Btvotcb to politics, literature, Agriculture, . Science, illoralitij, axih aural jftitclligcftce.
VJOL 18.
STROUDSBURG, MONEOE COUNTY, PA. DECEMBER 28, 1658.
NO.. 1.
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THE CRADLE SONG OF THE POOR.
Hush 1 I cannot bear to sec thee
Stretch thy hand in vain ;
IJiave got no bread to give thee,
Nothing, child, to ease thy pain.
"When God sent thee first to bless me,
Proud, and thankful, too, was I;
Now, my darling, I, thy mother,
Almost long to see thee die.
Sleep, my darling, thou art weary;
God is good, but life is dreary.
I have watched thy beauty fading,
And thy strength sink day by day;
Soon, I know, will want and fever
Take thy little life away.
Famine makes thy father reckless,
Hope has left both him and me ;
"We could suffer all, my baby,
Had wo but a crust for thee.
Sleep, my darling, thou art weary ;
God is good, but life is dreary.
Better thou shouldst perish early,
Starve so soon, my darling one,
Than live to want, to sin, to struggle
Yainly, still, a3 I have done.
Better that thy angel spirit
With my joy, my peace, were flown,
Than thy heart grow cold and careless,
Reckless, hopeless, like my own.
Sleep, my darling, thou art weary;
God is good, but life is dreary.
I. am wacted, dear, with hunger,
And my train is all opprest,
I. have scarcely strength to press thee,
Wan and feeble to my breast.
Patience baby, God will help us,
Death will come to thee and me,
He will take us to his heaven,
Where no want or pain can be.
Sleep, my darling, thou art weary ;
God is good, but life is dreary.
Such tho plant, that late and early,
Did wo liften, we might hear
Close beside us but the thunder
Of a city dells our ear.
Every heart, like God's bright angel,
Can bid one such sorrow ccae;
God has glory when his children
Bring his poor ones joy and peace !
Listen, nearer while she Mugs,
Sounds the fluttering of wiogs.
From an Unpublished Chronicle ofa Traveler.
THE BEAUTIFUL DECOY.
It is well known to all in auy degree
familiar with the history of Mexico, that
a regular system of highway robbery ex
ints in every section of that miserably
governed country; and that through a
want of interference of the want of the
authorities, this has grown up into such
a regular aud formidable shape, that eve
ry traveler must bo prepared to put his
life at hazard at every stage, or be pro
Tided with a suitable contribution for los
nbabulleros del cammo (the knights of tho
road,) who, in the event of finding you
prepared and williug, will make their levy
with a politeness only equaled by the
smiling landlord, when ho rcceires your
tertainment. Why such systematic bold-1
ness of robborv is allowed if not with
tbe connivance, at least with rarely any
interference of the government or state
authorities is one of those mystical mat
ters which, among many others, so puz
zles and perplexes the intelligent foreign
ers, but that such is the disagreeable
truth every traveler through that wretch
ed country can bear ample testimony.
-
first called me to the Capital of Mexico, j 6i4n- 1 suPP09eI'
, ., , r - . nt fi ' I Vve were not, Senor; but the two for-
and thence through the interior ot tbe ' , . r , .
, . ... fl , T . :,i, eigners subsequently paid dearly for their
country to the northward, I met with sev-; o , 1 . J. 1 . . ,
i T-:ir i . i t i ' resistance; for in journeying back and
eral thrilling adventures, which 1 have , . . , ' . . , , J 6 . , .
,nnrAA rJZ u r. c t o 1 forth, both were killed, separate and at
recorded lor tho benefit of whomsover ( .. ' . . xt -v-
may take an interest therein, omitting rent times, near the same spot. You
only the dates, they being only non-esscn- , sQee th.,se 0T0S6e b tho Slde of the road'
tial to the interest of the narrations them-j Se, . , . ,
Bej?e8 j 'I have observed them frequently, but
The first of the series occurred on the 1 horo ho fee,m ,to ,b. mfUa ?W "J""
route between Yera Cruz aud the city of ous'' 1 rePhcd looklDS forfch from tbe ve
Mexico, lu the regular diligencia run- , nic'e . .
ning between the places just mentioned, i 'Each.stands on the spot whore some
I had taken passage, and had passed 0De has mot a violent death,' she rejoin
through tbe beatiful city of 4falapa, and ed5 aid as we go along, I will call your
entered the gloomy town of Perote, with- ; attention to those which mark tho places
out meeting with any unusual accident, where the foreigners met theirs.'
though being continually warned to be , 'Bo you know,' said I, 'that I am re
ob my guard against the danger of the solved to emulate their example, let tbe
road. At Perote, where we halted for a consequences bo what they may!'
relay and refreshments, all my fellow pas- , 'Holy saints defend us!' she exclaimod;
aenger took leave of mo, very solemnly as- 'you are not in ernest, SonorP
guriog mo that, if assailed by the ladrones, , 'Seriously so, I assure you.'
or robbers, it would be much better for me You would only bring certain death u
to take matters quietly, and suffer myself pon us both.'
tdbe genteelly plundered, than to run 'Say rather, I should lighten the ex
the risk of having my throat cut for rc- penses of the journeyfor your knights
thanked them for their advice, and re
plied that I would tako the matter into
serious consideration.
At Perote, I repeat, nil who had been
my companions from Vera Cruz took
leave of mo,' this being the end of their
'journey in that direction, but there Was
one new passenger here logo forward,
j whom, to my agreeable surprise, I found
to be a beautiful young lady, some twen
ty yeara of ago.
Scnorita Paula, as I subsequenlty ascer
tained her name to bo, was iudeed one of
, those rare beauties seldom met withexcept
in works of fiction tall, graceful, with a
! profusion of long black hair soft, clear,
j melting dark eyes features as perfect as
ever came from the hands of the sculptor,
j and with an animation the most fascina
ting, varying in expression with every
changing mood of the intellectual pos
; sessor. A glauco at her bewitchiug dark
! eyes showed me that she was one who was
naturally of social disposition; and as we
' rattled away from the gloomy town, I
took the liberty ot opening a conversa
tion. They tell me,' said I, 'that the route
between here and Mexico is a very dan
gerous one to travel.'
'There is little to fear,' she replied with
a sweet smile and in a melodious tone.
'except from the professional robbers, and
they seldom harm any but those who
make resistance.'
'It seems strange
to me,' I rejoined,
that you Mexicans suouiu tauo aueu solved to defend yourself if assailed !'
things as a matter of course, anJ deem With your permission, Senorita!'
resistance a very impolite way of treating I don't think it advisable,' she replied,
the knights of the road, instead of boldly but still if such is your intention, I think
asserting your rights, and abating the o- jt no more thau right that you should
vil by a manly spirit of resistance. For ' gjv0 me a chance to tako a part in my
myself, I must consider it the most cow- defence, since my risk of danger will be
ardly of proceeding", for auy respectable as great as yours !'
party to set out prepared to quietly grat- , And have you really the nerves, after
ify the cupidity of the ladrones, and un- all to defend yourself I' I inquired,
prepared to treat them to their just de- 'If I had the means, Senor.'
serts.' I have two pistols,' said I; 'if you will
Every traveler, Senor,' sho replied, accept of ono of them, it is at your ser
'ehould, before setting out, count the cost vice I'
of his journey, aud of course it is natur-
al he should value his life highly, it seems
to me natural that be should pay a oer-
tain sum for positive safety rather than
put mat me in jeoparay. or instance,
in traveling from Vera Cruz to Mexico,
if ho will first reokon that so much is the
fare by tho diligencia, and that so much
will be required for entertainment on the
way; and so much for the contingency
you speak ot, be will tben bave tne exact
cost between two points: and if ho will fanoy we are safe. You have another,
look at the whole as the sum total of his j0U aay ijjQ this !'
journey, he will not seeca to be robbed j produced it.
by any one party more than another.' 'What a beautiful invention !' she ob-
'That,' I replied, 'may be, I believe is,, served reaching over and takin it from
the Mexican mode of doing business, but my hand. Then extending her hands,
does not tally with the preconceived ideas 0ne of the revolvers in each, sho contin
of us foreigners.' 1 uerjt 'Armed like this, one might almost
But every one,' replied the fair speak- count himHelf safe against a host ! Yu
er, 'fchould conform to the customs of the 8aj thjs ja fjred in this manner?' she pro
country ho visits.' ceeded cocking one of the weapons as she
'And do you tben go prepared for this ohe, and pointing it towards the road,
highway robbery! and have you no fear 4 ijave a care SenoritB; or you will dis
in thus journeying by yourself!' : charge it !'
Well, Senor, what can I do! I am as ; he words were scarcely uttered, when
you perceive, an unprotected lady; who, her finger pressed the trigger, and one of
for certain reasons, am required to make tbe barrels was exploded with a sharp
the journey to Perote and tho Capital report. A minuto after aud while I was
some twice or thrice a year, and you cer- geDtly chiding her, we heard a loud,quiok
taiuly could not expect me to go prepar- tramp of horses, and several sharp, rapid
ed to resist an armed hand! As to fear, exclamations. The next moment our con
I will notdeny I have any share of that; veyance was stopped suddenly, and wo
but, so far, I have never met with any Baw ourselves surrounded by some eight
rough treatment, and of course I trust to 0r ten mounted men, of whom in a loud
tne sainis tuat my iortune win ever oc as
propitious.'
'And have you really been robbad on
your journey back and forth!' I injuired.
"1 tbmk 1 bave paid ray share to tbe
ladrones for my transit through their
country!' she laughed.
And you expect to continue a repcti-
tion of tbe same for the rest of your life!'
'Who knows!' she replied. At least I
hope to be always prepared.'
'And vour fellow-travelers:'
said I;
'b Jou never Been any disposed to re
sist these unlawful acts!
'Ouce, Senor, an American and an
Englishman, who were in the same dili
gencia with me, fired upon the robbers,
killing one and wounding two.'
'And did the robbers fire baok!'
Yes, but fled immediately, and fortu
nately injured none of our party.'
'A I should have expected,' returned
I. 'You were not robbed on that occa-
of tho road understand retreat as well as
advance and you yourself have acknowls
edo-ed that firm resistance put themto
flight for once.'
'But there were numbers opposed to
them, Senor and you are only one.'
'But fortunately 1 have a couple or re-
volvers, which, in two good hands-, a
mount to Bomo ten or a dozen shots, and
my friends have repeatedly told me I am
not a bad marksman.'
'Ah! Santa Maria! you will think bet
ter of this, Senor the very idea of re
sistance terrifies mel'
'But not the idea of robbery!'
'Because I have never met with vio
lence.' We continued to converse in a similar
strain for some time longer my fair com
panion gradually changing the subject,
, i - . . j - e
and seeming mucn mieresieu in myueu. uuumo j.uo uuugcuum uu ucu awjj
I learned that her family name was Va-,ped in a wild, gloomy place, and the dri
lerde, that she was unmarried, and thatjver was sitting earelessly on his box, ta
her father and brother were officers in the 'king everything as a matter of course.
army, and so forth, and so on: and in re-! He might also be an accomplice of the
turn I gave her my own name, stated ' robbers, or ho might not, but in either
something of my history, business and
prospects and altogether became more
communicative than I would advise any
friend to be with any stranger of either
sex in a strange oountry.
As we continued our journey, the con
versation gradually changing from ono
tmng to anotbor, benorita Paula sudden
ly brought it back to the point where it
first opened.
'We are coming upon a dangerous part
of the road.' she said: 'are vou still ro-
You aro very kind Senor but can I
fire jt j
j With ease, Scnorita;' and producing
one my revolvers, I explained to her the
manner in which it was to be used.
'And this, you say, will shoot some
half a dozen times V
'I think it safo. to calculate that five
charges out of six will explode, Senorita.'
A very formidable weapon, indeed r
sn0 replied; 'and with such I can almost
voice exclaimed:
'Yield you prisoners or die 1'
'Quick, Senorita !' said I, extending
my nana; "quicK 1 in Heaven s name give
me ono cf thOSo weapons ! for now is our
ime for deei.sivn ntinn !'
'Nay,' she replied, putting the weapons,
behind her. 'vou wilfbo too hastv 1
Let
them suppose we yield let them open
the door !'
Oh, no ! it will then be too late !'
As I spoke, the door was suddenly
thrown open, and three or four s warty,
heavily-beardod men presented them
selves to my view.
'Quick, Senorita, for the love of God !'
I cried, grasping at her arm.
'Hold 1' sho exclaimed, instantly press
ing one of my own revolvers to my head.
'Resistence is useless you are our pris
oner 1'
'Good God 1' exclaimed I porfectly as
tounded; Our prisoner did you say ? It
is not possible that ono so fair and lovely
as yourself, is in any manner connected
with these banditti :'
It is even so, Senor,' she replied with
ono of the most bewitching smiles, still
keeping one of my weapons turned a
gainst myself, and significantly pointing
the other to tbe door. 'You will obligo
us by stepping forth and giving yourself
into the care of these good gentlemen,
who will see that you are treated as a
brave man should be, but who will trou
ble you meantime for any little change
and valuables you might have to spare 1'
There seemed no help for it tho beau
tiful Sonorita Paula Valerde was a spy
and accomplice of the ladrones. She hod
entered the diligencia at Perote for no
other purpose than to ascertain the exact
condition of things inside, and be able to
signalize her associates as she passed a
long, bo that they might know cxectly in
what manner to conduct themselves and
make their work without s risk. By simple
stratagem she had obtained my arms just
at tbe point where she knew tho attack
would be made; and her discharge of tho
pistol, as by accident, was the sign to
jshow them that all was secure,
I acknowledge myself conquered by
being outwitted !' said I, bowing to la Se-
norita.
Then turning to the ladrones, who had
now collected in a body, m trout ot tuo
door of the diligencia, I continued :
'Gentlemen will you permit me to a
light and make you some valuable pres
ents ? In tho languago of your country,
all I have is yours.'
The leader of the party bowed politely
in return, and said with a grim smile :
'Si Senor,' wo shall be most happy to
receive anything which so distinguished
a traveler may have to bestow.'
With this I quietly stepped from the
'vehicle; and one quick searching glance
put me in possession of the whole state of
fr.: j:h: : v.
. case, there was little hope of assistance
from him anv attempt of the kind would
certainly bring upon him a sovere pun
ishment, sooner or later. I glanced up
and down the road, where it wound be
tween dark, overshadowing trees, but dis
covered nothing to give me any hope.
The robbers some eight or ten in num
ber, and all well armed were collected a
round me part of them mounted and otb
ers standing on their feet, holding their
mustangs by tbe bridle. Looking upon
my case a desperate one, so far as being
plundered was concerned I still retained
my prcsenco of mind, and not wholly des
paired. True, I had been outwitted, and
disarmed, and now Btood singly between
numbers; but the idea of yielding tamely
to this outrage was repugnant to my very
nature, and I resolved to put the least
favorable opportunity for defence and re
taliation to the strongest test.
'Will you accept this purse !' said I, pro
ducing one that held several gold coins,
and handing to the chief of the ladrones.
'Thank you, Senor! you are very kind!'
he said, as he took it in his hand, with a
polite bow, and chinked the money.
This diamond pin may prove accepta
ble to your friend I' I added, as I quiet
ly removed it from the bosom of my Bhirt,
and handed it to the gontleman on bis
left, who received it in the same polite
manner. 'This diamond ring I trust you
will retain as a keepsake I' I continued,
drawing the jewel from ray finger, and
presenting it to a third. 'I beg your par
don, Senores,' I pursued, glancing at tho
Senorita Paula, who, with my pistols still
in her possession, was quietly Btanding
within the diligencia, regarding the whole
proceedings with one of her sweetest
smiles. 'I must not forget this beautiful
lady, I have here,' I went on, at the same
time producing tho article, 'a very beau
tiful gold snuff-box set as you perceive
with diamonds will your ladyship honor
me by accepting this a slight token of
my regard for the pleasure afforded me
by your company and conversation V
You are a very gallant gentleman,
Senor, she laughed, taking the two revol
vers in one fair hand, and presenting the
other.
I reached the box toward her but my
band trembled a little and just 83 the
present was about to touch her fingers, it
slipped aud fell between us.
A thousand pardons, Scnorita, for
awkwarduoss V I said,as I bent down
to pick it up.
Now was the all important momont
the moment of life and death. All wore
in a measure off their guard; and one
quick furtive glance showed mo that the
girl still held my weapons carelessly in
ono hand, with thejother remaining exten
ded for the prize. I lifted the box care
fully; but as I raised myself, I gave a
wild, starting yell; and as tho Senorita
started back, I with tbe quickness of
lightning, seized both weapons, and
wrenched them from her.
To wheel and commence firing upon
the party, was now only tho work of a
moment;. The first Bhot fortunately,
stretched out the chief; the second took
effect on the one nearest to him; when
the third had boon sent on its mission
there aroso one simultaneous yell of dis
may, a-nd the astounded robbers began to
scatter in every direction. 1 bad no dis
position to follow them, however, another
minute they might rally and turn upon
me; and springiug forward, I grasped tho
rains of a freed mustang, and vaulting
into the saddle. One more glanco around
me showed me tbe Sonorita Paula upon
the body of the chief, her laughter had
been changed to grief, and some of the
soattered cowards bringing their weapons
to bear upon me.
'Adios Senorita, and Sonorosl' said I
bitterly; 'ho laughs best who laughs last!'
The next momont I was dashing away,
down the road, tho half rallied robbers
pouring after me a volloy,but fortunately
not touching their mark. Thoy would
doubtless have followed me in hot pursuit,
but for tho wholesome dread they had of
my still undischarged weapon. As it was
t i j i .1 !,- f T)..
iwuiu, auu wu
bla in triumph; where it is almost need-
, ,,p ' .s - -l-:.
less to aaa a D.rr.u. u e.j exp.ou
made me a hero and a lion for the time.!
Here I sold my captured mustang for
what I had disposed of in the way of presJ
ents, and tho next day saw me inside pas-1
senger of the same dilligenciaewrowfc for'
n t ... i . :.U-s..t
mexico, woere i arnvcu in saieiy w.iuuut
'.any farther event worthy of note
What become of the robbers and their
beautiful accomplice I never learned; but
the lesson taught mo on that journey I
have never forgotten; during the remain
der of my stay in that country, no pretty
woman ever had the honor of being my
business confidante, or getting possession
of ray trusty and unfailing revolvers.
A Lesson for Suicidal Lovers.
Richard Gould, a journeyman harness
maker of Cincinnati, has himself been
harnessed by Cubid and driven to the
very gates of desperation. His enslaver
is a young lady named Charlotte Mat
thews, whose mother keeps a boarding
house on Elm street, and who appears to
have made up her mind to some more
brilliant alliance than that offered by Mr.
Gould. But as Richard had a very good
opinion of his own merits and qualifica
tions, he judged that Charlott's coolness
was mere coquetry, believing that when
it came to the scratch, she would cave in
at a moment's warning.
He resolved to melt at onoe the soul of
the playful nymph, and to surprise her in
to an avowal of her real feelings. For
this purpose be proceeded, about 20 min
utes past 5 o'clock yesterday afternoon,
to the dwelling of Mrs. Matthews, and
stretched himself out upon tho front door
steps, holding in his hand an empty phial
upon which he had pasted a labal of
"strychnine."
'Now there will be an affecting- scene
when my captivating Charlotte comes out,'
soliloquized Mr. Gould, as he closed his
eyes and composed his features to a corpse
like immobility. Presently Miss Mat
thews appeared at tho door with a broom
in her hand for tbe purpose of sweeping
tho steps. On seeing the inousubent
Richard, she uttered an exclamation of
surprise, and then tried to stir him up
with the broom-stick; but finding that he
did not move, she called out "Mother,
mother, here's Dick Gould coiled up on
our steps, and I don't know what ails
him." "Dead drunk I guess," said Mrs.
Matthews, as she also came to the front
door. "Now, I'll declare if he hasn't
kicked the bucket in reality," said Char
lotte, spying the bottle, and taking it out
of Gould's hand. "See tho fool has been
taking strychnine." "Poor soul 1" sigh
ed the benevolent old lady; "how natural
he lookB !" "He looks about as well as
he did when he was alive,'- observed
Charlotte, "and that's not saying mueh
for his beauty. He never could hold a
candle to Jimmy Hickman at any time."
This Mr. Hickman is a spruce young
clerk who boards with Mrs. Matthews,
and who happened to come homo at that
very juncture.
Wh en ho saw the supposed corpse,
James offorcd to go for the coroner to
hold an inpuost over "the poor devil," as
he called Mr. Gould. "Well I don't like
tho notion of having the coroner and jury
fellows poking about here," said Mrs.Mat
thews. "No," added Charlotte, "just drag
the nasty creature on the cellar door of
the next house, Jimmy, and then wash
your hands and come into supper."
Mr. Hickman took tho corpse by the
feet, to do as he was directed when Gould
dealt him a kick which doubled him up
like a jack-nifo. Tho ladies shrieked,
and Mr. Gould, starting up, was begin
ning to upbraid Charlotto for her hard
ness of heart, but tho arrival of a police
man interrupted his oratory, and be wal
ked away a "sadder and a wiser man."
Cincinnati! Gazette.
"Who made you I" inquired a lady
teacher of a lubberly boy who had lately
joined the class. "I don't know," said
he. Don t know ? lou ought to be a
shamod of yourself, a boy of fourteen
years old. There is little Dickey Filton,
he is only three, ho cau tell, I dare say,
Come hero, Dickey who mado you I"
"Dod," lisped the infant prodigy. 'There,'
said the teacher, triumphantly; "I knew
he would remember." "Well, ho ought
cr," said the stubid boy, " 'tain't but a
little while ago since ho was made."
Creosote on Warts. Dr. Rainoy of
St. Thomas's llospitpl, London, has fur
nished a communication to Tho Lancet,
detailing the effects of creosoto applied,
among other iustances, to an obstinate
warty cxcresscnce on tho finger, and then
covered it over with a piece of sticking
plaster. This courso ho pursued every
three days for two weeks, wheu.on exam
ination the wart was found to have dis
appeared, leaving the part beneath it quite
healthy.
jjgyOnc of our western villages passed
an ordinance forbidding taverns to sell
liquor ou the Sabbath to any persons ex
cept travelers. Tho next Sunday every
man in tho town was seen walkiug around
with a valise in ono hand aud a pair of
saddle-bags in the other.
A lad at school, being asked to name
tho four seasons, promptly answered,
Pepper, mustard, salt and vinegar."
mr It is proposed to light tho streets
r f . . A frnm
'of a vi laao not a thousand miles from
- - red.headed girls. If we
"s" " -. . n. ' A ,
thcfr.ee' J'
an bug tho lamp-posts,
'
ICT During the present -season 231-
TSfi hnna ltfion Viaon t.-lllnrl fit TiOlllSVllle.
Und 213,161 at Cincinnati.
" w ---- -
The Wrong Foot Foremost.
"Why didn't you awaken me at seven
o'clock, Mrs. Sweet? Here it h fifteen
minutes past, and I desired particularly
to bo early this morning. I've more bus
iness to-day than I can attend to. You
thought you wouldn't histurb me, becausa
I said in tho night that I had a hoadachel
i Well, I don't know that headaches are
expected to prevent paper from maturing
nor banks from closing at three o'clock.
There goes that buttou! Are my buttons
never to be sewed on so that they will last
through more than ono washing! This
shirt tajigrribly ironed. Tell Bridget if
she doesn't do my bosoms better, you
must look out for another girl. Any
thing but such linen as this on a gentle
man! I do- not want that black suit this
morning. Cannot you see that it's going
to rain! You don't think it will! There
never was a woman yet with clear enough
reasoning faculties to be a good judge of
the weather. Give me my gray clothes,
and be quick about it. John hasn't half
blacked these boots. I'll ring him up
and make him do them over. What's
that! If it's going to rain, you don't see
what difference it will make. I do not
know that it is any reason why a gentle
man should not bave bis boots polished'
because there is a possibility of it3 rain
ing. Supposing it should clear off, how
do you think I would look then!
"Isn't breakfast on the table yet!
Waiting for me twenty minutes, has it!
Humph! a palatable meal it will bo, I
am sure. What's that I smell! If you
do not wish to spoil every morsel of ap
petite that I have left, don't tell me that
it's hot buckwheat cakes! a dish only fit
for a well man, and my stomach is horri
bly out of order. No, you needn't order
any toast; I'll cat these, feeing they'ro
here, and of course I'll have the head
ache all day to pay for it. Jamie, bo
quiet, sir! you can't have any more but
ter it's not good for little boys. Here,
Kitty, take this little tiger from the table.
I'll have no screaming here. Mrs. Sweet,
if you strove as you ought to, to make
his home pleasant to your husband, ho
would not be disturbed in this manner,
at what ought to be one of the plcasant
est periods of the day.
"What's that my little dear! Bring
you the big wax doll I promised you.
No, not to-day. Little girls mustn't be
so extravagant. Your old doll is plenty
good enough, and pappa doesn't fee! rich
this morning. Be thankful you've got
bread and butter, and do not think about
new dolls.
"What would I like for dinner? I do
not know that I can so long beforehand.
If I fool no more appetite than I do now,
I shall not want much. I've forced down
eleven of these cakes, because there was
nothing more suitable upon the table. If
I've a return of my dyspeptic attack, I
shallknow who to bjameforit. I might
send round one of those little roasting
pigs we saw last evening, if I was sure it
would come to the table icell stuffed with
plenty of current-jelly and maccaroni,
with cheese.
"You thought of going down town to
day, but will put it off if I am not pre
pared! A round about way of asking for
money, I suppose. There's my parse;
just take what there is only, pray, leave
mo a sixpence to pay tho omnibus. I'm
just as well prepared now as I shall be
for a mouth and as for aakins a woman
to wait a month, when the's made up her
mind to go chopping, a man had better
ask the earth to stand still. The mania
for shopping is the curse of domestic life.
A woman must buy every pretty thingsho
sees, whether she needs it or not. And
with all their extravagance, I never yet
saw one of the sex who looked really
comfortable and genteel. Their skirts
are too long or too short; their sleeves are
too wide or too narrow; their bonnets
poke out like a charcoal wagon, or hang
on their backs like a lo3t flower basket;
they are as lank as a fence-rail, or as
puffy as a balorn; their waists are squeez
ed into their hips, or hunched under tbe
arm pits; they aro bedizened, bcfrilled,
befurblowcd, bepuffed, until men are -a-sbamed
of them in tho saloon, laugh at
them in tho streets, and dread them in
tho cars and stages; they try to see which
can be silioet, whioh can attract the
Meroy on us, Mrs. Sweet, do you see that
child? Fairly crawling on to the table,
and the cream-cup upset on the carpet!
they cannot even give due attention to
their own off You thought I was iu a
hurry this morning! Well, supposing I
am, am I to be driven off withmy break
fast half eaten! Don't be in such a hur
ry to get rid of your beloved don't! I
suppojo it's unpleasant to hear too much
truth.
"There's that bran new silk umbrella
gone, that I bought only the last storm,
and nothing to be found of it! And now,
of course, it will rain it always does
when a person has no umbrella! Say,
wife, if Jones should call here to-day f6r
that subscription I promised him, tell
him I've made up my mind not to givo
anything. I don't believe in societies
they're bumbugafro.m- beginning to end!
And do try and?4eilttla mare amia
ble upon my returs XWlkas f you
was going to say somcthi8Htfp;"aod,
of all things, preserve 'e-frofa a fretful
wife! This fretting frettingfretting,
all the time, is enough to drive a mau
mad. Well, good morning, my love.
Of course it won't rain, now Pve-got my
old clothoa ou!"