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THE
SDcwotcii to $oHtic0, literature, 2lgvicftltu, 0ctence, iltornliti), aui etietal Iiitelltgnr&
Vol. 23.
STROTJDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. JUNE 16, (SM
NO. I?.
tSSSmSm
tpw w sn att a m
Published by Theodore Schoch.
L l - - - - -
nMirn ar in advance and if not
Maid before the end of tiro ycai,-lwo dollars ana twen
l v fire els. will ue crmrseu.
Kb piper discantinued until Alt nrreaiAges arc paid,
bxceptat the option of the Editor.
IE?Advcrtisements of one square or (ten lines) or
less, one or three insertions, $1 00. Earn additional
Insertion, 25 cents. Longer ones in proportion.
JOB PRINTING,
OF Khh KINDS,
Executed in the highest style of the Art, and on the
most rcasoritble terms.
What President Lincoln Thinks of Grant.
In reply th a question in regard to the
present military prospect, Mr. Lincoln, with
that peculiar smile which he always puts
on when about lo Icll a good story, said :
'Well, sir, your question reminds me of a
Utile anecdote about the automaton chess
player, which many years ago astonished
the world by its skill in that game. After
a. while the automaton was challenged by a
celebrated player, who to his great chagrin,
was beaten twice by the machine. At
the end of the second game, the player,
significantly pointing his finger at the auto
maton, exclaimed in a very decided tone,
t There's a man in it.' And this, sir, is just
the secret of our present success."
The Old Flag Unfurled.
A pleasant incident occurred recently out
in Tennessee, a few days since. A flag
was buried three years ago, by some fedics,
to prevent its falling into the hands of the
rebels. It remained undisturbed until a few
days since, when it was exhumed by a. com
pany ofthe same ladies. They unfurled it
to the breeze, and accompanied by a brass
band, paraded through the town. One ofthe
ladies made a speech, which was responded
to by Col. Crosse. The banner was then
hoisted on one of the principal buildings and
there waved, a fitting testimonial to woman's
devotion lo her countrv.
Read an Hour a Day.
There was once a lad who at fourteen
was a soap boiler One of his resolutions
was to read one hour a day, or at that rate,
and lie had an old silver watch left him by
his Uncle, which he timed his reading by.
lie stayed seven years with his master, and
his master said when he was twenty-one
that he knew as much as the young squire
did. Now let us sec how much time he had
to read in seven years, at the rate of an
hour a day. It would be twenty-five hun
dred and fifty-five hours, which at the rate
of eight reading hours a da', would be three
huadreiind nineteen days; equal to forty
fire vcefcs, equal to eleven months: nearly
a year's reading. That time spent in tieas
uring up useful knowledge would pile up a
very large stone.
I am sure it is worth trying for.
A Significant Reply.
One dajT a young merchant who had just
failed in buisness, having spent in four years
a legacy often thousand dollars, in addition
to any profits realized, was met by a thrifty
J 1 . . t i i r
voung mechanic, who had formerly been on
, n
timacy with him. Durng the conversatio ,
that ensued, the merchant said to him:
'How is it, Harry, that you had been able
to live and save money on the small sum
...t -i. :. c- iT.tillo T
WHICH VUU rciiUlVC 1UI VUUl ClVlUliC, wtiliv. m.
found it impossible to live in mv buisness,
lounu it lmpossioie 10 jivc iu m u'-"i
with a good round 810,000 to back me
1"
,
0, said the mechanic, "that is easily un
flerstood. I have lived with reference, most-
1 v. in the comforts and tastes of myself and
fimily; while you have lived mostly with re-
ference to the opinions and tastes of others-
It costs more to please the eye, than to keep
the back warm and the stomach full"
Hard Hitting.
One evening a clergyman gave out the j
hvm'n which was in measure harder than
usual and the deacon led off Upon its con-
elusion, the minister rose and said :
Brother B will please repeat his
hymn, as I cannot pray after such singing."
The deacon very composedly pitched into
another tune, and the clergyman proceeded
with his prayer. Having finished he took
up the book to give the second hymn, when
he was interrupted by the deacon gravely
getting up and saying, in a voice audible to
the whole congregation:
tiWi'll Mr C please make another
prayer 1 It would be impossible for me to
sing after such praying as that. "
(r Flirtation, whether seriously or light
ly considered, is injurions to a woman as
well as unbecoming in her. It is a broad
unblushinjr confession which the individual
makes, of her desire to attract the notice of
men. No girl ever made a happy union by
flirtation, because no man capable of making
a woman permanently happy was ever at
tracted by that which is disgusting to per
sons of intelligence and refinement.
(rlna recent ride, an Eastern editor
discovered the following upon a gatepost:
'Fursail a 2 story cows pen. the owner
Xpex'to Go 2 caleflbrney."
05" You can't pass here," as the counter
said to the bad shilling.
GRAND OVATION TO TOE PENNA.
RESERVES.
Full Report of their Recep
tion at Harrisburg.
THE TOWft ALIVE WITH ENTHUSI
ASM. Speeches of mayor lEoiimfortt
Gov. Cnrtiii. Col. Fislici. Col.
.Tic Caudles and Coieuel
Roberts.
Special Correspondence to the Inquirer.
Harrisburg, June 6, 1S64.
On the arrival of the Reserves all the
church bells of the city were rung. They
were indeed a noble spectacle, those war
worn, suu burned heroes, as they marched
through our streets. Over three years
ago they Jett us tun ntteen mousana
strong, and after attesting their devotion
to the old flag on many a bloody battle
field, they now return to us only fifteen
hundred in number.
All the stores in the city were closed,
and flags, flowers and patriotic emblems
festooned the route over which the pro
cession passed.
Before marching, the Reserves partook I
of a eolation prepared lor them at the
Volunteer Refreshment Station, after
which the procession moved in the fol
lowing order :
Chief Marshal Wui. H. Kcpncr and Aids.
Jiand of music.
Military escort, Captain Rate's Battery,
First New York Artillery.
Pennsylvania Reserve Corps.
As this part of thc procession passed
nrmninonr, nhmns firmer would ascaud
from the assembled crowds. Roquets
and flowers were showered upon the Re
serves. The old battle flags, riddled with
bullet holes, were the especial objects of
enthusiasm. Many wounded veterans of
the corps followed in carriages. Then
came the
Assistant Marshal.
Govcruorand Cabinet Officers in carriages.
Mayor and President of Common Council
in carriage.
Clergy.
State Officers.
County Officers.
Judges and members of the Bar.
Commou Couucil of the city of Harris
burjr. Assistant Marshal.
Band of Music.
Officers ofthe Army and Navy sojourning
in Harrisburg.
Stran
rr smnnrninir in
Harrisburg.
w.w --j 0
Civic Societies.
Assistant Marshal.
Citizens of Harrisburg.
Assistant Marshal.
Band of Music.
Fire Department.
Assistant Marshal.
During the whole time taken up in the
marchinir or the procession, a sa
ilute oi
guns was being nred irom capital jam,
the Mb of the city continued to ring,
and the different furnace and factory sig-
. . ,
nals sent up one continual din and roar,
About Q0Qn the cavalcade and proccs.
s'l0n reached Capitol Hill. Every avail-
ahle standing poiut in that vast inclosure
was takeu up by the eager multitude. As
tUa fnrnc mnTvliml nn tli o rrnvnl W;i 1 lr
w...i. ri ' . I rT'tl
.t -ww.pu w.. - o
they were greeted by such cheers as ncv-
j o , , . ,
er rung inrouii ine vauiiuu uuuums auu
rotundas of the old capitol since the days
nF fc fmindnt on. The ral ant bovs to
whom tb;s ovatioQ as bei offcr, ,
i AM tnY..,ur nA omnl,.,t;.n1lv onv. I
ercp with thc richest floral offeriugs of
June.
Reaching the main edifice, the whole
j Corps was massed in front of the Capitol '
i Mv nt I vrrvv I sm t twr trt rill tl rl ffl cr
the stand improvised for the occasion,
F"' j a
; addressed the Reserves as follows :
jan brave soldiers of Pennsylvania.
In'the name of the citizens of Harris-
burg, 1 greet you wun neany, most near
r wl,nnm tn tha f'anibd of vour State.
During the last three years, by flood and ,
by field, in the valleys and upon the
J-..4-:J i:i. iLn nnA
TTifiinirrjiii iiiiin villi ii;ivi i rv i . viiiiuiiu ti ii
bravely fought5, bled and
mtry, carrying the old flag
noble soldiers,
UUU Mil U W W -fW ' v, - -1
ArA tv r nnn nfrv onrrtri
been
u:a.4ta.i La ,,, !,
front of every battle and grand contest
cast of the Allegheny Mountains, and im-
fnn ZwA vnurselvel winnine laurels of
renown unsurpassed. (Cheers.)
j i t,
Of twenty thousand men who marched
into the field an unbroken front three
years ago, you now return the broken,
battle-stained, shattered remnants of two
thousand men. May your departed com
panions, whom you have left behind you
iu Southern graves, who have fallen in
defense of our country's liberties, receive
that crown of immortality which has be
come their heritage, as bequeathed to
glory aud to fame. And not only the
fallen of the brave ones, whose untimely
cod we so deeply deplore, but at your
feet, brave soldiers-in-arms, cast we our
"arlands of flowers. Never shall your
deeds be forgotten. (Cheers.)
It was the intention of the citizens of
Harrisburg to give you upon this very
ground a reception dinner, but you are
as sudden with your friends as with your
enemies; you took as unawares and by
surprise. You outflanked us. (Tre
mendous cheering.) But, my gallant
soldiers, the citizens of Harrisburg do not
despair of entertaining you. (Cheers.
They have all agreed to invite you into
the sanctiry of their homes. They will
receive you there as part of their own
loved families, around their tables and
hearth-stones. Thev will remind you
the old time, when you used to sit at speech m thanks for the Keys one wel--a of thc UnioJ
home by the smoking hot dinner (cheer come He had only to say and ho did aad Libert ,, a woundcd soldier rolled
from the soldiers); and you can relate to himself honor m saying, that they (the oyer in d hig hand
them your gallant charges, your narrow Reserves) in their consciences felt that hig toward'tlie filing, and oxeftim
escapes, and the circumstances of your, they had done their whole duty. And ed, "Breastworks, Lord-breastworks !"
glorious victories through which you have .we are willing for so many years as our '
nnssfirt sinrn vnn mnraiiari trnm vnnr
homes to the battle-fields of Rebellion.
(Cheers.) We will be glad to hear your
voices in our homes, as we will be most
happy and proud to entertain you. And
after you have paataken of this foretaste
of our gratitude, you will be permitted to
go home to thc dear ones there, in whose
hearts your memory has become en
shrined as holy in thc history of our Com
monwealth. (Cheers.) My good friends,
my gallant friends, I welcome you again !
aud when the alarms of war have ceased
may you enjoy that peace you so well de-
serve under your own vine and ng-tree
with your household gods around you.
In that day it will be merely necessary
for you to say, "I was a member of the
Pennsylvania Reserve Corps" (immense
cheering), and the answer will come from
bystanders, "Bless the brave men!"
(Prolonged cheers, in which the corps
joined.)
My friends, I expect that next Wed
nesday, at two o'clock in the afternoon,
you and we will participate of the dinner
which will be provided for you.
1 n
The Mayor was most heartily cheered
i by the troops. Alter something like si
; icuce could be induced, Governor Curtin
stepped upon the plattarm.
The Governor spoke substantially as
follows :
I thauk you, Mr. Mayor of Harrisburg,
aud yu the PeoPle of this city for this
1 L. 1 i. i.1 1
your hearty welcome to these brave men
It has been through you, brave soldiers,
that the hearts or the people have been
stirred, lour presence Here again, my
fellow-citizens (the Reserves), has stirred
up emotions iu our hearts, deep and glo
rious as our feehnsrs are to-day, that we
will never forget I cannot find language
to adequately express to you the senti
ments and feelings of Pennsylvania, and
when I sav, as we all say, "You have
done your whole duty," (immense cheer
ing.) I but faintly convey to you the u-
niversal verdict of the whole people of
this commonwealth. It is now nearly
three years since you left this city
mighty army. Nearly that period of
time has elapsed siuce I had the honor of
handing to you these standards which
you are about to return to the State, un
stained with dishonor and covered with
laurels of brightest martial renown.
(Cheers from the Corps). You have ne
ver set foot upon the soil of j'our
homes since then, save once. Once you
came back to Pennsylvania, and then we
all heard of your deeds, that spoke in
thunder tones with your cheers. "Round
Top" at Gettysburg will ever live as a
watch-word of glory and victory. (Tre
mendous cheering in the Corps.) When
nearly all thc rest gave way before the
bayonets of the enemy we heard your
shouts around the hills of that devoted
country, in the face of the enemy, and to
you belongs the honor of driving him
from our soil. (Great cheering.)
I would speak of your gallant deeds,
but they have passed into history. I
have not time to enumerate the battles
111 IT i Ml J
Ijoo have been m. History will record
ii vou iiave Jone for vour COuntrv.
:, , , -r 'i "
ine record ot tne rennsyivania reserve
Ull,a 13 uiuuiwu uuu ..
(Cheers.) I am not qualified to speak of
the heroic dead you have left upon near-
Jj &vei7 battle-field of the Republic.
Unon their craves centres the
rrrn 1 1 rnrtn
of this sreat people. But I can welcome
you, who nave returned wnu suuourni,
1 1 . .! I
From the North and the South, and the
East and the West thc voice of welcome
is warted towards you from the old key
stone State, (Prolonged cheering.)
We did not know three years ago that
ii i ii - ti:
yu would remain so long in wio puone
service. But I can say that I refer with
gnde and pleasure to the part this great
State has borne in this contest, from the
battle of Drainesville, where you were
the first to strike, until last Monday
where you struct your neaviesc diow at
Bethesda Church. (Immense cheering.)
May you all find a happy welcome at
Jr homes ! May you be all marked as
mCQ who 8tjrv?.d thir coxxotry 10
4- n nf rrroofnef nnn MnV VAI1 TlPVPr
regret that you belonged to the Peunsyl
vania Reserve Corps and were in every
battle of the Republic! With this wel
come I bid you farewell.
At the close of the Governor's speech
loud cheers were given for Grant, Meade
and all the Generals of the Army of the
Potomac.
Colonel Fisher, in behalf of the corps,
responded briefly, as follows :
Mr. Mavor. Governor and citizens pf
Harrisburg In
the name of the rem-
Honfo aP whnf. wns nnr.a a miVhtv division
I thank you for the reception you have
trivfln us here to-dav. The people of
' . , . .
Harrisburg, represented by their Mayor,
have you overwhelmed us with their
kindness. in reply to tnese kihu ex-
pressious, the only response I have to
maKe is tne speeuu imiiuiw w
1 ..
sylyania Reserves. So, my gallant boys,
Inr, lis hnvn thrfifi nhfiers. UU d let them be
such thunderin"- cheers as you gave at
"
Hethesda Church before we left the army, good right arm availed anything, God's ted by the season, nnd brings forth neith
And in'response the whole corps joined flag should conquer. ler blossom nor fruit? A boot-tree.
in three troniendous, roaring cheers, that
made the old State House tremble from
dome to foundation,
- Colonel McCandloss, who" is severely
of wounded, being called for, made a brief
Iivps shnll Insr. nnri nnr hlnnd now in our
veins to continue to sustain the old flag
which we have carried in triumph in ma
ny an engagement.
A.
We stand upon a sure record.
We
fought the first battle at Drainesvillc: , at
r ii
Malvern we were there, and wnenever,
the Reserves were called, they were!
J - '
there. (Cheers.) It shall always be my;nis me, dud nis soui. liis remaps were
pleasure to stand by you and lead you
where you wish to be led. (Cheers')
Colonel R. Riddle Roberts being called
that a hot dinner had been promised
them but he remembered the time when
they had a hot dinner, a very hot dinner,
with no ladies around to grace it with
their smiles. (Laughter )
The Corps then marched to Camp Cur
tin and the various organizations and civ
ic societies in attendance dispersed.
Mr. Lincoln's last Story.
The latest illustrative story by Mr. Lin
coln is thus related. Its moral will be
appreciated by patriotic men.
A gentleman just returned from Wash
ington relates tho following incident that
transpired at the White 'House the other
day. Some gentlemen were present from
the West, excited and troubled about the
commissions or omissions of the Admin
istration. The President heard them pa
tiently, and then replied : " Gcutlemen,
suppose all the property you were worth
was in gold, and you had put it in the
hands of Blondin to carry across the river
on a rope, would you shake the cable, or
keep shouting out to him Blondin,
stand up a little straighter, Blondin,
stoop a little more go a little faster
lean a little more to the North lean a
little more to the South ? No, you would
hold your breath as well as -our tongue,
and keep your hands off until he is safe
over. The Government are carrvine: an
immense weignt. untold treasures are
TT 1
in their hands. They arc doing the best
they can. Don't badger them. Keep
silence, and we 11 get you safe across. -
This simple illustration answered the
complaints of half an hour, and not only
silenced but charmed thc audience.
The Old Arm Chair.
The other day a young couple, just re
turned from the -honeymoon, at Stud ley,
near Trowbridge, decided upon having
the old arm-chair" repollished and re-
stuffed. The difficulty was how, for grand
ma seldom vacated it. One day, while
the old dame was out of the way, thc
chair was sent off to the upholsterer On
grandma's return she immediately missed
her chair, and eagerly inquired ior it.
"Oh, I've sent it away to be cleaned,"
said dutiful Dorothy. "What ?" shriek
ed the horrified eld lady, "there was four
hundred pounds in bank-notes, in the
seating I A messenger was immediately
despatched to the upholsterer's for the
chair," and it was returned with the treas
ure safely deposited in the seating. Soon
after that an old petticoat was foraged out
and consigned to the rag-bag, but thc old
dame rescued it in time, and displayed to
her astonished granddaughter a large
number of sovereigns sewed in the waist
band.
TTT3 An anecdote worth laughing over
is told of a man who had an infirmity as
well as an appetite for fish. He was anx
ious to keep up his character for honesty,
even while making a bill with his mer
chant, as the story goes, and when his
back was turned, the honest buyer slipped
a codfish up under his coat tail. But thc
garment was too short to cover up the
theft, and the merchant perceived it.
"Now, said the customer, anxious to
improve all opportunities to call atten
tion to his virtues, "Mr. merchant, I have
traded with you a great deal, and have
paid you promptly and honestly, haven't
I?"
"Oh yes," answered the merchant, "I
make no complaint."
"Well," said thc customer, "I always
insisted that honesty is the best policy,
and the best rule to live and die by."
"That's so, replied thc merchant.
And the customer turned to depart.
"Hold on, friend," cried the merchant,
"speaking of honesty, I have a bit of ad
vice to give you. Whenever you come
to. trade again you had better wear a Ion
ger coat or steal a shorter codfish."
As one of the brigades of the Reserve
Corps which came up to the rescue of
General Thomas at Clncauiauga was mar-
ching through Athens. Alabama, a bright
eyed girl of four summers Was looking at
the sturdy fellows tramping by. When
- - .i - j. ,irt
she saw the sun S
stripes of red and on th i-! 5'
me uag, sue uiiiimmuu, uiapujQ
bands, "Oh, pa ! pa 1
r.i m,- w
f l . . 111
uuu . r
. r 1I1 1 A n n
toe stars r A snout oeep auu iouu
went up irom tnat column, anu many a
bronzed veteran lifted his hat as he pass-
- . . 1 1 .1 , 1 !C1
ed the sunny-naired eniiu, rcsoivmg, 11 ins'
for, addressed the Corps m a few eloquent as tollows : ".look here, partner, it it following good story of Gen.
remarks, which were vociferously ap- nau noc Deen ior a eucure-uecK x uon d i visitor to the armv ca
tit7, .i it i i I -1 TM I 1 Tj. ,i:ji. I ... J.
piauaeo dv tne corps. iie remarKeu kuuw wuuiuxu ntv uuuu. xt um ut 0nc morninir. and mind thf
Hospital Stdriei
A Washington correspondent of. the
Cincinnatti Commercial writes :
i., , , . -J;. n T V, H,
In one of the hospitals yesterday, while
vyuusiiuu commission uromer was
congratulating a wounded man upon the
- . fact that he owed the salvation of his life
to a pocket Testament which happily in-
tcrvened between a rebel bullet and his
.'short ribs. .lie promised to- give thc sol-
,1 : 1 rp..i l i i .i ;t
uii .iuuiuui xuauuuuuu, uuu uopcu jo
would be instrumental in saving not only
1 IT 1 . . i 1 1 T T 1
overheard by a New Yorker, who was
suffering from a slight, but smarting
1 ! 1 J 1
wouuu in uie sme, aim expressed uimscu
j hurt me much but it knocked the ace of
spades and tne king ot Hearts nigtier tnan
a kite. Can't you get a feller a new pack!"
A wounded Virginia rebel and a woun
ded Pcnnsylvanian occupying adjoining
beds, had a good-humored verbal tilt as
follows :
Union "Say, reb, where arc you
from ?"
Sesesh "I'm from Virginia, the best
State in America."
Union "There's where old Floyd
came from, the old thief." .
Sesesh "Where arc j'ou from, Yank?"
Union "I m from Pennsylvania.
Scccsh "Well you needn't talk about
old Floyd coming from Virginia as loin
as old Buchanan came from Pennsylva
nia. Dou't you wish you hadn't said any
thing, Yank?"
Put Him in the Stable.
A capital story is told of Judge Tap
pan, formerly a Senator in Congress, who
was unfortunately cross-eyed. A u umber
of years ago he was Judge of a new or
ganized county court in the eastern part
of Ohio. In those days of primitive sim
plicity, or perhaps poverty, the bar-room
of'a tavern was used as a court-room and
the stable as a jail. Ouc day during the
session of court, the judge had occasion to
severely reprimand two lawyers who were
wrangliug. An odd looking customer,
who. sat in the corner, listened apparent
ly with great satisfaction to the reproof
and presuming on his old acquaintance
with thc judge, saug out
"Give it to them, old gimlet eyes !"
"Who was that?" inquired the Judge.
"It was this 'ere old boss," answered
the chap, raising himself up.
" Sheriff," observed the judge, with
great gravity, "take that old boss and put
him iu the stable."
Too Good to be lost.
A few days since, a good old lady of
this village meetinga farmer in our streets
on a load of hay, enquired of him if it
was for sale j on being answered in the
affirmative, she asked him to turn his
team around and drive to her husband s
barn-yard, some quarter of a mile distant.
Her request was complied with ; and af
ter the barn-yard was reached the old la
dy iuformcd the teamster that she only
wanted a cent's worth of hay for hen's
nest's, .and that while he was throwing it
off she would step into the house aud get
thc change ! The driver was ungallaut
enough to curse the old lady and her hens,
aud refused to retail his hay.
jIf They tell a good story of a pay
master in the army, an Indiana man, who
was an admirer of Geu. McClellan. He
unfortunately happened within our lines
with a million of dollars to pay our troops,
just as the 7 days' fighting before Rich
mond commenced. Ue was obliged to re
main during the whole time. A friend
inquired how he got off unharmed. "0,"
said he admiringly, "I stuck to Little
Mac, and came out all right." He was
perfectly safe when he was with the Gen
eral and staff.
tSfA clergyman, who was consoling a
young widow upon tne oeain oi uer a us- j
1 .1 1 a! I 1. I
baud spoke m a very serious tone, re
marking that "lie was one of thc few:
You cannot fiud his equal you know."
To which the sobbing fair one
4 1. n ..Imnf Kvrtlrnn linn vf- '
replied
'I don't,
Wlbll ill Ulliiuaw u uvwi uj
kuow, but I'll try."
TrTr,"nAN,r.F.unirR. One dav a butch-
cr, having ordered his assistant to bring
the victim to the slaugntcr, wno, not ou-
serving ttiat ins superior was uiuas-uj,uu,
until the very instaut he was drawing the
blow, cried out in an exclamatory voice:
'Sir do you mean to strike where you
look?'
Yes.' 9. .
'Well, you may hold thc ox then1, I
won't!
ju xowa euuor mis lanuu uen v
one and a hlf millidns.
ooarao he'll retire. Just fancy a
in Iowa editor 11:1s lallen Heir to an
Of
cv a man
wortn tnat sum writing a pun oi a imieub
nflioci run nr M re Wlnslnw J NiWirlllIlr
o 1
l T V 1 1 1 T 1 ;
- r 1 - .
j - r
J0What trco is it which is not affec-
Making a Great FtisS.
Two Dutch farmers at Kindcrhook;
whose farms were adjacent, were out id
their respective fields, when one over
heard an unusual loud hollowing in the"
direction of a gap in a high Stimc wall;
and ran with all speed to the place, and
the following brief conversation occurred;
"Slum, vat ish dc matter '("
'Well, don," says JoKrf, "I was trying
to climb on de top of dish high stone wall,
and I fell off, and all dc stone wall tum
ble down outo me, and it Wash prokc one'
or mine legs on, and botn o mine arms
off, and smashed miuc ribs' in. and dose
pir stones arc lyini: oti dc ton of mine
-poddy.""-
i . noii ,i ., TV..
"isn aat am says tnc otner; "vy you
hollow so loud?. I tot ydd rot dc toof-
.... J
acne!"
Gen. Grant's Opinion Of his own Situation;
A UCntlcmau from the front tells the
Grant :
lied upon him,-
Ge'tferal sit-
. t'mg in his tert smokin
and talking to
one of his staff officers. Thc stranger ap
proached the chieftain and inquired of
him as follows: "General, if you flank
Lee and get between him and Richmond,
will you uot tincover Washington and
leave it a prey to the enemy ?" General
Grant, discharging a cloud of smoke from
his' mouth, indifferently replied, "Yes, I
reckon so." Thc stranger, encouraged
by a reply, propounded question number
two : " General, do you not think Lee"
can detach sufficient force from his army
to rciu force Beauregard and overwhelm!
Butler "Not a doubt of itt" replied
the General. Becoming fortified by his
success, the stranger propounded question
No. 3, as follows : '-General, is there not?
danger that Johnston may come up and
reiu force Lee, so that the latter will swim;
round aud cut off your communications.
and seize your supplies ?" "Very like
ly," was the cool reply of thc General;
aud he knocked the ashes from the end
of his cigar. The stranger, horrified at
the awful fate about to befall Gen. Grant
and his army, made his exit and hastened
to Washington to communicate the news
"I Can't Do It."
Yes, you can. Try try hard try often
and you will accomplish it. Yield to every
discouraging circumstance, and you will do
nothing worthy of a great mind. Try, and
you will do wonders. You will be astonished
at yourself :y our advancement in whatever
you undertake. "I can't" has ruined many
a man j has been the tomb of bright expecta
tion and ardent hope.--Let 'I will try," be'
your motto in whatever you undertake; and
if you press onward' steadilyyou will accom
plish' your 6'bject, and come off victorious.
Idaho is decidedly a fast country. If
a woman becomes dissatisfied with her
husband, or finds some man she likes bet
ter, she stdtcs her case to the President
of thc miuiug district where she resides
he calls a miner's meeting they untie
thc matrimonial knot, afld she is at liber
ty to take whoever she pleases, provided
she can get him.
DreAdful A Scotch paper tells the
story ot a dairy farufe'r, who after the
burial of his wife', drove' a hard bargain
with tho' grave-digger, who, bringing his
hand down on his shovel, exclaims : :
"Down wi' neither shillia, or
up
ilie"
comes
v
A Hottentot once gdt up a painting of
heaven. It was enclosed with a fence
made of sausage's, while the centre was
occupied with a fountain that squirted
pot-pc. Singular jumble', wasii't it ?
Too much idleness leaves a man less
his owtl master than any sort of employ
meut.
Tis swiet for love td pay its debt, but
sweeter for love to
o "
nvn its mlf
There were four rivers of Adam's Par
adise. There arc foiir of every man's
paradise
Truth. -Ldve', Hope, Memory, and
Giro its not poverty nor riuhds, but a
. . 4 . .. . ...
two-story house "all by ourselves.
Female authorship, instead of being0
dftnrf?L'ittcd. Oliirht to bn encoiir'i"ftd ali
tuc grcat safety-valve of society.
OZr'A drdnkardi supporting himself a-
gaintsa church railing, replied in answer tfcr
nc,-rt k i. ,im r.i...i.. 1...1
churchj but he h;id a lcan5 that
OT'-Permit tne W 'iiitrdildce myself," as
the knife said to' the oyster.
. -1
0Cr,-Hold your jaw," as the liiuiir
when his head was in the lidnViributhi
0r"My heart is thine,"as the
said to' thc cook maid;
cablMigar
sm-;
CSTlii the West Indies fheyrhavg
a new use for rum it is employed in the
preperation of paint. Judging from ujy-
ses we have .sden, Iwe would Say it
wduld
produce a fiuo color.
The cat is
a drawing-room' tiger,
tha
lizard is a pocket-crocodile