6trritsol, Vubtister.
CUCIIMGYRATION.S.
BT DAN. BO'OI4BRANO.
VOL°I
PHILAMPIIIA,-41:10 1 lib, .1858:
DEDICATION.
know all men by these presents Mit
uON. 31.0NTROSE'DEMOCUAT
Is the favored personage. to whop this fre t
pienclous efort is dedicated..
kse . ven-by-nine list of Ns great qualities
with a yard of adjectives pinned on, was in
tended for this place, butts omitted fur two
reasors: _ " F
Ist. He knows those qualities as well as No.
2d. Such laudations bein l gkgenerally hot:t
hugs, my list woultiadil nothing to his repu
tation,—might perhaps‘do something in tlie
way of subtraction.
But this I will say: Whoever denies that
he is the greatest institution on the face 'of the
earth and a foot beyOnd it,iies in my estima
tion as flat asit_pusillanimous saw-log._
I hope he feels highly flattered by this dis
tingetshed mark of the fuVoi-of the
Arrnon.
- • INTRODUCTION'.
'Coming'Ovents cult, their shadows berore
• - CANNIBAL.
by Miself in solitary conclave nertrtiled,
the fullowing wera propcsed and unanimously
'carried :
Wheieas it. is admite.(Lthat no -One hereafter
can enter Varadise without.showing at the
gate a book by "self" as a passport; and
Whereas it matters not whether the hook
be large or small, contain sense, or tionseme;
and
Whereas self-elevation is a lavi _of nteure
vs-ordintete•with Pelf preservation;
Be it illetefore. enacted :. Ist. That I write
a passport book. .
2& That i•a4l story be printed, newspaper
'i-,outinued=or-otherwise-stury fashion, to at
tract notice; and afterwards when the author is
hard up, le-printed and bound, to attract the
shiners. •
That said work when bookified make
at least one vol'arne 'as large as the time hon
ored Oography of old. Mrs. Liubbard's bone
#ess.(lo*, °vibe doleful History of the Low
arrowed Rooster Robin.
.
And furthermore; .wherea, whoever, now
jlttlitys,-can tell aspeit from a poker, or die
„Ictter.x from a figure 4 rat-trip, is able to
E
write a book of travels; xnd
Wher`bas, whoeyell, having this kdowledge,
goes as far as the gable-en d of the next pota
vo-pitch, writes book of travels, and.,
Whereas, hthink myself" some pumpkins,".
having. exactly the above-mentioned knowl
edge, besides. the extra accomplishment of
baring ssome Yeaticaltitten -half n line
of coarse hand in a copy bock; and,.Wbefeas,
NO. 7, I have gone a flogleap - or two beyond
the prescribed potato-patidt; therefore,
lie it eipplvaticallv enarited that I, write a
, book of travels, said book to be measured Of
into volame4; and chapteis with poetic head
ingv, according to fashion, and to contain, of
course, the inevitable : _
PREFACg. -•
"Wilk in, walk in, walk:in t say,"
Mr. Pt lice 13y your lease 111 now venture,
shoes in hand, within your awfurprecinu!s.
If you have no oljection I should like to stay
fh dill go nut or get kicked out. Come, take
my lux*. Be it friendship's pledge?
"(-111 are surely pleased with my long in
troduction, 'hitt it should be longir.. Had. I
trade the volume two-thirds Aitroduction and
Vie real metaplsysital Choctaw, I would have
attained the ideal of hooklmaking,. As it is,
whit I want in intrOduction I shall strive to
make np in appersdi.• .To any good work a
bik title is essential: Here my choice must
please You. A second grand Ishg,hfalutiti name
with theindispensahleorbefore it.,was annibilw
ted yesterday by'an .unhappy su rn merset of a
ricke y inkstand. Ishalt say nothing of the
wee of intense meutat labor and historical
resea eh employed in bringing that Dime to
perfection, as this'. would , give the yKorld-too
vivid an idea of its loss and cause unnecessary
affliction. . -
My book now goes forth, It is a book. - - A
book's a book although there's .nothing
says Byron.. A book's a book though peeping
through a hewspaper, says BoomanaNn.
THE BOOK ITSELF. .
CHAPTER I.
MIiNVAiE
" Now I feels the want of change."
Once uoon a time the atmosphere of "the
City of Wm. Penn, Esquire, was hot, aa-at
p‘lent, the moiive power employed in driv
ing the -phlttronjc machinery of your
truly country Air, - pure country air, untainted
by. mephitic gases andtmewer effluvia worked•
the kital mechanism of ~my infancy. I had
Almiist added laiyhood, forgetting, that this
old fogyish phase of existence is totally ig
-trore-Al in the revised'edition of the conitito
tion and bye-laws-of Young American 2.40-
on-a-plank-ism. Pleasant times:those were
in-that infantile period—so I learn frotogood
,authority. For my own part I -have fors►
teo all ebbut thoie early days eipeciall tae
earliest.
As nothing is- immtritible under' the sun.
save the voracity-of a'uppetless flea, it is no
wander that Ls hould experience somikthanges.
And in he course of buman.events mtitations
did come.. T can truly say with the Lapland
poet, "A changi came o'er the - pirits of the
stream." The immortal bard does not fully
explain his meaning-1391'ff not mire whether,
by "spirits of the stream" he worild have us
understand bull-frogs -or diluted whiskey,
but I guess he knew. Simie say be wrote
"spirit of the driani?! but'-of course those'
chaps ,are dreaming. Anyhow the verse
suits me exactly. Horace, an - ancient Ro
man and joint author of that great Cyclo
pedia, "" The Die:Sonar's , of , ctiteitaticros or
The Universe in Sharing4 ff sityls in an article
for sa:d Work, "Tempcira -matanttir et nos
inutaniurin -This means.according to
it literal translation by : a committee of the
a Ls4.ter Day lini veisi ty" grad antes," We dodge
about to suit' the timet" My own. move
ments prove the trytkof this- , -prove also as
plain as .a pug nose, Ask Mr. Horace', unlike
some later Clycopsktiew kidney-bestas,from
buck-shot. -
,IaNDANZ - DII7O, .(CONTINVIGIO •
"Go, it whileyou're young.".-
Clearly as aspectiieled sereaels-owl beholds
her tee-nails' in, 'the solemn - hour" or. ghost-
racing, I saw onekofgy.morning that . years o the stage, doesn't look scared or bashful
Wete effecting a revolution on a largeicale in ehongh,'doesn't bow low enough, or seem
my physical . proportions. Very naturally , obie4nionsly grateful •enough when favored
therefore, the ideal struck me, as fair aslorse- ith . ItAda - st of genuine - republican applause.
kicking, that said
, proportions required ascot.- owCver, Musard is the rage. Musard styles
responding change of position; in other words, 4e said to be starting thick as Ethiopian
wanted room to 'spread myself. Then after *Col. Tlie,Orit of Musard , hats, dog collar;
a feW philosophical reflectiods on that golden vilmel-barrows,earthquakes, and fire-shovels,
principle of the uhterrified Aristotle, "Look i evidently , at hand. 'Musard is a well.
oat for No. t," nus measures were taken.
s arched, bristle-faced, food looking fellow ;
CHAPTER - • li -ely, deserves all he gets; does deserve it
- 1 jwe may take Paris,Londo'n and New York
DITTO AGAIN', tCONCLVDED.)
ges of musical talent. He is about forty
"Yankee Dandle went to town" - y ars of age. Not being, posted ap on his
GEORGE 111 ALTAR LOO NEY GEORGE. histbry, I cannot give anythnig pre-
When measures are taken, , a very important else on that• point. Some say, if Pm not
point is, to servettliem as the great Jack niistaken, that like the Emperor Napoleon,ho
Ketch on iitrionsOccasions served his London is his uncle's nephew, and also a near relation
customers—go ahead and execute them. to }lie brother Billy by the mother's side
This idea just , Suggested. by the merciless Perhaps this is so. I'm not certain
execution of an alligator backed-pine.apple; la TIIC
by two sable, ragged-backed juveniles across
the street, is given , fur what it is worth; how
ever, with the modest con'fide'nce that it wilt
povervein t y .natne from everlasting oblivion,
and 45sti me to the rank of Alderman. Di
gression is fashiofiable or I would here say:
'"Gentle 'Reader !! pat don the digression - ill"'
Well, to return.. Having taken measures,
'likes thorough-bred shoemaker, I set about
to execute them - like a patriotic neck
stretcher.
-Having in my Teener days set it down as
a maxim, that the destiniet o a f nations-depend
on eating, and twins, aware that: I was not
quite a nation, I sat down one Monday morn
ing to a frugal breakfast, and deliberately .
dispatched a miseelianeous quantify o'f bread,
butter, eggs, and hog mutton, besides doing
justice to my share of a pan of apple-sauce,
two cakes of tallow, a quart and a half of •
turpentine, a peck of •oats, - some buckiwheat
job ny -cake, burnt bonescylind ri ca u sages,
shoe-nails and sole-hiather, and a few other
vegetables found only_ in a viFiage yankee
Lions store or a New York junk shop.
To this gastrici performance succeeded' an _
exhibition of in the shape of good
hand-shaking, eye-rubbing and other
little et ceteras . meediess to dwell upon. A few
moments after, I might be seen depositing
my best and: newest suit of wearing gear
with the legitimate contents of said suit neat
ly enveloped therein, on the cushioned seat
of a blood thirsty, savage•looking rail road
eau .Amid an awful,rusli and crowd like the
pacling of fifty thuusand good-1111111Mo sheep I
into a common sized hen-coop at. washing
dine, a spry little ,genius with a bright piece
I-of pewter on his cap squeaked out "all
abort'o!" and i reckon this child was there. The
fiery- oil Murder Boy began to pant like - a
distracted oanny-goat fleeing -front 'political
justice out of a cabbage garden; and ere that
ani;ient mowing divinity Father Time•could
get intich_ more than tinie to bomb. his hoary.
foretop or g,rind his scytheand sliiike himself
for his.dity's achievement, my - organic frame-
*ork was propelling along a certain street
ketween the Schuylkill and the Delaware,
conscious of the important fact that it formed
a fraction c7filiat , great integer so dear to our
city sdotncrns just before election
ocrt-esoett..
diAPTER,
DRAKE DOWN I ,
*tette your time Miss Lucy."
DYING WORDS OF HANNIBAL
•
Sotheloodv wants to knob What is my
opinion of the Quaker Capital. Now, I say to
friend somebody, just• you keep cool. Don't
be so foolish as to suppose I'm going to tell
vou every thing in a minute. In the jar and
bustle ofa phice like this; I must like a fox
that 'girds on his armor for a fowling foray
make up my mind to pint my way. carefully.
I don't think it is a good plan, to form at
once,too general opinions or jump at hasty
conclusions. A fellow Anay find himself'
slightly mistaken like the maternal hen that
squats on hickory nespeggs.
My first`vte* of Philadelphia is an epoch
in my history and all the world knows an
,epoch is a hal lowed blowing phice for exhausted
writers. Adhering then to establiMied usage,
I shall say; Enough for the present. The rest
of this thrilling narrative, in mere or less
volurites, Containing the reflections and sub
sequent peregrinations of the rhittlity atttbor,
may he found next week, hereafter, or never,.
crawling leisurly out of the clarified mozzle
of a smooth-bore, single-barreled goose quill,
at the author's shanty, corner of Bosh and
Gammon Sta., or among-the standard litera
ture of respectable Jew-dealers in general,
over the left, or in any other decent spot in
creation where it is, above or, below the sur
face within the range of the great monster,
double concave, seven-balky-horse-power,
'telescope with ivory eyelflass and patent
leather speculum:
N EGG ER ,3.1 ELODY
- SEEDY LOATHER
APPENDIX
After dinner this . llth day of June. Beat
awful. Effect trenienddus du acbount of the
rapid transition from that drew) , diluvian,
Spriorri. Thermometer 80. Afraid the sad•
den alit • will raise mercurial steam too tast y
burst tile. bolter; and do' something dreadful:
Hate to-write. Rather lounge, go to sleep,
or do . same other pious work. Must -write
.oe%ier. Book too small. Wouldn't sell
well without an appendix.
The usual amount of flowers 'have been
growinr , D , in ilia garden of ras c ality here this
week. Some hate flourished .finely; a feW
hare btert nipped in the bud' by the fingers
of wide-awake officers. •
Several'eases of accidental drowning have
occurred Within a few - days the Delaware
and Schuylkill. On Sunday afternoon - a
-steam . boat on the - Delaware 'ran into and
capsized a boat - containing four men.. The
poor struggling fell - 04 were refused ilstistsiice
by the Brutal captain and ',all would have
' perished. had'not a little craft at a distance
come to the rescue. As it was; one of the
number was unhappily drowned. The deep
est indignation FrreirtiNd art* the th ()limey
gem againstllie inikreant captain. Strange,
-that laws should not mete -out stern • justieb
'to such inhuman barbarians
3- 'On Monday a colored girl. was -arrested fos9
setting fire to a house on Third St. She
confessed the act. Motive for •getting up . the
fireworks-- - - . " She want& to leave,aad enotrgbt
that would bb i good way to get off? Sue•
needed admirabry.
The renowned Musard has;;.been roc a
week at the Academy , of Music with hia
1 enrapturing the good-peoplesf this citf-iffbi
hie grand' -concerts. With nisi' by Carl
"Formes. '
el. the great* bienteminger of thadry.l
Mussed is . a.-Frenchman; every inch of hi,
Critics - say Huard hats no' Arai; 40101
beings star of second miznitude. -
• complain that award looks too indepernforti
•
WE A off EE ALL EQUAL BEFORE.6OI) AND TUE CONSTiTUTioN.”:.;4airioot
_ _
Alrost,,Sitsquetainta- Cumin, Venit'a,' sorniq, "4F1.85$
• ROW JANE GREW JEALOUS.
• 1 One morning,-some time since, as I was in
,t 1 e kitchen' mixing a custard, I.heard a low
t p at the basement door, and before I could
open it, sister•in-law, of all persons in the
World, entered hastily, and seating herself on
die nearest chair; drew out 116 r handkerchief
aild -burst into a flood,ef tears.
, .
II was niu'cli alarmed.
I" What is the inatter - , s Jane I" I inquired.
ao tell me at once what has happened r'
aOh, Emmal Pen the -most wretched wo
man on this earth !" sobbed sister:in-law—
", the most wretched, miserable, forsaken crea
tclra_that breathes !" and she wept afresh.—
have come to you," sbe continued, " be ,
c , use you iire• his sister. I - must speak to
a me one or my heart will b:e4k—sod ma's
E.no out; and • thougb it's all over between
forever, still I wouldn't tell a stranger of
s wickedness for worlds !"
" NV-toy, lane," I exclaimed, have you bad
,olitrrel with Toth 1"
"-No, hintna;" said sister—" No, Mat wo'd
hp= easily remedied. No •,, it's not that;, but
—Loh, dear me ! give :me a ,7, 1 a , s of water !
T,
m--is--un—faith- 7 -ful —to—me! I'm
s•i re be is 1" .
I" I dan't,believeit Jane!" I answered,-in
dignantly. 4 Tom! why, be is a model - hus
band !" - -
I" Ali, Emma, an angel couldn't have con
vinced me of it," groaned Jane ; " but I can't
do - übt the evidence of my -own senses, you
.-L4ow. I have eyes and eats--I wish I hadn't,
ahnost—and I only found it out to-day by
Lie merest chance. - Oh, Eintuai I mean to
tt'- three- cent's worth of laudanum at the
arthecary's,-and take it down—there now 1"
"But what are your Jane ?" I in-.
quirei. "J"Mbably it's all a mistake."
" A mistake: I never make mi s takes, Em
rria,'.! replied sitter-in-law. "Just listen. and
I' I telt you all about it. Torn has been out
lately very often, and keever could discover
wlliere he went to. Of cdurse he gave me
sme kind of an answer when I asked him . ,
bthat it was 'merely- an excuse to
e. U
t i
de me just as well . as I know I'm sitting
hre. Well, this morning I was down town.
sOopping, and as usual I stopped at Tom'4
tlialca on my way home. Tom had gone out
fir n few morn.nts; but the door was open,
a,d I went in. The moment I t crossed the
thresholl 4 felt a shudder run all through
‘r e—a sort of premonition, I believe; and
1 ere - on the table lays little note, addressed
ta delicate feminine hand, to 'Thomas
trey, E;q., pretent.' Oh, dear me bow' 1
embled as I opened it, and read as follows :
" DEAIL Tom—l - have waited some time
hopes of seeing you, but being in haste,
ito delay no longer. Meet me according to
twititment at No. 550
irooklyn, at nine o'clock. Inquire for Mrs.
411r.5. Don't fail; there's a good boy.
!" Well, Emma, as sobn as I had finished,
slipped the note in my pocket and ran out.
stay there I couldn't. ,Ida, as I told you, has
_one to spend the clay with some old friends,
nd I mugt havfrisome ono with me ;, fur I in
-I.nd to follow them, and confront the brazen
restore and that guilty man this very night'"
1 " Why - hot ask him to explain it I" I in-
Iluired.
3o von suppose such a man Would tell
tube truth £' sneered sister-in law. ' Oh, Em
ma, do come with the, or I won't answer, for
te consequences,--and I should remember
t i
it children, poor things! in spite of his de
ravity."
"Well; Jane; ' I assented ,after some consid
-1
Tarim], " I will go witli'you ; buLliow_ do
fou intend to'arrange matters I" •*‘ *
1 " You know," said sister-in-law, " there is
4 large dressmaking estahlishrnent within
light Of 'Tom's office. -Just before dark we
will go Were, and I *ill have my dress fated,
Cr order a mantilla or something ; and we
Fan easily manage to detain ourselves until
bom starts, when-we can follow about a block
ehind. ' We must wear heavy veils and long
erloaks, and no one will recognize us. I will
acme for you before dark.. Now I must go
tome to my poor, miserable, unhappy; wretch
ed, ill-used babes;" and sister-in-law kissed
me hysterically, and departed.' - _
bMy heart almcst misgave me. I haven't
ue particle of a French woman's character
in Irry,sihole composition, and abominate in
.trigues, plots, and everything of, the sort—
Coquetry lied flirtation included---and my
Yankee spirit revolted at the idea of this ad
venture: Soil I reflected that- if *iister.in , law
was to commit suic'de it would be ter, Ude ;1
snd Torn ought to be found oat if he really
was guilty; or cleared if be was innocent.
[- Jane came for me at five o'clOck, and in
Iless 'than half an hotir we .started.' We g r .
rived at the dressmaker's, and - Jane so con-,
trived it-that our orders., explanations, - and so. ,
on, occupied the time until seven ; detect,
when I; standing at the window, saw Torn
emerge from his office and walk rapidly down
the street. I gave the preconcerted signal
to sister An-lays, and We,fullowed at. ones.
4 was fast growing dusk. Torn turned
!hie steps toward the Brooklyn ferry; walking
so: rapidly 'that we could scarcely keep- him
in sight. Nevertheless, we mane ged.tereaph
.the boat. just after be-did, and with our veils
down,.slipped into the ladies' cabin. Torn
stood outside f ,and vihe'n We had erossel, it
- had groWn' so dark that we.could. gust dis
tinguish. his
.fonn as he stepped upon the
dock. Be turned to the right, and after sev
eral blocks ,Crossed over and-entered a btoad
'handsome street: '. • . ' . .
".I.Yo Yon- -koosir.- - vehere - we Ater I whis
pered..
.
:µ Net 1," . iii4iiitiect4iiio'an I.l4.aiinie tone.
4 To' Otte* Of , ibe ii01 : 51. streets' of the citY; of
ea*: Stith t liettiOn . O. 01d; 114 inettere
alt e.'' - . -_ ,
I trembled and-took be? arm. ,
" You cqn go back if you choose, Ethm . a, 4l
said sister-in-law; disdainfully." 'But I will
never turn 'twirl have convicted that base
man of kis perfidy:"
As turnieg back was utterly impossible,
unless Tom did so, as neither of us had any
idea of our whereabouts, 1" did not avail my
self of this permission. - . 13t and bye our uu
con,cious guide began so grpwtewildeied.--
He crossed and recrossed, ascending steps,
came down again, and at lastorned into a.
dim, unlighted street. As we followed, look •
ing anxiously in the direCtion where Tom's
Gat was dimly visible, we forgot to pick our
way with that care which the state of the
sidewalk rendered , becissary, and just iu the
darkest part, down we came plump into a
bed of inertar left by some workmen in front
of an unfinished house. We scrambled out
as quickly as we could, and followed in the
direction Tom had taken.
Tom apparently began to feel sure of bis
locality. '\Ve were now apparently in a well
lighted street; and in a few MOMents:stood
in -the full blitze of light which fell, from a
brilliantly lighted apothecary's store. What
sights . we were mud and mortar to our very
knees. The few people we passed stared at
us as ttiough we were Tuiks; and, if poor
Tom, walking uneouseiofisly before us, could.
have seen us. I believe ho would have fainted.
I made a solemn league and eovepant with
myself that night, that if I ever got on of
the_serape, no power on earth-should inveigle .
me it.to such another. '
At length Tom_pauied before a viiiPIRAY
cottage-like house, with green shrubbery in
the garden, and a pleasant. light falling soft.
ly_threugh the.curtained-aindows ; and after
a moment's investigation he ascended the
steps. The sound of tnusio and merry voices
floated out upon tl.e. air as the door was
opened. A woman's form bowed graceful
welcome at the vine•wreathed, threshold, and
TOm vanished from cur eyes.
" Oh, Emma!"_ sobbed poor sister•in•law,
" How awful i That bold ereatare! Did
you see the roses in her hair, and those jevr
eled.bracvlets I No doubt Tom gave them
to her. My`Tom I. Oh dear I:who ever wo'd
- have believed it? .
_No matter, it's all over,
and I'll show him what an injured woman
can do and say."
We stood d urin gu this colloquy in. the shad
ow of a drill: stone church, nearly opposite
the house which Tom .had entered. The
.shutters were open, and the gay scene within
was onlFAli4den.friosn:lor , .. l 4 l3bt b 7 the-gtossy
folds of lace which draped the windows.—
The clouds which hid been lowered all day
long were gathering it thick mas.es above
our heads, and presently a crash of thunder
was heard, and darn poured the rain in ab
solute torrents,aenching -- ni - to the - skin.
Oh ! how miserable' we tvere,7 startling
there in the rain that dark,..dreaoful night !
The storm passed over before long ; and
just as the last drop bad fel:en, the d.)or of
the house opposite opened, and Tom, with a
lady: on his atm, emerged therefrom. s As
soon as the door had closedrand the couple
were sufficiently in advance,• we followed.—
Tom's ..voice began the conversation.
I had . forgotten the number,". he said;
"and had some difficulty in finding ..the
i house." -
\Vhy," answered the woman, " didn't you
get the note I left you I"
`• No," replied Turn,
Dote to day."
." Why, where can it have gone tor ex
claimed the 'nay. " I put it on your office
table with inv'own bands."
." Emma, I know that woman's voice !"
whispered sister-in-law. "1 atn sure I have
heard it before. I can't think vkbo it is, but
I know her."
, .
Just as she spoke, a. party of young men,
very much the worse fur liquni, came stum
bling. ar6und the corner, singing "tonny
Annie Laurie," in that peculiar style most, in
vogue by those who " make night hideous,"
after oyster suppers or other genial assemble
ges where ibe-cosy wine bai been freely cir
culated—the first gentleman howling the first
•t•erse 4 while the se6onil .gentleman shrieked
the chorus, and the third contented himself
by-repeating " Annie Laurie" in melancholy
tones.
- _
" There she is !" hiccupped one of the ttit)
"Thete's Bonny Annie Laurie I That's her.
I'm goirig to kiss her."
" Look,here! are you Bonny Annie Laurie
or not I Tell the truth.," said the second'
specimen of young America, "'cause I want
to know."
"Oh!oh! oh !" shrieked sister-in law.- 7 -•
" Tom 1 help ! —ndurderi--come quick !
Tom, sayi• it's your ill used, ill-treated, de-
, •
ceiyed, deluded wife!"
- -
Tom turned in great ristonishr;lent,
,and
came towards us. The two gentlemen went
very hastily around the nearest corner, and
the third fell down an open tja, where his
cornpaniOns left him. •
"Jane—Emma! Why, how on earth did
You come here l" cried Tom.
u.Dqn't speak to me!" said sister7in-law—
" Wretch ! villain ! don't ,date to speak to
inn ! As for you, woman, know that your
abominable 'eider is id possession-of_ an in
jured
wife ! You ate..in my power, base, vile
scorpion that you.are ! "But this much I
will .kcow : bow long has this infamous pro
ceeding been'. carried. on I now long is it
since you won my husband's affection* from
thy tiustino p heart I
.1 have followed you . all
night to find out this • and alSo who you are,
for I am sure I have heard -that voice before.
Speak, 1-command you r _
"Laws 'it massy.!" replied the lady, dimly
discernable in the darkness—" Laws a Massy !,
I can't speak folitstooislitnend.
\ I don't like
-to think such a thing of M 'Owy n daughter,
but really ydu tetra have been taking some-,
thing that's got into your bead, done, or else
you're going iirazyl.s' ,
Gorki gracious !" screamed sister-1134w,,
"if it isn't mother !"
• "Why, who else shoUld . it bel" said thel
old lady. " Didn't yoti hear the tell. Toth to
confe after me to-night, as I wasn't sure I
could god my Way borne myself I And jtist
as 1 was starting; I was afraid:he'd forget the
number so I Wrote ,hire a little note , telling
whereto , ec;the." •
"Yes,'" I put in—teduldn't help it—" Y . es, '
and
. that very note, has,caused, this ridicukins;
Shardeful escrip,ade. On the Strength of that
little .clip of piper - we have:been feltewing
Tom aro u nd the evening , and exposing
otirsitiVei:rio detibt, to' all manner' of 'notice
and remark. Jine magnified the note into a
Icrialettei; , --her own - Mother into a young and
besitiful rival—OA 'nice' little tesidenee of
your - friend into a most terrihle BOA . of place,
twin. Toni dutifally iion'veying his nioth
er=in-law bame,into a deciitfo,'gallant,,abOut
to wrong-his wife berin4 reparation' by'con3-
mating an eloiieinent." -
'There,":4lon'tatti any more,Emmit," plead
,
Jane. " sufficiently ashamed of my=
golf, I asiute:lott."' •
should 'think you would' be," said 'her
Mother.'
Wo went ,home.. Tordis very good tiattir
ed,•and verily believe never, agentioned thg
subject again. But BrOther'Jokti - theught
thu whole affair such a joke that to %hitt day
be will burst out into the most ainaiong fits
of laughter at an uninitable moment, and
always apologizes by saying —I was thinking
of the time Jane, when you .followed poor
Tom to Brooklyn." And Psalter says=
":Tom ought to give Jane some real. cause for
jealousy, after that causeless paroxysm."
I this that it would be wrong, though, for
Jealousy, absurd as it sometimes it, is a proof
of love.
Dea'con Bancroft, though a very good man
in the main, and looked up to with respect
by all the inhabitants oT the village of Centre
vitle, was rumored to have, in Yankee par
lance, "a pretty sharp eye in the main chance"
a peculiarity (rota, which deacons are not
always exempt. ;,
-
In worldly matters he was decidedly well
to do, having inherited a fine farm from •fairi
father, which was growing yearly More VIA
able. It might be supposed that under those
circumstances, the deacon, who was fully
able to do so, would have ound a bellp meet.
to share his house and name. But the deacon
was wary. Matrimony was to him some
measure a matter- o'nioney, and it was his
firm resolve' not 'io marry unless be could
thereby enhance his worldly prosperity. Un
happily the Mile village of Centreville and
the town in the immediate vicinity contained
few - who were qualified in this important
particular, and of those there were probably
none with whom the deacon's suit would have
prospered.
So it happited that_year after year passed
away, until Deacon Bancroft was in the
prime of life - forty five or thereabouts—and
still unmarried, and in all iiiiimaixprobability
hkely to remain so.
Desenni.Bancroft's nearest. neighbor sena.
The Widow Wells,who had passed through
one matrimonial experience; was some three
or four years younger than Deacon 'Bancroft.
She was still quite a comely woman. Uu.
fortunately the late Mr, Wells had not been
able to leave her sufficient to make her jade-
•
pendent of the world. All that she possessed
eas the small, old fashioned house, in which
she lived, and a small amount of money,
which W'as insufficient to support hal and a
little son of. seven, though hardlto be
classed as 'productive' of anything but mis
chief. The widow was therefore obliged to
take'three or four boarders, to eke out her
scanty income, which of course imposed upon
her, ,considerable labor and anxiety.
Is it surprising then that trade). these cir
cumstances she should now and then heist
Lethought herself of a secocd marriage, as a
method of bettering her 'condition ? Or,
again, need we esteem it a special wonder, if,
in her reflections upon this point, she should
have cast her eyes upon her neighbor i Deacon
Bancroft. The deacon, as we , have already
said, was iu flourishing circumstances. He
would be able to maintain a wife in great
comfort,and tieing one'of the chief personages
in the village, could accord her a prominent
social position:
He was not. especiallydrandiome, or calcu
lated to make a profound impression upon
the female heart—this was true—but he was
~of good ;disposition, kind hearted, and would
no doubt make a very good sort °fa husband.
A desirable match.
" I have received no
Some sagacious person, however, has ph
serveethatit takes two to make a matc - *-rt
fact to be seriously considered; for in ) -the
present case it was exceedingly doubtful
whether the worthy &icon, even if he had
known the favorite opinion of his next neigh
bor, would have beensinclined to propose
changing her name to Bancroft, miless, -in
deed, a suitable motive was brought into
bear upon him. Hero was a chance for
finessing. •
. One evening, after a day of fatiguing-labor,
the widow .Wells sat at the fire iu her sit
ting room, with her feet resting upon-the
fender.
;tie but of Got%
--:o:---
'lfl ever am so situated as not to have to
wolk so hard;she ruminated, 'I shall be hap-.
py. It's a hard life keekng boarders. If
I was only as well off as Deacon Bancroft.'
Still the widow kept/ up tier 'thinking, and
by and by her.face brightened dp. She had
aft idea 'which she resolved to put into exe
cution at the very earliest practical . moment.
What it was the reader will discover in the
segue%' . •
- Henry, said shiS tti her son,tho neit irinr
ning,'l want you to stop at Deacon Bancroft's
as you go along to school, and ask him if, he
will call and .tee me in the Courso.of the mor
ning or afternoon, just as he finds it most
convenient.'
- -
Deacon Bancroft was a little surprised at
the summons. Ilowever,about o'clock he
balled in.
the vvidew bad got on the dinner, and had
leisitre to sit doivo. She appeared a little
.etnitairas.vetl.
'Henry told me that you would like td see
me,' thejleacon commenced.
'Yes, .Deacon Bancroft, I-de, but lam
much afraid you will think strange of it—at
least of wh,at, I tnean to say to yea.
The deacen - very politel§ promised 'not to
be surprised, though at the same time his; cu.
rioSity Was :visible excited, -
‘Suppose,'said the widow,casting do in her
eyes—'muid lam only supposing -a case—
suppose a person should find a pot of gold,
pieces in his cellar, would the law have a
riglit t& touch it, or' would it belong to
them - • -
The deacon pricked up his ears. •.
'A pot of ',gold pieces, widow 1 Why,
..
questionably, - the law Would baT'e no)bing to
do with' it' •
Utid"the one Who had:formerly owned .the
bousioouldn'i tome foiward rad claim .iii
could deepen V inquired ;the wjdow,
further witk apparent Anxiety... =
'No madam , unquestionsblk iii 3(.; Whentk hotve wits disused tiatip_tbineiitint
with it.' _ „
ain glad to bear it, deacon: • You'wOnt Bancroft, 'atid she indulged in a eostly•bon.
thinkistrange of the.question, bath happened' nel, not because she supposed be would - by •
to occur •in_my mind, and I' thought I Would caught with 'finery, but because this wot4d
like•to• have it satisfied. , • strengthen , )I;6lB4i:rind the idea that she btld.
'Certainly, widow, certainly,' said the dea- stumbled-Pon bidden Wealth'. -
coo; abstiftetedly.! • - • • The widow had calculated shrewdly, sad
desiOon;sts_you are here, : I hope you the display bad , the effect she anticipated., a
will stay to dinner with me'. It will be ready - ,Idenday,aftornoon, Deticonjtateroft.foniel
Epunetuallyattweins: „ ap errand thatcalled him over to the widow's.
'Well, no,' aaidthe : deacon, rising ; 'Tin It %Winced to, be about tea time. He was
Much oblecged to ye,bat be expectiog importuned to stay,to tea, and; somewhat to
me home. • , his surprise, actually did. • ,
any rate, deacon,' Said the Widow, tfiki., The, politic widow, who knew the deacon's •
in - g 'a steaming mince pie from the oven, 'you weak point, brought on one of her best mince
must know that I pride myself on my
, pairiee pies,a Slice of which her - guest partook of with
pies? '
zest.
The warm pie sent forth such a delicious' 'tool! take another\piece, flnow,'said she
odor, that the deacon was sorely tempted, pekeesrvely.
and after saying, 'Well,' With the intention 'of 'Really, I fun ashamed,' said the deacon,
refusiti be finished . by saying, 'On the and he passed his plate. 'The fact is,''said be
whole, I guess I will, as it looks so nice,' , apologetically, 'your pies are ao nice I 'don't '
The widow. was really, a g•ood cook, and know when tostop.'
the deacon ate with much guato the generous 'Doyen call these nice,' said the widow
slice which the. widow cut for him, and after modestly. - `I• only call them common. I
a - little more chatting . upon unimportant can make mince p ies when I-set'ont to, but
subjects, be withdrew to some mental per-, this Tillie I didn - t - have as good look as -
plexity.ui . •
'Was it possible,' thought be,,, 'that the shouldn't Want any better,' said the 'dna
widoW could really have fOund a pot of gold cOdernphatiCally: •
in her cellar S h e did_ nut say eb-much - to 'Then I hope if von like them, you'll drop
be sure, but why s'ho'uld she show so much" in to teOoften, We . ought to be more neigh
anxiety 'to know as to the proprietorship of boily, Deacon B ancroft:
treasure thus found, if she had not happened Deacon Bancroft assented; and he meant•
upon ionieT what be said. The feet is that deacon be-
To be sure, so fin- As his knowledge ex : gait to think that the widow was a very
tended, there Was no one who had occupied charming woman. She wits, very comely.
the houseWbo would be in the least likely to and then she was such an excellent cook!
lay up such an airotint of gold; but then the Besides he had 'no doubt in s ide own mind that
house was one hundred antilfty years 01(1,at she was worth a considerable sum of inoney.
the very least, and; undoubtedly, had many , What objecti - osewonld there be to becoming
occupants of whom he knew nothing. It Mrs. Bancroft I . lffe• brought' this question
might be, after all. Tbe s widaw's earnest de- before her eneevehings . The widow blUshed
sire to. have him think it. was only curiosity, —professed to, be greatly Surprised—in fact
likewise gaiie. additional probability to the she had 'never thought of the thing in her
supposition. , , s life—but on the whole,she had alwaYs thought
will wait and -watch, thought the dea- highly of the deacon, and tti• cut the Matter -
con. accepted'hirn.
. .
It so happened that Deacon Bancroft was . A month afterwards she was installed as -
one. of the Directors of the Savings Instiiu- mistress of the defteon's large house,snrneWhat
tution. situated in the ,neat town, and ac- to the surpriSe .Pf the village pect'le; 0 ??
cordiugly used to , ride over there once or, could not conceive bow shehad brought tam
' twice a month to attend the meetings of the' •over..
beard. , - . Berne weeks after the ceremony, the dea- -
On the next occasion of this -kind ‘ the wid- con yentured - to inquire about the pot gold.
ow Wells sent over to know if he would catty which she had found in the cellar.
her over with him, as.she had a little business 'Pot of gold !' she exclaimed iii surprise,
to attend to there. . know of node.'
ThQ.ra.qu.sm....as mainly accorded. Arrived 'But,' said the deacon, disconcerted, 'you •
in the villaire, Idys. Wells requested to ho set know you 'asked me whether *the law Could
down at the bank. , ` claim it.
I' thought the deacon, 'that means ' 'o,' lor&Con, I only asked from curi
•
something' - osity;
He said nothing, however, but determined 'And was that the reason you made in
to come beck, and find out as he could, read- quiries at the bank r ' •
Litv from the cashier ; what business she had "Why, certainly. WEet could it Eava
with the bank. • been
The widow tripped into the office, pretend- The deacon went out into the barn and
ing to look indi ff erent. 1 for about half an hat' sat in silent medita
'Can you give me small bilis fora fire dot- Lion. At the end of 'that time ho ejaculated
lar geld piece r she asked. •,•" as a-considerdtien, 'after , ,all she makes good -
'With pleasure,' was the reply. mince pies I'
'By the way,' said she, 'are bank is in a i * 4 ,
flourishing condition, is it not r
'None in the State is on better footing:was
the, prompt response.
`You receive deposits, do you not
'Yes, madam, we ale receiving them every
day.'
-D • - -
o you , receive as high as—five thousand
dollars 1' •
•No,";aid the cashier, with sours surprise,
`rather we do not allow interest. on so large a
sum . . One thousand dollars is our limit. Did
-you know of any-me 'who—
'lt is of no consequence,' said the Widoiv,
hurriedly; only asked for cuiiosity. , By
the way did you say flow Much interest you
allowed on such deposits as mile within your
limit
,r,
'Five per, cent, madani' •
'Thank you, I only asked fur cariosity.
What a beautiful mining it is I .'
The widow 'trippled lightly out. Shortly
itfterwards tho deacon entered.
a 'How is business' Mr• Cashier r he in
• 4":. 'About as usual.' •
.'Had any new deposits lately r
*None of any magnitude.
'I brought o+er a lady this inorning,swho
seemed to have business with you'
'The Widow Wells
'Yes.'
• 'Do you know s whether ghe had any money
left her lately l'
'None that I knew of,' said the deacon,
pricking up his ears: 'Why ? Did she de
posit any' I'
'No,' replied the cashier, 'but she asked me
whether we receive depaits as high as five
thousand dollars.'
`lndeed t' ejaculated the deacon. 'Was
that all she came for I' he inquired a moment
afier ards. •
iN•S'she exChanged a gold piece for some
'Ha pondered the deacon, reflectively,
`did she give you any particular reason for
inquiries r
'No, the said she only asked from curio
sity:
The deacon left the bank in deep thought.
He crane td the conclusion' that this 'cu . ritri,ty'
only.feiled a deeper. motive. He no longer
entertained a doubt that the widow had actu
ally found a-pot of Sold in her cellar., and
appearances seemed to indicate that its prob . - -
able iatue was equal to five thouand dol
lars. The - gcld piece which she bad ex
changed at the hank appeared to confirm this
story:,
• 'I, rather think,' snit the deacon, corn•
placently, can see into the millstone about
as far as most people'--4 statement the
trtithof which I defy any one to quer
tion, though, as to the prime fact of people's
being .able to, see into a millstone at all,
doubtss - have now and then intruded them
sores upon My - Mind-
Nezt Stinday. the Widow Wells appeared
at church bra new and stylish bonnet,Whitth
led to somi:suCh- remarks as these— '
'How much vanity, aortae people bave,to be
sure r ;
'HowAt 'woman thtithas to keep boarders
for a living can afford to dash out alrith such
a bonnet, its more than I can tell I._ I should
think that she Wits °id enough to know bet
ter.' -
'I supPese 4 ' continued- he same lady, , she's
trying -to catch a husband with her finery.
Alefore I would cuindeacend to such weans I'd
- . -1 1 4 drown niyaelf.'
:-In this frost arniable speech the yooog lady
had utiviittingirhit . tipon the true moils":
The widow wee intent upon cat Ching• Doictin
iitititios, .gitintri ia..
It gives me pleasure to state that the union
between the deacon and_ the widen' , proved
a very happy Otie, although to amend of his,
life he never could quite make up his Mind
'botit "That Pot of Gold."
AN' OFFICER I"SOLD "—The Chambers- ,
burg "Valley Spit" relates the fulkiwing in
stance :—One day near the close of last week,
a portly old gentleman, drest.ed in a suit of
black (Broadeloth walked quietly -into the
office of the Clerk- And Prothoriotary,atid ap
proachinr, the' dek where Barney.. was wait
ing,up a sli of paper and wrote there
on, tool:
l i ci,
"I want to se the judgments entered . 0
against--" Owe need not give the name.)
Barney took the slip of paper, and • walking
aciess to Hi, pudic in his hands with the re‘
mark, "There is a gentleman who wants some
information froth ~ you;--I suppose he can't
talk." Hi read' with due solemnity, what
had been written by the man _who 'couldn't
talk,' and witho•ult a - note .or comment, arose
and got out the book required and opened it
at the proper pa e, aid then drew the pa
tiently waiting tdiutti' to his side by an up
ward curve and several inward puffs of hid
arm. The old gentleman responded to tin;
sign by leisurelyl gliding rip alongside of Hi _
and looking oven
e. the opened book._ After
examining . the rcord to his - satisfaction, he
raised his silver4d head and in. a- low btit,.. ; .. i
addible voice asked for a el . i:ee! of paper. 1 34!
tall friend the Prothonotar y wilted down tcr l 7,-,]
about htilf his tidtial height, and the:Wishing .'
face of-the modest clerk: wailfberely visible --
above his boots. i The quiet . old gentlemrin_.-.
proved to I.* Hon. David R. Porter, Ex-
Governor of Peensylania, and . Isis reason foe
writing instead Of speaking What be wanted,-
was that be supposed Hamslier, who waV
standing at a desk, was the officer, and Key- -
ser, who was sated - in a chair, merely a
visitor, and he did not want ,to expose his
j
business to any ut -the proper person." We
can imagine tb i funny twinkle of the (foliar-
nor's sparkling eves at thdenouement.
. -
..• 4N, 4.
~ .
Pot' GOES 'h ire WEASEL.—air. C---ward
his little son, Crarley, were sitting by the fire '
I n
listening -to the tisic of a piano, upon which
the child's mot ter was playing. After she
concluded; it ib'eing, the- child's I - becbtitnia;
Charley was told to say his. prayers and go
to bed. As wal his custom, be kneeled down
beside his motber, and, with folded hands and •
his head full ofithe milsic-he had heaid, re
peated'the !sal-known child's hymn:—
Now I ay mu down to-sleep, '.
I pray he Lord frig soul to keep ;
•Itl atr4uld die before I wake— '
kites the weasel.! , ,
-, your fool, what mal - es yoia
rabbit, when Your gun ia not
/air 'Pattie
steal after
loaded?'
- 'flush, my
know that'
darlint, the rabbit" 'does' not
_ -
BALDNESS. The •BDStdfl Post istiyi that
brandy applic tiona;'are recommended. ,for
baldness, eonti nod - externally Rail Alie hair
is well Saturn ed, .asiid_afteris,aris - taken in
Generous quan ities_-internally; elen'eh the
roots.
(i 1
p' A Ju Ju dg e -on one occasion having, to
Pass sentence :o death mi a man. who had
been legally. convicted, be concluded as 'tau
t
al with Abe w rds, " that you' be han'ed- by
the ne•unti you are dead;" to this helm : .
fortimately• a ded, " I am sorry for it, ay.
friend; it 48 hat we must all come toN--and
tite'soletonity of the sceriewiiiinterrupted by
-a burst•of la ghter, at'wbich the JI - ttlgevas
the only , onf rrriyed'. - •
c, •
Emß:i