TIIE SCI? ANTON TRIBUNE F1UDAY MOENTNG. SEP'TEMBEIt 7, 1894.
A TRAMP WITH NEKVK
frIE WAS USED TO DIGGING UP CORPSES
AND DIDN'T FEAR GHOSTS.
A Trick That Fulled to Work in One Case.
The Vagrant Was at Home In a GraTO
y ard a Somo Tromlnent Business Men
Learned After an Attempt to Scare Him.
Will J. Davis told the saunterer a tale
(hat smacks of the flavor of frontier life
and is so different from the usual type of
flouting anecdotes that it is wojth a place
iu a newspaper. Ho calls it the Btory of
tho tramp wit h nerve. The scene is a pros
perous little town on the Union Pucilia
road. There the engine had to stop for
water and from there also a stage line or
two diverged, so that it was a bustling
metropolis for a small town on the wide
plains, But the place bad a greater repu
tation than the Btage line or its commer
cial importance could give it. It was the
station where tho tramps were "ilrcd"
from the truins comiiiK cast and going
west. They were so many In nnmber that
they becsmo a great nuisance, for they had
to be cared for in somo way, else the results
of their predatory excursions would cause
Honeral sorrow.
The business nien were all a healthy, ro
bust, jolly lot of fullows, every one ready
and anxious to play a practical joke when
ho could do it without endangering his own
physical welfare. They put their licadb to
getherfor there is wisdom in a multitude,
of counsel and finally a plan of campaign
was agreed upon. Each newtnunp visitor
was to be met by a committee of one, who
would formally wish him all sorts of bodily
comfort and material success with mental
Berenity. flo would be escorted to the
leading restaurant, and at the town's ex
pense the best dinner was Riven him,
topped off by a satisfying drink and a good
cinr.
TUB GREAT SCHEME.
And when the victuals and viands had
warmed him np to a condition of mellow
ness and the fumes of a first class cigar
had lulled his brain into a placid state this
committeeman unraveled to him a scheme
that would pau ont rich to any one under
taking it. It was this: A rich and miserly
woman, so tho narrative ran, had died a
few days ago, and her last request was that
her diamonds, valued at $10,U00, should be
sewed up under her left arm and buried
with her. It was the dewro of the commit
teeman to undertake this job of resurrect
ing the body and getting the diamonds,
and there was only one obstacle in the
way. lie could got no one to go in with
him.
Every one in town was too cowardly and
dared not do it in spite of the confident ial
offer made by a local jeweler that ho would
give $2,300 spot cash for the jewels. "If
you go in with me," tbe committeeman
would remark, "you can have one-half in
hard dollars, or N.250." The offer was al
ways accepted aud the fun began without
delay. The citizens had on hand a lot of
the tools of a grave resurrectionist, all
ready for nee. This joke was played on
every tramp on the day of his arrival, and
bo that no time should be lost and no more
money expended in his care than was abso
lutely necessary the some night was the
time fixed for the deed.
In anticipation of tho arrival of vagrants
A committeeman was appointed each day.
There was great disappointment in the
town whon tho dinrnal tramp failed to put
in an appearance. Generally they were
quite punctual Their visits averaged five
a week. The tramp of nerve came on tho
day that Will Davis, calmly waitinghis ar
rival when the train pulled in, was to offi
ciate. Ho was a dirty, greasy, wholly di
lapidated appearing fellow, with a desper
ate air and a determined pock marked face.
The word was passed round that the vic
tim had cooio. Will Davis treated him as
the other distinguished visitors had been
treated with an excellent dinner and ci
gars. He was at tho top notch of physical
comfort A hearty dinner, old rye and a
Havana have a wonderful effect on a
tramp's nature.
IN TIIE CEMETERY.
Then tho grave robbing scheme was
broached. Tho man thought it a capital
idea and a mighty good way to earn a pile
of money. "Pard, I can give you somo
points on raising BtmV " hosaid to Davis.
"I'm an old hand at the business and no
one can do a better piece of work in that
line than I am." So the preparations
were completed and the two waited for
nightfall Tho town jokers also got ready.
3n due time Davis and his friend went to
the cemetery with their tools and rigging
and commenced to work.
I3y way of digression it may bo stated
that twelve or fifteen fellows supplied
themselves with white sliects and revolvers
and ulso went to the graveyard before
hand. Each one throw the sheet about
him and hid behind a convenient grave
stone. In the midst of the resurrection
proceedings of course it was on-a mound
prepared for tho purpose that they oper
ated these figures would rise up simul
taneously and with a series of unearthly
yells would fire off the blank cartridges
with which the revolvers were loaded.
The committeeman would bog his friend
the tramp to fly for his life, and in every
case heretofore tho tramp had dropped
spade and tackle, and with yells outcrying
the ghostly apparition would toko to his
heels and get him out of sight as far as his
Jogs wonld carry him. Ho would never
come bock again, and that was tho way
the town got rid of its tramp visitors and
Imd heaps of fun in securing that result.
! But Will Davis' tramp was another kind
of breed. When he had dug a big hole and
seemed to be m a fair way of reaching the
buried treasure the figures rose up accord
ing to custom and began firing. Davis
rolled over and exclaimed: "Oh, I'm shot.
I'm killed. Kun, run for your life." Did
the tramp run? Not a bit of it. He turned
to Davis and in a courageous voice said:
"Partner, I'm here with you, and I'm go
teg to stay with you." And he took a big
revolver from each of his hip pockets and
began to fire, directing his bullets where
he thought tho other shots came from. He
fired real balls, and Davis said that he
could hoiu- them ringing against the grare
fctone, aud he trembled for the safety of
his joking comrades.
; The way those jokers got ont of that
cewotery was a caution. Tliey did not run,
but like a lot of snakes they wriggled and
crawled out. Fortunately no one was in
jured, and it is a wonder, too, for that
tramp scamod to know how to use a revol
ver. Will Davis was only too glad to quit
work and get back to town on the plea that
the surprise had disjointed bis nerves. It
was some time after this before they treat
ed their tramp visitors in a like manner.
Chicago Post.
. The Jndgo Laughed Last and Bert.
A. lull in tho conversation gave tho man
from Kentucky his opportunity. "Talk
ing nlxmt the law's delay," he began,
knocking the ashes from his cigar, which
had gone out while the colonel wag telling
one of his Indian stories, "we've gota judge
down in Ixnifuvllle who won't let the
lawyers fool with him. Not long ago a
young attorney was out with the boys
pretty much tho whole of the night pre
vious to the day set for the trial of one of
Lis clients. Tbe accused man was a negro
known as 'Black Satan,' who was charged
with burglary and larceny. When the
lawyi-r was awakened at 9 o'clock, an hour
before court opened, he felt little like try
lug a cam, but he managed to dress and
apiear In court.
"The judge called the case of the negro,
and the lawyer made every effort to get an
adjournment. He was not ready for trial
but as he had no valid excuse, the judge
Insisted that 'Black Ston' be arraigned at
ouoa,
"Then the lawyer played his trtrmpcani.
He peremptorily ohalleiiRed twenty ot-the
venire of jurymen, thus teariueT. only four
of thorn. Ho bad a legal right to do this,
but the judgo naturally was considerably'
put out. His honor, however, held the
right bower.
'"idirect the sheriff to have a venire of
fifty jurors here at 8 o'clock tonight,' he
said; 'we will try this case then.
"'But, your honor' pleaded the lawyer.
" 'That's enough,' was the answer. Tho
cose was tried that night, bat the negro
was not half defended. His lawyer's nerves
were all shattered by tho loss of sleep, and
at 0:30 o'cloak the case was in the jary's
hands. Tbe lawyer was awakened from
his sleep in his chair at midnighttohetold
that his client had bean convicted of one
charge. The-jury disagreed on the other.
Since that-time that judge has not been
troubled much by lawyers who neglect
their client's interests." New York Trib-
A Story of Meieeonler.
Moissonier once got acquainted with a
Parisian grandee, very wealthy, very fond
of posing as an art patron, but slightly
penurious. One day Meissonior, breakfast
ing with the grandee, whs struck by the
beauty of tint texture of the tablecloth.
"One could draw upon it," ho remarked;
and, suiting the action to tho word, he pro
duced a pencil and made on the smooth,
snowy nap a wonderfully able sketch of
a man's head. The particular tablecloth in
question never went to the wash. The
"economical swell" bod the head carefully
cut out ot the damask, and hastened to
frame and glaze his prize, a few weeks
afterward MoisHonler again breakfasted
with his patron, aud found by the side of
his. plate, at the coracrof tho table assigned
to Mm, a neat little sheaf of crayons and
holders, With a penknife and some India
rubber.
Whrle the guosts-at tbe conclusiouof the
rcpnat were enjoying their -coffee and cigar
ettes, the host saw with clcjiglit, "from the
corner of his eye," that Melssonier was
hard at work on the tablecloth this time
with a superb little full length of a medi
eval halberdier. The party broke up, the
guests departed, and the "economical
swell" rushed back to tho dining room to
secure his treasure, but alasl the painter
had for once shown himtielf as economical
as his patron. Ho hod mode disastrously
good use of his pen knife, and ono corner
of the tablecloth was gone, halberdier and
all I New York Commercial Advertiser,
Three Women In a Horse Car.
There was but one vacant seat in the
car. Two men, an old, gray haired lady,
who was lame in one leg, and a block
haired, block eyed and extremely pert
looking miss of fourteen, perhups, got iu
at a street comer. Tho mun stood up. The
old lady saw the vacant seat and moved
lowly towartl it. The miss, who was just
behind her, also saw the seat, .She. moved
rapidly toward it. She plowed past tho
old ladyand captured the seat. Shedropped
into it and looked around triumphantly.
A sweet facial young woman, handsome
ly dressed and with big and sympathetic
eyes, wus plainly displeased ut the girl's
pre-emption of the scat. She rase quickly
and gave her seat to the lady. Then she
said indignantly to the miss, "You ought
to be usbamcd of yourself I"
"How much do you get," replied the pert
one, with a toss of her head, "for mindiu'
other folks' business!"'
Before the young woman could answer
the old lady spoke. "She gets iu this
case," she said, "the thunks of a very tired
old woman."
A bunch of violets was pinned to tho
young woman's muff. When she left tho
car n few moments later the flowers lay iu
tho oldlady's hip. New York Times.
No Black Ink.
That is a queer phraso that we often hear
"As black as ink." As if ink were ever
particularly blackl Perhaps the phrase
originated wheu the art ot making jet
black ink wus not yet lost, and when
Shakespeare mado Hamlet talk about his
"inky cloak," ho undoubtedly meant a
perfectly black one. The Listener had
some jet black iuks offered him, but every
one of them was either merely gray on the
paper or else tinged with purple, and the
purple tinged inks had a tendency to
thicken and clog on the pen or else rub
from the paper. Not long ago tho Listener
bought a bottle of ink which was mado by
a reputable house and "warranted to write
jet black on tho instant" It turned out
to be a miserable pale stuff. Perhaps its
proprietor, by dint of representing it to bo
jet black, has come really to believe that it
is jet black. Perhaps it is more charitable.
to suppose that he is color blind. An hon
est, clear and freely writing black ink is
the great will-o'-tlie-wispof the Nineteenth
century. Buston Transcript.
Practical Jokes in Scotland.
In a country house iu Scotland ono day,
at luncheon, a pie appeared on the table,
being placed opposite a rather nervous old
lady. Wheu the pie was cut it was discov
ered to be full of live frogs and mice, which
jumped ufid ran in every direction, causing
great havoc among tho woman guests.
A very dignified old gentleman staying
there had tho pockets of his overcoat filled
with red herrings, and two particularly fine
specimens were tied to the tails of his coat.
When he went out ho was followed by all
the dogs in the country.
An npplo pie bed is an .ordinary mode of
amusement in liouses of this kiud. It con
sists of arranging the sheets in such a way
that tho victim, on gettiug into bed, finds
himself in a bog, and has to take all tho
clothes to pieces and rearrange the bed.
New York World.
The Ever Beady Club.
Policeman Tliis man is an impostor, sir.
He pretended to be lame and was getting
alms from the public.
Justicty-But, officer, the man is lame.
His limp is too real to be assumed.
Policeman It is now, yonr honor. I hit
him a dip that's gave him something to
limp for. Pock.
Qramnutioal Point.
Studious Boy Jerry Judd asked,"Wbich
is tne satest, rce yachting or snmrmor sail
ingr" Is that correct?
Father No. He should have said,
"Which is the more dangerousf" Good
News.
JUDGE NOT IN HASTE."
No'cr be harty in your Judsmonl,
Never foromoat to extend
Evil mention of a neighbor,
Or of ono you've call'd a friend.
Of two reasons for an action
Choose tho bottor, not tho worst.
Oft, with Kmc, tho meaner motive
Ever ntrikoH tho fancy first. J
Then be gcntlo with misfortune)
Never foremost to extend
Evil mention of a neighbor,
Or of ono you've call'd a friend.
Jndfro not with detracting spirit
Speak sot with dletlaiuful totijraet '
Nor with hard and hasty faelins
Do ouo human creature wrouir. '
Words there are that, sharp as winter.
Strip the little left to aheer. ,
Oh, uo yours tho kinder mission.
Pro ix) to soothe, not cans a tear.
Then be gentlo with misforttluc;
Never foremast to extend
Evil mention of a neighbor.
Or of one you've call'd a friend. '
New York Ledger.
Snoklen's Arntoa Salve.
The beet salve in the world for Cuts
Braises, Bores, Ulcers, Bait Rheum. Fever
Bores, Tetter. Chapped Hands, Chilblains,
Corns and ill Bkin Eruptions, and posi
tively cures Piles, ot no pay required It
if guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction
or money refunded.'. Pile US cents per
bos. For sale by Matthews Bros.
MOTHS AND THE BROADWAY LAMP.
Why Detectives Hnat for Criminals la
the City's Great Thoroughfare.
"I am waiting for a bunco sharp who
ought to have got into town yesterday or
the day before from New Orleans," said a
detective from police headquarters, who
stood in a doorway on Broadway, near
Twenty-sixth street. "Ho has been out of
town for nearly two years, bnt he had to
tkip Now Orleans on account of a heavy
job he put up on a farmer down there.
We've got to get htm and send him back.
I nver saw him with whiskers, but I'm
told he wore 'em when he started north.
You see I missed him at the depot. He
didn't come-in on the express. Probably
got off at the last stop and came in on a
local. I think he'll be along here somo
time today.
"That's a peculiarity of the crook in this
city. He adores New York to an extent
that leads him into taking all sorts of
risks, and he-simply can't stay away1 from
this strip of hind right along here on Broad
way. Now, there are certain dives all
through this locality where crooks aro in
the habit of congregating, but when ono of
them is wanted be will avoid these.places,
knowing that they arc thp first spots ex
amined by the police. They are like
ostriches, however, that stick their heads
into the sand alwut Broadway and V.ome
out here in the boldest way, thinking them
selves lost in the crowd.
"I was ou a burglary case a few months
ago, and was looking for a man who was
good for fifteen years when I once got the
iron on him. Well, I did the down town
and up town resorts for weeks, and never
get eyes on the chap. I went into dans
where anywhere from ten to twonty jail
birds would be, but my man never snowed
his nose.
"I was beginning to get tired, when one
day I thought I would walk up Broadway.
I was going by the St. James hotel when I
saw a quiet looking, well dressed man with
gray mustache and beard stuuding on tho
steps. Ills high bridged nose and small
eyes were familiar. I made as though I
was going to enter the hotel, and got closo
enough to look at his right cheek. There.
was tho mark I was looking for a long
scar just under tho beard where it grow
thin on tbe cheek.
"I took my man without any more ndo,
and he said when we were on tho way to
headquarters that Broadway had always
got him into trouble. It really is the most
fascinating street in tho world, you know,
and I don't blame the boys for sticking to
it, even if it does play them false. Hollo!
There's Mr. Bunko. I'll have to bo ex
cused. All the way from New Orleans,
aud on Broadway tho first day."
The detective stepped from the doorway,
walked up behind a young man with a
sandy beard, and touching him on tho
shoulder slipped a pair of handcuffs on
him, and before a crowd could gather had
him ou a horse car bound for police head
quarters. New York Sun.
The Tusks of an Elephant.
"The tusks of an elephant are the upper
incisors of tho breast. They aro not in
tended for rhewing, however, but for de
fense. You find nil through creation tho
most astonishing adaptation of the teeth to
necessity. You are familiar, of course,
with tho mighty ivory lance of the nar
whal, tenor twelve feet Iu length and strong
and sharp enough to be driven through the
side of a ship. That lanre is simply tho
left upper incisor of the mammal. Once in
a while by a freak both of the nppcr in
cisors will lie developed in tho narwhal so
that it is equipped with two spears instead
of one. The tooth in this case is designed
fur a weapon in fighting. The female has
no lanco.
Look at the sawfish. The entire length
of its saw,, which is a prolongation of t he
nasal process, is fringed with teeth. Again
you have a weapon merely, the manner of
the creature being to strike right and left
for the purpose of wounding its prey. Iu
mammals, however, tho teeth aro restrict
ed to the jawbones. Lizards and snakes
have them on tbe bones of tho palate as
well. True bony teeth aro peculiar to ani
mals which have backbones.
The most elaborate dental apparatus
known belongs to the sea urchin, whose
jaws are composed of forty pieces, moved
by forty separate muscles. Snails have a
sort of ribbon with which they rasp their
food as with a file. Ant eaters, though
they are mammals, have no teeth at all;
but they get there just the same, having
no need to chew their prey. The whale
bone whale is another mammal that has no
teeth, its practice being to swallow its food
whole Interview in Washington Star.
Going to Canossa,
A correspondent asks: "What is meant
by going to Cunossn?"
The saying refers to tho humiliating pil
grimage made by the Kmperor Henry IV
to Italy in the year 1077. Henry had ob
jected to tlio claims advanced by Gregory
Hildebrnnd, and, refusing to submit, was
excommunicated by that pontiff. The em
peror at first laughed at tho sentence, but
took a more serious view when he found
himself deserted even by his personal at
tendants, and resolved on a journey to Italy
to make his peace with tho popo. Tho lat
ter was then at the Castlo of Canossa, a
fortress of the Countess Mathilda, and sit
uated in the mountAinsof Modena. Thither
the emperor hastened, but the pope refused
to see him save under the most degrading
conditions.
The desperate situation of Henry com
polled him to submit, and for three days
and nights, barefooted and bareheaded,
clad only in a hair shirt, tbe raiment of a
penitent, he waited at the gate. At tho
end of this fearful penance, which was un
dergone in tbe month of January, he was
admitted to the papal presence was ab
solved and received his dominions as a
gift from the pope. The expression bos
ever since been current as indicative of ab
ject submission on any terms imposed by
tho conqueror. St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Tbe Wrst Stove.
The first stop in the dov-elopment of the
stove was an open hearth. In some nations
it has nam advanced beyond that stage,
The Esqnimau to this day, and tbe Indian,
too, for the matter of that, heat their
dwellings by building a fire in the center
of the room or hat, and permitting the
Btnoke to escape through a hole in the roof.
The consideration of light requires that
this bole should be large enough to givo
easy egress to the vapor, and the larger
it is, of coarse, the more heat will escape.
At the same time the inmates of the dwell
ing will have the same trouble that tor
mented the life of Kit Carson's pioneer,
If he have fire enough to warm him he
will burn; if he have not enough it will do
him no good. Chicago Herald.
The Place for the Scarfpln.
In all scarflngs the scarf pin must be
placed so that, whon seen through the
waistcoat opening, it will appear in the
center of that space. To be placed too
high in the scarf, too low, or on one side,
Would destroy the conformity. Clothier
and Furnisher.
Walking Venus Cycling. - -
Some think that cycling Is a substitute
for tho nse of one's legs in tho way most
natural. It Is certainly a faster method of
getting over the ground; in other respects
it is vastly inferior to theold original form
of exercise. Even the accomplished cyclist
cannot help letting his thoughts center
upon his machine, and the various bawds
to which he and it are exposed; " Is the hill
in front too steep to ride upf b the hill
below steep enough to permit of an aban
donment of the treadles and a sut render to
that voluptuous pleasure of brisk motion
throngh siiace, which has something more
than humanly agreeable about itf Will
those children there get out ot the way ; In
time, oris he tSe'riaor foBBWetBeBafOen
of boy&rauglfter upon hissoul? Andao on.
In troth the cyclist is not bait the man
that the pedestrian is at the time of their
respective exercise. The pedestrian can
whistle and swing his sthik, and look to
the right and left ef him, peep with sweet
deliberation into the cottage by the way,
wherein he sees a smooth cheek and a glad
blue eye, which to tho cyclist, urged on by
his fate, are a mere flash of possibilities
and the next moment nothing at all The
cyclist sees too much and too little. He
may have a fair general knowledge of the
country he has sped through; bat ot tbe
details he can recount little. It is no such
immense achievement to watch the scurry
ingot the yellowhammor from one point ot
the hedgo to another five yards farther,
then another five yards on, until at length,
as if it were out of patience with the harm
lessness of the advancing biped, it whistles
off obliquely toward a turnip field.
Still tbe man afoot may take an interest
in birds; or if bo be a lover of plants he
may see a score of kinds amid the under
growth of the hedge at a single protracted
look; aye, and without any fuss stoop down
and examine them. The cyclist, on the
other hand, has a confused vision of
greenery and plowed 'fields or ripening
grain. It is as if ho had eaten his dinner
in one uncomely heap, soup, joint, the wing
of a fowl and a tart or two all being jum
bled horribly togothcr. All tho Year
Hound.
The Good Old Fashion.
The enchantment of distance, like the
haze of Indian summer, is undeniable, but
it is atmospheric. It is not a part of the
thing seen, it is the medium through
which we see it. Tho old fashioned win
ter is such a winter as sometimes occurred
when there was not a new fashioned win
terthat is to say, that sometimes winter
was mild, sometimes severe, as it is now.
But there is no good old fashioned quulity
heroism, self sacrifice, manly persist
ence, truthfulness and honor in all deal
ingwhich has gone out of fashion.
Genius, iudeed, fluctuates from age to
age. There are splendid epochs of art and
literature the age of Pericles, of Augustus,
of the Medici, of Elizabeth; but tho age of
character, of public aud private virtue, is
perpetual. One voico may whisper that
tho Decalogue and the golden rule have
nothing to do with politics. But a greater
voice, swelling iuto a chorus of conviction,
silences it by saying that politics are moral
principles applied to public affairs. The
beauty of tho moral universe, likothatof
visible nature, never lecomcs old fashion
ed. George Willium Curtis in Harper's.
No Winter Climate Like Our Own.
There is no winter climate elsewhere to
compare with that found iu our extreme
southwest or in Mexico, and the sooner we
put this fact iuto poetry and literature and
begin to make a tradition of it the better
will it lie for our peuce of mind and for our
children. Aud if the continent does not
satisfy us, there lie tho West Indies within
a few hours' sail, with all the luxuriance
and geniality of the tropics. We are only
half emancipated yet. Wo aro still apt to
sec the world through the imagination ot
Knglaml, whoso literature wo adopted, or
of Germany.
To these bleak lands Italy was a para
dise, and was so sung by poets who had no
conception of a winter wit hout frost. We
huve a winter climate of another sort from
any iu Eurow; we have easy and comfort
able access to it. The only thing we need
to do now is to correct our imagination,
which has been led astray. Our poets can
at least do this for us. Charles Dudley
Warner in Hurler's.
Biggest Hell In America.
Tho largest bell in America is that of
Notre Dame cathedral, Montreal, which
hangs in tho south lower. It is 0 feet high,
8 feet 7 inches iu diameter and weighs 24.7S0
pounds. It Is ornamented with images of
tho Blessed VirginandSt. John the Baptist,
together with cmblemsof agriculture, com
merce and industry. It was cost in Lon
don in 1847. Iu tho opposite tower hangs a
chime of teu bells, the smallest weighing
807 pounds, the largest 0,011; total, 21,0',H1
pounds. Tho largest liell in the United
States is tho alarm bell on city hall, New
York, which was cast by Blake, of Boston.
It is 6 feet high, 8 feet in diameter and
weighs 23,000 pouuds. Chicago Herald.
A Queer Cure for Sore Eyes.
Funnily enough, an Egyptian connects a
woman with any suffering that may como
to his eyes. If they nche or hurt he looks
out for a blonde woman named Fatima,
begs from her n bit of bread and informa
tion as to whero he will find six more
Fatimas, that he may ask the same favor
of each. Fortunately for him, they do not
nil havo to bo blondes, and awise Egyptian
father, seeing tho value of the name, is apt
to give it to one of his daughters, so thero
are plenty of Fatimas. Whether tho En
glish speaking maiden makes eyes suffer
or not, who can snyf New York Sun.
Not Very Steady,
The lato Rev. Mr. Barty, of Ituthven,
was a man brimful of humor, aud many
good stories are told of him. A vacancy
having occurred in the office of grave dig
ger, one Peter Hardio mado application for
tbe appointment. The pnrish is small,
consisting of five farms. Tho rate per head
having been duly fixed, the minister and
Peter just about closed tho bargain, when
Peter, with an eye to self interest, said:
"But am I to got sternly warkf"
"Keep's a'l Peter," answered Mr. Barty;
"wi steady wark ye'd bury a' tbe parish in
a fortnichtl" London Tit-Bits.
When Turtles Were Big.
"Of the turtles it may bo said that they
represent the most ancient type of all ver
tebrates, resembling closely as they do tho
reptiles of their kind which existed so far
back as the mesoKoic era. There were sea
tortoises during that epoch which meas
ured twenty foot in spread of flippers,
while some tertiary tortoises were not less
big In body, measuring twelve feet from
head to tail. Interview in Washington
Star.
By beating out betweon pieces of mem
brane gold may be formed into leaves of
such thinness that 1382,000 of them will
make a pile one inch in height; a single
ounce of gold may thus be spread over a
hundred square feet.
Thero are atiout 105 women to every 100
men; one-quarter of the population of the
world die before tho age of seventeen years;
ouly one in a thousaud lives to be 100 years
old and only six in a thousand reach sev-ontv-flve.
THE SCHOOL BOY
is often a sufferer
from headache. The
seat of sick headache is
not in tbe brain, for if
you regulate the stom
ach and bowels you'll
cure It. xoo mucn
brain-work and brain-
tire brines on a rush
of blood to the head
with headache, dizzi
ness or " nose bleed."
MIm Berth a Wolm,
of Dautmv, Cattaraugus
Co., N. Y., writes: "I
suffered from loss of
appetite, constipation,
neuralgia, and great
weakness, and had ter
rible attacks of sick
headache very fre
quently; also nose
bleed. My health was
so poor that I was
not able to go to school
for two years. I took
Dr. Pierce's Pleasant
Pellets and 'Golden
l 1 1 Tl t nA
In a short time I was strong and well. Many
friends are taking your medicines, Seeing
what they have done tor me."
v
Miss Woi.rn.
One of North- America's Great Wen.
Threevf mirths or more of Sir John A.
Macdonald's Dolitieal-carnnr has been snent
in office. His success is due to no mere
cleverness or tact or personal magnetism,
iuouku ne possesses all these qualities in
extraordinary degree. In nrrasn of manci
ples and perfection of practice he surpasses
muni, .uruisn statesmen. He Is an omnivor
ous reader, and the first destination of all
the new books received at the Parliament
ary library at Ottawa is at his house, Sta
dacona hall. The adroitness, therefore,
with which he shapes his policy to the
needs of the hour is not wholly due to in
spiration; it is a result of vast knowledge
and profound experience. .
The fascination he exerts on all with
whom he comes in contact is remarkable.
Ono in a rage will go to him determined
to have it out with John A." He is re
ceived by a man of striking presence
and easy, chivalrous manner, who begins
by talking of the weather, digresses and
discourses, tells an anecdote for two, and
by and by conducts his visitor to the door
tho object ot his visit not so much as
mooted. In the art of charming away hos-
tiloor Inconvenient deputations he is un
matched. It is seldom indeed that such
amiability and charm, such an airy veil
of "sweetness and light," have concealed
so great st rength and decision of character.
National Observer.
Burr's Self Control.
Aaron Burr was by nature and training
a man of extraordinary self control. He
allowed no circumstance to throw him off
his balance. An anecdote told by Hufus
Cuoate to the late Richard H. Dana, re
corded in Mr. Dana's "Diary," illustrates
tbe callousness which aided Burr so great
ly in controlling himself. Several years
after the death of Hamilton killed by
Burr in a duel Burr visited Boston, and
Mr. Devoreux, of Salem, paid him some
attentions. Tho visitor was taken to the
Boston athemrmm, where, while the two
men were walking through the gallery of
sculpture, Mr. Devereux happened to catch
sight of a bust of Hamilton.
The thought flashed across his mind that
Burr n-ight not cure to be confronted with
tho sight of the features of the man he hud
slain. But no; Burr was undisturbed. Ho
also espied tho bust, aud although Mr.
Devereux had instictively turned away ho
walked up to it and said in a loud tone:
"Ah! Hero is Hamilton!" Then passing
his fingers along certain lines of the face
ho added, "There wus tho poetry!" Ham
ilton's contemporaries gave him credit for
possessing a poetic mind.
Stories of Swift.
I only know one good humored anecdote
of Swift. It is very slight, but it is fuir to
tell it. He dined one day iu the company
of the lord keeper, his sou and their two
l.-ulies, with Mr. Cicsar, treasurer of the
navy, at his house in the city. They hap
pened to talk of Brutus, and Swift said
something in his praise, mid then, as it
were, recollecting himself, suid,"Mr. Ctpsar,
I beg your pardon." Ono cun fancy this
occasioning a pleasant ripple of laughter.
There is another story I cannot lay my
hands on to verify, but it is to this effect:
Fulkncr, Swift's Dublin publisher, some
years after the dean's death, w;w dining
with some friends, who rallied him upon
his odd way of eating some dish 1 think
asparagus. Ho confessed Swift had told
him it was the right way, therefore they
laughed the louder, until Faulkner, grow
ing a littlo angry, exclaimed, "I tell you
what it is, gentlemen, if you hud ever
dined with the dean, you would have eaten
your asparagus us ho bade you." Speaker.
Treatment for Gas 1'olsonlng.
Loosen the clothing at tho neck.
Slap the face and cliest with the wet end
of a towel.
Apply warmth and friction if the body
or limbs arc cold.
Take the man at once into the fresh air.
Don't crowd around him.
Keep him on his back. Don't raise his
head or turn him on his side.
If the breathing is feeble or irregular ar
tificial respiration should be used and kept
up until there is no doubt that it can no
longer be of use.
Give the ammonia mixture (one part in
nil, aromatic ammonia, to sixteen parts ot
water) in small quantities ut short inter
vals, a teaspoonful every two or three min
utes. Hall's Journul of Health.
THE COSTLIEST GIFT.
I givo you a day of my life
Treasure no gold could buy
For peasant and peer aro at ono
When tho time comes to die;
And all that tho monarch bos,
Ilis koh-i-noor or his orown,
Ue would Rlvo for one more day
Era ho lay his sn oot life down.
They aro winged, liko tho viowlesj
wiud
These days that come and go
And we count them, and think of thi
ond.
But tho end wocannot know;
The whole world darkens with pain
When a sunset fiulox in the west
I glvo you a day of my life,
My uttermost gift and my best.
Ixiniso Chandler Mnnlton in Youth's Com.
pan Ion.
REVIVO
RESTORES VITALITY.
Made a
1st Day.
Well Man
loth Day,
of Me.
'""""i 30th Day.
mENOH IXE3VrEXD"V
produces the above results In'30 days. It arti
powcrlully and qulcltly. Curei when all othere fail
Younkmeu will regain their lent manhood, and old
men will roeovor thMr yonthlul vigor by unlng
ltKVIVO. It ouickly and aurely restores Nptvoub
nenti, Lost Vitality, Irapotenoy, Nightly KiuIbbIods,
Loat Powor, Falling Mnmory, Wasting Dim-aura, and
all effect ot sell-abuM or exoewand Indiscretion,
which unfits one for study, buiitncaa or marriage. It
not only curea by starting at tne seat ot dliwaae, but
lsagrcat nerve tonic and blood bnllder, bring
ing back tho pink glow to pale cheekaandro
storing tho lire of youth. It warda off Insanity
and Consumption. Insist on having RKV1VO, no
other. It can be carried in vest porint. By mail,
1.00 per package, or eli lor 88.00, with a poal
tlve written guarantee to enre or refund
the money. Circular froe. addresa
'OVAL MEDICINE CO.. 63 River St., CHICAGO, ILL.
For tale by Matthews Tiros., Driivgiata,
acranton, Fa.
Csaeaate it fue HioHitr Mieicai Aunteemrs
. I ' A 1 Jr. . . -
wvk you n-Pft nnu
isTMMvnirinnri
HEADACHEiB
Imuran will cure you. A
wonderful boon to snlToreri
from Colds, oreThroat,
lasaenra, Rrenckltu,
orllAK FEVER. AforiU
inmrtiiaterrlut. Anfifcliit
, . 7 1 remedy, onvenlenttiearry
M pocket, ready to nse on first Indication of cold.
Contlnaed Use XncU Permanent Tnre.
Pittlsfaclliingnaranteedorraoney refunded. Price,
& eta. Trial free at Druggists. Heaistured mall,
tu coma. M.J.CDSIM1K, kIr.,riiresjri,ajtli.lD.J. 4,
. OTTaBXXaCA.VyraB
MENTHOL Th" ,llmrt n aafest remedy for
men nUi. alTsklndlMaaeajKcsema.ltcU.aalt
Rheinnold Rnreajiurna, Outs. Wonderful rem
edyforPII.Ka). Price, ajneta. at Drag- n a I a a
glsta or by mull prepaid. Address as appro. DWUm
For aale by Matthews Bros, and John
11, l'lieips.
For Delicacy,
For parity, and for Improvement of the com
plexion, nothing equals PouoNi'a Powder.
rw rbMoernphcfl
WW
r5 ,J
mm
SUPERLATIVE AND GOLD MEDAL
The above brandn of flour can be had at any of the following merehants,
who will accept The Tmbunk flour coupoh ot 35 on each one hundred pounds
of flour or 60 on each barrel of flour.
Bcranton F. P. Price, Washington avenns I
Gold Medal Brand.
Cunmore-F. P. Frloe, Gold Medal Brand.
Uunmoro F. D. Mauley, buperiatlve Brand.
Hyde Park-Careou ft Davla, Washburn BU
Gold Medal Brand; Joseph A. Hears, Mala
avenue, Suporlative llriiud.
Groen Kidgo A.I.Spencei-.Uold Medal Brand.
J. T.McHale, Superlative.
l'lovidenco Kenner & ChappeU, N- Mala ave
nue, Superlative Brand;U. J. Gillespie, W,
Markot stroot, Gold Md;il Brand1.
Olyphant Jamea Jordan, Stiporlatite Brand.
Piwkvllle HhattVr A Kflar Buperiatlve.
Jormvn C, O. Winters & Co. buperalative.
Arobbald Jonea, Simpaon &Co.. Gold Modal.
Carhomtale-B. 8. Clark, Gold Modal Brand.
Honmdale-1. N. Foater ft Co. Uold Medal.
Minooko M. H. Lavelle
LOUIS B. SMITH
Dealer in Choice Confections and Frnils.
EREAD AND CAKES A SPECIALTY. .
FINEST ICE CREAM
1437 Capouse Avenue.
YOU know?
That we will GIVE you beautiful new pat
terns of Sterling SILVER SPOONS and
FORES for an equal weight, ounce for ounce,
of your silver dollars. All elegantly en
graved free. A large variety of new pat
terns to select from at
ercereau
307 LACKAWANNA AVENUE.
STEEI
All Grades, Sizes and Kinds kept in Stock.
IRON
Of every description on hand. Prompt shipments guar
anteed. Chains, Rivets, Bolts, Nuts, Washers, Turn
buckles, Bolt Ends, Spike3 and a full line of
Carriage Hardware.
BITTENBENDER & C
Scranton, Pa.
IT 1 1 T . P. 11 -
WC IlctVO ULB lUUUWIIig QUppUCa Ul XJUUlUOl ocuawu,
prices that warrant us
share of the
Pacific Coast Bed Cedar Shingles.
"Victor" and other Michigan Brandt of
White rineand White Cedar Shingles,
Michigan White and Norway Pine Lum
ber and Bill Timber.
North Carolina Short and Long Leaf Yel
low Pine.
Miscellaneous stocks of Mine Hails, Mine Ties, Mine Props
and Mine Supplies in general.
THE RICHARDS LUMBER CO,
Commonwealth Building, Scranton Pa.
SPRING
HOUSE
HEART LAKE, Susquehanna Co.
U. E. CROFCT I. ..Proprietor.
mHIS HOUSE ta strictly temperance, Ig new
T and well furnished and OPENtfD TO
1 '1HB PUBLIC THIS YEAB BOUND; ii
located mill war botwoen Montroae and Borau
ton, on Montrose and Laokavranna Railroad,
six miles from D., L, 4 W. B. B. at Alford
Station, and five milos from Montrow; ca
pacity, elnty-Ave; three minutes' walk f rom
R. R. station.
GOOD BOAT, FISHING TACKLE, c,
FKKE TO ODKfilS.
' Altitude abont S.00O feet, equalling In this
reanect the Adirondack and Catsaill Moun
tains. Hue ajovea, plenty of shade and be ant If ul
scenery, making a Summer Resort unex
celled in beauty and cheapness.
Dancing pavilion, awinn croqnet gr onnds,
fto, Cold Spring Water and plenty of Milk.
Kates, 7 CIO per week. 1.60 per
day-
Excursion ttokets sold at all stations on D.
L. A W. lines.
Porter meotsall trains.
From fhtX T. IWstme, Sont.UU.
The Flour
Awards
"Cbicaqo, Oct 81. Fhe first OfMat
innonncement ot World's Fair di
plomas on floor has baen mads. A
medal has been swarded by the
World's Fair judge to the flour manu
factured by the Washburn, Crosby Co ,
in tbe great Washburn FYonr Mills,
Minneapolis. Tbe committee report!
tbe flour strong and pure, end entitle!
it to rank at first-class patent flout for
family and bakers' nse."
MEGARGEL
& CON NELL
WHOLESALE AGENTS.
Taylor-Judge Co., Gold Medal; Attertop
a. uo.,BUeriaiive.
Duryaa-Lew ranee Stere Co.. OoH Medal
Meoslo Jolin McOrindle, Oeld Modal
fiuV ?nTM- w- O'Boyle, Gold Me4al
Clark a Orean-Fraoe fe Parker, Superlative.
Clark's Summtt-F. M. Yeuae;, Gold Medal.
Daltou-S. E. Finn & Hon, Gold Medal Urand.
Nlcholson-J. E. Hardin.
VVaverly-M. V Bllaa It Son, Gold Medal.
Factory ville-Charlaa Uardner, Gold Medal.
Hopbottom-N. M. Finn A Bon, Gold Madal,
Tobyhanna-Tobyhanna Lehigh Lumbar
Co., Gold Medal Brand.
Oouldaboro-8 A. Adams. Gold Medal Brand,
Moscow Gaige & Clements. Gold Mods).
Lake Ariel Jamea A. Bortreo, Goki Medal
Foreat City J. U Morgan ft Co., Gold Mods
PARLORS OPEN FP.OM T A.M. TO 11 P.lftV
SPECIAL ATTENTION GIVEN TO SUP
PLYINU FAMILIES WITH ICE CREAM.
Oonnell
1 T W T L naAtasaiarl aa
in expecting a large
trade.
Juniata County, PennsyWanla, White Oak.
Sullivan County Hemlock Lumber and
Lata.
Tioga County Dry Hemlock Stock Board.
Elk County Dry Hemlock JoUU and Stud
ding. DUPONT'S
MNtNO, BLASTING AND 8 PORTING
POWDER
Manufactured at the Wapwallopen Mills, Lo
erne conn by Pa., and at Wil
mington, Delaware.
HENRY BELIIM, Jr.
General Agent for the 'Wyoming District,
118 Wyoming Ave., Scranton Pv
Third National Bank Batldin
aohnot.
THOS. FORD, Plttstoa,Ta;
JOHN R BMITH SON; Plymouth. Pa,
E. W. MULLIGAN, WUkes-Berre. Pa.
Agents for the Hepaona Uhemloal Com.
feany's High Explosives.