THE
Scuotci to Jpolitirs, itcrnturc, Agriculture, Sricntc, JHornliti), aui cncral Intelligence.
VOL. 23.
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. APRIL 14, 1864.
NO. 8.
Published by Theodore Schoch.
TERMS Two dollars a year in advance and if no
paid before the end of Hie ycar,t o dollars and twen
tr-five cts. will be charged.
N'o paper discontinued until all arrearages are paid,
tjxceplai the option of the Editor.
rC3 Advertisements ofone square of ten lmesjor
less, one or three insertions, 1 00. Each additional
insertion, 2o cents. Longer ones in proportion.
JOB PRINTING,
OF ALL KINDS,
Executed in the highest s-tyle of the Art, and on th
most rcason ible terms.
The Old Story.
"Mamma, mamma, young Eddie Jones,
"Who called for me last night,
And by the fallen oak sat down
Beneath the moon's soft light,
Whispered so many pretty things
About his country home,
And took my hand in his, and asked
If I would be his own.
" He called me beautiful, and said
My hand was snowy white,
My lips were coral, and my eyes
Were like the diamond's light;
And then he sighed and looked so sad,
And seemed in such distress,
That when he asked me to be his
I had to tell him yes."
4i Fie! fie! my daughter Eddie Jones
A nice young man may be,
But "he can't keep a hotel," nor
A husband be to thee ;
lie's nothing but a country clown,
And does not own a "rod."
Before I see you merry him
I'd rather both were dead."
But, dear mama, 3'oung Eddie Jones
Is wealthy, I am sure,
For old Spondulicks died, and left
Fivj thousand pounds or more;
And all the money is his own,
Besides his country home ;
Mamma, mamma. I'd rather be
His bride than live alone.
"I know he loves the very ground
On which my shadow falls,
And will delight to furnish me
With bonnets, hoops, and shawls;
And more than all his gold can buy,
More than my petted vine
That climbs upon the porch I love
To know his heart is mine."
'Five thousand pounds, and all his own !
Whew ! daughter, what a pile !
Not that I care c fig for wealth,
Therefore, you needn't smile,
But Eddie Jonos has won your heart,
And loves you, too, I guess;
So when he asks your hand again,
Just say, I acquiesce."
"Miscegenation."
A pamphlet has lately been published
advocating what it calls "Miscegenation,"
which is interpreted to mean a mingling
of the white and black races, or amalga
mation. We know not who is the auth
or, but we venture the guess that he is a
zealous Copperhead, and that the pam
phlet is issued as a campaign document.
Of course, he pretends to be a Republi
can, or an Abolitionist, or an anti slave
very man of some kind. And of course
he pretends to think that the proclama
tions of I 'resident Lincoln and the action
of the Republican party tend to promote
"miscegenation. m hut the allegation is -
perfectly nousensical. Keep the blacks
in slavery, and they will not mingle with (
the whites, but set them free, and they
will, says his argument. What says the
facts? Wc have had in our country for
n good many years both free blacks and
slaves. Which have mingled most with
white blood ? It is notorious that the
chief mingle of the races has taken place
on tne oouincrn pjaniaiiuus, ueuveen ,
master aud Slave. Ifc is rarely indeed i
that any such thing takes place in the !
free Suites, but in the. Slave States it is of
daily occurrence. That is where the
mulattocs come from.
The Biter Bit
A few days ago a Mrs. Moore
whilst
travelling
Detroit
pocket,
made himself generally
ajrrceaDie
to the
1
Hi fmm hntir. f ho lmivunu
and after ,
at a small !
easing her of the
money, left
station near Chicago, doubtless well satis- i
fied with his success. Rut unfortunate-
Iv for himself, the
thief was in such a ,
hurry to escape, that he left behind him
JiIb carpet bag, containing among other
things a valuable diamond pin worth a
hout 400, which, as a matter of ex
change. Mrs. Moore of course confiscat
ed. Sorghum for Forage.
P. S. B., of Huron Co., Ohio, writes
on this subject: I learned one fact of
value connected with the growing of su-
gar cane, viz, that cane fodder cut before .
frosted, and cured properly, is far supe- j
rior to corn loader, tor winter ieea lor
horses, and the amount per acre exceeds
any other kind of fodder grown.
"Cabbage," says the Edinhurg
Review, "contains more muscle sustain
ing nutriment than any other vegetable."
This probably accounts for the fact of
.... 1, ,1
there being
Rn rim 11 v nr.nieLic ieiiuwa
and Chicago, had her pocket pjpkcd of ! f wee S V?
i e r, rri, lars a week, and it means
" . : J J 4
laong the tailors
A GAY GUARDIAN OF THE CITY'S
MORALS.
Beau Hackett in the Capacity of a Po
liceman. From the Chicago Post.'
Editor Post: Recent misfortunes,
though they have had a terrible effect
upon my mind, have been beneficial to
may muscular development. My mus
cles have expanded wonderfully in the
last lour weeks. I am on
- . . . . i
x am ou iiuu muo
' now entirely. An editor of a little paper
; in a town "out w est, a lew iiuuuiuu
miles cast of Chicago, characterized me
I as a "man of a powerful frame and enor
! raous muscle." I know where and how
he got that impression. He met me in a
restaurant, when he was visiting the city,
and I was eating oysters in the half shell.
He thought they were mussels, and took
it for granted that if I was not a man of
muscle then, I soon would be.
Uut the report came Dacic on me. xnu
" V r V
I 111 f ' I I -1 1 I f I I f II I I I Willi I It.ir ll(tll.LU 11 1
on by a large delegation of respectable
gentlemen, and entreated by them to take
a position on the police force. I hey said
men of muscle were just the men they
nrln1 Al flirt rnl!ftnnnn in fllO PlfvT
u- un-.j-u..... 1 iv
were pigmies, ana a iew auuiiS, taiu,
hearty men were wanted immediately.
I accepted a position obtained it upon
the recommendation of the respectable
delegation, and learned a tew minutes at -
tor I was appointed that the salary was
only twelve dollars a week.
1 offered io resign at once, but was in -
lormcu mat my resignation ituum ui , ou
accepted. J weivc uouara u cck. kjh ;
1 gUUSO
T
not. 2s 0 wonder policemen are
pigmies
2so wonder they are not men
of muscle. I would like to see auy
,man
buy mnsclc for twelve dollars
wceK in
war times. Rut I was in for ife aud
when I found that my resignation would
not be accepted, I was determined to be
a policemau all over. I paid a hundred
dollars (two month's salar) for a uni
form, and borrowed a star from a man
who had more than he wanted. I felt
proud the first time I appeared in public
attired in my new suit. It was so funny
to see little boys and small men skedad
dle as I walked along the streets.
Captain Nelson asked me what beat I
would like to go on the first night, mere
ly to become acquainted with the busi
ness. I told him if it would suit all par-
tics concerned. I would prefer going on
the "dead bent." Uc replied partly that
I had been on that ever since he hrst
me, aud he thought a change would
.1 T 1 il. i 1
agree with me. 1 aumitreu unit cuaugu
would asrrcc with me, but told him I
I would never be troubled with
much of it on a salary of twelve dollars a
week.
The -subject was pressed upon me, and
I had better be placed upon bhcrmau
street the first nitiht as it was rather
thinly populated, and I had been told
that many of the inhabitants could be
easily captured. The captain dissented;
said he thought that was- not a suitable
street for me. lie was in a quandary
where to put me. "A jealous policeman
suggested the propriety of putting me
out, which suggestion was unheeded
Final!-, I was assigned a beat that can
not be described by the mere mention of
municipal localities. I was permitted to
go where I pleased, and required to ar
rest all trespassers and peace-breakers
and law-breakers aud head-breakers,
wherever I found them, I made an arrest
;n tj,.m Jlf .m hour, and paroled the
lirjsoner. I went into the rolice court,
i,0WCVer, and entered a complaint
"Who is
iudc-e.
the accused?" -inquired the
A lady," said Iand gave her name. !
" bat is the charger"
"Resisting an officer."
"State the particulars ?"
"I tried to kiss her and
she wouldn't
let me." was my brave
response.
The judge told me 1 had better retire,
and also informed me if I came there
with another such a charge he would
have me stripped of my office. This was
encouraging. Twelve dollars a week and
not allowed to arrest ladies for resisting
me. I proposed to resign. Was in
formed again that my resignation would
accepted. The city lias got a
at twelve dol
to clinjr to eve-
ircd man.
I next took a position at a popular
street crossing, and, escorted ladies
through the masses of carriages, drays
i ' t
anji express agu,. x au a Bay
gallanting -d Anuu, and
J"arvs, anuu unaa, a.m . u,
p-an to think tliat ucinj- a policeman was
not so bad after all. Twelv
c dollars a
week increased in my imagination, and
so did the demands 011 my purse for the
payment of unsettled accounts. I was
vexed by one phenomenon that I ob
served at the street crossing. Pretty wo
men crossed quicker than a streak of
chain lightning, while the homely ones
required about an hour, and froze to me
at that, sometimes taking my arm in both
Imnds. Mercv! how affectionate a home-
wonian can be to a policeman.
j ift the crossing and strolled about
I left the
miscellaneously. I avoided all places
where strong men were congregated. I
was afraid a row might take place among
them, and I was constitutionally opposed
in nrmcfinir Rtrnnf? men. I was begin-
, ning to feel the effects of twelve dollars a
week. My muscle was leaving me rapid
ly, without any promise of its ever re
turning. Twelve dollars a week is no m-
I ducemcnt for muscle to return to any-
! not be
body. I got on admirably in my new
calling. I spent four days without mak
ing a single arrest, and without getting a
rest myself.
During the rest of the time I did bet
ter.
1 arrested a better (a small fellow,
et,) who had been betting on the
you bet
loung Men s election when there wasjsilould bo so arjjended as to prohibit Sla
nnln ,l-rtf . -. iUn finl.l 11 3Z -
only one ticket in the field, all the candi
dates on the other tickets having become
ticket-of-leave men. I arrested the
young geutlcmcn who displayed his weak
ness so glaringly, ou the ground that he
. nofc a ualxfiotl to take care of himself.
j took him to tlie lic fc d j d
: him qualified. He handed over to tbe
clerk a V (for virtue) and was houorably
discharged, alleging that he had been
dishonorably charged in the premises.
Twelve dollars a week 1
I was getting so weak I could scarcely
walk. The internal membrane of my sto
mach sussrestcd to me, by divers twitch-
, j that I was not doiug the fair thing
. D3' 1C- " c?ulun ,l 1C- t0. "7
I t - . I I ... I. .1 . t- I . I . i.
j j was reduccd to tie mere outline of a
: m:lll A basc individual with a traveling
. show tricd t0 jlire me for a transparency,
t Sfi :n . ;c ianteni. T was in iho.
r " i t i -r t 1
, last stage or a ueact ianure. 1 resqiveu
; to n,ako one more arrcsfc and dje llkc a
. llcr0 But j determined to confine my
autborjfcy to weak females and small boys,
1 j 1(1 n on risk muscG witb
; Ulascuines n5 matter how small
they
, miht be j mefc a 0lin jad
commcr
out 0f a dry ooda store Wjtb a bundle 0f
; j thafc secnicd so bcavy 1 mistrusted
ifc was not paid for j ixnmediately ar
t d her Qn a ch
large of larceny.
"La! how sudden you are," she
re
me plied. "Why you
have not known
! three months yet."
inr i.i.,d,:r. t nr.i-nA
"1 know you not.
"What! base man, dost thou deny me?
Host thou not love me still ?
f1)ou't call me still," was my indignant
reply. "Love thee? Yes, I love thee
lofs-ly. Come with me to the police
court and I will tell thee why I love
thee."
The next moment I was looking sky
ward, having been floundered by a man
ten pounds my superior. When I re
covered, the young lady whom I had
deemed guilty of petty larceny (or pretty
larceny) had absquatulated.
Twelve dollars a week, and a broken
j head !
j I raised mouey enough that day to pur
chase a warm meal. A string broke in a
; ruling machine at a well-known book
bindery. The proprietors had a job on
; hand that they wanted to finish immedi
ately, and I volunteered as a substitute
, for the string. I did very well, except
that I was a little thinner than the other
'. strings, and made a finer mark. I re-
ceived a quarter for my services, with
which I purchased a meal. The meal
made me sick, I was so unused to such a
thing. Ten minutes after I ate it I was
taken to the Central Station, insensible
dead ! There was a great sensation, of
course, and everybody was frightened.
The policemen were afraid there would
be an inquest, and they knew that the
verdict would be; "Died of twelve dollars
a week. "
; A physician was sent for, but he
wouldn't come, because, he knew the a
mount of my salary. He "said I would in
all probability recover, but it would go
hard with me. A bottle of Mrs. Wins
low's soothing syrup was sent for I al
ways liked that medicine, because a lady
! invented it. Strange to say, it wouldn't
! resurrect me. A bucket of hair dye was
i tried without any visible effect. Finally
they brought me one bottle ot Wizard
!
Oil, and that brought me to. I present
cd one of them to the Common Council,
labelled "twelve dollars a month."
I still live. The captain told me I had
better resign. I had proved myself, he
said, one of those persons unable to en
dure the exposure incident to a police
man's life at twelve dollars a week. I
got contrary and wouldn't resign. He
said I must. I said I wouldn't. Final
ly I met Colonel Richardson and J
changed my mind. I had no desire to
be a policeman while he was in the city.
I resigned. If the Common Council want
a splendid young man like me for a po
liceman hereafter they must pay me. I
don't know what I shall follow next to
sain a livelihood. I think I will follow
my inclinations and go to Idaho or Areo
la, or some other loreign point.
Yours, for twelve dollars.
Beau Hackett.
Raised Greenbacks. -It
is said that raised greenbacks are
circulated here. The work is neatly done
by pasting ones to pass as tens. Of course
none but careless people, or those not used
to handing money, would be deceived. It
is to protect such that we call attention to
the altered notes. The art of pasting and
- w
altering notes has been brought to great
periecuuu, uuu muoc v u iu"";
figures on a note may be easily misled as
to its character. Jiochcstcr American.
rT-? A Urtcfnn nniwir CtlOTrnfifs tllfi OT'
". ti- 1 ,1 t i T ,i;m..'
iranizaiion or a gruuu xjvyai jjuui - 1 . . j
League, composed of women who arc will- ' elusions, if but once its premises wore nd-r?J..Ai..mM!!.fn;f.0T-
whilfi mitted that mind which all admired and
llllT W UIUUS'C lUUlUSCHCiJ iu uiuiuvuiuj , -
.9 r . . 1 . J.l.:
ra-
i. .
tions. so that calico will once more
oe
cheaper than delaines. These print wor
"KS
have been closed nearly two years
Have We a Government 1
While we
nm frnd, w ftnm
the reading of a speech
of a speech made not Ion-
acrn in tho Wnii nf Hnnn.snnff.Hw. W
A.
Pnnn.riuo,,;, tw n "am
tered by anotlier dcbat'e in the Senatc np..tho problem, must have solved it,
! on the oucst;0n whethftr t.hft Constitution ' th lt3 solution, have given pcrman
very. It is a very extraordinary docu-
nieut-this same Constitution of ours; for
It is
it is the learned opinion of sundry sharp
nnlitiftinns t.liat if. P.tnhHHl1M nvnrvt.liin
. . . . J O
WHICH XL UUeti UUU1I1 LUII11S piUIJlUll. . JLJ116
method of argumentation would soon
l. I, :i .1 j. 1. 1 rn
I make a melancholy muddle of any possi-
' v,ie
fundamental instrument. As the
Constitution does not prohibit swindling,
for instance, it is a logical seauitur that!
swindling is constitutional. As the Con
stitution does not define in minute detail
every possible variety of duty which the
President may be called upon to perform,
it follows that, when a red-hot Rebellion
is raging in the land, our Chief Execu-
tivo is to be stationed in Washington
by
I ...
the suffrages of the States, there merely
to draw his salary with an undeviatmg
punctuality. He has nothing to do with
camps and Major-Generals. He is not
expected to entertain so useless and ab-
surd
a policy. He is to live
in the White House, and regulate the
cooks aud porters thereof. Upon his
public days, he is to be a lay figure, to be
gazed upon, to have his hand mechani
cally shaken, and his personal beauty
parsed upon by a mob of free and easy
guests. Merely an inert center, around
which the Federal orrory resolves, the
least display of a real personality, the
least bold assumption of responsibility
upon his part, is angrily deprecated by
the Opposition as a gross usurpation.
And as it is with the President, so is it
with the Cabinet. The Secretaries are
to be only the ceremonial priests of our
political Grand Llama, doing merely a
clerkly work, and never venturing upon
an original act. And as it is with the
Cabinet, so is it with the Congress. The
country may be going to wreck; but no
laws are to be made lor which a preced
ent cannot be found. Poor President!
unhappy Cabinet! contemptible Congress!
There would seem to be no power to save
us vested in anybody !
And yet, it is a singular, not to say be
wildering circumstance, that in the dear,
delightful, happy days, which have gone
by, apparently forever, ingenious gentle
men found any amount of Slavery in the
Constitution; and Presidents were expec
ted to be extremely active in its behalf;
and Cabinets gave orders for jifling the
mail-bags and for refusing passports to
black Americans about to travel; and
Congress exerted all its ingenuity in
framing laws for the capture and rendi
tion of runaway personal goods; and District-Attorneys
were swift to indict in the
Federal Courts all those who declined to
join the man-hunting fwsse comitatus.
Do not all of us remember those timesgot
lucid interpretation, when to iake a
speech in behalf of simple humanity in
Faneuil Hall was construed into levying
war high-trcasonously upon the United
States; and bum-bailiffs, in behalf of the
American eagle, hauled men to prison for
the utterance of involuntary words of
sympathy aud indgnation; and the pul
pits ot Uocl resounuea witn polemical ue
nunciations of God's Higher Law ? Ah !
there was a plenty of Slavery in the Con
stitution then! Every section, every
clause, every article, was presumed, in
some occult way, to sanction the institu
tion. All the glosses of commentators
had a Pro-Slavery tint; all the readings
of the Judges were upon the South side;
all the popular gabble asserted that there
was something more 111 tne lnsirumeuo
than was apparent to fleshly eyes, and
that the said something was a law of des
potism and a gospel of inhumanity ! But
now the same switfc aud zealous expound
ers of the law gaze fondly upon the
purged document and find that the Con
stitution not only makes no reference to
Slavery, but that it sanctions it by the
very fact that no such reference is made.
They go still further. They discover
that it would be extremely dangerous for
a Democracy to admit itself to be a De
mocracy, that is, in writing, however it
may make such pretensions in loose aud
general speech! They discover that,
while the theorv is so eminently lovely,
. 1 ii. . 1
thn nmntino i? nnrfcieiilarlv damrcrous".
VWV yniuw.w - I " ,
They discover that the doctrine or numuu , preSsed to the chicr-oinccr 01 uiu hssuuiu
cnuality is particularly beautiful, with tion their indignation, and asked him if
fnfinn of donving it to
moiety of the human race. Exquisite
r t ni.o,.r.inrr lmmllf.Vl
Did
ever rcasonaDic ausnauto uhiuujk "!
such ridiculous concrete before? And it
was, nevertheless, to the reconcilement of
these absurdities that the practical talent
of the nation-addressed itself. The gi
gantic intellect of Webster wasted itself
P . v. M- 1 1.
1 1- .1..1A.in Ittriiti In mfrt
j contradictions, and gave us but a brill
j aWyer when we might have had a str
in
Herculean citorts to reconcile uiwu
brilliant
states
: -- u . ,
. man-likc Senator. The nobler impulses.
f ltrrnmn !
01 011. oiay a ncaii e, i", ;
i,earfc vrhich nothing but Slavery could;
have so pcrvorsed were squandered in
polished sophistries in the same lmportu -
nnln roii50 ' ' 1ft TUaSSlVO. lOglCBl IllllJU
nf flrtVhnnn nnt. to be resisted in its
MULU WMWW I
con-
1.. fnrr rnonnpfni 1
cause it couia nnu no ingmsi "'
ni. i nuni-ilirnn! I'll ndnm tnl and
an uuuuiim - uiunuiw"
i- -j- .i. M'hto rioiifnl no..
seir-eviueufc uaiuuic.
cessity of being upon both sides of two
the
de-
! same, lias poisoned the lives, and
stro?ed tb d palsied the cs-
ertions, ot scores ot pumic men, wno, n
tney had magnanimously grappled with
and
permanence
- j'? r institutions. But the work which
'fhniT t 1 ft T ri An . r. -t. . Ml MCTinnPl hi lift'
"" "7 uuu 10 uulo
pimple consistency which they evaded
: Peau WUIUU "l" oouS,lc at U1U lniUU Ul
i.:i. it 1 1 1 i : -r
' minlmnco
1U tl Li XI U UtJ
nd courasro. has resulted at
last in the very civil war, the fear of
which would not let them sleep.
For our own part, we have seen so ma
ny and such serious evils resulting from
a Constitution requiring continual judi
cial iuterpretation, and wc think we are
justified in saying legislative and supple
mentary provision, that we shall not be
sorry to find hereafter an evil so great as
Slavery guarded against expressly and in
so many words. Certainly, upon points
of far less importance than our mere po
litical consistency, the Constitution is
sufficiently specific; and, if we are to have
a Government recognizing the freedom
and equality of all persons before the
law, there can be no harm in placing so
noble a determination upon record. Then
it will be understood by all, that we ac
knowledge fealty not to the forms, modes
and shows of Democracy, but that we
have made its essential and vitalizing
spirit the supreme law of a
land. Tribune.
regenerated
J5s?Thc Dayton Journal tells a story
of a young man living in Montgomery
county, who had been a cripple from his
birth, one of his legs being crooked below
the knee. He recently went to Cincin
nati to attend a Commercial College, aud
grew morbidly sensitive about his lame
ness. He imagined that his appearance
in hobbling about oncrutches made him
repulsive, and determined to get rid of the
infirmity. He accordingly had his leg
amputated without consulting his friends,
and is now rejoicing in the belief that with j
an artificial leg, he will be able to walk
better than with the natural distorted limb.
Pride and pluck conquered the fare of pain .
JOIn the New Jersey Senate a bill
has been introdced limiting the total cost
of transportation for coal and lime to two
cents per gross ton per mile when the dis
tance exceeds fifty miles. Heavy penal
ties, including forfeiture of charter, are im
posed for each and every violation of the
law. The New York Herald says if the
New York and Pennsylvania Legislatures
will but follow this example, the plans of
the coal monopolists and railway companies
which seek to realize exorbitantprofits out
of the hard earned wages of the poor will
be effectually defeated.
A Western paper notices a curious
specimen of the handiwork of a Southern
lady a pair of knit pantaloons in crochet
work. The work was firmly and neatly
done, and the maker was Mrs. W. Jd.
Mackie, of Columbia, Arkausas. During
the blockade in that region, her husband
needed a pair of pantaloons, and as there
was no cloth to be had, she took her cro
chet needle, and with plenty of homespun
yarn got up an article equal to anything
a merchant tailor could turn out hand
some in appearance, and good for "three
years or the war."
The Methodist Church South.
In accordance with the Government plan
concerning the churches of the South, the
Board of Missions of the Methodist Epis
copal Church have sent the Rev. J- P.
Newman, D. D., to New Orleans, to take
charge of all the churches of that power
ful denomination there. A very large
audience, composed of some of the most
influential citizens, assembled on the
evening of the 23d instant, at the Caron
dalet Street Church, to extend to the rev
erend gentlemen a cordial welcome.
j&Sr-At a lively village in Illinois, not
far from Woodstock, they have a benevo
lent association, one of whose objects is
to watch with and take care of its sick
members. Last fall an unmarried youug
lady was admitted to membership. In a
eminle-of months she was blessed with a
bright-eyed babe, and was very sick. j
Rnmn of the vouner lady members
ex-
vJ f .
he really tnougnc it uiuu- uulv w viam
the unfortunate one." "Well," said he,
after much deliberation, "I suppose not.
You arc not obliged to watch where there
is a contagious disease !"
JSST- Professor Johnson says that a
pound of cheese is equal in nutritive val
ue, to two pounds of flesh. The Euro-
nna 000m tn ho "better acouaintcd with
this fact than our own poopiu.
With us
is regarded rather as a luxury,
viuuGou ij m
. ju jjjn,raud it is regarded as-one of
. . . ."1 'iv..i ii
the substantial nrumus 01 iuuu, unu ii 10
mmommon thing for the workmen
j tQ makc a fuji mcfti on broad aud
, cheeg0 alonc
SA compauy of Boston capitalists
are orecting buildings in South Bostou,
for the extensive manufacture ot piate
maumavwuiu
shim ermntv.
-r-i --i i ii
rn ovnftfttftfl nvftv from EDgland lt a lew
days.
"r" "
Who will be the Thirteenth ?
The Paris correspondent of the Chica-
go Times says there is in that city at this
time a very lovely and very charming
young lady, who is destined by an extra
ordinary fate tor go through the world
without getting married. She is a dark
beauty, with magnificent eyes, a glowing
cheek, a lively expression, a graceful fig
ure in fact, altogether eudowed with ev
ery attraction, even to that of having in
her own right 500,000, and being an on
ly daughter, with the prospect of inherit
ing millions. This fair lady is now about
twenty-six years old, and has -been en
gaged to be married twelve times. Each
time the fortunate lover has died within
a few weeks of the time appointed for the
nuptial ceremony. Yet no suspicion of
dagger or bowl can be cast upon the fair
one a dark mysterious fatality has car
ried them away. Several died of typhoid!
fever oue was killed in a duel one was'
thrown from a horse--two were drowned
two were killed by railroad accidents,
and one hung himself. The lady has sur
vived all these shocks. Thirteen may be
forher the fortunate, aud not the fatal,
number. Who will try ?
IXTELLIQIBILITV.-
the members of the
Some months since
church of L
were called together to elect a member of
the Board of Trustees.
A gcntlemaa in business as a wholesale
grocer was named as a very suitable man
for the place; but his nomination was ve
hemently opposed by another brother,
who was very zealous in the temperance
cause, on the ground that in the way of
his business he sold liquor. And appealed
to Brother Adams, one of the oldest
members present, who, from his solid and
clerical look was called "the Bishop." He
said "What do you say, Brother
Adams?"
"Ah !" said Brother Adams, looking
very grave, drawing up his cane with a
view to emphasize aud give point to
j what he had to say; "that is not the
worst ot it, (solemn shake ot the head)
'that is notthe worst of it!"
Why, Brother Adams," said the oth
ers crowding round and looking for some
others devclopement, "what else is there?"
"What else?" said Brother Adams,
bringing down his cane with a rap, "He
don't keep a good article; "I've tried it ?"
The brother was not elected.
BgFrom present indications there is4
little doubt that the maple sugar crop of
18G4: will vastly exceed that made in any
pervious year. In all probability the
crop of maple sugar at the North for the
present year will reach 25,000,000
pounds, worth, at the low estimate of
fifteen cents per pound, 88,750,000, an
important item in the sugar product of
the country.
Eg'L.As proof of the fact that girls are
useful articles, and that the world conld
not very well get along without them, a
late writer states it as a fact that if all
the girls were driven out of the world, in
one generation, the boys would all go out
after them.
JGST'Sam, didn't I tell you to let tha
cat's tail alone?" said a man to his son
who was endeavoring to elongate the nar-
1 "Well, what if you did? it's old
Brown's cat, and I'll yank blazes out of
it." , i
A Hartford paper gives the follow
ing "signs of the times" to be found in
that city: .
"Washing and going out to day's works
done here'' "Breakfast, dinner and'sup
per at all hours;" and "Saws filed and
set vj stairs."
JKSm"Why did Joseph's brethern cast
him into the pit?" asked a Sabbath-school
teacher of his class.
"Because," replied one young lady,
"they thought it a good opening for a
voting man.
JEST" A Western editor, describing the
effects of a squall upon a canal boat, says,
"When the gale was at the highest, the"
unfortunate craft keeled to larboard, and
the captain and another cask- of whiskey
rolled overboard."
tF "Teddy, my boy, jist guess how
many cheeses there are in this erebag,
an' faith I'll give 3,ou,the whole fivc."-r
"Five, to be sure." "Arrah, by my
soul! bad luck to the man that tould
ye !"
igyA horizontal water whecPhas been1
recently invented, by which parlor organs,
washing machines, mangles, sewing ma
chines, &C., may bo worked in all houses
where hydrants have been introduced.
yp3 The town of Solou, Mich., polled
just 57 votes in 1861 it has since sent
56 soldiei3 to the army of the Union,
A dish-washing machine is (ho
hst invention. It will wash knives and
forks without wetting, the handles.
Advertising for a wife, &ays'acon
temporary, is just as absurd as itwould
be to get meas.urcd for an umbrella..
rgr Patience conquers all.