-lr Janata .frntinrl. ;irvBUSHKl IN IMC. 1 he (id J Fellow' HalL i MfFLtSTOWX. PA. Via. $1"'0,,"r' in ti0 in BU cases if not paid 'N"P'fliiii!IUrrerpef are paid, unless gnsinrss Carta fST E. ATKINSON. t torn oy Jit J NII-FLISTOWX. PA. J-iSlAV, rCoii'tio "J Conveyancing promptly (lS:. M Bri l.e '"'. rP8!' ,a Court jiobHtIicMeex. AT LAW,m MIFFLINTOWN, PA. 0Smo BriJfte street, in the room .'-raerlj pti kj Era D. Psrl cr. Esq. LOUDEN. MlrTLIXTOWN, PA.. iffrtkie services to tk cit'uens of Juni .......ii.it a Auctioneer aud YetiJue Oier. rLnM. from I wo '. is dollars. Satisfac- ti0i vtrrsntea. nuv3. Q YES! O YES! H. H. SNYDER, Perrysville, Pa., Wr" kis services t the ciliiens of Juni itol lj iu;iig cjuu-ics. as Auctioneer. tirf. n.-tTir For saiisftctiou g've tin l(rW" ciioure P. O. address. Port Fell 7, 72-ly MI. 1'. C. RU.NDIO, pattkusox. ii:xxa. THOMAS A. EUER, M- 1)., 1'liMciuH and Surgeon, MlrH.IXTO'AN, r.. CE- Lur A M to S P. M. Oco iu li,:.m ' b'liidiag. ivn doors :bove the Srn ctt'cr. Hri'lire street, atig 18-tf j u G.vuvi:i!, EsiMs nysiciaa an! SorEeon, !! Inoaieii io ikf t.otoiiiih of Tboi.ipooii- towa. 1er tit rofrp'ot i evTiiei to tb . .;ncni o' chat place and TicioilT. 1 i,ik iu the iouiu recently occupied v t ir. Sr. JJnae li J-if 9. s.ssars.sa.B.. HMLfriPATUIC PHYSICIAN t SURGEON KMinn permanently Iftemed in Ike birougl. I f MiClmioirii. ofler- i rufr.iionl oerTicfs lo .lit cinietjj tf ibis plee aud aurrounding euuTiirv tiioe on Main street, over Uci iier'n Irii" i Fure. n.ijt IS lr.y-tf Dr. R. A. Simpson Treat" all for:n of ilieee. and muy be cn I tilled i fylloic.H: X li i M uflire in LiTcrpool 1.. ct-rv S 1 I HIMV and MttXIiAT p jMin'mento esti be r. adc for otLerdaja. ftrt'nll uti or addl s iP.. .1. . PIMPPOS. ire' Livi-rpool, Perry Co.. Pa. c USTKVI. MAIM AtiKNt V, .1 A M P. S M. S K J. I. K R ? . HI Ml U Til SIXTH STKEET, j Pnti.MK I.I'MI 4. I a Tlatintics. I'tnsioun, Uark Pay, Horse! Clim. St-jtet'laims, sc.. prompt ly collected. No cbee for information, nor when money ia uot eollrcted oetiT-rf attentionT DKl WATTS most respectfully announ- cm t the public that he is prepared to fur,,i,h SCHOOL BOOKS AND STATIONERY at uduc-d prices. llrre.Oer K:ve Lim a call .:hi!.:.ST4VI I4lSt.. M'FFLIX. n,.t : -tf IX PERRYSVILLE. 1) U.J.J. APPLKIlAl'ti II lias established a Drujr and Prescription Store in the j a'loce-aanied place, and keeps a eeut rsl as ortnunt of 'IIL'GS AS It V Fill CIS FS, Ant all other articles usuaily kept io estab iMktuetits of this kind. Pure 'Vine? anu Liquors for medicinal pur p t'ljrr-. Tu.'acco, Stationery. Confec tion ;tir-cl). Xutioiis, tic., etc. tairl'he Itoctor piica advice free l !t Ci gT its 7nto w x Xi AT IIollobans:li'is Nnloon, To for i ceuis. Also, the Fre-hesi Lager, tke Lirp.'bt Oysters, the Sweetest Cider, the f nri DmncMic Wines, and, in snort, any tiiiotjyuu may wish in the F.ATING OR UBISKIXG LIXE. at the most reasonable prices. He has alio reStted kid BILLIARD HALL, o that it will now compare favorkbly wilb iny I! ill in the interior of the State. Juue 1, 1870-ly WALL PAPER Bally to the Place where you can bny your Wall Paper Cheap. rPlIK undersigned takes this method of in 1 tormirg the public tbst he has just re eeivsd i ,:s residence on Third Street, Mif Dintown, a large asortment of of various styles, which he offers for sale CIIF.APF.lt than can be purchased elsewhere in the county. AH persons in need of the above article, and wishing .o save money, are invuea to call and examine Lis stock and hear his prices betore g',ing elsewhere. SL Large supply constantly on hand. SIMON BASOM. Rl-OOMeBURG STATK NORMAL JJ SCHOOL AX I) Literary and Commercial Institute. The Faculty of this lustitutirn aim to be ery thorough ia their instruction, and tc ook carefully after the manners, health ana m or sis of the students. Rj? Apply for catalogues to HENRY CARVER. A. M.. Sept 28, 1871-Sm Principal. A Large assortment of Queensware, China ware. Glassware, Crockery ware. Cedar 4re, tc., for sale cheap by T1LTEX t K8PENSCH ABE'S. VOLUME XXVI.' Nth it " D. P. PAISTE, . , SUCCESSOR TO JOHN S. OKAYBILL & CO., CRYSTAL PALACE BUILDING. I Ilavinp purcliast-i the entire matnnioili utock and fixture of Jubn 8. ' Graybill k Co., I w.ulj reject full v iufo-m th jmblic that 1 Lare on Land at all time a FULL ASSORTMENT OF Hard ware, Paints, Oils, Varnishes, Leather, And all Kinds of Goods kept in a First-Class Hardware Store. liny Cutters, Cider Mills. Meat Cullers and Sniffers for Sale. Having 1ih1 a full (xpVrieiice in y tre in citjr or ommtry. I .Merchants rr eitpeciallv invited to H at the am timn Imy at l'luUdcl.lia priced All persons are iuvited to H : inrni-ct die et'ick tlirousliotit lite house. COMK Sent. 18. IT2-'j JUMATA VALLEY BANK M I FFLI X Tl) VX, PEXX' A . JOKl'I! rOMKKOY, PreiUeat. T. VAX lltVIX. Catihief. HIEtCToei. Jnfepli Potnerny. Jobn J. Patterson, Jerome N. Tuoiupsnn. George Jacobs, John Hulsbncu. Loan money, receive po-it pay interest t on lime deposit, tuy iml ffeZl com ami Uni- led Stales llonds, e.nsb coupon and checks, Itemi: mone? to any part of the United Stale? "d aUo to England, Scotland. Ireland and n oit li ... ........ in futm of $i'M at 2 per cent, discount. Iu Minis of $'0fl at - per cent, discount. In aums of $HHMI ai 8 per cent, dincount. HCW DRUG STORE. BANKS & HAMLIN, Main Strtcf. JtjJliutotcii, J'a. UKALKitS IS DRICS iU BEDIC ICS, Chemicals, ljre Stuft". Oils, Painta. Varnishes, Glass", Putty. Coal Oil, Lamps, Uuruur. Cuimneys Brushes, Infants ltrii.-'lie", Sosps, Hair ltruLea, Tooth ihui-lies, rcrfumvrjr, Combs. Hair Oil, Tobacco. Cigars, .Notion;., and Stationary. L.MKJK V AIM KIT OF n i m l T rn li I' II I I' I V 17 S! j 1 A 1 li il 1 M C V i j l L U O, j eectcj groat care, and warranted from j high authority. j'-'-1- Jrl'l! F.SCRI PTIOXS compounded with Ur' cr'- malb y zg& GREAT REDUCTION IS THfc IIIi:S OP TEETH! I Full Upper or Lower Sets as Low as $5.00. v, teeth allowed to leave the office unless patient ia saiirfied. Tee th lemoUelea anil repairea. Te-ib filled to last for life. Toothache stopped in five minutes without extracting ine tooth. Dental work done for persons wiuiom iu leaving their homes, if desired. Electricity used. in:pe exitaciion 01 irem, rendeiing it almost a painless operation, (no extra charge) at the Dental Office of G. L. Derr. established in MiSliniown in 18110. G. L. DKRR, Jen 24. I872-ly Practical Demist. C. KOTIIHOCK, V EX TIST, lcVliioi-vilIc, l'euiaa., OFFERS bi professsonal services to the public in general, in both branches of his profession operative and mechanical. First week -f every month at Richfield, Fre mont and Turkey Valley. Second week Liverpool and Wild Cat Val- Third week Millerstown and Raccoon Vo'ifrth week at his office in VI'Alisterville. Will visit Mifflin when called on. Teeth put up on any of the bases, and as liberal as anywhere else. Address by letter or otherwise. The Place for Good Grape-vines IS AT THE Juniata Ualltn ITiPtprbs, AND GRAPE-YIXE SCBSEBT. IMIE undersigned would respectfully in form the publie that ha has started a Grape-vine Xursery about one mile northeast r Miniiuinwn. where he has been testing a large number of the different varieties of Grapes ; and having been ia the business tor seven years, be is now prepare- ....- VIXES OF ALL THE LEADING VARIETIES, AND OF THE MOST PROMISING KINDS, AT LOW HATES, k- !.. .;nU vine, doxen. hundrel or thou- ..-J All nereons wishing food and thriftv vines will do well to call and see for them selves. , fgr Good and responsible Agents wan.ed Address, J0NAg OBErtHOLTZER. ' Jdifflintown, Juniata Co., Pa. MIFFLINTOWN. a H H the Wholesale and Manufxctuiing lniv, as they can ave freielit, and MANY! COMEALIi!' I). V. PAISTE. Crystal Palace. Crystal Palace. a & sta,0V The First, The Best, The Cheapest, The Largest Stock of Goods IX THE COUNTY, To Offer to the Public AT THE v::i:v lounvr pkiccs. Just lleceivetl from Eastern Markets. Speirij Them will (iiiarawtec You Satisfaction. SUELLEV & STAMBAUGH. NEW CRYSTAL PEACE BUILDING, MIFFLI5T0WH, PA. Oct. 8, 1872. New Store and New Goods. GROCERIES, PROVISIONS, &C. Hain Street, ICfflintown. ' TAVIXG opened out a GROCERY AND LL PROVISION' STORE in the old stand on Main Street, Mifflintown, I would respect fully ask the attention of the public to the following articles, which I will keep on band at all I i lues : SUGAR, COFFEE, TEA, MOLASSES, RICE, FJSII, SALT," DRIED AND CANNED FRUIT. HAM, SHOULDER, DRIED BEEF, Confectioneries, Nuts, &c, Tobncco, Oijfivi-w, GLASSWARE, Flour, Fee!, Scc. All of which will be sold cheap for Cash or Country Produce. Give me a call and hear my price. J. W. EIRE. Mifflintown, May 2. 1872. New Lumber Yard. rattersou, Fa. BEYER, GUYER & CO. Have opened a Lumber Yard in the bor ough of Patterson, and are prepared to fur nish all kinds of Lumber, such as Siding, Flooring, Studding, " Paling, Shingles, Lath, Sash, &c., ia large or small quantities, to suit cus tomers. tm Persons wanting Lumber by the car load can be supplied at reduced rates. BEYER, GUYER t CO. George Goshen, Agent. Pattarson, May 15 '72-tf l I1ELLY a. STAMB.iUGH always keep up O their stock of GROCERIES and wiil not be excelled either in the quality or price of their coo ls in this line. Giv them a call before going alaawbere. :i - --rt . - I yh .-.,, ,. $ i : : :. T.TBB "COBWTITPTIoa VMS OBIOS A) S)B M00T Of JUxMATA COUHTTPEXrA.'NOVEMBEB 20, l?72. IF1 WJB'jwSKIBW. If we knew the woe and heart ache Waiting for us down the road, I onr lips could taste the wormwood. If our back could feel the load. Would we waste the day in wishing For the time that ne'er can be ? Would we wait in such impatience For oar shias to come from sea ? Let ns gather up the sunbeams Lying all along our path ; Let us keep tha wheat and roses. Casting out tii thorns and chaff. Let us find our sweetest comfort In the blessings of to-day ; With the patient band removing ' A'l the briers from our way. Select Story. Published by request. The Master Thief! . ' COKCU'DKD. So tlie Monday after came lite Master Thief like un angel again, and the Priest fell ou his knees and thanked hm before be was put into the sack j but when he had got him well in, the Mas ter Thief drew and dragged him over atocka anw-tanesv - " ' "Oow ow ' groaned the Priest in side the sack, "where are we going t" "1 hiit in the narrow way which lradeth unto the kingdom of heaven," eaid the Master Thief, who went on drugging him along till he had nearly brnkeu every bne in his boy. At last he tumbled him into a goose' house that belonged to the Squire, aud the geese began pecking and pinching Li u with their bills, so that he was more dead than alive. "Now you are in the flames of purga tory, to be cleansed and purified for life evei lasting," said the Master Thief ; and with that he went his way, and look all the gold aud silver and all I lie fine things which the Piiet had laid together iu his dining room. The next morning when the goose girl came to let the geeee' out, she heard how the Priest lay in the sack ai d bemoaned himself in the goose house. In heaven's name, who's there, and what ail you ?" she cried. -'Oh ! said the Priest, "if you are an angel from heaven, do let me nut, and let me return again to earth, lor it n -wirr l.er tiian in hell The little fiends keep piucbing me with tongs " v "God help us, I am not ah angel at all," said the gitl as she helped the Priest ont of the sack : "I only look after the Squire's geese, and like enough they are the litd fiends that have been pinching your reverence. "Oh !" groaned the Priest, "this is all that Master Thief 8 doings. Ah ! my gold aud silver, and my fine clothes.'' Aud he crossed his breast, aud hobbled home at such a rate that the girl thought he had lost his wits all at once. Now, when the Squire came to hear how it had gone with the Priest, and how be had been along ihe narrow way, and into purgatory, he laughed till he well nigh split his sides. Hut when the Mas ter Thief came and asked for his daugh ter, as he had promised, the Squire pnt him off agaiu, and said : Yon must do one master-piece better still, that I may see plainly what you are fit for. Now I have twelve horses in my stable, and on them I will put twelve grooms, oue on each. If you are so good a thief as to steal the horses from under them. I'll see what 1 can do tor you." "Very well, 1 dare say I can do it," said the Master Thief ; but shall I really have your daughter if I cau V "Yes, if you can, I'll do my best for you," said ihe Squire. So the Master Thief set off to a shop. and bought brandy enough to fill two pocket flasks, and into one of them hi put a sleepy dtiuk, bat into the other only brandy. Alter that he hired eleven meu to lay in wait that night, belnud tbe Squire's stable yard ; aud last of all, for fair words and a good bit of money, he borrowed a ragged gown and cloak from an old woman i and so, with a staff iu his hand and a buudle on his hack, be limped off. as evenjng drew on, towards the Squire's stable. Just as he got there they were watering the horses for the night, and had their hands full of work. What the deuce do you want?" said one of tbe grooms to the old woman. "Oh. oh ! it is so bitter cold,'' said she, and shivered, and shook, and made wry faces. "Hutetu! it is so cold, a poor wretch may easily freeze to death ;'" and with that she fell to shivering and shaking aeain. "Oh ! for the love of heaven, can I get leave to stay here awhile, and sit inside the stable door !" "To the deuce with your leave,'" eaid one. " Pack yourself off this minute, for if the Squire seta his eyes on yon he'll lead ns to a pretty dance " "Oh ! the poor old bag of bones," said another, who seemed to take pity on her. "the old hag may sit inside and welcome such a one as she can do no barm." And tbe rest said, some she should stay and some she shouldn't ; but while they I were quarrelling and minding the horses. TBI lAW.j she crept further and further into the stable, till at last she sat herself behind tbe door ; and when h i had got so far, no one gave any more heed to her. - A s the night wore on tbe men found it rather cold work to sit so still and quiet on horseback. "Huteti 1 it is so very cold," said oue, and beat his arms crosswise. "That it is," said another, "5 freeze so that my teeth chatter." "If we only bsfca quid to chew,' said a third. . Well there was one who had an onnce or two ; so tbey shared, it between them, though it wasn't mnch after all that each got ; so tbey chewed and spat, and spat and chewed. This helped them some what ; hut iu a little while they were just as bad as ever. "llutetu 1" said one. and shivered and shook. ' Hutetu !" said the old woman, and shivered so that every tooth in her head chattered , Then she palled out the flask with brandy iu it. and her hand shiHik so that the spirit sphished abut in tbe fl isk. and then she took such a gulph, that it went "bop" in her throat.' "What is that you have got in your flask old girl ? ' said one of the grooms, '""0hTr it's only a drop of brandy, old man." said she. 'Brandy ! Well, I never ! Do let j me have a drop,' screamed the whole! twelve, one after another j !Oh 1 but it is such a little drop." J mumbled the old woman, "it will not ; .v,.n mtut ..,i,e m.inltid rnnl Hfir , llr I j u i .i 'ti-r .i -i r . e must and would have it: there was iiojlhtef. ' I only wtrb 1 was as suie ut help for it; aud so she pulled out the i flask with the sleepiug driuk in it, aud So when night began to fall, the Mas put it to the first man's lips ; theu she ter '1 hief went out aud cut down a thief shook no more, but guided the flask so 1 w bo bung ou the gallows, and threw him that each of them got what he wanted, j across his shoulders aud cairied him off. aud the twelfth had not done driuking j Then he got a long ladder and set it up before the first sat aud suored 1 heu the against the Squire's bed room window, Ataster Thiet threw off his beggar's rugs, j aud fo climbed up and kept tbe dead aud took one groom after the o.hi-r so man up and down, just for all the world softly off tht ir horses, and sat them like one who was peeping in at the win astride on the beams between tbe stalls ; .' dow and so I c called his eleven men, and rode j "That's the Master Thief, old lass !" off with the Squire (weive horses ! said the Squire, and gave his wife a But when the Squire got up iu the ! moruiiig and went tul ok after his g-uoms, j .!... i..i k.. ..... ... ... . : . , , I some of thim fell to spurring ihe beams with their spurs, till the splinters flew, autt Mime fell utt, and some still buns; on and eat there looking like fools. 'Ho! ho !" said the Squire ; "I see very well who has been here ; but as for you, a pretty set of blockheads you must be to sit here and let the Master Thief steal the horses from betwt-en your legs." j . So they all got a good leathering be- j muse tlirv had not keut a sharner look- : j t- t out. Further on iu the day came the Mas- ter Thief niraiii. and tofil how lift bad! i.i .. j l j r .l managed the matter, and a-ked for the I Squire's daughter, as he bad promised : j but the Squire gave him one hundred dollars down and said he must do some- thing better still "Do you think now." said lie, "yon can steal the horse from under me while 1 am out riding on his back V "U, yes, I dare say I coulil, said tbe Master Thief, if I were really sure of getting your daughter. . - "Well, well, the Squire would see what he could do ; and he told the Mas ter Thief a day wlieu hn would be taking a ride on a great common where they drilled the troops. So the Master Thief soou got hold of an old woru out jatie of a mare, and set to work and made traces and collar of withes and bioom twigs, and bought an old bcggaily cart aud a great cask. After he had said to an old beggar woman that be would give her ten dollars if she would get iuto the cask, aud keep her mouth agape over the tap hole, iuto which he was going to stick bis finger. No barm should happen to tier ; she should only be driven about a It tile; aud if too bis finger out more than once she was to have ten dollars more. 'J hen be threw a few rags aud tatters over himself, and stuffed hitnsell out and put on a wig aud a great beard of goat's hair, so that no one could know hiia agaiu, and set off for tbe common, where the Squire had already been riding about a good while. Wheu he reached the place, be went along so softly and slowly that he scarce made an iucb of way. Gee up ! gee up ! aud so he went on a little ; then he stood stock st.ll, aud so on a little agaiu ; and altogether the pace was so miserable that it never came into the require s bead that this could he the Master Thief At last the Squire .lode right np to him aud asked if he bad seen any one luiking about in the wood thereabouts. "No," said the mau, ' 1 haven t seen a soul " "Ilarkye, now." said (he Squire, " if you have a mind to ride into the wood, and hunt about and see if you can fall upon any one lui king about there, you shall have the loan of my horse and a ' shilling iuto the hargaiu, to driuk my! ',.1 : nea.tn ,or your p-u. . "1 don t see how I can go," Said the , i l man, fm I am going to a wedding with this cask of mead, which I have been to town to fetch, and here the tap has fallen EDITOB ASD PROPRIETOR. WHOU NUMBER 131. out by tbe way, and so I must go along, holding my finger iu the tap hole." "Ride off," said the Squire ; "IU look after your horse and cask." Well on these terms the rain was will ing to go ; but he begged tfte Squire to be quick in putting bis finger iuto the Up bole when he took hi own . out. and to mind aud keep it there ti!t he came back. Yes. the Squire would do the best he could ; aud so the Master Thief mounted the horse and ro le off. And time went by, and hour after parsed, aud still no oue came back. At last the Squire grew weary of standing there with his finger in the tap hole, so he took it ont. "Now I shall have ten dol'ars more 1" the old woman inside the cask ; d.i o . , .i then tlie Squire saw at once how the land lay, and took himself off home ; but he had not sfriue faY before they met him with a fresh horse, for the Master j Thief had already been to his houee aud ; told them to send one. Th day after he came to the Squire j and would have hU daughter as he had given his word ; but the Squire put him jnff agaiu with fine words and gave bim two hundred dollars, and said be must onejnore masterpiece If .he could do ; that, he should have her. Well, well. the Master Thief he could do it, if he j luly kuew what it was to' be "Do you think, now," raid the Squire, "yon can steal the sheet off our bed aud the shift off my wife's hack ? L)o you think you cau do that '!" "I, ubull h ilnnn ' fiflirl tlm Master getting jour daughter.' nudge on the side, "Now see if 1 don't shoot him, that's ..li ..vivid j' i l- e ! "No! Xo! Pray dou t shoot htm af- j ter lelling bim he might come and try," : 4id hi wife. "Don't talk to me, for shoot I will." j said he ; and he lay there aud aimed and aimed ; but as soon as the bead came up above the window, and he saw a little of it, so soon was it down again At last he thought he had a good aim ; "bang" went the gun, down fell the dead bodv to the ground with a heavv biimn. , o r. and down went the Master Thkf too as fist as he could. ,, j "Well." said ihe Sniiire. it is nnitp ! .l.i .i i . . ' true that lam the chief magistrate of, I these p.irls ; but people are fond of talk- j ii'g. and it would be a bore if they came j to see this dead man's body 1 tLiuk j the best thing to be d nie is that I should ! gf down and bury him." "You roust do as you think best, dear,'- j said bis wife. So the Sqtrre got out of bed and went down Btatrs, and be had ! t-enrec pnt his foot out of the door before the Master Thief Ftole in, and went straight up stairs to his wife. "Why, dear, hack already said she, for she thought it was her li unbind. ''Oh yes, 1 only just put him into a hole, and threw a littlo oort! ov bim It is enough that he is out of sight, for it is such a bad night out of doors ; by and by I'll do it better. But just let me have the sheet to wipe tdyeelf with ! he was so bloody and I have made my self in such a mess with hiuj." So he got the sheet. After a while be said "Do you know I am afraid you must lot me have your night shift too, for tbe sheet won't do by itself that 1 can see." So she gave him the shift also. But just then it came across bis mind that he had forgotten to lock the houe door, so he must step dowu and look to that be fore he came back to bed, and away he went with both shift and sheet. A little while after came tbe right Squire. " hy. what a time you've taken to lock the door t ' said his wife ; and what have you done with the sheet and shift?" "What do you say ? ' said tbe Squire. 'Why, I'm asking you what you have done with the sheet and shift that you had to wipe off tbe blood T" said she "What, in tbe devil's namel" said the Squire, "has he takes me in this time too ?" Nest day came the Master Thief and asked for the Squire's daughter, as he had promised ; and then the Squire dare not do anything else than give her to him. and a good lump of money into the bargain ; for to tell the truth, he was afiaid lest the Master thief should steal the eyes out of his head, and that the people would begin to say spiteful things of him if be broke his word. So the , - e,:..j ,1 J l :l I , ,.a-ter xnie, ..veu we.. a unyV,t, frm that time' forward. I don t know! . . . x. . -e t. whether he stole any more, but if be did. I am quite S'ne it was only for tbe 1 take of a bit of fun. JtATES OF ADVERTISING. , ' All drtrt islng for less diaa threw month" for one seare of sine Un or less, will be charged one insertiab. 75 eents; tbrea $1.50, and & eents tor each etrbkrquent itfWftnit: Administrator's, Executor's-ad Ailditor Notices, $"2.00. Professional add Business Card.-not exceeding on square, add inclu ding copy of paper, $8,00 peryear. Norieev in reading column, ten cent per line. Met1 chamradrertittng by the year at special rates 3 voaxAt- 6 mowta. 1 year, Onesquar-e $"8.0- $6.00 S 8.00 Two square 5.00 8.00 11.00 Three squares.... 6.00 10.00 15,00 One-fourth eol'n. 10.00 17.00 25.00 Half eoluma 18.00 ' 25. 0 46.00 Owe eolumn-.....v 30.fi9 45.00 80.00 1 ' Can Such Things Be? On a retired but pleasant avenue of this city, says the Pittsburg Ditpatch, a newly - married coo pie settled dowa to I onse keeping a short' time ago; who. for obvious reasons, shall be called Brown, one of tha reasons being be cause that isn't their name. Mr Brown' is a very pretty wo main and Mr. Brown a very jolly, good kind of a- fellow, and1 there appeared to be no reason wuy the lives of this iutesesting, cou(le should uot be one long summer day of liappv ness. But oue day there a little dark dark elKid' iu their wedded sky, which grew and grew till it culminated in quite a shower, as will be seen hereafter. The i .: i.. ,i . li r :i 3 . j . . 1 : ui aaiutr wa a uiie piH'ciiueu ui ucicriiuii I . ' beauty, who' may be designated as Jane, for the same reason that her employers are called Brown. Jarter had a lover, who is the bigg'-st and blackest of his race. His name miy he Thomas, he drives a coal cart, and he had a habit of calling on his lady hive in the kitchen by slipping through tho area gate, which' occasions were no doubt' highly enjoyed by the parties concerned. Now lillie Mrs. Brown had somehow got it into her head that her liege lord was altogether to partial ro the tropical beauty of tbe olive cheeked aud starry eyed queen of the kitchen, aud she made herself corres pondingly miserable about it For a long time she nursed h r secret misery in silence, while the' world, inclu ding her husband and Jane, went on in the even tenor of their way. and tlie skr . . . . .1:1.. rrS... .l . J: j uiuu IMI? i'r miy uiuri cAiiaiiiuiuaij phenomenon come to pass. At last Mr. I B determined to put an end to to her sttspt-nse by confirming her worst suspi cions, then to go aud sleep beneath tho clods &c and she arranged it in this; Eler husband was accustomed to return to the conjugal nest at twilight io the evenings, and slur was sure that he would seek the partner of his guilt in the kitchen at that lime ; eo she laid a little plaiu to detect him iu hi incon stancy, wither him wilaV her righteous wrath, and then have him forever. With this determination, near the above mentioned time she descended to the lower regions, sent the supposed wicker! 6 ' 3 , syren out on some domestic errand, and took up a waiting position with ber head 'screened by a window cuttin, so that the Jiil e one should not recognize hef until too lite for excuse She had not long to vi'-vij. Very soon she heard the well knu'.vu footstep stealthily but hurri edly co uiug up the alley, then the latch raised aud the iutiudor entered. She heard him across the room. he felt his ar,n ,ou,,u ",,u ""P'"8 j 1 .1 waist; sue held her breaui, tor the cul mination of her worst fears, the proof of her strongest suspicions were within her 6 1 fifrasty Tue arm drew her yieMing anJ dm0Bi fa;nling form to ,he manly, palpataling boaom 0f itli owner, aud the- lips of the OMneT of t,,e arm ilrprjutcd a resounding kiss upou her own. Then for the first UlDe B,ie fwced j,er embracer, and beheld uerno, ll0t her husband, hut shades of all ,.,e alm,da,ents! the staring eyes perplexed and astonished countenance of of that sooty son of II. un. Tons, the coal cart driver Sud lover of the suspected filcher of Mr W conjugal treasure The scene that ensued muy l'6 imigined, but cannot be described. There was a series of screams aud a rapid disappearance of No. 13 brogans ihrottgn the door. The confusion biouglil Brown down from the parlor, where he had impatiently waited ,or be a,,,,e:1Mtlce 0f his little wife. in- stead of philandering with the maid. There was a shower of tears and a con fession, and a discharge of the handsome octoroon, and a thorough understanding that the affair waw never to be meution aud that they arc to live happy in the. future. At the close of the Revolution, (Jeorgn HI. desired his Chaplain toietnrn thanks to God. The Chaplain replied, " Sir, do yon wish me to thank God that you have lost so many troops ?" "No !" "Do you want me to thank God be cause you have lost so many millions sterl ngs ?" "No." "Do you want me to thank God he cause you have lost thirteen of your best colonies " "No." "Then what do you want to thank God for !" "I want to thank God became it u not Kort !" " Whbre are yon going" cried a Scotch gentleman to a thief whom he observed crawling through a bole in tbe hedge into his garden. Bock again ! ' replied Sawney, as he hastily retreated from his discovered access to the tempt ing fruit- Prayer Is a key that unlocks the bless- c . Igersoi me nign.i ; -..- I fan Francisco has oue widow to every 300 inhabitant. fha