l)c tmc3, Ncru JMoomftciti, Pa: Bloomfiold Academy ! An English and Classical School . Fon . . LADIES' AND GENTLEMEN " ' Ydung Men Prepared For College. A Normal Srhool ' ami a Schoul of Art) FALL TERM COMMENCES On MonJuy, the 2Sth 0 August, 187 1 AB the above srhool has recently been re-organ-Ized. students caitentcr any time. 1'rof. WM. II. DILI., a graduate of KutRcr's Col-' lege, N. J., Principal. Miss ANN A K. AI'OSrUROEIt, a graduate of Ksther Institute, Columbus, Ohio, teacher o( JIu ln, I'nlntlne, DrawluK. French and (ierinan. Every laetllty for the training of the youth of both sexes In nil that constitutes a liberal and thorough education. The Collegiate Department , embraces all the higher branches, Including the Latin and (ireek Lnniiuagcs, KnglneerliiK, l'ractl cal Hurveylnir, Literature, Natural Science and ad vanced AlathuinatlcH. ... Vacations: July and August, undone week at Christmas. Terms; For Boarding, Furnished Kooin. Wash Ing, Tuition in Latin, Greek, Knglish Branches and Mathematics, for the scholastic year, 8180. In vacations. f.un. The Hoarding Department Is at the Institution, tinder the supervision of Wlliam Grier, Esq., by whom gool and substantial board will be fur nished: and the pupils will bo under the strict care of the Principal. Address , w. 11. I'li.i,, A. M. principal, WILLIAM (ililKK. 4 It Mew liloo'nlleld, Terry county, Ia. riiotographs ! Photographs ! JACOB COBLE, Photographic Artist, ' Newport, penn'a. , T TIE subscriber would respectfully can the at tention of the citizens of tills county to the fact that he Is prepared to take PHOTOGRAPHS In the best style of the art. His long experience enables him to produce ' , pictcres wnrrrr canxot .be ex celled. All persons are requested to call at his rooms and examine specimens. Particular attention given to copying likenesses of deceased persons, and great care will be taken ,1 1 1, to furnish ... Good Pictures of Children, Framing material and a good assortment of frames always on hand, and for sale at low prices. - ' JACOB COBLE, Artist, ' ' Nowport, Terry Co., Pa Hair Restorative I M Pi l 3 Contains NO LAf! fUTI.rilTjn JJo 8U(iAIt OF LKAO-No UTIIAlt()K-No NITItATK OK Hll.VKK. and Is entirely free from the Poisonous and Health-destroying Drugs used In other Hair Preparations. Transparent and clear as crystal, It will not soil P.fl.$'e"t fabric perfectly 8AFK, CLKAN, and fcp Ht'lKNT desideratum 1.0NU BOUGHT Wit AND FOUND AT LAST I It restores and prevents the Hair from becom. Ing Gray. Inirts a soft, glossy apiiearance, re moves Dandruff, is cool and refreshing to the head, checks the Hair from falling off, audrestoiBS It to a great extent when prematurely lost, pre vents Headaches, cures all Humors, Cutaneous hruptlons, and unnatural Heat. AS A DUKHS- iSteVaTk11: 18IUE BKST 7UiUt I)r. O. Smith, Patentee, Groton Junction, Mass. Prepared ouly by l'roeter Hrothers, (ilouceiter, Mass. The Genuine Is put up In a panel bottle, made expressly for It, with the name of the article blown In the glass. Ask yo ur Druggist lor Na ture's Hair Restorative, and take no oilier. Bond a three cent stamp to Proctor Bros, for a Treatise on the Human llalr. The Information it contains Is worth tuou ou to any person, ILVISW. STORE ! CHEAP GOODS! TH E subscriber having opened a new Btore, one door Kast of Hweger's Hotel, solicits a share of the public patronage. He has lust received a full supply of TV o w O o o 1 hi , and will constantly keep on hand, a complete as sortment ot DRY GOODS, ' GROCERIES QVEENBWARH HARDWARE, BOOTS & SHOES, . i HA TS Jt CAPS. And Everything clue usually kept In Stores. Call and see my stock. ' ' .,.,-.)' ' ' ,1 ..;( ' KOB'T. N. WILMS, 2 ' 11 ' 1 New Bloomlleld. Ta. A' HPLKNI)I"rv iKHOIITMKNm ' SPUMUll JVlSSOHTMiiX A. TtV-GOOPCJ 11Y-GOODO Suited to the Season, , Are Now Offered for Sale by ' . T, MOBTIMEB,' & CO. : A LL KINDH OK JOB rillNTlNO V Neatly executed at the I)lHiifleld Times Steam Job omr.. , . I A GREAT MEDICAL DISCOVERY Dr. WAXILEIl'S OAIilFOHNIA VINEQAE BITTERS 4 Hundreds of Thousands S b w xicor lenimony to ineir wouaer- fi p i O a fill (Jurntlva KtTi.pta ' 0 GT i WHAT ARE THEY? g Midoor Poor Horn, Whlster, Proof 8iilrltn nud UoI'ubo Uq u ore doctored, Bptccd andBwcct ened to plonsetho tutn, celled "Tonics," "Appctli tre," ' I'.cotorcrs," e., that lend tho tippler on to drunkenness and 'ruin, bato.ro a trno Biediclnc, mcc!o froci tUo NatLvo IiooUsnd Herbs of California, free from nil Alcolivlla thnnlaitta. Tlicyoio ilia GREAT UI,OOI PUUIPIEll mid A LIFE: GIVINU 1'IU N 01 PLE a perfect Honovator nsd Invlgorntor of tlioBybtLm,canylng off nlt-potaonouu matter and rcBtorlng tho blood to a healthy condition. Ko person can take theso UUtcrs accordli; to direc tion and remain long unircU. 8100 wlllbo given l'orca ln(xrablocao,prnv:ued tho bones ro not dc&troyed by mineral pcfoc.i or other means, and tho vital organs 7Ufitod buyoi.d ll.o point of repair. , . Fiir Inflninamtory nud Chronic Itliconm tlsm nod Gont. Dysuepsln, or Indigestion, UilioiiH, ttcnttcont and Inlcrinliicnt Pcrcro Dlscnsvsoi' ibe Blood, l.tvorf Kldnerw, oud lilndatrr, theso IHltcra I'.avo been most success fnl. HucU Biscawe r.ra enceed by Tlitntcd Dlood, whlou Is generally produced by daranjjomen; of tha DiLHwelve rfaiMH DYSPEPSIA Cvl 1SD10BJTI0X, .' ilcnd cho, I'atn la tho stioaU.ers, Conghj,T!Kitnc4iscf tho Cboct, DlzatnoM, Boar KrsetaUons of the btomadi, liad taota In tlis Jttomil,' Uilloua AstieLa, I'slpltntiua cf tho Heart,, laaaiorcntloa of the Lmigs, 1'dIu In tho regions of thg Kidneys, and a hundred other iwilU symptoms, aro tho otTsprlngs of Dyipepria. They Invlgotuto tke Btomuch aid stlianlata tn tor pid liver and bowels, whloh rentier them ofcnctiuallcd clDcncy in eUaaslitR tk blood of all imparities, and Imparting new life aal Tior to tha vrholo system. ., , I'OIl B1U if 11SZ3, Eruptions, Tcttor, Salt Phcnm, notches, epot, rtmiiles, I uctuler, Dolls, Ccr banclos, Itlns-T7orms, Bcnld-llcad, Boro Eyes, Erysip elas, Itck, BeBrfB, DkiMtoratlono of tho Bkln, Ilumors and Diseases of tho bkla, of vhatovar nomo or natnro. . ra literally t ig up and carried out of tho system In a short tlmt kf She use of these Hitters. Cno bottlo In such casee irtU caitiiaea tho m out luareduious bt tlictr curattvs oefcot, . : i i , . ' ; i , s - . ClcuDBa. th ViUclcd Dlood whenever you find its JmpurltleB borstlnB tliroosh tho skin In rimplca, Emo tions or Sore; clecnsu H when yoa find It obstraetcd and tlagafc la tho veins i clcsxoa It when It Is font, and yonr feellnii will tjll yon when. Kosp tho blood pnro and the health of Uio Bysteui wIllTolloir. PIS, 'XAPttuaa otker WOllSIS.jhu-klngln tho system of so many tkuusaaf-j, uro cfTcctnally destroy ed and removed. Vor full Clrontloiui, ruad caivfully tho ctrcalor arud oolt kotrro, prh.tcd In roar Ian gaoges BuglliAi,Uortua, Fvunokaiid tpuuioU. , J. WALKER, rroprlctor. li. 11. Ncl)0AL3 i CO., Dragglst and Ocn. Agctits, Gaa Froaclrco, Cal aad 83 and fti Commurca Street , iow YorU. tygOLD DT ALL LWL'aaiKTS ASO pEALECa 1780 : TAKE NOTICE. 1871 Are You Afflicted or Sick ? UHE ' PAHBNEY'S BLOOD CLEANSER OB I? A. -N A. O 1'j A. ! , a Pi a a i H AN Alterative nnd Cathartic, or Tonic anil Ptirjro, for diBeaaoearlslne; from bad blood. This preparation was established la 1870, and has been prepared In liquid form for more tlmn 18 years. In January or February, 1870, anoth er party commenced to prepare a similar article which Is Inferior to the genuine, and which should not be mistaken for ours. Ask for "Dit. Fihiinbt's Blood Clbanseh oh Panacea," and nccept no others. The Trade Mark of the oldest and genuine, ! printed In green on a yellow wrapper, hav ing also the slgnuture of P. Fahrney, M. 1)., Chicago. - " Dr. P. Fahrney'$ Health ITatenger", gives the history and uses of the Blood Cleanser, testimonials, and other information, Bent free charge. , Address Dhj P. Fahrney'b Brothers A Co., : Waynesboro, Frnnkllu County, Pn. Ask for Dr. Fahrncy'a Blood Cleanser and CVLKASfSE VOUH ULOOIX t-J Sold everywhere and In New Bloomfiold by F. Mobtimkh & Co., only. 518 FOR EVERYBODY ! ONE of the most useful articles ever Invented, IS Kh'iKi-:iA,,a Xovelty Flexible HAND PRINTING PRESS. With this little Tress every man can do his own printing at a trilling exiiense, as the price of a niu'hlne Is no Krenler tliau the cost of printing a lot of Cards or KnvelopeH. Kvery one who sees It says it is y TiiHt tlo Tiling-, and should be owned by every business man.' These presses are for sale hy the subscriber who is uuw cuiivHssiug nits vicinity Willi spcclineus. soliciting orders. JOHN O. MOORE, , New (lloomtli'lil, Ta, MO. A Perfectly Non - Explosive Lamp I "TJKltKlNS Hi IIOITKiFTpaTICNT I.AMI'H are X the only Ijimp that (Iiveh I'KitrKirr bArirrr witu Ai.i. kiniis or oil. They are niude ol brass, and will lust a lifetime, muklng llieiu the . . CHEAPEST LAMP IN THE WORLD. The undersigned are Agents for Perry County and will supply Merchants at the Manufacturers' price. Persons wiintlug a good artlele are re quested to exuuilue this lump. , , , F, MOKTIMEK CO., JS'ew Illooinlleid, Ta, ; J Agents wanted to canvass the County. ' Why Keep That Cough P When a bottle ftf Kohree'e T.nnie tl.l.nn, tt.tl cure It. It is pleasant to take, and more elfee live man any ovuer cougn nieaicinc. Try It For sale by F. Mortimer & Co,, New ' Bloom field, and most other stores In the county. fl l i$Yi'A ' I S Ssm xflmsm lit rr " V lie ' If! ?s -1 ,; -o ? H S ' InET ARB NOT A VTLE S ll f ANCY DRINK. Ill CONSUMPTIOH. CURE AND ITS PREVENTIVE. IT8 By 3. H. SCTtEltOT, M. D. Many a hnmsn bptnjr has passed away for whose death then waa noothnr reason tlian thenpRlect of known and Itullaputably provpn means of cure. Thowe near and dear to family and friends are sleeping the dreamless slumber into which, bad tlmy calmlv adopted lu.avsii:rii n. uriirufK'H impi,b i. TKKAT.TlKN'r, and nvntled thPnoicives or his wunderrtilly efllca- clous mellclncs. they would not have fallen. . Dr. Nohenclc has lit his own caao proved that wherever sudlelent vitality remains, that vitality, . by his medicines and his directions for their use, Is quickened Into healthHil vlKor. In this ntatement there Is tmthrn peeanmpttmns. To the fmlth of the In valid is made no representation that Is nota thousand time nuhatatitlated hy living and vWble works. The theory of tile euro liy Dr. . Brhenrk's medlcinea la as nimple as It is unfailing. Its plillosru)hy requires no arijumcuu It to self-os-surlng, seir-convlucing. - The Mea-weed 'I onic and Mandrake Pills are the ' first two weaiwns with whlrh tlm citadel of ths malady Is availed. Two-thirds or the cases of con sumption originate In dyspepsia and a functionally disordered liver. With this condition the bronchial ' tubes " sympathise" with the stomach. They ro- spend to the tiHirblflcnclion ofthe liver. Here then ' conies the culminating result, and the setting In, With all Its distressing symptoms of . . 1'llMHl.f. ' : 2 The Mandrake Pills are composed of one of Nn . turn's noblest glfts-tho I'odoplilllmn I'eltatiuu. They prmawss all Iho blood-scarchlng, olteratlvo properties of calimrl, but. unlike calomel, they "tlTI HA S'lUV IIHISD." The work ofcure is now bi glnniiiK. The vitiated and mucous deposits In the IhiwcIs and In the ali mentary canal are ejected. The liver, like a clock, ' w wound up. It arouses from Its torpiijlly. Tim stomach acts resnonslvely. and the patient begins to feel thnt he Is KcttiUflr, at last, A sirri.i of uon moon. The Hca-weeil Tonic. In ciinjunclloii with the Pills, permeates and oaelniilittcs with the fooil. Chylltl . cation Is now progressing without Its previous tor tures. Ditimtlmi buronies painless, anil the cure is seen to he at hand. There Cs no more flatulence, no exacerbation of the stomach. An nppetlte sets In. Now comss ths greatest Mined further ever yet given by an indulgent fnther In sullerlng man. Hehenck s l'lilinonlu Nyrnp comes In to permrm Its functions and. to hasten and complete tho cure. It enters at ones upon its work. Nature can not be cheated. It collects and ripens the Impaired and diseased portions of tha lungs. In the form of gntheringa, It prepares them lor expectoration, and hi I In a very short tints the uiolii.lv Is vanquished, the rottsn throne that It occupied Is renovated and ninds new. and lbs patient, In all the dignity of re named vigor, tej forili to enjoy the manhood or womauhood that wa item rr A l,MT. Ths sscnnd thing Is, the piitiwits must stay In a warm room until they get well; It Is almost Impos sible to prevent taking cold when ths lungs ore dls e.'ised. but It must lm prevented or a cure can not be ellected. Presh air and rldlngniit. eapeclnllv In this section of the country, In tint nll and winter sea son, r all wrong. Physicians who recommend Ibut conrss loe their txvtlents, If their lungs aro badly (linaMed i and yet. braus they are fii ths house they nnl not sit down ipilet; they must walk , about the room as much and an fast as the strength will bear, to r t up a ood circulation or blood. The - patients must keep In ood spirits be determined to et well. This has a great deal to do wllu tha appetite, sn4 Is the great point to gain. , J. ,?,','"!1ir nf r"r" Me' such evidence of Its pos slbilltv lirthe worst cawst, and moral wrtiiluty In all othern. Is sltifol. Dr. Hchenik s is rsounl tnte meiit to the raculiy of his owu cure was In those modest words : "Many years ago I wns In the lost stages of con sumption i confined to my bed, and at one time my I'hrslcIonstliotigliitiiBt I could not llveatreek; then, like a drowning man catching at straws, I heard of and obtained the preparation wliich I now oiler to ths public, and they made a perfect cure of me. It seemed to me that I oonld reel them penetrate my fever, imlns. und nlL'bt.Nweuoi nil h..uU'tr. innuu ...J and niv apnetlle became so grunt tlmt It was with i diniculty thutl could keep from rating too much. . I soon (ruined my strength, and have grown in tlesu ever since. ,,. " I was weighed shortly after my rerovnrv," added . the IJoctor, " then looking like a mere skeleton ; my weight was only nluety-even pounds my preseiii welklit Is two hundred and twenty-five (225) ihiuikU, and for years I have enjoyed uninterrupted health.'1 I)r. Hehenck has diRcontlnued his professional vIbIU toew York and Huston, He or bis son, Ir. r,' Jf chenck.Jr;, still oonllnue to see patients at ' thelrOtllce, No. 15 North Klxth Street, Philadelphia, every butnrday from a.m. to 1 p.m. Those who wish a thorough examination with tho Iteiplro-. nieterwlllliechrged.v ThsKssptromsterdeolBres ' the eia't condlllon of the lungs, and patients can rendllv learn whether they are curable or not. '1 he directions for taking Uis medicines are odspt ed to the Intelligence even of a child. Follow thees 1 directions, and kind Nature will do the rsst, escopt. lug tlist In some cases ths M andrake Pills ara to b 1 taken in Increased doaen, the three medicine need no other accompaniments than ths ample Instruc tions that accompany them i First create appetite. Of returning health, hunger Is the most welcome symptom, when It conius, as It will come, let ths despair ng at once be of good cheer. Good blood at once follows, tha cough loosens, the night-sweat Is abated. In a short time both of these morbid syniD toms are gone forever. r Dr. wchenck's medicines are constantly kept In tens of thousands of families. As a laxative or pur gative, the Mandrake Pills are a staudard prepara. . tlon; while the Pulmonic Hyrup, as a cursor coughs and colds, may be regarded as a proubylocterlo against consumption In any of Its fbrinsT Price of the Pulmonic Myrup and Hea-weed Tonic. lLTUa bottle, or ;.so a half diaeu. Mandrake Pills! a cents a box. For sale, by all druggists and dealers! -JOIINSON, HOI.I.OWAY t COWDEV, Street, I'hlludelphla, Wholesale Agents. 602 Arch , ISTEW- YORK C O NTIN i:XT A L Life Insurance Company, op new Yornr, , STJUCTLY M V TV A Li I AhsoIh, si- ,ro,o J I&srKS all the new forms of Policies! and pre. scuts as favorable tonus asany company in the United States. . ..... The (,'ompaiiy will make temporary loans on Its Policies. , Thirty days' grace allowed nn eaeh payment, and tlie isilfcy held (food durliiKtlml tliuo. . , i'oilcles Issued by this Company uie non-forfeiture. No extra charges are madefor traveling permits. Pulley-holders share In the annual profit ul the Company, and have a voice In tlie elections and liiaiiugi'incut of the Company. . No policy or medical feecliarged. lUSTl'S l-AWHKNUK, i'les't, . M. It. WyNKooc, Vice 1'res'l.' v '' " J. P.BOOBHS, Bec'J". '! ' "i ."' ' - 1 , ,, ,..'.4. k. baton. .No. fl North Third Street, "f'H -'" 4.1i0 ylj College Block, Harrlsburg, Pa. S300 tOMMUTA'1IWX MONKV. The above amount will be refounded to all sol diers who were di lifted while in the service, and who paid toOucomiiiiitutlnti money; and also to all persons who paid oomiuututlon money who were liot legally lluble to draft. Claims mint lie tilled before the lntof March, 1871. Cull on, or address. LEWIS POT'IElf. Attorney for Claimants. New Bloouiueld, l'a. VTOTIC'K. Notice l hereby given that all is iiersons are forbidden to enter the Vine yard of tlie subscriber without his permission. All persons found therein without his license are subject to a tine for tresiiasHlng. No visitors are allowed In the Vineyard upon the Nnbbath day. All visitors are heartily welcome upou any other day of the week. , .,,. liENJASIINBICK, Jr. Klllottsburg, Pa a , 33teow English Roofing Felt Is found to Btnnd well lit alt climates, being ex tensively need for Koeling Houses, Out-Uttlld-Inps and Sheds) for Laying Flat Roofs, Gutters, Lining Granaries, Storehouses, or Walls, (either outsido or Inside), and for placing un der Slates or Tiles. It Is also n cheap and effective Colling on the underneath side of rnf tors of a Slntcd or Tiled Roof, nnd as a Ceiling to Iron Roofs, counteracting Ilcat, Froet, and Condensation of Moisture. , : , ; 1 i The English Felt Is put up In rolls of 25 yards In length, by 83 Inches in width, and containing a surface of 200 square feet. THREE-PLY FELT FOR ROOFING". In Rolls, 20 Inches wide, by 60 feet In length) each roll will cover a surface 10 feet square, or 100 Bqutire feet. It Is to be laid across the roof, shlnglo fash Ion, with a lnp of two Inches, and secured by nailing the edges with 8d nulls nud tin caps. When laid, the Felt Is to be painted with Mastic Roof Coating, nnd Sanded. Tho Mas tic Roof Coating Is mixed, ready for use, and is applied with a brush. TARRED ROOFING FELT. ' Used extensively for Sheathing Houses, and for Tnr and Gravel Rooting, nlso for placing under Slate, Tin nnd Shlnglo Ronllng. It Is used In packing Woolens and Fnrfl to protect them from moths. Put up in rolls weighing 45 pounds each. 18 pounds Felt will cover a Burfuce of 100 square feet. TWO-PLY FELT, For Sheathing Houses, Roofing Temporary Buildings, making Wnter,Tight Floors, nud for placing uudcr Slate and Shingles. In rolls, 28 Im liCB wide by 50 feet In length. Each roll will cover a surface of 10 feet square or 100 square feet. For Sheathing it can be nailed npon the stud ding, making a pcrcctly hlr. tight .sheathing, nnd Btiro protection from dampness. Kuts, mice, or vermin will not go uear It,, .' . MICA CANVAS ROOFING, i In rolls containing 250 square feet. Is to be laid ncrosB tlie roof, nnd lapped shingle fttBh lon with a.lup of two Inches, and secured by nulling tho edges with 20 oz. tacks. This is tho only Composition Roofing that does not require a finishing coat of paint or cement. , , , ... .'. . t ". I1'- l'.t' i LNTARRED SHEATHING FELT, For Carpet Lining, Deadening Floors , and for putting under Slate, Tin and Shlnglo Roofing. Put up In rolls weighing 100 pouuds. 10 pouuds Felt will cover a surfitoo 10 feet equarc, or 100 equure feet. , ,, , . , .. MANUFACTURED BY TOE1 P E N.N ROOFING CO., , 105 South 2ud Street, ' i 5 23 2rtt imiArEiriiiA; iv. llAlimVAUE! hardware: rpnE subscribers have on hand nt all times, f L as complete an assortment of Hardware as can be found In tho county. t nails,: . ';; ' : . . locks, - ...WW. V. GLASS, rt - PAINTS & OILS, and a' lino assortment of all styles of ; Builders Hardware, ' Also, - , ,. , , . . , CAlirENTER TOOLS, ' TABLE CUTLERY, COFFEE MILLS, " ;' ;;; ;,: spoons, ; ' SHOVELS, ', ,. ' ; hoes,' id ' ' ill- . I :.. , ',',!, and a full stock of . : Hardware of. Every Description, All of which will be sold at tho lowest market prices. Persons wanting any article In this lino are requested to pall and examine our stock. F. MORTIMER & CO.; . Naw Bloompiei.d, Px. The Colby Wringer witn Moulton's Patent Rolls, The Most Perfect! ' The Cheapest 1 . , Ami JSvtt Wriwjer in the World Rolls are pure" white Rubber. Frame can never rot, rust or wear out. It takes less room than nny other, Is lighter, fastens Itself to tlie tub, runs easier, and Is TOE FAMILY FAVORITE wherever used, t It is WARRANTED In every case. We want good active . - i - LIVE ACENTS to canvass In every town, to whom good wages are insured. Full Instructions and particulars given npon application to Colbt Bbo b A Co., 508 Broadway, N. Y. P 82 a 13. emU.,. ' ' Pensions, Bounties, &o. ,Hli . . , r - ' , WIDOWS, Minor Ch Xlk.. of Noliltnrii ' I. Mothnrs. Fnthra tc, of Holdiers j were killed or died of disease contracted In the Service of the I lilted btutes, can now make application for Pension. , Also Ntildlcrs who contracted disease or were wounded, ruptured, or In any way disabled In the war of Win. ' When widows die or re-marry, the child or children under sixteen years of age are entitled to a Pension. The time for nllng claims fur additional bounty has been extended six mouths, , . 1 i Particular attention riven to old suspended case In the ditteienl depurtinents at Wasliliigton, 1. C If you have, or think von huvn a rlulm m, ,i,,ki n, overnment, eall on or address the UiidersiKued, ' LEWIS roTTEH, ' ; 'V ' . 1 Attorney for Claimant!, 81 ' NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA H'tfilOBOUS A Harber-shop Tarn. f A brnggnrt of a joker, in a letter to the (S'un,Rays: I entered a barber's ehop, and I asked the boss, "could bo shave a note for me?" He said, " No." So I got shaved. He used ice cream for. lather; it's an im provement on the old style, because when you get a dab in your mouth it , tastes much better than soap.' ,The fellow had a rnzor thnt he'd been cutting oil-clotk with, and I thought of I scream, all the while I sat there. , I saw a queer sight out his back win dow. It was a follow bobbing up and down. Tho barber said it was a man who three months ago jumped off a six story building. He hnd on thick soled India rubbor shoes. ; He struck on tho pavement, and had been bounding up and down ever since. , Each time ho went up ho wont, a quarter of an inch less in height, nnd. they calculated that by tho 14th of November he would bo restored to the bosom of his family. He told me that they fed him by filling rubber balls with hash, and he catches thorn on the bound. I told him that was a good quality of rubber, and I asked him how many storios his building had ; he said, "Five." " Well," said I, "you had better add tho one you have told me, ' and you will have six." US? " Theso Indies are like birds thnt are on the wiug," said a humorous clerk to his employer, as a bevy of shop dam sels left tho store- ',' Why so V" asked the proprietor. Because.it takes them a long time to settle upon their pur chase;" (perches,) replied tho clerk. Tho proprietor saw the " point," and was so gratified at his acutcuess that ho n't cnCe ,i..j u- . '. iiiisi-u mo uiero. a wages. T..:i Two Irishmen were going to fire off a oauuou, just for fun ; but being of an economical mind, they did not wish to lose the ball, so one of them took an iron. . kettle in his hand to catch it in, and sta- i tionin" himself in front of the .loaded , piece, ho exclaimed , to. the other, , who . stood behind, holding a lighted torch, " Touch it off, aisy.", (. . t .' ISiy A littlo girl came into my house one day, and some apple parings lay on a plate on the tables After sitting awhile she said: "I smell apples." ."Yes," replied, " I gusss you smell those parings ' on the plate." No, no," said sho; " ft " ain't them I smell; I smell whole ttpJ pies." . .., , ' . , . ,! .; ,' A Liverpool pilot adrift in the Irish Sea, during a dense fog, and unable ; to find the entrance into the river Mer sey, is said to have fervently uttered two. lines from'a well-known hymn : . ' " That Mersey I to other's showed , :'" ' That Mersey show to mo." Hay In . Howard county, Ind., the'' churches are in an uproar becauao a min- '' ' ister complains that he has been compell- cu lu iiiK.iiiii will iiiiiv iwn nnniB nn no, pocket. Well, how much money 'does a i minister want to lug around with him, , any way. .'-.' '.'i.-.'i : ' - - ,a, ' 1 ' ' ' " 1 i . t&m' A servant girl who was employed " to pickle her master's cabbage, took the ' opportunity to cabbage the master's pick- r " " -MM ,1 UIIIUU tt 1 1 u was happy and careless when she was young; ' aiid .cappy and hairless . hen she was old. '. -r ':,-:, Sr ",Vio is that foreign lady with v the extremely low-cut dress '("'; asked gentleman ot a bystander at a party the other day. "That is Miss Chomisoff, a Uussian lady," was the reply. Who can ' ion nnn m inn cnnin . wnman ... i , a Mnn improve on mat name f ' M&" A Warsaw man saw a war among the wives and widows of Warsaw, and remarks that " of all the wars we ever Saw. WO never saw a war lil-n thn urnr ma saw among tho wives aud widows of Warsaw." t&" " Mother,' what ara blood rcla- , tions?" ' " Why, thcy'are near, relatives, '. my son." " Thcu, mother' repliod the boy, after musing awhile, "you must be " : the bloodiest relation I've got." . ,, . i. : SS? A correspondent says he has a friend who is growing weaker and weak- , er every day, and that he has already ar- , rived at that point whero it is, with,, the, , . greutest difiicultv that ho can ruiso five- ,, dollars. ... tar "Vht, Where's yer brother?" ' " Och, thin, me darlint, he's dead, sir." Hut how did ho die?" ' " Well sir you see, he fell off the scaffold one day whon the priest was talkin' tn him."-' ar i he nay crop must ue a failure in , Laconia, N. H., for the local journal says " that grasshoppers have got lame tryin" ' ' to hop from one blade of grass to an other." - . 'fJrAyoung man who was sent to ; Maine to examine tho condition of a mill after a late freshet, reported by due course of mail as follows i " I find a dam by (ha miJl-sito, but no mil by a dam-site' ' 1 ' -L-: - ' ' - ' JVsh- 'lliugs. says'! "Never do ' 1 any work before breakfast. ; If it jg neci'; essary to work before breakfast have your ' ' breakfust first." J