4
Stlje imc0, Him Bloomfieltr, Ja.
ENIGMA UKPABTME NT
Geographical Enigma.
I am composed of 13 letters i
My 1, 13, 4 and 2 Is the name of a lake.
My 6, 11, 12, and 13 la tbe name of a town In
this Btato.
My 2, 10, 5 and 7 Is the name of a town lb New
England. '
My 3, 8, 19 and 5 Is the name of a town in
Europe.
My 13, 4, and 9 Is the name of a wcstorn river.
My 0,4, 6, Sand 8 Is the name of a county In
this State. ' '
My whole Is the name of a town and the
State In which It Is located.
t3y"Answor to Enigmas In lost week's
Times i
Square Word Enigma No. 1 1
WASP
AGUE
SURE'
PEEP
Cross-word Enigma No. 2 IIahrisbukg.
Geographical Enigma, No. 3 Thomas Jsr-
FBRSON.
The Fortune of Law.
I WAS chatting ouo day with an old
schoolfellow of mioo, who, though
young, was a barrister of some eminence,
when the conversation turned upon his
own career.
"People," he said, "give me credit for
much more than I deserve. They compli
ment me on having attained my position
t talent, and sagacity, and all that; but
tho fact is, I have been an extremely lucky
man-I mean as regards opportunities. The
only thing for which I can really con
sider myself entitled to any credit is, I
have always been prompt to take advan
tage of them.
"But," I observed, "you have a high
reputation for legal knowledge and
acumen. I heard several persons speak in
terms of great praise of the manner in
which you havo conducted some of your
lato cases."
"Ah ! yes," he returned; " when a man
is fortunate, tho world soon finds flno
things in him. There- is nothing like gild
ing to hide imperfections and bring out
excellence. But I will give you one in
stance of what I call my luck. It happen
ed a year or two ago, and before I was
quite as well known as I am now; it was a
trivial thing in itself, but very important
in its consequences to me, and has ever
since been very fresh in my memory. I
had been retained on behalf of a gentleman
who was defendant in an action of debt,
brought against him by a bricklayer, to
recover tho amout of the bill, stated to be
duo for building work done on the gentle
man's premises. The ownor refused pay
ment on the ground that a verbal contract
had been made for the execution of the
work, at a price less by one-third than tho
nmout claimed. Unfortunately he had no
witnesses to the fact. The man denied the
contract, alleged that no specification had
been made, and pleaded, finally, that if
such contract had been entered into, it was
vitiated by alterations, to all of which ho
was prepared to swear, and had his as
sistant also ready to certify the amount of
labor and maUnial expended. I gave my
opinion that it was aiiopoloss case, and
that the defendant hod better agree to a
compromise than incur any further ex
pense. However, he would not, and I was
fain to trust to tho chapter of accidents for
any chance of success.
" Near the town where the trial was to
take place lived a friend of mine, who,
after the first day's assizo, carried me off
in his carriage to dine and sleep at his
house, engaging to drive me over next
morning in time for this case, which stood
next on the list. Mr. Tritten, the gentle
man in question, was there also, and we
had another discussion as to the prospects
of his defence. " I know tho follow," said
he " to be a thorough rascal, and it is be
cause I feel so confident that something
will come out to prove it, that I am de
termined to persist." I said I hoped it
might be so, and we retired to rest.
" After breakfast, the next mornlg, my
host drove over in his dog-cart to the assize
town. We wore just entering the outskirts
when, from a turning down by tho old inn
and posting-house, where the homo was
usually put up, there came running towards
us a lad pursued by a man, who was
threatening him in a savage manner. Find
ing himself overtaken the lad, after the
enstom of small boys in such circumstan
ces, lay down, curling himself up, and
holding his bauds clasped over his head.
The man approached, and after beating
him roughly with his fist, and trying to
pull bim up without success, took hold of
the collar of the boy's coat, and knocked
his head several times on the ground. We
were just opposite at the moment, and my
friend bade him let the lad alone, and not
to be such a brute. The follow scowled,
and telling us, with an oath, to mind our
own business, for the boy was his own, and
he had a right to beat hlra if he pleased,
walked off, and his victim scampered away
in the opposite direction.
" The dog-cart was put up, and we pres
ently w ent on to the court. Tho case was
opened In an offhand stylo by the opposite
council, who characterised the plea of a
-contract as a shall ow evasion, and called
the plaintiff as his principal witness. ' What
was my surprise to see get into the box the
very man whom we bad beheld hammer
ing the boy's head on the curb-stone an
hour before I An idea occurred to me at
the moment, and I half averted rhy face
from him ; though, indeed, it was hardly
likely he would recognise me under my
forensic wig. Ho gave his evidence in a
positive defiant sort of way, but very
clearly and decisively. He had evidently
got his story well by heart, and was de
termined to stick to it. I rose and mado
a show of cross-examining him, till 1 saw
that he was getting irritated, and denying
things in a wholesale style. He had been
drinking, too, I thought, just enough to
make him insolent restless. So, after a few
more important and questions, I asked him
in a casual tone
"You are married, Mr. Myers?"
" Yes, I am."
" And you are A kind husband, I sup
pose ?"
" I suppose so ; what then ?"
" Have any children blossed your union,
Mr. Myers?"
"The plaintiff's counsol hero called on
the judge to interfere The questions
were irrelevant and impertinent in the
matter in question.
" Pve a boy and a girl."
" Pray, how old are they ?"
" The boy's twelve, and tho girl's nine,
I b'liove."
" Ah 1 Well, I suppose you are an af
fectionate father, as well as a kind bus
band. You are not in the habit of beating
your wifo and children, are you?"
" I don't see what business it is of yours.
No ! I ain't."
" You don't knock your son about, for
example?"
" No ! I don't." (He was growing down
right savage, especially as the people in the
court began to laugh.)
" You don't pummel him with your fist,
oh ?"
"No II don't."
" Or knock his head on tho ground in
this manner?" (audi rapped the table
with my knuckles.)
" No 1 (indignnntly.)
" You nover did such a thing?"
"No!"
" You swear to that?"
" Yes !"
"All this time I had never given him an
opportunity of seeing my face; I now
turned towards him and said
" Look at me, sir I Did you ever see me
before?"
He was about to say "No" again; but
all at once he stopped, turned very white,
and mado no answer.
" That will do," I said: "Btaud down,
sir. 'My lord, I will prove to you that this
witnoss is not to bo believed on his oath."
" I then related what I had seen that
morning, and putting my friend, who had
been sitting behind mo all the while, into
tho witness-box, he of course confirmed the
statement.
" The court immediately decided that
the man was unworthy of belief, and the re
sult was a verdict for tho defendant, with
costs, and a severe reprimand from the judge
to Myers, who was very near being com
mitted for perjury. But for the occurrence
of the morning, the decision would evident
ly been against us. As I said before, it
was in a double sense fortunate for me, for
it was tho means of my introduction,
through Mr. Tritten, to an influential and
lucrative connection."
The Bullied Lawyer.
At a late sitting of the Court Assizes a
case was brought before the court in which
tho principal witness for tho defence was
a tanner, well known iiftho surrounding
country by the sobriquet of "Crazy Pat."
Upon Crazy Put being called for his
evidence, the attorney for the p rosecution
exerted to tho utmost extent his knowledge
of legal chicanery in the endeavor to force
it into some inconsistency, upou which ho
might build a point ; but lie was excessively
annoyed to find that Crnzy Pat's evidence
was consistent throughout.
Perceiving that acute questioning failed
to answer his purpose tho disciple of Coke
and Blackstono betook himself to the
often -times successful rosource of a lawyer
ridicule. . '
"What did you say your name was?"
he inquired flippantly. '
" Folks call me Crazy Pat, but"
"Crazy Pat, eh 1 A - very euphonious
title ; quite romantic, eh?"
" Romantic or not, sur, it wudn't be a
bad idea if the Parliament wud give it to
yourself an' choso leave me have another."
This caused a slight lough In the court
room, and the presiding judge peeping over
his spectacles at Hie - attorney, as much as
to say, " You have your match now."
"And what did you say your trade
was?" continued the disconcerted barrister
with an angry look at the witness. '
"I'm a tanner, sur." ' ;
" A tanner, eh ? And how long do you
think it would take to tan an ox ?"
"Well, sur, that's latiroly wlu' to cir
cumstances." '
" Did you ever tan the hide of an ass?"
"An ass? No sur ; but if you'll just
step down the lane, after court, I'll show
ye I can tan the hide of an ass in the short
end of three minutes." "'
A Landlord Sold.
A LANDLORD by the name of Screw
ler had managed to have tho stage
stop at his house for the passengers to
dine, by allowing tho driver, Lewis, a flp a
head for each dinner oaten, and the assur
ance that Lew's grog should not cost him
a cent; but as the tavern was ten miles
from Parkor's, where the passengers had
formerly dinod, and they did not reach it
till half-past threo, the landlord discovered
that, with the per centage to Lewis, and
the keen appetites of the passengors, who
had tasted nothing from six o'clock, he was
"advancing backwards" instead of improv
ing his purse by the operation.
Tho two worthios hold a consultation,
in which it was agreed that Lewis should
be behind his time in arriving and the
landlord late with his dinner, so that as
soon as they had fairly commenced oper
ations the horn should be blown and the
passengers hurried off on the plea that the
stage could wait no longer.
Tliis game was played for some time
with success; the hungry passengers grum
bled; scolded Low for an hour or so each
day; but he pocketed the fipt and laughed
in his sleeve.
It happened about this time, that as the
grumbling passengers were about leaving
Parker's, the old dining house, a stout,
hearty-looking man, comfortably dressed,
presented himself at the coach door and
took a vacant place on the middle seat.
There were three ladies on the back seat,
three men on the front scat, and now, that
an additional passengei had been J taken in,
three on tho middle seat, making it a full
stage load. The new .passcngor was quite
chatty and sociable, and well acquainted
with men and things, and full of anecdotes.
He proved quito an agreeable companion.
But even his versatility and good nature
failed to interest his fellow-sufferers long.
Hunger was too keen.
At last Screwler's fifth-rate house was
reached, and after a long and tantalizing
delay dinner was announced. The gentle
men with ladies had barely found . time to
help them, and then got cleverly a going
themselves to the tune of the fork, when
" Too-too-too-oto-o !" rang tho driver's
horn at the door of the dining-room, fol
lowed by his loud:
" Coach right off, gentlemen I Take
your seats, quick 1"
Up sprang the passengers and scrambled
off, some swearing and some too much
under the fear of being left behind to think
of any thing else but to get inside the
stage.
But there was one among them who was
so much engaged that he did not scorn to
hear or see anything of all this until another
blast rang into tho door and the landlord,
Screwier, touched him on the shoulder,
with: "The stage is going, sir."
" But I've not half finished my dinner
yet," returned the passenger, who proved
to be the one taken in at Parkor's, looking
up in surprise and sputtering forth portions
of food from his well-filled mouth as' he
spoke.
" I'm sorry for that sir," returned Screw
ier, blandly. " But I can't help it. The
driver will be off in a moment. He is be
hind his time now, and must bo in by a
certain hour, or he will be discharged."
" Too-too-too-too-o-o-o 1" screamed tho
horn, louder than usual, followed by
" All-on-board 1" from the driver, who
instautly disappeared.
" He's getting on his box now, sir, and
will start in a moment," urged tho land
lord. "And I'vo paid for my dinner ! Too
bad, too bad ! Well, hand me back my
money; I never pay for what I Jdo not re
ceive." " I can't do that, sir. Sorry for you, but
tho fault is not mine. ' My dinner has all
been prepared, and you're wclcomo to eat
it."
As matters rao thus pressing, the pas
senger did not stop long to parley, . Draw
ing from his pocket a clean white handker
chief neatly folded fts it had left the ironing
tab!e.ho hastily spread it opeu on the table,
and turning into it a fresh dish of boiled
eggs, then two or three plates of bread,
with sundry little uicknackeries, ho tied it
up quickly muttering to himself all the time
in an under tone. Then seizing a turkey
in ouo hand, two roasted chickens and his
well-filled handkerchief in the other, lie
bowed to the landlord and said
" Good-day, sir I I'll finish my dinner on
the road I" " '
Bcrewler was too much surprised and
confounded to interfere. ''
Thus equipped, the passenger made his
apjtearauce at the coach door, and crowding
in, took his place on the middle seat; the
ladies twittered, the men laughed or look
ed grave according to their humor, but our
hungry passenger seemed in no way dis
concerted. ' ' ':'' ' ' ":) ''
" Won't you have a dish, and knife and
fork 1" asked the landlord, who had re
covered his senses, and came forward, a
few moments after the traveller had taken
his seat, with the articles, presenting them
as he spoke with a mock, polite air, intend
ing to dash our hero. - But he was not to
be thrown off his guard, ,4
' "Thank you kindly 1" ho said, bowing
as he received the dish and carving instru
ments. " I had forgotten these."
, As soon as the pair of chickens and the
turkey were adjusted on the spaoious dish,
which the landlord already repented hav
ing put in the incorrigible traveler's way,
the latter sang out at the top of his voice:
" All right, driver! Go ahead 1"
Crack went the whip, and off rolled the
stage, leaving Boniface vexed, angry, and
and yet amused at the ludicrousuess of
the wbolo scene. '
As for passengos, all shrank instinctively
from the bread, meat, etc., which had been
so liberally provided, while the ladies turn
ed up their pretty little noses, and ejacu
lated in a soft, low vpice:
"Disgusting!"
" nold on hero stranger, will you !" said
he of the chickens and turkey, " this con
founded stage jolts at such a rato that I
can't carve my turkey." Indicating with
his fingers as he spoke, on one side of the
the spacious dish upon whioh reposed his
provender.
The individual thus addressed could do
no less than obey tho request; and then the
samo was made to his other Neighbor who
lent tho required aid.
" And now, stranger, do you hold this
bread bag !" extending his clean, well-filled
handkerchief to a passenger before him.
Ho was, in answer to this request, politely
relieved of his bread, eggs, etc.
The dish was now supported on his knees
and firmly held there by his next door
neighbor, who began to enjoy the joke, as
did most of his other fellow-passengers.
In dissecting the turkey and pair of chick
ens, under all the disadvantageous circum
stances, he showed himself a skillful carver.
Tho different parts were nicely separated,
and laid about the dish neatly and quite
temptingly. By this time tho odor of the
fowls had awakened into keenness the un
satisfied appetites of the whole company,
who were only waiting for an invitation to
help themselves. In carving, the- accom
plished stranger had surrounded the edge
of the dish with the pieces of turkey and
chicken leaving quite a space in the centre.
Into this ho emptied the contents of the
pocket-handkerchief, consisting of a dozen
or so of boiled eggs, with bread.
"Now, ladies," ho said, lifting the dish
and partly turning around so that it rested
on tho taut leathern strap that formed the
movable back of the scat, and thus was
fully presented to them. " Help your
selves, I know you are hungry."
The ladies looked at the tempting exhi
bition, colored and hesitated.
"Don't be afraid," he urged. "Nocos
ity knows no law."
Tho temptation was too great for one
hungrier than the rest, who, hesitating no
longer, took tho wing of a chicken in one
hand and a piece of bread in tbe other, and
forthwith commenced operations, not how
ever before she had smiled, bowed, and
said a courteous "Thank you, sir."
The other two ladies followed suit quite
naturally, thou tho men went to work in
right good earnest, nor paused until turkey,
chicken, bread, eggs, and all had vanished.
Of course, the sauce for all this was good
humor, jokes and funny sayings in no
small quantity. After the eatables had
fully disappeared the empty dish was cast
overboaid, and all hands composed them
selves, in the best temper possible, with
themselves, each other, and all the world,
Boniface not excepted.
Two hours and a half afterwards the
stage brought up nt Grimes' for tea. For
some time past the late dinner arrange
ments had not affected the appetites of the
passengers as it had dune at first, much
to the surprise of the landlord and ' agent,'
aud not a little to his regret. On this oc
casion, however, bis guests seemed more
inclined to laugh than to cat, and finally
left the table, after having taken only one
cup each, with " fixings" in proportion.
The secret of this leaked out before the
stage moved, to tho great merriment of
Grimes and the coterie in his bar-room, to
whom one of the passengers related tho
joke. Among these was the editor of a
country papor. , .. .
On the next morning tho whole story ap
peared in print, with names, places, and
all detailed with much humor. This ac
count, Parker, who most people thought
knew about as much of tho whole mutter
as anyliody, had put, into tho form of a
bund bill, two or three of which were cir
culated among the passengers in every
stago. Of course Screwier became aware
of this fact, and did not. venture again to
cheat tho passengors out of their dinner
whon they consented to eat at all. But it
happened two or three times a week that
a whole stage load would refuse to diuo
with him, and thus lie came off the loser.
Filially he abandonedthe profitless busi
ness of dining the stages, aud fell back into
bis old ways.
tW There are many fruits which never
turn sweet until the frost bat lain upon
them. Thore are many nuts that ' never
full from the boughs of the forest trees till
the frost has opened 'and ripened them.
And there are many elements of life that
never grow sweet and beautiful until sor
row troubles them.
' tW Beware of pretending to such a de
gree of purity as to cease regarding thyself
a sinner. r : .
Farmers Take Notice,
rjlHE subscriber offers for Sale
THRESHING MACHINES. JACKS and HOR8E-'
POWER,
With Tumbling Shaft, and Side-Oearing, Warrant
ed to give satisfaction In speedy and perfect
threshing, light draft and durability, on reasona
ble terms. Also
P JL, O TJ G II H
Of Superior Make.
CORN SHELLKRS, . , , .
KETTLES, '
STOVES.
HCOIIVS
AND ALL CASTINGS,
made at a country Foundry. Also,
A GOOD MILL 8CKEW,
in excellent order, for sale at a low rate.
I refer those wishing to buy to John Adam.
Samuel Hhuuiaii, John lloden, Ross liench, at
Ickesburg. Jacob Shoemaker & Hon, Elliotts,
burg: Thomas Morrow. Loysvllle; John Flicking
er, Jacob Flicklnger, Centre. 620 13
SAMUEL LIGGETT.
Ickesburg, May 14. 1872.
Neiv Millinery Goods
A.t Newport, ln.
I BEG to Inform the public that I have Just re
turned from Philadelphia, with a full assort
ment of the latest styles of
MILLINERY GOODS. . '
HATS AND BONNETS,
RIBBONS, FRENCH FLOWERS,
FEATnERS,
CHIGNONS,
LACE CAPES,
NOTIONS,
And all articles usually found In a first-class Mil
linery Establishment. All orders promptly at
tended to. -VVe will sell all goods as Cheap as
can be got elsewhere.
DRESS-MAKING done to order and In the la
test style, as 1 get the latest Fashions from New
York every month. Goffering done to order, In
all widths. I will warrant all my work to give sat.
Isfactlon. All work done as low as possible.
ANNIE ICKES,
Cherry Street, near the Station,
6 16 13 Newport, Ta.
CARLISLE CARRIAGE FACTORY.
A. B. S1IE11K
has a lariie lot of second-hand work on
hand, which he will sell cheap in order
10 maita room lor new woik,
FOK THE SPRING TRADE.
He has. also, the best lot of
NEW WORK ON HAND.
You can always see different styles. The material
Is not in question any more, for it is the best used.
If you want satisfaction In stvle, quality and
price, go to this shop before purchasing elsewhere.
There is no II rm that has a better Trade, or sells
more In Cumberland and Perry counties.
REPAIRING AND PAINTING
promptly attended to. Factory Corner of South
and Pitt Streets,
3 dp CAHL,I9L,E, PA.
I'EKItY COUNTY
Real Estate. Insurance,
AMU
CLuUM AGICIVOY.
LEWIS POTTER. & CO.,
Real Egtate Broken, Insurance, A Claim Agent
Now liloomiieia, Pa.
WE INVITE the attention of buyers and sell
era to the advantages we otter them in pur
chasing or disposing of real estate through our of
fice. We have a very large llstof desirab property,
consisting of farms, town property, mills, store
and tavern stands, and real estate of any descrip
tion which we are prepared to otter at great bar-
f;alns. We advertise our property very extensive
y, and use all our efforts, skill, and eminence to
effect a sale. We make no charges unless the
property Is sold while registered with us. We also
draw up deeds, bonds, mortgages, andall legal pa
pers at moderate rates.
Some of the best, cheapest, and most reliable
fire, lire, and cattle Insurance companies In the
United States are represented at this agency.
Property Insured either on the cash or mutual
plan, and perpetually at 4 and tft per thousand.
Pensions, bounties, and all kinds of war claims
collected. There are thousands of soldiers and
heirs of soldiers who are entitled to pensions and
bounty, who have never made application. Sol
diers. If you were wounded, ruptured, orcontract
ed a disease i it the service from which you are dis
abled, you are entitled to a pension.
When widows of soldiers die or marry, the minor
children are entitled to the pension.
i'artles having any business to transact In our
line, are respectfully Invited to give us a call, as
we are conlldent we can render satisfaction in any
branch of our business.
" No charge for information.
4 2Uly LEWIS POTTER & CO.
JOBINSON HOUSE,
(Formerly kept by Woodruff and Turbett,)
. .Vg MoomfieUl, rerry County, JTa.
AM08 ROBINSON, Proprietor.
This well known and pleasantly located hotel
has been leased for a number of years by the pres
ent Pioprletor.and lie will spare no pains to accom.
modate his guests. The rooms are comfortable,
the table well furnished with the best In the mar
ket, aud the bar stocked with choice liquors. A
careful and attentive hostler will be In attendance.
A gins! livery stable will be kept by the proprietor
April 3, 1871. tf .ii-
fjffilfL A LECTURE
firjTO YOUNG MEN.
Just Published, In a Sealed Envelope. Price, 8cts.
A LECTURE ON THE NATURE, TREATMENT,
AND RADICAL CURE of all Diseases caused by
excess, Also, Nervousness, Consumption. Ep
ilepsy, and Kits, etc, etc By HOHKlt f J. t'l L
VhUWiiLL, M. IK, author of the "Green Book,"
etc., etc.
The World-renowned author, In this admirable
lecture, clearly proves from his own exjicilenee,
that the awful consequence youthful indiscretion
limy be effectually removed without medlclne.iind
without dangerous surgical operations, bougies.
Instruments, rings, or cordials, polnllng out
mode of cure at once certain ami effectual, by
which every sufferer, no matter what his condition
may be, may cure himself cheaply, privately, aud
radically. THIS LECTURE WILL PKOVK A
BIN IN TO THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS.
Kent, under seal, to any address. In plain sealed
euveloiw, on the receipt of six oents, or two post
age stamps. Also, Dr. Culverwell's "Marriage
Guide," price 26 cents. Address the Publishers,
( HAH. J. C. KLINE & CO.,
5.1yP. 127 Bowery, New Yolk, P. O. Box, 4,586.
' Why Keep That Cough P;
When a bottle of Rohrer's Lung Balsam will
ours It. It Is pleasant to take, and more effect
tlv than any other cough medicine. Try It.
For sale by F. Mortimer, New Bloonifield, and
most othor (fares In the county.