9.
Jpcuotcir tcr paiitic0, JSitcmturc, Agriculture, Semite, iltomliti), anft encval intelligence..
VOL 15.
STRQUDSBUEG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. MAY 3, 1855.
NO. 21.
VI
1
4
Published by Theodore Schoch.
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ciwrge lor one arm three insertions the same, a nocr-
a discount made to yearly advertisers.
11 All letters aauressca to uic liuiior must ue posi-
ji.liil.
JOB PRINTING.
"Having a general assortment of large, elegant, plain
and ornamental Type, we are prepared
to execute every descriptionof
ards, Chcul.irs, Mil Heads, Xotcs. Blank Receipts
Just iocs', Legal and other nianks. Pampldcts, &c.'
printed with neatness and despatch, on reasonable
erms,
AT THE OFFICE OF
THE JEFFERSON 2 AN.
The Candidate.
A worthy citizen, whose name was Brown,
Bethought himself, one day,
That every lane must have its turn.
And every dog- his say.
So to himself, at once he said :
"Mcthinks I'll try my fate, ; ,
And for some office and the.spqils,,
I'll be a candidate.
"Hal ha!" he laughed, "Brown slock shall rise: j
It will raise a clamor high,
Whcn-B-R-O-W-N,
My name, shall be in every eye,
And every tongue shall speak it,
And fame herself shall burst her cheeks,
As through her trump she'll squeak iu"
He told his wife, and from her face
Quick vanished every frown,
She smiled to think that scon she'd be
The HorCble Mrs. Brown.
The little Browns all ccised their play,
And said that they expected
'No longer petticoats to wear,
But pants, when VA's elected."
So Mr. Brown, he went at once
To the sovereigns of the nation,
And soon persuaded them that he .
Should have the nomination.
And quick his name on every Wall,
On fence, on post, through town,
In mammoth capitals was seen,
Till all was Brown! Brown ! ! Brown ! !
This made Brown happy, but, "alas I
Who can control his fate"
He'd yet to learn the trials of one T
Who is a candidate.
Reports were soon abroad that he ' -Had
taken what wasn't his'n,
And that, at one time of his life,
He'd spent some years in prison.
One party swore his marriage bed
Had ne'er been blessed by parson;
Another one could easy prove
He'd once committed arson;
A fourth knew him a murderer,
Which raised at once a "bobbery;
A fifth could swear that-he besides
"Had done a highway robbery.
The Natives said that he was born
In Ireland's Isle so green; -While
others said in Ilindoslan
The light he first had seen. Tf
Adopted cits, quite the reverse. t '
A ""Know-Nothing" him did call;
And one man bet that he could prove,
lie wasn't bora at all.
Brown bore it well, but 'twas no use;"
lie fell beneath these shocks;
He couldn't steer his bark at all,
Among so many rocks.
So beaten, drove half mad with, rage,
Jc hung himself at sundown,
Left Mrs. B. a widow, and
Was regularly done BROWN-;
Q. .
California Financial Panic.
A San Francisco correspondent of the
New 3Tork Daily Times thus makes light I
over the perplexities of a small capitalist :
in that city, who was in trouble for a safe
place of investment : '
"A German who had a couple of hun
dred dollars in Page, Bacon & Co's, drew
it out, and after carrying it about an hour 1
or two, thinking Adams & Co. must be j
perfectly safe, deposited it there; happen-J
invito hear some doubts expressed about
jiBem an hour later, he became alarmed,
and drew it out again; took it to Wright's
j rtf l,?m Iip liftrl
and .UJJUllUU u uviuuuu tn.u j
-1 i. .t T l.r t.-i
rtf mt fpn rods from the door, before he
'
Saw a man rusumg to mo unite iwuiwug
f.linno-lif, thn devil
raust & ,o p., tku-o too, .forthwith
vlrcw a cbeck for his two hundred. lie
nnniinnnd to detTOsit and draw again at
Unn!nr.limicn in f nrrn wllPTl
...J .. . ., . i j
A i a M an t iirT-inrrn i ir lit hum ;i
rW A, nili ofrtTin wifififl flic
. ' P "' i xi.
x Ie i r j i:i;Wnrl
persp.irauou irom ui& yaw uuu buiuuijuj
l..,c:. (IMtnn nn Hnf TJHm fillflll T
put mine tollars ? Me put cm in ten dif-
fercnt pa.nks ; so soon I put cm lerc, ho
pekin to prakc I gets him out, and he
no prate 1 J, take my monish home, and
i.: x :.:-x '
ouiu uuu uu m ueiuBuui ui uiiuc vrow,
andsposesbeprakcsVlprakesherhead;"
wXnnfc .wit.l, iaL n Vct, fL
home and probably has rejoiced over his
plan, which more might have followrd and
been belter off'
Knm otuI nmhMw kna L;ninra nr,nr. i,;
A TfrnrrnH HnuA Tn htr Hntinttr
Ky:; on the 27th of March, the venerable
t,.' n,n. a ro Jo.Q
W UUU i. UUUiCtUU) agbU v jrtxxo, liuo mm-
ried to the amiable Mrs. Mary Adams,
a"cd 12 years, who is entirely blind.
PULASKI.
It was at the Battle of Brandywine that
Count Pulaski appeared in his glory.
As he rode charging there, into the
thickest of the battle, he was a warrior
to look unon but once and never to forget.
j lMn MnA l,n lmc
x .... "...
r wuuui u wigv uvi-v, uv, . . ...... j--
! strength and beautv of shane made vou.man Fabius that had a heart of fire,
. -
forget the plainness of his caparison,
jru-
1 laski, himself, with a form sis feet in
' height, massive chest, and limbs of iron,
was seen from afar relieved by the black .that of tho British at Germantown, or ( the banners of the nations, will her chu
cloud of battle. " started from ice and snow, like that which dren come to Savannah to gather up the
His face, grim with the scars of Poland,
was the face of a man who had seen much
trouble, endured much wrong. It was
stamped with an expression of abiding
melancholy. Bronzed in hue, lighted by
' larre black eyes, with the lip darkened
j uy a mien mousiacuc, uis uiroat uuu vum ju
j were covered with a heavy beard, while Compare Brutus, the assassin of his
I his hair fell in raven masses from beneath, friend, with "Washington, the deliverer of
j his trooper's cap, shielded with a ridge of. his people ! Cicero, the opponent of Cat
j glittering steel. His hair and beard were aline, with Henry, the champion of a con-
of the same hue. tmont I W hat beggary of thought ! Let
The sword that hung by his side, fash- us learn to be a little independent, to know
oned of tempered steel, with a hilt of iron, our great men as they were not by corn
was one that a warrior alone could lift, jparison with the barbarian heroes of old
It was in this array that he rode to the
battle, followed by a band of three hun-
dred men whose faces, burnt with the :
scorching of a tropical sun, or hardened
bv northern snows, bore the scars of ma-
nv a battle. They were mostly Europe-
ny
ans
some Germans, some Polanders,
some deserters from the British army.
These were the men to fight. To be ta
ken by the British would be death on the
gibbet ; therefore they fought their best
and fought their last gasp, rather than
mutter a word about "quarter."
When they charged, it was as one man,
their three hundred swords flashing over
their heads, against the cloud of battle
They came down upon the enemy in ter- j
rible silence, without a word spoken, even
a whisper.
You could hear the tramp of their
steeds, you could hear the rattling of their
scabbards, but that was all. As they
closed with the Brittish, you could hear
a noise like the echo of a hundred ham
mers beating the hot iron on the anvil.
You could see Pulaski himself riding yon
der in his white uniform his black steed
rearing aloft, as turning his head over his
shoulder, he spoke to his men :
"Foitwats, Brudern Forwarts !"
It was but broken German, yet they
understood it, those three hundred men
of suuburt faces, wounds and gashes.
With one burst they rushed upon the en
emy. For a few moments they used their
swords, and then the ground was cover
ed with dead while their living enemy
scattered in panic before their path.
It wa3 on this battle day of Brandy
wine, that the Count was in his glory.
He understood but little English, so he
spake what he had to say with the edge
of the sword. It was a severe lexicon,
but the British soon learned to read it,
and to know it.
All over the field, from yonder Quaker
meeting house away to the top of Os
borne's hill, the soldiers of the enemy saw
Pulaski come, and .learned to know his
name by heart.
The white uniform, that bronzed visage,
that black horses burning eyes and quiv
ering norstrils, they knew the warrior
well, they trembled when they heard him
say
"For warts, Brudern Forwarts!"
It Was at the retreat of Brandywme
Ti
that ihe Polander was
most terrible.
was when the men
c en:
vi oumvau uaUJJ ,
rtl l.ic? rntnnn eflrt1
t?: ua a,u v.n l.jc i,rn
armea, poony eu .u-uuuy , half velt half hurrah which shrjeks fr
; way, step uy tsieu, uuiure uuu utctwuci- .. . ., .
rJ . . 'flip irnn tnp.n ns ihnv RP.o.nh Minir nrpv
lining discipline ot the British host, tnat,;"- , r- j
p.,ii.; )JrA III- Wfl fi-ml monnfc. What means it all?
His broad head shorn in an occasional t on he came, and his gallant band,
sunbeam or grew crimson with the flash. A moment and he had swept over tho Br.t
of an occasional cannon or rifle. ishcr-crashod, mangled, dead and dy-
TTJ wWta uniform was rent and stained: ng they strewed the green sodho had
in IW from 1,ead to. foot, he was covered
;iwW ml hlood. '
Still his riirht arm was free : still it
. .-. . . i M-nm. r 1 ti rr i irniwn iiii-i.iii.fr .
., . -r -i- t. 1 1:
when it fell; still his voice was heard, 1
1
turn
treating from the field; he saw the British
vondcr stripping their coats from their
,acks in thV madness of pursuit. He ,
lookc t0 the South for Washington who,!
-it. it ,i n ,n, i,.. I
WIIU lUc rUSUlVU uuuci uivvuv. nuj imi
. . .
' v.,; in th rescue, but the American
J c- V w 1 "
cuier was n0t in view.
, n'l. TJuloelr! iric pnti Trill spil ivtflt mrrn
no ao madly tho b.i,.U. of
iftiroo finrl llllslfTr. hilt pf-rOnf in GVCl'V
1 ... I toI.iIo f ho irnn hnnrl swp.nt. nrnnn
11C DC1101U LUVJ uivisiuu ui uumiau iu- , , . , - .
rr i.i.u ii. j:..:: c C..li:.,, oiucorcu n usiiiukioij iiiuy
thc parsuiug British, his sword gathering "u "
victim after victim, even therein front ofibalk-
il.- (.aU irmr lir finnrr li I c ctoo? n(rn!l
. nii i a : t.-i,
x. A At t nn rnirn'ii inir m hum iiti ii: in mi-'
r. . .. . i i fr xti i. x x
..1,4- tl.nm in IiIq Vtrnlfon "Rnnrlish to turn.
t i cr . i, ci,rt.itn,i ?n linn ro
aua maiiu uu cuum , u ouvw ""'
fl,nf tlin f? n V W.1S not Vet loSt !
j They did not understand his words but
the tone in which he spoke thrilled" their
blood.
i tj.c picture, too, standing out rrom xnc
. . ' . "..V '
clouds ot DattlC a warrior uuu uiou nx
TTou covered with blood, leaning over
Passw c7, ! . ;, nnBn
t MenecKoi m : J "
ed turned to fire, and the muscles or ins
iwi tn nre. nou uiu ixjusuiwo i ui
I face writhin"- like serpents that,' neath the enemy's canuon crushed by the
I say filledmany a'heart withlsame gun that killed his stccd--ycs, they
, . ; o , , ,r;fi,
piciure, x say nueu wuj - ' ,
new courage, nerved many a wounaea
nrm fnr flio fil,f. nam'n.
I These retr?atin men turncd-,thcy
' fn,. tun rnn ,,iniii.n i, lf nf. Tin r
j iumu luv. xww uiu xxx.vi mv ni' " - J
! before blood-hounds they sprang upon
s the neck of the foe, and bore them down
with one desperate charge.
Those people know but little of the ohar-1
acter of Washington who term him the.
American Fabius that is, a General
( compounded of prudence and caution, with
1 but a spark of enterprise. American Fa-
1 hh, ! Whon will el.nnr mn thn Tin
i xi . ...i i .1
nerves 01 biuui, u sum iuui iiuuifuicu iui
the charge, an enterprise that rushed from
(wilds like Sippock, upon an array like
1
.lay across the Delaware, upon hordes like
.those of the Hessians at Trenton then I
will lower Washington down into Fabius.
(This comparison of our heroes with the
j barbarian demigods of Borne, only illus-
,trates the poverty of the mind that makes
Borne.
Let us learn that "Washington was no
negative thing, but all chivalry and genius
It was at the battle of the Brandywme
that this truth was made plain. He came!
rushing on to battle. He beheld his men
hewn down by the British. He heard
them shriek his name, and regardless or
his personal safety, he rushed to join them.
It was, at this moment that Washington
came rushing on once more into battle.
Yes, it was in the dead havoc of that
retreat that Washington, rushing forward,
into the very centre of the melee, was en-
j tangled in the enemies troops on the top.
'of a high hill, southwest of the meeting
house, while Pulaski was sweeping on with
his grim smile, to have one more bout with
the red coats.
Washington was in terrible danger
his troops were sweeping to the south
the British troopers were sweeping up the
hill and around him while Pulaski, on
a hill some yards distant, was scattering
a parting blessing among the hordes of
Hanover.
It was a glorious prize, that Mistiier
Washington in the heart of the British
army.
Suddenly the Polander turned his eye
caught the sight of the iron gray and his
rider. He turned to his troopers ; his
whiskered lip was wreathed with a grim
smile he waved his sword he pointed
to the iron gray and his rider.
There was but one movement.
With true impulse that iron band
wheeled their war horses,and a dark body,
solid and compact, was speeding over the
valley, like a thunder-bolt sped from the
heavens three hundred swords rose glit
tering in a faint glimpse of sunlight and
in front of the avalanche, with his form
raised to his full height, a dark frown on
his brow, a fierce smile on his lip, rode
Pulaski, like a spirit roused into life, by
the thunderbolt he rode his eyes were
fixed on the iron gray and his rider his
band had but one look, one will, one shout,
Washington !
The British troops had encircled the
American leader already the head of
that traitor, Washington, seemed to yawn
upon the gates of London.
But what trembling of earth in the val
ley yonder 1 What means it?
What terrible beating of hoofs, what
does it portend 1
J.nai; ominous sucdcc ana
m ! j
now that
but that
om
7
the British array is m our wake!
I 1 j ii. . e r
PasseQ ovcr .luc miJjjpabBeu irui 01
.Washington! . . . .
Another moment, and that iron band
had wheeled back to the same career of
doatH they came. Boutod, defeated
crushed, the red coats flee from the hill,
d the form
encircle him
swords of
stecl-the shoutol his nameshneKsthroug 1
thc a'r an,d. f,0 the American host
hear him in all a soldier s joy.
ll was at bavannah that night came
down upon 1 uiasm
Yes, I see him now, under tho gloom
of night riding toward yonder rampart,
fcJto? .'T'LttA T,
hundred of his own men followed at his
lck.
llight on, neither looking to the right
'or left, he rides, his eve fixed upon the
- 1 a. i
cannon of the British his sword gleaning
- ' over his head I
For the last time they hear that war
crv "Forwarts, Brudern f orwarts!"
Then they saw the black hprso plung
ing forward, his fore feet resting on the
cannon of the enemy ; while his rider rose
J nil iIia nriilA nf Iris fnftR bathed in a
... t
' flush of red light. ,
The flash nnce nans, thov saw Pulaski
,? , f , i .- "i,c.
, . j --. j --i
, no more
'Cnnvn mnt .flint killed Ms fitiiP.d.--ves. thev
irZ T Z L u n
.iounu nun, iuu uuisu au uia.uuui
! with their lornis or oaic tueir
Cr in death, that nODlC taCC glaring m llie.WlinaraU iu Buuau uax.u0.
midnight sky, with glassy eye.
So in his ?lorv he died 1 Ho died
I o J - -
while America and Poland were yet in
chains. He died in the stout hope that
both one day would be free. With regard
to America, his hopes have been fulfilled;
but roland
Tell me, shall not the day come when
yonder monument---erected by those
warm Southern hearts near Savannah
will viold tin its dsnr! ?
For Poland will yet be free at last, as
j r
sure as God is just as sure, as He gov-
ernstue Universe. Then when re-created
Poland rears her eagle aloft again among
ashes of their hero, and bear him home,
with the chant of priests, with the thun
der of cannon, with the tears of mil
lions even as repentant France bore home
her own Napoleon,
,
Woman's Monosyllables.
Many years ago, at a private evening
party in the city of New York, a young
lady of considerable pretensions to each
of.the highest attributes of woman, wit
and beauty, became engaged in playful
repartee with a gentleman, and finding
that she was losing ground in a battle of
her own provoking, rcsolvod on a respite
by directing the humor of her opponent
';nto another channel, and accordingly ro-
auested him "to compose for her a batch
of rhymes on the subject they had just
been discussing. Ihe following is the
result of
his labors which occupied less Francis, arc each stated to possess a hun- foresaid, was not an accessory to the mur
n minutes in presence of the as- I dred thousand dollars. Edwin Forrest is der of his profitable customer; for, that
' t j !ti- . o 0 1,-1 : 1. 1 j 1.1 x ii
than fiftcc
scmbled
company
The frown of woman 'tis a fearful thing;
The wit of woman shields me from its
sting;
The faith of woman fragile as her glass;
The face of woman mercury and brass;
The charms of woman sevrc to lead as
tray; .
Theeye of woman dazzling butto slay;
Tlio lionl nf wnmnn with strnncre vnrar-
ies filled; 00. Economy in a Family.
Tho love of woman thousands hath it
killed; ! placing your people" beyond the reach of
The youth of woman foolish, sing-song poverty, as economy in the management
dress; j of their domestic affairs. It matters not
The age of woman scolding, fretfulness; whether a man furnishes little or much
The smiles of woman harbingers of guile; for his family, if there is a continual lcak
Tho tears of woman chiefly crocodile's; age in his kitchen or in the parlor, it runs
The heart of woman flinty, ruthless,cold; ' away he knows not how; and that demon
Thn hand of woman bought with lands Waste cries "More!" like the horse-leech's
and gold: !
The heels of woman they who are wise
will shun: I
The nails of woman oft they've made me '
The tongue of woman 'tis hung in the
mulnlP! 1
The wrath of woman now I'll hang up
my fiddle; 1
The statement of the origin of the a- j
bove bitter phillipic against a woman is
undoubtedly untrue. No such acrimoni-
ous ebullition was ever spoken impromp-'
tu. unless it naa previously peen concoct-
ed while chewing the bitter cud of some
fancied or real injury, or it may be, a dis-,
appointed affection.
Maxims for Youne Men.
vTn 1 -ii je i,n(qQ Mn,nt
h. nZZt iw? nZd to the cuki !
5!J?ff? J11 l
vation of your mind.
Always speak the truth.
Keep good company or none.
Make few promises.
Live up to your engagements.
Have no very intimate friends.
When you speak to a person, look him
in the face.
Good company and- good conversation
are the very 6incws b'f virtue.
Good character is above all things else-.
Never listen to loose or idle couvcrsa-'
tion.
You had better be poisoned in your
blood than your principles.
Your character caunot be essentially
injured except by your own acts.
If any speak evil of you, let your lifo
be so virtuous that none will believe him..
Drink no intoxicating liquors.
Ever live, misfortunes excepted, with
in your income.
When you have retired to bed, think o
ver what you have done during the day.
Never speak lightly of religion.
Make no haste to be rich, if you would
prosper.
Small and steady gains give competen
cy with tranquillity of mind.
Never play at any kind of game.
Avoid temptation through fear that you
may not withstand it.
Earn your money before you spend it.
Never run in debt, unless you sec your
way to get out again.
Never borrow if you can possibly avoid
it.
Be just before your arc generous.
Keep yourself innocent, if you would
be happy.
Save when you are young, to spend
when your are old.
Never think that which you do for rcr
ligion is time or money misspent.
Etiquette.
The National Intelligencer has a cor-
respondent who procures a scries of num-
bers on this subject :
. . - . n ii rr
. 1. Before you bpw to a lady in the
street, permit her to decide whether you
U1av do so or not, by at least a look of
recognition.
2.. 'Excuse my gl
-
2.. 'Excuse my glove, is an unncccssa-
o1nv. fnr tbR Move should not be
r"kji " . ,
I 3. When your companion bows to a
lady, you should do the same. &c" a
, i 1 1 11 ,
gentleman bows to a laqy in jour
pany always bow to him in return.
com-
The Millionaires of tfew York. Pill Takers.
The N. York correspondent of the There arc people in the world who
Charlestown Courier makes the following physic themselves to death. We have
mention of the millionaires, of that city : j known men to flee to pills for relief from
"Williatn B. Astor is our richest man : ; every kind of ill. They had what may
he iuheritcd his wealth. Stephen Whit-. be called a pill-mania. Some of theso
ney, -fivo millions; owes his fortune to pill-devourers would present a startling
speculations in cotton and the rise in real , sum total, could they give in round nura
cstate. W. H. Aspinwall, four millions ; hers the amount taken during a lifetime,
camo of a rich family, and gained vast in- We recollect of hearting of one man, in
crease of wealth in the shipping business, the western part of New York State, the
James Lenox, three millions, which ho ' total of whose pill-taking was recorded
inherited. The late Peter Harmony, two as follows : In twenty-one years he took
miliions; came to this city as a cabin boy, ' 220,954, which is at the rate of 10,806
and grew rich by commerce. The Loril- per year; or, twenty-nine per day. Ho
lards, two millions ; came from France began, however, it would seem with a
poor, aud made their huge fortune in tho
tobacco and snuff business.
son tf Jr helps, two millions, learned tne
trade of a tinner ; aiid made a fortune Sn :
iron and copper. Alexander V. Stewart, '
two millions; now of the dry goods palace:
began business in a little fancy store. ; than 51,590! The most surprising part
Of thoso who are put down for a million ' of the story is not yet told: in addition to all
and a half, George Law began life as a j the pills above recorded, this victim swal
fann laborer ; Cornelius Vanderbilt as a lowed, at various times, some 50,000 bot
boatman ; John Lafarge as steward to Jo- ' ties of mixtures. These facts were oh
seph Bonaparte. Of the millionaires, 1 tained, we would add, from a respectable
James Chestcrm an began life as Journey- apothecary, near where our medicine-
man tailor; Peter Cooper as a glue maker.'
The same correspondent adds :
"George Bancroft, Henry James, Pro
fessor Anthon, Thos. McElrath, and Dr.
raiea a quarter 01 n minion ; 00 is o. xu. 110 was uiuruureu, wouiu sceui iu uu u iii
Morse, of the New York Obscrxcr. Wm. ; ed fact.
Niblo, it appears, has four hundred thou
, sand, Barnura is put down at eight thou-
, cnnrl lnnnnf. nt rmn liutirlrnf7 unci fiff V
sand : Bennet at one hundred and
thousand. But perhaps the most remar
v
kable statement of all is that Mrs. Okill,
of New York has made a quarter of a
million dollars by keeping school I"
There is nothing goes so far towards
daughter, until he that provided has no
more to give. It is the husband's duty to
. o . J
brin into the house, and it s the dutv of
the wife to see that none goes wrongfully
ter his affairs, and to assist him in his
iournev through life: to educate and Dre-
pare his children for a proper station in
life, and not to dissipate his propert.
The husband's interest should be the wife's
care, and her greatest ambition carry her
no further than his welfare or happiness,
together with that of her children. This
- " Uu.w Ui
ner exploits in tne oosom or ucr iamuy,
where she may do as much towards mak
ing a iortuno as ue can in tne counting
room or tho work shop. It is not the
money earned that makes a man wealthy
uiuucj, uutuu tuau manua a .uuu atuj,
4U 10 """" "w -"v- "V"-
Self-gratification in dress, or indulgence
in aPPtite, or more company than his
it is what he saves trom his earnings.
purse can well entertain, are equally per-
nicious. The first adds vanity to extray-
agancc, the second fastens a doctor's bill
to a long butcher's account, and the lat-
. 1 . ....... it. . 1 ii
ter Drings intemperance, ine worse 01 an
evils, in its train. Y. Organ.
jnoz uaa.
The apppended negro story, copied
from a Southern correspondent of the
Boston Journal, is not bad :
General G gave his black man,
Sawney, funds and permission to get a
quarter's worth of Zoology at a menagerie,
at the same time hinting to him the strik-
ing affinity between the Simia and negro
races. Our sable friend soon found him-
self under the canvass, aud brought to in
front of a sedate looking baboon, and
evein the bibo quadruped closelv, soli-
loquized thus: "Folks sures yer born, ! atternoon : An irishman presented
feet, hands, proper bad-looking counten- j himself at the polls and his vote was chal
ance, just like nigger, gettin' old I reck- : longed. He said that he had his papers
on." Theu. as if seized with a bright a1 swore "be Jases" he would produce
idea, he extended his baud, with a genu-
ri-
ine Southern "How dy'c do, uncle?"
The ape clasped the negro's hand, and
shook it long and cordially.
Sawney then plied his new acquantancc
with interrogations as to his name, age,
nativity, and former occupations, but olic
iting no replies beyond a knowing shake
of the head, or a merry twinkling of the
eye, (the ape was probably meditating the
best way of tweaking the darkey's nose,)
he concluded that the ape was bound to
keep non-committal, and looking cau
tiously around, chuckled out, "lie, ho, yo
too sharp for them, old feller. Keep
dark if ye'd just speak one word of
English, white man would have a hoe in
yer hand in less than two minutes."
If you waut a wife, don't look for her
in a ball-room, at a card party, singing
school, or church gallery, but in tho kitch
en, sick chamber, or at tho back door when
the beggar boys sing and bother. If she
doesn't mi?s lire at these, she's a Miss
you're not safe in missing to get. - Put
on your big coat and umbrella at once.
"Friend it is very wrong to swear as
you
doit. Why do you doit i- "uc-
1 1 il. MI . An .U (T'nn nnilnr.
cause, repnou mu uuauuui, . j.
stood that a man may swear out of jail in
thirty days, and I want to see if it oan't
be done in fiftcon. I am going to sit up
all uight and do my worst."
moderate appetite, which increased as ho
1. The late An- 1 grew older; for during the eight years pre
ns, learned the : coding his d?ih of oourse lie uieu he
coain?; ms 01 oonrse no uieu he
swallowed p-Jlj, at the rate of seventy-eig
per day! In one year, just before he
he
shuffled off his pill-coil, he took not less
maniac lived from boyhood to death; and
who furnished him with all he wanted in
hisjine. There is a question in our mind,
J whether the respectable apothecary, as a
Thp T.nnnttn
A WOrkraan at a Lunatic Asylum in
! n t T 1 i. t 1 .
1 jiinsrianu. leu a cnisei. more tnan tnreo
j feet long, on a recent occasion, in one of
and threatened to kill with it any one
who approached him. Every one then
in the ward immediately retreated from
it. At length the attendant opened the
door, and balancing the key of the ward
on his hand, walked slowly toward tho
dangerous madman, looking intently at it.
"His attention," said the attendant,
"was immediately attracted. ne came
toward me, and asked :
"I'm trying to balance this key on my
hand," said I, "and I can do it; but you
cannot balance that chisel in that way on
the back of your hand."
; "-es I can,'- said he; and
he immedi-
1 1 t .1. . I. . .1. 1 1 . .1
7 PI3CCQ IC OD luc 01 U13 nana
balancing it carefully, and extending it
"I took it off very quietly, and without
making any comment upon it. He seem-
ed a little chagrined at having lost his
! weapon, but he made no attempt to re-
gain it, and in a short time all irrigation
Passed awaJ- . a
j Couldn't Gum Him.
; wien tQ tciegraph was first pat in op
eration cetwecn rortianu ana uoston. a
countryman drove a flock of turkeys to
the former place for a market, but not
finding so good a sale as he anticipated,
he inquired of some by-standers their
pncc in boston. Some wag ot a tellow
auviseu mm to step into tne teicgrapn 01-
fice. jonothon ePntercd and ft ha ail
imp0rtan5 question to the operator, who
immediately telegraphed to Boston, and
jn a few minutes received an answer to
Lis inquiry and informed his customer.
Jonathan looked at the operator with a
. - -.
sjy y,uzt exclaimed :
j uyou 'can't frUm it
it ovcr me."
1 He was about leaving the office, when
the operator told him that there were nine
: tne op
shillings to pay.
Jonathan bristled
up,
and burst torth in a rage :
j "You can't gum it over me. That
darned old tick box of j-ourn haint been'
out of this room since I've been here."
i The operator finding that he had caught
; a greenhorn, let him off on the easiest
possiblo terms. Portland Trajiscript.
; 2x.ich The judges of the election in
, aru win icsiiiy to ine iruin oi
. the following rich occurrence at the polls
them. He was told to go and get them
! TT t j. 1 a. J
Home he went and returned and presen
ted to the judges his papers. What laugh
ter convulsed their honors we need not
say, when on opening the supposed papers
they found them to be a disjnissal from
the Xciv Jersey Penitentiary Sciota Ga
zette. 4 Great Farmer The "JElcjfainr
About ! Probably the largest farmer in
America is a large elephant which is en
gaged at plowing up the farm of P. T.
Barhum, near Bridgeport, Connecticut.
He is said to be very docile, walks tbrco
times as fast as a pair of horses, and draga
a largo subsoil plow, driving it from 10
to 21 inches deep. This same animal
waB used in India some years since to
work on the roads, pile timber, &c, and
it is said that he don't stick .up hi3 noso
at any reasonable work that his yankco
owner places before him.
T.nvo is a ouccr article. People fall
into it, arc led by it, get into all sorts of
trouble for it, and frequently go to jail on
fits account. It swiuuies uio youug.iuan
and deceives tho young woman, it puts
on a fine dress, when at heart all 13 hollow
and fiigid. It smiles from a tloud, weeps
rfrom a laugh, and docs various other mat
ters neither mentioned in Genesis or 'Rev
elations. It makes people i tho happiest
and mos miserable of folks, and comes
and goes in all shapes. Cupid is a riddle.
4
-afWliivi. '"