Wit nab Ontitar. A GOOD TAKE-OFF We have never seen a better traveStie of the outrageous puffing advertisements of mere ivol•thless stories, tlia& the 'following from the Albany Evening Journal: A humorous correspondent sent us Q. traves ti of one of this sort of adve iseroents, which is so little exaggerated that at -bad a narrow escape from being put into our adver , tising columns as a genuinl article. • Will be published eartk 'next month, uni foim with the Lamplighter, the Hot Corn Girl, the Watchman, the Barber and the Pea Nat Pedlar, . , -. A new and extraordinary American mance, entitled •THE BAGGAGE sitaalleal • This wonderlul•work has been over eight months in prepo-ation t ina is the joint pro duction of six of the most distinguished au thors connected with the Su- day Owlet who, u n der tie assumed incognitos of "Bus," "Jlx," "Nux," "Chux," "Qui," and "Tux," have for years past delighted the literary world with their thrilling and soul-inspiring productions! It waithoright that the engagement , of such an array of talent could not fail to result in The most astounding Fiction ever issued from th; Press And the verdict of posterity will, show that; in this expectsti n, the publishers luise not been disappointed: • , . ONE THOL114141) DOLLAIO - DAY lie has-paid to the authors of the Bagga e Smasher, during their labors; •and each, in his proper department, has showered upon, it . the most brilliant corruscations of his genius. The plot has been elaborated by Dux—the characters haie been developed - by Jux—the conversations have been wrought out by Nux and Chuxind the scenery' been depicted by Qux ; , ,phile the jokes have 'been gleaned by Tux from the sayings of the • UPPER TEN THOUSANK . With ! those natural traits of brilliancy andre finement Tux is, by station and 'association; perfectly familiar! The plot of 'the Bag age Smasher, though novel in the extreme, is strictly founded on fact. The Ba gage Smasher, bursting open a trunk by too hastily dropping it , upon the deck, discovers a lathed !SS boy asleep inside. He adopts the child as his own, and is rewar ,ded for his generosity by being Promoted from one situation of trust to another, until he ar rives. at the dignity of being clerk of the steamboat. In addition to Whieb, the friend less boy is subsetpi y discovered to be a cast-off son. of the ' , VIE or WELt.INGTO%! The'wltole is severe and correct, ineu'en ting the virtue o!'„icvspapt rs, the liability of great men to err, the inefficiency of patent leather. straps upon baggage,lnd,the evils . of the prestut social system as regards the amt.- ridge state , As an instance of the varied Contents of the Baggage Smasher, we subj . ju'a synopsis of a certaitCpurtion, selected at random., (211APT1 , 4, IS "The , .downward passage—Tall at the Cap tain's liffice and settle.'„ The man. that woulthi t settle. , He, is put t shore. 'How ‘s ill 'I be avenged?"' ThOitting . instrument! The Jesuit ticketboyl The .gi;miet-hole in tie boileril The Bisggage Smasher heroiCally stops up the hole with his thulnb! Sensation! The bursted trunk! The discovers of the in. noceut child! `Where's my ma?' . Sympa 'thy of the luissengers. Fall of the Jesuit ticketboy. Hail 'Columbia!" Lr preparing the MSS. of '.the Baggage Smasher fur the press, over thirty 4ro.i.v of Ma . ? tiara & Noyes IViiting Ink have been ely for erasur e s and interlimotion.g _The work will be published on paper a quar ter if an inch thick, manufactured eipressly for the purpose, and will be sold at the low price of one dollar. • In order to preventblelay in the preparation and dissemination of Lthe copies, the . One Hundred and 7&sitieth Edition Till be Published First In Addition to which, special trains on the, Hudson River and Central Railroads will be fitted up with twelve of koe's lilaratnoth Presses, upon which the work will be struck off, while the cat's are going sixty miles , an boar, and the copies, as fast as printe 1, will be thrown out at all the stations on the route. 'Apply early! Orders received by I)uI:M, Jlitowx 8E1.1,01, New York City A NEW SORT . (.)F AII.S.—A tall, gawky looking potnitryman, during the height of the business season last fall, walked into one of 'file largest . Ary goods houses oti BrMidway, and, entirely disregarding the invitations of the numerous salesmen to inspect the jatest patterns, he strode into the counting•rooni, where the heads of the 'establishment were sitting in solemn conversation. After taking a cursory glance of the room, and surveyilg, attentivel) the faces of its occupants, he asked, with an unctuous Yankee 'nasal twang: "Say, yeoli—gotariy nails?" mirr nails 1" reFieated the most dig nified Doinbey of the firm r.",no, si r , what shOulil we do with ciai.Ei?" . "% al, I:aon no—thought maybe you :nought. Ilaint you got no eh?" . "No, sir," replied. lYornbey &gain, iivith au emphasis, moiioning to the door. p The individual in search of nailti took his time about it, and then left tiie countke-room. In turn, he asked every clerk the same ques tion, and received the information from all, that "nails" formed no part of the stock of the establishment. said he, going towards the dodr, "don't keep hails here,, nohow The principal salesman, whose dignity was hurt by the idea that any one should suppose that an establishment where he had a promi nent place should keep !mils, beaded the coun tryman off as he was proceeding towards the entrance, and asked him, abruptly, what he wanted. • "Waut!" said the equatuman, as cool as a cucumber, "I want to-know if you've got any nai;sl" "Nails! no, eir. Yoi have been told again and again that we got no nails—so you'd better go." Ain't got any nails, eb ? Well, then, just loOk a here, mister—if you ain't . gOt no nails, what ga awful fixyou'd be in i f you'd happen to hare the Kit.otteat, do you think my darter will get well?' "Well, if she don't get no wuss } , and does git sum better, she may poss'bly git over it. You see she's afflicted with a concatenation - of the, diagnosis of the metacarpitil .flutrimux, which extends from the noboscis ib the infe- . _ rior lobe of the !ulterior revolution of the oc ciput. Nothin' kin help her but eatemel and persimmons taken jintly both together--a *spoonfulf more °Hess, accordint to the symp toms, every other day, °gond on: Them will eventoolay put her out of pain into ikisweat, Lind restore a healthy action of the minor pe dals and reduce the encyclopedia of the neu ralgic diaphagrant, immediately under the left side of the right eye." iLor'• it mercy, rich a larnin') who'd a thank it?" _ , - • • ""S,►Yczt, when - did Columbus discover ..Itherieit?" ' ( When he Saw it." • • "How diUl• he see fir ' "With his eyels."• . • "Good) 4ew,'what•was he?" . . "A 111iintxter." • " • • . . • 44( 4 ) rig tup bead, - blevi your wipe the intenfryoui face, and when yon go ho me apiece of bread nno l lint ter; 4•,0, *qv. DELP SimonjL Snyder No- 283 North Second Street (west side), October 20,'55,: ; 9 • 42-1! BOYS: CLOTHINC. riHE SUIibtiRIBER. would 'respect I fully Inform their numerou% friends an d customers el Sc t liylkill County. that their assortment of Clutbieg re , Young wentlemen .iv much larger than ever. ant they are disposed to sell chtop. Persons living At a , ItAtan'cr have the privilege o' exchanging clothing purchased 31 tide store t it 4 they do not wait. < i ' ! , • P. A. Miff A BROTHER. ', i L 272 Chestnut St.. corner of Tenth: PhilvAft.., /April 22, 1555 16- 1 . OILS OILS f I OILS I: ! i 1, J. B. A. 1 8. ALLEN, 7 sad S South: Wharves, Philadelphia, DEALERS .IN OIL, hare just Ili eelved. direct from New Bedford , the following sup -011, which they offer for lialeat the inwelt mark?! rate,: Mater Sperm oil. 3,000ga1. I Winter Whale B. 12.:Afgal. do Elephant 011.9,600 do Sacked do do 7.000 do Also, 'in store,. Greasing Oil, Pele acid Drove Soap. Sperm and Adginantlne Candles. Feb. 23; , : -, i 'v (IQ BOXES CHEMICAL OLIVE e... N.! SOAP. rxtra quality; • ' 2.50 sec Chetuical Olive Soap. medium quality ; I , 300 , " Brown. Pale and, Family B,.ap: . . • ltri - (ienuine Castile Soap. nictt led; :s0 .. • " " white; ''2oo " .iitearine and Adamantine Candles; '-'OO ' ~ Tallow Candles; ' i • 100 casks Pal 5.41 ;• fur tale in lots to snit purcha sera, by M MULE k DIXON,' Maintirrion Merchants.. _Tn. 22 Routh Irharril, 3d darn, uhor'e Cke-sitnt street, Phaddetphia. ; Ja. 19,'56 3.6 m .:. • _ . _; CLOTHING PALACE—CARD. cLornihrror A SUPERIOR yEALITY, IT.. .. . THOMAS P. DILL & CO.'S • 1717 EA r CIIESNt 1' STREET • Gvlcoltisiza46— X"exicicsio. TO. .165, One, door- below sth, north 1:1 side, in the neer Iron building. Merchants who want to purchase a finer articre of real dy-znade clothing than has ever before been offered. and gentlemen wht, would please themselies in any 4armerd for their wardrobea, or in suits for thtlir sans, should g,I to this establishment, s‘ . . admlrahlc in keeping throu'hl nut. with the Great Street of Fashion. on which it is (ill rated. and purchase the best. which can alone satisfyi correct taste. Sults or single garrnentschtede to order al the shortest notice. A full assortment of tine Furnbihl ing Hoods also offered. Everything in the latest Fashion. and ticket.markedWith the lowest cash pricviiii plain figures. Philad'a, October :3. SAVING FUND of CUL • E U. S. , Xnsurance. Annuity and Trust Co., QOM% E. corn...,r Third and 011Ilt Pt reetr, Phlladelphla.—Capital $'4.50,000. Modej „la received on deposit daily. The amount depred•edi if _entered In a Deposit !kook and given to fhe ltep,sitor.i,i, if pieferred, a certificate will he given, ail sunta4large andittnall.are received, and the atnounit paid back oit demand, without notice. ! Intereat fa paid at the rare.of.fire per cent.. etunniiyn' ring from the day of deozylt. andl ceasing fourteen day previous to the withdrafil of the oney. II On the first day of January, ineach year, the in teratd of each deposit Ia paid to the depositor, or added to tin principal ris he may prefer. The company hap, now upwards of 3.400 depositors the city of Thiladel phinAlone. Any additional information will be givoia by addresalpg ! the Treasurer. 1111:=1:1 Stephen It. Crawford. Preet.:Mani M. Godwin . , Law. Johnson. Vice Pres't, 1 Paul 4. Goddard. Amhmse Thompson, I George McHenry; • enj. Sr. Tinley, j ,James Devereux. acob L. Florance,i •Gustavus English, ; Secrilary and Trenturer -, PLINY FISH. , Toner and f uterpreiler -.I,•C.ORHLSCHLAGER Spptomber g, 55 , 36.1 v - • . 1000 TONS NO.I SIIPKB.-PHOSPHATE OP L. • . : riEtBIJRO'S original and genuole,! i fararrinted orsuperini• quality. the cheapest manure; In the world. F3rmers and dmlrt, supplied at low price .: EXTRA QUA Lilii LAND PLASTER. i :,.niiil turrets Extra Quality Land Plaster. hassled fur its rertiliring quality. 10.00 U bushels of sanie In bulk. . I . , t 10.00 d barrels best quality Urdlnar) Land Plaster. eeinttii to the best usually sold, at the low price. of . ..I.lre . nts ticr I bushel, or $l.lO per barrel. with' a deductiou for Ilettge: 100..•, . . I . ; r :2.i.0110 bushels of saws...in hulk. • ' • k • li I : 1 . 1.000 barrelsCaletned Plaster. , i' 1 ; . I,onit .. Casting • .. l''' allil .040 0. Dentigt " llydryulir Cement El= " True ILORIMI 1 This article we offer In euntki..nre to mar rustomera. as equal to any imported. mull far aupe tiur to most in the market. 11),(0)4) haze af. this superior t;uano. f(tr sale, al ilie! Imeest market rates. Also POUDRETTE. 311 . :X10.4.N: GRO17, 1 0) CITA ItertaL, kr., 1 ' IRENi_;II, RICILARns A 0.1 It the Steam Plaster 1111s,,junetiop York Menne 4101 Callovrtall street, 11hilmietphla.,.?.., .1 31arrh I , ',M. • 9-3 m 5. , I M. W. BALDWIN & . Engineers, iir”./.mitheir correctues's. „? • / It is to be hOpeil that the agricyliural . tat . . f =may will soon be enlighteiie:l upon . : a and topic of similarini.portaue i e thrin,gi. 1 - : 1 :, labors of individuals mh - vis o inAss both , •- .,1 1. 1 '',',* : and nleans, and Nylinse attainfuents, as c. t udir # smi l habits of observatonroinle.r thew eOnlit: ~ el[: . ., t' investigate thoroughly ii:l ( latever they •-.P l ' • • undertake.—(or. e% Germa itooril 7',' • }tow• To usE FitozEs APPLES.—II cently seen a quantity of frozen ail wined into -apple butter; as they ea the thought ocrup'ed 0 ) me that t might by novel an - il practicable to )n some of your realjers, ttiid therefr to give the niatinur,44 . timking, whi see fit, please give to your nutiteroit, . readers. ' - lotivr,e . , _ Into a large brass kettle t ten :•al!.e. 1;.,. eight pounds of sugar and .half a pail. ,•.' v osti ;! . :. teri Hang it over a slow fire till the ~!:::. 3 - 0 .•," falls d issolved, when apples at red an d , L 44,7" c tered may be put in gradually nd stirred , l i h t: 4 '' a ~ stantly until it is done. Add front tlln , : i ll 7 1 , .. time until about tt ii bushels and - a 1111:! Mt / 4 4: - ..1 apples have been used. ' The mu, roust ci,, t,1,711 1 ; - ,:: method for stirring so large a glottal: , i. M lk k ,',` take a icing ..tick, and tasteuj at right ~,,.:4 1, ' ~ another, us long as the.kettli.; k d e ep :,:: - - end tit the stick. ``This setjves a, a l'i,r . . - -;:r .1,,' and the holder can sit id a dl.t.iistano tr,ia '. )4 '.' tire and pertorm the tair iT i I COHlpara:: p4, , ,,i ease. When sntileienily co4isol, .".try litomku. will disappear, and the am st,pr.,:,kr ,at ,l i ii! 1 and of a reddish 'color. It poplin-, ~. -= hours' houra' cooking. If requiril to Veer .I . re , i- r .__ a little more sugar,miist bepolded, airl , l whole boiled longer. As a test to krimv 47,1' t r done, take a spoonful and drop it into a'f4ti !ft. cer; if not a drop of joie; runs from it s '• it. the saucer, it is cooked enough to furuid:• • l2 ~ 7 : nn excellent and healthy sauce tl.e year r , vltostit"` It is a fine way to preserve frozen apf4s , ' Is itr.ii, ,those iable to decay. :•Peaches cat;;be r-Ltt in the same manners ! Yours, etc.,!--'.(..0 , -, t , l = Life' I ll ustraied. _..• ; • . - fu i 1.•!"- un the uloxt the efanner. Mail licripes. 11 M El 1~ 01; M I tit, , 1 olitilli 0 IBM MI RIM trtt t it i t• Eli BM Itt 1 11111 n, I Van eu, 011; der S.Vh Tyi. 7h*Sil.‘ thopuh 1• 111 3rd9rare. inod"..