JDeuotcfc to politics, Citcvaturc, Agriculture, Science, itloraliti), anh cncral Intelligence.
VOL 15.
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. MAY 10, 1855.
NO. 2&
Published by Theodore Schoch.
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No papers discontinued until all arrearages are paid,
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.ID Advertisements not exceedniR one square (ten
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oharce for one and three insertions the samp. A lihor -
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l7" All letters addressed to the Editor must be post
paid. JOB PRINTING.
ing a general assortment of large, elegant, plain
and ornamental Type, we arc prepared
to execute every desciiption of
Canls, Circulars, Bill Heads, Notes. Blank Receipts
Justions, Legal and other Blanks. Pamphlets, &c.
printed with neatness and despatch, on reasonable
erms,
AT THE OFFICE OF
THE JEFFERSON! AN.
NOBLEST OF SONNETS.
A State.
What constitutes a State.
Km hirrh rnisnrl hattlnmpnt nnr labored mound, i
Thick wall, or moated gate ;
. , ' . ,
Noc.Ucsfa.MV.lhsp.resand turrets crowned;
ot bays and broad-armed ports,
wnere, mugning ai me siorm,.ncn navies
ride ;
Not starred and spangled courts,
Where low-bowed baseness wafts perfume to
pride.
No! Men, high-minded men,
Men who their duties know,
lint know their rights, and knowing dare
maintain, j
Prevent the lonjr-aimed blow, !
And cru.-h the tyrant when thev burst the
chain:
These constituc a State :
II.
A Church.
What constitutes a Church 1
jSot triple hierarchy, or throned priest,
The stolen trappings of the Romish beast,
Altar, or well sung creed,
Rites magical to save or sanctify,
.Nor aught that lulls the ear or charms the
eye.
A band of faithful men,
Met for GOD'S worship, in an upper room,
On hill-side, or lone glen,
Or 'neath the midnight's starry dome,
In weal, in woe, with holy, high accord,
To hear the counsels of His holy Word,
riedged to each other and their common
Lord ;
These constituc a Church !
Confab.
What's the news from Massachusetts.
"From where?"
"From Massachusetts!"
"Don't know Massachusetts ?"
"No, sir !"
"Never heard of such a State."
"Never !"
"Where have you lived since you were
born."
"In the United States."
"And never heard of the Old Bay."
"Oh, yes! I've heard of the Old Bay."
"Well ! ain't that Massachusetts 1 '
"It used to be, but ain't now." !
"Ain't now? What on earth is it then?" j
"They've seen
n Sam over there. don't
You think they have?"
"Well yes. I reckon they have."
"Then it's no longer Massachusetts."
What is it."
"Sam-chusetts, and Dothing else !
Who-ray for Hail Columbia & Co."
Proving; Character.
'Do you know the prisoner Mr. Jones?'
'Tes, to the bone.'
'What is his character?'
'Didn't know he had any.'
'Does he live near you?'
'So "near that he has only spent five
Ehillings for firewood in eight years.'
Did he ever come into collision with
you in any matter?'
Only once, and that was when he was; was still in the body; the surgeon sought
drunk and mistook me for a lamp post.' J for and fcund it ; upon which the advo-
'From what you know of him would cate sent for the pistol with which the
you believe him under oath?5 jdeed had been perpetrated, and tried to
'That depends upon circumstance. dron the ball into the barrel. It seemed
If he was so much intoxicated that he too large, he accordingly tried it in all
did not know what he was doing,! would. 'possible ways, still it would not go in.
If not I wouldn't. j This ball could not be fired by that pis-
.0 ; tol, was evident to every observer ; tho
To Beautiful Young Ladies. (judges looked at one nnother and shook
The Editor of the Cincinnati Ledger i their heads. There was not a person
thus discourses to the beautiful young la- nt bad completely made up his mind
L"u . J respecting the guilt of the prisoner ; but
dies of his town : tujs cir0Umstance quite confounded them
"Why is it that many of the niost'aii The confession of the prisoner, made
beautiful young ladies of this city, while j without the employment of the slightest
walking in the streets are in the habit of.fear or forCe was corroborated by every
holding up their dresses with both hands, j circumstance that had previously come to
as though they were going to catch some- light ; the ball alono seemed to proclaim
thing in their laps a bad practice really, jg innocence.
jacd should not be carried to such an ex- J Lewis began to conceive the strongest
jtcntus it is, or can they find no other use hopes, and was nearly overpowered with
for their hands while walking? Get a the excess of his extreme joy. He pro
fan, or a small parcel of something, but 'posed the proceedings, together with the
do let the dress alone. Wc presume it is, hall and pistol, should be sent to the su-
done for show: however, we'll ask our
better half when we go. home."
, - - - , I
His better half will tell him that he has
nothing to do with other ladies' dresses.
fteAn inventive genius intends ap
plying to patent a machine which he savs.
when wound up and set in motionl will
chase a hog over a tcn acre lot, catch,
yoke and ring him, arrange his squeal traveller on the road not far from tho
for the piano, or by a slight change of birthplace of tho friends, was brought to
gearing, it will chop him into sausages, that -town. Convicted by sufficient evi
work his bristlos into shoe brushes and dencc, he acknowledged his crime ; but
manufacture his tail into cork screws. this was not all j ho confessed, on furth-
A STRANGE STORY.
The Advantage of legal Forms.
In a small town in Saxony, lived three
young men, wnom we will call Ueorge,
"Rrnrsr nnrl T.pwiq nnA irlinm frnm flimr
"lCfit, ana JjewiS, ana WUom Irom tUeir
infancy were 8trongly attached to each
1 .1 n -r-P J
1 otuer. jeorge ana Ernest were merchants;
Lewis Btudied law, and practiced in his
native place.
One summer's day Ernest and George
set out on horseback for a town about
thirty miles off, where they had business
to transact. Ernest was weak enough to
be fond of discoursing with his friend on
religious subjects, of which they wero of
different opinions,and had warm disputes,
though George was as irritable and pas
sionate as himself was obstinate in main
taining his notions. During the journey
1 Ernest led the conversation to this unlucky
J topic. They fell as usual, into a dispute
I which was kept up till they reached the
inn where they agreed to dine. The dis
j pute was continued over a bottle of wine,
but with temper on both sides ; and the
travelers pursued their journey. Ernest
renewed the subject of the former conver-
and bothJ ratber elevated with tbo
wine th had tak the d;spute became
raore and more violent as thev nroceeded.
so mac dv tne timo tney naa enterea a
1 1 V ii . 11 1 .
wood through which their road led, it had
degenerated into downright personality
and abuse.
George's passion knew no bounds: un
conscious of what he did, he pulled out a
pistol and presented it at his companion,
The pistol went off and Ernest fell from his
horse, which, frightened by the report and
relieved of his rider, scampered away in-
to the wood.
George pale as death, immediately a
i lighted to assist his friend, who was wel
i tering in his blood; the paroxyism of pas
sion was over, and had given place to bit
ter repentance. He stooped trembling to
Ernest, who just then breathed his last
sigh.
Overwhelmed with despair and anguish
he tore his hair, and afterwards galloped
back to the village, to surrender himself
into the hands of justice as the murderer
of his friend, that he might put a speedy
end to his life which was now the most
oppressive burden to him. The officer to
whom he delivered himself up sent him
under a suard to the town where the
1 w
friends resided. The body of Ernest,
: whose pockets were found rifled was also
J conveyed thither and interred.
I The legal proceedings against George
commenced. He repeated his confession
before the Judges, and implored a speedy
! death. His examination was closed and
I he was informed that he was at liberty
to choose an advocate to defend him, as
the law'requires 'r but he declined to avail
himself of the privilege, and with tears
! besought the court to hasten his execution.
Being, however, again urged to appoint
an advocate to conduct his defence, he
named his friend Lewis. "At the same,"
said he still, "there needs no defence ; I
wish only for death ; but I submit to the
'required formality. My friend may un-
i dcrtake the bootless task, and thus show
bjs attachment to me for the last time."
With profound emotion, Lewis entered
up0n the most painful duty that had ever
fallen to his lot in his whole professional
career. Though he despaired of being
able to save his unhappy friend, he de
termined, of course, to make every possi
ble effort to accomplish this end.
With this view he objected that Ernest's
;body had been committed to the earth
without any previous judioial examination
and dissection. The judges replied that
this ceremony seemed unnecessay and su
perfluous, as tho murderer had voluntari
ly confessed the deed: if he (the advocate)
insisted on the examination of the body,
it should be taken up. By the desire of
Lewis this was accordingly done.
The town surgeon attended, and de
clared that as the ball had passed right
through the heart, death must naturally
ensue. Lewis wished to know if the ball
nrpmn frihnnal. and that it might decide
W 1 V
in this extraordinary affair. This propo
' .1 i -ftV,: T 11a nrnnn.
sal was the more readily accepted, as the
local court was puzzled how to act, and
absolutely unable to pronounce any judg
ment whatever.
While the papers were in the hands of
the supreme tribunal in th, metropolis
highwayman, who bad shot and robbed a
cr examination, that two months before
he had murdered another man on the
same road. This circumstance had exci
ted suspicion, and being still further ques
tioned he related the following particulars.
"About that time I happened to be in a
village public house. Two men on horse
back came in after me ; I remarked that
one of them had a heavy girdle filled with
money fastened around his body under
neath his waistcoat. I began to consider
1 whether it was not possible to possess my
. self of this rich booty ; but then how was
it to be done as he had a companion ?
However thought I to myself, I have
, a brace of good pistols. If I shoot one,
the other will probably run away in a
fright and before he can give the alarm
and fetch witnesses to the. spot my fleet
horse will have carried me far enough out
of their reach ; if, contrary to my expec
tation, the survivor should s'tand by his
companion, what hinders me from giving
him the other ball ? Such was my de
termination, which I resolved immediate
ly to execute. I had heard them talking
of the way they should lake. I rode off
before, and having tied my horse to a tree,
concealed myself in a thicket by the road
side. No sooner had I taken my station
than the travelers approached. They
were disputing violently. I bad already
taken aim at the man with tho girdle,
when the other took out a pistol and dis
charged it at his companion. I fired
at the same instant. My man fell
just as the other's ball whizzed past my
ear ; he then sprung from his horse, was
engaged for a short time with his dying
fellow-traveller, and at the instant when
I was going to fire at him he mounted a
gain and galloped away. I had now time
to rifle the poekets of the deceased, and
having done this, I rode off as fast as I
could."
He described the time, the place, and
the two travellers so minutely, that there
remained not the slightest doubt of his
having actually committed the murder of
which George accused himself. The lat
ter trembling with rage fired at random,
and wasinnocent of the death of his friend.
The local tribunal transmitted all these
particulars to the Supreme court ; the
proceedings, with acompaniraent, were re
turned, and the ball exactly fitted the pis
tols whioh was found upon the murderer
at the timo of his apprehension.
Let the sympathizing reader now en
deavor to form some conception of the
transport of Lewis on having saved his
friend. Let him figure to himself the joy
of George, when the painful consciousness
I of an atrocious crime was thus removed
from his bosom. He was unanimously
declared innocent of the murder ; his pas
sion cost him two months imprisonment;
and it wa9 long before his tears ceased to
flow for his departed friend. Lewis
begged the ball, the instrumentof George's
deliverance, as a memorial of the extraor
dinary event.
The forms of legal proceedings may of
ten seem troublesome and UReless, but let
them not be arraigned on that account.
Now and then, indeed a criminal may
through their means escape the punish
ment due to his guilt; but if in the course
of a century, they save the life of one in
nocent person, the wisdom of the legisla
tor ought to command our gratitude.
Wonderful Phenomenon.
The Oswego Palladium of Friday re
lates the following incident of the recent
thunder-storm iu that vicinity, The fam
ily of Mr. Ira Skillings, residing near
Bonesteel's saw mill, were up and about
preparing breakfast. Mr. Skillings and
a little girl about 18 year's of age, a
sister of Mrs. Skillings, wcro standing
by the stove, when a tremendous flash of
lightning and clap of thunder occurred.
The fluid struok the chimney of the dwel
ling, passed down the chimney, followed
the stove-pipe to the stove, and thenco
diffused itself in every direction, passing
out through the floor and onc side of the
house. Mr. Skillings was thrown down
senseless upon the floor, his clothing torn
in tatters on one side, and the right side
of his body burned and paralyzed. The
little girl, apparently was not injured; but
what is almost incredible, she was thrown
down, and tho boots which she had on (it
is customary for young girls attending
school in tho country to wear high top
boots) were torn apart around the ankle,
and tbo foot of the boots forced off from
her feet with the stockings and thrown
some six feet distant, leaving the boot
legs entire on the girl. The chimney was
nearly torn to pieces, and bricks were
thrown some cigteenrods distant; the
floor was torn up in scvoral places, and
one side of tho house was very much shat
tered. The saw mill stands some six rods
from that dwelling. Two men, Wm.
Stores and Sylvester Spencer, who were
at work there were both struck down and
were unconscious for several minutes, but
were not much injured. Mr. Skillings was
thought not to be dangerously, though
1 quite seriously injured. Mr. Mott saw
i the effect of the stroke upon tho house,
immediately after it occurred, in the cloud
of dust and smoke which suddenly arose,
and he and some other neighbors ran to
tho house, some eighty rods, with all speed.
Mrs. Skillings happened to be in another
room at the moment and escaped unin
jured. None more impatiently suffer injuries
than those who are moat forward in in
' dieting them..
Two Scenes of Life.
A CrOvd miserable) motley, and hun
gry 1. You cannot count them by tens,
nor fifties, but by hundreds. You will
know their character and obiect at a
glance. You know that but one cause ' the room (taking it for a bar-room) and 1 f is picture is understood to be a
can bring such a group together, and yet' inquired if he could obtain londging there. , highly esteemed resident of Newton :
you are puzzled to know why they hap- j The fellow, who was a shrewd Yankee, 1 "Tne happiest man I have ever known
pen to meet here, in this narrow street
where the incessanthum of busy and nev-jbutt of their jests; but quietly taking off ,
cr tiring machinery constantly greets the his hat, and telling a worthless little dog '
ear here, where the blessed sunlight can- j he had with him, to lie under the chair, he
not penetrato to drive away the miasma! took a glass of proffered beverage. The
of summer putridity or melt the snows of students anxiously inquired after the
of winter; yet here thoy stand, the poor,
the destitute some with baskets, others,
with pans, more with nothing but a
wretched apology for a dress, in which to
receive the 'relief which some banevo
lent association has announced will be
afforded, and which, it would, dispensed
in such a manner as to cause the receiv
er to curse the giver !
Stopl do you not know that woe-stricken
face? It is one who lived close by your
own door, and in the sunshine of whose
face you were wont to read the fond ex
pressions of love and joy yet here, in
the midst of this destitute throng she,
moves, thin and pale, worn and weary!
wnyi an, nrst came deatu, men sorrow,
and now has fallen the blight of abject
poverty. Of course she had friends, but
they cannot recognize her now, because
well, you may easily divine that. But
TTTI 1 . .
see that dear cnerub lace peering trom
beneath a ragged hood, whose protection
;n.i tUnn i-noi
TTnnr fl,o
How the heart throbs with the thought
. - .. .!.
that food can be had here, which is cold-
lv refused bv the 'rich folk' in the snlen-
did mansion, way over yonder! Let us
- - -i
follow her as she eagerly presses her way
up to the entrance of tho 'Relief office;'
her little bare feet have forgotten to aohe,
and the half-frozen limbs throb with new
life, as the thought of 'dear mother' wait
ing humbly on her wretched bed crosses
her mind! Oh! how your heart swells
with indignation as the burly policeman
rudely thrusts her away with tbe-words,
'Back, thou imp of Sata)i ' and then you
speak kindly to her, as she slowly crosses
the street, and, sitting down on the cold
stone, awaits her turn!
Ah, this is onc scene perhaps of daily
occcurrence which may bo peculiar to this
great metropolis; and yet tucre are otners
which contrast so strongly that they in
duce us to place them iu contrast.
A bridal ! here, then, must he happi
ness! so says the young heart, whioh has
not learned the old maxim about gold
that glitters.
Yes the happy one3 stand at the altar;
and if the ceremonies of the law are all
that constitute marriage, then are these
two persons to become husband and wife.
If all the gew-gaws and trappings which
wealth has placed about them will make
their lives happy, then will they glide a
long the troubled current of life as o'er a
smooth sea, and will dwell in pcrfeot-hap-piness
I
Let us endeavor to get a peep at tlp
recipients of such felicity. A splendid
white satin dress, surmounted by a very
white neck and shoulders, (uncovered?
Certainly, although you do think it is the
coldest month in the year!) and asnowy veil
depending from the head, which is tasteful
ly (?) decked with orange blossoms, rep
resents the bride, who, you should have
noticed, holds a boquet of flowers in her
gloved and jeweled hand. By her side
stands a plain but richly dressed young
man who is soon to call her by the sacred
name of wife.
On cither side, in great pomp, arrayod
the friends, most of whom are dressed in
satins or silks, and appear to look upon
themselves with a wonderful degree of
complacency.
With measured cadence the priest
solemnly pronounces the bond which is
to unite them forever; and then you hear
a hearty kiss which the happy man be
stows upon his chosen one, and tho cere
mony is over. As they pass through the
dimly lighted aisle, and tho eager throng
press upon each other to get a good look
at the brido you say to yourself that it
was certainly a great sight! And so it
was, but you can not avoid the reflection,
as you emerge into the air, and witness
the crowd of carriages which block up the
street, that the coat of these alone would
suffice to give all thoso miserable crea
tures whom you saw in the morning a
first rate dinner; and when you reflect
upon the eating and drinking and riotous
living that generally follow such scenes,
tho very heart Biekcns, and well it may!
For the poor, and miserable aro crying
out from hunger, and incessantly knock
ing at your door, crying, "Give me bread,
or I perish!" Inevil times like the present,
when honest men and women are suffer
ing and starving, wo have no right to
waste our income in gratifying the
promptings of a deceased taste or a fool
ish pride 1
Matrimonial Speculation. A gen-
tlcman in Kelooshoo, Ark., was married
to a young woman, and after four months
connubial felicity, was presented with a
black baby. He called on his lawyer, re -
lated the circumstance, and asked his ad -
... t?"-) r"' r
law. "let mo have the
e naners. and you
shall havo a divorce
incsrnTitPr Ori
ban" a divorce," replied the gentleman,
"T only want to know if J can sell tho
cur?cd nigger!
. ...
Won't Take Twenty Dollars.
Some waggish students at Yale College,
a few years since, were regaling them
selves one evening at the Tontine, when
an old farmer from the country entered
- saw at once that he was to be made the
neaJtn ot tbcold man's wife and children,
and the farmer with affected sympathy
gave them the whole pedigree, with nu-
merous anecdotes regarding his farm,
stock, &c
I
asked one '
'Do
you belong to church?'
of the wags.
'xes, the Lord be praised, and so did
my father before me.'
'Well I suppose you would not toll a
lie,' replied the student.
'Not for the World.'
Tnw trW will fnirnfnrtW AnrrV
'pointing to the farmer's cur, who' was not
i it. t. : t J
nunu uia wuigui iu uursuy uiuu.
I won't take twenty dollars for that dog,
twenty cents.7
'Well, I assure you I would not take
enty dollars for him.'
twenty
'Come, my friend,' said tho
who with his companions was
student,
bent on
.having some capital fun with
the old
mun. NVw von sn.v vnn wont toll alii for
thfi world. p.t mo ro.p. if von will not do it
for twenty dollars. I'll give you twenty
. . -,, nr..,
dollars for your dog.'
'I'll not take it.'
'You will not? Here, let me see if this
won't tempt you to lie added the student,
producmg a small bag of half dollars,
from which he commenced counting nu-
merous small piles upon tnc table. 1 lie iar-
mer was sitting by the tabic with his hat
: ! 1 3 ..I ; 3
in his hand, apparently unconcerned.
The old farmer quietly raised his hat
to the edge of the table, and then, as
quick as thought, scraped all the money
into it except one half dollar, and then
exclaimed :
'I won't take your twenty dollars !
Nineteen and a half is as much as tho
dog is worth; he is your property 1'
A tremendcous laugh from his fellow
students showed the would-be-wag that
he was completely 'rowed up' and that he
need not look tor help irom that quarter;
so he good naturedly acknowledged beat.
The student retained his dog which he
keeps to this day as a lesson to him nev
er to attempt to play tricks on men older
than himself, and especially how ho tried
to wheedle a Yankee farmer.
A Dutchman and the Indians.
An amusing incident is related by the
Galveston 'Gazette,' of a German in that
vicinity who penned his horses at night
his slumbers by the jingling of bells; he ,is trifled with by tho ladies."
immediately arose from bed, and discov-
ed that the red-skins were driving off his , Tir-SE-KO. The Indian bearing tho
horses in a hurry. Hens greatly excited, abovc name belongs to the Nepcsing band
mounted his fleet bobfailed pony, without of Chippcwas. lie is over six feet high,
any weapons pantless, coatless, shoeless weI1 proportioned, and one of the mobS
and hatless, and with the extremity of powerful men we have ever seen,
his unmentionable cutting pigeon wings ' In wrestling he seldoras finds a raatcbr
in the air, made hotpursuit for the thieves, Dut ifc ia in juniP"mg that Tip-sc-ko is most
shouting vociferously in his native tongue, JJ at nome- e uave seen nim
to 'stop or he would scald and roast eve- and jUIDP sixteen and a half feet upon a
cry mother's son of them!' The Indians, level. We saw him stand and jump over
who were some ton or fifteen in number, a ne the height ciis head without touch
supposing that they were pursued by a ino The line was then placed the height
regiment of Texan Bangers, or tho Devil's j of uis shoulder, and he cleared it back
imp, took fright, and left in a hurry, re- wards. There may be men who can jump
gardless of booty, leaving not only the further and higher, but we have not seen
horses thev had taken, but two verv fine i them at least we never saw a man ofso-
i j
horses of their own, together with arms
of different kinds, which were found next
day scattered along for about a mile, and
from the trail made, their horses must
have boon hurried to their utmost speed,
for no doubt they thought their "day of
grace" was up.
An Act for the Protection of Bu
rial grounds has passed both branches of
the Legislature. It provides :
"That if any person shall open any
tomb or grave in any cemetery, graveyard
or any grounds set apart for burial pur
poses, either private or public, held by
individuals for their own use, or in trust
for others, or for any church or institu
tion, whether incorporated or not, without
the consent of the owners or trustees of
such grounds, and clandestinely or unlaw
fully removes or attempt to remove any
remains thereform, such person, upon con
viction thereof, shall be sentenced to un
dergo an imprisonment in the couuty jail
or penitentiary, for a terra not lcs9 than
one year nor more than three years, and
pay a fine of not less than one hundred
dollars at the discretion of the court of
the proper county ; any person who shall
wilfully destroy, mutilato, doface, injure
or remove any tomb, monument, grave
atone or other structure placed in any
fence or railing, or other work for the pro
tection or ornament of said grounds or of
any tomb, monument, gravo stone or oth'
cr structuro placed therein as aforesaid,
J or shall wilfully cut, break or remove any
tree, shrub or plant, within the limits of
' such grounds, or shall shoot or discharge
' any gun or other fire arms, or hunt any
limits, shall be deemed
. v ' j -i
miiltv of a misdemeanor, and shall upon
nnvirfion thereof before any iusticc of
the peace, be punished by a fine, at tbo
discretion of the justice, of not loss than
i- i r.r... .i i i "
live nor uioiu nun uimup.
The Happay Man.
The Boston Commonwealth makes tho
following extract from- a phonographic
report of a recent Fcrmon. bv Boi
Theodore Parker, of Boston. The orig-
13 onc Iar enough from being rich, m mo
neJ aDC yho jll never be very much
nearer to it. Ilis calling fit him, and bo
hke3 it, rejoicing in its process as much
as in lts results. Ho has an active mind
filled. He reads and he thiuks.
13(2 ienas ms garqen Dciore sunrise every
morning, then rides sundry miles by tho
rail docs tcn uoars work in town
whence he returns happy and cheerful.
ith his own smile be catches the carlies
smile of tho morning, plucks the first rose
of his garden,- and goes to work with tho
littlo flower m hts cand and a great onc
blossoming out of his heart. He runs
' with charity, as ai cloud with fain; and
j and it is with him as with a cloud what
coming
from the cloud is rain; to the
' meadows, is a: ramDow or glories to tne
; cl9d that pours it out. The happiness
ui tuu uut'uuuuo una ul luu iuuu uauf
and he runs over with friendship and love
connubial, parental, filial, friendly, too,
and philanthropic besides. Ilis life is a
' perpetual "trap to catch a sunbeam,"and
i Jt always "springs" and takes it in. I
know no man who gets more out of life:
and the secret of it is that he does his
duty to himself, to his brother, and to his
'. God. I know rich men, and learned
' nicn men of great social position: and
' if J.L ; T.. - A
if there is a genius in America, I know
that but ahappicr man I have never
known."
. Judge Gner of the United States Cir-
cuit Court of Pennsylvania, has decided
that a ton of coal is 2,240 and not
; pounds. The question came before him"
. on appeal from the United States District
l -i -
Lourt, in an action to recover for coal
furnished a steamer. The judge said a
company of grocers might as well meet'
and agree fo reduce the number of oun
ces in a pound, and make tho smaller
number the standard of a pound for their
customers, as for coal dealers to agree
that the weight of a ton shall be 2,0001bs.
His decision conflicts with a decision of
the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania, which
decided a case in Pittsburg a few months
ago, that according to the laws of Penn-
sylvania a ton weight is 2,000 lbs.
Tho London Fundi slantfcrouslv says ;
"The sun is called masculine from his
supporting and sustaining the moon, and
finding her the wherewithal to shine away
as she docs of a night; and of his being
obliged to keep such a family of stars be
sides. The moon is feminine because she
is constantly changing, just as a ship is
blown about by every wind. The church
is feminine because she is married to the
state, and time is masculine, because he
much back acton. Lapeer Democrat.
A man with an enormously large mouth,
called on a dentist, to get a tooth drawn.
After the dentist had prepared his instru
ments, and was about to commence ope
ration, tho man began to straiu and stretch
his mouth, till he got it to a most fright
ful extent. 'Sir said the dentist, 'don't
trouble yourself to open your mouth any
wider, for I intend to stand outside to
draw your tooth.'
Pretty Smart. A little urchin sonio
two or three years old, being a little dis
tance from the house, was suddenly star
tled by a loud clap of thunder. He was
much frightened, and made rapid tracks
for tho house-. But as the shed was the
nearest sheltor, ho entered it, and casting
a defiant look at tho clouds, exclaimed,
' Thunder aivay, lam under the shed.
At a judicial invcstigationatBalaklava,
a witness, a sailor was asked wba;J bis re
ligion was. His reply wa3 :
'I'm blowcd if I know,'
'Aro you a Catholic!' asked tho Ex
aminer. 'Oh, no,' was tho response, 'I'm d d
sure I'm not that, for I hato the Popo
liko blazes, and I delights on steak on
Friday.' (Boars of laughter.)
The Judges declared he was a ProSesS
ant. The following is the supcrsoriptran of
a letter that came through the Potst Of
fice in Patterson, a few days ago. It is
very rich :
'Till oneSharnus bhauahan Ihrouloujih
O'Bryllahan. From his 1st Cuzzin Pat.
! O'lliley, of tho county Antrim. 3 miles.
from the pOat town of Be'lley ganlley, Till
the care of Mr. Luse, shobin house inn
i Kaper, Paterson, N, Jersey.'
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