1
A
Ocuotci to politico, literature, Agriculture, 0dcncc, iKoralitn, nub (general 3ntelligencc.
VOL. 20.
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA.; SEPTEMBER 12, IS67.
NO. 5.-
Y
Published by Theodore Schoch.
TERMS Two dollars a year in advance and if not
faid bef re the end of the year, two dollars and fitly
et. will be charged.
No paperdisoontintied until all arre.iiagcs are paid,
except at the option of the Editor.
ICPAJvertiseinents of one tqiinreof (eigl.t lineal or
"ess, one or three insertions $ I 50. Earn additional
Insertion, 50 cents. Longer ones in propottiun.
JOB PltlXTIXG!,
OF ALL KIND8,
Executed in the highest style of the Arl.andonth
most ica.sor. ible terms.
ttEOKGE li. WALKER,
A large number of Farms wanted.
Residence at John Kern's, Main street,
Stroudsburg, Pa
LJune 1SU7.
mi. i. d. smith,
Snxgeon Dentist,
Office on Main Street, opposite Judge
Stokes' residence, Sprovdsbubo, Pa.
CO Teeth extracted without pain. jQ
August 1, 1867.
C. V. SEIP, M.D.,
Physician and Surgeon,
Has removed his office and residence to
the building1, lately occupied by Wm. Davis,
Esq., on Main stroet. Devoting alLhis time
to his profession he will be prepared to an
swer all calls, either day or night, when not
professionally engaged, with promptness.
OCT" Charges reasonable.
Stroudsburg, April 11, lS67.-tf.
DR. A. H. SEM,
DENTIST, -
WILL be pleased to see all ulio wish
to have their Dentistry done in a
proper and careful manner, beautiful sets of
artificial teeth made on Gold, Silver, or Rub
ber Plates as persons may desire. Teeth
carefullytextracted without pain, if desired.
The public are invited to give him a call at
the office formerly occupied by Dr. Seip,
next door to the Indian Queen Hotel. All
work warranted. April 25, '67.
S. HOLLIES, Jr.
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, AND GENERAL
CLAIM AGENT.
STROUDSBURG, PA.
Office xcith S. S. Dithfr, Esq.
All claims against the Government prose
cuted with dispatch at reduced rates.
Ck5 An additional bounty of 8100 and of
$50 procared for Soldiers in the late War,
TfiEK OF EXTRA CHARGE.
August 2, 1S6G.
mt7Wr1tokoWi7,
M. & T. P. WATSON, Proprietors.
No.'s 117 & 119 North SECOND Street,
(Between Arch and Rce,)
PHILADELPHIA, PA.
Close proximity to the business center of
the city, excellent accommodation, and care
ful attentien to the comfort and wants of
guests are characteristics of the Mount Ver
non. The House has been thoroughly ren
ovated and new-furnished. The patronage
of the public is respectfully solicited.
October 11, ISSG.-tf.
"c'rKTjTsfDIOL DO MR LIEBE LEIT!
a iyeiv mm
STROUDSBURG, PA.,
m
PARTNERSHIP DISSOLUTION.
A DRUG STORE,
AND
A Net? and Cheap Stock of Goods.
PETER S. WILLIAMS, of the firm of DE
TRICK &. WILLIAMS, having sold out his
entire interest in said firm, the business will
will hereafter be carried on by
.C. S. DETRICK & CO.,
at the old Stand a6 hercto'bre, a few do.TS
Lelow the Stroudsburg- Bank.
Their Stock consists of a large and varied
assortment of
Drugs Medicines, Watches, Clocks and
Jewelry, Funcy and Toilet Articles,
Paints, Oils, Glass, Window
Sash, Blinds, Doors, Var
nishes and Brushes
of all kinds.
Call and !c Convinced.
Mr. PETER S. WILLIAMS, Jeweler and
former Partner of the firm, has been engaged
fcy the new busineaa firm, Charles S. Det
rick &. Co , to superintend the Clock, Watch
and Jewelry Business.
BKAIYCH STORE
IW
East Stroudsburg, Pa.,
For the convenience of the inhabitants of
East Stroudsburg and vicinity, the firm
have also opened a Branch Store near the
Depot, where everything in their line of
business, together with BOOTS & SHOES,
;NOTIONSr&c.t will at all times be found
in fUJ assortment, for inspection and pur
chase by customers. They have also on
inland a fine stock of
r , PURE WINES & LIQUORS,
,or the very bef .Irands, which they ofTer to
J.Iotel keepers and .others, at prices unusual
ly reasonable. Diqq i and see.
P. S. DETRICK. & S. DETRICK.
July 25, 1807.
BORDENTOWN FUMaIk COLLEGE,
BORDENTOWS, Jtf. J. An institu
tion lor the careful and thorough instruction
of Young Ladies in all the tranche of a
complete education. Board and tuition m
the Preparatory and Collegiate departmects,
1203 per year. Washing-, Ancient and
Modern Languages, and ornamental branch
es, extra. Winter Session opens Septem
ber 19th. For Catalogues, address
REV. JOHN H. BRAKELEV, A. M.
Aug. S-lm.j P&ESIDEXT.
BLANK ' DEEDS
For sale at this OfTie
LIST OF PRIZES
TO BE DRAWN AT THE
Grand Gift Distribution Enterprise
OF THE
AT
Stroudsburg, Friday, Oct 4th,. 1867.
$S60 in Greenbacks to be drawn.
One Gift, Greenbacks, .
" Parlor Stove, . . .
nrnn nn
SOUIF UU
41
it
Silver-Plated Castor,
Sett Carpenter's Tools,
H
Ladies Gold Watch,
100 00.
It
Melodeon, 150 00
Bbl. Wheat Flour.
18 00
Ten setts silver-plated Tea-spoons,
One sett Cottage Furniture, . .
Twenty Gifts, Greenbacks, $55
One sett Chairs,
" Bureau,
100 00
" Sett Ladies Furs, . . . . SOOOj
" Camp Chair, ...... 4 00 '
Five Breakfast Shawls, (??.$5, . 25 00
Ten fine Razors, -(3,81.50.. . . 15 00
Four Photograph Albums, S5,
One silver-plated harness, . .
Ten setts silver-plated Fork?, S8, 80 00
Three setts Table Knives, S4, 12 00
One Cutting Box, 10 00
One year's sub., Monroe Democrat, 2 00
Ten Gifts, Greenbacks, (,$10, . 100 00
One Gents Trunk 15 00
One Album (200 pictures), . . 15 00
One Sewing .Machine (W. & G.), 85 00
Ten Pantaloon Patterns, (SG, .
One Buffalo Robe,
One Box Segars,
Two Counting-House Holers, (th
81.50,
Three Paper Weights, (;$2, . .
Two Gents' Canes, Qt $b, . .
G0 00!
25 00 j
3
G
00
00
innnl
Two Balmoral Skirts, $5,
One Pr. Boots, made to order,
14
00
00
One Violin,
25
One year's sub., Jeffersonian, .
Six Pr. Ladies' ftid Gloves, 2,
One Coffee-Mill,
" Settee,
2 00
12 00
3
12
1
00
00
50
00
00
00
00
25
00
00
00
Kgg Beater,
Seven Shooter (myfriendV,
it
Cradle, 12
Five Pr. Gents Kidd Gloves, (3 82. 10
One Ladies'' Work-Box, . . .
Five Xapkin Rings, (aS1.25, .
One Pr. Hose Blankets, . . .
Six Dress Patterns, (SSG, . .
One vcar'ssub., Easton D. Express,
7
6
12
36
C
One Sett Ivory Tea Knives,
12 00
45 00
One Cook Stove, complete, Xo. 8,
Ten Gilt Vases, (a $2.50, . . . 25 00
Three Spice Boxes, 83, . . 9 00
One Plough, 20 00
One Suit Clothes, made to order, 50 00
One Ice Pitcher, 18 00
One Gift, Greenbacks,
40 00
30 00
35 00
15 00
1G 00
15 00
Three 'Plated Castors, ($10,
One Tea Sett
Five Coal Oil Lamps, (i$3 .
One Riding Bridle, . . .
One Large Looking-GIass,
Five Ladies' Porte-monnaies, 10 00
One History of the late ar,
Four pr. Ladies' Gaiters, (t.8G,
Three Meerschaum Pipes, ?310,
One Marble Top Table, . . .
Three 51b Bales Ljnchburg Tobac
co, 331 per lb, . . . . .
One Silk Hat,
10 00
24 00
30 00
40 00
15 00
7 00
GO 00
250 00
Six Gifts, Greenbacks, 810
Oue Buggy Wagon,
One Horse-Power Threshing Ma
chine, . . 200 00
One Silver Hunting Amr. Watch,
valued at 75 00
Three Gifts, 820 Greenbacks, . -GO 00
No. of Prizes, 205
No. of Tickets 5,000
Price of Tickets, .... One Dollar.
The Drawing will take place jn the
Fair-house building of the Monroe Coun
ty Agricultural Society, on FRIDAY
AFTERNOON, OCTOBER 4th, 18G7.
The drawing will be conducted by a Com
mittee chosen for that purpose by the
Ticket Holders. Persons holding tickets
and unable to attend the drawing can,
by notifying any one of the Committee,
have their prizes forwarded, free of charge.
All tickets valueless at the distribution
unless prepaid. No prize paid unless the
ticket be presented.
REFERENCES:
Brown & Keller, Dreher & Bro., Jas.
A. Pauli, Nicholas Ruster, Joseph Wal
lace, R. S. Staples, Wm. Hollinshead,
Herrmann, La Bar & Co., C. S. Detrick &
Co., Fred. Fable, II. S. Wagner, C. D.
Brodhead, R. F. & II. D. Bush, Phillips
& Walton, C. Waters & Son, Lewis Dos
ter's Sons, Barnes & Merritt, Florey &
Bro., Robt. Huston, J. II. McCarty, Je
rome B. Storm, Philip Miller & Son, J.
S. Williams &Co.,R. Miller, M. L. Drake,
Jdo. O. Saylor, Wallace & Gardner, Ack-
. x. pu,f iiM. V t
Baker, Jas. B. Morgan, Darius Dreher,
B. S. Mansfield. C. B. Keller. Dr. A. II.
Davis, Hon. S. C. Burnett, Hon. P. .Gil
bert, S. S. Dreher, Wm. Davis, S. Holmes,
jr., J. B. Storm, and D. S. Lee, Esqrs.,
Ktrrmrlahnrfr: M. B. Posten8. MOSCOW t
.v. -r
Hon. D. M. Van Auken, Dr. E. Halliday.iassonmeui oi
Pinchot & Detrick, L. F. Barnes, Esq., Coffees, Sugars Molasses, and Syrups
Milford. Pa.
Committee: Jno. N. Stokes, P. S
Williams, G. Sontheimer, A. 0. Janscn,
T. C. Brown. Jas. D. Stocksdale and II.!
8.
Waener.
JNO. N. STOKES, President.
A.C Jansen, ) gecretarics.
1. S. Williams, )
G, Sontheimer, Treasurer.
For all information address P. S. Wil
liams or A. C. Jansen, Stroudsburg, Fa.
July 11, 1867.
THE
UNION PACIFIC
RAIL ROAD CO.
THEIR FIUST MORTGAGE ROADS
As-an Investment
The rapid progress of the Union Pacific
Railroad, now building west from Omaha,
Nebraska, and forming, with its western
connections, an unbroken line across the
. . . .i i
l comment, auracia onemioii 10 wie vaiue ui
T7-:..-. r., n i ...u:u . i.
r rvn i xnoi igajjc uunua vviiii.ii iiiu uiii-
o?5!lPan7 now offer to the public. The first
-D "'question asked by prudent investors is, Are
100 00 these bonds secure!" Next. "Are they a
profitable investment!" To reply in brief:
1st. The early completion of the whole
'great line to the Pacific is as certcin as any
50 00 ; future business event can be. 1 he oovern
100 00 ment grant of over twenty million acres of
,an ana n y minion dollars in its own Don as
15 00 ' PraclIca "J guarantees it.
r nn'wor' la a'ready done, and
One-fourth of the
the tract contin
ues to be laid at the rate of two miles a day.
2nd. The Union Pacific Railroad bonds
are issued upon what promises to be one of
the most profitable lines of railroad fn the
country. For many years it must be the
20 00 'only line connecting the Atlantic and Pa
05 OO.cific: and being without competition, it can
maintain remunerative rates.
13 J. 425 miles of this road are finished,
and fully equipped with depois, locomotives,
cars, &c, ami two trains arc daily running
each wny. The materials fur the remaining
02 miles to the eastern base of the Rocky
Mountains are on hand, and it is under con
tract to be done in September.
4ih. The net earnings of the sections al-
ready finished are several times greater
than the gold interest upon the First Mort-
5 00jSaoe Ai'Jnds upon 6ucn sections, and it not
another mile or the road were built, the part
already completed would not only pay inte-
! rest and expenses, but be profitable to the
I f nmnn ntr
5lh ?he Union Pacific R'Hroad bonds
and therefore can nevei be in the market un
less they represent a bona fide property.
Cth. Their amount is strictly limited by
law to a sum equal to what is granted by
the U. S. Government, and for which it
takes a second lien as its security. This
amount upon the first 517 miles west from
Omaha is only SIC.OOO per mile.
7th. The fact that jhe U. S. Government
considers a second lien upon the road a good
investment, and that some of the shrewdest
railroad builders of the country havo already
paid in five million dollars upon the stock
(which is to them a third lien), may well
inspire confidence in a first lien.
8th. Although it is not claimed that there
can be any better securities than Govern
ments, there are parties who consider a fnat
mortgage upon such a property as this the
very best securily in the world, and who sell
their Governrnents to re-invest in these
bonds thus securing a greater interest.
9th. As the Union Pacific Railaond bonds
are offered for the present at 90 cents on the
dollar and accrued interest, they are the
cheapest security in the market, being more
tnan 15 per cent, less than U. S. Stocks.
10th. At the current rate of premium on
gold, they pay
OVER NINE TEIt CENT. INTEREST.
The dai'y subscriptions are already large,
and they will continue to be received in New
York by the
Continental National Bank, No. 7 Nassau
St.,
Clark, Dodge cj- Co., Bankers, No. 51 Wall
St.,
John J. Cisco Son, Bankers, No. 33 Wall
St.,
nd by BANKS and BANKERS generally
throughout the United States, of whom maps
and descriptive pamphlets may be obtained.
They will fclso be sent by mail from the Com
pany's Office, No. 20 Nassau Street, New
York, on application. Subscribers will se
lect their own Agents in whom they have
confidence, who alone will be responsible to
them for the safe delivery of the bonds.
JOHN J. CISCO, Treasurer,
IVKW YOKK.
June 13.-3m.
NEW GOODS
AT
fCrcaily Reduced Prices!
I WOULD RESPECTFULLY AN
nouncc to the public, that I have just
made large additions to my already exten
sive stock and am now selling
DRY GOODS.
ftROCEKIES,
&.C., &c, lower than ever.
My shelves are loaded with
MUSLINS,
CALICOS,
DE LANES, and
GINGHAMS,
of the most celebrated makes, my charges
i for which will prove astonishing to custo
mers. My stock of
Dress Goods
embracing nearly every variety of style,
color and fabric is well worth the attcn-
tof,ieI1I:ad,c3 K'"irnrc
CLOTHS aiidCASSIJIKRES,
both plain and fancy. 1 can offer induce
ments to gentlemen which they cannot
forgo without detriment to their linances.
My stock of .
SUA WL S, YA NKEE N O Tl ONS,
&.c , is also full, and is offered low. My
i . . .
is very complete, and as usual held at a
very low figure.
I have lots of goods the names of which
could hardly be compressed within the
limits oi an auvcruseaicnt, an oi wuicu
will be sold cheap.
Remember, the place to buy, with the
best assurance of getting your money's
worth is at
BRODIIEAD'S
Cheap Store in Stroudsburg.
March 14, 1867. ' ' "' '-
The Dnforgotten Record.
inc msiory oi tue case is a "uiac un
the future. For this reason, in all civ-
ilized countries it has been carefully re-
j .i l ,. . .
before the era of paper and printing, and
transmitted by tradition and song.
Let us for a moment glance at the his-
tnrv nf th Dflmnnrsitin nnrtir rl.irlnn- fhn
war. as thev themselves have written it.!1" the North a"d in the South, and
and see whether it is such as should com-
mend the organization to a loyal people , 6e,a.IS, ol Icuer,a' rower war aa"
to-day. We touch only a salient point or .'"V,1 'vc c.ouI(1 ,no control, we sustained
two in critical times, and such as have !he federal authorities in goodaith ask
never been disowned or apologized for. j1D" hli'A t their hands except a dc
In the early spring of 1SG1, when State cnt rcect for ou,r le-al r,Khtf. anJ pomc
after State was dropping from the ranks,. show cmmo" honesty ln the managc
and when treason was openly and defiant- mcnt of ou.r financial affairs ; bt in both
Iv threatening agression, it was moved ': t,,cse particulars we were disappointed
in the Legislature of Pennsylvania to arm
the State and place her in a condition to
defend her own honor and the property
and lives of her citizens, lhe Democra
ts lp.,5!!,tnr trntP.l "n" nn , n.r,v rnt j
This vote has never been repudiated; and
o- r-.., .w..
Heistcr Clymer, who led in the Senate,
was nominated for Governor in 1SG6 with :
this record upon him. The State wasj
armed, and did take care of herself and-
spring to the defence ot tho National
Government, but no thanks to the Demo- j
cracylorit.
June 18, 18G3, when Harper's
Ferry
was occupied by the rebel army ; when
Ewell's division held Hagerstown and
.Ttil-Inu' l!v??rn C. Yin m hrhi rrr Trlifn
an armed foe was on Pennsylvania soil ;
when bells were ringing at midnight and
loyal men were drilling, "left," left." in
deserted warehouses and halls a State
Democratic couveutien was held at liar
i-JcViiirrr t tti rirv l!mi nf tl
the very time of their ses-i
sions intrenchments were being thrown up " r ,T
on the west bank cf the Susquehanna, and , t,e3 P0S5lblc a,u;ivaftefr. n,ature car"est d,s
every, able bodied man was needed in the !cu",0 a"d deliberation, arc all unre
breastworks. What did the Democracy Plated Ihey have never yet been d.s
do ? Virtually they welcomed tha rebels ed' d?Dlcd or PScd for and they
with open hands to the soil of this Com-!11. Dot bc ?ow:. There is not a Demo
momwealth. Their platform, drafted and jcrat,c PPer ,u,tllli5 tatc that will to-day
adopted at such a thrilling hour to every ' knowledge these resolutions to have
patriotic or manly bosom (and adopted, i bffn wrong, dishonorable and treason
the contemporaneous reports tell us, amidiabIc' ,r, a.3 KJVIDS "aid and comfort to the
ol,fl.r, nn nr,r,l,nC Ponton, not nno I enemy in the hour of Tlanger. Ou the
hfiarlr. onerous word for the countrv. -
It abuses the Government and its meas
j , 0 j .
urcs in coarse and intemperate language,
speaks disparagingly of all that had been jinnies, irau.uou, .o,
done, and calls lor peace. Not a word esc shameful and shameless resolutions
wes said, not a deed was done, that mani-Te not bcen and 1wlll1noft he. recanted,
fested the slightest sympathy with our! are parts of the platform on which
national cause or our insulted or imperil-1 Judge Sharswood is presented to the peo
led Commonwealth. One resolution we! fle- They spring from the same political
subjoin as illustrative of the tempers aDd hC8J and the Mne diMoyal sympathies
feeling of the Pennsylvania Democracy j "hich proinptcd? the decision agamst the
when the "stars and bars" were floating constitutionality of the draft and of our
in the Cumberland Valley : ' legal tender notes They are all together
"That we hcartly thank : the lion-heart-j the effluence of Caihou.sm-pure, mod
ed Democracy of Ohio for the manly vin- .""'.J sectional, pro-slavery Democracy.
.!: .i. i : pA'.;( lhis is the unforgotteu record ot the
dication they have given to the Constitu
tion against the great crime committed
agHinst it in the arrest and deportation.of
Vallandigham.and we assure theuTof our
cordial sympathy in the great struggle
they are making for their undoubted
rights..". .
This was the convention which nomi
nated for Governor Judge Geo. W. Wood
ward, the friend and endorser of Judge
Sharswood to-day,' and, like him, a desei
ple of the Black and Calhoun school.
Such was Democracy in 1SG3.
In the month of August, 1SG4, the
Democracy held what purported to be a
national convention at Chicago. This
was in the very crisis of the war. Grant,
tho newly tried commander, was grap
pling with Lee in a deadly struggle in the
fatal wilderness before Richmond; Lin
coln was calling for five hundred thous
and men, Sherman had just moved for
ward in his desperate and hazardous
march on Atlanta ; all was doubt and un
certainty regarding him, and the rumors
were gloomy and painful. We only kuew
that the gallant McPhersou had fallen on
the skirmish line away off in the wilds of
Georgia. In Pennsylvania Curtin had
ust called for 30,000 additional State
militia, and the fires of Chambcrsburg
were yet smouldering. Surely if ever
there was a time when even cowards
should have been brave, then it was.
How responded the national Democracy ?
We arc tcmpfed to reprint the entire plat
form it is so cold, so heartless, so malig
nant. But wc must content ourselves
with a single plank :.
Resolved, That this convention does-explicitly
declare, as the sense of the Ameri
can people, that after Jour years of fail
ure to restore the Union by the experi
ment of war, during which, under the
pretence of military necessity or the pow
er, higher than the Constitution, the Con
stitution itself has been disregarded in
every part, and public liberty and private
right alike trodden down and the materi
al prosperity of tho country csseutially
impaired ; that justice, humanity, liberty
and the public welfare demand that itn -
mediate efforts be made for the cessation
ion
of hostilities, with a view to the ultimato
convention of all tho States or other pea
ceable means to the end that at the earli
est practicable moment peace may be re
stored on the basis of the Federal Union
of the States.
Deliberate, unblushingsurrender ! This
abject profession of cowardice and trea
son was the platform on which McClellan
was run.
Again, in 18G5, when victory had
crowned the arms of tho- natiou ; when
tho sufferings, and trials, and doubt of
the pet were swallowed up in the glory
and happiness of triumph, tho Democracy
held another convention. Hero was an
opportunity to at least in part utone for
past errors by thankfully accepting the
issue of the war. But did
Listen to their deliberate
! they do it ?
voice in convention assembled :
Resolved. That if the counsels of the
, Ucmocratic rartv had prevailed, the Imi-
? ulJ Ilave, bccn preserved in all its
j integrity and honor, without the slautft-
i teC dcu' a"tl ?iffracc of a cicd tear; but
! when the formation of SCCtlOnal partlCS
thc
'advent of one of those parties into the
It was "peace, peace," during the days
of war, and wheu war was over, in a sav
ed nation and a freed race they could sec
only "debt, slaughter, and d isgrace."-
; "VUiS "U,U3
,. ,. ,, . 1 ,
In I860
a .Democratic convention as-
semblcd
in Pennsylvania, to nomiate a
candidate for Governor. The national
skies were bright, aud there was not
much mischief for Democrats to do or
"ish, but what th cou.d they did Lead
...""...:
"That the bold cuunciation of tho prin
ciples of the Constitution and the policy
of restoration contained in the receut an
nual message and Frecdmcn's Bureau ve-
:0. wessage of I resident Johnson, entitle
:hm t0 ,hc confidence and support of a.l
1 h? rcsPect Constitution and love
, l"r cuu"l
Out of their own mouths we judge
l.i n'l. r . e
."CU1: , j ,c,r raia rro.i-.wuu u. fu
Willi Ull
i contrary the leaders of the party con
tinually ring changes on the "landmarks,1
"the time-honored customs," the "ancient
.--.: it .1. . iti a. i?.: vr
Democratic party.
Read it, voters of
1 ennsylvania and ponder
i sensibility this fall, th
poncer upon your re-
ink on it and
weep over it, fathers and brothers of the
men who sleep at Gettysburg a.nd Chick
amauga. Every word iu these false-hearted
rcsolutiaus has filled Union soldiers'
graves. If to-day the colors of the Union
float from sea to sea ; if to-day the nation
stands saved, regenerated, and abreast in
the column of civilization with Russia
and Brazil; if to day the sword is turn
ed into tho ploughshare, and the smiling
harvests of peace aud plently are smooth
ing out from the face of the land the fur
rows of war; if to-day Pennsylvania, our
glorious Commonwealth is the keystone of
a united country, it is in spite of and in
the teeth of the labors and efforts of the
Democratic party. Their history has not
been the history of our country. Their
record has not bcen the record of the
country.
On this record we make no comment.
We leave it to the people who have car
ried the nation through the great strug
gle, only reminding any careless or un
thinking voter that every vote cast for
Sharswood is a tacit endorsement of those
black resolutions, and an implied reflec
tion on the now silent armies of the Re
public, who died that we might live.
The I'rcss.
Dead Broke.
BY THE " FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
We found a man seated on a curb stone,
near the. post office, last night, muttering
to himself apparently, as there was no
one else to mutter to. We felt constrain
ed to ask him "what he was doing th$rc?
" Hain't doiu' uothin'," ws the reply.
" Where do you beloog?"
" Don't belong nowhere, and nowhere
don't belong to me."
"Who aro you ?"
"I'm Broke."
"Well, suppose you aro broke, you've
jgot a name, haven t you 7
What is it?"
"I tell ye 1 m Jiroke that
s my name,
aud that s my natur . My father was
Broke before me. If he hadu't been, I
wouldn't be broke now at least, not so
bid. My mother was at Pojselcy, but
she wanted a husband, and she got Broke
that's my dad and Broke got me.
I've been Broke ever since."
For a few moments tho unhappy D.
Broko buried his face in his bauds, aud
seemed lost iu the most doleful reflections.
Then, raising his head, he exclaimed bit
terly :
"I wish I had bcen born a colt !"
"Why do you wish you had been born
a colt ?" .
"Because a colt ain't Irole until he is
tv or three years old. I was broko the
inoaieut I saw the liht, aud I uever got
Providential
over it. It is hard to be broke so young."
''How did your parents come to call
you "Dead Broke V
"Well, yc see, as soon as T was born'
something seemed to tell me that I had
got to be Broke all my life, unless I could
get my name changed by act of Lcisla-"
tare, and that, you know, would bc an im-"
possibility."
"How an impossibility?"
"A re you such a blockhead as to sup-"
pose that a man can get anything through
the Legislature when he is broke "
"You are right. Go on."
"When the conviction forced itself ortr
my infant brain, confused as it was by re
cent experiences, that I must be Broke'
nil my life, I felt that there was nothing
left to live for, and lost all consciousness'
at once. (I have found only part of it:
since.)
"He is dead I" cried my mother wring
ing her hands.
"Ves," groaned my father, "dead bt'olV
"I revived, alas, but Dead Broke be
came my Dame, and I have been dead
broke ever since.
"My name has been fatal tome alf
thro' life. The smallest boy in sehool al
ways broke ir. e in playing marbles. I
broke more windows thau any other boy
in base ball. 1 always broke down at re
citation?, and, had my head broke every
day by the school master. When I left
school I went to clerk it for a broker.
One day there was a heavy deficit in the
accounts. I was afraid he might think,
that I had something to do with it so I
I broke. They caught me though,,
and put me in jail, Bat I broke out."
"Out of jail ?"
'No d n it, broke out icilh the
small ox !''
"What did you do next
"After the court had disposed of my
case, I was allowed to go into the broker
age besiuess again."
"How was that ?"
l broke stone in the penitentiary, dogf
on it I After I got out I broke every
thing. I broke my promise, broke the
Sabbath, aud broke the pledge." .
"Were you ever married."
"Yes (sighing deeply), matrimony
broke me up worse than anything else.
My wife w as a regular ripper. She broke
up my furniture and the dishes, nearly
broke my back with a fiat iron, and finaU
ly broke my heart."
"By running away ?"
"No; indeed, by sticking to me."
"You have had a hard time of it."
"Ail owing to my uame. But bad as I
dislike it, it's miue; I came by it hon
estly. You would't think anybody else
would -want to be in my place, would ye?"
but there are thousands of impostc:3 all
over the country, trying to pass them
selves off for me."
"Iu what way ?"
"When they tell their creditors they
are "Dead Broke."
There was another pause, during whicfi
the unhappy possessor of an unfortunate
name could bc heard to sob. At length
he broke out
"It will be a simple and fitting inscrip
tion for mv tombstone, though."
"What?"
"Dead Broke."
The Latest from the song Writers",-
BY THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR."
The man who "Dwelt in Marble Halls"
has opened a marble quarry there, and is
doing a thriving business in getting out
grave stones.
The author of "Carry me back to old
Virginia" has opened a livery stable and
Is carried back in his own conveyance,
whenever he wauts to be.
The roan who sang, "I am Lonely since
my Mother died" is'nt quite so lonely
now. The old man married again, aui
his step-mother makes it lively cuougb.
for him.
The author of "Life on the Ocean.
Wave" is gratifying his taste for the sea
by tending a saw mill. He must be oa
the water. "
The one who -gave "The Old Folks at
Home" to tho world has receutly taken
them to the poor house, as they were get
iug troublesome.
The author of "Shells of Ocean," is ia
the clam business. '
The man who wanted to "Kis? him for
his mother" attempted to kiss his mother
for him the other day, and him gave him.
a wolloping "for his mother."
Tho man who wailed so plaintively,
"Do they miss me at home V was missed
the other day, together with a neighbor's
wife, llo is also missed by a wife and
seven children.
The author of the "Three blind mice"
has started a meuageric with them.
The mau who wrote "Five o'clock in
the morning," found that no saloons wcro
open at that early hour where he could
get his bitters, so ho lies abed rather lat&
uow.
. "Give me a cot in the valley I love"
has got a cot in tho iufirmary.
The man who sighed, "Take me homo
to die," took Dr. Kerr's System Renova
tor, and is now a "Fiuo ould Irish Gin
tleinan." "Meet mo by moonlight alono" has
left of! meat, and taken to drink.
"The auther of "Boll on, silver moou"
has opened ball alley. Silver moou can't
roll on his alley without paying lb?' iV
The disconsolate one who sing, "Havo
you seeu my Maggie ?" has hoard of her.
Another feller iu forms him, through tht
music store, that "Maggie's by my sile.'
'j'