FERSONIAN.
JDuotcir to politics, jitcmturt agriculture, Srintcc, iftoraliti), ani mcml 2xttllxtxut.
VOL. 24.
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA JUNE n, 1865.
NO. Hi
THE
JEF
Published by Theodore Schoch.
TERt3-Two dollars a year in advance-and if no
Baid before the end of the yesu, lo dollars and fitfy
bt. will be charged. ... ..
No paper discontinued until all arrcinagcs arc paid,
Editor.
tOVWvertiscineiits of oas of .(eight lines) or
less, one or ihmc insertions $1 50. Eai-h additional
insertion, 50 cents. Longer ones in prpportion.
JOB PRINTING,
OF ALL KINDS,
Qxecalvd in tlie highest style of the Art, and on the
most rcason ibie terms.
The following poem from the London
ranch is really the best that has been pub
lished on the saddest subject, yet the great
est character in our history. Its rebuke of
the hypocrisy of his traduccri, who were so
loud-in expressions of grief, is overwhelming.
AEEAHAM LINCOLN.
FOULLY ASSASSINATED, APRIL 14, 1865. '
You lay a wreath on murdered Lincoln's bier,
You who with mocking pencil wont to
trace,
Broad for the self-complacent British sneer, '
Hi length of Ehambling limb, his lurrow
cd face.
His gaunt gnarled hands, his unkempt bris- ,
tlm Ma,r
His garb uncouth, his bearing ill at ease,
His lack of all we prize as debonair.
Of power or will to shine, of art to please,
, , . ,
You, whose smart pen backed up the pen-
cilsiaugi,
Judging each step as though the way
were plain.
Reckless, so it could point its paragraph
Of chiefs perplexity or people's pain.
Beside this corpse, that bears for winding- j
r
E,,ect !
The stars and stripes lie uvea to rear j
anew,
Between thc mourners at his head and feet,
Say, scurril jester, is there room for you 1
. j
Yes, he had lived to shame me from my sneer,
To lame my pencil, and confute my pen ;
To make me own this kind of princes' peer, j
Thc rail-splitter a true-born kingof men.
, . , .tiii
Mj -hallow judgment I had learn to rue,
Noting how to occasion s height he rose, ,
How his quaiirt wit made home-truth seem .
more true, 1
How, iron-like, his temper grew by blows. '
How humble, yet how hopeful he could be ;
How in good fortune and in ill the same;
Nor bitter in success, nor boastful he,
Thirsty for gold, nor feverish for fame.
He went about his work such work as few ,
Ever had laid on head, and heart and
hand I
As one who knows where there's a task to do;
Man's honest will must Heaven's good
grace command.
Who trusts the strength will with the burden,
grow, :
Thnt God makes instruments to work his
will, i
If but that will we can arrive to know, i
Nor tamper with thc weights of good and ;
ill.
So he went forth to battle, on the side
That lie felt clear was Liberty's and
Right's,
As in his peasant boyhood he had plied
His warfare with rude Nature's thwarting
mights
The uncleared forest, the unbroken soil,.
The iron bark that turns the lumberer's
axe,
Thc rapid, that o'crbears thc boatman's toil,
The prairie hiding the mazed wanderer's
tracks.
The ambushed Indian, and the prowling bear,
Such were the needs that helped his youth
to In in,
Rough culture but such trees large fruit
may bear,
If but their slocks be of right girth and
grain.
Bo he grew up, a destined work to do,
And lived to do it; four long-suffering '
.
Ill-fate, ill-feeling, ill-report, lived through j
And then he heard the hisses change to ;
cheers.
The taunts to tribute, the abuse to praise,
And took both with the same unwavering ,
mood ;
Till, as he came on light, from darkling days,
And seemed to touch the goal from where
he stood.
A felon had, between the goal and him,
Reached from behind his back, a trigger
prest .
And those perplexed and patient eyes were
dim,
Those gaunt, long-laboring limbs were
laid to rest !
The words of mercy were upon his lips,
Forgiveness in his heart and on his pen,
When ibis vile murderer brought swift
eclipse
To thoughts of peace on earth, good will
to men.
The Old World and the New, from sea to sea,
Utter one voice of sympathy and shame !
Sore heart, so stopped when it last beat high;
Sad life, cut short just as its triumphs came.
A deed accurst ! Strokes have been struck
before
By the assassin's hand, whereof men doubt
If more of horror or disgrace they bore
But thy . -foul .crime, like Caius. stands
darkly out
Jeff Davis and ;Kobt Lee.
J eff. Davis and Leo thought they could see
In llichnioud such a matter
Of forts aud ditch, that gainst the which,
The Yanks in vain might batter.
But General Grant, who knows no' "cant,"
So banged the rebel anvil,
That Lee broke down, and Jeff, left town
And ran away to Danvilie.
Brave as a bear, he promised there,
In royal proclamations,
lie yet would win and stand within
The family of nations.
Alas ! Alack ! Within a crack
(Ye stars and garters save us 1)
The man was spied standing insido
The skirts of Mrs. Davis 1
On an evening preceding Thanks giv
ing many years ago, two students left the
college, with the most foul intent of pro-
curing some of the Doctor's fine chickens,
that roosted on a tree adjoining the house.
"When they arrived at the spot, one as-
CCndinir the (rcfi. whiln thn nf.linrsf.nnri
with abag re;ldy to .rcceIvc the plunder.
It so happened that the Doctor himself
j had just iel't thc house w;th the v5ew of
j securiug thc same chickens for his Thanks-
j giving dinner. The rogue undor thc tree
hearing some ' one approaching, imnidia-
; tc,y crepfc awaVj without uotifying his
'companion amoug the branches. The
Doctor came up silently, and was imme-
, .i:atier S!1lnrftd rrmn nlinvn n fnlln-.v .
"Are you ready V
"Yes," responded the Doctor, disembl-
"s f. & as possible.
1 he other immediate! laying his bands
on thc old rooster, exclaimed :
ncres old Prex, will you have him?1
"Pass him along," was thc reply, and
he was soon in the Doctor's bag.
"Here's inarm Prex," said the all un-
conscious student, grabbing a fine old
heu Uwin yQU mVQ lcr ?
yeS agaiirresponded the Doctor.
"Here's son Jehu, will you havc.him?"
"Here's daughter Sal, take her?" aud
so on until he had gone regularly though
the
The olJ man walked off iu onc direc
t;oa WI tlx the plutider, while" thc student,
weU satisfied with his night's work, came
d(nvil aud streaked it for the college.
Great was his astonishment to learn from
. his companion that he had not got any
, chickens, and if ho gave them to any
Kjiii it. iu uju huu uguu iu jui. uti. j -im
pulsions, fines, and disgrace
was upper
most in their thoughts until thenext
forenoon, when both received a polite
invitation from their President, request
ing the presence or their company to a
Thanksgiving dinner. To decline was
j impossible, so with hearts full of anxiety
for thc result, they wended their way to
the house, where ihe' were pleasantly re-
ceived by the old gentleman, and with
a large party soon around the festive
board. After asking a blessing, the Doc- j
tor arose from his seat, aud taking the j
carving knife turned with a smile to the j
rogues
and said : "Young gentlemen,
here's old Prex, and marin Prex, son
1 John, & daughter Sal," at thc same time
touching the respective chickens ; "to
which will you be helped ?" The morti
cation of the students may be imagined.
A Rough Bedfellow.
A man in Arkansas, who had been
drinking till late at night, started for
home in a state of sweet obliviousness.
Upon reaching his own premiscshe was
too far gone to discover any door tp the
domicile he was wont to inhabit, and there- j
fore laid himself down in a shed which
was a favorite rendezvous for the hogs.
They happened to be out when the new i
comer arrived. The weather being ra
ther cold, they, in thc utmost kindness,
and with truest hospitality, gave their
biped companion the middle of the bed,
some lying on either side of him, and
nflifvc nofinrr f nn nnrf. nf niiilt. Tlifiir
warmth prevented him from being in-
i Q (j exposure. Towards morning
he awoke. Finding himself comfortable,
jQ blissful ignorance of his whereabouts,
jie supposed himself enjoying the accom-
rnadation of a tavern,
in company with
others gentlemen. He reached out his
li-ind rind nfifnliino- bnld of the stiff bris-
Jf & ho JxclaimedHail0j my
good friend, you've got a d 1 of a
beard I When did you shave last ?"
Bugs. Housekeepers who arc not desi
rous of being carried out of the world by
bugs, will be glad to learn that they can
not stand .hot alum water. Take two
pounds of aium ; bruise it, and reduce it
to powder ; dissolve it in three quarts of
water ; let it remain iu a warm place till
the alum is dissolved. The alum water
is to be applied by means of a brush to
every joint and crevice in the floor.
Whitewash the ceiling, putting in plenty
of alum, and there will be an end to their
t T il -
dropping lueucc.
Interchangeable terms Petroleum for
the itch aud the itch for petroleum.
Sniev Soldiers. Hot, fiery fellows
are our soldiers peppered while in the
service, and mustured out ot it.
, -
ww ;c vim rilfferenoe between a
I f UUV AU V V
ilriimtnpr.linv nnil fl TlOUfld of meat I
Aus One weighs a pound, and the oth
er pounds away.
INCIDENT IN NAPOLEAN'S AKMY.
Anthony Martel was a brave young
soldier as ever bore arms on a battle field,
ne was a general favorite iu his regiment.
He loved his country, aud a maiden, Cad
eline, who was considered the prettiest in
Vissellc, and many were the hearts that
.beat with love and joy when the fair Cad
eliue turned her beautiful eyes upon them,
and returned their salutations with a win
ning smile.. There was not a brave sol
dier in the whole regiment, but would
have been proud to shed his last drop of
Diood to resent an insult to the bright
star of Vissellc. Many were they who
worshipped at her shrine, but there was
only one who received any return to their
passion, and he was the gallant Anthony
iuartel.
The Colonel of thc regiment to which
he belonged, was a man of violent, inso
lent passion and overbearing in the ex
treme to his subordinates j and was as u
niversally hated as Martel was loved.
On several occasions he had made in
famous proposals to Cadelinc which -she
had resented with scorn, but still ho be
came importunate until finding himself
named m all his endeavors, he determined
to adopt a new procedure, hoping to be
more successful in his designs. Accord
ingly, he called on Cadaline when she
was alone, and made an apology for his
former . rudeness, aud asked forgiveness,
which she readily granted, presuming
that he would not trouble her any fur
ther, but in this she was disappointed, for
he immediately made new overtures of
love to her, promising if she would listen
to his suit he would load her with pres
ents, and also make-her" his bride. But
all the flattering inducements had no ef
fect upon her, for she was true to her first
love.
"Consider, Cadeline, my rank and sta
tion, and then your position would be
higher than thc proudest lady in the village
besides, you shall have the attendants and
all the luxury and refinement that wealth
can furnish.
"Ah, Colonel Livillier,
these gifts be without thc
what would
heart ?" said
Cadeline.
"You would soon learn to love me,"
said the Colonel.
"No, Colonel, I never loved but one."
"Then why not love nie?"
Because 1 already love auothcr."
"Indeed, my fair charmer," said the
Colonel ironically, "may I be permitted
to ask the name of the gallant?"
"Anthony Martel," was the innocent
reply.
"What a common soldier a hireling
for a rival ! By Heavens !" he exclaimed
in a terrible passion, "unless you instant
ly accept my suit and reject the beggarly
churl, I will have him shot like a dog for
his audacious presumption, and I will
give you but a moment to decide his fate."
"Oh, sir !" exclaimed Cadeline, "he is
guilty of no crime, and has never injured
you."
Has he not dared to supplant a Colonel
in the French army, and he is only a sol
dier V
"Nay, Col. I loved him ere I saw you.
He is generous, noble, and would injure
no one."
"Do not lose time in idle words ; con
scut to be mine, or ere the morning sun
has risen, his heart shall cease to "beat !"
"Oh heavens, spare him !" said Cade
hue, iu anguish.
"You plead iu vain."
"Give me but a single day to decide."
"Not an hour."
At this moment a majestic form oast
its shadow in the outer doorway, but it
was observed by neither of the persons
within the room, so absorbed were they
in their own affairs. Stepping aside so
so as to be unsecn; thc stranger remained
a spectator to all
"1 implore you to let me speak to An
thony before I give you any answer."
"Not a word to him : therefore instant
ly consent to become my wife or sign tho
death warrant of Martel."
"Inhuman monster ! I would rather
die a thousand deaths than to be your
wife even if you were thc proud Empe
ror of France. Anthony fears no death,
and he would rather give away" his life
than have me prove false to him.
"Mad girl I you are in my power and 1
will use you as I please, since you havo
go insultingly spoke."
"Never !"
"Dare you defy me to my face ? Thus
ten, let me prove my words by snatching
a breath of sweet fragrance off your scorn
ful lips."
Aud clasping his arms around thc iorm
of Cadeline, Levillicr endeavored to put
his threat into execution.
"Help, mercy I" exclaimed she.
At this moment thc report of a pistol
in the hands of thc stranger we have a
bove mentioned, was heard, aud thc bul
let shattered the arm of the aggressor,
renderiug him powerless, B.ut whence
thcr shot came, both were unable to tellr
for no sooner was the weapon discharged,
than thc deliverer disappeared, and An
thony Martel rushed into the room by
another door. Observing the wild ap
pearance of Cadeline breaking from the
arms of the Colonel, in an instant he di
vined thc whole, and with a powerful
blow he laid the intruder at his feet.
By this, time the report of the firearms
had brought a detatchment of soldiers to
the spot, who, on entering the room were
immediately ordered to arrest Anthony,
for attempting to murder his superior of
ficer. In vain Cadeline protested his in-
they put him under
strong
On thc followin
morning an
unusual
activity among the officers told that some-
thing of more than ordinary importance
was to take place, as each one hastened to
thc quarters of the commandant, though
a court martial is no very unusual thing,
yet it is sufficiently rare to attract atten
tion in camp.
Soon the quick roll of the drum told
that the court had convened and was ready
to try a criminal. Within a spacious
tent,-was gathered a large number of of
ficers in full uniform.
Seated on a raised platform was Gener
al Lovick, acting as judge. Another roll j
of the drum announced the entrance of
the prisoner.
"Of what is this man charged ?" asked
the judge.
"Of attempting to destroy tho life of
his superior officer, Col. Lavillier," said
the advocate.
"And where is tho accuser?" continued
thc court.
"Here, may it please your excellency,"
replied the Colonel,.whose arm was done
up in a sling.
"How camo Martel to attempt your
life ?"
"I know not," said Lavillier.
""What provoked the insult ?"
"A conversation with a young girl with
whom the prisoner is acquainted."
"Is that all ?"
It is, your excellency."
After a short consultation with the oth
er officers, the Judge turned to the pris
oner and thus addressed linn :
"Authony Martel, you have been found
guilty of an attempt to murder a superior
officer of the French Army, the punish
ment of which is death. What have you
to say that you should not suffer the ex
treme penalty of the law which you have
offended."
Martel, who stood as though uncon
scious till now, raised his manly form; he
bent his eyes scarchingly upon thc Col
onel, and said in a firm voice :
"Your excellency, I am aware that any
vindication which I make, will be of no
avail, but being permitted, I will speak
thc truth, that my fellow soldiers may
aw f
know that I die innocent of the charge
brought against me. I did not fire upon
Colonel Lavillier, and had no weapon
when arrested. At the moment I enter
ed the dwelling of Cadeline, I found her
struggling in his arms. I stopped not to
inquire his rank, but, struck him with my
doubled fist to thc floor. This is all I
have done, and had it been the Emperor
himself in his place, I would have done
likewise. For the duty of a true soldier
is to protect the innocent and defenceless.
am willing to die but my death shall
not be unavenged, for the grass will not
have covered my grave before my com-
rades shall have fouud the heart of my
murderer, for there is not one who will
shrink when the hour comes. I am rea
dy pass your sentence.
"Martel, your language docs not be-
ill rt
come a man who is on tne tnrcsuoiu ot
eternity."
"Truth becomes a man at all times,
replied Anthony.
Colonel Lavillier, during the time the
prisoner was speaking, seemed greatly
excited, and turned pale ; he knew that
Martel was a great favorite in thc regi
ment, and he feared his own life was in
danger.
"Authony Martel," said the Judge,
"the sentence of the court is, that you be
shot by twelve of your comrades."
Again the roll of the drum told that
thc ease had been decided, and they were
about to conduct thc prisoner to his quar
ters, when a young girl rushed past the
guard into thc tent, and prostrating her
self at tho feet of the presiding officer,
exclaimed :
"He is innocent ! spare him ! he did
shoot Colonel Lavillier."
As thc tears flowed down her beautiful
face every heart was touched with pity
save one. He stood unmoved by. suppli
cations. Thc Judge informed her that it
was impossible for him to alter the sen
tence of thc court, that the only hope
was left her was in Col. Lavillier, who
was thc injured party, who had power to
ask for hia pardon or recommend him to
mercy.
In vain Cadeline pleaded with himj he
was inexorable, and she was borne sense
less from his tent.
On the following morning a little be
fore sunrise, some soldiers wero busily
engaged in placing red flags at short in-
tervals on a beautiful plain not far from
the camp. No sooner had this been ac
complished thau tho muffled drum and
band playing the dead march was heard.
A company of soldiers drew near, accom
panied by a largo number officers, who
came to witness the punishment of death.
Anthony Martel was walking with a firm
step to meet his" doom 1 Arriviug at tho
spot designated for him to die, ho was
calm and unmoved at the approaching
crisis. Twelve of his fellow soldiers were
brought into line. Every movement
showed their unwillingness to perform
the odious (luty which had been assigned
to them.
All being arranged, the commandant
nocence
guard.
walked up to Martel, and taking him by Camp, and hastily returning she was in young lady out riding, while ho (Shcrt
thc hand he shook it warmly, Biddiug his embrace. That day was a glorious dan) furnished the horses. The modesty
him farewell he -rJlVe him permission to one to tho regiment, and there was a little Captain could often be secri look
address his companion in arms. I grand celebration in honor of Field Mar- ' ing with pleasure on' this arrangement. -This
mark oi kindness moved the con-ishal Macdonald aud Col. Martel. j Courting by proxy seemed to pleaso him!
demned man and a tear started to bis-l In the course of a few weeks after this as much as if it had been done by hinw
eye but luckily re-mining his composure 'event the church at Vissellc overflowed self. What the result wa3 wo never
he addrecd thosewho were to lay him ' with thoso who assomblcd to witness tho learnt. We think it most probable Eddy,
low in death nuptials of Martel and his lovely bride carried of the prizo,"
"Comrades, I have come here to die
like a man and a soldier: I am guilty of
ill,. t 1 i
no crime : a nave never aisnonored my
country or regiment; I have fought by
I your side in the thickest of battle, when
'the guns of the enemy poured hot lead
into our ranks, and swept oUf brave coun
trymen like chaff before the whirlwind.
But you can all affirm that I did not quail
or falter when the grim monster stared i
me in the face. And should I tremble
now when I am to die by the hands of
my beloved comrades ? No. I consider
it an honor, and the last sound that will
ever greet my ears will be the glorious
dying music of your own true guns when
I fall. I know vou will not snffor mv
ml V
ashes to go unavenged. Let not your
hand tremble, but with a firm steady
hand, level your pieces to my breast, when
I give the word fire, for I would have the
mark of every man, if you love me.
Comrades, farewell ! and may we meet
where the warrior rests from his battles
andjhis victories."
Tho soldiers brought their pieces to
their shoulders, but stopped as thc fran
tic Cadeline rushed into thc arms of her
lover.
"Oh, Anthony! you must not -die.
Col. Lavillier will have mercy, he can
not be so cruel as to murder you."
"Cadeline, there is no hope, I am pre
pared to die, but this meeting unnerves
me. I could have wished jtou had been
spared this scene, but calm yourself and
do not weep, when I am gone. You will
not want for defenders, for my regiment
will go hard with him who dares to insult
Cadeline, be his rank what it may."
"Commandant," said Col. Lavillier in
an impatient tone, "it is past the timo or
dered for the execution j separate them
and perform your duty."
V ith difficulty Cadeline was torn from
the embrace of Martel, aud conveyed a
distance from the foot.
Thc word ready was given, and quick
ly followed by the second command pre
sent arms, and the third and last fatal
word fire was on the lipa of the cammau
dant, when a stern voice from a person
who stood a short distance apart, closely
muffled up, gave the command to recover
arms.
So suddenly was the order, that every
eye was turned to thc person who had
thus dared unceremoniously to counter
mand an order on so important an occas
ion. "Order that man under arrest," said
Col. Lavillier.
As the person approached rapidly to
where he stood, throwing thc cloack from
his face, the astonished officer beheld in
him Field Marshal Macdonald.
"Will Col. Lavillier inform me for what
crime thc culprit suffers ?"
"For an attempt on my life with a pis
tol," was the answer.
"Are you sure he is tho guilty one ?"
"Yes."
"Will you not pardon him V
"It has been decided by a court mar
tial that he shall die."
"Still you have thc same power to par
don him."
"I decline all interference in the course
of justice," said he.
I do not, said Macdonald, "therefore
I stop the execution. Anthony Martel
is not guilty."
"May I ask your excellency who is :
said Lavillier, with an uneasy air.
"I am, said Macdonald.
"Will you please to explain to me this
mystery V
"I will. Having business ot import
ance with you on the evening pf the as
sault, I called at your head quarters, and
found you not. On inquiry 1 learned
the direction you had taken, and followed
in pursuit. Finding that you had enter
ed Cadeline's cottage, I arrived just in
time to be an unobserved witness of your
villainy, and the ball which only shater
ed your arm, was fired by me', and had it
not been for endangering the life of the
girl, it would havo reached your heart.
Coloned Martel, I greet you in behalt ot
the Emperor, to whom I have related
your case, and who has been pleased to
confer this honor and title upon you.
Col. Lavillier your sword ; henceforth
you are no longer an officefr in the grand
army, and now take Martel's place and
receive the guns that a moment ago were
aimed at the breast of an innocent matt?"
Every heart beat with joy at the sud
den change. Poor Lavillier trembling
with fear and shame, was lead to thc red
fiag. Again the fearful orders were giv
en bui the heart of thc culprit sank with
in him, and he implored for mercy
"How can you ask for that which but
a few moments sinco you refused an in
nocent man ?"
"I own my fault," was the reply.
"Then I refer you to Col. Martel, who
has full power to pardon you or not, as
he thinks proper," said Macdonald.
"Col. Martel," said tho'disgraccd man,
"dare I hope for mercy ?"
"I grant you a full and unconditional
pardon. You arc at liberty, was
" " ... .
You are at liberty," was tne
willing reply of Martel, "and do not for-
get to show mercy that you may receive together too modest to venture on such a
the same." (step. Finally he hit upon an expedient.-
By this timo Cadelino heard tho glad; He had a gay young clork Eddy, in his
tidings which spread rcpidly through the office, whom he induced to take tho
Cadeline Dupee. And many were the
presents and keopsakes the happy pair re
ceived from the regiment, who loved
their brave and generous commander.
Josh Billings on Courting,
Courting is a luxury. It is ise waten
It is the pla spell ov the sole. The man
who haz never courted haz lived in vanej
lie haz beeni a blind man amung land-
auapus ana waterscapes ; he nas Din a
deff man in the land of hand organs, and
bi the side ov murmuring canals.
Courting iz like 2 little springs or wai
ter that start out frum under a rock at the
foot ov a mountain, arid runs down hill
side by side, singing and dancing and
spattering esch uther, eddying and forth-
ing and kaskading, now hiding under
the bank ; now full ov shadder, till bime'
by tha jine, then tha go slow. I am in
favor ov long courting ; it gives the par
tics a chance to find out each other's
trump kards, it iz good exerisa, and &
just as mnersent as 2 -rn'rino lambs.
Courting iz like strawberries and creata
wants to be did slow, then you git the
flavor. I have saw folks git acauaintcd.
fall in Iuv, git married, settle down, and
git tew work in three weeks frum date.
This iz jist the way sum folks learn a
trade akounts for the grate number ov
almitey mean mechanicks we havand
poor jobs tha turn out.
Perhaps it iz best if I shud state sum
good advise to young men who are about
to court and with a final view to matri
mony, az it was.
In the fust plasc, yung man, yu. want
to git youre system awl rite, and then
find a yung woman who is willing tew
be courted on thc square. The next
thing iz tew find out how old she iz,
which you can dew bi askin her, and she
will sa that she iz 16 years old, and this
you will find won't be far frum out ov
the wa.
The next best thing iz to begin mod- -eratc
: sa onse every nite in the week
for thc fust six mouths, increasing tho
dose as the patient seems to require.
It iz a fust rate wa tew court the girl's
mother a leetle on the start, fur there iz
one thing a woman never despises, and
that is a leetle good courting, if it iz dun
on the square. After the fust year you
will begin to be well acquainted and will
like the bizzines.
There iz 1 thing I alwas advize, and
that iz, not swop fotografs oftener than
once in ten days, unless you forget how
the gal looks.
Okasionally yu want tew look sorry
and draw in yUre wind as it you had pain y
this will set the gal tu teezing yu tew"
find out what ails yu.
Evening mcctins arc a good thing tew
tend. It will keep yure religion in tune;
and then if yure gal happens tew beo
thare bi acksident, she kau ask you tevf
go home with her.
As a ginerat thing I wouldn't brag on
uther.gals much when I was eourtin. It
mite look as tho yu knu tew much.
If yu will court three years in this5
way, awl the time on thc square, if yu
don't sa it iz a leetle the slickest time id
yure life, yu kan git measured for a hat
at my expense, and pay for it.
Don t court for muney, nur booty, nur"
relashuns ! these things are jist about as
the kerosene ilo refiining bizzines, liable
tew git tout of repair and bust at enney
minnit. Court a gal fur fun, fur the luy .
you bear her, fur the virtue and bizzines
thare iz in her ; court her fur a wife or'
mother ; court her az yu would court a
farm fur the strength of the sile, and the
strength of the ile, and perfeckshun ov
the title : court her as tho she want a fulo
and you a nuthcr : court her in the
kitchen and in the parlor, over the wasti
tub and at the pianner : court this wa
yung man, and if yu don't git a wife the
fault won t be in the courtm.
Yung man, yn kan rely on Josh Bil--lings,
arid if yu kant make these rules'
work, jist send fur him, and he will sho
yu how the thing i& did it shan't kosfc
yu a cent.
Sheridan's Modesty.
It appears that Phil. Sheridan, who m
n lion in battle, is the most timid of men
among tho ladies. A writer in Hours afc
Home gives some reminiscences of Sherl
dan as Quartermaster of the Army of
the Southwesty operating under Gen.
Curtis in' Missouri and 'Arkansas, at tho
beginning of tho war, and among othor
things tells the following:
"Sheridan's modesty amounted to
bashfulness, especially in the presence
of the gentler sex. His life having been
passed on the frontier, among Indians or
at some solitary post, it was riot ai all
surprising that our Quartermaster should '
hesitate when urged to go whero ladies
might be expected. If by chance hef
found himself in such a gathering, hef
was sure to shrink into an obscure corner'
and keep silent. We remember au amus
ing incident of his bashfulness. He be
came attracted toward a young lady at
Springfield, where he was engaged in
sending supplies to thc army. Desirous-
of showing her some attention, he was al-