1 ISP
AAA d k
JS!' AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY NEWSPAPER. "J?J?SJZ'
yol.y!,". v . New. Bloomfleld, Pa., Tuesday, September lO, 1873. IVo. 17.
M PUBLISHED SVERT TCX9DAY MORNING, BT
" rEANS MORTIMER & CO.,
At New Bloomfleld Terry Co., Pa.
Belntt provided with Bteam Power, and large
Cylinder and Job-rresnen, we are prepared
LMloall kinds ot Job-Frliitlng tu
good style and at Low l'rlce.
ADVERTISING BATK8I
TratmiMitH Cents per line for one Insertion.
19 " " two Insertions
15 " " "three Insertions.
Business Notices in Local Column 10 Cents
per line.
Notices of Marriages or Deaths inserted free.
Tributes of Respect, Ac, Ten cent per line.
YEARLY ADVERTISEMENTS.
Ten Lines Nonpareil one year . 110,00
Twenty lines " " " $18 00
VFor longer yearly adv'ts terms will be giveu
upon applleutlou.
Ode to Lawyers.'
The devil came to the earth oue day,
And unto a court-room wended his way,
Just as an attorney with very grave face
Was proceeding to argue the points In a case.
Now a lawyer his Majesty never had seen,
For to his dominions none ever had been j
And he felt very carious the reason to know
Why none had been sent to the regions below.
'Twas the fault of his agents, his Majesty
thought
Why none of these lawyers had ever been
caught
And for his own pleasure he had a desire
To come to the earth and the reason Inquire.
Well,tbe lawyer who rose with vlsago so grave,
Made out his opponent a consummate knave
And the old devil was muchly amused
To hear the attorney so greatly abnsed.
As soon as the speaker had come to a close,
The counsel opposing then fiercely arose,
And heaped such abuse on the head of the first
As made him a villain of all men the worst.
Thus they quarreled, contended, and argued so
long,
'Twas hard to determine the one that was
wrong j
And concluding he'd heard quite enough of
the "fuss,"
Old Nick turned away and soliloquised thus t
If all they have said of each other be true,
" The devil has surely been robbed of his due
I'm satisfied now, l'ts all very well,
These lawyers would ruin the morals of hell.
" They have puzzled the court with villainous
cavil.
And I'm free to confess, they have parried the
devil t
My agents are right to let lawyers go ball,
If I had them they'd swindle me out of my
tall."
A Stage Driver's Romance.
THE ooach of Wells, Fargo, & Co. stood
before the door of Piney woods station,
and Sam Rice the driver, was drawing on
his lemon-colored gloves with an air, for
Sam was tbe pink of stage drivers, from
bis high hat to his faultless French boots.
Sad wilt it be whon bis profession shall
have been entirely superseded; and tbe
ooach-and-slx, with its gracious and grace
ful wblp, shall have been supplanted, on
all tbe principal lines of travel by tbe iron
horse with its grimy driver and train of
thundering carriages.
Tbe passengers had taken theii Beats
the only lady on the box and Sam Rice
stood, chronometer held duly between
thumb and finger, waiting for the second
band to come around the quarter of a
minute, while the grooms slipped the last
strap of the harness into Its buckle. At
tbe expiration of a quarter of a minute,
as Sam stuck an unligbted cigar between
his lips and took bold of tbe box to pull
himself up to bis seat, tbe good natured
landlady of Pineywoods station called out
to him with some ofnclousness.
" Mr. Rice, don't you want a match ?"
" That's just what I've been looking for
these ten years," responded Bam; and at
that instant his eyes were on a level with
tbe lady's on the box, so that he could not
help seeing tbe roguish glint of them, which
so far disoonoertedtbe usually self possessed
professor of the whip that he heard not the
landlady's laugh, but, gathered up the
reins in such a heedless and careless man
ner as to cause Demon, the nigh leader,
to go off with such a bound that nearly
threw tbe owner of the eyes out of her
place. Tbe little flurry gave opportunity
. for Mrs. Dolly Page that was Uie lady's
name to drop her veil over her face, and
for Sara Rice to show his general hand
ling of tbe ribbons, and conquer tbe un
accountable disturbance of his pulse, r '
Sam had looked at tbe way-bill, not ton
minutes before, to ascertain tbe name of
tbe pretty black eyed woman seated at bis
loft hand; and the consciousness of so gieat
a curiosity gratified may have augmented
his accustomed embarrassment. Certain
it is Sam Rice had driven six horses on a
ticklish mountain for four years, without
missing a trip; and had more than once en
countered the "road agents," without ever
yet delivering them an express box; he had
old and young ladies, plain and beautiful
ones, to sit beside him hundreds of times;
yet this was tbe first time he had consulted
the way-bill on his own account to find tbe
lady's name. This one time too, had a
Afri. before it, which prefix gave him a
pang which he was very unwilling to own.
On the other hand Mrs. Dolly Page was
dressed in extreme doep black. Could
she be in mourning for Mr. Page ? If De
mon bad an unusual number of stalling fits
that afternoon, his driver was not altogeth
er guiltl ess in tbe matter; for what horse
so sensitive as be, would not have felt tbe
mngnotism of something behind him ?
But as the mocking eyes kept behind the
veil and the rich, musical voice uttered not
a word through a whole half hour which
seemed an age to Sam, he finally recover
ed himself so far as to say he believed he
could not smoke, after all, and thereupon
returned his cigar, still unligbted to his
pocket.
"I hope you do not deprive yourself of
a luxury on my account," murmured the
soft voice.
"I guess this dust and sunshine is
enough for a lady to stand, without smok
ing in herj face," returned Sara politely,
and glancing at the veil.
" Still, I beg you will smoke if you are
accustomed," persisted tbe cooing voice be
hind it. But Sam, to his praise be it spok
en, refused to add anything to the dis
comforts of a summer day's ride across tbe
mountain. : Ilis chivalry had its reward;
for tbe lady thus favored, feeling constrain
ed to make some return for such consider
ation, began to talk, in a vein that delight
ed her auditor, about horses their points
and their traits and lastly about their
drivers.
"I have always fanoied," said Mrs.
Dolly Page, " that if I were a man I should
take to stage driving for a profession. It
seems to me a free and manly calling, one
that develops some of tbe best qualities of
a man. Of course it has its drawbacks.
One cannot always choose one's society on
a stage, and there are temptations to bad
habits. Besides there are storms, and
upsets, and all that sort of thing. I've
often thought." continued Mrs. Dolly,
" that we don't consider enough the hard
ships of drivers, nor what we owe them."
"I shall like my profession better after
what you have said of it," answered Sam,
giving the whip a curl to make it touch
the off leader's right ear. " I've done my
duty mostly, and not complained of the
hardships, though once or twice I've been
too beat out to get off my box at tbe end
of tbe drive; but that was in a long spell of
bad' weather, when tbe roads were just
awful, and the rain as cold as sno w."
"Would you let me hold tbe lines
awhile f" asked the cooing voice, at last.
I've driven a six in band before.
Though decidodly startled, and averse to
trusting his team to such a pair of hands,
Sam was compelled, by tbe physio force of
the little woman, to yield up the reins. It
was with fear and tembling that he watch
ed her handling of them for the first mile;
but, as if she seemed to knew what she was
about,hls confidence Increased and be watch
de her with admiration. Her veil was now
up, her eyes sparkling and her cheeks
glowing. She did not speak often, but
when she did, it was always something
piquant and graceful that she uttered. At
last, just as tbe station was in sight, she
yielded up the lines with a deep drawn
sigh -of satisfaction, apologizing for it by
saying, that ber hands not being used to
it, were tired. " I'm not sure," she added,
but I shall take to tbe box at last as a
steady thing."
"If you do," responded Sam, gallantly,
" I hope you will run on my line."
" Thanks, t shall ask you for a refer
ence, when I apply for a situation."
There was a halt, a supply of fresh
horses, and a prompt, lively start But
the afternoon was intensely hot, and tbe
team soon sobered down. Mrs. Page did
not offer again to take the lines. She was
overwarm and weary, Mr. Rice was quiet,
too, and thoughtful. Tbe passengers in
side were asleep., The coach rattled along
at a steady pace, with the dust so deep
undr tbe wheels as to still the rumbling,
At intervals a freight train was passed
drawn to one side, at a "turnout," or a
rabbit skipped across the road, or a solitary
horseman suggested alternately a "road
agent," or one of James' heroes. Grand
views presented themselves of wooded
cliffs and wild ravines. Tall pine trees
threw lengthening shadows across the open
space on tbe mountain sides. And so tbe
afternoon wore away; and, whon the sun
was sitting the passengers alighted for
their supper at Lucky Dog a mining
camp pretty well up tbe Sierras.
"We both stop here," said Sam as he
helped the lady down from her high po
sition; letting her know by this remark
that her destination was known to blm.
" I'm rather glad of that," she answered
frankly, with a smile, and considering all
that had transpired on the long drive, Sam
was certainly pardonable if he felt almost
sure that her reasons for being glad was
the same as his own.
Lucky Dog was one of those shambling,
new cam ps, where one street serves for a
string on which two or three dozen ill as
sorted tenements are strung, every fifth
one intended for the relief of the universal
American thirst, though the liquids dis
pensed at these beneficent institutions were
absorbed rather to provoke than to abate
the dryness of their patrons. Eating
bouses were even more frequent than those
which dispensed moisture to parched
throats ; so that, taking a cusrory view of
the windows fronting on the street the im
pression was inevitably conveyed of an ex
pected rush of famished armies, whose
wants this charitable community were only
too willing to supply, for a sufficient con
sideration. The houses that were not eat
ing or drinking houses were hotels, if we
except occasional grocery and general mer
chandise establishments. Into what out-of-the-way
corners tbe inhabitants were
stowed it was impossible to conjecture,
until it was discovered that the men lived
at tbe place already inventoried, and the
women abode not at all in Lucky Dog or
if there were any, not more than half a
dozen of them and they lived in unaccus
tomed places.
Tbe advent of Mrs. Page at the Silver
Brick Hotel naturally made a sensation.
An assemblage of not less than fifty gentle
men of leisure crowded about tbe en
trance, each more Intent than the other on
getting a look at the arrivals, and espec
ially at this one arrival whose age, looks,
name, business, and intentions in coming
to Lucky-Dog were discussed with great
freedom. Sam Rice was closely questioned
but proved reticent and non-committal.
The landlord was beselged with inquiries
the landlady, too and all without any
body being made much the wiser. There
was the waybill, and there was tbe lady
herself; put that and that together, and
make what you can of it
Mrs. Dolly Page did not seem discom
posed in the least by the evident interest
she Inspired. With her black curls smooth
ly brushed, ber black robes immaculately
neat, with a pretty color in her round
cheeks, and a quietly absorbed expression
in her whole bearing, she endured the con
centrated gaze of fifty pairs of eyos during
the whole dinner, without so much as one
awkward movement, or the droppln g of a
fork or teaspoon. So it was plain that the
ourlous would be compelled to await Mrs.
Page's own time for developments.
. But developments did not seem likely to
come overwhelmingly. Mrs. Page made a
fast friend of the landlady of the Silver
Brick by means of little household arts pe
culiarly her own, and, before a fortnight
was gone, had become as lvnaluable to all
the boarders as she was to Mrs. Shaugh-
nessy herself. If she had a history, she
kept it carefully from ourlous ears. Mrs.
Shaughnessy was evidently satisfied and
quite challenged oritioism of her favorite,
Indeed there was nothing . to criticise. It
was generally understood that she was a
widow, who had to get on In the world as
best she eould, and thus the publlo sympa
thy was secured, and an embargo laid upon
gossip. To be sure, there were certain men
in Lucky-Dog, of a class which has Its rep.
resentatives everywhere, who regarded all
unappropriated women, especially pretty
ones, very muoh as the hunter regards
game and the more difficult the approach
the more exciting tbe chase. But these
moral Nlmrods bad not half the chauoe
with self-possessed Mrs. Dolly Page that
they would have bad with a different style
of women. The grosser sort got a sudden
dismissal; with the more refined sports
man she ' coquetted just enough to show
them that two could play at a game of
" make believe," and then sent them off
with m lofty scorn edifying to behold to
the mingled admiration and amusement of
Mrs. Shaughnessy.
The only affair which seemed to have a
kernel of seriousness in it was that of Mr.
Samuel Rice. Regularly, when the stage
was in, on Sam's night, be paid his re
spects to Mrs. Page. And Mrs. Page al
ways received him with a graceful friendli
ness, asking after .the horses; and even
sometimes going so far as to accompany
him to their stables. On these occasions
she never failed to curry several lumps of
sugar in her pocket which she fed to tbe
handsome brutes off ber own pink palm,
until there was not one of them she could
not handle at her will.
Thus passed many weeks, until summer
was drawing to a close. Two or three
times she had gone down to Pineywoods
Station and back on Sam's coach and al
ways sat on the box, and drove a part of
the way, but never where ber driving could
excite remark. It is superfluous to state
that on these occasions there was a happy
heart beneath Sara's linen duster, or that
the bantering remarks of his brother dri
vers were borne with smiling equanimity
not to say pride, for Sam was well aware
that Mrs. Dolly Page's brunette beauty and
his blonde bearded style were personal
charms. Besides, Sam's motto was "Let
those laugh who win," and he seemed to
himself to be on the road to heights of
happiness beyond the ken of ordinary mor
tals especially ordinary stage drivers.
" I don't kalkelato to drive stage more
than a year or two longer," Sam said to
Mrs. Page confidently, on the return from
their last trip together to Pineywoods Sta
tion. " I've got a little place down in
Amador and an interest in tbe Nip-and-tuck
gold mine, besides a few hundred in
in the bank. I've a notion to settle down
some day, in a cottage with vines over tho
porch, with a little women to tend the
flowers itt the front garden.
As if Sam's heightened color and shining
eyes had not sufficiently pointed this con
fession to his desires, it chanced that at
this moment the eyes of both were attract
ed to a wayside picture, a cottage, flower
bordored walk, a fair young woman stand
ing at the gate with a crowing baby in her
arms lifting its little white hands to tbe
sun-browned face of a stalwart young far
mer who was smiling proudly on the two.
At this sudden apparition of his inmost
thoughts Sam's heart gave a bound, and
there was a simultaneous ringing in his
ears. Ills first instinctive act was to crack
his whip so fiercely as to set tbe leaders off
prancing and when by this diversion he had
partly recovered self possession to glance
at tbe face of his companion, a new em
barrassment seized him when he discovered
two little rivers of tears running over the
crimsoned cheeks. But a coach-box is not
a convenient place for sentiment to display
itself ; and, though the temptation was
great to inquire into the cause of the tears,
with a view of offering consolation, Sam
prudently looked the other way, and main
tained silence. The reader, however, knows
that those tears sank into tho beholder's
soul, and caused to gorminate countless
tender thoughts and emotions which were
on some future occasion to be laid upon the
alter of his devotion to Mrs. Dolly Page.
And none the less that, In a few minutes,
the eyes that shed them resumed their roug
ish brightness, and the lady was totally
unconscious of having hoard, seen or felt
any embarrassment Sentiment between
them was put aside so far as utterance
wa soonoerned, for that time. And so Sam
found somewhat to his disappointment, it
continued to fall out that, whenever he got
on delicate ground, the lady was off like a
bumming bird, darting hither and yon, so
that it was impossible to put a finger upon
her, or to get so much as a look at her bril
liant and restloss wings. But nobody ever
tired of trying to find a humming bird at
rest : and so Sam never gave up looking for
tbe opportune moment of speaking his
mind.
Meanwhile Lucky Dog Camp was hav
ing a fresh sensation. Au organized band
of gamblers, robbers and "road agents"
had made a swoop upon its property of va
rious kinds, and had succeeded in making
off with it The very night after the ride
above mentioned the best horses in Sam
Rice's team were stolen, making it necessa
ry (to substitute what Sam called " a pair
of ornery oayuses." To put the climax to
his misfortunes, the " road agents" ' at
tacked htm next morning when the "ornery
oayuses," becoming unmanagable, Sam was
forced to surrender his treasure box and
the passengers their bullion. The exoite-
ment in Lucky-Dog was intense. 1 A vigi
lance committee, secretly organized, lay in
waiting for the offendosr, and after a week
or two made a capture of a well-known
sporting man, whose presence in camp had
for some time been regarded with suspicion.
Short shrift was afforded him. That same
afternoon this gentlemanly person swung
dangling from a gnarled pine tree limb and
his frightened soul had flod into outer dark
ness.
When this event became known to Mrs.
Page she turned ghostly white, and then
fainted dead away. Mrs. Shaughnessy was
very much concerned for her friend, bera
ting in round terms the brutisbness of
people who could talk of such things be
fore a tender hearted lady -like that. To
Mr. Rice especially, she expatiated upon
the coarseness of some people, and the re
fined sensitiveness of others, and Bam was
much inclined to agree with her, so far as
her remarks applied to her friend, who had
not yet recovered sufficiently to be visible.
At length she made her appearance con
siderably paler and thiner than was her
wont, but doubly interesting and lovely to
so partial an observer as Sam, who would
willingly have sheltered her weakness in
his strong arms. Sam, naturally enough,
would never have hinted at tbe event which
had so distressed her; but she relieved blm
from all embarrassment on the subject, by
saying to him almost at once : Concluded
next week.
The Stray Mule.
At a meetingin a frontier wesstern settle
ment severaljpresent were stoutly opposed to
the organization of a Sunday school. Not
being able to agree, the meeting was break
ing up, when the chairman said he bad a
very important notice to read to them.
Quiet was soon restored to hoar the rather
novel "religious notice."
" Strayed A large black mule. lie had
on a halter when be left, and is branded
on the left hip with the letter S. Any one
returning said mule will be liberally re
warded." Tbe keen Sunday-School Union mis
sionary quiokly announced that be had a
very important notice to give out.
"Strayed A number of boys from
their homes, near this place, this Sunday
morning. They bad guns and fishing poles
on their shoulders when they left. They
are branded by a holy God, as Sabbath
breakers. Any one returning said boys,
and placing them in a Sunday school, will
be liberally rewarded at the day of judge
ment." The tact of that missionary carried the
vote in favor of a Sunday school, and those
boys were duly " returned" to it.
Artificial Eye.
A Frenoh paper gives a detailed aoooun t
of the manufacture of false eyes in Paris,
from whioh the curious fact appears that
the average sale per weok of eyes, intend
ed for the human head, amounts to 400.
One of the leading dealers in this artiole
carries on the business in a saloon of great
magnificence; his servant has but one eye,
and the effect of any of the eyes wanted by
customers is conveniently tried In this
servant's head, so that the customers can
judge very readily as to the appearance it
will produce in his own head. The oharge
Is about $10 per eye, For the poor there
are second hand visual organs which have
been worn for a time, and exchanged for
new ones; they are sold at reduced prices,
and quantities are sent off to India and the
Sandwich Islands.
Not Enough Girls to go Round.
It is reported that the complete census
returns of the United States for 1870 gives
us these startling statistics of our popula
tion: Men and boys
Women and girls..,,
, ...19,493,665
, 19,004,806
Surplus of men and boys 428,859
A surplus of 438,850 men and boys is
something really startling when it is con
sidered that Adam and Eve, one man and
one woman is the law of the oreatlon. But
as in the chapter of accidents there are
more fatalities among boys than girls, and
more widows than widowers, and more old
maids than old bachelors, our surplus of
men and boys is In the infantile, and not in
the adult population.
tlTA Vermont farmer was startled while
hoeing corn, recently, by seeing a rhinoce
ros coming toward him, plowing a furrow
like a steam plow with his horn. The far
mer, who relies on the Tribunt for his
agricultural knowledge took it for a potato
bug of the new stylo, but the arrival of a
party of showman in searoh of the insect
explained things.