The Elk County advocate. (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, August 16, 1877, Image 1

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HENRY A. PARSONS, Jr., Editor and Publisher.
Nlti ESPEItANDtJM.
Two Dollars per Annum.KSTS
VOL. VII.
EIDG WAY, ELK COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, AUGUST 16, 1877.
NO. 26.
fill SI
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4 i
V
Nancy, the Pride of the West.
We have dark, lovely looks on the shores whore
the Spanish
From their gay ships came gallantly forth,
And Ue sweet, shrinkin' Toilets sooner will
vanish
Than modest blue eyes from our North.
But oh, if the fairest of fair-danghterod Erin
. Gathered round at her golden request,
There's not one of them M that she'd think
worth comparin'
With Nancy, the Pride of the West.
You'd sUHpect her the statue tho Greek fell in
love with,
If you chanced on her musin' alone,
Or some goddess great Jove was offended
above with,
And chilled to a sculpture of stone ;
But you'd think her no colorless classical
statue,
When she turns from her pensive repose,
With her glowin' brown oyes glancin' timidly at
you,
And the blush of a beautiful rose.
Have you heard Nancy sigh ? Then you've
caught the sad echo
From tho wind-harp onchantingly borne.
Have you hor.rd the girl laugh? Then you've
heard the first cuckoo
Carol summer's delightful return.
And tho songs that poor ignorant country folk
fancy
The lark's liquid raptures on high,
Arc just old Irish airs from the Bwcot lips of
Nancy,
Flowin' up and rcfreshiu' the sky.
And tho' her foot dances so soft from the
heather
To the dow-twinklin' tussocks of grass,
It but warns the bright drops to slip closer to
gether, To irango the exquisite lass,
We've no men left among us so lost to emotion,
Or scornful, or cold to her sex,
Who'd resist her, if Nancy once took up the
notion,
To sot that soft foot on their necks.
Yet for all that the bre flies for honey-dew
fragrant
To the hnlf-opened flower f her lips,
And the butterfly pauses, the purple-eyed
vagrant,
To piny with her p'nk fingor tip,
From all human lovers she locks up the
treasure
A thousand are starving to taste,
And the fairies alone know the magical
measure
Of tiki lavisliin' round of her waist.
Tin' Att'hor of " Songs of Killarhiy."
A MIDNIGHT DEAMA.
What :t sirh was Mint ! not noisy, but
profound mill eloquent nt oure of mi old
grief and a fresh perplexity. Boh
Wither;, thfl gentleman in his shirt-
oerore the. mirror, had lien veil
that si
h everv ninht for teu years.
simultaneously with the net of removing
from hi:i head the fine chestnut wig
which conceals the almost complete des
titution of the natural covering. The
grii-f is therefore nn old one, but an ele
ment of perplexity has mingled with
this nightly nigh more lately namely,
since having wooed and won Angie Me
Lnne in his wig, he has been screwing
up his courage to tho point of revealing
to her that it is a wig, as he feels in fair
ness he ought to do. He has put it off,
and put it off, never finding just the
right opportunity for the confession,
until now the wedding is but a month
off, and tho task seems harder, more im
possible, than ever. He is at present
spending a couple of days at the house
of the McLanes in the country, with a
view to getting acquainted with the
family. For the sake of enjoying unal
loyed the pleasure of Angle's society for
this short time, ho has compromised
with his conscience by resolving nt once
on leaving to write to her and tell the
truth, and by no menus to procrastinate
further.
Meantime the process of getting ac
quainted with the family does not get on
very prosperously. Bob is a poor match
from the parental point of view, anil A
bitter disappointment to the MeLnues.
Nothing but Angle's resolute character
could have extorted the grudging con
sent which their engagement had at
length received. The family consisted,
besides Angie, of her father and mother,
and two brothers, John and George.
Mr. McLane kept his room, being a con
firmed invalid. John, strong-willed and
arrogant hi temper, ruled the family
with a rod of iron George being kinder
tempered, but of much less strength of
character. Angie was the only member
of the family whom John could not rule,
and she had carried the point of her en
gagement against his bitter opposition.
Mrs. McLane was a mere slluttlecock
between John and Angie, receiving an
impulse from one which lasted till the
other got hold of her. John had accept
ed the engagement with nn exceedingly
bad grace, and made scarcely a deoent
pretense of concealing from Bob his
contempt and hostility, and his desire to
find any pretext for forcing a quarrel.
This was particularly unpleasant and
demoralizing to Bob, 'because the injury
to his own self-respect by the sense of
the tacit deceit he was guilty of as to his
wig left him unable to meet John's over
bearing insolence with the quiet dignity
he would have liked to assume.
After going to J bed he lay. awake a
couple of hours thinking over these em
barrassing circumstances, and the de
lightful fact of Angie's love, to which
they were offsets. Iu the course of his
tossings he became aware that his seal
ring, was not on his finger, and instantly
remembered that, after using it for a
forfeit iu a parlor-gamo that evening, he
had forgotten to replace it. Vexation nt
his carelessness instantly made him wide
awake. The ring must be on the library,
table. If not, then he knew not where;
and, if there, it might be filched by a
servant in the morning. Associations
made it invaluable, and he found himself
so uneasy about its safety that he could
not sleep. Perhaps the best thing he
could do was to quietly step down-stairs
in his stockings without disturbing any
body, and make sure about it; He knew
that he could, even in the dark, steer his
way straight to the library. In this
sleepless, excited state of his mind the
slight tinge of adventure in hie plan had
.an attraction.
Jumping out of bad be put ou put
of his clothes, and, softly opening the
door of the room, went across the hall
and down the sta'rs to the ground-floor.
It was quite dark, but he found his way
easily, having a good topographio in
stinct. From the lower hall he entered
the dining-room, and from that the libra
ry. The sea-coal fire in the grate was
still flickering brightly, illuminating the
sumptuously-furnished room with a faint,
soft glow of peculiarly rich effect.
There on the table his ring glittered
in the fitful firelight, and, as he slipped
it on his finger, he felicitated himself on
his successful enterprise. The room was
so charmingly cozy that he felt it would
be a sin not to linger awhile. So, throw
ing himself on a sofa before the grate,
he fell into a delightful reverie.
Just there, in that chaif, Angie had
sat during the evening, and there he
pictured her ngain, finally going and
leaning over it in a caressing attitude,
fondly cheating himself. Over there
had sat Mrs. McLane, and the chair
back at, once transfixed him with two
critical eyes, till he was fain to look away.
The brothers were there, and there.
Bob chuckled with a cozy sense of sur
reptitiousness nB he thought how they
would stare could they see him now.
The subtile pleasure of clandestine things
is doubtless partly the exaggeration of
the personality which takes place as the
pressure of other minds is withdrawn.
To persons of Bob's sensitive mental at
mosphere that pressure is painful when
such minds are hostile, and often irksomo
even when they are friendly, if not in
perfect accord. So that now it was with
a positively voluptuous sensation that
his personality expanded till it filled and,
felt the whole room.
The fire burned, and busily flew tho
shuttles of his fancy, weaving'once again
the often-varied patterns of the future.
Those shuttles had little leisure nowa
days, for nil the web must be unraveled
and rewoveu, that through it all might
run the golden thread of Angie's love.
How rarely did it light up the fabric, be
fore so dull and dark 1
The bronze mantle-clock sounded with
a silvery tinkle the hour of two, but tho
sound fell apparently unheeded on the
cur of the dreamer. It was a full minute
before the impression reached his mind.
There are times when the thoughts
throng so that each new sensation has to
tnko its place in the cue and wait its turn
to get attention. Then he stirred and
roused himself, emerging reluctantly
from the warm, voluptuous atmosphere
of imagination, as one leaves an enerva
ting both. He had been lying thus a
full hour, and it was high time to return
to bed. He left tho library and started
across the dining-room with a hasty step,
Perhaps long gazing at the fire had
dazzled his eyes, or perhaps his haste,
together with an undue confidence iu his
skill iu navigation by dead-reckoning,
rendered him less careful than when he
had come down. However that may be,
a light stand which ho had easily avoided
then, he now blundered fully upon.
Everybody knows that when one stubs
tho toe in the dark, instead of delivering
the blow when the foot is moving slow
est, ut the beginning or the end of the
step, it always happens so that the toe
strikes with tho maximum momentum.
So it was this time. If Bob had been
kicking football he could not have inade
a nicer calculation of force, and the shock
sent the stand completely over.
It would have made noise enough any
how, but it must happen that on this
stand the family silver was laid out for
breakfast, and the clangor was similar to
that of Apollo's silver bow, what time
he let fly at the Grecian host before Troy.
Bob stood paralyzed with horror.
Even the anguish of a terribly stubbed
toe was xorgotten in an overpowering
sense 01 tne awim mess lie had mode,
and Vie unimaginable consequences that
would at once ensue. As the hideous
clangor and clatter rang through the
house, shattering its sacred silence, ho
MiranK together and made himself small,
as if he could impart a sympathetic
shrinkage to the noise. The racket to
his own ears was splitting euouerh. but
l. .1 i:i; . i ... ...
jit lei.i,, m Hiiuiuou, as ii ne nearu it witn
the ears of all the family, and he wilted
before tho conception of the feelincrs
that were at that moment starting up iu J
ineir minus toward the unknown cause
of it.
His first rational idea was, to bolt for
his room, and gain it before any one was
fairly rowed. But the shock had so
scattered his wits that he could not at
once recollect his bearings, and he
realized, with indescribable sensations,
that he was lost. He consumed precious
moments bumping himself all about the
room before he found the right door.
As he reached the foot of the staircase,
voices were audible above, nud lights
were gleaming down. His retreat was
cut off; he could not get back to his
room without being discovered. He now
distinguished the voice of Mrs. McLane
in ail agitated tone entreating somebody
io us enreiui ami not to get shot, the
gruff voices of the brothers responding,
and tlren their steps rapidly descending
the stairs. Should he go up and take
the risk of a volley while announcing
himself? It would make a pretty tab
lenu. Presenting himself in such a guise
and under such circumstances, what sort
of a reception could he expect from John,
who treated him with undisguised con
tempt in the drawing-room, and whose
study it was to place him at a disadvan
tage ? He might have hesitated longer,
but at this moment the voice of Angie,
crying down to her brothers to be care
ful, decided him. He could not face her
under such terribly false circumstances,
and without his wig.
All this took place far quicker than I
can write it. The glimmer of the de
scending lamp already shone dimly in
tho hall, and Bob frantically looked
about him for a hiding-place. But nil
the furniture stood up too high from the
floor, and the corners were distressingly
bare. He sprang into the dining-room,
but in the dark he could not see how
the land lay, and hurried on into the
library.
The dying fire still shed a dim light
around, and he eagerly canvassed the
various possibilities of concealment
which the room offered. Youthful expe
rience in the game of hide-and-seek now
stood him in good stead, and showed him
at a glance the inutility as refuges of
half a dozen places that would have
deluded one less practiced by the spe
cious but too-eily-gU6Md shelter they
afforded.
Vainly seeking a safe refuge, he ran
round the apartment like a rat in a trap.
He already heard the brothers in the
dining-room picking up the silver and
wondering to find it all there, when,
obeying a sudden inspiration, he clam
bered upon a lofty bookcase that ran
across one end of the room, arching
above the dining-room door, and reaching
Within a few feet of the ceiling. In cold
blood he never could have scaled it.
Lying at full length upon the top of the
bookcase with his back to the wall, the
bulge of him was still visible from the
further part of the room, in case it
should occur to his pursuers to look so
high.
The latter now entered tho library;
and, peering over the edge of the book
case, Bob recognized with singular sen
sations the two gentlemen with whom he
had been quietly conversing a little
earlier in the evening. Then they were
arrayed in faultless evening dress, and
their manner, although supercilious
enough, was calm and polished. Now he
saw them half dressed, with disheveled
hair John carrying a student's-lamp in
his left hand, and iu his right nn ugly
looking cane-sword with a blade pain
fully naked, while George held a revolver
at full cock.
Talking in a low tone, as they called
one another's attention to various spots
where possibly the burglar might be
concealed, they went slowly from corner
to corner, probing every recess with the
sword, and in an attitude of strained at
tention to every sound. Their faces, gro
tesquely lit by the mingled fire and lamp
light, showed a fierce hunter's look that
made Bob fairly sick.
He did not dare to look at them long lest
the magnetism of his gaze should attract
their involuntary attention. Nay, he
even made a frantic effort not to think of
them, from the fear that some physical
current might have the same effect for
ho believed strongly, though vaguely,
iu the mysteries of animal magnetism,
and had a notion that a person sensitive
to such influences might detect the pres
ence of his victim by the very terror the
latter had of him.
He could scarcely believe his fortune,
when, a moment later, the two brothers
passed again beneath him back into the
diuing-room.
From there they went on through the
rooms, beyond, and the sound of their
footsteps died away entirely.
Perhaps five minutes after, they re
turned that is, as far as the dining-room
and Bob gathered from their conver
sation that they had found one of the
fastenings in the basement in n condition
indicating that the burglar might have
escaped there.
Mrs. McLane and Angie, having satis
fied themselves that the coast was clear,
descended to the dining-room, and a
lively discussion of all nspects of the
problem ensued, which was highly, edi
fying to Bob.
Then the conversation became still
more interesting, as it turned on himself.
Ho honrjl Mrs. McLane saying:
" He must be a hard sleeper, for I
knocked several times on his door."
Then one of the brothers grunted
something contemptuously, and he
heard Angie's voice excusing him on the
ground that ho must be tired after his
long journey.
"Are you sure you looked everywhere
in the library ?" was Mrs. McLaue's next
question, at which a cold sweat started
out on Bob's face. He had just begun
to feel quite comfortable.
John and George, however, declared
that they had looked everywhere.
" Did you look under the sofa ?"
" Behind the window-curtains ?"
"In that dark corner by the book
case?" nsked the ladies in succession
Ingenious cruelty of fate ! Even Angie
was racking her brain to guess his hiding
place. What if it should be she who hit
upon it 1
Bob drew a breath of relief as John
replied, with some asperity, to all these
questions, that he had told them once
that they looked everywhere.
This silenced them, but Angie said, a
moment after:
" Just let me ask one more question:
Did you look on top of the bookcase ?"
It seemed to Bob that he died then.
and came to life again to hear John reply,
contemptuously:
"Over the bookcase? There's no
room there; and, if there were, nobody
but a monkey could get up."
" There's room enough," persisted
Angie, "and I have often noticed, when
sitting in the library, what a nice hiuing
place it would be. What if he should
be up there now, and hear what I'm
saying!" she added, in au agitated
whisper.
" Nonsense 1" said John.
"Well, there is no harm in looking,
an j way," said Mrs. McLane.
" Come along, then," grumbled John.
" You shall see for yourselves."
At this Bob shut his eyes, and turned
his face to the wall. The ostrich instinct is
the human instinct of despair. He tried to
fly away from himself, and leave his
body there as a derelict. Tho effort was
desperate, and seemed almost successful.
But he could not quite sever the con
nection, though his soul appeared to be
hovering over his body, only attached by
a single thread but a thread which,
alas 1 would not break.
A moment after they all passed
through the door directly beneath him,
and, going clear to the other end of the
library, stood on tiptoe, and peered at
his hiding-place. There seemed to be
eyes in his back, which felt their scrutiny.
But the lamp they carried did not suffice
to bring out his figure clearly.
" I'm sure I see something," said
Angie, getting up on a chair.
" It's only the shadow of the firelight,"
replied John.
" Light the gas and let us make sure,"
said Mrs. McLane.
George stood up on a chair under the
chandelier, and ligi one o the
burners.
An inarticulate ejaculation fell from
every mouth. A human figure was dis-
tinctJv visible, reclining aioug me top oi
the bookcase, with his face toward the
wall. The ladies would have forthwith
run away but for the fact that one door
of the room was directly beneath the
bookcase, and the other close to it.
Upon Bob's paralyzed senses fell the
sharp words of John:
We've got you. Get down 1"
Ha did not move, but at the summons
his oul.irith inexpressible reluctance and
disgust.begnnto return from the end of its
floating thread,and reinhabitthe quarters
for which it could not quite shake oil
responsibility.
" Get up, or I'll shoot 1" Baid George.
" Oh, don't shoot him I" cried Mrs.
McLane, while Bob, still motionless,
dimly hoped he would.
"Get up 1" reiterated John; and ho
did get up. His own will was inactive,
and John's was the force that moved hiB
muscles. He turned around and sat up,
his legs dangling over the edge of the
bookcase, and his wet, white, wretched
faco blankly directed toward the group
a most pitable figure.
"Jump down," said John; "and, if
yon try to escape, you will get shot I"
Bob let himself drop without regard
to how he was to alight, and in conse
quence was severely bruised against a
chair and the edges of the bookcase.
He stood facing the group. His eyes
mechanically sought Augie's. What was
his surprise not to perceive in her ex
pression of mingled curiosity nud fright
the slightest sign of recognition I A
glance showed him that it was the same
with the others. John and George evi
dently supposed they were dealing with
an ordinary burglar, and the others were
apparently quite as devoid of suspicion
as to his identity. His wig I He had
forgotten all about it. That explained
their singular demeanor.
The bald man in stockings, trousers
nud shirt, caught hiding in the library
alter an attempt on the silver, quite
naturally failed to recall to their minds
the youth of rather foppish attire and
luxuriant locks who bade them good
night a few hours previous. As this
fact and its explanation broke upon Bob's
mind he felt an immense sense of relief,
instantly followed by a more poignant
perception of the inextricable falsity and
cruel absurdity of his position. He had
little time to think it over and determine
his best course.
John stepped forward, and with the
point of his cane-sword motioned him
into a corner, thus leaving the way clear
to the ladies, who at once hurried into
the dining-room, throwing glauces of
fear and aversion upon Bob as they
passed. Angie paused nt the doorway
and asked :
" Wlint are you going to do with the
dreadful man ?"
Bob even then was able to notice that
he had never seen her so rnvishingly
beautiful as now, with her golden hair
falling over her charming dcstabillc,
while her eyes scintillated with excite
ment. She would have blushed to have
been seeu by him in such an undress
toilet, but, with an odd feeling of being
double, he perceived that she now re
garded him as she would have an
animal.
"George, and I. will attend to him.
You had better go to bod," replied John
to her question; and then he sent George
after some cord, meanwhile standing in
front of Bob with cocked revolver. Hud
he scanned his prisoner closely, he might
have detected something familiar in his
lineaments, but in careless contempt he
took him in with a sweeping glance as
an average burglar, whose identity was
a question for the police.
Bob had not uttered a word. In the
complex falsity of his position he could
not indeed muster presence of mind to
resolve on ay conrse, but regarded with
a kind of fatuity the extraordinary direc
tion events were taking. But when
George returned with the rope, and or
dered him to put his hands behind him,
he said, in a tone so quiet that it sur
prised himself :
" Hold on, Mr. McLane; this joke has
gone far enough. I am Robert Withers,
at your service, and respectfully decline
to be considered iu the light of a burglar
any further. "
George's jaw dropped with astonish
ment, and John was scarcely less taken
aback.
"D d if he isn't!" ejaculated the
former, after a moment, in a tone of in
credulous conviction, as he recognized
at once the voice and now the f eatures of
Bob; " but where's your hair ?"
Bob blushed pain fully.
"I wear a wig," he replied, "and to
night, coming down-stairs after you
were all abed to get my ring which I had
left on the table here, I did not fully
dress. Going back, it was my luck to
stumble over that cursed stand in the
other room !"
" But what did you hide for ?" asked
John, sharply.
Bob just touched his bald head and re
plied :
" I heard the ladies up."
John pitched the revolver on the sofa
and stood pensive. Finally he said, with
a sardonic smile :
" Mr. Withers, how do you propose to
get out of this ? Shall I call in the
ladies and let you explain ? They will
presently be wanting to know what we
have done with the burglar."
Bob made no reply. Already bitterly
humiliated, he saw no way of avoiding
indefinite and yet bitterer humiliations.
John thought a few minutes longer,
and then he said :
" Take a seat, Mr. Withers ; I have a
proposition to make."
They sat down.
" You are aware," continued John, in
the calmest, most imperturbable tone,
" that I don't like your match with my
sister, and have done my best to break
it off. Jiut she is nn obstinate girl, and
I had pretty much given up hope.
These peculiar circumstances have most
unexpectedly put you in my power, and
I propose to make the most of my ad
vantage. If I were to call in Angie now
and introduce you, I feel tolerably well
assured that it would be the end of your
matrimonial expectations in that quar
ter. Still, you shall have a chance for
your life. I will call her if you say so ?"
And John rose.
" For God's sake don't let her come
in here 1" groaned Bob, in abject panic.
John grinned, stepped toward the
door, and then turned back irresolutely,
muttering :
" Wonder if it wouldn't be the shortest
way out of it to call her down?" Then, with
a saving reflection upon tho uncertainty
of a woman's course under any given set
of circumstances, he came back, and re
seating himself opposite Bob, said, with
a sardouio smije.: "So you don't like
my little suggestion of giving you one
more chance with Angie ? On the whole
I think you are wise. The other alterna
tive is to leave the house at once, re
linquish your engagement, and never
see her" again. Make your choice, and
as qnickly ns convenient, for I'm get
ting sleepy," and he yawned lazily.
Bob sat in an attitude of utter dejec
tion, staring at the ashes of the fire,
which an hour ago had blazed as bright
ly as his own love-lit fancies. He was
completely demoralized and almost in
Capable of thought or resolution. There
was something so pitiable in Bob's odd
looking, dismantled figure, half -dressed,
with that queer, white, bulbous head,
dimmed, black eyes, and expression of
crushing shame and defeat, that it would
have moved almost any one to com
passion. It did stir compunctions in
George, but there was no mercy in
John's still, blue eyes. Two or three
minutes passed in a silence so complete
that even the almost noiseless movement
of the French clock on the mantel was
directly audible.
" You are taking altogether too long
to make up you mind, Mr. Withers. It
will make snorter work to call Angie,"
finally said John, sharply, his patience
quite at an end. He rose and stepped
to the door as he spoke.
"It won't be necessary, John here I
am!" said a clear voice,, with a sharp
ring in it that the family had learned to
know meant decisive work, and Angie
stepped into the room, her blue eyes
flashing with indignation and her lips
trembling with scorn, beautiful as a
goddess.
Bob started up from his abject atti
tude and stood facing her with the look
of a man waiting his doom from the
firing-squad. As he stood there, drawn
up to his full height, with just a touch
of appeal softening the defiance of his
expression, it was a manly face and
figure in spite of all. But her brothers
received Angie's first nttention.
"You mean, cowardly fellows !" she
said, in tones of concentrated contempt.
"I would not have believed that men
were so mean 1 And I am almost as
much ashamed of you, Mr. Withers,"
she added, turning to Bob, with a
softer but yet angry voice. "Did
you think, sir, that I took you for
your beauty ? I don't care if you
wear forty wigs, or none. lou are
nbsurdly vain, 6ir." She was smiling
now. "You should know that when a
woman loves a man it is of grace and not
of works. Anyhow, John," she added,
turning to hiin, as if contrasting his
slight figure with Bob's fine xhyniquc,
" Mr. Withers doesn't wear shoulder
pads." With that parting shot she dis
appeared into the dining-room, in a mo
ment reappearing, to say : "Mr.
Withers.you may forgive them if you want
to. I'm by no means sure that I shall.
And now go to bed, all of you, nud don't
be keeping us awake."
There was nn outward silence for n
few momeuts. Then John said :
" I llou't nsk your pardon, Mr.
Withers, because I meant to succeed,
and I'm sorry I didn't. But I know
when I'm beaten, and you needn't ex
pect no further opposition from me.
Lst's go to bed." Ajyjilcton's Journal.
A Few Good Conundrums.
What is the difference between a
spider and n sea-gull ? One has his feet
on a web and tho other has a web on his
feet.
Why is a hansom cub n daugorous
carriage to drive iu? Because the
coachmau always drives over your head.
Why aro lawyers aud doctors safe
people by whom to take example?
Because they practice their professions.
What is the difference bet ween a sailor
and a soldier ? The ono tars his ropes,
the other pitches his tents.
Why is chloroform like Mendellsohu ?
Because it is ono of tho great com
posers of modern times.
What is the difference between a hun
gry man and a glutton ? One longs to
cat, the other eats to loug.
When were there only two vowels ?
In the days of Nonh (no a,) before you
and I (i) were born.
Why is a good resolution like a faint
ing lady at a ball ? Because it ought to
be carried out.
Why is the strap of an omnibus like
conscience? It is an inward check on
the outer man.
When is butter like Irish children ?
When it is made up into little Pats.
Why is a handsome girl like a mirror?
Because she is a good-looking lass.
Why is a pretty lady like an oat cake ?
Because she is often toasted.
What is the greatest hardship in the
world ? A iron steamer.
What is the best thing to do in a
hurry f Nothing.
Which is the ugliest hood ever worn ?
Falsehood.
What grows bigger as you contract it?
Debt.
Why are troubles like babies? Be
cause they get bigger by nursing them.
There is one crop which is held to be
all the better the more "weeds" it
produces, and that is the tobacco crop.
Thoughts for Saturday Night.
The envious die, but envy never.
Death is the quiet haven of us all.
Fortune, not wisdom, human life doth
sway.
Too much gravity argues a shallow
mind.
We do not know what is really goqd or
bad fortune.
No one is more profoundly sad than he
that laughs too much.
Countries are well cultivated not as
they are fertile, but as they are free.
That laughter costs too much which
is purchased by the sacrifice of decency.
The first and worst of all frauds is to
cheat one's self. All sin id easy after
that.
The greatest glory of a free born peo
ple is to transmit their glory to their
children.
To be a man, in a true sense, is, in the
first place, and above all things, to have
a wife.
The man who seeks freedom for any
thing but freedom's self is made to be a
slave.
Bid that welcome which comes to pun
ish us, and we punish it, seeming to Dear
it lightly.
Husbands and wives talk of the cares
of matrimony and bachelors and spinsters
bear them.
Though fortune's malice overthrow my
state, my mind exceeds the oompaM of
her will, Shakespeare
DANIEL WEBSTER'S FAITH.
Mectlnn the llnnbniiit or Ilia Dead Mister
A Visit I'nsscd In Prayer,
The death of the Hon. Peter Harvey,
Webster's most intimate nud confidential
friend, recalls a conversation held with
hint by tho writer some time since, re
lating to the character of the great states
man, wherein many of his excellent
qualities were mentioned, and aniotlg the
rest his deep religious feeling, which,
notwithstanding the numerous claims
upon him many diverting his attention
from serious reflections never Wholly
lost its hold, though dulled perhaps, for
a season. He was educated in the old
Presbyterian faith, strengthened by his
training at Dartmouth College, and the
religious sentiment held a prominent
place in his mind. Mr. Harvey dwelt
with especial interest on this trait in the
character of his distinguished friend,
and gave as an illustration what he con
sidered to be one of the grandest in
cidents of his career.
Webster left his home early for busy
life, and returned there only on periodi
cal occasions. There were sisters who
grew up after he left, and one of these
was married to a man whom he did not
know I write from memory named
John Colby, aud removed to his home in
another part of New Hampshire, or in
Vermont, nnd he never saw her again.
Her husband was a violent and profane
man, but her gentleness subdued him;
he became a Christian, and when she
died he was left in the deepest grief.
On a visit with Mr. Harvey to the old
homestead, at a late period of his life,
an old man then, but vigorous in body
and intellect, he proposed to his friend
that they should go in pursuit of John
Colby, whom he never had seen, and the
description of this journey, ns given by
Mr. Harvey, was charming to listen to.
As they rode along, every scene had its
history or tradition. Reminiscence
crowded upon reminiscence, and Web
ster's memory seemed exhaustless, ns
scene followed scene in the panoramic
display. And where the memory was
not culled into action the grandest reflec
tions were introduced, which made every
stop of the way replete with the sub
liniest interest. Here was a spot where
he had played as a boy, there a pond in
which he had swam or shot waterfowl;
there a withered tree which had served
as a target for the young sportsman, and
there a mountain whose lofty peak had
drawn his aspirations heavenward in his
earlier days. All were as fresh in his
feelings ns things of yesterday, nnd he
was a boy again, with all the abandon of
the boy a delightful companion nnd his
friend a delighted listener.
Thus they went on iu the full enjoy
ment of everything until they came to
their destination. This was a neat white
houso upon a gentle elevation, with a
veranda about tho structure, upon which,
in the shallow, commanding a view of
tho beautiful landscape, sat an old
white-haired man reading. He looked
up from his book ns they entered the
yard leading to tho house, and came to
meet them. Mr. Webster nbrubtly ac
costed him :
" Aro you John Colby ?"
"I am," was the reply.
"Then," said his interlocutor, with a
trembling voice, "I am Daniel Web
ster." The greeting that followed was of the
most hearty description; both wept as
they embraced agniu and again.
"And are you," said Colby, holding
tho statesman at arms' length, "the
Daniel Webster whose name has been
so loug and so conspicuously before the
public of whose fame I have been so
proud ? Oh, that your sister had lived
to see this day ! Brother Daniel," con
tinued the old man, " are you a Chris,
tian ?"
"I trust I am," was the emphatic
reply.
"Then let us pray."
They all three kneeled in the open air.
ttie Bible open between them, and Web
ster prayed. "And such a prayer,"
saui Mr. Harvey, with tears in Ins eyes,
us ne recalled tne scene, bo long after
ward, " I never listened to, as came from
his lips. Such power, such fervency,
such reverence, such tenderness seemed
never before blended with such intel
lectual grace and beauty. All were
melted by the effort, as with clasped
hands and bowed heads the brothers
poured out their souls in praise and sup
plications. " .
Then they arose, and in that sweet
communion of spirit talked of the past
and the future, the light of heaven rest
ing upon them as they walked arm in
arm across the veranda, and oftener by
expressive silence saying more than
words could convey. Their parting was
very tender. They knew it was a final
parting, aud a deep solemnity rested
upon the ceremony. But the farewell
wus at last said, and as they looked back
the hands of the old man were raised in
benediction.
Delicacy of Feeling.
Delicacy of feeling is a trait of charac
ter almost more lovely and engaging
than any other. It is a quality whose
hidden principle exists in a greater or
less degree in every mind, though it is
often thrown into the shade by the work
ings of the fiercer passions, in the rude
encounters of lifo. Man's mind, as mani
fested in his daily converse with the
outward world, seems to be made of
"sterner stuff" nnd cast in rougher
molds, but delicacy is no mark of weak
ness, for it is essentially consistent with
the stoutest courage aud the sublimest
energy. It is in every respect a manly
quality, and throws over the whole in
tellectual and moral character a kindlier
hue. If true delicacy exists in the heart,
it will gush spontaneously from it. and
never can the cold cant of hypocritical
formulity be mistaken for the warm wel
come of the soul.
Power, mental or physical, never ap
pears so great as in the hands f those
who seem unconscious of its possession.
True intellectual greatness gathers an ad
ditional charm when accompanied by real
delicacy of feeling. Kindness may en
ter where the sword cannot penetrate,
and a " soft answer " and winning de
portment, springing from delicate feel
ings and a generous heart, have always
E roved irresistible. Breathing nothing
ut harmony and love, a " a ministerinsr
angel " to mankind, it goes to and fro
on the earth, uniting everywhere more
firmly and strongly tb bonds of social
Oslo,
Items of Interest.
The center of gravity An undertaker's
nose.
rc tv. an 910. anlinnl-coins children in
San Francisco, 2,082 are Chinese.
ThA Alfred iMe.) iail prisoners' are
put to work catching potato bugs.
ti, TTnitAil States annually ships over
100,000 boxes of clothes-pins to EngJ
land.
rri.iwfl ara nlanvH twentv-five thousand
lost umbrellas at the Paris chief of
police's office.
"Whatever is, is right," Pope re
mnvto.i Tint Mm man who arrives '
the depot just ns the train is scudding
along at the otner enu is generally itw
A atmlra of liclitninc the other dav
tore a boy's boot all to pieces and didn t
harm the boy. xne reason was vu uo
had placed the boot under a tree and
gone in swimming.
A writer says that when a swimmer
gets a cramp, he should turn his toes
t,nA fl.o Vnoo Another cood way is
to turn your toes toward the middle of
, - F 1.1... . .1
the pond, ana paw ior mu ucaicni uij
land.
A Vow Vnrlt renorter has complained
nf a Iidi,,1 nvcrnn man ns a nuisance.
Such a man would never do iu the West,
where the reporters are hushed to sleep
by the uproar of steam thrashing ma
chines.
A tvinlr rPHnrted to ilist UOW bv a clasS
of sharpers in London, is to pnint the
feathers ot sparrows bo ns to uimc mem
look like buliinches. They are disposed
of to amateur bird fanciers nt good
prices.
Tli A flnvlior of East Douecal
township, Pennsylvania, mixed some
nnria m-opn in n lllieltp.t nnd 6Ct it neat
the fence adjoining the pasture. Four
cows found the stun, nnu luuneu iuc
bucket."
Vr.l,-r lilroo tn Iia nohodv: but every
body is pleased to think himself some
body. Ana everyDouy is suuiuuimj , uu
when everybody thinks himself some
body, he Generally thinks everybody
else is nobody.
A young lady at Falls Church, a.,
smoked n cigarette given to her by u
medical gentleman, nnd woko up iu the
middle of the night feeling ns though
she had eattm a peck of green apples
, . . . . . i .
nnd several immature cucumuers.
Several English railway compunies
are noted for the fast time made by their
locomotives. One, for instance, has
mode a run equal to seventy-eight miles
nu hour, another seventy-five, others
seveuty-two, seventy, sixty-nine, sixty
seven, etc.
A Pacific-slope Indian was pleased by
his introduction to a galvanic battery,
though it doubled him all up. Because,
as he remarked to his squnw: " Me buy
'em one for you; knock spots out you
spose you no good woman. You sabo
mo, Mrs. Jim."
One reason why the New York
Graphic .refuses to publish anything
from George Francis Train is becauso
"Mr. Train's articles are worth 820,000
apiece to any paper, if they are worth a
cent, but the times aro too lu.rd for ns
to pay at this rate, and we decline to
give any man less than his due. "
He wiped his heated brow, he did,
His brow so intellectual ;
Cut all he said about the heat
Was sadly ineffectual.
But sho, sweet lass, did Hay to him,
In mellow tones unwavering,
" Dear George, I am so warm ; I'd like
Ice cream, with lemon flavoring.'"
A young student in natural history
asks us if it is really a fact that the lion
can be subdued by the force of the
human eye alone. We do not know
from experience, but all the men whom
we have ever seen placed in a situation
to try the experiment, evinced no desire
to annihilate the beast with their eyes,
but appeared to have a most insane long
ing to shin up a tree.
"I'll bet you a new hat," said a
gentleman friend, " that you will come
down out of thnt chair before I ask you
twice." "Done!" replied the friend.
"Come down," cried the other. "I
will not," said his friend, with much
obstinacy. " Then stop till I ask you a
second time," said the other. Perceiving
that he never would be asked a second
time, the gentleman in the chair came
down, in a double sense.
Kkising Day in Russia.
A curious Easter custom prevails
among the Russians of all grades of
society. The fashion is to present an
egg to a friend the first time you meet
him or her most generally her ufter
twelve o'clock on Easter night. The one
who presents the egg exclaims : " Christ
is risen !" The other auswers : " Is He
risen, indeed I" and throe kisses follow.
Of course the second one has generally
an egg to present in return.
Timid swains eagerly take advantage
of this custom to obtain the privilege of
embracing some fond object whom they
would otherwise be too bashful to ap
proach. These eggs are of all kinds
some simple hens', eggs, gilded or
silvered, or colored ; red, blue or violet;
some sugar eggs, embellished with nil
kinds of fanciful designs. There are
also diminutive gold, marble, or simple
wooden eggs ; others are large enough
to serve as ladies' traveling bags ; or
they may be placed on stands to serve
as a useful ornament ; hens may sit on
a nest full of bon-bon eggs ; and some
may be fitted up inside with a set of chil
dren's toys. There are eggs, in fact,
arranged iu every imaginable manner,
and made out of every imaginable
material. -
On this day hundreds of thousands of
these change hands in St. Petersburg
alone, and the sum spent in their pur
chase must be prodigious.
A Model District.
In that part of the Black Forest be
lor gin g to the grand duchy of Baden lies
the pretty district of Koenigsfeld, con
taining about 410 inhabitants. During
fifty years there have been in it no crimes
or misdemeanors of any sort neither
transgressions of the police regulations,
nor sheriffs sales, nor divorces, nor law
suite of any kind. Moreover, in these
last fifty years at Koenigsfeld no one has
ever got drank or stretehed out a hand
to beg.