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TEMsr,rorYer, AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY NEWSPAPER. W.irS?
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Vol. VI. Nov Bloomflcld, Pa., Tuesday, Decombor 1(), 1873. IVo. 50.
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PEOPLE WILL TALE.
You may get through the world, hut 'twill be
veryelow,
If you listen to all that Is said as you go:
You'll be worried and fretted, and kept in a
stew,
For meddlesome tongues will have something
to do,
For people will talk.
If quiet and modest, you'll have It presumed
That your humblo position Is only assumed,
You're a wolf In sheep's clothing, or else
you're a fool;
But don't get excited, keep perfectly cool,
For people will talk.
If generous and noble, they'll vent out their
spleen;
You'll bear some loud hints that you're selfish
and mean i
If nprlght, honest, aud fair as the day,
They'll call you a roguo in a sly sneaking way,
For people will talk.
And then if you show the least boldness of
heart,
Or a slight Inclination to take your own part,
They will call you an upstart, conceited and
vain;
But keep straight ahead, don't stop to explain,
For people will talk.
If threadbare your dress, or old-futhloned your
bat,
Some one will surely take notice of that,
And hint rather strongly you can't pay your
own way;
But don't get excited, whatever they say,
For people will talk.
If you dress la the fashion, don't think to
escape,
For tbey criticise then 1n a different shape
You're ahead of your means, or your-tailor's
unpaid;
But mind your own business there's naught to
be made, .
For people will talk.
Now the best way to do is to do as you please;
For your mind, If you have one, will then be
at ease,
Of course you'll meet with all sorts of abuse;
But don't think to stop them 'twill be of no
use
For people will talk.
The Watchmaker's Story.
I SUPPOSE every man lias noma whims
I know I have. And I suppose one's
education lias something to do with one's
whims, fiiiue naa. it is now live years
since I hung out my sign ablg wooden
watch over the sidewalk on Slain street in
Cattaqua, Illinois. 1 uau served an ap
prenticeship with my father, who was a
jeweler in Chicago before the fire, nd the
old gentleman had " set mo up," as the
saying is, in a store of my own In Cattaqua,
There was nothing I enjoyed so much as
that sign. Every time I came to the store
I cast my eyes up and read:
W. H. IHVINO,
Watchmaker At Jeweler.
jLSut about my whims. ou don't car
about the sign. I have often thought that
if I was a literary man and was master of
literary style, if I had Lad half so much
practice at writing for the papers as I have
hod putting in main-springs, I could make
the history ofmy whim quite interesting,
But here I am talking about my sign aud
all the test. However, I am not a story
writer nor a story-teller, I hope, and
you'll have, to let rue get at that story of
my whim in my own way. It is as good
love story as I ever read. In fact I think
it is Letter. Bo does tuy wife. But then
everybody thinks his own the best, I sup
pose. I know mine is.
I had a faucy for carrying a watch that
would keen time. I do not mean a Swiss
watch that loses five minutes a week or a
month. Nor do I mean an English watch
that, like Captain Cuttle's, needs setting
ahead "fifteen minutes afore dinner and
fifteen minutes arter dinner nor an Irish
watch like the one that kept " thb best time
and the most of it of any watch in town."
got me a real machine-made watch I
don't think I had best tell what make, it
would bo advertising my watches in a love
tery ; and besides I am a doaler, and if I
tell which watch I chose, I should ollend
the ether manufacturers, I suppose, which
might not be the best thing in the way of
business.
But I regulated my watch carefully. I
do think it has a good effect on a man to
carry a watch that keeps good time. An
inaccurate watch always seemed to me a
liar, and I do not thiuk any lover of the
truth would carry one. I regulated my
watch until I brought the thing to a nice
point. It isn't best to tell you how little
it varried in a year. It would sound like
an exaggeration to you, and it would make
my story have a flavor of the shop, and 1
hate a man to bo always " talking shop."
My watch went boautifully, and I did
boast a little about it. I told the minister
about 4' once, how perfoctly that watch
kept timo, and he looked up at me with a
kindly Bmile and then said pleasantly : "I
hope you take pains to regulate your life
as carefully as you do the watch." That
word did me more good than all the ser
mons he had preached since I came to Cat
taqua. I could never look my dear friend,
the watch, ' in the face after that, without
seeming to hoar the question: " Bo you
regulate your life so . carefully?" Well, I
hope my life does not vary from the true
standard so much as it did ; but it isn't a
tract or a Sunday School book I am wri
ting, but a love story, if I ever got to it.
You see when I wrote to father at the
end of the first year, telling him how well
I was getting on, he wrote back to me that
I ought to get married. lie Baid I would
be a better man aud a happier one with a
good wife. And then he added this sen
tence: ''But do not take any woman not
full-jeweled." I knew what he meant.
He wanted me to be as careful not to be
imposed on by a sham in marrying as I was
not to be humbugged in a watch. But
how few women or men there are who have
all the jewels !
My father's letter set me to thinking
about marriage. Living a rather lonely
life, I amused myself by thinking what
sort of a woman my wife would be and
what I should do to make her happy. I
would give hor a watch, the very mate to
my own, a ladies' watch that would keep
time. Ladies' watches are such shams
generally ; good for show, nothing else.
So I picked out a watch of the same make
as my own, and amused myself with regu
lating it. - That was for my wife when I
should find her. 1'layiuiiy 1 told one or
two friends what I meant to do with my
ladies' watch, and the story got abroad.
It was a matter of no little bantering among
the girls who should have my " Lady El
gin." Some declared they did not want
it, and a great many asked to see it. Its
accuracy got to be talked about, and the
story helped trade, for half a dozen mar
ried gentlemen in the village provided their
wives with duplicates. But there ! I am
talking shop. '
My Lady Elgin became more and more
celebrated ; some, imagining that it must
be better than any other, endeavored U
buy it, but this I refused steadfastly, even
whon I was offered a premium for it,
would not begin by wronging my wife
while yet I did not even know who she
would be. I soon found that I could not
go into any company wfthout meeting all
sorts of allusions ta my wife a watch
When asked who the lady would be, I
always answered in the words of my fath
er, "a lady full-jeweled."- Some thought
by this I meant a rich wife, but others un
derstood it.
I am not one of those who think that
might have married any woman. Any
man who believes that of himself is a fool
and an egotist. But the very fact that this
watch was talked about made some of the
ladies' particularly anxious to oarry it off,
as It had become a sort of a prize to be
taken by competition. Sometimes a girl
weuld stop te see it, and talk about it, and.
blush in a way meant to hint to me that
she would like it. But I was determined
that none but a full-jeweled woman should
have it. And is not modesty a jewel ex
ceeding precious?
My business was even more prosperous
the second year than the first, for Cattaqua
was growing rapidly in consequence of the
location of Dodger Female College iu the
town, and the building ef the Perkinstown
Branch IX. Jl., which made our town a rail
way junction.
I thought more than ever of. marrying,
aud bad well nigh settled on Miss Sophie
Bonnett,a member of the senior class in the
Badger Female College, and the daughter
of Mr. Bennett, of the firm of Bennett &
Brown, dry goods merchants. Sophie is
handsome and a fine musician. She is well
educated, and she taught a class of girls in
the Sunday School of which I was Secretary
at that timo. I did admire her a great
deal, for she was a brilliant talker and
know a great deal more than I did. And
she had the art of winning. When I walk
ed home with her she managed to make the
conversation pleasant, and though she
knew so much more than I did about many
things, she never lot me feel it. She was
in every regard amiable. That is what
everybody called her.
She had a friend hardly so handsome as
she w as at least I thought not, Louisa
Jones was quite young yet, but she was
teaching iu the public schools in order to
help her father, who was poor. I mention
this Louisa Jones here because of a con
versation I overheard between hor and hor
friend Sophie Bennett. I had paid some
attention to the lattor, until I found that
people talked about it. Everybody's cu
riosity hod been excited by the talk about
my watch, and I could not walk home with
a young woman without starting a talk
about my Lady Elgin, bo I was careful not
to give too much attention to Sophie while
I was still undecided.
But one evening I had about made up
my mind. Fixing a watch for Mr. Bennott
set me to thiukiug on Sophie Bennett aud
all hor amiable ways and her fine scholar
ship. I thought I would go to the Church
sociable that very evening and go home
with Sophie, perhaps I should do more.
That watch would look well on her. But
I did not get Mr. Bonnet's watch done as
soon as I bad expected, on account of boiug
interrupted by customers buying present
for the holidays. . I had promised that the
watch should be ready in the morning, for
Mr. Bennott was to start to Chicago on the
half-past oight o'clock train to buy goods.
At last I finished the job, locked all my
valuables in the safe as quickly as possible
put suit the kerosene lamp it was before
the gas was introduced into the villagi
and hastened to the sociable, . hoping to
arrive in time to go home with Sophie Ben
nett. I must have pretty much made up
my mind before starting, for I remember
now and I blush when I remember it
that I did not lock the Lady Elgin iu the
safe that evening. I thrust it, chain and
all, into an inside pocket of my vest
cannot tell why I did it. I certainly had
no very distinct purpose of offering it to
Sophie ' Bennett that evening, and yet I
doubtless thought best to have it handy
It made my heart beat faster to feel it there
as I walked briskly toward the house
where the sociable was, for I had missed
the car. The street cars had just been
introduced at tliat time, and the ouly line
running was the one from the dopot to the
Female College, and it would have carried
me past the door, but that I had misssed
the car, aud there was no other one at that
time iu the evening for half an hour, so I
was obliged to walk through the lain. But
I had brought a largo umbrella. It is al
ways well to have a large umbrella when
you mean to share it with a lady.
I soon found that I was too lato for the
socia&e. The people were already going
homo. It was very dark aud raining
noticed two , yoiftig ladies pass and stop
within six feet of me, standing under an
umbrella together. I could not tell who
they were, it was so dark, and they evi,
duutly did not seo me at all 1 stood shel
tercd by the box which protected those
feeble maples that we prairie people plant
along our side-walks aud call shade trees.
I thought from their relative stature and
fiuure that they must be Sophie Bennett
aud Louisa Jones. As the Lady Elgin in
my pocket made my heart palpitate as
stood thore waiting to recognize their
voices and then make myBelf known to
theui. But by tbo time I had made sure
who they were I was so much interested
iu what they were saying that I was guilty,
for the first time .n my life, of eaves-drop,
ping. I shouldn't have listened if it had
not been for the watch in my inside vest
pocket. I was never a very impulsive man
and I confess that in this affair of the heart
I acted deliberately. 1 wanted a woman
full-jeweled, and it behooved me not te be
lii a hurry, and not to be dazzled by any
finery on the outside.
" It is a real shame, Louisa, that you
should do so much for your family.
wouldn't at your age. You ought to ex
pend every cent you earn in dressing."
It was Sophie speaking in her good natured
musical voice.
"But," answered the young school teach
er, " 1 am poor and my father is poor ; if
wore good clothes it would lie a sort of a
lio."
"O dear !" said Sophie Bhe had a most
charming wayaf saying "O dear," and
now it smote my heart a little "0 dear,
how honest you are I Why I come home
every day and dress up, and tako my school
books and go calling. I like people to
think that my nice clothes are my school
clothes."
Here the car going down came along and
they got in, but I walked back, not liking
to ride with them. And I put my hand
over the watch several times to be sure
that it was there. And wasn't I glad that
it was there?
I was called home during the Christmas
holidays. My father sent down a clerk of
his own, well acquainted with the business,
to take charge of my store. I did not have
to give him any directions except a warn
ing not to sell my Lady Elgin to anybody.
It so happened that in returning to Cat
taqua after Now Year's, I traveled in the
same car aud sat in the same scat with
Louisa Jones, the young school teacher,
who had been spending the holidays with
her parents at Aurora. Unsentimental as
I am, I liked her more and more, and I
heard several things about hor in the next
days which raised her .greatly in my estl
matiou, but which I cannot take time to
tell.
A week after New Year's she brought
in her watcu to nave it nxed. it was an
old silver English lover of her father's.
She asked how soon I could fix it, and I
told her that it would take four days, on
account of the work ahead of it. She look
ed disappointed. A. time piece is indis
pensable to a teacher, you know, so I of
fered to lend her a watch. I took down
one and put it back three times. Then
went to the show case, and with a tremu
lous band took up my Lady Elgin, first
removing the chain. She did not know
the watch, and so lot me fasten it to her
watch guard without suspicion.
Before night the absence of the watch
from theBhow case had been observed,
and all the girls sot themselves to find out
who wore it. Sophie Bennott was accused
of having it, and she managed to deny it
in such a way as to leave the impression
that she had it.
Early the next morning, in came Louisa
Jones. " Mr. Irving," Bhe said, "you have
made a mistake. I find in tbo back of this
watch an inscription which leads me to
think that you have given me what you
did not mean to." 1
Foreseeing that tuo conversation would
be a delicate one, I gave Tbemas, my ap
prentice, a letter . to mail, and then took
the watch and read the inscription in order
to gain time. I bad put on the insido of
the case a sentence I had heard the minis
ter quote: " A perfect woman nobly plan
ned' I liandod it back to her and said: "Mists
Jones, I made no mistake. I lent you that
watch on purpose."
" But you must see," she said strongly,
"that I cannot wear it on any account.'
"I do not see," I said smiling, and blush
ing, I fear.
" It would create a false impression.
" If you say that the impression it would
create would be false, I must take it back.'
' How could it be otherwise than false?'
she asked a little puzzled.
"I know of but one way," I said slowly,
"You know what the' impression mado
would bo. On ray part I wish that it might
be a true one. If you are agreed, it shall
be and you shall accept the watch and wear
it forever."
She was silent, holding tho watch and
turning it over absently, and growing ex
ceedingly rod. '
"Take time," I said. "Do not show
the inscription to any one. I will come
and see you about it whenever you say,
Shall it be this evoulug ?"
She nodded her head aud left
She has often told me that she did the
poorest teaching of her life that day,
does not matter. She has long since quit
teaching. But it took the gossips a long
time to find out who bad the watch. She
wears it yet ouly her name is not Jones
now.
f A Jersey editor get off the following
definition of a widow s " One who knows
what's what, and is desirous of furthor in
formation the same subjeot."
History of Noah.
' KY ARTEMITS WARD.
Noah's front name was Noah ; Noah's
last name was Flood.
Noah's wife's name was Mrs. Noah. She
was called by her nephews and nieces
Aunty Flood, which being interpreted,
means before tho Flood.
Noah had three sons Ham, Shem, and
Japhot.
Their playmates used to call them
Hem, Sham, and Jackass.
Ham, as tho name indicates, was a pork
butcher.
Shem, I am a Shcm'd to say, kept a faro
bank.
Japhet was let me sec, what was Japh-
et?oh, ycBl Japhet was in search of his
father.
Noah, in conjunction with Barnum, used
to keep a menagerie ou the European plan.
No reserved Beats."
One day it rained it rained the next
day, too in fact, it rained for a month.
Things were getting damp around No
ah's house, so Noah told his boys who
were dutiful children ; and, besides the .
fact of their being dutiful children, their .
father always carried a cane, to get out
the canal boat which laid in the barn, and
forthwith they mounted the house, on the
boat, and after getting the animals all
housed or boated they set sail.
The collection consisted of every kind
of animals. Ancient history says:
, "The animals went In two by two,
The monkey and the kangaroo-"
With many a sigh they left their former
home; but of what use, as Mrs. Noah re
marked, was ace high when there wore so
many jair$ around, which ttraight way
railed a fluih on Noah's face as he glanced
at the poker, Even the nephews and nieces
"went for" their aunty withuJ! handt.
The boat was fitted up gorgeously, each
family having separate apartments.
They never quarreled, yet being oppoeile
neighbors they all had adveree-areat.
Ancient history tells us that there was
every known kind or amniai in tne coai
when they started out on their expedition ;
but in, another chapter it distinctly con
tradicts itself, for it says that not until the
storm had abated did they hit on Ary-a-rat.
Whon the boat became a wreck on the
mountain, Noah became a wreck on the
shoro, and, reckoned he would sell out all
his right, title, Interest, etc., to Barnum,
who brought the animals to New York.
Bhylock was one of the animals which
Barnum saved from the wreck. Some peo
ple called it the timid hare. "
The lion and the lamb laid down to
gether.
It was, in reality, a happy family.
Everything was arranged so that all the
animals should return from the voyage just
as they had entered the boat'
For should the hateful wolf destroy the tender
lamb,
The ewe would not be worth one continental.
' Comic Advertisements.
The following have been from time to
time clipped from Irish papers: "One
pound reward. Lost, a cameo brooche
representing Venus aud Adonis on the
Drumcondra Koad, about 10 o'cleck ou
Tuesday evening." '
"The advertiser, having made au ad:
vautageous purchase, offers for sale, ou
very low terms, about sixty dozen of prime
port wine, lately the property of a gentle
man forty years of age, full iu the body,
and with a high bouquet."
"To be sold cheap, a mail phaeton, the
property of a gentleman with a movable
head, as good as new."
"To be sold, a splendid gray horso, cal
culated for a charg er, or would carry a lady
with a switch tail."
" Ten shillings reward. Lost by a gen
tleman, a white terrier dog, except the
head, which is black. To bo brought
to," etc. ,
To these Irish advertisements may be
added one English one, which was the sub
joot of a humorous article Intlie Saturday
Iteviete, some four or five years since: " To
be sold, an Erard grand piauo, the property
of a lady, about to travel in a walnut wood
case with carved logs.l' '
tlTVIsitor " How long has your inastei
been away?" ' -
' Irish footman "Well, soor, if he'd come
home yestherday,he'd been gone a wake to
moro' ; but if he doen't return the day
afther, shurd he'll beon away a fortnight
next Thursday." '
, tW If you court a young woman, and
you are won and she is won, you wilt both
be one.