HENRY A. PARSONS, Jr., Editor and Publisher. NIL. DESPERANDUM. Two Dollars per Annum. VOL. V. RIDGWAY, ELK COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, MARCH 4, 1875. NO. 2. Doubtful John. Now John, it is in honest name, As very well you know j There's good John Smith, and good John Brown, And small Johns in a row. But there's one John we temperance folks Have put our ban upon A sly, suspicious kuid of elf And that is demi-John. " I'm euro it might contain, dear sir, Good vinegar," say you. " Or water from the fountains pure, Or ruuning stream j" that's true t But who'd believe your word, I pray. While you was trudging on, With no companions at your aide Except a demi-John V This John has a capacious mouth, So vory deep and wide, He often swallows fortunes up Before he's satisfied. Then, boys, I tell you what it is. My word depend upon, You'd better not bo introduced Tu doubtful demi-John. THE SWEEP'S STORY. " Svi-thee-eep I Svi-theo-eep !' Don't sound much like sweep ? No, it don't; but then one has to have one's regular cry, os folks may kuow us by. Why, listen to any of them in the morning about the street, and who'd think it was creases as this one was a-hollering, or Yarmouth bloaters that one; or that " Yow-hoo!" meant new milk? It ain't what wo Bay it's tho sound of our voices. Don't the servant gals as hears us of a morning know what it means well enough when the bell rings, and them sleepy abed? Oh, no, not at all. But there's no niussy for 'em, and we jangles away ut tho bell, and hollers a good 'un till they lets us in ; for, yon see, it comes niit'ral when you're obliged to be up yourself and out in the cold, to not like other folks to be muggling it in bed. lint, then, it's one's work, you know, nml I dunuo whether it was that or tho sutt as give me this here hoarse voice, which nothing clears now most likely it was the sutt. How times are altered, though, since I was a boy ! That thero climbing-boy act o' Purlyment made a reg'lar revolution in our business, and now here wa goes with this here bundle ' canes, with a round brush at tho eml. like a great, long, screw fishing-rod, you know, all in jynts, and made of the best Malacky caue, so as to go into all tho inns and outs, and bend about anywhere, till it's right above tho pot, and bending and swinging down. But they're poor tilings, bless you, and don't sweep a chimbley half like a boy used. You never heers tho rattlo of a' brush at the top of a chiinbly-pot now, and the boy boy giving his " Hillo hallo hullo o-o-o I" to show as he'd not been sham ming and skulking half-way up the flue. Why, that was one of the cheery sounds as you used to hear early in the lnorniu', when you was tucked up warm in bed; for there was always somebody's chini Hey a-being swept. Puts me in mind again of when I was a littlo bit of a fellow, and at home with mother, a3 I can recollect with o nice, pleasant face, and a widder's cap round it. Hard pushed, poor thing, when she took mo to Jon Barkby, the chiinney sivecp, as said he'd teach mo the trade if she liked. And there was I, shivering lining Hiuu oi iienmu morning, wueu sne was obliged to take me to Joe ; and we got there to And him sitting over his nrextuss, and lie arst mother to have some. But her heart was too full, poor thing, and she wouldn't, and was going away, and Joe sent mo to the door to let her out ; and that's one of the things as 1 shall never forget no, not if I lives to be a hundred my poor mother's sad, weary face, and the longing look she gave me when we'd said "Goodbye," and I was going to shut the door after her such a sad, looking look, as if she could have caught me up and run off with me. I saw it as she stood on the step, and me with the door in my hand that there given door, with a bright brass knocker, and brass plate with "B;irkby,Chimney-sweop," on it. There was tears in her eyes, too ; and I felt so miserable myself I didn't know what to do as I stood watching ier ; and she came and give me one more kiss, say ing, " God bless you!" and then I shut the door a little more and a little more, till I could see the same sad look through quite a littlo crack ; and then it was close shut, and I was wiping my eyes with my knuckles. Ah ! I have often thought since as I shut the door a deal too soon ; but I was too young to know ull as that poor thing must have suffered. Barkby want a bad sort ; but then, what enn you expect from a sweep ? He didn't behave so very bad to us little chummies ; but there it was up at four, and trapes through the cold, dark streets, hot or cold, wet or dry; and then stand shivering till you could wake np the ser vants an hour, perhaps, sometimes. Then iu you went to the cold, miserable house, w.th the carpets all mp, or p'raps you had to wait no one knows Tiow long while tho gal was yawning, and knick kuick:kuicking with a flint and steel over a tinder-box, and then blowing the spark till you could get a brimstone match alight. Then there was the forks to get for us to stick the black cloth in front of the fireplace, and then there was one's brush, and the black cap to pull down over oub'a face, pass under the cloth, and begin swarming up the chimney all in the dark. It was very trying to ft little bit of a chap of ten years old, you know, quite fresh to the job; and though Barkby gave me lots of encouragement, without being too chuff, it seemed awful as soon as I got hold of the bars, which was quite warm then, and begun feeling my way, hot, and smothery, and sneezy in my cap, till I got my head such a pelt against some of the brickwork that I began to cry; for this was the first high chimbley as I'd been put to. But I chokes it dowu, as I stood there with my little bare feet all amongst the cinders, and then began to climb. Every now and then Barkby shoves his head under tho cloth, and "Go ahead, boy," he'd say; and I kep on going ahead as fast as I could, for I was ofeored on him, though he never spoke very gruff to me; but I had heard him g and cuss awful, And I didn't want to put him out. Bo there was I, poor little chnp I'm sorry for myself even now, you know swarming up a little bit at a time, crying away quietly, ami rubbing the skin off my poor knees and elbows, while the plaoo felt that Lot anil stuffy I could Lordly breathe, cramped up as I was. Now, you wonldn't think as any one could see in the dark, with their eyes close shut, and a thick cap over their face, pulled right down to keep tho sutt from getting up their nose-you wouldn't think any one could see anything there; but I could, quite plain; and what do you think it was ? Why, my mother's face, looking at me so had, and sweet, and smiling, through her tears, that it made I mo give quite a choking Bob every now I anil men, lor 1 was new at climbing, and I this was a long chimbley, from the housekeeper's room of a great house, j right from underground, to the top. Sometimes I'd stop and have a cry, I for I'd feel bent out, and the face as had i cheered me on was gone; but then I'd hear Bnrkby's choky voice come mutter I ing up tho floo, same as I've shouted to lots o boys m my time, " Go ahead, boy !" and I'd go ahead again, though at last I was nobbing and choking as hard as I could, for I kep on thiuking as I should never get to tho top, and be stuck there always in the chimbley, never to come out no more. "I won't bo a sweep, I won't be a sweep," I says, sobbing and crying; and all tho time making up my mind as I'd run away first chance, and go home again; and then, after a good long struggle, I was in the pot, with my head out, then my arms out, and the cap off for the cool wind to blow in my face. And, ah ! how cool and pleasant that first puff of wind was, and how tho fear and horror seemed to ge away as I climbed out, aud stood looking about me; till all at once I started, for there came up out of the pot, buzzing like, Barkby's voice, as ho calls out " Gj ahead, boy !" So then I set to rattling owny with my brush-handle, to show as I was out, and then climbs down on to the roof, and begins looking about me. It was just getting daylight, so that I could see my way about; and all seemed so fresh aud slrunge that, with my brush in my hanil, 1 begins to wander over tne roofs, climb ing up the plates aud sliding down t'other side, which was good fun, nud bore doing two or three times over. I Then I got to a parapet, and leaned look : ing over into the street, aud thinking of what a way it would bo to tumble; but j so far off being afraid, I got on to the i stone coping, aud walked along ever so far, till I came to an attic window, where I I could peep in and Bee a man lying I asleep, with his mouth half open; then I climbed up another slope and had an other slide down, and then another, and another, till I forgot all about my sore knees; and nt last sat astri Je of the high est part, looking about mo at tho view I had of tho tops of houses as far as I could see, for it was getting quite light now. All at once I turned all of a horrible fright, for I reckelected about Barkby , and felt almost os if he'd got hold of me, aud was tlirashiug mo for being so long. I ran to the first ehimbley-sttick, but that wasn't right; for I knew as the one I came up was atop of a nlnte sloping roof. Then I ran to another, thinking I should know the one I came out of by the sutt upon it. But they'd all got sutt upon 'em c-very chiuibley-pot I looked at; and so I hunted about from one to an other till 1 got all in a muddle, and didn't know where I was, nor which pot I'd got out of. Last of all, shaking aud trembling, 1 makes sure as I'd got the right one, and climbing up, I managed, after nearly tumbling off, to get my legs in, when putting down mf cap, I let my self down a bit at a time, when leaviug go, I slipped with a regular rush good ness knows how far, till I came to a bend in the chimbley, where I stopped short scraped, and bruised, and trembling, while I felt that confused I couldn't move. After a bit I came round a little, and, wliiivmerinir imil evvinrr tn mvself. T gan to feel my way about a bit with my ! toes, and tnen got along, a little way straight like, when the chimbley tok another bend down, nnd stiffly nml slow ly I let myself down a littlo and a little till my feet touched cold iron, and I could get no further. But after thinking a bit, I mado out where I was, and that was, standing on tho register of a fire place; so I begins to lift it up with my toes as well as I could, wheu crash it went down again, auu there came such a squealing and screeching as mado me begin climbing up again as fast as I could till I reached the bend, where I stopped and had another cry, I felt so miserable; and then I shrunk np and shivered, for there came a roar and a rattle that echoed up the chimbley, while the sutt came falling down in a way that nearly smothered me. Now, I knew enough to tell myself tliat the people, being frightened, had fired a gun up the chimbley, while the turn round as it took had saved me from being hurt. So I sat squtitted up quite still, and then heard someone shout out, "Hallo !" two or three times, nnd then, "Puss, puss, puss!" "Ah, that's it, is it?" I thinks; and being a bit of a mimic, I sings out softly, " Miau, mi yow," when I could hear voices whis pering a bit, and then the register was banged down, as I supposed by the noise. Only fancy sitting in a bend of tho chimbley, shivering with fear and half smothered with heat aud sutt. while your breath comes heavy and thick from the cap over your face ! Not nice, it ain't ; and more than once I've felt a bit sorry for tho poor boys us lVe sent up chitn bleys in my time. But there I was, and I soon began scrambling up again, and worked hard, for the chimbley was wider tlian the other one. Last of all, I got to the pot, aud on the stack, and then again I had a good cry. Now, when I'd rubbed my eyes again, I had another look round, and felt as if I was at the wrong pot; sol scrambled down, slipped over the slates, and got to a stack in front, when I felt sure I was right, for there was black finger-marks on the red pot; so I got up, slipped my legs in, and taking care this time that I didn't fall, began to lower myself down slowly, though I was all of a twitter to know what Barkby would do to me for being so long. Now I'd slip a little bit, being so sore and rubbed I could hardly stop myself; and then I'd manage to let myself down gently; but all as once the chimbley seemed to open so wide, being an old one, I suppose, that I couldn't reach very well yith my back and elbows pressed out; s, feeling myself slipping again, I tried to stick my nails in the bricks, at the same time drawing my knees 'most up to my chin, wheu down I went perhaps a dozen feet, and then, when there was a bit of a curve, I stuck reg'lar wedged in nil of a heap, nose and chin together, knees up ngainst the bricks on one side, and my back agaiust the other, and me not able to move. For a bit I was so frightened that I never tried to stir; but last of nil the horrid fix I was in came upon me liko a clap, and there I was, half-choked, drip ping with perspiration, and shuddering in every limb, wedged in where oil was as dark as Egypt. After a bit I managed to drag off my cap, thinking that I could then see the doylight through the pot. But mo the chimbley curved about too nineh, and all was dark as ever; while what puzzled me was, that I couldn't breathe any easier now the cap was off," for it seemed hot, and close, and stifly, though I thought that was through me being so frightened, for I never fancied now but what I was iu the right chimbley, and wonder d that Barkby didn't shout at me. But all at oueo there came a terrible creeping fear all over me a feeling that I've nev er forgotten, nor never shall as long as I'm a sweep. It was as if the blood iu my body had run out and left mo weak, and helpless, and faint, for down below I could hear a heavy beat beat beat noiRe, that I knew well enough, and up tinder me came a rush of hot smoke that nearly suffocated me right off; when I gave such a horrid shriek of fear as I've never forgot neither, for the sound of it frightened me worse. It didn't sound like my voice at all, as I kept on shriek ing, and groaning, and crying for help, too frightened to move, though I've often thought since as a littlo twisting on my part would have set me loose, to try and climb up again. But, bless you, no; I could do nothing but shout aud cry for help, with the noise I made sounding hollow and stifly, and tho heat and smoke coming up so ns to nearly choke me over and over again. I knew fast enough now that I had come down a chimbley where there had been n clear fire, and now some one had put lumps of coal on, and been breaking them up; and in the fright I was I could do nothing else but shout away until my voice got weak and wirv. and i could do nothing but cough and wheeze for breath. But I hadn't been crying for uotlung, though; for soon I heard some one shout up the chimbley, and then came a deal of poking and noise, and the snioke and heat came curling up by me worse than ever, so that I thought it was all over with me, but at the same time came a whole lot of hot, bad-smelling steam; and then some one knocked nt the bricks float) by lily Kail, HUH X llUltlU U UUZ- zing sound, when I gave a hoarse sert of j cry, aud then felt stupid and half asleep. By -and-hye there was n terrible knock ing and hammering close beside me, getting louder and louder every mo- I menfc; and yet it didn't seem to mattei j to me, for I hardly knew whnt was going ! on, though tho voices came nearer and , the noise pl'duer; and at last I've a bit i of recollection of hearing somo one say, j " Fetch brandy," and I wondered ' whether tliey meant Barkby, while I J could feel the fresh air" coming upon me. I Then I seemed to waken up a bit, and j see the daylight through n big holo, i while thero was ever so much broken bricks and mortar between mo and the I light; and next thing I recollect is lying upon a mattress, with a fine gentleman leaning over me, and holding my hand in his. "Don't," I says in a whisper; "it's all sutty." When I see him smile, and he asked me how I was. " Oh, there ain't no bones broke," I says; "only Barkby, him as some on you called ' Brandy,' '11 half kill me." "What for ?" says another gentleman. "Why, coming down the wrong cliim bley," I says; and then, warming up a bit with my wrongs, " but 'twarn't my fault," I says. " Who could tell t'other from which, when there warn't no nuni-! bers nor uothink on 'em, and they was '. IU1 in i iyi , m, iwi juu U1UU K JLJJUW illlil 11, come down, and him aswearing acause you was so long? Where is he?" I says in a whisper. One looked at t'other, and there was six or seven peoplo about me; for I was lying on the mattress put on the floor close aside a great hole in tho wall, and a heap o' bricks and mortar. " Who ?" says tho first gent, who was a doctor. "Why, Barkby," I says, "my guv'nor, as sent me up number seven's chim bley." " Oh, ho's not here," says some one. " This ain't number sevon, this is num ber ten. Send to seven," he says. Then they began talking a bit, and I heard something said about "poor boy," und "fearful groans," and "horrid position, " nnd they thought I didn't hear 'em; for I'd got my eyes shut, meaning to sham Abram when Barkby came, for fear he should hurt mo. But I needn't have shammed, for I couldn't neither stand nor sit up for a week arter; and I believe, arter all, it's that has had something to do with me being so husky voiced. Old Barkby never hit me a stroke; and I believe, arter all, he was sorry for me. But a sweep's is a queer life even now, though afore the act was passed some poor boys was used cruel, and more than one's got stuck in a flue, to be got out dead. A Knowing Dog, There was a panic in a Paris street over the conduct of a magnificent re triever in front of the window of a dealer in picture frames. He jumped, yelled, barked, tried to throw himself through the glass; und he was mad, of course. They were about to kill him, but a philosopher interfered. It seemed to him that all those eccentricities of the dog had relation to a portrait in the win dow. So it proved. All this was joy at sight of the portrait of a lady. That huly lived in Marseilles, and the dog had been stolen from her many months be fore. Strange chance to find his way home by the picture placed there casually to exhibit the frame. Interesting Facts la Physiology, Why do we feel drowsy after eating heartily f Boconse while the stomach is in action a great proportion of the blood is drawn toward it, and no the blood is withdrawn from other parts of the body, they fall into a state of languor. Why does tho milky or nutritious matter separate from the innutritions, upon admixture with bile ? Boenuso tho bile contains an-oily matter which repels the watery milk of nutrition. , Tho pan creatic juice also enters through the same duct with bile. Butitspreeise use is not understood. It is a fluid much liko the snlivary secretions of the glands of the mouth. What becomes of the nutrition when it has entered the vessels of the circula tion ? It is sent through a largo vein into the heart, entering that organ on tin right side, from which the heart propels it into tho lungs, mixed venous blood, and the venous or blue blood is sent into the lungs, taking with it the milk, the formation of which we have traced. How is food itigested in tho stomach ? It enters the stomach in the form of paste, produced by the action of the mouth; and directly the food enters, the gastric juice, which is formed by glands embedded in the coats of the stomach, trickles down tho sides. This is a more powerful solvent thnu the salivary jnico; it is like the same kind of fluid, only much stronger, and it soon turns the food from a rough and crude paste into a grayish cream (chyme). The cream is passed toward the door which leads out ward from the stomach (pylorus) ; but if, in the midst of the cream, there are any undissolved particles of food, it closes upon them nnd they return again to tho stomach to be f urther changed. How is the nutrition taken away from tho bilious residue? Tho muscular threads (or bands, as we figuratively call them ), called the alimentary canal or bow els. This cauid is some thirty feet iu length, and is folded in various layers across the abdomen, and tied to the edge of a sort of apron, which is gathered up and fastened to the backbone. All along this alimentary canal those muscular hands are pushing the digested mass along. But on tho coat or surface of the canal there are millions of littlo vessels called lucteals, which look for tho minute globules of milk as the pass aud absorb them. Thero is an immense number of the little vessels, all busily at work pick ing up food for the system. A Cold Winter Years Ago. The winterof 1841 wasfuinoHS tlu-ough-out New England os being much colder than any which had preceded it. Prob ably no year since could furnish testi mony for cold either so intense or pro tracted. Tho suw, which covered the whole country as early as the 13th of November, was still found tho next April covering the fences. The Boston l'ost Jioy, lorjniuiiay i, reports a tent ,on the Charles river for the entertain ment of travelers. The Bsston Xcica Letter, for March 6, tells us that "peo plo ride every day from Stamford, Conn., to Long Island, which is three leagues." Even as far east as New London, we are tld tkat "the ice extended into the Sound as fur as could bo seen from the town;" and that "Fisher's Island was united to the mainland by a solid bed." On March 28, tho Boston Xcw Letter reports that tho people living on Thomp son's Island hud crossed over to Dor chester to church on the ice for tho fifteen preceding Sundays. As late as tho lith of July a letter from Now London, Conn., reports on tho east sido of the Connecticut river a body of ice ns largo as two carts can draw, clear and solid, and adds very artlessly that " it might lay there a mouth longer were it not that bo many resort out of curiosity to drink punch mado out of it." On tho 17th of July snow was still lying in a nias in the town of Ipswich, Mass., nearly four feet thick. But the most marvelous record of that season is the statement mado by Alonzo Lewis, nuthor of " Tho Annuls of Lynn, Mass.," that "Francis Lewis, tho signer of the Declaration of Indepen dence, drove his horse from New York to Barnstable, tho whole length of Long Island Sound, on the ice." A Very Xatural Mistake. Max Adeler offers this: Always cork up your catsup bottles tightly. Going out on the steam cars the other day, wo observed a man place a bottle of tomato catsup, neck downward, in the rack above his seat. Presently a friend came in, and in a few moments tho friend, who was cleaning his nails with a knife, introduced the subject of a third terra for Grant. The discussion gradually be came warm, and as the excitement in creased the man with the knife gesticu lated violently with the hand containing the weapon, us he explained his views on the question. Meantime tho cork jolted out of the bottle overhead, and the cat sup dropped down over the owner's head and coat and collar without his perceiv ing the fact. Directly a nervous old lady on the opposite seat, who caught sight of the red stain, and imagined it was blood, instantly began to scream " mur der " at the top of her voice. As the passengers, conductors, and brakemeu rushed up, she brandished her umbrella wildly, and exclaimed: "Arrest that man "there ! Arrest that willin t I see him do it. I see him stab that other one with his knife till the blood spurted out Oh, you wretch ! Oh, you willinous rascal, to take human life in that scandal ous manner, I see you punch him with the knife, you butcher, you 1 aud I'll swear it agin you in court, too, you awdacious rascal !" They took her into the rear car and soothed her, whilo the victim wiped the catsup off his coat. But that venerable old woman will go down to the silent grave with the con viction that she witnessed in those cars ono of the most awful and sanguinary encounters that has occurred since the affair between Cain and Abel. The county of De Kalb, 111., voted thirteen years ago, through its super visors, a bounty of $100 to each volun teer in the Eighth Illinois cavalry, and paid $05 to each of eight hundred and forty men. The survivors and heirs of. these have now brought suit for " bock pay " with interest, and, should they win, the county will be forced to pay claims amounting to $50,000, HOUSES OX FIRE. A Few Hints for thone who 1.oi their Presence of Allnd at a Fire. The burning of a tenement-house in this city, says the New York Times, furnished a striking example of tho man ner in which ordinarily courageous peo ple lose all their presence of mind when in danger of death by fire. We have all heard the story of the woman who, finding herself cut off from hopo of es cape from a house in flames, threw her baby out of a fourth-story window, and carefully lowered the pet kitten to the ground with a rope made of blankets. It is rocorded also that a clergyman in a couulry town, awaking in the middle of the night to find his chnrch half burned down, risked his life in heroic efforts to save the lightning-rod, quite forgetting that there was much more valuable prop erty to be extricated from tho general ruiu. When the great fires occurred in Chicago and Boston, hundreds of per sons seemed so complet ely to lose control of their senses that they would have rushed into the flames had they not been kept back. The "night of fires" iu Paris in 1871, when the torch of the in cendiary was applied in a hundred streets at once, drove many persons out of their senses. The horrors of the ter rible entaatropho of Fall lliver, still fresh iu tho minds of our readers, were largely duo to tho temporary madness which foil upon the operatives who, iu their haste to escape from whnt they feared was ono impending death, rushed headlong upon another. People who would display great firmness and bravery in the midst of peril by water, or amid the terrors of a railroad accident, are powerless to save even themselves, not to speak of others, in presence of flames. In tho recent disaster in this city, two children lost their lives by suffocation. Their father ond mother, with a third child, occupying an adjoining room, awoke to find everything enveloped in smoke, nnd at once ran out of doors. A moment's reflection would have con vinced the hapless father that ho should have aroused the other children, and that all should have left the house together. But he seems to have lost all recollection of them until he had been in the street for some time, when, suddenly aroused to a sense of their danger, he bravely rushed into the flames in search of them. His efforts to reach them were vain, and he would hove lost his own life had not the policemen and firemen taken cour ageous risks in going after him, ond dragging him back to the fresh oir. All other occupouts of the house, on the floors above this unfortunate family, were saved, although they did not awake until almost surrounded by the flames, which burst up through the planks be neath them. Wliile the fire was iu pro gress, half dressed people, who had escaped, refused to take shelter, despite tho intense cold, and were with the greatest difficulty restrained from rush- lug liAtvs muawUw UULl ItlC, U1U iLllnt.il u- bly perishing there. The samo lack of presence of mind, the same apparent in sanity when danger is near, was displayed at the burning of the weaving factory in Brooklyn. Fire, which broke out among a quantity of waste jute in the cellar of the factory, spread rapidly to the upper steries, cutting oft' flight by the stair ways for somo seventy work girls. A pnuic ensued, and there was danger of a repetition of the Fall lliver calamity, when some one discovered that escape was possible by jumping to tho roof of an extension, which was not more than six feet from the windows f the second story. Even this easy menus of exit did not servo, however, to lessen tho panic, and many of tho girls were severely cut nnd bruised in their frantic efforts to get out at tho windowH. Those who remained calm nnd obeyed tho firemen wore res cued without tho slightest injuries. An ounec of prevention is, of course, worth a pound of cure, nnd it would naturally be much wiser to avoid reck lessness in heating houses, even when the weather is unusually cold, than to drill for action in case of a sudden ca lamity. The large number of destruc tive fires during the past few days has doubtless been in some measure duo to the cold weather. Overheated stoves placed too near thin and combustible wnlls, are the causes of ninny so-called "mysterious conflagrations." It is im possible to secure proper caution among the numerous inmates of crowded tene ment houses, or great blocks in which various shops and factories are situated. Tho "trial by fire" is one which may come to all with hardly a moment s warning, ond which demands coolness and jnstant action. The chances are in ut least ninety cases in one hundred in favor of the escape of those who are in a burning building, if they do not fran tically rush into, rather than away from, the danger. Wanted the Law. A farmer called at the house of a lawyer to consult him professionally. "Is 't squeer at home ?" lie inquired of the lawyer's wife. Ho was answered negatively. After a moment's hesita tion a thought relieved him. " Mebby yourself can gi' me information as well as t' squeer, ns ye're his wife." The kind lady promised to do so if she found it in her power, and the other proceeded as follows: " Spoaze ye were an old white meor, an' I should borry ye to gwang to mill with grist on yer bock, an' we should get no farder than Stair hill, when nil at once ye should back up, and rear up, nnd pitch up, and kneel down backward, and break yer darned old neck, who'd pay for ye ? Not I darn me if I would !" The lady smilingly told him, os she closed the door, that as he had himself settled the case, advice would be superfluous. Frozen in His Seat. The Denver AY-it', to show how cold it gets in Colorado, says: There was no more tlian the customary stir at Los Vegas, the other day, when the stage-coach, with four passengers inside and a corpse for a driver, came tearing iuto town. The driver, though frozen dead, was sitting bolt upright, with an awful grimness of face and a death-grip on the lines. " Why don't you hold up your head iu the world as I do?" asked a haughty lawyer of a sterling old farmer. "Squire, "replied the farmer, "see that field of grain. The well-filled heads hang down, while those only tliat Rre empty stand upright," MARRIED LIFE. Its Jars and Its Troubles A Hit of Advice from a Nuprcme Court Jurigr. In denying the preliminary application of n wife to enable her to bring a suit for divorce against her husband, Judge Donohue, of tho New York Supreme Court, gave some very sound ndvice to married peoplo who are troubled with "incompatibility of temperament." The case, whose abrupt termination af forded the occasion for these remarks, appears to have been a very frivolous one. 1 e " cruel and inhuman treatment " complained of by the wife seems to hnve mainly consisted of o?easiouul exhibi tions of boorishness on the part of tho husband. On one occasion ho was bored with her piano playing, nnd attempted to summarily stop tho annoyance by closing the lid of the instrument. His wife resisted, and got her fingers pinched. At another time he refused to budge from tho two chairs ho occupied before the window to enable her to re move some pet birds which were hang ing outside. A third specification re lated to the violent ringing of the door bell at night by the defendant. Acts like these were the head nnd front of the husband's offending, and yet they were deemed snfliciout to warrant a demand for alimony and an allowance for couusel fees, to enablo the wife to prosecute a suit for divorce from bed aud board. There seems to have been evidence enough in the case to secure n verdict from any female jury that the husnond had behaved like a " brute." But then, had his wife's temper nnd conduct no share in making him so ? It was very wrong to close the piano on his wife's fingers, but wa3 it quite right to insist on compelling a man to listen to music that he did not wunt ? Is it wise to make a man's homo so disagreeable that he must either seek quiet and repose out side of it, or resort to force to secure them inside ? As to tho pet-bird episode, it would be interesting to hear iu what kind of tone the wife asked her husband to sit on ono side ; and before condemn ing without reserve that moroso nnd surly person, it might be only fair to give him somo credit for a dim feeling of regret that the woman ho had courted in days gone by had love to spare for her canaries, but none for him. Again, whv should n wife's nerves be jarred by her husband's ring at the door-bell, even if were lato ot night There nro women who find more melody in that sound than is contained in all tho seven-octaves of their pianofortes, or all the artless trills of their pet canaries. Was it not partly her own fault that the plaintiff in this case found the midnight ring so dis agreeable to her nerves 1 We submit these points less with refer ence to the litigant Thompsons thnu to tho scores of married couples whose " difficulties " are fairly illustrated by the complaint in the case in question. The old-fashioned theory of mutual obli- J -w ni6l, A...t,U iH it k"uii ileal lost sight of in these days. Men are too apt to carry their business faces and their business thoughts homo with them, and so bring nothing but coldness, hardness, and reserve to the society of wife and children. On the other hand, women are not ready enough to make allowance for the wear and tear of our j commercial life upon the nerves ond temper of the man who has to bear the bmut of the struggle. It is to a very largo extent for their wives' nnd children's sakes that men aro tempted to overtax their energies, and to make themselves prematurely old, iu the endeavor to get rich or to maintain a certain social posi tion. There are many things that cloud a man's brow and sour his temper, about which ho cannot take his wife iuto his confidence. She would probably not understand them if he did, and tho at tempt to translate these troubles into definite speech is to many men a more acute pain thau to simply enduro them. Women may have noticed tho fact that the boiling kettle continues to bubble for a littlo after it has been lifted from the fire. In the same way tho active brain of tho hard-worked professional or business man will, in spite of himself, run on tho affairs of his office after he has come within the precincts of home. A wiso wifo will make allowance for the occasional gruffness whose source she cannot understand, and will moke it her businoss to smooth out the hard lines of the troubled face, and gently to allow the soothing influence of a pleasant home to work its gradual but certain cure. Of course, deeper than all faults of heedlessness or want of heart is the radical moral error of forgetting what the marriage covenant is. As Judge Donohuo reminded the sensitive Mrs. Thompson, people take in marriage " certain duties on themselves, and un dertake to bear the infirmities of hu manity wliich each possesses." Whether "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer," is expressly convenauted or not, the conditions are distinctly under stood, nnd married poeplo aro as ob viously bound to accommodate their tastes and tempers to each other ns they are to respect the inviolability of then neighbor's property. They have no right to subject their children, if they have any, to the demoralizing influences of a contentious home, or to the shame inseparable from a broken marriage bond. They have just as little right to weoken the tie which holds society to gether by treating the marriage vow as a thing terminable at the caprice or the vindictive impulse of either of the parties to it. There has been a great deal too much twaddle talked and published about the sentimental side of this ques tion. On tho stage, in the court of jus tice, in the church, even, we have had too many exposures of the morbid an atomy of the minds of vain or vicious people, who chafe under the ties of matrimony. It is about time that the simple and imperative duty of married en and women should be a little more insisted on, and as a contribution to what is in danger of becoming a rather scanty department of literature, we com mend Judge Donohue 's brief remarks to public attention. During a recent revolution at La Paz Bolivia, the troops all got drunk, and went through tho streets firing at ran, dom, right and left. Several young gentlemen were killed in their houses and a young lady was shot through the lungs. Every house closed its doors, and such a state of terror was never be fore seen in the city. Items of Interest. It U eaiier to live within an iuconv thau without on?. It is said that fewer Americans nro in Paris tins winter thau for many years past. "An infallible cure for consumption " That's what a French doctor says of the meal of oiir Indian corn. Advertising pays. A Dubuque, Iowa, man who advertises largely was thereby discovered by a wife whom ho deserted years ago. Tho only way some people can keep their names untarnished ii to make Bridget spend about half her timo scour ing the door plate. ' At tho Kancho de los Loureles in Texas, a wealthy stock raiser, at his an nual branding of calves, stamped his mark on 10,000 head. An Ohio stoneworker recently died, nnd his lungs were found to contnin numerous pebble-like concretions of particles of Bera stone. Mt. St. Elias, which, from actual measurement, is now stated to bo tho highest peak on the Americun continent, exceeds 10,000 feet iu height. A Western paper has discovered that "some change seems necessary in tho collection of taxes." Tho samo thing holds good in payment of them. Herr Driesbach, once so well known as a lion tamer, has sold his farm ot Wooster, Ohio, and has gone to hotel keeping at a Utile railroad station. The centennial of Ethan Allen's cap ture of Ticonderoga is to be celebrated by the citizens of northeastern New York and Vermont. The anniversary is May Being consonant with each other. John Pulnsksoboiskwinchhiski nml Julia Soloskiminniewinniehiski worn married at South Bend, Indiana, last week. Tobacco chewing has ono advantage, especially where the man is much in tho hsuse and spits freely upon the carpets those carpets will never be moth eaten. A Minnesota Dogberry has decided that stealing rails from a fenco is not stealing nt all; that n fence is a part of the reality, and reol estate cannot bo stolen. They have determined by experiments iu France that trees are killed with great rapidity by very small portions of com mon gas escaping from the pipes und af fecting tho soil. A huly recently sent a fur cap to n fur establishment for somo repairs. She ex plained her wishes iu the following note: " I won't mi kape mendid whar tho mises uored it in gud ship." More people have been frozon to death this whiter in tho United States than aro likely to be struck by lightning this year. Twenty deaths from cold aro ro- pUll&U HMu. , Mr. Mitchell, of Sterling, 111., while under the infiueueo of intoxicating liquors, attempted burglary and was fatally shot. Mrs. Mitchell, has since compelled each of tlu'ee saloon keepers, who sold hun the liquor to pay her ljfi500 damages. There is nothing like testing an appar atus to see if it works well. A New York boat builder constructed a man-trap for thieves out of a brace of pistols, and wliile fooling about it inserted two or three pounds of shots and slugs into his legs. He knows it's a good contrivance nov. Bailreod traveling in Massachusetts must bo regarded as wonderfully safe, if we are to rely on the published slatn ment that ottt of 42,000,000 passenger.'! carried over the railways of that Stats ut 1874 only one person was killed i.ud seven injured, except by personal care lessness. Under the terms of a bill introduced into the Wisconsin Senate the parties to bribery at elections or at political con ventions may suffer a penalty of five hundred dollars fine, one year's im prisonment and disfranchisement and disqualification for office for a period of ten years. The teuaut farmers of England are as sessed for income tax upon a basis of 00,000,000 per annum, and tho entire rental value of agricultural land is about 110,000,000. The capital represented by tho agricultural interest is over 800, 000,000, a sum exceeding the British nationid debt. A log of wood containing a scaled bot tle has just been picked up at Havre, France. It was one of several thrown overboard from the Prince Napoleon, in its Arctic expedition, to test the force of currents. The writing it contained was perfectly legible, although the log had been drifting since 18C0. Heavy damages are sometimes recov ed against railway companies in England. Not long since a seed merchant, nameel Maldeh, got a verdict against the Great Northern railway for $40,000 damages for injuries inflicted in a collison. A motion was made the other day for a new trialVra the ground that the damages were excessive, but the Court of Queen's Bench, sitting in banc, expressing the opinion that the company should paya large sum, it was agreed t give the plaintiff a check for $25,000. The Crops. The report of the Commissioner of Agriculture of the United States for January states that the aggregate crop of wheat is larger than ever before, exceed ing 300,000,000 bushels. Bye, ninety eight per cent, of last year's crop; products, 14,891,000 bushels. Oats product, 240,000,000 bushels, a decline of nearly 30,000,000 bushels. Potatoes, 106,000,000 bushels, about the same as 1"73. Hay product, 25,500,000 tons an increaso of 500,000 tons. Buckwheat, same as last year, 9,000,000 bushels. In comparison of prices of farm products for the last seven years, corn, is taken us an example, and production and prices thus stated: In 18G8, 906,000,000 bushels, valued at sixty-two cents per bushel; 1809, 874,000,000 bushels, seventy-five cents; 1870, 1,094,000,050 bushels, fifty-four cents; 1871, 991,008, 000 bushels, forty-eight cents; 1872, 1,092,000,000 bushels, thirty-nine cents; 1873, 932,000,000 bushels, forty-eight cents; 1874, 854,000 bushels, sixty-live cents.