ljc '(times, -Nod Bloomftclir, JJa.
DEACON PILSEY'S PLOT.
, A . REASONABLY good man was Dea
con Pilsey, as times wont, but if lie
had a woaknoss, it was for making things
in general go about ns he wanted them to.
Not nn overbearing man by any means, and
certainly not a violent one, but with won
derfully cnto and quiet and subtle ways of
his own, by which he brought matters
about without lotting other folks know how
tho thing was done. Wlmn a man is ac
customed to have his own way, ho makes
up his mind irotty easily; but thoro was
one point of all others upon which Deacon
Pilsey hail been set and fixed for years, and
the care of which lay heavy on his mind,
(or the time had couio when, in his judg
ment, something deep required to bo plan
ned and all his skill exercised in carrying
it out. To a mind like this, that had taken
a perfect measure of every other in the
villago, and for miles around it, thore could
bo littlo difficulty in selecting his tools and
assistants, and he had no need of counsel
lors. That was how ho came to bo talking
so confidentially with Joe Guillen, ns the
two stood by tlio yard-gato.
"Why, doacon," said Joe, "I always
thought you liked Bob Humphrey. He's a
tiptop fellow, and a good match for any
girl I know of." '
" So he is, so ho is," replied the deacon.
" Can't say a word agin him. Know him
from a boy. Can't forbid him tho house,
or any of that sort of nonsense; but, then,
ho can't have Irene Wyer."
" I don't see how you'll help it, deacon.
You'ro only her guardian, and she is about
of ago."
11 Not for a year yet that's how the will
reads and she's in my own house, you
know. I guess I can fix some things, es
pecially if you'll turn in and help mo.
You're a lawyer, Joo Gaines, but you're a
young one yet, and I'll givo you the fattest
fee yon ever dreamed of if you'll only hitch
teams with me, and seo that Bob Hum
phrey don't get tho upper hand."
" Well, if that's what you're after, so it's
all right and square, I'd as lief earn a fee
one way as another. What's your pro
gramme?" . . . '
" Well, you know there's nigh onto
thirty thousand a coming to Irono Wyer,
in her own right, and I've took the best
kind o koer of it. It's been a mighty sight
of trouble, and all along I've thought of my
son Scott." .......
"Scott Pilsey?" interrupted Joo. " Why,
he's in California."
" Ho won't be long. He's comiu' home
inside o' six mouths, and I want to keep
Irene safe for him. They used to bo won
derful thick, and he writ to her regular ever
so long after ho went away, and so did she
to him." , .
"Do they correspond now f" said Joe.
" No, not now. There's the rub. That's
the rub. That's one reason I'm looking
out so sharp arter Bob. Now, I want you
to just take a holt and try and keep Bob off
till Scott gets back. 'T won't be for long,
and Irene ain't such bad company, nohow."
"I don't know," said Joe. "There's
- Maggie and her mother. I couldn't be par
ticularly attentive to Irene without their
knowing it. And Bob Humphrey will be
sure to be around most of the time, and it
won't be long before I have the whole vil
lage talking tho matter up.'f
" Never mind that, Joo, nevermind that.
It will be all right when Scott gets homo.
I'll givo you tho biggest kind of a fee."
"Well, deacon," coolly replied the young
lawyer, "it's a pretty tough case, but I'll
take it on one condition."
"What's that?" ' ' .
" Why, so long as it's only fun, and all
that, I'll go ahead, but if it seems as if I
was doing any harm, anything real bad,
you know, I'm to be at liberty to back out."
"Well, I don't mind, so long as you let
me know in time." '
And so the deacon and the lawyer discuss
ed their plot to their satisfaction, and when
all was settled the latter took his own way
down the broad and grass-worn street of
the village. : - . .. i -
" The old shark P he muttered, as he
strolled loisurcly on. " What on earth put
it into his plotting old head to pitch on me
for his tool ? He never was moro'n half de
cent to mo before. I reckon I'll earn my
fee, but I'll be' fair and square with Bob
Humphrey. What would Irene say if she
knew what was up? Wouldn't those blaok
eyes of her's strike fire?"- ' :
Now, it bappenedjthat of late, unknown,
perhaps, to the deacon, there had been
growing up more than a little closeness of
intimacy between Joe Gaines and Bob
Humphrey, and thus H; was treachery to
his friend as well as unfairness to the pret
ty heiress, to which the young lawyer had
allowed himself to be bribed by the dea
con's promised fee. ' '
A deep fellow was Joe Gaines, and a mar
velous manipulator of social affairs. Again
and again, as days and weeks and months
went by, did Deacon Pilsey congratulate
himself on his admirable seloction, and
chuckle in his inmost being as he witnessed
the well-contrived success of Joe's ma
noeuvres. There were pienics and drives
and parties, and entertainments of various
kinds, but In vain did Bob Humphrey in
vite or propose, the young lawyer was sure
to be beforehand with him, and it almost
seemed as if sweet, unassuming, quiet little
Maggie Pilsey herself, tho deacon's daugh
ter, had joined the seorot lengue against her
friend Irene, so often was some excuse de
vised by which she was mado to appear in
the lntter's stead. i ' .
Then, too, there were the home evenings
at the deacon's house, w hen the subtlo
miuded old plotter could have hugged him
self with satisfaction as he sat by and wit
nessed with his own eyes tho admirable
manner in which Joo Gaines worked for
his feo. '.. . ;
"It takes a lawyer, after all, " he said to
himself. "I don't care much what he
chargeH. I only hope ho'll keep it up that
way till Scott-gits home n train. And then
to see Bob Humhrcy ! Why, tho feller's
got tho perseverance of tho saint, but he
ain't nowhere with Joe Gaines."
As for Irene Wyer herself, her red lips
laughed and pouted, and hor bright black
eyes sparkled and deepened, Biid her lifo
seemed flowing onward very pleasantly, as
if no deep-laid plots and schemings had
any power over her or her happiness.
Moreover, through it all Joe Gaines seemed
to maintain the most complete external
semblance of frank-hearted friendship with
Bob Humphrey. Odd as it may seem, tho
young lawyer also found that his practice
had undergo-no a very sensible increase,
caused mainly by tho warm, though covert,
encomiums which tho good deacon's heart
compelled him to utter hero and there, in
his keen appreciation of his young friend's
tact and management.
Time will fly, however, and the mails at
last brought to the Pilsey homestead tho
welcome news that its absent hope and heir
would shortly return. Thcro were letters
from Scott Pilsey to his mother and his sis
tor Maggie, and to Irono Wyer, and even to
his old cronies and schoolmates, Joo Gaines
and Bob Humphrey, and to each one ho
had doubtless some matter of special inter
est to comniunioato. .
No noisy, smoky, disgusting railway
trains as yet vexed the retirement and re
pose of the villago, but at last, on a morn
ing when all things were in a statu of al
most painful expectancy of his arrival, not
the ordinary ' stage-coach, but a private
hired carriage, heavy with trunks and pack
ages, bore Scott Pilsey to the door :of his
father's homo. .... . 1 -,
In an instant the little veranda was full
of those who awaited him, but when the
deacon's tall sun-burned and bushy-boarded
son sprang out upon tho grass, he turned
his back to the veranda for a moment,
while ho aided the movements of a graceful
well-favored, dark-featured young lady,
who followed him and whom, even in the
first warmth of his "welcome home," ho
introduced as "my wife, my Lucia."
Maggio Pilsey hugged her and kissed hor,
and so did Irene Wyer, and so, in a mo
ment more, did old Mrs. Pilsey, and the
doacon was too wise a man to seem alto
gether astonished, while Joe Gaines and
Bob Humphrey were fairly boisterous. In
fact, Scott Pilsey's California bride was so
overcome by the warmth of her greeting,
that the poor young thing forgot her pride
and burst into tears. In half a minute af
ter that there wasn't a lady visible, and
then Bob and Joo knew enough to leave the
deacon and his son to themselves. Tho
two young mon walked off arm in arm,
but they were back again before the day
was ovor.
The deacon's face was a trifle serious,
but not exactly cloudy, and before long he
managed to got Joe Gaines off by himself
for a bit of private conversation.
"And so, Joe," he said, "you mid tho
rost knew all about this matter of Scott's
some time ago !" ' -'
" Well, yes; Irene told me in confidence,
nnd thon, when they wrote and told Scott
hpw matters were hero, he wrote to con
gratulate us, and begged us not to spoil his
surprise to you. We couldn't tell after all
that, you know."
" Ahem I well no I can't say; but per
haps not. I can't bo mad with Scott, fur
she's brought him a big rahche and a mine;
but what am I to do with you now ? I like
Bob Humphrey first-rate I allers did liko
Bob Humphreys first-rate and now it
can't bo Scott, I don't seeas I ort to inter
fere. You've earned yourfeo, and I'll pay
it; but, then, you sce,lhereain't nu more
use " ' .'
i "Oh ! no; not a bit," interrupted Joo.
" Bob is a good follow,' and ho and Maggie
are just suited. Irene and I think that
Maggio couldn't have mad a better match,
and we think Bcott has done splendidly
well."
"Irene and you?" exclaimed the deacon.'
"Yes, of coarse. I've explained to
Irene that I can't afford to lose my fee. I
told her so at tho beginning, and she said
I must earn it. Seems to me I've done
that; but I'll let you up."
" Done it 1 exclaimed the deacon. " Well,
yes, Joe; on the whole, I should rather be
Inclined to say you had, and have done me
too.
But there was no use of getting mad
about it and so the deacon good-humoredly
consented to the marriage of Joe and Irene;
while everybody present at the double
wedding which shortly took place, raid that
Bob Humphrey and' Maggie were a very
pretty couple.
The deacon has decided that as ft plotter,
he is not a success, especially when women
aud lawyers are his opponents.
A WARNING TO YOUNG MEN.
IN response to a letter from a man of
" twenty years experience in business,"
of "unimpeachablo character," and sound
health" who, with his family, is reduced to
lowest straits, and probably hardly sees his
way to his daily bread, tho New, York
"Times" prints tho following:
"Tho writer of Ihis letter is, no doubt
as he himself says, a typo of a, largo class
in this city. . " Thoy cannot dig, nnd to beg
they are ashamed." They have not mus
cular power for the branches of work al
ways calling for ' workers, and their own
field is crowded with competitors. It is
easy to tell them to go West, but the West
docs not want them. It has plenty of such
mon. Every Western city is crowded with
peoplo of precisely these capacities, who
are half starved. Tho applications for
clerkships and small business positions are
as numerous in Chicago and St. Louis, in
proportion, as. in New York. No ono
wishing to bo an accountant, or clerk or
potty tradesman should rush to n Western
town, unless be has a capital. He may, in
deed, find a place there, ns he may hero,
but tho chances are thirty to one that ho
will be left out in the cold, and find him
self in a few years in tho condition of our
" impecunious" correspondent.
" Thousands of men in this city, and in
all tho cities of the country, are settling
gradually down in this hopeless and useless
condition. They grow poorer every year;
their families often suffer more than those
of the avowed poor; their 1 children sink
lower and lower in tho social grade, and
they-themselves wander about in the worn
garments of bettor days, seeking employ
ment which docs not come, until hope and
strength both break, nnd they die, if not
in an almshouse, at least in the wretched
garret of some tenement house. Tho sim
plo explanation is that all tho lower mer
cantile positions are too much crowded al
ready. The competition is too intense, and
unless tho new comer has influential ac
quaintances or some profitable talent, he
has no chance in tho rush for employment.
Since tho speculations during tho war, there
has been a thronging to the cit ies, of young
men who have abandoned the best pursuits
of tho country trades and farming and
have sought for mercantile positions. Tho
market is over stocked with them, and each
Unsuccessful one must suffer.
" Much as we pity the condition of such
as our correspondent, we rejoice that it is
being understood that all mercantile po
sitions are not prizes. Tho healthful and
independent occupations in this country
are tho trades and labor on farms. It is ex
traordinary, when wo see the comfortable
fortunes made now by tobacco-raisers in
Connecticut, by fruiterers in Now Jersey,
by dairymen in New York, and general
farmers in tho Central West, and the im
mense wages and independent positions of
carpenters, builders, plumbers, masons,
furniture-makers and the like, that any
young man should bo willing to stand be
hind the counter for twenty years, and ac
cept such a fate as our correspondent's. No
reasonable patent now, unless he has busi
ness of his own, or very influential friends,
should think for a momont of a clerkship
for his son. Lot him apprentice him to a
good trade, or put him on a Western farm
or in an Eastern' garden, and then loave
him to his energies and the natural devel
opment of all those lines of production.
The growth of population insures that
farming in the West shall be profltable.and
that farm lauds must riso in value. ' Tho
same eauso makeB many of the ' trades a
sure and permanent support. The most
independent person in this city is the skilled
mechanic. He has, too, 'the assistance ' of
the ' unions' for a time of need. No young
man of Industry and good character could
fail of reasonable success cither on a Wes
tern farm or in an Eastern trade '
tWMoro novelties are the result of acci
dent than is gonorally supposed. The
origin of blue-tinted paper came about by
a mere slip of tho liand, William East, an
English paper maker, once upon a time set
his men to work, and wont away on busi
ness. While the men were at dinner Mrsi
East accidentally let a blue bag fall into
ono of the vaU of pulp. . Alarmed at the
occurrence she determined to say nothing
about it. Great was the astonishment of
tho workmen whon they saw tho peculiar
color of tho paper, and great the anger of
Mr. East when he returned and found
that a whole vat of pulp had been spoiled.
After giving the paper mado from it ware
house room for four years, Mr. East sent
it up to his agent in London to be sold
"for what it would fetch." "For what it
will fetch I" said the agent, misunderstand
ing the meaning ; "well it certainly is a
novelty ,but he must not expect too much,"
So he sold the whole at an . advance upon
the market price, and wrote to the
mills for as much more as he could get.
The surprise of Mr. East may be imagined.
He hastened to his wife, who found cour
age to confess hor share in the fortunate
accident, and to claim a reward, which she
received in the shape of a new cloak. Mr,
East kept his secret for a short time, sup
plied the market with the novel tint until
' the demand far exceeded the supply, and
other makers discovering the meant used,
competed with him. ' ', . ' .
A Wood Grnntcr.
Tho following story of John Smith of
California, nnd his son Virgil, is said to be
a "true bill." Smith had a very promising
young horse now for the first time in train
ing for the track, (that's definite enough.)
The other day Virgil, a bright littlo chap
some ten years of ago, was speeding the
colt around the track, and was making the
run in gallant style, when the colt sudden
ly shied and threw the boy off.
The causo of this was a young porker
that had stowed himself in some brush
closo by tho track, a quiet spectator of the
colt's performance,' until' tho latter got al
most opposite to him, when, hog-like, he
mado a violent rush, with tho residt men
tioned. By tho timo his anxious father
reached tho ground tho boy was on his foot,
unhurt. ,.
Said tho fathor : " Virgil, you don't know
how to rido a colt, to let a littlo pig like
that throw you ofT. I don't want tho colt
spoiled. I want him to go around tho
track, nnd I'll show you that a pig can't
prevent him." " I'll bet you," said Virgil,
"ho'll throw you, too, if tho pig makes him
jump liko ho did with ine." " No ho won't
Virgil ; you can get in tho bush there, aud
nnd when I rido him around you cau grunt
like a pig.. I'll show how it's done," said
elder Smith. . p .
Accordingly, the colt was caught and
mounted by Smith tho eldor, tho boy in tho
meantime having taken his position in tho
brush to play tho rolo of pig, in which ho
succeeded to perfection, for when tho siro
after a rattling run, had reached tho proper
place, he snorted liko a young grizzly, and
tearing otit of tho brush, casued tho panic-
stricken colt to pile his rider ingloriously
m the dust. Gathoring himself up ho said
savagely : " AVhat did you do that for ? I
told you to grunt liko a littlo pig, not like
a darned old hog." --
Bcccher on Urnnunar.
Mrs. Stowo gives a" characteristic ac
count of grammatical exercise at which her
brother Henry Ward Beecher assisted in
his school days. Young Boeehcr was about
eleven years old aud as full of fun and mis
chief as at present. Tho teacher was
drilling her children in tho rudiments :
"Now, Henry," said she, "A is tho
indefinite article, you see, and must bo
used only with tho singular number. You
can say a man,' but you enn't say ' a men,'
can you?"
" Yes, I can say ' amen,' too," was tho
rejoinder. " Father says it always at tho
end of prayers."
" Come, Henry, don't be joking ; define
'he.' "
"Ye sec, 'his' is possessive. Now you
can say 'his book,' but you cannot say
'him book.' "
"Yes, I do say 'hymn book,' too," said
tho impracticable pupil, with a quizzical
twinkle. "
Each one of these sallies mado his young
teacher laugh, which was the victory he
wanted.
" But, now, Honry, seriously, just at
tend to tho active and passivo voico. No,
'I strike' is active you seo, becauso if you
strike, you do something. But ' 1 am
struck is passive, because if you arc struck,
you don't do anything, do you?"
" Yes, I do ; I strike back again."
After about six months, Honry was. re
turned on his parents' hands, with the
reputation of being an inveterate joker nnd
indifferent scholar.
' tSTThero is a mnn in Darby, Pa., who
purchased a hull dog, which he proposed to
turn loose in his storo at night in order to
scare away the burglars, The first eve
ning after he obtained tho dog he locked it
in the store nnd went away a happy man.
Tho next morning, early he wont around to
tho store and unlocked tho door. The dog
was vigilant the man was surprised to
perceive how very vigilant the dog was for
no sooner was tho door open than tho dog
seized its owner by the leg, suddeuly, and
seemed to be animated by an earnest and
vigorous resolution not to let go until it
had removed at least one good mouthful.
And tho man pushed the dog back ' and
shut tho door on its ribs until the nnimal
relaxed its jaws ; and then the man kicked
tho dog into tho storo and shut tho door as
if ho was in a hurry to ' do something.
Then ho suspended business for a week,
and spent the vacation firing nt that dog
through the windows, and down the chim
ney, and up through the cellar ceiling,
with a shot-gun, trying to exterminate
him. And the mercantile establishment
did not open for trade until the man had
paid twice tho first cost of the dog to the
dog's former owner to come and take it
home ; and then, when he got in he found
that during the bombardment holes had
been shot through mackerel barrels and
molasses cans and coal oil kegs so that
there was misery and ruin everywhere.
tW A clergyman created quite a merri
ment the other day, on ouo of our steam
boats, going over to lay a new Camp Meet
ing ltosort, by the inquiry: "What pos
itive proof i there that King David and his
son Solomon were tailors ?" No one in the
crowd could answer, and the humorous
Divine quoted the familiar passage: "And
Solomon mended the brtaclit which David
bis father had made I"
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8 Lit I Philadelphia, l'a.
Bt:itstv cooty
Ileal Estate. Insurance,
AND
CLAI3I AGKNCY.
LEWIS p6tteb'& CO.,
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,ll 'rs to t lie advantages we oiler them in pur
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We have a very largo list of deslrab property.
i,,., mnn i ,ii- iv, mom
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f;uins. We advertise our property very extensive- I
y, nnd use all our efforts, skill, nnd d'illigence to 1
etlecta sale. We make no chm-ires uniii tha E
proiierty Is sold while registered with us. We also
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pers at moderate rates. .
Some o( the best, cheapest, and most reliable
nre, life, and cattle Insurance companies In the
United Stales are sepresented at this agency.
Property Insured either on the cash or mutual
plan, and perpetually at (M and 85 per thousand.
Pensions, bounties, and all kinds ot war claims
collected. There are thousands of soldiers and
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bounty, who have never made application. Sol
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When widows of soldiers die or marry, the minor
children are entitled to the pension.
Parties having any business to transact In our
line, are respectfully Invited to give us a call, as
we are confident we can render satisfaction in any
branch of our business.
-No charge for Information.
'Mly LEWIS FOTTKll & CO.
A. 1I.FRAXCISCUS & CO.,
513 MARKET STREET,
PliiluUclpliin, Pn. ;
We have opened for the SPRING TRADE, the
largest and bust assorted Stock of
PHILADELPHIA CA11PET8
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SOLE AGENTS FOR THE
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All other goods, 3U days, Net. CW.&Co. 6 8 3m
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A. JJ. SHERK
has a large lot of second hand work on cJSBJU
hand, which he will sell cheap In ordera!Oaz'
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FOR THE SPRING TRADE.
He has. also, the best lot of
NEW WORK ON HAND.
You can always see different styles. The material
Is not In question any mure, for It Is the best used.
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There is no firm that has a better Trade, or sells
more in Cumberland and Perry counties.
REPAIRING AND PAINTING
promptly attended to. Factory Corner of South
and l'itt Streets, ,
3 d (AltLISLK, PA,
JOBINBON HOUSE, ,
(Formerly kept by Woodruffand Turbctt,)
Xtm Jlloomfleld, Z'erry County, Pa.
AMOS ROBINSON, Proprietor.
This well known and pleasantly located hoti
has Ix-en leased for a number of years by the pres
ent in oprtetor.and he w ill spare no pains to accom
modate his guests. The rooms are comfortable,
the table well furnished with the best In the mar
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careful and attent ive hostler will he In attendance.
A good livery stable w ill be kept by the proprietor
Aprils. 1871. tf
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CHAS. J. C, Kl.INK & CO
llUyV.) 127 Bowery, New Yoik.P. O. Box, 4.5W.