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m8rrcjcr.j AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY NEWSPAPER. .;- j" ?SiSr,tLS!''
Vol. VII, Now Bloorafleld, Pa., Tuesday, August 5, 1873. TVo. 31.
llt IjUoomfiflir hnics.
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CAUGHT IN HIS OWN TRAP.
"1 (TATTERS had come ton crisis bo
JJ.JL tween myself and landlady. My
bill was sadly in arrear, and Mrs. Rig
woodie, having passed from frowns to
words, and from words to importunity, had
ended with a pre-emptory demand of pay
ment. ; i
Not being ready or having the ready
to comply with her requirement, I had
nothing for it but to vacate my room and
surrender my night key ; the former being
wanted, I was given to understand, for Mr.
O'Bosh, an old customer of Mrs. Rig
woodio's, whom she was under a standing
promise to accommodate, and whose arri
val was hourly expected. Mr. O'Bosh, I
may here say, was Mrs. Rigwoodie's Mrs.
Harris a convenient myth one who
never came, but was always coming when
a delinquent boarder was to be got rid of.
I had come to the city to be au author ;
but my efforts with the pen to scrape ac
quaintance with fame and fortune had not
proved over successful.
Down to my last dollar, with no im
mediate prospect of another, and wearied
with a long search for a cheap boarding
house ; whose terms were not " Invariably
in advance." I sat me down in an out-rft-tho-way
restaurant, to face a tough
beefsteak and the still tougher question of
what was best to be done. '
A grave looking gentleman sat opposite,
dividing his attention between a bottle of
wine and the evening paper. '
" What a bungling sot these detectives
are," said the gentleman, whose tone left
it doubtful whether he spoke to himself or
me.
" Why," he continued answering my
lookr " here's that bank robbery, nearly a
week old; yet, with every clue to guide
them, and the stimulus of a handsome
reward besides, those who should have
been hot on the scent within an hour,
still stand gaping with their Angers in
their mouths. Things were managed dif
ferently in my day.
" You were a detective once,"t I ventured
to surmise.
He nodded.
"This reward is it very large?" I
asked. '
" Five thousand dollars," he answered,
" for the recovery of the property and cap
ture of the thief." V
" 'Twould be a quick way to make mon
ey," said 1, "if one knew how to go about
it." .
"Would yon like to go halves in mak
ing the effort ?" he queried summing me
up with a scrutinizing glance.
" I fear I should be of little service," I
returned ; " I have no experience in suoh
matters, and am almost a stranger in the
oity." '
if The very thing to render your aid in
valuable. This crime is evidently not the
work of a novice, and to your profession
al thief every detective's face is as famil
- iur as a pal's. The mere sight of one puts
the game to flight With you it would
be different. Under skillful guidance you
could work unsuspected. Now, if you'll
put yourself in my hands for thirty-six
hours, I beliove we can bag the prize.
What say you is it a bargain ?"
It was not exactly the road to fortuuo
, I bad set out in, but it looked like a short
er cut at starting. At any rate, my cir
cumstances were desperate, and I saw no
better chance to mend them.
" I accept your oiler," 1 said.
" Come along, then," said the stranger,
rising; and having settled our scores, we
left the place together.
In the street he took my arm, and after
a long walk through uufreqtteuted by-
streets, my companion called halt before
- sombre looking house, into which be ad
mitted us with a latch key. He led the
way up stairs to a shabbily furnished
apartment, in which a dim light was burn
ing. We seated ourselves, and my companion
was beginning to unfold bis plans, when
a knock was hoard at the door.
He hold up his finger in token of silence.
The knock was throe times repeated in
a peculiar manner, when my host got up
and cautiously opened the door.
A man stood outside with his hat pulled
over his eyes.
"Excuse me a moment," said my com
panion, stepping out and closing the door.
I heard low and earnest voices in the
passage, but only distinguished the words,
" Train for Botton at ten San Franeiteo
train at half part eleven."
Boon there was a sonnd of departing
foot-steps, and the door of the room open
ed, and the proprietor entered.
" I've no time to explain further now,"
he said. "Meet me at the depot in time
for the ton o'clock train to Boston."
" But I have no money," I answered.
" I'll see to that," he replied.
There was little time to lose, and I lose
to go. . . .
" Would you mind carrying this satch
el ?" said he. " I have a short Btop to
make . by the way, besides having a valise
to look after."
I received from his hand the article in
question, which was small and light.
In the waiting room of the depot my
attention was drawn to the clicking of a
tulcgraphio instrument.
I had once . been an operator, and bad
learned to read messages by the ear. It is
said eaves-droppers rarely hear good of
themselves, and the presont case, though
listening was involuntary, proved no ex
ception. Judge of my amazement when I heard
clicked off in language to mo as plain as
speech, a full description of my person
and everything pertaining to me, down to
the satchel in my hand in which latter,
it was said, would be found a portion of
the bonds stolen from the Bank !
I did not stay to hear what followed,
which was doubtless an order for my im
mediate arrest. ' '
The truth at once flashed upon' mo. I
had been made the dupe of the real cul
prit, who had sought to cover his own re
treat by a ruse, of which I was to be the
victim. '
I walked rapidly, avoiding public thor
oughfares, and had gone a considerable
distance before venturing to stop a police
man, and inquire the way 'to the Chief
Detective's ollice.
Following the dlreotion, I lost no time
in presenting myself to that functionary.
" I think I have discovered the robber
of the Bank," said I, as coolly as I
could.
" It'll be money in your ' pockot and a
feather in your cap if you have," said he,
eyeing me curiously, "It's very queer,
though," he added, looking from me to a
paper before him.
1 proceed od to give a minute narrative
of what had occurred since my falling in
with the pretended ex-detective, express
ing the opinion that the latter would be
found taking the half-past eleven train for
Ban Francisco.
"The telegram for your arrest," said
the Chief, " was sent by myself, on infor
mation coming from an unknown source,
but which I did not fool at liberty to ne
glect. Your coming directly here speaks
in your favor. But let us see what is in
the satchel."
It was speedily opened and in it was
found a package of missing bonds, a de
scription of which was in the possession of
the authorities. In giving them up my
late acquaintance had sacrificed but little,
s they had been so advertised that there
would have been danger in disposing of
them, while putting them into my posses
sion was a cunning device to divert suspic
ion from himself to me.
A carriage was called, and, in company
with the Chief and two subordinates, I was
taken to the depot, which we reach
ed a few miuutes before the departure of
tli train.
Snugly esoonced in a sleeping car, a
whole section of which he had taken for
himself, we discovered the object of our
search, in whom the officers reoognized
an old acquaintance. In his possession
was lounu au me stolen money ana se
curities, exoept those he had placed in my
hands. '
I was formally detained till next morn
ing, when Mrs. Rigwoodle and several of
her boarders the formor being kind
enough not to mention my little delin
quency toward herself gave so good an
account of mo, and proved so clearly that
I was quiotly at homo on the night of the
robbery, that I was discharged on the
spot.
I got the five thousand dollars, quit
courting the Muses who but a Mormon
would think of paying attention to nine
sisters at once? married Nancy Walker,
gave up poetry for the pork business, and
have found, if not fame, at least something
like a fortune in it.
A LI rely rostofflcc.
An amusing exporienco which recently
befell a special agont of the Post Office
Department illustrates the ideas which
postmasters in the far West entertain re
garding the dignity and importance of
their position. The , agent, . commonly
called "Mac," while officially visiting va
rious officosin Montana Territory for the
purpose of correcting any irregularities of
postmasters, stopped at Iron Hood. Going
into the postollice he found the room divi
ded into three sections first a saloon, next
the postoflice, and the last a faro bank.
The mail bag was brought in, a rough
looking customer opened it and emptied
the contents on the floor. The entire
crowd got down on their hands and knees
and commenced overhauling the letters,
among which were several registered, and
selected such as they wanted.. After they
were through, the remaining letters were
shoveled into a candle-box and placed on
the bar. The special agent, thinking the
office needed a little regulating, asked the
bar-tender, who had received and distri
buted the moil, if. he was the postmaster.
He answered, " No." "Are you the assis
tant .postmaster?" "No." "Whore is
the postmaster?" , "Out, .mining."
"Where's the assistant postmaster ?",
" Qone to Hell's Canyon, and by thunder
Bill Jones has got to run this office next
week; it's his turn." The government
official then asked who he was, and de
manded the keys of the office. The bar
tender coolly took the candle box from the
bar, put it on the floor, and gave it a kick,
sending it out of the door.saying : " Ther's
your post office, and now git." The agont
says:. "Knowing the customs of the
country, I lost no time in following this
advice, and got." The office was discontinued.
Hnukes In India.
There aria two ways of accounting for the
superabundance of snakes in India. One
is by tho superstitious veneration of the
Hindoos for the most deadly serpents,
which leaves them unmolested, and leaves
them to multiply without limit. Some such
result as this must also have been realised
in ancient Egypt, where all sorts of reptiles
were worshiped. Josephus tells us that
Moses was in the military service of Pha
raoh before he quarreled with the poten
tate. In one of his expeditions against
the Nubians his army was so harrassed by
the serpents, which swarmed the line of
his march up the Nile, that he lost more
men by snake bites than from the darts of
the Nubians. Indeed, his army, according
to this authority, on one or two occasions
was nearly put to route (' by venomous
snakes. ' " -
The other and more convincing reason
for the vast number of snakes in India is
the scarolty of hogs in a oountry where the
use of swine's flesh is prohibited as an
article of food. Neither the Hindoo nor
the Mohomedan religion permits the eating
of pork in any form. The country is thus
deprived of a most efficient auxiliary in the
destruction of these pests. The hog is the
mortal enemy of snakes. He kills them be
cause he hates them, and devours them
when dead. When the increase of this
useful animal is encouraged, he compen
sates society for its protection by thus
abating a harmful nuisance. But the Hin
doo despises the hog while he patronizes
the snake, and gets rewarded for bis pre
ference by bis race being stung to death at
the rate of twenty thousand annually.
tW A clairvoyant trio, two women and
man, have been traveling in the South, pre
tending to cure epizooty by the " laying on
of hands." They practiced on a Kentucky
mule the other day, and the firm has since
dissolved.
tW A young lady at Troy, while engag
ed in conversation with a gentleman, spoke
of having resided iu 8L Louis. "Was
St. Louis your native place?" Well, yes,
part of the time," answered the lady.
KIT A merchant being asked how large
an advertisement he wanted in the Enquir
er, replied that they might ."put him in
about three pints of type."
The Professor's Courtship.
A CORRESPONDENT of the Indian
apolis Herald tells the following an
icdote of Prof. Foster, who filled, with
ability one of the chairs of tho Faculty of
the colloge in Knoxville, Tenn. . .
Prof. Foster was well educated in the
sciences usually taught In college, but his
Ignorance of the' common affairs of lifo
rendered him a remarkable man, furnish
ing a rare subject for the study of human
nature in one of its multiform ' phases.
Being advised by some of his friends to get
married, he with childlike faith and sim
plicity, accepted their advice, and prom
ised to do so if he could find a young lady
Willing to have him. They referred him
to a number of the best young ladies in the
city, any one of whom, tbey had no doubt,
would be willing to accept his hand and
make him happy, no was one of tho most
kind-hearted of men, as void of guilt as of
offence, and an entire stranger to the forms
and ceremonies of modern courtship. IIo
couldn't see the necessity of consuming a
year or two in popping the question
" Sally, will yon have me ?" So he , wont
that very day to the residence of the nearest
young lady who had been commended, and
being welcomed and seated in the family
circle, as he always was wherever known,
ho at once made known the object of his
vlst by saying in a clear and distinct voice:
" Well, Miss Sarah, my friends have ad
vised me to got man-led, rccomending you
and a number of other young ladies to me
as suitable persons, and I have now called
to see if you are willing to marry me."
Had an earthquake violently shaken the
premises, the household could not have been
more astonished.' - Like a frightened roe,
Sarah started to run, when her mother
caught her, and said : , ,
" Why, child, don't bo frightened, the
Professor won't hurt you."
Being again seated, a deep' blush suc
ceeded the paleness which had been caused
by the startling announcement,' and she
rallied enough to say to the Professor that
as his proposition was entirely unexpected,
she must have time to consider the matter.
This he granted, but said : ' .
" As I am anxious, in' case of your re
fusal, to see the other young ladies to-day,
I can wait only one hour for your answer."
Knowing the . worthiness of the Profes
sor, the matron took her blushing daught
er up-stairs for consultation, ' while the
father was left to entertain his proposed
son-in-law as best he could under the novel
circumstances. Of course the discussion
of the sudden proposition between Sarah
and her mother was private, and cannot be
given in full. . The ' most essential points
of it, however, were told afterward. It
was readily admitted that be was entirely
worthy of Sarah's band and heart.
" But, mamma," said Sarah, " how
would it look to other people for me to
have to give an answer in one short hour
only sixty minutes Jump at a hasty
chance and to think how my young
friends would jeer and laugh at me.
Wouldn't they tease me to death ? No,
ma, I can never face the music"
" But stop my child, and listen to mo.
There is not a young lady in the city that
would not jump at the offer made you.
Let them laugh. Girls must have some
thing to laugh at, but it won't hurt you.
Tell him yes, emphatically. If he were a
stranger whose antecedents were unknown
to us, however prepossessing in person and
manners, or profuse in his professions of
love, I would withhold my consent. But
we have long known him, his moral char
acter is without reproach, be is amiable,
kind hearted, and sincere, and a flno schol
ar, with an honorable position in the col
lege, and he makes no false pretences.
You know just what he is. What more
do you want?"
"But, mamma, I don't know that he
loves me, he hasn't even said so."
" O, well, daughter," never mind that.
Generally ; those who are the loudest in
their professions of love have least of the
pure article " You can teach him by ex
ample to love you. It is far better than
precept."
Leauing her head upon her mother's
bosom ; Barah said, in a submissive tone :
" Well, ma, just as you say I'll tell
him yes ; but although the hour isn't half
out, we'll not go down until the last min
ute of the hour."
At the expiration of the fifty-ninth min
ute they returned to the Professor and
papa, Sarah still blushing, but more
calm Uian before. Then, with a firmness
that astonished herself as well as her pa
rents, she extended her hand to the Pro
feasor and said :
"Yes, sir, if papa consents."
He gave his consent without hesitancy,
and it was readily agreed by all that the
wedding should take place a week from
that time. Then the Professor with his
usual calmness, conscious of having done
his duty, withdraw to report progress to
his friends.' '
Woll In duo tirao the Profossor wont to
the clerk for his license.' The clerk in
formed him that the law required a bond
and security in the sum of f 1,2(50, to be
void on condition that there was', no legal
objection to the proposed union of the two
persons named. The Profossor very prompt
ly replied r " Oh, never mind the bond,
Mr. Clerk ; I will pay f 1,100 down, and
will hand you the balance in a day or two."
After further explanation by the clerk, the
Professorsoon complied with the law and
obtained his license. ' ' , t . . . ; .
At the appointed time the wedding came
off in the best style In tho city, and ' the
company enjoyed the occasion with the
occasion with the greatest zest. The hours
flew like humming birds. As the 1 clock
struck twelve the Professor picked up his
hat and started for his boarding bouse!
His principal attendant, surmising his at
tention, followed to the front door and in
formed him that matrimonial' etiquette re
quired Mm to stay and board and lodge at
the house of his father-in-law until he and1
bis wife wished to live by themselves ;
that he would be furnished with a room
adjacent to Sarah's room, in order that, if
she happened to got thirsty, he might be
near to get her a drink of fresh water.
In the morning the bride and groom were
greeted with the smiles of the family, to
gether with those of some early callers,
and inquiries made if they had slept well.
Both responded that they had never slept
sounder in their lives, he adding with his
childlike simplicity, that he was happy to
say that Sarah did not call for water during
the whole night. That last remark was
quite a riddle to her, and she looked cu
rious, but said nothing, no one venturing
to ask him to rise and explain, ne did not
know it was a joke played on him until the
attendant told it as such to the company.
Finally the happy couple went to house
keeping, and never were man and wife
more heartily congratulated and more
highly esteemed than they ' ' were. They
were the favorites of the city. Never was
wife more lovely or husband more kind and
devoted, but he didn't know anything
about providing for the larder, only as
Sarah taught him. One little incident may
suffice to Illustrate. She' told him one day
to get some rice. Ho went immediately to
the store and told the clerk he -wanted to
get some rice. "How much?" inquired
the clerk. "Oh, not much." said the Pro
fessor, " I reckon three or ' four bushels
will do for the present." The clerk was
very sorry to say tbey had not so much on
hand, but that they would soon have more.
The clerk persuaded him to try to make
out for a few day with fifteen or twenty
pounds. Sarah and the olerk were not the
only ones who laughed over the incident.
He never called for the three or four bush
els afterward.
If the Profossor and his wife are still
living they must be well stricken iu years,
and if they see this brief sketch of their
early lives and find any errors in it, they
will pardon the writer. . . 1 -
Illggln's Dog. i ,
It was a great many years ago, at a
camp-meeting, that Brother Biggins, a
good man but passionately fond of dogs,
came in one day accompanied by a bktck-and-taa
hound. Somebody asked him to
address the congregation, and he mount
ed the stand for that purpose, while his
dog sat down on his haunches immediate
ly in front, looking at his master. In the
midst of the discourse, which entertained
ns much, another dog came up, and after
a few sociable sniffs at Brother Ulggln's
dog began to examine the hind leg of the
latter with bis teeth, apparently for the
purpose of ascertaining if it was tender.
An animated contest ensued, and one of
the congregation came forward for the
purpose of separating the animals. His
efforts were not wholly successful, ne
would snatch at the leg of Higgin'a dog,
but before bis hand got there the yellow
dog would be on that side, and would
probably take an incidental and cuusory
bite at the deacon's hand. Brother Hig
glns paused in his discourse acd watched
the deacou. Then he exclaimed, " Spit
in his eye, Brother Thompson; spit in the
hound's eye !" Brother Thompson did,
and the tight ended. " But I just want
to say," continued Mr. Kiggius, " that
outside of the sanctuary that dog of mine
can eat up any salmon-eolored animal iu
the State, and then chaw up the bones of
IU ancestors for four generations without
turning a hair! YouundersUnd me?"
The services pioceeied.