads and highways cf any city, township
or borough, or in any house of correction,
poor house, work house or common jail, for
a term of not less than thirty days, and not
exceeding six months, and shall forthwith
commit him to the custody of the steward
keeper or superintendent of such county
farm, house of correction, poor house, work
house or common jail, or to the supervisors
or street commissioners and overseers of
the poor of the respective county, city,
borough or towusmp wherein such person
shall be found, as in his judgment shall be
deemed most expedient. The said justice
of the peace or committing magistrate in
every case of conviction shall make up and
sign a record of conviction, annexing there
to the names and records or the different
witnesses examined before him, and shall
by warrant under hand commit such persons
as aforesaid. Provided, Any person or
crsous who shall conceive him, her or
themselves aggrieved by any act, judgment
or determination of any justice of the peace
or alderman m and concerning the execu
tion of this act may appeal to the present
or next general Quarter Sessions of the city
or county, giving reasonable notice thereof,
whose orders thereupon shall be final.
Section 3. That it shall be the duty of
the custodian or custodians of any such
vagrant to make active efforts to provide
work for every vagrant committed under
this act, and not disqualified by sickness,
old age or casualty ; and whenever labor
cannot be provided in the place to which
any vagrant is committed, it shall be law
ful for such custodian or custodians, and it
is hereby declared to be his, her or their
duty, with the approval of the board of
directors, overseers, guardians or commis
sioners of the poor, as the case may be,
to contract with the proper authorities of
any township, borough, city, county, or
other persons, to do any work or labor out
side the place of commitment. In all cases
the work or labor shall be suited to the
proper discipline, health and capacity of
such vagrant, and he shall be fed and
clothed in a manner suited to the nature
of the work engaged in, and the condition
of the season ; and when any vagrant is
committed, under the provisions of this
act, to the custody of the supervisors or
street commissioners and overseers of the
poor of anr township, borough, city or
county, it shall be their duty to provide
for him comfortable lodging or quarters,
either in a station house or other building.
The violation or neglect of any of the pro
visions of this secton shall be deemed to be
a misdemeanor, and the person so offending,
on conviction thereof in the proper court,
shall be sentenced to undergo an imprison
ment for a term not exceeding three months,
and to pay a fine not exceeding one hun
dred dollars ; cither or both iu the discre
tion of the court.
Section 4. If any person not being in
the county, township, or place iu which he
usually lives or has his home, shall apply
to any director, overseer, guardian or com
missioner of the poor of any county city,
borough, township or district, stating that
he is desirous to return to his home, but "is
poor and has not the means to do so, the
said director, overseer, guardian, or com
missioner of the poor may employ or let
out such poor person to labor at some
suitable place, to bo by them selected, aud
at such wages as shall seem to them just ;
and when in the opinion of said diretcor,
overseer, guardian or commisioner of the
poor such poor person shall have earned a
suflicieut feura, taid director, overseer,
COUNTY - , PA., MAY 18,
guardian or commissioner of the poor shall,
with the money so earned, and with such
additions thereto from the treasury of the
county, city, thorough, township cr district
as they may think reasonable, cause such
person to be returned to his home, whether
in this State or elsewhere, Porvidcd that
the expense shall not exceed twenty dollars.
Section 5. That the custodian or
custodians of such vagrant may at discre
tion discharge such vanrant at anv time
within the term of commitment upon not
less than ten days good behavior, or upon
satisfactory security that he shall not be
come a charge upon the public within one
year from the date of such discharge.
Section G. That the county comis-
sioners of every county in which there
shall not be suiticient provision for the safe
custody of persons committed under this
act, upon the recommendation of a grand
jury ot the county and approval ot the
court, are hcreoy empowered and required
to make suitable provision by buildings or
enclosures, Provided that the expense for
the same shall not exceed tne amount fixed
by the grand jury.
Section 7. That for each arrest, hear
ing or commitment made under this act,
there shall be paid out of the county
treasury to the committing magistrate and
officer making such arrest or commitment
the same fees and mileage as now provided
by law for like services in other cases of
arrest, hearing and commitment : and no
such person shall be detained beyond the
term of his commitment by reason of his
inability to pay the costs of his arrest,
hearing and commitment, but shall forth
with be discharged by the officer in whose
custody he may be. Any wilful refusal to
make such arrest on the part of any con
stable or police officer, shall subject him to
a penalty of ten dollars, to be collected as
penalties are by law collectible, and shall be
paid into the poor fund of the district in
which the officer resides.
Section S. That all poor houses, alms
houses, and other places provided for the
keeping of the poor, are hereby declared to
be work-houses for the purposes of this act ;
and it is hereby made the duty of the
custodians of such buildings to provide
work for such vagrants, and to compel
them to work therein when able not less
than six hours a day.
Section 9. That the custodian of any
vagrant, upon his discharge, and at his re
quest, shall trive him a certificate of dis
charge, which shall exempt him from any
further arrest for vagrancy for a peiod of
five davs, upon condition that he shall
forthwith leave the county wherein con
fined. And the said custodian is hereby
authorized to give, in his discretion, to
such discharged vagrant a reasonable sum
of money out of his earnings, or out of the
treasury of the township, borough, city, or
count, to defray his expenses in leaving
the county as aforesaid.
Section 10. That all acts or parts of
acts inconsistent herewith be and the same
are hereby repealed.
Why Sli3 Changed Her Church.
The facts in Mrs. AVhistler s case seem
to have been these : Mrs. AVhistler has
singular absence ot mind, and on the last
Sunday that she attended her own church
Dr. Rundcrby began to read from the
Scriptures the account of the deluge. Mrs.
AVhistler was deeply attentive, and when
the Doctor came to the story of how it
it rained for so many days and nights, she
was so much absorbed in the narrative and
so strongly impressed with it, that she
involuntardly put up her umbrella and held
it over her head while she sat in her pew.
It appears that Mrs. Mood, who sits in
the next pew in front, frequently brings
her lap-dog to church with her, and when
Mrs. AVhistler raised her umbrella sud
denly, the action affected the sensibilities
of Mrs. Moody's dog in such a manner
that he began to bark furiously.
Of course the sexton came in for the
purpose of removing tho animal, but it
dodged into a vacant pew on the other side
of the aisle and defied him, barking
vociferously all the time. Then the sexton
became warm and indignant, and he flung
a hymn book at the dog, whereupon the
dog flew out and bit his leg. The excite
meut in the church by this time, of course,
was simply dreadful. Not only was the
story of the deluge interrupted, but the
unregencrrte Sunday school scholars in the
gallery actually hissed the dog at the sexton,
and seemed to enjoy the contest exceedingly.
Then Elder McGinn came after the dog
with his cane, and as he pursued the animal
it dashed up the steps in such a fierce man
ner that the Doctor quickly mounted a
chair, aud remarked with anger flashing
through his spectacles that if this disgrace
ful scene did net soon come to an end he
would dismiss the congregation. Then the
Elder crept softly up the stairs, and after
a short struggle he succeeded in grasping
the dog by one of its hind legs. Then he
walked down the aisle with it, the dog
meantime yelling with supernatural energy,
and the Sunday-school boys making face
tious remarks.
Mrs. AVhistler turned around, with other
members of the congregation, to watch the
retreating Elder, and as she did so she
permitted her unconscious umbrella to drop
over so that the end of one of the ribs
caught Mrs. Moody's bonnet. A moment
later, when she was straightening up the
umbrella, tho bonnet was wrenched off, and
hung dangling from the umbrella. Mrs.
Moody had become exceedingly warm, at
any rate, over the onslaught made upon
her dog, but when Mrs. AVhistler removed
1876.
her bonnet she fairly boiled, over, and,
turning around, white with rage, she
screamed :
"AVhat'd you grab that bonnet for, vou
catamount? Haven't you made enough
fusa in this sanctuary to-day, skecring a
poor innocent dog, without snatching off
such bonnets as the likes ot you can t ahord
to wear, no matter how mean you live at
home, you redheaded lunatic you ! Yon
let my bonnet alone, or I'll warm you with
this parasol, if it is in meeting, now mind
me!"
Then Mrs. Whistler first seemed to
realize that her umbrella made her con
spicuous ; so she furled it and concluded
to escape from an embarrassing position by
by going home. And as she stepped into
the aisle her enemy gave her a parting
salute :
"Sneaking off before the collcctian, too !
You'd better spend less for breastpins and
give more to the poor heathen, if you don't
want to ketch it hereafter IM
Then she began to fan herself furiously,
and as Mrs. AVhistler emerged from the
front door, and things became calmer, the
Doctor resumed the story of the Flood.
Rut Mrs. AVhistler has given up her pew
and gone over to the Presbyterians, and
there arc rumors that Mrs. Moody is going
to secede, also, because Elder McGinn
insists that she shall leave her dog at home.
Max Adder.
ANECDOTES OF LINCOLN.
What He said about the Danger of As
sassinationA Cincinnati Hotel Bill.
Mr. J. ' Gillespie, of Edwardsville. Illi
nois, writes to the St. Louis Glohc-Demo-crat
as follows :
" I met Mr. Lincoln one day coming alone
"across lots" from the AVar Office to the
AA'hite house. There was no one in sight.
I remonstrated with him for exposing him
self to the danger of assassination and re
marked that he, perhaps, had adequate con-
ception ot how impartant the preservarion
of his life was to the country and the policy
and measures he was carrying out. He
said he thought he realized to the full ex
tent the necessity of avoiding interruptions
to the course events were taking, '-but,
said he, "I can t see clearly how this dan
ger is to be fully guarded against. The
military men have been talking of provid
ing a body guard for me, but I tell them
they can't always be with me, and I don't
believe that it is worth while to put up a
feuce if you are obliged to leave any of the
gaps down.
How conscientious he was about paying
debts will be shown by the following : In
1858 (I think) he was invited by a com
mittee to deliver a political address in Cin
cinnati. Shortly after his return from the
performance of that duty I was at his room
one evening when his mail matter arrived.
After reading one of his letters he handed
it to me, saying that "it mortified him to
think he had been so negligent as to leave
without inquiring about his hotel bill."
He said "he supposed it had been paid by
the committee, but that aid not excuse
him for not inquiring about it." I saw from
the latter that the bill was for fifty dollars
for a suite of rooms at the hotel.
lid I,
"Lincoln, ou have been going it on th
big figures, I perceive. How long did you
stop ? "Only one night, said he. "I ar
rived in the evening, delivered my address,
and lett next morning. iut, 1 see you
had a suite of rooms. "A ell said ho
"that is news to me. I did not know that
I had more room than I ordinarily occupy.
I neither called for any more, nor was I in
formed that more was allotted to me. 1
thought I was an ordinary guest." "Well,5
said I, "if I were in your place I would in
vestigate this matter. I think vou will
find something wrong about it. It is hard
ly possible that the committee who invited
you and prepared for your reception neg
lected to pay your hotel bill. It is still less
likely that they refused to pay it, for it
must have been presented to them before
being sent to you, if not paid in the first
instance. I think this is a case of 'black
mailing' by the clerks in the hotel, and you
owe it to yourself not to be victimized.
They have a wonderful faculty for discern
ing whom they may fleece or neglect with
impunity." I had learned from compar
ing notes with him that he and I were fit
subjects for their designs. I had heard
him say that he stood in greater awe of a
hotel clerk or water than of any other hu
man being : that he never had such a realiz
ing sense of his utter un worthiness as when
he was confronted with one of these in
tcnsly frigid and ineffably dinified hotel
clerks. Mr. Lincoln rather agreed that he
would write to Cincinnati about the bill. I
saw him in a few days and inquired about
the matter. He told me he had sent on
the money and settled it. Said I, "Lin
coln, you are more tender footed with these
chaps than ever I am. I will dispute with
them sometimes. I made a clerk strike
out a charge of fifty cents a day for fire in
tho month of July. He did it reluctuant
ly, because he said I could have hail fire if
I wanted it." "Well," said Lincoln, "that
was not exactly the reason I paid the bill.
I did not believe any one would be guilty
of trying to cheat me in that way, and I
did not know the rules and necessities of
hotel-keepers, and so concluded that they
had served me as they did others ; and I
felt it to be my duty to pay it, although I
confess it looked a little mysterious."
A North Carolina paper reports that in
consequence of the scarcity of money cows
have become almost the medium of ex
change in that State. The Indianapolis
Jourual says they make small change in
calves and spring lambs.
NO. 51.
The San Pj-ancisco Coll publishes a
collection; of despatches from the leading
wheat-growing sections of California, nearly
all of which agree in stating that the crop
prospects were never so good as now.
A Southern paper says that when the
revenue detectives boarded a steamer direct
from Cuba the other day the captain invi
ted them below to dine, and while he was
saving a very lenghty grace the crew put
ashore a lot of smuggled cigars.
Hanover has a family named Dillcr, who
arc heavy weights. The combined avoir
dupois cf the six sons is 1,G07 pounds.
Iheir respective weights are as follows:
Cyrus, 282 pounds ; Isaiah, 27U ; Adam,
279 ; Simon, 2G7 ; AVilliam, 2G0, and Luther,
the baby, 240.
Rye looks good. Amcnia Times. And
it tastes good, too. Donbvrt Times. In
a horn. Berkshire Courier. AVhereunoa
the Times remarks : AVe meant rye bread,
but it is evident the Courier man is wander
ing toward the stuff that biteth like a ser
pent aud stingeth like a book-keeper.
There is a man named Thurston, living
on AVhite Oak creek, in Titus countr, Tex
as, who is seven feet eight inches in height
and well proportioned. Tbe people thero
feel much favored m being able to see this
giant as many times in a day as they
choose, "free of charge."
Mr. Fox, an engineer on the Southwes
tern Railroad, Georgia, has had several
thousand hickory sticks cut from the Na
tional Cemetery at Andersonville, which
lie proposes to take to Philadelphia and of
fer for sale as relics made mcmoerable by
the recent debates in Congress, and the
lengthy discussions in the newspapers.
The Montreal Witness says that the grave
of Joseph Guibord already wears a look of
neglect. It is depressed several inches, as
though the earth had settled after the ex
cavation had been filled in. and no head
stone or monument marks the spot. Xear
by are the pieces of Mnie. Guibord's cross,
splintered, muddy,-and well whittled by
curiosity hunters.
A blind boy, who was taken into an ele
vator for the first time in a Cleveland ho
tel on Friday, set up the most terrific
screams when the cab began to rise, aud
would not be pacified until it was stopped.
He explained that he supposed he had been
misled, and was being taken down into the
dissecting room of a medical college to bo
used as a subject.
An Indiana postmaster writes to Mayor
Stokley, of Philadelphia, that the Centen
nial city "is to be laid in ashes in June
next and the people will wade in blood to
their knees." It is comforting, however,
to know that the startling news comes in
the shape of a rumor from Allentown in
this State, and is attributable to a regular,
old fashioned Dutch ghost.
A Treston man was very angry on goj
ing home the other night, to find that his
wife had lent the only bible in the house.
He said it was a disgrace that in this period
of Christian enlightenment a family should
have only one copy of the bible. It seems
he wanted to decide a bet as to whether it
was Paul or Cephas who said, "Consistency,
thou art a jewel."
There is a musical prodigy in Shenandoah
It is a boy only one year old. Although
unable to speak plainly, it is said he will
'sit down to the piano and play with the
ease and grace which might be expected of
a scion of the house of You Rulow." Al
though that is a rather non-committal
statement, yet it had better be taken with
a grain of allowance.
The reports cf the farmers are very en
couraging concerning the crops of the pre
sent season. The fears that the open win
ter and the unprotected ground might prove
disastrous to fruits and cereals do not, hap
pily, seem likely to be realized. The re
ports from the grain and fruit regions of
this State are very favorable. It looks as
if we might expect a year of abundance.
If this shall prove the case, it will be the
gladest celebration of our Centennial.
AVhen a Norristown woman asked her
husband for two dollars to buy a calico
dress, he whipped a pappcr out of his coat
tail pocket and pointed to an editorial
which cleraly showed that female extrava
gance was the ruination of some of our
best men, and even the country itself was
being demoralized from the same cause.
Then he gave her ten cents to buy hair"
pins, lit a ten-cent cigar, and left the house-
and lost three dollars playing billiards
before returning home. Herald.
In a Detroit street car a man's breath
snulled so strongly of whiskey that a gen
tleman moved across the car to get out of
the circle.
"Any zing wrong ?" asked the drunkard,
as he observed the change.
"Nothing except your breath smells of
whiskey enough to knock a horse over."
" 'Spcct she does she does," was the
candid reply, "but you don't spect poor
man like me.tQ buy cologe an' whiskey,
too, do j ou ?"
An old bachelor at New Orleans had
been deterred from committing matrimony
in the following way : Thinking over the
subject, and particularly of the expense of
maintaining a family, he set the table in
his lonely abode with plates for himself and
imaginary wife and five childreu. He then
sat dowu to dine, and as often as he helped
himself to food, he put the same quantity
on each of the other plates, and surveyed
the prospect, at the same time comparing
the cost. He ia still a bachelor.
flf