ft 'P h
HENRY A. PARSONS, Jr., Editor and Publisher.
NIL. DESPERANDTJM.
Two Dollars per Annum.
VOL. IX.
y ltipGJVAY,. ELK COUNTY,' ' TA., THURSDAY, APRIL 10, 1879.
NO. 8.
U HI:
. -vai r
" Funny Uncle Mill."
I hoard the grown folks talking last night when
,1 lay abed,
So I shnt ray eyes and listened to everything
they said ;
And first they suid that Polly and Fhil were
coming here,
And a good old soul was rolly,,but Thil was
always queer.
And they never, never, never, tn all their lives
could see
How I'olly enme to marry him, nor how they
oould agree;
For she was just as bright and sweet ns any
flower in May, ,
But ha was tight as a drum-head, and as black
fts a stormy day.
And his nose iftts always poking into other
talk's atHiirs,
And he was altogether too fond of splitting
hairs j
And he luid so many corners you never oould
come near
Without your hitting some ot them, or being in
constant fear.
Well, 1 listened very liard, and I 'raembered
'every word,
And 1 thought it wns the queerest thin a body
ever heard ;
And in the evening, when I heard the chaise
enme down the hill,
I almost couldn't wnit to see my fnnny Unele
I'hil.
But, oh ! what stories grown folks tell ! He
wasn't blnrk at all !
And lie. hadn't any corners, but was plump and
fun- and small;
His nunc turned up a little, but thon it was so
wee,
How it could poke so very much I renlly
couldn't see.
And when lie kiw me staring, he nodded hard.
and smiled;
And then he usked them softly if I wan Elsie's
child;
And when grandma said 1 was he took me
gently on his knee,
And wound my longest curl aboat his finder
carefully.
And ho told mo 'bout my mamma when she
was a little girl,
And nil the time he talked he kept his flngoi
on that curl ;
Till at lust I couldn't stand it, and I slipped
down by his cluur,
And askedlum how he cunic to be so fond ot
splitting hair.
Sty ! how he starud ! and Jimmy laughed,
and grandma snook hor head,
And grandpa lmd his awful look, and Uncle
Sum turned red ;
And then the clock ticked very lond, the
kitchen was so still,
Ami I knew 'twas something dread! ul I had
suid to Uncle I'hil.
But I couldn't help it then, so I told him every
word, '
And he listened very quietly; he never spoke
nor stirred,
Till I told him 'bout the corners, and said I
didn't know
How he could have so many when thore didn't
any show.
And thun be laughed mid laughed, till the
kitchen fairly shook ;
And he gtve the frightened grown folks tmcli a
bright and funny look,
And said, ' Tis true, my little girl, when Polly
niurriod me
I was full of ugly corners, but she's smoothed
tliem down, you see."
And then they idl shook bauds again, und
Jimmy gave three cheers,
And Uncle Sum said little pitchers had most
moubtrouci cars;
And grandma kissed Aunt Polly ; but then she
looked at me,
And said I'd better " meditate " while she wit
getting tea.
That means that I must sit und flunk what
naughty things I've done;
It must be 'cause I'm little yet they seomod
to think 'twos fun.
I don't quite understand it all; well, by and by
I will
Creep softly up to him, and ask my funny
Uncle I'hil.
.inulia Vailey-JlUea in Wide Jlwakt.
AN APRIL HOAX.
Looking ut it from without, it does
not appear very unlike its fellows, this
little suburban cottage ot the Ilosy,
witll its unpretending hooded porch,
over which the ivy trails its dark green
foliage, its two parlor windows in front,
and its bay-window at the side; but
within tli'TO is nothing commonplace.
Kvery room, every corner, reflects the
refined taste, of Janet Koy, and the
tiaint fancies oPher brother Dick.
Dick, the handsome, the talented, the
gentlemanly he is all this and more in
his sister Janet's eyes is sitting on the
window-seat, the sun bathing his
shnpelv iigure in its impartial rays. He
is rending- the morning paper; with
more interest probably than most men
are wont to have, for he recognizes the
mannerism of each writer on the editori
al page ho is on the editorial staff him
selfand takes pleasure m seeing how
Smith treats the Eastern question, what
Jones thinks of the condition of the In
dians, anil what Brown has to say on
the presidential policy. He has not
written a stroke for over a week him
self. He lias been quite ill: a heavy
cold threatening pneumonia has . kept
him a prisoner at the cottage, and for
seven mornings was the public; been de
prived of the pleasure and profit of pe
rusing his timely and caustic remarks
upon general topics. Only yesterday he
stepped across tne threshold into man
hood j it was his twenty-first birthday:
to-day lie is a citizen of the republic.
The clock on the mantel-shelf tinkles
forth eight silvery notes. Dick looks up
irom ins paper wun some snow ot im
patience. Where can Jyjet be? As if
in answer to his thought, the door
opens, and Miss Hoy, tall and graceful,
in a dress of olive-green serge, in charm
ing contrast with her light golden hair,
comes softly in.
" Have you been waiting long, Dick?"
sne asKs, in-a pieasant. Kindly voice.
"iNo. replies dick, throwing down "Our grandfather's 'brother!" repeat
Jil8 paper anayawngllimguiaiy, "notjho; "what m awfully am ' relative!
verv lonp: tint I'm srlad You've come.
for I'm deueedly hungry Rather a goad
sign, isn't it, Jean?"
" To be hungry ? Yes : very good "
sitting down at the table and tappin
the call-hell. "Rut it won't last ver
Innir. I'll venture to sav that in fifteen
minutes from now your appetite will be
"Vpw HVpIv " said Dick, as Sarah en
ters from the kitchen, bearing the cof
fee-urn in one hand and a dish of beef
steak in the other. " At any rate, I will
sec how far steak, coflee and hot .bis
cuits will eo toward diminishing it."
Presently there U a violent ring at the
door-bell. " -
"Who can that be?" exclaimed Dick
inquisitively. " I wonder if any of th
boys could have come out to see what
has become of me?"
"It sounds verv like the postman."
anus ins sister: ana tne postman it is.
Two letters are his contribution to the
Roys this morning, both of which Sarah
hands to Miss Janet, who hurriedly
reads the addresses. One' is for herself,
the other is for her brother.
" ' Here is a letter for you, sir, if your
name is Horatio,'" she quotes, reaching
it to mm across the table.
But my name is not Horatio, lie
replies, correctingly, as he takes it.
" Are von aware that to paraphrase is
perfectly allowable? If your name be
Hicham' would be much more appropr:
ate. and would sound far better.
Janet scarcely listens to the prattle of
her brother: the letter that has come lnr
her is edited with black, and she
nervouslv tearing open the envelope in
her haste to see what' ill news it Iras
brought, whose death it has come to an
nounce.'. !
Dick notices her agitation as Bhe draws
out the inclosed sheet, and wonders
even as she is wondering, what van be
its message.
" Uncle Arthur is dead," she says, the
next moment, giving a sigh of relief.
1 enitf tr ii-nu in 1 1 .ivi'v'c In nA xevi t i n rr
and so feared it was Cousin Margaret.
" Uncle Arthur!" repeats Dick. " Un
...... ... " '" ... . .. ...... V.
cle Arthur! He's one of my respected
great-uncles, whom I have never had
the pleasure of seeing: a California mil
lionaire. 1 wonder, did it ever strike
him that a little of his wealth would be
iieceptablc to his great-niece and great-
nepliew, who are battling with the
world far away over here in the Knst?
"Oil. Dick! exclaims Miss Roy.
greatly shocked, how ran you talk -o
the poor man s money when he is just
lend.-"
Poor man!" savs Dick. laughing,
' I always thought he was a rich one."
.May l inouire. asks Miss Kov.
meekly, when her brother had twice
read the epistle he holds in his hand.
nnd is about to begin again, "what ,e
has to say that is so xxru interesting?"
A slight flush mounts to Dick's fr.ee as
lie hurriedly crumples, the missive into
I
us pocket
Nell!" he repeats.
' How did vou
know it was from Nell?"
" 1 know her handwriting..".-, i
"But it's iust like hundreds of others"
ontmued Dick, buttering a hot roll in
ontimianee of Ins breakfast. "All
ladles write tn tlm same st vie nmv-n-rinva.
The letters are all very tall and all very
mm.
Kach lady's hand has tipculiiu-itv.
nevertheless."
"'Which nobodv can den v.' " emotes
Kicnard. miiiic hands are mnk and
some, are white, some are fnt and some
are lean, some wear diamonds and some
wear none.
How you trip- one up'." exclaimed
anet, smiling. " You know verv well
what I mean. Would vou have me
stumble over the whole length of ' chir
ography' every time?"'
be a
waste of breath, and would seem as
though you were intentionally airing
our knowledge of Webster's Una-
ridged."
Dick ia beginning to congratulate him
self on the masterly way in which he baa
turned the subject and escaped rudely
telling his sister that the contents o'(
Miss Nellie Taylor's letter are not for her
ears, when she again refers to his re
marks.
Bv-the-bve." she savs. as she draws
from the urn her brother's second cun of
coiiee, " speaking 01 some hands with
iamondsand some without. Nell doesn't
wear one, does she? When do you pro
nose presenting her with one' of the
gems?"
" 1 was not aware" (with mock grav-
lty) " that young men are generally ex
pected to provide their lady friends with
diamond rings."
Did the fact that there is such a
thing as an engagement ring ever present
itself to your enlightened intellect?"
" EiMwanent .'" repeats Dick: "did I
understand you to say cnguyemaUt
Since when, pray, did you conclude that
your respected brother had given his
lean to another." i know 01 no engage
ment."
" Oh, dear!" says Janet, sighing melo
dramatically ; " have I really been mis-
ken? And here I was already conwat-
lating myself on so soon liarine a sister-
in-law!"
Do you remember the nurserv
hyme?" asks Dick:
Can the love that yon re so neh in
Iiuild a Are in the kitchen ?
Or the little god ol love turn the spit, spit,
spit v .
should hesitate, I think, to ask anv
one to marry me, for fear of having that
itiplet thrown in my lace. .Now it that
ar old great-uncle ot ours had onlv
taken it into his aged head to leave us a
w of his many thousands, then perhaps
might think oi engagements and dia
mond rinirs and mothers-in-law : and
yon might begin to speculate on the com
parative advantages of my various lady
n-iuis as a siSHT-in-jaw.
"Hoor. ltr old man!" Janet con
tinues, kindly. "I can iust remember
sitting on his knee and nluvinif wit), bic
long beard at the time he was on from
the WW. It's really a shame, Dick, our
being so lively, and Uncle Arthur. e-ranH.
father's own brother, lying dead."
"Well, my dear, I should be lying
alive if I said I was sorry he's gone; for
i,,. a uuurt mnc E uupc, ano W JIO
nows but he may have thought of us?"
"Oh, Dick!" beseechimrlv. "please
don't joke about it. I really do foef bad
ly, and Cousin Margaret and Harry must
be to grieved."
"So they must," says Dick, apparent
ly acquiescing in his sister's views. " I
am sure we all do. Don't you think,
Jean, we had better bow the shutters
and Jiang out black bombazine?"
" I shall bow the sllUttem." aHda.Tnnnt.
feeling rather angry at her brother's eou-
inued joking. "It is the least. can
do, and it shows some -respect for our
grandfather's In-other," rising and leav-
ug jic aim ai me tame,
Surely he must have bequeathed 'some
thing to his brother's grandchildren.!1, f
Dick is in his study now a neat, cozy
little room back of the drawing-room,
which is in reality the library, but which
Mr. Roy, he being a literary man, choos
es to call his study. He is sitting at Ids
table, with Nell's letter spread out before
him,, and is reading it for the fourth
time. There is nothing very remarkable
about it; it is not what one would style
a love-letter, and yet Dick would not for
all the world have his sister get a glimpse
of it.
" Dear Dick, I have been looking for
you to - call, as - you promised, and am
much surprised, at not having seen you.
Your birthday, I think you told me, is
about this time. Did you have a party P
and are you so elated at having attained
your majority that you are above visit
ing your friends? I cannot think that
because you are now a man you have
irivcn ud all the friends of vour cinhutood,
I'lease call soon, and tell me all about
your presents. Ever your friend, NEtt.."
That is it) and in It Dick is trying to
find traces of something more than
friendshin.
" Nell is an awfullv .iolly eirl." he says
to himself, leaning back in his chair and
thrusting his hands into his pockets;
" iust as full of fun as ever she can lie. I
wonder whether she really does care any
thing for me? I'm not altogethera bad-
lookinc fellow, if I do say it myself, and
I fancv I can talk quite as well as the
most of 'em. How is one to tell whether
a girl cares more for him than for
another, when she persists in being jolly
with every one?" " - .
Then he gets to thinking or. some
means to solve the problem. How shall
he prove her? . Presently an ideawmes
to nim. first faintly, indistinctly then'
moreplninly and more vividly, until a
Dl.tn--an excellent plan, he think
stands out before him in beautiful sym
metry. Everything seems to have work
ed in favor of it, nnd he is naturally joy
ous over his discovery. L .. .
lie opens one ot the drawers in his
writing-table nnd takes, out a packet of
letters. . iurougii tnem lie searches until
he findstwo that Janet wrote him while
he was away on his midsummer vaca
tion. These ho spreads open before him,
and taking a sheet of notc--paper he be
gins to write, now closely studvinsr his
sister's letters, now slowly putting words
upon tne paper, nail an hour and he
has finished. He folds the sheet, incloses
it in on envelope, and -addresses it its
carefully as he has written it. Then lie
rises, and, unlocking the door, meets
Janet in the hall, hhe sees him take
down his hat to go out.
'Had you not better wear vour over
coat?" she asks. " I'm afraidyou might
take cold again."
Ira not eoing far." he answer:
"only to post a letter."
Joellr she asks, tasinclv. "Are
you not rather prompt in nnswei-ing your
correspondents.
Dick, making no rcnlv. roes out. while
she, laughing to herself, hurries away tq
her numerous household duties." "' ,"
The next morninir is the 1st of April
All-fool's Day, with its temptations to
practical jokes and its myriads of little
nnocent lies, when every one does his
best to make a fool of his dearest friend
ns well as his direst foe. It is a briu-lit.
sunny morning, that swells the buds to
burstjng. and draws up the blades of
fresh young grass as a magnet draws steel.
Dick Itov is in the verv best of spirits:
he has persuaded Janet into believing
that he lias taken a frch cold ; has as
sumed a voice as hoarse as a veteran bull-
Irog; and has been looking the verv pic
ture of distress, until the arrival of the
postman just as he is creeping in to
Lireaklnst and adding to his Mster s anx
iety by his distressed countenance
auses him to brighten up, and in the
loaresl tone remark, "Ton mv word.
Jean, ray cold's cone. Did it strike vou
this was the first day of April?"
An expression ot reliet mingled with
annoyance mounts iMiss Hoy's counte
nance. You awful bciv !"' she exclaims. " You
should be ashamed of yourself, trying to
tool vour own sister.
" And suncerdiny, too." laughs Dick.
The only letti-r this mornintr is one for
him. It is hidden by a large yellow en-
elope. and addressed in a bold heavy
hand that gives one an impression of im
portant business at once. As Dick opens
it and catches sight of the heading, his
face brightens in expectation, and con-
inues brightening until he has read it
quite through, when he is wearing the
iHoauesi oi smiles.
"Hurrah !" he shouts, his boyishness
making its appearance through his new
ly acquired manhood " hurrah for Uncle
rthnr ! Hurrah ! Jean, we've been
left a fortune !"
Janet looks at him unbelievingly.
She has been fooled once this morning,
and does not intend to submit tamely to
what she considers her brother's second
attempt.
" If vou must joke. Dick." she savs.
calmly, her voice and manner strangely
contrasting with his excitement, " pray
don't take such a subject. You are play
ing your part very well. I admit: but
still I remember now what day it is."
" But I m not.iokine: it's a fact. Here
is a letter from the dear old boy's lawyer.
Look at the postmark; look at "the
letter-head ; read the message," he goes
on, excitedly, running around to his sis-
18 side of the table and snreadinsr the
envelope and its contents before her.
He is certainly not fooling her now, as
she is compelled to sdmit when she is
thus presented with the evidence. The
same heavy stylo of writing that was
ithout is within.
Jlirliard Roy, Esq.:
" Deak Sik" (it begins)." I have
pleasure in informing you that the will
f the late Arthur Hoy. lii.,ot this city.
bequeaths to his great-nephew and great-
niece, Richard and Janet Koy (yoursel
and sister), each the sum of fifty thou"
sand dollars. These amounts are in"
vestwl in United States irovernment
bonds, and shall be forwarded to you in I
due course.
" I have the honor to be your obedi
ent Bervant,
" J. Madison Pehhy, Executor."
The effect of the reading on Janet is
uite the reverse of that on her brother.
Instead of breaking forth into joyous
shouts, her sensitive nature causes her to
burst into a flood of tears.
Dick looks at her in astonishment.
What can she be crying for ? he thinks.
legacy of fifty thousand dollars no
does not consider a cause for weeping,
and concludes that his sister has become
mystified in regard to the time to weep
and the time to laugh.
- M What is the matteu witlt you P lie
asks, when the first outburst has sub
sided into occasional suppressed sobs.
" Oh, Dick !" cries Janet, wiping her
eves! " I believe you have no feeling at
undo wo have lost ! How 'good Of him
to remember us !" .
"Very eood' of - him. inaeed." add
Dick; but I can't see that that ought
to make one sad. Rather a cause for re
joicing, I should say. Poor fellow, he
was so old he couldn't enioy it. and I
dard say he's better off where he is ; that
is, if he was as good as his will makes
me think he was." . ! : : .
Janet is really grieved. Her nature is
so intensely sensitive that a great kind
ness invariably has this effect upon her
She refuses any more breakfast, and goes
hastily up to her room, where she spends
the morning in trying to picture her
uncle as he was when, so many years
aim. she sat on his lap. and child-like
ran her tiny fingci's through his Jong
gi y art va. k. V
All through the morning, as, thinking
thus, sue sits oingenuy sewing tears
ever and anon well up in her eyes and go
trickling down her cheeks before she is
aware, oi their presence. As a natural
consequence, twelve oclock finds her
with very red eyes and nose, and a gen
eral appearance of having gone through
a most heart-rendering affliction. This
is her condition when Sarah knocks at
the door, and on entering announces that
Miss Tavlor is in the drawing-room.
"Oh, "what shall I do?" exclaims
Janet, in perplexity, as soon as the maid
is out of ear-shot. "She will see that I
have been crying, and will want to know
all about it; and I really can't talk of it
now. 1 wonder where Dick is; he might
go and see her, and explain that I'm not
well; but dear me" getting up and
smoothing back her hair with both
hands' "1 suppose he's out somewhere.
He never is about when he's wanted, but
is sure to be here when he's not." So,
wiping her eyes for the hundredth time
since breakfast, and giving her nose the
fiftieth gentle blow, she goes softly down
to the drawing-room in search of her
visitor. Nellie Taylor a rather short,
plump girl, with a charmingly pretty
Sink and white fac rises quickly as
nnet comes iu.
"Oh. Jean!" she says, going to meet
her, and presenting a countenance that
for signs of weeping is not a whit better
off than Miss Roy's, "I do so sympathize
with you!"
" Janet is much surprised at these words.
On what account does she sympathize
witll her? Surely she cannot know why
she has been spending the morning in
tears.
"Come nnd sit down by me," Nell
goes on, taking her hand and drawin
3
her to a sola. "1 rouble c
us some time, you know."
" But." becins Janet, thoroughly nuz
zled, ns they sit down together, "my
dear Nell"
" There, now." interrupted she. " don't
speak 'to mo of it: don t tell me how
much worse you feel than I. I know
you think so; but, indeed" and the
tears began to trickle down her checks
again "you flout know how I joved
him."
"Nell, what are vou tjilkinc about ?"
Janet asks, excitedly, her grief haying
given way to astonished curiosity. " It
is evident mere is a misunderstanding
somewhere."
Nell looks at her curiously.
" Are you angry?" she asks, in a hurt
tone; " would you not have approved of
his making mehjs wife?"
l ou marry I. nele Arthur!
Uncle Arthur!" repeats Nell. It is
she who is surprised now. "Who is
Lncle Arthur.
The dear, kind old gentleman who
has just died."
But I have been talking of Dick.
You must have known I was. Poor
dear Dick!" and again she is weeping as
though her heart would break.
" Hut Dick is not dead?"
Nell looks up in incredulous, glad sur
prise, .there is a movement of the
mrticrc which covers the entrance to the
library.
" Nor likely to be soon," shouted Rich
ard, running forward from his hiding
place, where he has heard all the con
versation, his pie: want face wreathed in
smiles.
The next moment he has caua-bt Nell
in his arms and is kissing away the re
maining tears.
You darling good girl!" he snvs, pas
sionately, "now I believe you do care a
little bit for me."
But I cannot understand it." savs
Janet, in wonder. "What ever could
have caused you to think Dick wns
dead?"
- " The idea of asking me, after the letter
you wrote!" replies Nell. "Didn't vou
tell me so? I didn't think, Jean, that
you could perpetrate such an awful
joke."
" Hut I wrote no letter," adds Janet.
Nell outs her hand in her pocket and
draws forth an epistle.
" Read it," she says. " If vou didn't
write it, who did?" And Janet read :
" Fridtty mornittff.
Mr Deah Nell. I have very sad
news lor you. Our darling bov is no
more. At twelve o'clock Wednesday
night he breathed his last. Oh, how can
1 write it F can scarcely realize that he
is gone. Please do come out nnd ste me.
I know you thought a great deal of him,
and can sympathize with me.
I'.ver yours, .1 axet Hoy.
Suddenly it comes to Janet that per
haps her great uncle was related to the
laylors also.
Was lie she begins: but before she
can finish the question Nell answers her:
X es (sobbing). Dldn t you know
it? Oh, why didn't some one let me
know that he was so ill? I would have
so liked to be with him!"
Janet looked nitvinglv at her vonnir
friend. Surely her uncle must have
been a very lovable old gentleman to in
spire this affection.
Hut how strange it Is," she thinks,
that I never knew we were even dis
tantly connected with the Taylors. Per
haps Dick knew it, but I m sure he
never told me." Then she begins sob
bing again for mere sympathy, and for a
moment not a word is spoken.
"Was ho so verv dear to vou?" nbn
Janet, bringing the cambric into play
again.
" Oh, Jean," Nell answers, also wiping
away the tears, "you cannot imagine
how we loved each other. There was no
time set, but then it was understood that
it was to come off as soon as his salary
was sufficient for him to " nd then she
burst into tears again.
..,'iVhat tl0 vou mean?" in surprise.
" W hat was to come off? " '
"We were engaged, you know," Nell
says, looking up.
"Engaged!" w ith great astonishment.
Did you not know it?"
t " Hut Jr is not mv writing," savs
Janet. I never make my e's like that,
nor Bn mygplf; ,Em. youi, nnd bel
there was no black on the door."
it is very like your writing, and I
never thought or the black. W'f.o could
have sent the letter if you didn't P"
. Dick, who is still standing with his
arm about Nell's waist, bursts into a
hearty laugh. "I am the author," he
says. " It was a little April hoax.land it
Worked admirably far better than I ex
pected."
"You awful boy!" exclaim Nelland
Janet in chorus.
"The boy is dead," persists Dick.
"tt,,f ivliat n. fi-iirhtfiil storv vou told!"
says Nell; "and how tcmbly I was
worried!"
" It is all true." says Dick. " There is
not an untruth in the whole letter : the
boy is no more; the boy did breathe his
last. I am a man now. Thursday was
my twenty-first birthday."
''But you forged my name," says
Janet. ...
"I put my initial below, if you
notice, replies Dick. And sure enough.
hereitwag. "And our wedding will
be iust as soon as you can get ready," he
adds, turning to Nell. "The interest of
fifty thousand, which you must know
the puzzling Uncle Arthur just left me,
plus my salary, is all-sufficient, isn't it?
and I say, Jean, how do you like the
prospect of a sister-in-law? It was
rather a pleasant April-fool after nil,
wasn't it?" Harper's Bazar.
Restless Sights.
Some persons " toss and tumble " half
the night and get up in the morning
weary, unrefreshed and dispirited, whol
ly unlit, either in body or mind, lor the
duties of the day; they are not only in
capacitated for business, but are often
rendered so ungracious in their manners,
so irritable and fretful, as to spread a
gloom and a cloud over the whole house
hold. To be able to go to bed nnd be in
a sound, delicious sleep, an unconscious
deliciousness.in five minutes, but enjoyad
in its remembrance, is a great happiness,
an incalculable blessing, and one for
which the most sincere and affectionate
thanks should habitually go up to that
beneficent Providence which vouchsafes
the same through the instrumentalities
of a wise and self-denying attention to
the laws of our being.
Restless nights as to persons in ap
parent good health, arise chiefly from,
hrst, an overloaded stomach; second,
from worldly care; third, from want ol
muscular activities proportioned to the
needs of the system. Few will have
restless nights who take dinner ht mid
dnv. and nothing after that except apiece
of cold bread and butter and a cup or
two of some hot drink ; any thing beyond
that, as cake, pie, chipped beef, dough
nuts and the like, only tempt nature to
eat when there is really no call for it,
thus engendering dyspepsia and all ita
train ol evils.
Worldlv care. For those who cannot
sleep from the unsatisfactory condition of
their affairs; or that they are about to
encounter great losses, whether from their
own remissness, the perfidy of friends, or
unavoidable, circumstances, we have a
dep and sincere sympathy. To such we
say, live hopefully for better days ahead,
and meanwhile strive diligently, pnr
sistently, and with a brave heart to that
end.
But the more common cause of restless
nights is, that exercise has not been
taken to make the body tired enough to
demand sleep. Few will fail to sleep
soundly if the whole of daylight, or as
much thereof as will produce moderates
fatigue, is spent in steady work in the
open air, or on horseback, or on loot.
Many spoil all their sleep by attempting
to force more on nature than she requires.
lew peivons will fail to sleep soundly,
while they do sleep, if they avoid sleep
ing in the daytime, will go to bed at a
regular hour, and heroically resolve to
jet tip the moim-nt they wake, whether
it is at two, four, or six o'clock in the
morning. In less than a week each one
will mid how much sleep ins system re-
quin-s; there-alter give it that, ana no
more. Hall's Journal of Health.
Moving Dny.
."Moving dav, witll all its attendant
horrors, is at hand." said James, yester
day evening, " and 1 don't see how 1 am
ever to get through with it. It brings
nothing but work, work, work."
' W hv. ves, replied (iiiiiulfather
I.ickshingle, " it is a terrible day for us
poor men folks, and no mistake. Seein'
us how this drc'ful dny has rolled around
an' battered me over the bald an' beet
ling pate upward of a hundred timea, I
ought to know a little somethin' about
it. Work! Well, I should say so. Git
up in the mornin' before breakfast, sit
around till it's ready, then eat nu' off
down town after a wagon. And right
here I waut to say that the standiu' pre
mium of a million dollars in gold offered
by the United States government to the
man that finds a wagou when he wants
it has never been claimed. .No mortal
man ever finds a -wagon without hoofin'
'round a whole Kutiare. an' i(t this kind
of work is knocking years and years of
usefulness out of some of our best voting
men. W ell, after the doggoned wagon
is found, you must give the driver vour
old as well as your new address, as .the
papers say, and that's enough to break
anv ordinary man's back. By this time
you're pretty well fagged out, an1 you
send the wagon to the house, while you
go off down town about your business,
an' your wife finishes up whatevenUtle
odds an' ends there may be to do about
the movin' Oh, its dreful, dre'ful! an'
it raises the blisters on mv hands to think
of it." And grandfather bowed his aged
head on his cans antljyoaued. Cincin
nati Enjuirer. "
Words of Wisdom.
It requires more power to control for
tune than to control kings.
Flattery is a sort of bad money to
which our vanity gives currency.
Hard words have never tauirkt wis
dom, nor does truth require them.
What is the best government? That
which teacht us to govern ourselves.
Some hearts, like evening primroses.
open most beautifully in the shadows of
me.
It is extraordinary how long a man
may look among the crowd without dis
covering the face of a friend.
There is no wise or good man that
would change persons or conditions en
tirely with any man in the world.
He that hath really felt the bitterness
of sin, will fear to commit it ; and he
that hath felt the sweetness of mercy
in e a- .Y j -
wiu lear io ouunu u.
It is better not to expect or calculate
consequences. Liet us trv to do right
actions without thinking of the feelings
tney are to can out in others.
" A nolita man." unid t.li Due Aa
Moray, " is one who looks with interest
to things he knows all about when they
are told him by a person who knows
pothtog about tliouj,"
A Lucky Holder.
A San Francisco correspondent writei :
There are so many curious turns of
fortunes wheel on the Comstock. I
heard only yesterday of a case where
cold-blooded persistency of purpose and
tenacity ot grit in lace ot most discour
aging circumstances won a big fortune:
and .the case isthe more remarkable
becnuse. knowing the parties, meet
ing them almost every day, being fami
liar with their surroundings, etc., I
never before heard of it. It leaked out
only by accident. Mr. Root is the man
who designed all the machinery, laid all
the plans, made all the contracts, and
superintended the work of building Gov.
Stanford's famous wire-cable street-railroad
in this city, which runs a distance
of two miles through the richest and
best part of the city, and is to-day the
model street-railway of the continent.
Root is a young man, not over thirty-six,
thin, wiry, homely, and well, shabby.
He is a splendid mechanic, and though
for a long time in Central Pacific em
ploy, nobody knew him until he built
the Stanford street-railway, entirely on
his own plans, that there was so much
in him. To look at him you wouldn't
think Root ever saw a mining-stock
certificate.
Yet one dny when Sierra Nevada
was booming along at 200, Root walked
into the oflice of a leading broker, an
old friend, and said :
" Dan, guess we'd better get rid of
some of this now," and he handed over
two certificates, one of 5(10 shares and
the other of 100. "Dan" took them,
looked them over, and noticed that the
backs of both were perfectly covered
with receipts for assessments.
"Wliere in the world did vou get
these?" asked Dan.
"Bought 'em four years ago," said
Root. " Had 'era lying in my trunk ever
since. Paid, I think, fifty cents a share
for some, six bits for some more, and got
some for two bits. Been paying assess
ments ever since religiously, and the
wnoie lot stands me in about $5 a share.
I wnnt you to sell half of it now, for I
guess it's time to ' call the turn.'" and
within three days 300 shares of Root's
stock found a market at from to
$220, and his broker passed to his credit
over 860.000.
I he other 300 shares he got rid of at
$225 and S2-10. and about $70,000 more
went to his credit. He hauled down
$50,000, and then, as to the rest, said to
his broker (and here is the point 1 want
to make), " I want you to put so many
thousand into Norcross, so many into
California, so many into Curry, and so
many into Belcher. Pay for them, let
them lie; and when assessments come
pay on them."
"Hut, said the broker, "you may
have to wait, and"
"That's just what I expect to do
wait. But sooner or later some one or
the other of those stocks will make me a
tortune.
And this is the spirit that our average
working Californian goes into specula
tion ou the Comstock with. Few here
buy Comstock stocks for dividends. I.et
a mine there beginto pay dividends, and
unless they are very big, or the mine
has a prospect of keeping them un. not a
dollar is added to the value of the stock.
Our quiet buyer, our business man, our
shrewd-capitalist, are all actuated by
the same idea. "Buy them when they
are cheap, lay them away, and sooner or
later if any mine within a mile makes a
strike we may make 500 per cent. If the
strike should come in our own mine we
may make from 5,000 to 10,000 per cent.,
and, perhaps, if we have stock enough.
walk off with the fortune we expected to
have to work all our lives for."
The English Language.
Mr. John Albee lectured in New York
on the English language. The transla
tion ol the Hible by King James' trans
lators and tin? writings of the Elizabethan
dramatists were the most powerful iiii
iiuenees, . Mr. Albee thought, m mould
ing and fixing the language. It was for
tunate that the Bible had been trans
lated when the best style of language
that of the great dramatists was in
vogue. The translators, too, had been
inspired, and inspiration found voice,
beauty and vigor in the simplest ex
pressions. I be Bible, then, had met the
necessities of those who obieeted to parts
of the drama. "Note the difference,"
said the lecturer, in conclusion, " be
tween the unaffected simplicity and
power of the writings of those times witll
the obscure, affected style of to-day
Now we do not ask but inquire ; a wo
man is a female; a father a paternal rela
tive; we do not give but donate; we
never go, begin, eat, get, but proceed,
commence, partake, receive; when
younger we had rooms, but now apart
ments; then there were singers, now
vocalists; and it in pleasant to believe
that no one now gets drunk, but intoxi
cated. See the contrast. In the Bible.
the most thrilling and best written of all
hooks, ninety-six per cent, of the words
are Anglo-Saxon ; in Shakespeare, eighty-
six per cent.; and in Tennyson's Ar
thur,' J.00O ot the 3.500 words are mono
syllables. And so the rank of all writers
of fame unquestioned is graded by the
proper use of more or less of the Kaxon
language. The union of powerful
thought and perfect words is like the
clearest water in the dearest glass; the
water and the glass teem but one sub
stance.
JeKls from French Paper.
A gentleman finds himself in the )iHnd
of two highwaymen, witll which Paris
has been infested for several wveks, who
: i i , , ,
vaiuiv scarcii ins pockets.
" W hat an ass you are," they exclaim,
"to go out at night without vour watch.
The idea of your believing these stupid
newspaper reporters :
A well-known politician was formerly
a doctor, anil poor one at that. He
was talking the other dav of people's in
gratitude :
I ou can t imagine." he said to an ac
quaintance, who remembered his being a
doctor, " the number of people that are
i.A....nA ... r ; ...J
luuL-iiiru iu me jur incir position? v
"Their horizontal ones, you mean ?"
Extract from a new novel: "Takin,
a pen he sat down and wrote to a friend
rubbing his hands sleepily together as he
proceeded.
One of the new Republican officials saw
In his room a big, well-dressed Rllow
standing with his arms crossed and doing
nothing.' The third dav he went to him
and asked t
" What are vou doing here ?"
" I am your second secretary," replied
the young man, not in the least disturbed.
"Indeed, and what are vour duties?"
" Always to be on hand in case you may
want me. '
A retired milkman sent his son to
travel, telling him to take notes and write
home what he saw. He crossed a Span
ish river dry shod, and wrote : It would
be impossible to carry on the milk busi
ness iu this part of the country."
TIMELY TOPICS.
One would hardly deem these strin
gent times when, upon scrutinizing the
report of the commissioner of internal
revenue he learns that during the past
fiscal year no less than 1 ,905,063,000 cigars
were smoked, which at ten cents each
amounted in value to $190,506,300. In
addition to this there was also consumed
25,312,438 pounds of tobacco of the ag
gregate value of $15,000,000.
An Austrian clockmnker named Jean
Writz is said to have invented a ri lie with
which from 400 to 450 shots can be fired
each minute. The mechanism of the
weapon has some resemblance to the
movements of a watch, and the cart
ridges are so arranged as to form a part
of lengthened ribbon. The handling of
the piece is said to be a very simple
affair; and the inventer is engaged in per
fecting those parts proved by experi
ments to be defective, in order that the
arm mny be used in war.
A singular instance of human
credulity is reported from Munich. The
actress, Adele Spitz-cder, who was sen
tenced there about six months ngo to a
i .rt-r., Imtii-iuiiiiiiuint Cxi linrlni, o ttt I v.
died the public out of many millions by
her banking institutions (the Dachauer
isanken), conducted, ns she assorted, for
the furtherance of the interests of the
Roman Catholic religion, tried asain.
after her liberation from prison, to earn
a living on the stage. Finding that this
could not be. done, she has returned to
Munich nnd again opened a bank. De
posits, on which she pavs eight per cent.
montly interest, nre brought to her in
abundance, and, of course, another catas
trophe will occur.
The late ameer of Afghanistan was uni
versally, called the " madman " through
out his dominions, and so great was the
awe in which he was held by his sub
jects, the 1'imes of Lulia says, that no
one dared tell him ot the deieat of his
troops on the Peiwar Khotal by the Eng
lish invaders. Shere Ali sat in his council-room
waiting for news, hut no one
ventured to tell him the result. At last,
the mother, of Abdulla Jan sent her lit
tle girl to tell her father. He was talk
ing eagerly as the child entered, and she
tried hard to blurt out her message, " My
mother says I am to tell your highness
" but the ameer kept putting his hand
on her her mouth, as the discussion was
important. At last he turned to her,
" Well, what is it. littleone ?" Thechild
came sidling up, all eyes upon her, "My
mother says 1 am to tell your highness
the Sahibs have crossed "the Khotal."
An instant stampede from the neighbor-
hoot! of the ameer closed the council.
Yuma. Cal.. has a famous rooster, and
this is the way it came about: It is em
phatically a self-made- bird. The firm
of Sisson & Wallace, nmonst other
things, sell eggs. It so happened that
all the eggg were sold out of a particular
can save one. Meantime the sun went
ou getting hotter nnd hotter, nnd preseni.
ly tlie egg began to warm up to the situ
ation. The progress of the novel solar
gestation was watched with an absorb
ing curiosity by the store people. About
the time the mercury reached 124 de
grees in the shade the chicken began to
peck its way out ol the shell, and it
emerged as defiant an infant rooster as
cver wore spurs. It grew npaee, and to
day its habits are as eccentric as its man
ner of birth. It is exceedingly fierce,
and will attack n man, a dog, or any
thing that, comes in its way. AH a visit
or Jias to do to insure a delivery of bat
tle by this pugnacious rooster is to hold
up his foot, and straightway the bird
will ny at him viciously. We have
heard of many ways of hatching chick
ens, but a rooster batched by natural
heat in a tin can is a little ahead of out
previous experiences.
Where False Hair Comes From.
Fnl.se hair having come to be recog
nized as a necessity of the modern female
existence, it may be of interest to learn
how this constantly increasing want is
supplied. Live hair, bought "on foot"
(to use the technical term of the trade),
constitutes but a very small percentage
of the stock in market, as there are few
women who are willing to part with
their locks for money, and those who
have superfluous locks to spare grow
fewer year after year. When second
hand tresses wi re needed merely to fur
nish wigs for a few elderly ladies, agents
found no difficulty in securing a suffici
ency among the peasant maids of All
vergne and Brittany. The present de
mand, however, greatly exceeds the sup
ply, nnd it is assorted that Paris alone
uses more than all the available crop in
France, and that Mursi-ilJi-s (the great
center of traffic in hair) deals with Spain,
the Orient and the two Sicilies, for forty
tons a year of dark fiair, of which she
makes upwards of 05,000 chignons an
nually. Under the name of " (lead hair "
are classed the "combings," vt Inch
thrifty servant girls save up and sell, the
clippings- of harlier shops, faded curie,
worn out switches, etc. The scavengers
of every city, both at home and abroad,
value nothing short of a silver spoon
among the refuse so much as a snarl of
combings, however dirtv. as it will find
a ready sale. Such findings nre after
ward washed with bran and potash,
carded, sifted, classed nnd torted, and
then niade into the cheap front curls,
puffs, chignons that abound in market.
Much of this enters into the cheaper
grades of the 350.000 "pieces" annually
made in France, of which enormous
trade England is said to lie the liest cus
tomer, and America almost as tid.
Late reports on the commerce of Swa
tow, China, show that a large export
trade in "dead" hair gathered in tlie
stalls of barWrs, sprang up in 1H73, dur
ing which year 18,800 pounds were' ex
ported to Europe. In 175 the export of
tins refuse arose to 134,000 pounds, with
a commercial value of over $25,000. It
is an undoubted fact, too, that pauper
corpses are often despoiled of their hair
to meet this same demand of mi increas
ing commerce. Those, then, who sport
other than their own natural locks, can
never be sure whether these are mloleut
of the sepulchre, the gutter, or the mo
vant girl s comb. Ucicntif Arneriran.
For au Obstinate I'ough.
If you have an obftiuate rough, take
the following to a druggist, and have
him prepare it:
R. Tix liquida, 20 drops.
Spts. nitr. dule., 1 drachm.
SJT. Symplex, 2 ounce.
M. S. Teaspoonful night and morning.
He should charge vou but little for it,
as it is cheap. It is the favorite pre-
BCVIrktirtn nf un aiiiina, 1ln. -V
. r ' hihiicuu t.BHlIl pliy-
sieian, who says that he obtained
fijr uiiurnug its u US IlOIll 113
' If,.,,;). ,j
use,.