8
THE SCHANTOX TRIBUNE SATURDAY MOllXTXO, FEHttUAHY 1, 1805.
Novel
Busy
Ideas of
Lawmakers.
Some of the
Propositions
Compiled for the Sorunton TrJbune.
Kven prior to the adoption, on May
12, ISM, of a strong supplementary luw,
" New York's compulsory education law
worked well. It was passed May 11,
1S74, and amended May 20, 1S76. It com
pelled the attendance of children be
tween the ageB of eight and fourteen
years at public or private schools fuur
' teen weeks in each year, eight weeks of
which attendance should be consecu
tive. If not In attendance at public or
private schools, home instruction for
the same period was required. Although
this law made no provision for the cor
rection of truancy, a statement laMy
made by Superintendent John Jasper,
of the New York city schools, shows
that truancy declined under It. He
cited the fact that during the years i f
1S70 to 1S74, Just prior to the enactment
of the old law, the average number of
arrests was 1,221, while during the year
1S93 the number of children arrested
wac only 441. The interesting fact was
also revealed that truancy had been
suppressed to a great extent. In 1H70
there were 103 arrests for truancy; In
1S71, 71; in 1S72, 99: In 1S73, 139; In 1S74,
, H. Coming down to 1SS9, only 17 arrests
for truancy are recorded. In 1S90 '.he
number of arrest rose to 47; in 1S91 it
receded to 39: in 1892 to 2S, and in 1N93 to
26. These statistics show that during
the live years of 1S70 to 1H71 inclusive
there were 493 arrests, while during the
live years of 1SS9 to 1S93 inclusive the
total was only 157. The last legislature
adopted on May 12, 1S94, what Is known
as the Compulsory Kducatkm law,
which materially strengthens the de
fects of the old New York law. This
new luw requires the regular attend
ance of every child between eight and
sixteen years old upon Instruction at a
school In which at least reading, spell
ing, writing, arithmetic, Knglish gram
mar and geography are taught, or upon
equivalent instruction by a competent
teacher elsewhere than at school. A
fine of $o0 is imposed upon parents or
guardians who neglect the observance
of this law. and upon firms or corpora
tions employing children between the
ages of eight and twelve during public
school term time. The law went into
eff-.-ct on January 1, 1S93. Teachers are
required to supply accurate record of
the attendance of all children between
the ages mentioned. Provision is male
also in the law for arrest without war
rant of any child between, eight and
sixteen found away from home as a
truant from instruction. A section alo
provides for the establishment of tru
ant schools, that Is, free schools set
apart In seperate rooms in public school
buildings for children between seven
and sixteen who are habitual truants
from instruction. The testimony of
New York newspapers and educators
as to the new law's operation up to date
Is, upon the whole, favorable.
Anti-Railroad Legislation.
The average American legislator
somehow has, or at least appears tj
have, an Instinctive enmity for rail
roads. With nearly three-fourths the
total railway mileage of the country
operated under receiverships, and not
much chance yet visible of a material
improvement in this unhappy condition
of affairs, the American legislator goes
right on making laws to harass and
hinder and vex the soul of the corpora-
tion manager. Below are four meas
ures simultaneously Introduced in three
different states; and if we had scanned
the papers of that one day more care
fully we should probably have found
several others besides. The first one
is a New York measure, by which As
semblyman Glen proposes to amend the
railroad law so as to confer the stop
over privilege upon all holders of tickets
sold at the maximum rate of fare.
Mr. Glen proposes also to compel rail
roads not authorized to charge more
than 3 cents a mile to sell l,()00-mlle
mileage books for $20. Out In Minne
sota, where the grangers greatly are In
evidence, we find two bills sprung in
one day. One, he Christensen bill,
would like to make the state railroad
commission the regulator of railroad
rates and fares. It provides that the
commission shall annually require of
the common carriers of the state and
of all shippers, the tariffs of rates, fares
and classifications charged and received
by the common carriers, and that the
commission should then meet at the
state capltol and proceed to revise the
rates and fares and establish such new
charges as it deems expedient. The
Attorney general shall represent the in-,
terests of the state at such meetings,
and the common carriers may be repre
sented by counsel. The other, known
as the Jacobscm bill, proves that com
mon carriers shall provide at all points
of connection, crossing or intersection,
when it Is practicable and necessary in
the Interest of traffic, ample track con
nections with Intersecting lines for the
, transfer of the regular business of their
lines, and prohibits any discrimination
on freight forwarded to another line of
shipment. It provides that upon de
mand of one or more persons Interested,
or of the grain and warehouse com
mission, such railway company must
establish a reasonable Joint through
rate for transportation of freight with
in the state. Lastly, up in Wisconsin,
Senator Bashford has a bill providing
for filing with the railway commission
era by all railroad companies in 'that
. state schedules of charges for carrying
freight between all points In the state
and points and terminal stations in
adjacent states. In force June 23, 1894,
and making such schedules .the maxi
mum rates; maintaining the 20,000-mile
ticket transferable, and cutting max
imum charge for a single fare to 4 cents,
Instead of 5 cents per mile., The present
6-cent rate for a round trip remains.
It prohibits the charge of a greater
sum for a car load on the same road
through the same Intermediate points.
Is it any wonder that railroads do not
earn dividends?
lor on Honest Peach flasket
' The Haugutuck and Ganges Porno-
' logical society, an organization of Mich
igan fruit growers, chartered by the
state in 1870, and numerically one of tha
strongest Socltles of Its kind In' the
state, has passed a resolution by a ris
ing and unanimous vote that the pass!
age of a law should be urged before the
manufacturers of peach and other fruit
packages to stamp the capacity on
every package manufactured. The
necessity for such action arises from
the practice of a certain class of fruit
growers of shipping their product in
baskets cunningly contrived to repre
sent those of at greater capacity.
t A bill has been reported to the Mich
, Igan house of representatives requiring
i lobbyists to be registered, and forbid
ding hearing by committee of any per
son not so registered.
The Howe bill. In Indiana, is novel for
the reason that It gives to non-union
More Interesting
of America's Able Solons.
men the same legal protection which
has already been given to union men.
It fixes penalties of from $100 to $."00,
with six months' Imprisonment, on any
organization or persons who shall
threaten to strike or boyVott an em
ployer of labor if he does not discharge
non-union employes.
Illinois solons are also wrestling with
a bill to abolish capital punishment.
Representative Biiquadello hus Intro
duced a blvl In the Illinois legislature to
prohibit the manufacture, sale and giv
ing away of cigarettes. It provided
that cigarettes shall Inculde all prepar
ations of tobacco wrapped In paper or
any kind of tobacco for such use, and
impregnated with opium, stramonium,
belladonnu, alcoholic liquor, vulcriiu,
touca bean, or Mellotts, or any other
deleterious matter Injurious to the
health. In any prosecution under this
act it shull devolve upon the defense to
show that the articles In question are
not cigarettes.
Tribuiiuls of Conciliation.
Trlbunuls In which intending litigants
are brought together bvfore Judges who
are virtually arbitrators, and tlu lr dif
ferences adjusted without the aid of
lawyers, are very popular In Sweden
and Norway, and are said to have had
a good effect In diminishing the amount
of litigation and saving costs. Such a
tribunal was established In North Da
kota two years ago, and Senator The
den, of Minneapolis, has now Introduced
a bill to establish such courts In Minne
sota. It provides for the election of six
commissioners of conciliation in each
town, incorporated village or city. A
Justice of the peace und two commis
sioners compose a court of concilia
tion. Parties having differences to
settle may come before this court; the
court will hear evidence under suv.ii
rules as it may prescribe, and after the
hearing will endeavor to persuade the
parties to an amicable agreement. If
they suceed, judgment is entered in
accordance therewith. If they fail, the
regular courts are Btlll open to the dis
putants. The commissioners receive no
compensation unless a settlement is
effected, and then they receive the same
mileage and per diem as is now allowed
Jurors. v
To prevent extortion by sleeping
car companies is the object of the Klls
worth bill, an Illinois project. Such
corporations are declared to be common
carriers, and the maximum rates for
the use of berths, sections and state
rooms for twenty-four hours are fixed
as follows; Lower or upper berth, $1;
one section, comprising a lower and
upper birth, $2; stateroom, $3.
New AiJ to Easy Divorce.
Senator Morgan, of Minnesota, has
introduced a bill to add another cause
to those now sufficient to secure a
divorce in that state. It specifies that
the excessive and habitual use of nar
cotic or other drugs to such an extent
as to render the marital relation intol
erable should result In iviping out the
oaths taken before Hymen's altar.
One of the socialistic, or, more prop
erly, paternalistic schemes under con
sideration by the Illinois legislature
proposes to give cities and villages
power "to regulate the sale of bread In
cities or villages, prescribe the weight
and quantity of bread In the loaf and
the price at which the same shall be
sold."
If the Selbyblll becomes a law In
Illinois, the fool who "didn't know it
was loaded" will have harder legal
sledding than he has now. This bill
provides that "whoever shall Inten
tionally aim or point any gun, revolver,
pistol or other weapon of like character
at any person pr persons, except In self
defence, shaH be guilty of a misdemean
or and upon conviction shall be fined
In any sum not exceeding $200."
Stringent Corrupt Practices Act.
One of the most thorough and com
prehensive acts fur the suppression of
corrupt practices In elections ever Intro
duced in an American legislative as
sembly is now pending In Minnesota,
and Is known as the Smith bill. It not
only makes It a crime to accept a bribe
with the understanding that your vote
will be cast for some particular person,
but It is Just as bad if you agree to vote
for any particular candidate. The
promise of any office, place or employ
ment, or a promise to endeavor to se
cure the same in return for a vote, Is
declared a misdemeanor. The provi
sions of the act are also made to apply
to the person furnishing the money
with the intent that It shall be used for
bribery. It Is also made unlawful for
any candidate ro make any'wager upon
election results. The payment by em
ployers of salaries In envelopes upon
which any political mottoes, advice or
argument, or the exhibition In any
workshop or factory of handbills In
tending to Influence the votes of his em
ployes is declared guilty of a misde
meanor. The measure also contains a
section requiring a candidate to file
complete expense lists no later than live
days after election. The expenditures
must in no case exceed the following
sums: Candidates for United States
senator, congressman, and stute offices,
(except members of the legislature), and
supreme court Justices, $500; legislative
candidates, $150; candidates for county
offices, except district Judges, $200; city,
village and municipal offices, $100. Any
Infringement Is declared a misdemean
or, and the violator thereof shall forfeit
his right to the ofllce for which e was
a candidate.
Stealing Mr. O'Malley's Thunder.
Representative "O' Mai ley, of the
Fourth district Is not alone In his re
pugnance to the raffle ticket. Assem
blyman Conkllng, of New York, has
"been there," too, and smarting under
these experiences has offered the fol
lowing amendment to the penal code:
Any person who Solicits from a candi
date for an elective ofllce money or
other property, or who seeks to Induce
such candidate to purchase any ticket,
card, or other evidence of admission to
any ball, picnic, fair, or entertainment
of any kind, Ik guilty of a misdemeanor;
but this section shall not apply to a
demand for a contribution of money
from an authorized representative of
the political party to which such candi
date belongs.
There Is under consideration at Al
bany the following proposed amend
ment to the penal code: A person who,
willfully, and without authority, either
opens or reads, or causes to be opened
or read, a sealed letter, telegram, or
private paper, or publishes the whole
or any portion of such a letter, or tele
gram, or private paper, knowing It to
have been opened or read without au
thority; or takes a letter, telegram, or
private paper belonging to another, or
a copy thereof, and publishes the whole
or any portion thereof; or publishes the
whole or any portion of such letter,
telegram, or private paper, knowing
It to have been tnken or copied without
uuthoiity, Is guilty of u misdemeanor,
l or u School of Housewifery. '
If the Minnesota- state grange can
have Its way with the St. Paul solons,
the people of that enterprising com
monwealth will soon be treated to the
establishment of a state school to which
the farmers' daughters can go in win
ter, it Is to be a school of housewifery
in the broadest sense. In it are to be
taught those things that every house
keeper should know. Including cooking
and the chemistry of the kitchen, sew
ing and the other arts which make a
woman a better wife.
Another shy at the trusts has been
taken In Minnesota, In the form of a
bill fathered by Senator Potter, of Min
neapolis, which provides that every
contract, combination in the form of a
trust or otherwise, or conspiracy, or
agreement to regulate or fix the charges
or prices to be made for any commodity,
or to regulate or tlx the priefnr churxo
to be mude by any railroad, Insurance
I company, transportation company, or
otner corporations, copartnership, syn
dicate or Individual for frtlght or trans
portation rates, or premiums, or uny
other matter whatever, is hereby de
dared to be Illegal, and every person,
1 1 f tn. syndlcutc or corporation who shull
make any such contract, agreement,
combination or conspiracy shall be
deemed guilty of a felony, and on con
viction thereof shall be punished by
tine not exceeding $,000 and by impris
onment in the penitentiary for not less
than one yeur or more than live years.
SOME WAR STATISTICS.
Terse facts Concerning the (ireatcst He
hellion of This Century.
The whole number of men furnished
to the I'nlon army, according to the
adjutant general's report of November,
9.1SS0, from the firing on Fort Sumter
to the close of the war was 2,S65,028, of
which the northern states furnished 2,
432,801 men. The census of IStiO showed
tlmt the number of white males of the
military age (between 18 and 4") In the
northern states was 4.327.000, so that
the troops furnished by them to the
I'nlon army were 5(1 per cent, of their
available men. Turning to the slave
states, the first discovery Is the amaz
ing one that Delaware furnishes a lar
ger number of troops to the Union army
in proportion to her available mili
tary population than any other state
In any part of the country. This is so
contrary to accepted ideas that the
average northern Republican would
pronounce the statement absurd on its
face. Hut the figures leave no room for
doubt. Delaware had in 1860 only 1,8.
273 white males between the ages of 18
und 45. She sent 13,670 men into the
I'nlon army, which equaled 74.8 per
cent. New Hampshire contributed only
about 54 per cent., Vermont and Massa
chusetts 58. Maine 59, Rhode Island 66,
Illinois and Ohio 60, Kansas 72, and In
diana 74.
The other border states did nearly as
well. Marylund had 102,715 white males
of army age, and 50,316 of them did ser
vice for the L'nlon, being almost exact
ly 40 per cent. Kentucky had 180,5K
men to call upon, and 79,025 or nearly
44 per cent, responded. Missouri had
232,781 white males, 109,111 of whom
went Into the Union army, being almost
47 per cent. West Virginia did not
fall behind. She had 66,500 white males,
of whom 32,068 became Union soldiers,
or more than 48 per cent. Kven Ten
nessee, one of the states which actually
seceded, furnished no Jess than 31,092
to 'the Union army.
Altogether the 'thirteen Blave stales
contributed 432,227 men In defense of
Merry Momemits with Fashiopers of Verse8
The Old CupboarJ.
You may talk about your sideboards, with
compartments by the score,
With their three-foot bevel mirrors, 'most
as wide as my front door;
Or your boofays. fine do sickle, with their
JIm-erarks fair to see
But the old three-cornered cupboard Is
Just good enough for me.
Ah. the one that used to 1111 a gpuduus
corner that 1 knew!
How the mem'ry or it comes and makes
me hungry through and through!
While It wusn't built for show no much,
it wasn't bad to see,
And without a German lookln' gluss 'twas
gooil enough for me.
Even washday, evenln', mornlii', night or
day, or ruin or shine.
Did I always Und It tilled with whut I
freely might make mine;
And they weren't the a la dishes thut
we're brought down now to see,
Hut the eatn's in the cupboard were Jiist
good enough for me.
There was chicken, fried and Juicy, and
a hambone to your taste,
And some cold things left from dinner
thut It wasn't right to waste;
And such biscuits, enkes arid pumpkin
pies I never hopo to see
As I uto from thut old cupboard that wps
good enough for me.
It stood ready for a traveler or a hungry
boy from school
As to when und where and how much ho
might eat there was no rule;
He was welcome to a plenty and the best
thut there might be
In the liounlenuH old cupbourd that was
good enough for me.
And at Christmas there wus turkey, full
of stulfln' crisp and brown,
And a fruit cake and plum pudding ami
mince pies of home renown,
With an er.tra dish for soma one thounh
a liespar he should be
In that generous old cupboard that was
good enough for me.
I have seen new-fangled sideboards, with
their silver plate galore,
With their china and their cut glass
'most enough to fill a store;
Hut I'd gluilly swap the whole shebang
and everything I see
For a chance at that old cupbourd that
was good enough for me.
Furniture Trade Review.
'.
Tho Income Tax.
What Is the size of your Income? Give us
the figures, prnyj
And don't you be modnst about It, for shy
ness won't do loduy,
All you who've been ostentatious and liv
ing beyond your means,
Go down to the tax assessor and Invite
him behind the scenes.
Where Is your ennh Invested? Open your
coffers wide,
The Bogle-man of the Treasury Is stand
ing at your side,
He's noted your yacht and your horses;
he's noticed the way you sup,
And he's going to be mighty careful how
you foot your columns up.
He's been on tho "roof" at the opera, and
has envied you in your box,
And he's always wanted a chance like this
to whack at the man with stocke.
He's stood by the cafe window and
watched you lunch within,
And he has a pretty good, notion of the
size of your pile of tin,
He's thought you were going It lively,
were traveling much on your shape,
But now he's going to prove It, backed up
i by square miles ot red tape;
Arid you who've been ostentatious must
tell the whole truth today,
the Union, Kentucky also furnished
23,703 colored, which do not enter into
this calculation.' Maryland aivd Mis
souri have supplied 'the sume arm of
service. It thus appears tluct tniH-eev-enth
of the Union army came from the
south.
.
A KANSAS NEW WOMAN.
She I'scd Her Almksninnslilp to Good Ad
vantage. A Miss Agnes Johns, aged 21, repre
sents the new woman of Kansas. She
had secured a plot of land in Cherokee,
but while away visiting her parents
Inst month It was annexed by one Sam
Bartell. On her return she culled on
the gentleman, and pistols were drawn,
with the result that Mr. Bartell lived
only live minutes more, and Agnes re
gained possession of her plot, and had
good reason to congratulate herself on
huving practiced pistol shooting.
Call for Ministers
To Get to Work..
The municipal Problem Requires
lore Than Soft Phrases.
Editor of The Tribune.
Sir; The alarming extent and ma
lignity of municipal corruption In this
country has led some of our most en
thusiastic democrats to Inquire
whether after all, popular government
Is not a failure. If It fulls to secure
good government In the great center!
of population, which are likewise cen
ters of influence, it falls utterly, no
matter how creditable It may be In
other respects. The discussion of this
subject In any of Its phases, is really a
discussion of government In Its broad
en t uspeets. It Is therefore a subject
of more than passing Interest. It is
vital It concerns the well-being of the
commonwealth.
A first glance at the subject will nat
urally Incline one to pessimism; for
corruption has grown with the growth
of the city, lnstunces of depravity are
discovered that make one afraid of
the species, and almost hopeless of Its
redemption. To the casual observer,
the city Is as beautiful and desirable
for habitation us primitive Eden; but
upon Investigation, the trail of the ser
pent is found, reaching In sinuous In
iquities down to the very vestibule of
perdition, and he wonders how the
cataclysm of Sodom and Gomorrah can
be longer delayed. ,
r.xumlnutlon of the Causes.
An examination of the causes lead
ing to this deplorable condition will at
once turn one to optimism. For it la
found that the degradation has come
about through the almost total neglect
of civil duties by the energetic, honest,
virtuous and thrifty of our population.
While this Is not by any means the
sole cause of municipal corruption. It
contributes to it to such an extent, that
If we can at once and forever remove
It, we shall have entered upon the
highway of municipal decency. And
then, again, we can never get out of
the swamps and wilderness of munici
pal putrescence and midnight darkness
unless this criminal neglect is removed.
But while this is, as it seems to me, a
fair statement of the case, I believe it
so very easily possible to arouse the
lethargic to a sense of their duties, and
to the exercise of them, that the purifi
cation of municipal politics becomes
one of the first events of the early
morning. I do not believe that it is
far distant, nor difficult of ultimate
You've got to admit you're a fraud, sir, or
you've got to step up and pay.
So tell us the size of your Income; ac
count for euih little red cent,
This terrible cud, the collector, knows
pretty well what you huve spent,
And If you think to escape him by malt
ing It smull you will fall,
And eml, If you try to deceive him, in a
small private box at the Jail.
John Kendrli k Bungs.
A Monopolist's Wants.
My wants ure few, I sit serene.
Upon contentment's highlands.
If I can huve eurlh's continents
I cure not for its Islands.
1 would not climb upon a throne
Through sens of bloody slaughter,
If I run call all lands my own,
Why you cun huve the wuter.
Give me but these, they are enough
To suit my humble notion,
And you can have for all your own
The land beneath the ocenu.
And 'tis u generous slloo of earth,
And doubtless quite prollllc,
If you eun only drain It once;
The bed of the Pacific.
And all I ask Is Just this earth,
To regulate and man it.
And 1 surrender all my claims
To every other planet.
And so you see 1 cut my cloth
On a contracted pattern;
Give me the earth, 1 drop nil claim
To Uranus and Saturn,
I.lttle I need, my wants are few,
Nor would I have them greater.
I only want the land between
The poles and the equator.
Give me tho earth, 'tis all I ask,
For me und my wife Sarah,
Then I'll give all my fellow men
A house lot In Snhuru.
The enrth Is very, very small,
And not In good repair;
Compared with Sirlus It Is
A very small affair.
And I Just want It while I live,
And Death, I'll not resist him.
For ufter death 1 hope to get
The whole great solar system.
Sam Walter Fow.
.
The Song of the Tooth.
(With Apologies to Tom Hood.)'
With nerves all tattered and torn,
With weary and aching head, ,
The patient sat In the dentist's chair,
Sighing, "Ah, would I were dead."
Bet-ape, scrape, scrape;
Don't mind me a b't, forsooth!
I am paying a nlco high price for this fun,
Bo have a good time with my tooth,
Drill, drill, drill,
The "dear" little wheel moves fust;-' 7.
Drill, drill, drill, -
Till it reaches the nerve at last.
"Stop, can't you, a minute," I say;
"Are you boring a 10-foot well?"
Oh, Dante, hud you lived In our day,
There would be a now torment In Hell.
Hammer and poke and press.
Till the brain begins to swim;
Hammer and press and poke, ,
Till at last the filling Is In.
"And when Bhall I call again?
Wednesday at nine, you say?
Oh, no I You did not hurt at all.
Well, I'll be here on time, air. Good
day."
New York Commercial Advertiser.
A Very Moral Man.
There's So-and-So, a moral man,
" And all who know him, know it,
He strives to do the best he can,
And strives his best to Bhow It.
' I
He never stole In all his life, '
And he's prepared to prove It;
and successful attainment. God for
bid that 1 should ever lose faith In the
sensitiveness of the American con
science. But the people are not aroused; they
continue indifferent and neglectful, and
the satanlc muchlnatlons of the cor
rupt boBS and his cabinet continue
without rebuke. Do you expect, the
people to arouse themselves? When
Nineveh had become corrupt to the
very core, and ripe for destruction, did
its own citizens call a convention, put
an Independent ticket In the field, and
cleanse the Augean stables? No, but
God sent one of his. prophets to cry
against the city: "Yet forty days and
Nineveh shall be overthrown;" and the
trumpet voice of prophetic denuncia
tion brought the city to Its senses, and
to repentance and reformation.
A Call to tho Ministers.
The query is a most pertinent one.
Has (log; no present day prophets? Or
are they playing the llrst act of this
Jonahian tragedy and omitting tho sec
ond? Are they fleeing from tho rugged
path of duty and seeking for ease? Or
do they still writhe uneasily In the belly
of tlie great fish? Verily, "Judgmenl
must begin at the house of God." God's
ministers must awake from their mid
century sloth and cry out In the dialect
of the age, rebuking its sins, and sum
moning the people to repentance, Tlu-y
talk the language of Asndod; they talk
In a metaphysical Jnrgon that serve
to bewilder and befog. Or they say
smooth things that serve as palliatives,
when words that cut like knives are
needed. Upon a recreant ministry and
a Bleeping church rests the blame for
the existing corruption In city and In
the Btate. Selfish and proud and hard
hearted Christians have content with
tithing mint and anise and cummin,
while Justice bus been banished from
political councils, prostituted In courts
of law, and hounded out of the mar
kets. The people ure anxious to know
the way out of the quugmires, and they
wait to be guided by prophetic voices.
Who shull utter them? Will you give
us an answer?
Scranton. Feb. 15. D. M. Klntcr.
- - -
COULD STAND ANOTHER.
An Amusing Incident of the Prohibitory
Law in Maine.
Maine Is a prohibition state and theo
retically It Is a very dlllicult undertak
ing to get a drink there, unless It' is
for medicinal purposes. In practice
such difficulties dwindle into mole-hills,
but neverthless the following story told
by the Lewiston Journal Is amusing If
rather overdrawn: A big red-faced fel
low, who was suffering from a long
spell of enforced abstinence as well
as from an injured toe, was brought
into the office of a well known physician
of central Maine to have the toe ampu
tated. The sufferer objected to the use
of ether or choloform, but when the
doctor turned out a tumbler of whiskey
for him to drink he no longer opposed
the proceedings, and the toe was cut
off without trouble.
Reviving after the operation, he
looked at the foot meditatively for a
moment, and then cocked his eye
shrewdly at the doctor. "Say, doc," he
remarked, "gl' me another tumblerful
of that whisky, an' you may cut off
another toe, if you wanter."
Plausible.
fcuslngly he watched the smoke from
his cigarette fade into nothingness.
"I wonder why he in always dwelling on
his wife's talents," he observed."
The other fellow, who was operating a
coarse cigar, laughed.
"He hasn't any of his own to live on,"
he rejoined.
.He knew of gold, within a safe.
But hudn't strength to move It.
He's proud of his Integrity,
He's honest to the letter,
HiB Hps would scorn to tell a lie.
When truth would pay him better.
If e'er he loves, he's moral then,
Nor lets his passion fret him;
He never kissed his neighbor's vvife
Becuuse she wouldn't let him.
Bernhurdt Thrall.
Whut We Arc Coming To.
By an evolution frantic
A mulden onco romantic
Assumes the prerogative ofman;
In ull that's scientific
She simply Is terrific e.
Knows Latin, Greek, Hebrew, the Koran.
For athletics she's a notion;
To foot ball her devotion
Makes her entirely oblivious to pain.
In her padded knickerbockers
She lives up with the "blockers."
And causes her opponent contusion of the
brain.
The clubs that she selects
Are free from nil defects;
(Dogs and men und chaperons prohibited;
But cigarettes and wine.
Whiskies old and tine,
By the pressing of the button are ex
hibited.) In politics she's strong,
She never knows slnfs wrong.
To obstacles she never will succumb,.
To arguo long's her mission,
(She votes by Intuition,
But no surprises evor strike her dumb.)
She hns not a touch of meekness.
And if she has a weakness.
It's a masculine desire to be tall.
To everything you mention
She's given her attention,
And congratulates herself she knows It
II. Boston Traveler.
Ilnhy's llnndw.
Dainty, dimpled, little things,
Soft as r.ngels' plumey wings,
Naught to do but grow,
Awkwardly you move about.
Up and down, anil In und out.
Tell mo do you know
Why such antics you go throuah?
What you're trying now to do?
Where you want to go?
Dainty, dimpled, little things.
Clutching, as your cradle swings,
At thin nothingness,
Who can tell what you will hold,
',' When your grusp is llrm and bold?
v
May be honor may be gold
. May be nothingness!,
Dainty, dimpled, little things.
Whatsoe'er tho future brings,
There'll be work for yon.
Though you still be soft and white,
You cannot your duties slight
While there's work to do.
There'll be burdens to be lifted,
From the bad, good must be sifted,
From the false, the true;
And though you're so soft and small,
Of this work, a part will fall,
Little hands, on you.
Womankind.
The Astronomer and tils Brldo.
They took no common wedding trip,
That sclent I tic pair;
For Europe und the Orient
They said they did not care.
Mo voyage on the sea for them
Na tide In stuffy cars!
They took their telescopes and ranged
All o'er the planet Mars.
Chicago Tribune.
Health Hints and
Rules of Hygiene.
Dr. Julius Althaus has been Investi
gating the prevulencc and fatality of
nervous discuses. He has curefully ex
amined the annual reports mude to. the
registrar general of England for n
period of thirty years, and below are
Jome of his conclusions: There is no
question that certain functional neu
roses, more specially failure of brain
power, hysteria, hypochondriasis and
similar affections, have been for some
time past on the Increase owing to the
fact that the struggle of life Is keener,
the competition more Intense, the work
heavier, and the anxloty more absorb
ing, than used to be the case In previous
periods of the history of mankind, more
especially In the large centers of popu
lation. The nervous system Is, there
fore, more liable to break down by
exhaustion rthan was the case In for
mer times. This, however, does not ap
ply to the really organic or structural
diseases of the brain and spinal cord,
.Mich as tumour, softening, Inflamma
tion, tic, nor to epilepsy and Insanity,
which continue to occur in about the
'imi! ratio now us they have done be
fore. Dr. Althaus complains that many of
his predecessors in this field of Inquiry
have reached wholly erroneous conclu
sions. Thus M. Falret, for many years
physician to La Salpetriere, ascertained
that of 2,297 casts of apoplexy, 1,100 oc
curred in males and only 637 In fctmales;
and Dr. Hammond, of New York, found
the proportion to be 153 male and 76
female cases in a total of 229. These
numbers led those authors to confident
ly express the opinion that apoplexy oi
cerebral hemorrhage was more com
mon amongst men than amongst wo
men; and yet It Is shown by Dr. Alt
haus' researches, which comprise not
229 as Dr. Hammond's, or 2,000 like M.
Fabret's, but nearly a quarter of a
million cases, that women, In England
at least, are rather more liable to die
of apoplexy than men, and this not only
for a year or two, but absolutely In the
whole period over which the Investiga
tion extends. Unless we therefore as
sume that deaths from apoplexy occur
In France and In the United States in
a very different proportion from what
they do in England, we are led to the
conclusion that the two physicians Just
named accidentally happened to come
across more cases of males than fe
males in the limited field of observa
tion which was at their disposal, and
that their deductions are therefore ue
vold of value.
This Is the doctor's summary of his
findings:
First The rute at which diseases of the
nervous system prove fatul to the popula
tion of this country is a steady one, and
subject to u dellnlte law, to which there
are not any or only apparent exceptions.
This rate does not appear to vary per
ceptibly from time to time, and umounts
to ubout 12 per cent, of the entire mortal
ity from ull causes.
Second Diseases of the nervous system
occupy the fourth rank amongst the mal
adies destructive of human life, beln
only surpassed In fatality by zymotic, tu
bercular and respiratory diseases.
Third Nervous diseases are not, as If
commonly asserted, more frequent, but,
on the contrary, less numerous In lare
towns than in the country, and it is prob
able that their occurrence is powerfully
Influenced by race.
Fourth Sex has a considerable influ
ence on the productions of nervous dis
eases; for although in this country the
population of females exceeds that of
males, the deaths of males from nervous
affections preponderate constantly over
thosa of females, the male death rate be
ing 12.94 and the female 11.02 per cent.
Fifth Age has even a more powerful
Influence on the production of nervous
diseases than sex; for these maladies at
tain an immense maximum in the first
year of life, owing to the great prevalence
of Infantile convulsions. They are much
less frequent In youth and middle age,
and attain a second maximum in old agj
that Is after seventy-owing to the pre
valence of apoplexy and paralysis; but the
second maximum amounts to only about
the tenth part of the first maximum at
tained during infant life.
It Is now something over a year since
one William Klnnear advanced his
ingenious formula for prolonging the
life of mankind 130 years beyond the
Scriptural limit of three score and
ten. Yet candor impels the confession
that the mortality rates show as yet
no signs of a large decrease in conse
quent thereof; and it begins to look
very much as If the modern man, con
stantly terrorized as he Is by new mi
crobes, mephitisnis, social problems,
and augmented tax rates, had about
concluded not to avail himself of the
Klnnear prescription for longevity, but
had preferred. Instead, to shuttle oft
this burdensome mortal coll as rapidly
as the law will permit. That prescrip
tion, you will remember, wns a fol
lows: "Avoid all foods rich in earthy
salts, using much fruit, especially
Juicy, uncooked apples, and take daily
two or three tumblerfuls of distilled
water with five, ten or fifteen drops
of dilute phosphoric acid In each glass
ful." If any Scrantonlan desires to V
this experiment, he can do so at vc
Btnallcost; and If iteaureshlmtollve V
years, he will have the satisfaction,
doubt, of seeing a good many ndvanr
in human knowledge and achlcvemen
which you and I can only dream about.
. j
His Kindly Feelings:
The patient had been sick a long time
and the doctor hnd done his best but in
vain, and the end was approaching.
"If you have anything to say before
going," said the doctor, "It will be best
for you to say It now."
"Well, doctor," replied the patient
cheerfully,'"! have only the kindliest
feelings for you, for I'm sure you
wouldn't lose so good a .customer as
I've been If you could possibly prevent
lt."-Detrolt Free-rress. ,
HEALTH FOR THE MILLION:
A tenspoonful of the phosphate of so
dium In a tcacupful of hot water sipped
For hives, take a tablesooonful dose,
every night at bedtime, ot tho aromatlo
syrup of rhubarb.
while hot after each meal Is recommended
es a cheap, simple and harmless remedy
for Indigestion and flatulence, -
It Is a. fact that ordinary coal oil, or
kerosene, rubbed on the scalp once each
week, will Invigorate the growth of tho
hair. Apil-wlth a sponge or cloth, and
then keep away from the lire.
ul boiiiu Iwu-Ki'u.ii lauiuui of potassium
Iodide dlSBotre one tablet In a wineglass
ful of cold water, sip every few minutes,
allowing ten minutes to pass before the
glass Is emptied. The effect la Immediate
In headaches of purely nervous origin.
To become stout one must eat more of
the starchy foods (bread, potatoes, rice,
sago, cornstarch) and eweet stuffs than
hoe been his habit. He must drink water
two or three quarts every day. Most of
Suggestions That May Save You
riany a Doctor's Bill.
all ho should sleep ten hours out of the
twenty-four.
The physlcan of the Philadelphia Rec
ord, from whose excellent "Health anil
Hygiene" department many of these sug
gestions und remedies are borrowed, says
thut a 3-gruin salicylic acid pill and a
tablespoonful of lime water after each
meal will generally relieve rheumatto
swelling and pain at the knee.
The first thing to do when seeking to get
rid of body lice, says the Philadelphia
Record, Is to remove ull the clothes from
the patient. They should be subjected to
a Hufllilently high temperature tp de
stroy life underclothing can be boiled.
The louse lives and develops in the clothes
chiefly In the seams, visiting the body for
nourishment. An ointment composed of
stuphlNugrla, two drachms, and lard, one
ounce, may be applied to the skin freely.
ImIaPPY CESll'S.
Some of the Great Men Who Have Been
Notably Unhappy la Their Domestic
Arrangements.
From the Minneapolis Tribune.
The miseries of the domestic life of
literary people- of both sexes have
formed a fruitful theme for remark and
comment. It is quite the thing to begin
with Socrates and Xantlppe. the woman
huving unjustly had to bear most of
the blame. Socrates was a good man,
but he lived up in the clouds, leaving
his wife to bear alone the poverty, dis
comforts and hardships of domestic life,
and Xantlppe, who could not at all com
prehend his sublime Indifference -to ap
pearances, or creature comforts, natur
ally became a shrew.
Euripides Is supposed to have had a
wife whose mental and moral worth
lessness barbed thoBe poisoned arrows
which he hurled against thewhole world
of women. This Is known certainly to
have been the case with Mollere, who Is
not a whit behind the Athenian dramat
ist in contempt for a sex which he was
wont to declare was created only for
the destruction of the world. Racine's
wife lived for many years on the money
won from her husband's dramas with
out knowing what a drama was.
Dante, while in his "Vita Nuova" and
the "Divine Comedy" he constantly ex
alts the angelic Beatrice, has never a
word to say of Gemma Donatl, hiB faith
ful wife and the mother of his seven
children.
.Milton's Luckless Venture.
John Milton's marriages were not
happy; but this was largely the fault
of his ideas in regard to man's superior
ity and the duty of woman to be subject
to him as lord and master. The genial
Joseph Addison married a high-strung
widow of wealth and rank who led him
a sorry life. Henry Fielding chose for
his wife an Ignorant servant girl, and
was deservedly unhappy. The famous
anatomist and author, John Hunter,
married a wife who adored fashionable
society which he hated, and they quar
reled constantly. Count Rumford. the
great chemist, had a wife who would go
off Into tuntrums, throw his bottles and
Jars out of the window, and make gen
eral havoc with his scientific collections.
Late in life, the saintly John Wesley
married a widow and a termagant,
who used "to yank him around.- nnrt
pull his hair, and who delighted in tor
menting him. Finally she ran away
from him, and he never asked her to
come back.
Ben Jonson had a shrewish wife very
much after the pattern of Xantlppe.
This woman certainly had much provo
cation for the Bcoldings she gave her
husband, as she fetched him home from
the ale houses beating him every step
of the way.
The domestic infelicities of Lord
Byron and his wife are known to all.
So Is the tragis story of Shelley's first
wife, Harriet Westbronk.
The wife of Dickens might have sat
for the portrait of the child-wife Dora
In "David Coppei tleld." She was good
natured and harmless, but she would
go to sleep when her husband read to
iler even from the most exciting chap
ters of his works. Thackeray's wife
went daft on religious subjects, but he
manfully kept his sorrow from the
world.
Albert Purer, the famous German
painter, had a virago for a wife. In
stances of domestic incompatibility
among the great lights of literature
and art might be multipled. But they
do not prove that the great geniuses
are any harder to live with than com
monplace people. The former are like
cities set on a hill whose light cannot
be hid; while the domestic strifes and
bickerings of the latter class go on un
heeded by the world.
The Other Side.
This shield hns another side. Correg
glo and Hubens had wives bo lovely In
person and character, that from them
they painted those saintly Madonnas
that are the admiration of the world.
The two marriages of Lope de Vega
were supremely happy.
Dr. Samuel Johnson, though married
to a woman twice his age, thought
her the loveliest and most perfect be
ing In the world. Richard Steele, Iord
iarendon, Leigh Hunt. Barry Corn
all, and scores of other British au
airs might be mentioned as having
en very happy in domestic life. Sir
Valter Scott's home life was sunny
nd peaceful, though his wife would
ty, "I must have Walter write some
tore of his trash so that wt may afford
. new carpet."
Mrs. Somervllle, the great mathema
Iclan, was perfect as a wife and
tother, and allowed no studies to sup
lant her domestic duties. The Ideal
narrled life of Robert and Elizabeth
It-owning; was an example to all. Never
lid poet write sweeter verses) -than
hose which Browning addressed to
he wife whom he called hls'''mn. of
loets."
The wife of the poet. Sohlller was
lovely In mind and person. Their home
life passed like a poet's dream. Goeth
seemed content with Christine yulplus.
the common place woman .whom he
hnd made his wife. The marriage of
Chevalier Bunsen, the great German
historian, was an ideally happy one,
These examples, the few among the
many of happy home lives that have
blessed the. world s great authors ana
artists, must suffice for the present.
They disprove the; prevalent theory
hat geniuses are more irritable than
other people, and less liberally en
dowed with the domestic virtues.
The Paradoxical Teuton
How paradoxical the Germans are, com
nlains a Frenchman In Figaro, can best
be seen when they, prepare- a, bowl of
punch. First they put In rum. to mage It
strong, then water to make I weak; lemon
to make It sour and sugar to make,
sweetl Then they raise the gli
say: "Here.'s to your healt
they gulp It down themi
. to provi
i