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JDmitcirto J?olitic0, Citcvaturcr msvjtutturc, Science, Itqralitu, curt -(Scncral intelligence.
It U:
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. DECEMBER 24, IS57.
VOL 18.
NO. 1.
Published by Theodore Schoch.
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' i
A.T TirE-'OFFICE OF
TO EJEF FERJOS IAN.
.Mi
Psipeivflnzigca,
.HOUSE AND
SIGN
PAINTER.
Shop.n Aurae icrsbuildin, on Lhz-
abeth street, S roudAurg, Pa., where
ruay bo had at all times
J . .
Sash, Doors, Blinds & SMitfcrS,
rhich will be sold at the lowest rates.
Call and examine before purchasing
elsewhere. j
.... r
THE EVENING HEARTHSTONE.
Gladly now wc gather round it
For the toiling d-iy is done,
And the gray and solemn twilight
Follows down the golden sun;
Shadows lengthen on the pavement.
Stalk like giants through the yloom,
Wanders past.the,diisty casement.
Creep around the fire-lit room ;
Draw the curtain, close the shutters,
PJace the slippers by the fire
Though the rude winds loudly mutter,
. What care we lor wind-spit's ire!
"What care we fur outward seeming,
Fickle Fortune's frowning smile,
If around us love is beaming !
Love can human ilia beguile.
'Ncuth the cottage rude and palace,
From the peasant to the king,
All are quaffing from Life's chalice,
Cubbies that enchantment briu"-.
Grates are glowing,
music flowing,
From those lips we love best
O I the joy, the bliss of knowing
There are hearts on which to rest.
Hearts that throb with' eager gladness
Hearts lhat echo to our own
Willi what care and liaunting sadness
Mingle ne'er in look or tone.
Cate may tread the halls of daylight,
Sadness haunt the midnight hour,
But the wiered and witching twilight
Bringn the glowing hearthstone dower.
A'ter of our holiest fcelm''?,
Chi Jdhood's u ell-remembered shrine,
Spirit yearnings, soul re;ca!ings,
-'Wreaths immortal round tiiee twine.
Almost a Duel, Or
- THE JEALOUS xAILCHS.
BY SVLVANUS COBB, JIl.
' Jared Millikcn was the tailor of Cly
tbwn. fJiUe was a young man, hut an ex
cellent tailor. The people ITked his fits,
and his custom was on the increase. Ja
red eat upon his board all alone, with
part of a coat on his knees, aud his thim-' He'pnt away his goose, and then put on
ble upon bis finger; but Jared was notat jhs cravat and coat. After this he com
work. His head drooped, and his bosom 'pocd the raging tempest that worked in
Leaved. Ever and anon a low sigh would u,a sou'. as well as he could, and then
escape him, and his hand would be press- j walked forth. Ho turned his steps now ,
ed uoou his heart- Ah. Jared was in'n misery, as he had so many times turn- '
love. He was deeply, pa-siouately in
love. But he was not uubannr. No. no. '
far from it. The
promised to be hi-;
MM. . . - -iiil
charming
o-irl had!
or at least.
he looked
talked to
upon it as a promise
II.
had
tier of love, and she had smiled andsoo-
k'en of love in return. Aud theo he bad
tasted the necter of her sweet lips. Yes,
he had kissed her ,a hundred times and
she had kissed him in return i
jSo Jarcd Millikeu was very happy.
If. he sighed, it was for love; and if he
h'ad'a wish unfulfilled, it waathat he were
already married.
Thus Jured sat when the door was un
ceremoniously thion.n open, aud a man
ectcred. . lie was a Muall-sized man, but
" i . . - ' I f .1 . .... T
-ctaman. auu. as ipr mat matter oar
d was sninll st7.id ton. 1
''How d'ye do?' said the new comer. l6weet loving -kissi dareu saw it an, ana
'Eh, Jerryis it y.ou?' cried Jared,, tben he turned away,
throwing aside the part of a coat overi On on on walked Jared Milliken;
wjych be had been. sighing. bis brain on fire, and. his soul in a temp-
Yes, jt!s me.' , . t Jiest?. On on on on, to the bank of
:Why, Jerry Hopkins! I am" glad to : Blytown River! The dark tide rolled
ce ye!' 'ullenlyoo, for the sun was down, and the
'Aud I am glad to see Jared Milliken deep shadows fell aslant the cool waters,
returned Jerry Hopkins. Jared placed bis hat upon the sand, and
Now, Jerry flopkins'was a tailor, too. then removed his coat. His cravat was
He was the tailor of Bimtown. Bimtown taken off, and as he laid aside bis vest,
wai only 'fifteen miles awav. aud a stage
ran irpm Diyfjwn to iS uptown twice a
week.
'How s business?' asked 'Jerry.;',
'Prettv ffood ' returned Jard. How
f fl. - ...
is it wiUi you?'
'Never was. better. But what has hap-
r,nbnA 'enrt f
gluoYAvKcn I came in.
11 i .Tilll i
UbUUl - lUVWtjUV IU uv. V Vl
-vriumi "x-ooui - .. -
Plh! T sirlti1!- lfriAfii ftt'if YTAiit hminncc
nr. r-7 A 7
verfwas btterln lhe
'What's thp,afewfi?J
Ji.'l
u '
i'-'Oh, "nothing strange. -Tin the newest
"""fe . .
Jared looked at his visitor, and there
. . f i OOIint,AnftnH-
-r--j
For some time,
le. me cuuvursauou turuuu
C L -. t'l fi 11
upoiuiiiauun'Ui uusiuum, uuui uuuuy,
hGrG enme a silence which was at length
lI,cre caine a sueuce, winou was at itngsu
broken by Jarcd s asking.
f .What, brought ye up into this section?'
Ah. said Jerrv. with a dubious shako
of the head, 'you'll laugh at me.'
'Laush? No. I ahant laugh. What was
. .
-
iw
4 It was a female.
i Aoa-aua-ua, he. lauhea J arcu. Ana
. ' ' . f . . . .
ha, ha jou been and did it Jerry. Uho,
'
why why Jerry Hopkins you've
ind foltowed mo.' r.
ucen anu
.You aid you wouldn't laugh, you Ja
red Millikcn.'
But I couldn't help it, Jerry.i You've
been and followed me. Aha', ,ha, ha!
You've done well! But say who. is she
'Jerry?'
'You must know her, Jared.; Shc bo
i i I?.. :.. .. r.
o Hopkins, he U a treas
B Shortfat oS dimpled ..cheeks
. , . o i t , . .,
and chin; blue eyes; golden hair, teeth
pearly skin all rose and lilly; laughs
Hkc an angel, and is as happy as the days
aie long!'
Jared Millikcn looked very much flur-
nriscd. His visitor had described his
;own charmer to a point. His-angel was
! exactly like the one Jerry had so glow-
. mgly pictured.
'What d'ye think ofhcrl' asked Jerry.
'Why she must be a ju&t the mate
for ye. But what's her name?'
'Aha that's telling. But you must
know her.'
'Never mind. Tell me her namcj'
'Well her name is Lizzie Pingleton.'
Jared Million turned as pale as death.
It was the name of his own angel!
Why, what's the matter, Jaredl' asked
Jerry in astoni.-bment.
'It's a it's only a touch of the cbolio.
I have it awful. Oh! 0! Oh-a-o-o! shall
be b.-tter soon.'
'Well, I'll see you again. I'm in a
hurry now. I havn't called at Mrs. Pin
glt ton's yet. How is the old lady!'
Ildon't knoicJ' thundered Jared in fu-
My eyes! Why, you're terrible, Jared.'
'ItV the cholic. I tell ye. I shall be
better as soon as I'm alone.'
'Jerry Hopkins wanted to bonr no moro
aud telling his friend that he woukl call
in again to-morrow, he took his leave.
As soon as the door was closed, Jared
leaped on his feet, and clasped his hands
above his head, throwing himself into just
the position which Ajax assumed when be
defiud the lightning.
Ye Gods!' he cried with magic power.
'And has it come to this?' Mu-t I see
my beloved caught away by such a thing?
Shall a miserable tailor of Bimtown steal
away from me my love? Shall Bimtown
.-end forth a curse upon me! No! never!
Bimtown may kt-ep its tailor, but it sfcall
not receive among its wives the idol of
my soul! Never! never! He love Lizzie
Pinlftou! He, the Bhutmc?i Tailor!
By the powers of earth, of air, of water,
aud by the spirits of darkness, too, I
swear, that Bnu town's tailor shall uot
leave this land alive, if he thinks to wrest
from me the hand of
my adored one!
Hear me, e winged
it!
Death! death! before dishonor!'
Jared looked out upon the green earth,
and he saw that the &un was almost down.
ed them in bis seasons of hope and prorri-
lse- tle walked toward the house where
Iitrr
lved his charmer aud her widowed moth- ,
er. ,;Could it be posMble that that charm-
er foithles? Wait
iar,ea reacuea me uouse, anu ne turn-
ed bis gaze up to the old piazza. There,
upon the long settee, sat the Bimtown
ta''or an n's B'de sat yes was'
lt was Lizzie- riogletonl Ub! what a
blow! Jared looked be looked long and
eagerly. He saw the whole scene! The
faithless charmer rested her. head on the
Bimtown tailor's bosom, and the Bimtown
tailor's arm was about the faithless char
mer's waist.
Then the Bimtown tailor kissed the
faithless charmer, and tho faithless char-
1 T . - 1
the cool breeze of evening struck his heat-
ed bosom. He stopped and meditated.
'Shall sleep to night within the em
brace of your dak tide? No,. I'll see
T'll nml cnnnL- ll'Wll hflT Sllfl
1 1 1' I i i ii r t. r- L 1 1 L. n 1 1 u u r. iiibu uvu . T .
shall i;now what fury
she has stirred to
Hfo .within this soul, ere
nfl.rt.lllv lifer
I bid adieu to
J .....
With this decision, Jared walked back
i t ri j:j i. kto Vioorrl.
to uis (suop.. ne uju uutuu i.um -
inn nlnM f I. r trtitlrl nrht naf. llG 8
iL
! . L Z . Wi , till U n mnnn oriwn. Til (
went down, and just as he reached the
j it. I n ,Uno .Torrv
Hopkins!
' 1 ' - . I I . . .
Jared's "fists WCfo 'eleDCUed,
and bis teeth were set. But he restrained
: liimsfllf. " FTe did not annihilate the Binl-
, . - t , ."
town tailor tuen. , ,
j T'H 00 tO the presence of the fuitllleSS
. ,,, - . . -.-
vuv. uu luuucitu. n,.... -
step
I I. ..1 I .........
uu uasigucu uivuj.
tie reached the gate lhat opened' to the
1 widow s yardj and there he hesitatea.
'But why should be.fearr' Ho'had been
deeply wronged. lie ascended to the pi-
azza, and Knocked at the door. Xiizzic
' herself answered the summons.
i . r . . ti
Why, Jared, bow do you dot lm
glad to see you. Coino ,ain, t you com-
ing mi i m aioue.
T it
darea was puzziea.
Could
Lizzie, be
a hypocrite Could she be, so kind to him
, with tho Bimtown tailor's, kisses fresh u-
pon her lips?
Ho walked
in and took a
seat. t.
'Miss Pingleton,' he said, , choking some
but gaining courage as he proceeded, Jer
ry Hopkins is in, town. Perhaps you
know Jerry?' , . a , , . . nt . ...
I have beard of him,' returned, Lizzie,
in surprise; and I have.seen Jiim a fe.w
times.' . ; i ' .
You have seen bin.tpdayJLiz--a
Miss Pingleton. You .have.seen him to
Weil, Mr. Milliken, what of it?'
'What of it? Can voii ask me what of
it? I passed here just as the sun was sink-
ing to rest, i passeti uere ana i saw a
sight that made my heart ache.' . ,
'What did you see?' s
'Do you not know what I saw?'. , ,
Surely not.'
Then I'll tell you. . iisten: I saw
Jerry Hopkius upon, your piazza a fe-;
male was by bis side her head upon bis
bosom hiB arm about her waist they
were talking of love he kissed her upon
the lips, and she she returned tbem!
Oh! do you ask me now what I saw? Ob! Hopkius whipped out a cutlass, and Jar
what a blow! Where now is your faith? ed took a step back,
where your bonor? Oh! Lizzie wretch! 'You daresn't go right down to the
vixen! deceiver! breaker of my heartl' widder's now, cried he of Bimtown, star
Lizzie Pingleton smiled, and turned a- ting forward under the force of the
way her head, aud it was somo moments thought.
ere she dared trust herself to speak. But 'Yes, I dare it, returnod Jared, leaping
finally she said, in a penitent tone, back under the fear that the other's sud
Jared my dear J ared, I am sorry you
have suffered 1 did not .mean to wrong
you, indeed I did not. Pardon
time.'
me this
o
Then you don't love. Jerry -Hopkins?
"7"-v n ln'f nnra fVv f :T-J i m t Airn oilAr?'
'No, indeed, I do not.'
And you won't kiss him again?'
I won't if I can help it, but
'But what, Lizzie?'
'If he should ask me some time?:
He
might bother me, and I couldn't help it:
What: aoes ne lorce himseit upon youi
Hoes he annoy you?7
I fear be will.'
'Leave him to me!' cried Jared, start
ing to his feet. 'I'll settle his hash! By
the total sum of the never-ending Jeru
salem! I'll annihilate him! Bimtown 8
tailor shall be among the things that were,'
but ain't now!' '
Lizzie thanked Jared for his magga-
ma ujuguiv
SJ Sent 9$p
i ditfg-Jtlie--
U9UIU1UU3 piUUgU, UUU LUU11 tUO
to the subject ot love, she avoi
other subject. "
At nine o'clock Jared arose to depart.
l.ivrtA n nn n m nnnipri hitn t r tYa rrnin
where they stood and talked-a-while lon
ger. The moon was shining brightly,
and Jared urged his charmer to go and
arm about her, aud drawing her upon
hiB bosom, he gave her a smart kiss.
The "harp report nad juh oroKcn upon
the air whan Jared started at the sound
m I - t
of a, step close by, and upon lobking up,
whom should he
lor!
ee but the Bimtown tai-.
'Lizzie!' gaspped Jerry f Hopkins, in a
frightened tone
'Co away, Mr. Hopkins..
Go
.away,
sir, 'she said promptly.;
Aye go aw.ay. irj.and on .the.mqr.,
row 1 will e y'ou sir .!' pronoun cedtJ.ar-.
ad, deeply and threatcuiugly. ,
j,ne poor uptown, tailor gave one
lhe poor Bin-towj). tailor gave one.
more earnest gaze iutoLizzie'.a face,; as
tbougb.be would assure himself thatjhe
was uot mistaken, and then be .turnqd a
way, and was soon lost Annd&t the distant
foliage.
Lizzie evaded all her lover's, questions,
only giving him sueh answefs-ai, b'e could
make nothing" of; but when 'she cbuspnfed
to walk1 a short ditarice,-'he forgot all qis
jealousy
On the following morning Jared Mil-1
G rj t
liken arose early. He .-lept in his'sho'p,
60 be was ready for visitors a't an early
hour. ' ''y ' '
.'I think tbe-Bim town tailor is'a coward
he said to hiuiselft1 ''I thtnk the1 very
sight of a pistol wOuldstarb him out of
his boots.' .
Jared resolved to ,act upon i this! idea.
He never oncg thought that Hopkins
might cherish the same thought. . He
had a pair of pistols; an enormous pair,,
a pair bp had taken for a, bad debt-j. He
ouce made a false sut for Mr. SKvha
way Slambang. and .those-pistols were all
he ever got for bis navHe 'brought thorn
forth'?from an bid client, but ttfe MVhtL"of
them did not terrify him, as tiiP&ne'w they'
WPTO ft f) f .' 1 ft .T ff P 1 FT liorl n d o b k . U J'.l
w .
lie tied a 9asb 'irouti'd
bis waist; and having-stuck tbe'liu-re wea
pon beneath it, he" piiiTed; bis hair "dowo1
so as to give his face a-strangeook'and
I .1 ...ol.ln. L' I. . I . . .
BB Kllu& 5W.a JIM, M startea
IOrtD. ,
i , . . . .' ? i. j
ilalGU laiiiiabuiaiiuuu auijo;tuu VII-
k ns. J be two tailors .recognized, eac
.V.I I ..li..i..n..ll .. .1 at lh. ...
'OtUCr simunaucwu.j, uu a sami;
n laire green, and was .passinff.intoHbe street
when he.came plvump .jRAnjt Jerry Mm,
moment each gavo a frightend .-tart back
wards. Jared's two great pistols looked fierce
enough; but not-a.whit more so than didj
the two enormou. cutlax-es which Hop
kins wore 'suspended upon one belt.
'.Take carp!' gasped he of .Bimtown.
a cutlass with a ciuaking hand.
A Vi-n.n- IJinh mil I Viirst. frnm tVio nnln .
lipfTof him of Blytown, at the same time
managing to get a pistol from his sash.
'W-w-w-ha-hat you want ? stammered
Jerry Hopkins,, retreating, a step, and
holding the ponderous cutlasses up be
fore him.
I I-a-a-want fo talk to ye.
Then put up your pistol.' t
'I will if ye'll put up your sword.'..
The weapons wero put up, ;andL both
men breathed more freely. , " ,'
, 'Now, what ye got to say V ' , t .
I want to know what for.'ye, plague
my girl?'
Who do you call your girl I
. 'Lizzie Pingleton.' . ,. : , ,-.v !
'.-'She's my girl.' ,,. . ,
. '' Your girl ? She is mine flu Sbe's my
promised wife, persisted he. of Bimtown,
with snapping eyes.
'Did you see a girl with me, last night?
asked Jarcd.
Yes. I seen my girl with ye.4 And
I seed you kiss her 1
'And I seed you kiss her yesterday af
ternoon. You was standin' on my piazza.
'Sartin I was; and don't that prove
that she's my girl ?
'No. It proves that you was a tryin'
to get away my girl.
. Your girl 1 D'ye s'pose Lizzie Pingle
ton 'd have anything to do with you ?
She knows better'n that.
Jared could'nt stand this. He drew a
pistol, and took a step forward. Jerry
den advance meant mischief.
'Then come on. By the piper's cone,
we'll have this hash settled 1 I know she
kissed you lat night, for I seed her; but
that was only to wool5ye. Lizzie Pingle-
ton knows too muob-f Come on!
And away they went. Both were con
fident, and both were very wroth. With
steps as long as two such little men could
take their strods on, Jared's pistols drag
ging wearily-upon him, while the steel
scabbards of Jerry's two cutlasses clan-
ged together with a
ring that sounded
far and wide.
1 At length they reached
the widow's
cot. ihey approached, and both rapped
in concert. Lizzie came to the door
Ah good morning, gentlemen. Walk
mWill you have have Aha ! ha-ha-HaHo-bo-ho
e-e
j ' A'nd agin the bright eyed girl 'laughed
;tiH'.'8he was faint.
iwjuBne was mine.
l VMjss Pingleton, spoke he of Bimtown,
m:ST-athe"mamng of tiiis r
'No, no, you mustn't ask me anything,
sbe replied; and then turning towards the
hall, she cried out, in a loud and merry
tone.
'Lizzie ! Lizzie !
What! came from a distant apartment.
Here cbale and take care of your tail
or! 'Come quick! He's got deadly
weapons with hiui, and looks as savage
a a meat axe 1
In a ,few moments more light feet were
heard nattering upon the floor, and soon
a" second girl made her appearance. But
who was she I A ghost.f Surely she
must have been. She was a Lizzie P, in
glcton. Jerry looked, and Jerad looked,
There stood Lizzie and there stood Lizzie.
'Phpv worn two nrif? vtt. flinv aonmnrl
but one. Which is which ?
' WhJiciris yours, jafed ? a.kcd one of
them, smiling.
Poor Jared lnnknrl firt nnnn nnn nnrl
' then upon tho other, and gradually the
truth burst upon him.. Ho knew that
Lizzie had a eisbr, but. ho did not know
that she was , a Iwih sister, heqver bav-
int.'. seen her before. But he becan to do-
'.tect a'-dfffere'nce. 1 ,
y0u are niind, he saidholding out his
band to the one who had answered their
summons. . i
a 'Yes, Jared, yours fully and ferever,
she, replied, giving him her hand.. .
,,'And you are mine, .cried Jerry Hop-
ikins, turning to the other sister.
'Xcs, 1 11
I. be as true to you as my sister
can be to J
ared, sbo said, allowed, him
to draw her upon his bosom.
JEre Jgng the .eqima wastsolved. Eliza
and Elzabpt)i Pjuletoa were twins, ;and
so ne,ar ajike where they in form, in Bjze,
in fcaturo, and. in voice, that their most
intjmate friends were often at falt when
the. sisters, were apart,
, Some years before EJjza bad gono to
Bjmfowp, to work,in a relatives family
there; and thgre Mr. Hopkip3,ba,d,wopod
and wonder. . j
iJaredihad often board his Lizzie speak1
of her sjster Eliza, but he had never seen!
beore, ho.haviug been in Blytown only a
. ' J J
few years. The people with whom Eliza J ui'' "U"V'- . - p-"",
lived like the name;of Lizzie, Bo they had business. Remember that are in the hab
called, her thus: and thus sho as called' lfc of bobbing around.
in Bimtown. ; Ir' rt "r T" ' ,tjl ,
Ant poor Hopkins, bad been as igno- ingcribfng'a-v used up horse 'd eal I
ranti'asthadi Millifeen. He-bad. followed er sa;idshc looked as if he hadibeencdit'-
EJiza 1 irpm.j?3imtqwn,ac.cQrdlng tp?
.angemontiwUh her, and -when -.he. called!
.upgorfirst.jajjljer jmp.lherlsj bduse.-her.r
sister was out, so ho didnot sed (Ter.
He sat!upon the piazza with bis own char-
mcr, and thus Jared had seen him. La-'
ter in the evening, when Elizabeth came
home, Eliza went out; so Jared saw his
owbcharmer, and bhe, wieked girl that
she was, saw bis error, resolved upon
sports
But all was joy now. These two tail -ors
cast aside-.their engines of death, and '
j shook , bands with a right good will.
When another summer came, he of Bim
town visited Blytown again; and this time
therp were great doings at the widow's
cot. The miuistcr came and performed
the part assigned him.
r And .,then Jerry Hopkins, Tailor of
JBimtown, introduced to Jared MJllikcn,
Tailor of Blytown, Mrs. Jerry Hopkins.
And after, this Jarcd went through tho
same operation.
ilJaredjisaid Lizzie his oxen Lizzie
after she had been introduced as Mrs.
Jared Milliken, Hopkins want to kiss
mci.,
Let him do it,' cried, Jared, in high
glcei. 'I've, kissed Ids wife.
The Art of Printing.
Perhaps there is no department of en
terprise," whose details are less understood
by intelligent people than "the art pre
servative" the achievement of the types.
Every day, their lives long, they are
accustomed to read the newspaper, to find
fault with its statements, its looks; to
plume themselves upou the di.-covery of
some roguish aud acrobatic types that
get in a frolic and stands upon its head;
or-some word with a waste letter or two
in it; but of the process by which the
newspapers is made; of the myriads of
motions and the thousands of pieces ne
cessary to its composition, they know lit
tle and think less.
They immagine they discourse of a
wonder, indeed, when they talk of the
fair white carpet woven for though to
work on, of the rags that Buttered upon
the back of the beggar yesterday.
The Meanest Man in the World.
Who is he ? Why the man who, after
enjoying the privilege, with his wife and
children, of reading a newspaper every
week for months and years and obtaining
therefrom instruction and amusement,
leaves town for no one knows where;
without settling for his paper, and com
pelling the postmaster to order it stopped.
We have felt bad on knowing that just
such a miserable creature as this has been
in the weekly receipt of our paper! We
hope tor decency's sake, that there is not
another such a worthless personage on
our subscription list if there is we may
give his name and residence a gratuitous
insertion in our columns.
Members of the fruternity, do you know
of a meaner man thau one who acts thus?
In our opinion,
"If you should take a fine-tooth comb,'
And rake down all creation,
You couldn't find a meaner man in
This. here mighty nation."
Olive Branch.
An Incident on X stern Rail
road. True oj Course. As the ilgJl'CIiMj.
express wa coming out of Indianapolis,
last Saturday morning, on the Bellfon
tainc Railroad, with a pleasure party of
two hundred, tho engineer discovered a
couple of Ohio bullocks fighting on the
track. Instead of reversing his engine or
whittling 'down the brakes, more steam
was applied and the engine, running at
the rate of forty miles an hour struck the
bullooks in a very 2culiar manner; throw
ing them sufficiently high in the air to al
low the whole train to pass under tbem.
Their motion in tho air reversed their po
sition so that when they struck the ground
they wero headed in a different direction,
and each marched on, supposing be bad
sent the other high in the air. The train
wasnot detained a moment.
lgy-"3ia me!" said Mrs. Partington,
"here I have beeu suffering the bigamies
of death for three mortal weeks I?irst I
was seized with a breeding phrenology in
the left Hampshire of tho brain, which
was exceeded by a stoppage of the left
ventilator of the heart. This gave me
an inflamation of tho boras, and now Ivm
sick with the chloroform morbus. There's
no blessing like health,' particularly when
you are si'ek'."' .
At a public xale of books, the auc
tioneer put hp "Drew s Essay on boul
which' was knockep down to a shoemaker
who to the great amusement of the crow
ded room,Ja.sked the auctioneer "if he had
any "mo reworks onsbocinaking to sell?"
A QuESTjioN--iT;no , fUvvlng curious
notice is pp.-ted. at tho City Hall. No
name or address is signed to .it : Tf ..
''Is there. a,ny work in New. YorV? If
there is, have the kindness to leave dir
der !8tarVfltiou may ootVet in.,
Newark, Dec, O 857." ' ,
1 . , , ?i
' . ...r ,
The.wprst feature in a man's face
' . I" . i:i,,nlMjnt. All.ni.nnnr.lnn
ar-f:iqga daily neWpapcr. f ' ai
rT7r . ' '"l ' '
,'jHpitcph-?tonta''larubjus
'Peas to remains.-'
liieu tf.
The voice of dead Nations.
Mr. Alger, in his. recent celebrated ora
tion, uttere'd the following impressive pas
ae, which ought to be written on ,tho
statute hooks of tvery.State in the Union:
"The dtad jrtatibns whose giant skele
tons now lie bleaching and crumbling ou
the sands of time, all died of sin. It wa
their crimes, that dug their graves, and
pushed them in. Licentious luxury sap.
ped the foundation strength, and 'rotted
the live virtue of one and it disappear
ed beneath the green pool of its own cor
ruption. Brutal war made a business of
and carried in every direction, drew up
on another the. combined wrath of tho
world and it was dashed upon the rock
of its own barbarous force. Domestic
bondage, grown enormous, trodden under
foot, and goaded to madness, rose on an
other and buried it in the conflagration
and slaughter of its own provocation!-
Internal antipathies based on sectional
differences, fed by selfish interests and
taunting debate, finally exploded in tho
quarrelsome, parties of another and hurl
ed its dissevered fragments to ruin by tho
convulsive eruption of its own wrong and
hatred. Of all the mighty empires whose
melancholly ghosts now pace the palid
margin of oblivion, not one ever sunk but
its own fall was through internal iniquity
in some way or other. Shall the fctately
shade of republican America too go down
tojoin-the doleful company of crowned
spectres, moving them beneath to rise up
at her coming with the sardonic mock,
"Art tbou also as wc?" If we would a
void their doom of vengeance we must
not tread their path of guilt."
1
"You Haven't Have Yon;'
While in a certain store, the other day,
we noticed a neat looking old lady enter,
with a basket on her arm and spectacles
on her nose, looking, for all theworld,as
if she had just popped out of a band-box1,
so clean and tidy as was she. She step
ped up to the counter, and the- following
dialogue took place between her and the
clerk :
Old Lady '-You haven't a little but
ter, have you ?"
Clerk "Yes, ma'am some nice audi
fresh, just received.'
Old Lady "You don't sell it at fwenfy
five cents, yet do you."
Clerk "That's our price madam."
Old Lady 'You couldn't let me have
a couple pounds, could you?"
Clerk "Ob, certainly.'' Taking the
plate, be weighed out the butter, and tho
threw down half a dollar, which he scru
tinized closely.
Old Lady "You don't think tbat'ft
bad, do you 7"
Clerk "Yes, ma'am, I do."
Old Lady (much excited) "Yoti
wouldn't take this truck back again,
would you ?'"
Clerk "How do you know I wouldn't?'
and taking the butter, he dashed it back
into the firkin The old lady neizod the
plate and the bogus half dollar, and star
ted to leave, but when she got to the door,
she turned around and said, in the way
of a final clincher :
"You're not in any wajs riled, I reck-
You ?"
on 1
An flflifnr tlmS &2vt"eS
niigsinz
n i w m "
The gentleman wm.
inadvertent-
ly took our uew beaver and left an- .T
r'?:-r .infe-
riorarticle in its stead; will do us infinite
kindnes by returning our own, and be
shall receive our warmest thanks, and two
apologies an apology for the trouble we
have given him, and the "apology for a
hat" be Uhus.
JK&A clergyman of a country village
desired his clerk to give notioe that there
would be no service in the afternoon, as
he was going to officiate with another
clergyman. The clerk, as soon as the
service w'as ended, called out :
"I am desired to give notice that jbre
will be no service this afternoon, as$Mr.
L is going fishing with another cler-
u '
gj uiaui
Old Mrs. Darnl.ey is a ptttern of house
hold econouy. She says she has made a
pair of socks last fifteen years by only
knittiDgnew fecMo them every win tor
and new legs to them every other winter.
Miss Bland says the first time a young
mari'squeezed her dress, she felt as if she
was iu the land where rainbows como
from. How poetic a little hugging makes
some people !
SAisilly fop being in oompany, and
wanting, his servant, cried out :
1.. Where is my blockhead?
Upou your ahoulders. replied a-jady.
T
8" I aay:Pat, what are you about,
sleeping out the room ?" "No,' answered
Pat. "I'm. sweeping out the dirt aud
leaving the room."
lThe hoy that; undertook to. ride a
horseradish, is. now. practicing on a;sad
d)e of mutton with stirups.
(fci?An Albany man advertises for hik
ruuaway wifo---wbo is but fifteen years of
age and of a loving disposition, and had
on three rattan hoops. 1
- m 1
J3f Mrs. Cunningham and . h'ertwo
Ujihtors are reported totio)jinOiaris.-T-r
dau
Better there than here.
What is best to previ.poiT?froof
despairing I E-ubo Pairing -
If
i
1
t
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