JEFFERSONIAN.
jr.
Hlcuotci to politics, literature, Agriculture, Science, itloralitt), anb eueral Jntelliggice..
VOL; 23.
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. APRIL 7, 1864.
NO. 7.
THE
3L
Published by Theodore ScIlOCllt j failed, as fail it must, a stream of migra-
TERMS Two dollarsa year in advance and if no J tiori will set from the North to South
i" 1 llafc will solve this vexed question forev-
No paper discontinued until all arrearages are paid, er. I am for giving them Western Tex -excentat
the option of the Editor. i , i -R j .1 ,,1,
IT7 Advertisements of one square of (ten lino.) or ?.S to, be?m tn and lC ff l tlie Pub:
less, one or three insertions. $1 00. Each additional lie lands therein Ullder the iiomesteaa
ioertion, 2o cents. Longer ones in proportton. J jaw jf othcrs caQ do bettcr for tjienij I
j will be happy learn and co-operate. Mr.
JOB PRINTING, .'Lincoln is irrevocably committed to the
OP All KINDS, L,i; P ,:; n.l ormi'no- th ,
Executed in the highest ftyle of the Art, and on tn J r . r "
most leasonible terms. slaves. Loud cheers. lhat party 01
, Mi, mnrmo j hich he is the respected leader, in their
MEETING AT COOPER INSTITUTE. ; call for their Convention at Baltimore,
Central Union Lincoln Campaign Club i have clearly committed the organization
Address by Gen. Jim Lane of Kansas, jto crushing out the Rebellion and the
There was a very fair attendance at ' eradication of the cause thereof. "What
Cooper Union last evening, uotwithstand- further is demauded at his hands?
the unpleasant state of the weather, to shall we have a proclamation declaring
listen to an address from Jas. II. Lane of , the black man superior to the white, corn
Kansas. At the hour for beginning the manding the admixture of the races ?
meeting, the band opened with the "Sol- ;Ir. President, I am called the radical of
diers' Chorus," during the performance radicals, yet I never can and never will
of which the old veterans came upon the admit that there is any race superior to
platform, greeted by the applause of the my own, nor will I ever consent that an
whole assemblage. A sons was hrst sung, act or treason to our race snail dc ucuue
that the rank and file, who now stand a One Crimanal Clears Another. The House that Jeff Built,
living wall between us and our enemies, A highwayman who, some years ago, rob-j The Hartford Post perpetrates the follow
careless of life, careless of health careful bed three gentlemen who were traveling to- ing, with an introduction, thus:
1 !!?,! Di ! l Tntrj J hmnd gether in a stage coach, was soon after, up- The following history of the celebrated
approval, should be honored while they . .7 . , ,.c . , , T -n
live, and their memorv. when thev are n Etron ev-dence- orrested as Person ed,fic elected by J. Davis, Esq., is authen.
gone, must be enshrined in the nation's wn0 nad committed the robbery, and sent to tic. It was written for the purpose of giv-
Jieart. While relics that remain of their Jall wherei dreading bis approaching fate, mg infant politicians a clear, concise, and
families should be cared for to the utmost he grew very pensive. A fellow prisoner truthful description of the habitation and the
of the nations ability, great is the debt noticing his extreme dejection, said to him, fortunes and misfortunes and doings of the
the country owes these nen; and not this "How now friend, why do you continually inmates.
nation alone, but the suffering masses in wear that cloud upon your brow 7" To I. The Southern ConfederacyThis is
every clime and in every land owe a debt which the poor fellow replied, "that the ex- the honse that Jeff built,
to these champions of human liberty, who Dectation of the aloWH was enon(rh to mnk Tr mfc ha,w, . a..
i o ta - . 1110 1a vui tuuib mv
any man look sorrowful " "Sbo," said the lay in the house that Jeff built
other, "if that's all, cheer up man ; if you III. The Underground Railroad. This
are struggling this day to defend repub
licanism trom the attacks ot the ansto
crsts and imperialists at home and abroad,
and the latter not less than the former.
Applause. Imperialism has feared the
rising power of a nation whose citizens
are sovereigns, holding equal place in law
and in society. Such a nation rising in
her silent grandeur, unarmed and indif
ferent to the decaying monarchies of the
old world, desiring no privilege at their
Capital Answers.
A professor of universal knowledge
had a prince, who suddenly came in up
on ihe pretender, and put bis wisdom to
the test :
"So thou knowest all things," said the
king : "then tell me to-morrow morrrW
these three things only, or thou shalt lose
thy head."
"First how many baskets of earth
there are in yonder mountain ? Secondly-
how much is the king worth? And
thirdly, wh'at is the king thinking of at
the time."
The profeasor was distressed bevond
measure, and in his apartments rolled up-
will w mc handsomely, I will gct7oU off." ta the rat .hat eat the malt thaH.y in ,bo T0 X '"tiS 1 'JZ "vTll
ujviivirt Alu CC1 VftflU
"I thank you, friend," he replied, "but that house that Jeff built
is impossible; the proof is too strong against- IV. The Fugitive Slave Law. This is
me ; nor do I think I can have impudence the cat that killed the rat that eat the malt
enough even to deny the fact," (for he was . that lay in the house that Jeff built,
was not a hardened villain, this being his j V. The Personal Liberty Bill. This is
first crime,) "Well," replied the other, "if the dog that worried the cat that killed the
t a1 - I .- ... -
mum ..sacn.uiujiu. cu6 ouu6, - ------ - - nnfio w fn f,P iPf nln,sP qnnron nf ou nave no1 tne courage to tleny it, 1 have ,rat that eat the malt that lay in the house
r l'l. .1.-11 m C O fnltr nnrnf r-ifo.l nnt fn flirt dnminifltl OT . UauUb DUG IO DC ICb illUUe, WIS & SOUrCC 01 " . . ts J 1 . J
tier winuii me i. iciuuii i, v. uua. o. oiiuu- v jjv.in-vi,u, - , nnthino mnrn tn civ tn win . 1,,, t. fhit TofTJmilf
i. t 'nmr nw M fl,?c Rrtnlil?f. Tnr alarm in times of peace. But how do , nolMnS more to say to you , but no cure, no that Jett built.
tier, made some statements in respect to any other race in this Eepublic.
the organization of the Central Union
jSTor
peace.
will T nvor mnMnt nP.h w5Mi nnv n.irtv they now regard her when they see her
"i u v,tuiiii fuivii - ' " J I J 1 ... - . ., n n .1
Campaign Club. Three cheers were which advocates the intermixture ot the , quiet ohizbdb, a, uie caii 01 one or cue r
then given for Gen. Jim Lane, who came two races, as said admixtures would, I J number transformed as if by niagxc into
forwa?d amid the continued applause of firmly believe, produce the deterioration mail-clad soldiers, each one of those sol
.i i :.i. nfn,,,. ntv Mti,n,,f WrtfirnKr t.i,n , diers himself a captain, self-reliant, self-
spkkcii op gkx. james II. LANE. ' black race. I submit that agitation on j PO'sed, endowed with individuality, which
U n ,Iistintrliftl honor to hfi nnr- this suicct is mischievous, calculated to i enters luto the character of every true
mittedtoaddress so large and intelligent an strengthen the hands of our political cn
audiencc. at this important -period 'in our emies, and to excite the jealousies of one
country's historv. at the metronolis of the race asaiust the other. Crive us Mr.
, . j . - - - .
nation. VCc are here to review the po- Line
icolu as our standard-bearer upon such
litical condition of the country, prepara- a platform as 1 have indicated, and we
ry (congressional JJistnct in
tcs. renow-citizcns, x nave
tory to the approaching Presidential elec- can carry ever
tion. This is the first meetinsr, as I the loyal State
learn from your President, of your organ-j heard no name mentioned in connection j
izatiun, formed for the purpose of unit- with the Presidency of the Union party,!
hero. What must the advocates of im-
peralism think in such a case? How do
the suffering millions look with fear and
dread least in this strujrjrle ho should suf
fer defeat or our leaders tremble to our
fall ? But one thing assures me that we
shall suffer no final defeat, no overwhelm
ing repulse; it is tins, the God of our
fathers and our God is committed to the
.i . t t-. i z i . . . ; i-.i i. ii.n u i ..... f ' .. . hiiiiniiii. in iiiimii.v :i mi iii.siii:'. i jf ii.x
. . . . I . n .-.....-..-..r. . I. .-v i ." n .v. rm rvT ii firiiiEiiiriif.il :f 1 . 1 im i i: i iiiiiii i i i vm 11 - i " r' i i .1
Jllll 1111 UUUI ItO yJ A L 1 1 V'l VI I 1 . t, . 1 -
f?-York for that election, the most im- .tion: but will receive my zealous support. : Pce ourselves right on the record with
,f-f ; l,;Cfnr,r nP !, ,nm,trV,T ie ricon o w be there renresented bv Ailu, ;1UU eP ouibcives uiere, anu men,
I'WI iUIIU 111 UtCbUI J J wv-r. j- X - I i 1 1 .1 "lit II
Av-1 ..... : AiA,.;nnD T-iiMiriil m, mmnnfont rloWntos Tn 1 come what may, the issue will be well.
imt.novrtmno so ininortant as that now thcir decision I will chcerfullv acouicsce. Ihere is a future before the republic
approaching. In it is involved, in the . It is a duty, in my opinion, we owe our
opinion of your speaker, the very exist-' country. I do not envy the man or set
once our beloved country. If the noun-! of men who will encourage dissatisfaction
necs of the Union party are elected, our iu the decision of that Convention, eith
country will be restored, and a permanent ' er before or after its meeting. The can
peace secured upon the basis of uuiversal j didates of our party who fail to submit
freedom. If we are defeated, a dis-rrace- their claims to that Convention will iu-
cur a "rave responsibilitv. jNever has a
iul compromise will be the result, as cer
tain as night follows day, and we and our convention assembled, and never will one
desccn da uts compelled to mourn over a ; so important be held, as that summoned
more glorious than we have yet conceived
Let us have faith in our destiny and in
that future, for the time will come when
the principles we now advocate and now
defend, with life and fortune, will be the
heritage of every nation under the sun.
We .may uot be the chief among such na
tions, but we will have the gratification
of knowing that we were among the first,
in the providence of God, to assure a
n?sevcreu country anu
cr. fApplauscl In
decimated pow-1 to Baltimore. Should the nominee of i b.old and decided stand for the great prin-
this view, how : that Convention fail, the shrieks of pros-
rfv.f rim rncnmitr.ilitv rncf?nrr unnn fv- I trate 1' rCCUOm Would reSOUUd throughout
ry voter, and hov,' important that he the civilized world, and woe be to the
should take that responsibility home to! men who contributes to such a result.
his heart and to his conscience, ere he ! While iu favor of the nomination of Mr.
makes up his election and the manner iLiucoln, I have not assailed and do uot
in which he will exercise his suffrage. presume to assail the candidates of my
ciples of civil and
Cheers.
renirious
liberty.-
At all times the right of suffrage is sa
cred to-the true patriot, but at the com
ing election it should be excited with
more than usual caution, for your coun
try is the stake. To aid vou in comiu";
to a correct conclusion in the exercise of ther just nor politic. This battle to be
this right, permit me to make a statement: fought with ballots in November is as im
of matters that came within my personal portant as any battle to be fought with
knowledge. In April, 1SG1, I went to 1 bullets during the war. Fellow-citizens,
Washington City, whilst the hearts ofl am not one of those who fear that a
own party. Their merits and popularity
are the property of the party. To dis
parage their merits or weaken their influ
ence is a crime against the organization.
He who indulges in such a course is nei-
The Private Soldier.
If there is a being in the world who is
deserving of private affection and public
gratitude, it is the soldier who marches
as a private in the rauks of the army, to
fight for his country, and offers his blood
and life as a sacrifice for the maintenance
of the Union and the Constitution. And
yet how seldom it is that they get the
honor and reward their service entitle
them to. It is the private who carries
the gun, it is the private who marches on
foot through mud, frost and snow, it is
the private who erects bridges over swift
-.... . . . I ii . . i
men were laihng them -and perplexity o- military chit'ltain wnl be pitted against streams, and rears the lofty fortifications,
l.l l T" i i .IT T 1 V i O -1 . - '
verspreau the land. I. lounu there one Air. jjincoiu uy our opponents, ior mere an( jt js tjj
party in favor of acknowledging the mde- j is an instinct in the American mind au
pondence of the South, permitting the j verse to the elevation of a military hero
erring sisters to go in peace, hoping to jto the Presidency iu time of civil war.
retain the capital for the time being. j The fear a danger to the more delicate
There was one man, however, who, cool institutions of the country. The hand
universal of the militaey chief is ni
and collected iu the midst of
necessarily an
e private who, with the bayo
net set, charges on the deadly rifle-pits
and against the squared column of the
enemy j andyet how seldom is it that he
receives the honors and the rewards of
his noble conduct.
History tells us of the countries which
Hotel Eules at the Diggins."
The proprietor of the Reese river hotel
(according to Hoyle, who has just re
turned) had posted up the following
"Rules and Regulations.:" "Board must
be paid in advance; 'with beans 815;
without beans, $12; salt free; boarders
not permitted to speak to the cook; no
extras allowed; potatoes for dinner pock
eting at meals strictly forbidden; gentle-
excitement, resolved to retain the capital, iron hand, destitute ot that delicate sen- Alexander conquered, and the battles
even if it required an armed soldier to-sibihty which characterizes the hand o! (;.csar fbu'-ht, but after all it was the
every foot of territory within the District ' the civilian. While the people are anx- iron.hearted soldiers which ' these men
and resolved to arrest the sovereignty of ious that the crushiug grasp of an iron comn,anded. who won those victories and
the Government over every inch of land j baud should be placed on the Rebellion, conquered those countries,
in the Republic, and to recover every 'they are by no means anxious to place j so army of ancient or modern times,
fortress so rudely and ruthlessly torn : the nerves and arteries of Republican life !no aruiy which Alexander, or Cresar or
Iherefrom. Tliat man, who has never Jin such a hand till after the war is closed. Napoleon ever led, hits excelled the army
faltered in this patriotic purpose, and With Gen. Grant in i the field, and the re-! 0f Union in personal sufferings, pa
who has labored to restore the Union by ! maiuing eminent military men, either in tience, endurance, heroism ahd glorious
(he exercise of Ekillful diplomacy and ' the active support of Mr. Lincoln or ' m'tary exploits. We hope that the
:uilitary power, with signal success, is passive to the event, there is but little tj,ne may conie no njgher compli-
Abraham Lincoln of Illinois. Con tin-1 doubt of our success. Great applause. njcnt can pai,j to a citizen taan to have
tied applause. Let us review the cir- Shall it be said that this political support ; jt ga-(j 0f hjm ctjje -vas one 0f the Army
cumstances under which Mr. Lincqln : will be wanting at the hands of such Gen- j 0f tQ Union."
came into power, and learn therefrom his erals in the hour ot the country s neeur
capacity and ability for Government, lie! Will uot those noble men who are ready
was called to his high trust under cir-; to lay down their lives for their country,
cumstances the most' exciting and try- to spill their blood in her behalf, agree
ing. One half the country was in rebel-, to hold their claims in abeyance four
lion arouud him. The best military skill years longer, until returning peace strikes
in the lead of that rebellion flushed its off their harness, the hemlet is laid by,
instigators with all that confidence which; and the sword and the spear repose on
military experience gives, Jeff. Davis and : the rack, in mansion hall, as honored mo
llis associates appeared more than a match mentoes of the past until their hand
for the then inexperinced Executive of and nerves are again adjusted to the ci
thc couutry, called to the chair by a con- villian's habit and the statesman's jealous
gtituency confined to the Free States. care of constitutional provisions and stat
'There are fault-finders who complain that ute law. Iu the estimation of men of
Mr. Lincoln was slow in putting arms in- clear judgment it is best for the people
jto the hands of the black man. On that of the country to retain all the military
question I assert, fearlessly assert, that , talent iu the field, and rely on the cxist
Jie moved at the earliest moment public ing Executive for another term of four
pentimcut would permit. Had this order years. It has been said that others than
been issued at an earlier day the white , Mr. Lincolu will have the vote of the ar
soldiers would have resented it by muti- my that others are the favorites of the
My, for not, till thousands of them had soldier. I do not believe it. Applause.
been slain, and other thousands wounded The army admire and love plain honesty,
and maimed, did they give a reluctant Mr. Lincoln is a plain, honest man.
Assent to receive the aid of the black aux-; The soldiers know that their wants have
ilary; and even at this day there is a sec- been his first care; that his chief atten
tion in the Bordor States where we are tion has becu their comfort and success,
not permitted to recruit colored soldiers. That while others have been plotting for
Let a man be judged by his acts, and the Presidency, the burden of his heart
what has not Mr. Lincoln done for the and the thoughts of his mind have been
amelioration of the black man. If he employed about military success. He
has not declared himself in favor of the has not suffered those in the field to re
admixture of the two races, he honestly main without proper support. Call after
believes, as I do, that it is far better for call has been made for troops to sustain
both races that they should separate and those already in the struggle, while mon
Jive distinct under the protective care of ey has been extended without stint to as
the same Government. I may be mista- sure their success. No one can lay to
ken in the signs of the times, but I think his charge in attention, to the wants of
that so soon as the experiment now being the rank and file of the army. And here
tried to mingle the tyo races has finally may be the proper place for mc to say
pay. If you will agree to reward me, I will J VI. Chief Justice Taney. This is the
engage to get you off; and if my scheme; cow with crumpled horn that tossed the dog
should miscarry, you can but be hanged at that worried the cat that killed the rat that
last, you know." ''I have two hundred eat the malt that lay in the house that Jeff
pounds," said the robber, "one hundred of, built.
which, if you save my life, isyours." 'Agreed'
said the other, "and now all you have to do
VII. James Buchanan. This is the mai
den all forlorn that milked the aow with
is, to tell me every particular, &c, that ( crumpled horn that tossed the dog that wor
passed at the time you committad the rob--ried the cat that killed the rat that eat the
bery ; and when you are brought to the bar, ! malt that lay in the house that Jeff built.
plead not guilty, and leave the rest to me."
Then the highwayman related every word
VIII. C. Cesh. This is the man all tat
tered and torn that married the maiden all
and circumstance that he could recollect forlorn that milked the cow with crumpled
horn that tossed the dog that worried the cat
that killed the rat that cat the malt that lay
in. the house that Jeff built.
IX. Plunder. This is the priest all sha
ven and shorn that married the maid all tat-
which passed between the gentlemen and
himself.
At the assises, when the robber was
brought to trial, he pleaded not guilty. Just
at this time there was heard a great bustle
among the prisoners, which being loud enough
tered'and torn, to the maiden all forlorn that
to disturb the court, the jail keeper was call- milked the cow with crumpled horn that toss-! not lose his head."
ed upon to explain the disturbance, who ; ed the dog that worried the cat that killed
reported that one of the prisoners said he had j the rat that cat the malt that lay in the
learned the trouble and offered to appear
before the king and take his chance of
answering the questions.
The next morning tho servant, clothed
in hjs master's robes, presented himself
to his majesty, who was deceived by his
appearance and the king proceeded :
"Tell me now, how many baskets of
earth are in youder mountain?"
"That depends upon circumstances.
If the baskets are as large as the moun"
tain, one will hold it, if half as large, two,
if a quarter, four; and so on."
The king had to be satisfied, and pro
ceeded. "Now tell me how much the king is
worth?"
"Well, your majesty, the king of Heav
en and Earth was sold for thirty pieces
of silver, and I conclude you are worth
one piece."
This was so witty an escape, that- the
king laughed and went on:
"Now once more, tell me what I am
thinking of?"
"You are now thinking that you are
talking with the professor, whereas it is
only his servant."
"Well done," said the kins, "you shall
htjve your reward, and your master shall
something ot the utmost importance to say to
the judge, who immediately ordered him to
the bar, and asked him who he disturbed the
court. He then assuming a piteous counte
nance, told his lordships, that, though he had
house that Jeff built
j&taTA friend in the 107th New York
Volunteers sends us the following:
On the Antietam campaign of 1862
Spotted Fever, Gen. Gordon commanded our brigade.
Spotted fever broke out in Harrlck town-' Notf the General was a strict disciplina
shin Susnnehanna nonntv. two wfifiIrsRinr.fi. ! nan, wno wouiq never naveany woras witn
been a wicked fellow, his conscience would 'and at the last report nineteen of the resi- aPrite a"d hn jke: hileon the
. . . I i . i i -,. i t - march one of the 10 1 th cot a head of the
not permit him to let an innocent man suffer
a crime he had himself committed. Upon
which the gentlemen who were the prosecu
tors seemed disconcerted. He then address
ed himself to them, and repeated every word
that had ben passed at the time they were
robbed, and had the impudence to exhort
them to take care for the future, how they
swore away an innocent man s lue. 1 he ;
gentlemen stood reproved on his avowal of
his crime, the real culprit was acquitted, and
the other commanded back to prison till a
bill of indictment was found against him.
The real criminal was punctual to his prom-
bi
i
rijraae.
when the General halted him,
dents hafi died. in one lamily six persons
iir!i ..i i !
nau miien victims to tne disease, ana m an-: ordered him back. The soldier stopped,
Other four. A correspondent gives the fol- fnrnwl nronnrl sfjirfnr! nt. Clnnm a -cri'fri
lowing remedy : Hearing or the ravages
that the black or spotted fever is making in
your county and vicinity, prompts me to let
the people of Susquehanna county know of a
remedy that saved many lives in Vermont
over fifty years ago. The same disease broke
out there, and proved fatal, until one case
occurred in which no doctor could be had.
They tried sweating the patient by boiling
hemlock boughs and placing the patient over
the steam, and giving bim hemlock tea to
a bold, saucy look, and rcplied-
"Who are you?"
"I am Gen. .Gordon, commanding
Third Brigade."
uAh, General, I am very happy to
j make your acquaintance I" was the com
placent answer; and the soldier proceed
ed on his way, encouraged by a roar of
laughter from the General's staff.
ise to his preserver, and then made off with drink both hot and strong, which soon pro-
full speed. duced perspiration, All that followed this
When the supposed criminal's trial came ! prescription got well, and hardly a family
on, and lie was at tne bar, to the astonish
ment of the whole court, he pleaded Not
Guilty, for which he was severely reproved
by the judge, who asked him how he dare
lave the effrontery to deny a fact to which
le had pleaded guilty at the bar. To which,
with great composure, he replied, that he
md not only denied the fact but could im
mediately prove his innocense, not only to
the satisfaction of his lordship, but to the
whole court ; adding that he could prove an
alibi at the time of the robbery. "How will
you prove this?" said the judge. "Your
jailor shall prove it for me if your lordship
will be pleased to order him too look over
his list of prisoners, he will find that I was
in prison at the time the robbery was com
mitted." On the jailor's examining his
books, fie found to his satisfaction that this
fellow was brought into prison the day be
fore the robbery was committed. For his
neglect, in not examining his books, he near
ly lost his position.
went to bed without a good quantity of hem
lock boughs that could be used incase of necessity.
A Cute Lawyer.
A gentleman dying left all his estate to a
monastery, on condition that on the return of
his only son, who was then abroad, the wor
thy fathers should give him "whatever they
should choose." Wfaen the son came home
Ingenious Bodge.
"0 dear!" exclaimed Mary, throwing
herself back in the rocking chair, "I'll
never go to the Post Office again to be
looked out of countenance by all those
men standing around the halls near the
ladies' delivery. It's so provoking.
AVhat can I do, Minerva, to stop those
awful men from staring me in the face?"
"Do as I do," replied Minerva, with a
sly look, "sJioto them your ankles !"
A Cure for Scandle.
Take of good nature one ounce; of an
herb called by the Indians "mind pour own
business," one ounee; mix with a "lttle char
ity for others" and two or three sprigs of
"keep your tongue between your teeth;"
UjIt was denied, some time since,
1 T TV 1 iT .
i that Airs. JJougias was omciating as a
clerk in the Treasury Department. The.
. Washington norrnsnondnnt of tho. Wrsr.nh-
he went to the monastery, and received but j $n gayS) howeverj that passing through
a small share, the monks choosing to keep the Treasury Department the other day,
the greater part for themselves. A barrister1 1 met Mrs. Stephen A. Douglas, who is
filling the duties of a twelve hundred
to whom he happened to mention the case,
advised him to sue the monastery, and prom
ised to gain his cause. The gentleman fol
lowed his advice. "The testator," said the
barrister, '-has left his son that share of the
estate which the monks should choose ; these
are the express words of his will.- Now it is
plain what part they have chosen, by what
they keep for themselves. My client then
stands upon the words of the will. "Let me
have," says he, "that part they have chosen,
and 1 am satisfied," and he gained the suit
simmer them together in a vessel called cir-
mcu are expected to wash out doors and cumspection for a short time, and it will be
find their own water; no charges for ice; fit for use. Application The symptom is a
towel bags at the end ot the house; extra violent itching in the tongue and roof of the
charges for seats around the stove; lodg- mouih, which invariably takes place when
ers must furnish their own straw: beds . c
uio muo. iuiui.il uu oytin , a you are in company with a species of ant-
VZ-.1 SI called gossips. When you feelafit of prudent, large sparkling eyes, long black
rnniiflstftd not to take off their boots: the disorder coming on, take a teaspoonful.hair,
lodgers inside arise at 5 A. M. ; in the
07" A Chicago girl, tired of waiting for
young men who don't "propose" probably
i on account of the expense, or the preponder- i
ancc of girls since the butchery by war takes
advantage of the season, and speaks out
boldly in her own name in the " Wants "
column of the "Chicago Tribune, as follows:
"This is leap year. I'll wait no longer. So
here I am twenty-one years, healthy, pre
possessing, medium size, full chest, educated,
'Tommy said an aged grocery
store man, as his boy took down the shut
ters, 'is it cold ?' 'Awful cold, father;
the gutter is all frozen up,' replied Tom
my. 4Ah, dear me said the , benevolent
old gentlemen, 'God keep the poor such
weather as this put up the coal another
penny, Tommy
A trader, examining a hogshead
of hardware, on comparing it with the in
voice found all right, except a hammer
less 'than tho invoice. "OchI don't be
troubled," said the Irish porter; "sure
the nagur took it out to open the hogs
head with."
and as full of fun as a chestnut is of
of the mixture, hold it in your mouth, which! meat, born to make some man happy, and
bar at G o'clock; each man sweeps up his you will keep closely shut till you get home,
own bed; no quartz taken at the bar; no and you will find a complete cure. Should
fighting allowed at the table; any one vi- y0U apprehend a relapse, keep a small bot-
olating the above rules will be shot. tieful about yoU) anj repeat thc dose on the
Amador Dispatch. slightest symptom.
Smart! A nicrchaut in Belfast had O-The hat was passed around in a ccr-
at one time in his employ an Irishman tain congregation for the purpose of taking
possessed of a good deal more zeal than up a conection. After it had made the circuit
knowledge. Hjs employer gave him the nf tllA nilPt, :t WflS handed to the minister.
i i re I - 7
Key oi ms posw,mce oox one murmug, . . , , , exchantred pulDits
with directions to "go to the post omce . ' " , , , " ,
and get tip contents of forty." Wlth the r"1" pr.eacher' d T
Pa"t vanished, but presently came back a penny in it. He inverted the hat over the
with pockets, hat, and hands filled with pulpit cushion aud shook it that its emptiness
a miscellaneous collection of letters, &e., might be known, then raising his eyes to
and the explanation ? wards the ceiling, he exclaimed with great
I couldn't open forty boxes, sir, but I fervor " I thank God that I got back my hat
opened all I could, and hero they be." from this congregation!"
want a home. Does anybody want me 1"
0"5 A wealthy 'but ignorant farmer at a
recent town meeting not far from Bridge
port, Ct; moved with great dignity that "this
meeting do now adjourn ipse dixit." The
motion was amended by adding E. Pluribus
Unum, and unanimously carried.
Ml " O .f.r f f
John Sweet, out West, recently took to
wifo Mary Ann Sour. They have been ad
vised to go into the lemonade business.
0r Regret is the purgatory of grief, and
only penitential offering and holy prayers
can deliver us from it
fttjr Be just and fear nqt.
1ST A gentleman who had borrowod
money of all his friends at last applied to
an old Quaker, who said: "Friend
Fordyce, I have known several persons
ruined by tico dice; and I will take caro
not to be ruined by Tour dice.'
J&S?The last case of skedaddling is
that of a newspaper establishment in Can
ada West, that betwixt daylight and dark
lately disappeared, including press, typo,
baggage, editor and devil.
A down cast editor say3 ho has
seen the contrivance lawyers uso to
"warm up witlr tho subject. He says it
is a glass concern, aud holds about a pint.
JBSrPckin, China, has the oldest news
paper in the world. It has been pub
lished for 1,000 years, and is printed on
a large sheet of silk.
&jIt takes three months' ;pay of a
reblo soldier to buy one dollar in golcK
"3t?Pesevereac8 ensures success.