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FnLZiVloZllT' AN INDEPENDENT EAMILY NEWSPAPER. r4i
Vol. "V. Now Bioomftold, Xn., Tuesday, October 3, 1871. - TVo.'lO.
J Published Weekly,
At New Bloomfleld, Tena'a.
BY
FRANK MORTIMER.
BUIISCIIII'TION TERMS.
tfil.r5 PIC 11 YKAIt!
75 Cents for 6 Months ; 40 Cento
or 5 Months,
IN ADVANCE.
WOMAN'S EIGHTS.
Dennis McFlynn has been thinking about
"woman's rights," and his excited Imagination
llnds vent as follows:
Hurrah for tho time that is cotnln',
Whin ladles shall vote like the minj
Och, won't tli polls be a bloomtn'
Wld tlthcrs and crinoline thin!
Election day thin, I am thlnkln'.
Will be the great day of the year,
Whin lasses and lads will be drinkln'
Together the candidates' bear.
What's the use to wrangle wld Biddy
About who the living shall make ;
An' sure. If 't will please her, I'm rlddy
To give up the hod for her sake.
An' be stay I n' all day at the shanty
To 'tlnd the domestic allalrs,
A bollln' the bafe an' peratles,
An' inendlu' the rips an' the tares.
Thin when election approaches.
An' the lasses are marchln' the strate,
Wld big bands ( music an' torches,
An' lllddy Is standing the trate,
I'll be on the sidewalks hurraliln',
For me own darlln' Biddy McFlynn,
Wld a child In my arms, and a drawlu',
A cab wld another one In.
An' when she Is makln' her spaches
Before the great mln of the land,
Sure thin I will lend her my braches,
An' sit by her side on the shtand ;
An' after she's done wld her talkln',
Och, thin how the people will cheer.
An' oft to the polls be a walkln,'
An' voting for Biddy my dear.
An' whin all the votln' Is over.
An' Biddy's elected, sure thin
I'll live like a pig in the clover,
Wld Honorable Mrs. McFlynn;
The shanty I'll quickly be leavln'
An' llvlu' wld Ulegant taste,
Wid a horse and a shay for me drlvln',
And a nigger to wait on the baste.
It's nlver a lie I am spakln',
But thrue every word that I say.
It's myself 'twould nlver be taklu'
The rights of the ladies away i
If a lassie, thinking It proper,
(Should shoulder the mortar and brick,
Bad luck to the thafe that would shtop her
I'd blacken his two eyes pretty quick.
CAPTAIN AMYR'S WOOING.
' X DON'T understand you at U !"
JL said Fierce Trevor to Ilia friend
Ralph Dowey.
" You talk as if I was a conundrum, or
a problem in mathematics," laughed the
young man.
" Bo you are ! Now look here, Dewey,
let's have a clear comprehension of the
matter. Do you love Fanny White."
"Well yes I rather think, on tho
whole, that I'm a little taken with the
sparkling brunette."
"A little taken," mimicked his friend.
"How very enthusiastic you are ! And
she, poor child, is more thau a little takon
with you."
" I flatter myself that you are right."
" Well then why don't you ask her to
marry you?"
" There it is," groaned Dewey, peevishly ;
" you are all in such a hurry. Can't a
. man admire a pretty girl without being
broirght to tank for it tho very next day ?
I tell you I won't be hurried. I'll take my
time about the matter. When I got ready
I'll ask Miss Fanny to marry me and not
before. Now I hope you are satisfied."
" I am very far from being satisfied."
"Can't help that," said Mr, Dewey,
shrugging his shouldors ; but as Miss
White is only your wife's cousin, I really
dou't recognize, your right to catechise
me."
" Does that mean that I am to lalnd my
own business?"
Ralph laughed. " Construe It as you
please only pray dou't bother me any more.
Just see what a delicious place this is for
a midsummer day's tienia ; grass short and
close as velvet long shadows from the nat
ural hedge of hazel bushes the song of
cicadas filling all the air. And I'm so
drowsy."
He threw himself lazily on the grass as
he spoke, flinging his ' cigar into the very
heart of a cluster of wild flowers, and mak
ing an impromtu pillow of his arms crossed
underneath hU head.
" Bleep, then, you indolent disclplo of
Morpheus!" said Trevor,a little contemptu
ously. "I can't afford to loso the bright
est hours of a goldon (lay liko this."
And, parting the overhanging bushes of
the hazel copse with both hands, he van
ished out of the green little doll and went
his way, leaving Ralph Dewey to dream iu
sylvian solitude.
Our hero had not lain there many min
utes, however, before the soft chime of girl
voices sounded through the tiny bugles of
summer insects and tho monotonous mur
mur of the green boughs overhead.
" Girls-fgirls 1" muttered Mr. Dewey,
indistinctly ; cau't a fellow bo clear of
them anywhoro ? But they are on tho oth
er sido of tho copso, that's one blessing, and
if I keep quiet they will never beat up my
ambush."
They wcro on tho other side of tho copse
three bright haired and bright faced girls
in white, fluttering raiment, with much
gleam of ribbons and sparklo of rings and
feminino gewgaws.
"It's so dolightfully cool here," said
Ilildcrgrado Aymcr, a fair blondo, as Sax
on as her name.
" And ono can talk hero," said Mary
Bell. "At tho hotol with promonadors on
the piazza and the partition walls being as
thin as paper, one is never certain of not
being overheard."
Mr. Dowey gavo a silent inward chuckle
just at this juncture. If " walls have oars,'
so havo hazel hedges occasionally.
Fanny White loaning against the twisted
stem of a veteran old wild-grape vine,devo
ted hor whole attention to her parasol
handle.
She was tho prettiest of the three, a dark
Andalusian looking gipney, with deep
liquid brown eyes and hair black as the
blackest jet, whilo her skin, just touched
with tho creamy tint that characterizes tho
Creole, glowed carmine ou either check
and her lovely rose of a mouth, ripe and
red and roguish, gave expression to the
whole piquant face.
" Fanny, do let me try," said Ilildcr
grado. "It will be such a splendid joke;
and your English adorer is so long in mak
ing up his mind."
" But what will Captain Amyor think ?"
" He'll be delighted J men always glory
in a bit of spiey mischief, and Kent is such
a splendid actor."
"Do, Fanny !" arguod Mary Bell. "It
will be just for all the world like the thea
tre. Ilildergrade's brother is to protend
to be desperately in love with you, and you
are to encourage his attentions, until that
slow-moving Ralph Dowey is brought to
the proposing point, fairly maddened with
jealousy. How I shall enjoy the progress
of tho situation I" and she clapped her
small plump bands gleefully.
"But your brother must fully understand
the scheme," said Fanny hesitatingly.
"Ofcourso! Shan't I explain it to him
myself? There's not a bit of harm in it,
Fanny, and Mr. Dowey certainly needs
some stimulus of this kind. Now, Fanny do
consent 1 Kent will bo here this very even
ing." "She dou't forbid it, Undergrade,"
eagerly cried Miss Boll, " and all the world
knows that silence gives consent. Como ;
don't you see how long the shadows are
getting ? and I want to show you that
delicious little nook down by the river
shore. Besides, we can talk it all over so
nicely thore."
And the three graces fluttered down the
hill-side, laughing and chattering as they
went.
No sooner had the last echo of the
sweet voices died out on tho perfumed air
than Mr. Dowey arose to his feet, and walk
ed deliberately out of his place of conceal
ment. "My dear little girls," quoth he,' by way
of soliloquy, " it is a very clover little plan
but it won't work. " Forewarnod is fore
armed," says the old adage, and I've no
doubt I shall enjoy It as much as Miss Mary
Boll proposes to do."
And Mr. Ralph Dewey laughed aloud, to
think how completely he should outgeneral
his feminine adversaries, with their ally the
army officer, thrown into the bargain.
"I'll keep Fan in suspense another
month, just to pay her for that I" he furth
ermore added within himself. "I like the
girl well enough too a bewitching little
elf, with the finest eyes I ever saw J but for
all that I won't be hurried Into matrimony.
Fanny shall wait my royal will and pleas
ure!" . 1 ,
Knowing" what he knew, thorefore, Mr.
Dewey was not at all surprised that evening,
when he walked into the hotol drawing
room, to soe a Ull, stylish young man In
the uniform of a captain in the regular
army, sitting on tho sofa, and being very
devoted to Miss White. Captain Amyr
had cntorod with all his heart and soul in
to the little bit of strategy, and flirted with
his sister's frlond, as Mary Bell said, "just
as naturally as life."
"Let 'em work," said Mr. Dewey, and he
sat down to play backgammon with a pret
ty little widow whom ho know. Fanny
watched him from beneath her eyelashes.
" It doesn't produce any effbet at all upon
him the brute," said Undergrade who
had expected to see the recreant lover
brought to capitulating terms at onco.
"That's because we don't put it on
strong enough," said the Captain " Fanny
I may call you Fanny, mayn't I ?"
"Oh, certainly," said tholittlo brunotto,
" it's all In the play."
" Well, then, Fanny, I think we ought
to promenndo through the hull arm in arm
a littlo while, and if we wcro to whisper
instead of speaking out aloud "
Fanny laughed and blushed and consent
ed, and tho wholo evening long sho and tho
doughty captain exchanged very common
place remarks in very confidential whispers,
while Mr. Dewey and the widow played
backgammon serenely.
"I like this," said Captain Kent to his
sister, when Miss White had gono to her
room, and Mr. Dewy was smoking his last
cigar on the lawn. "Sho's tho prettiest
girl I ever saw."
"Oh, but, Kent," cried tho alarmed Ilil
dcrgrado, "you mustn't fall in love with
her I That wasn't in tho bargain'"
" I shall not full in love with hor there
is no danger," said Kent Amyr; "but I
say its such fun t I'm bo much obliged to
you for suggesting it, Hildorgrade."
Fanny cried herself to sleep that night.
Ralph Dowey didn't seem to care a pin
whether she flirted with Captain Amyr or
not.
The next day she went out horseback
riding with tho Captain. Kent sat on his
horse like a centaur, and Fanny came back
rosy as a whole bed of carnations.
" Are you going with us to the Cedar
falls to-morrow, Fanny ?" asked Mr. Dew
ey that evening. . ' We said something
about going together a wock or so ago,
didn't we?"
Fanny was ready with her lesson.
"Did we? I had forgotten ; besides, I
promised to go with Captain Amyr."
Oh, well, all right, I hod just as soon take
Julia Symington."
Fanny's scarlet lip quivered, but Hildor
grade shook her head vehemently at hoi,
and sho did not call back tho young En
glishman, as had been her first impulse.
Captain Amyr proved a most dovoted
cavalier, and Fanny half reproached her
self that she enjoyed tho day so much
without Iialph's society.
" It's very wrong of mo," sighed Fanny
to Hildorgrade Amyr, her faithful confi
dant. "No, it isn't ; it's just exactly right," re
sponded Hildorgrade.
" I I begin to be afraid ho don't care
for mo," hazarded Fanny.
"He's a brute 1" confidently asserted her
friend ; "and it would serve him right if
you nover looked at him again."
So tho glowing midsummer days ciopt
by, and Mr. Dowey held aloof, hugging him
self to see how he was outwitting the girl
conspirators, though an occasional twinge
of jealousy now and then passed through
his mind ; aud Captain Kent and Fanny
played very industriously at making lovo. '
Presently there was a sore outcry among
the allied forces. An order had como from
the inexorable War Department, and tho
Captain must go somowhere on the flowery
frontiors of Florida straightway. . .
Ralph Dewey was delighted.
"The matter was beginning to get a lit
tle serious," he thought, " and just as soon
as that confounded puppy in the gold shoulder-straps
gets away, I'll make Fan a happy
woman. May be, though, it' would be woll
to punish her for a few days longor. I'll
see how matters look." ,,, ","
"Oh, Fanny ! Fanny, aren't you sor
ry?" sobbed affectionate. Undergrade cling
ing round her tall brothor, whose face was
unwontedly grave. ' . ,
"Yes, Undergrade," said Fanny, "I'm
very sorry." ,. !.,.
. Captulu Kent Amyr looked penetratingly
Into her face. There wore real tears quiv
ering and sparkling on her jetty eye-lashes,
and the roses had all paled away from hor
cheeks. . ' ' " ' ' i
"Fanny 1" he said, impetuously, "is It
from your heart that yon regret my depar
ture?" Fanny silly little oreature that she was
began to cry, and Ilildcrgrado rushed
forward.
"Oh, Kent! Kent! yon promised that
you wouldn't fall iu lovo hor."
" A man isn't responsible for his fate,
and I havo fallen in lovo with hor," ex
claimed tho young officer. " Speak, Fun
ny I am I to love in vain ?"
Fanny tried to laugli hysterically.
" Of of course , nil this is only part of
tho programme," she faltered.
"By Jovo, but it's not I" criod Kent
Amyr, " what was jest at first, has become
earnest now. I love you, Fanny I love
you better than my own life ; I cannot leave
you here to become the bride of a self-conceited
puppy. Fanny, tell mo that I
may hope."
Ilildcrgrado seized both hor friends'
hands.
" Sho loves you, Kent she loves you ! I
can see it in her eyes !" sho criod, exult
Ingly. "Stand aside, Hildorgrade," said Amyr,
iu a firm, though very gentle tone. " I
have the first right hero. She is mine
now."
And ho took hor tenderly to his broad
true breast.
Yes it was truo that tho littlo morsel of
acting had become strong, life-long reality.
Kent and Fanny had played nt "lovers"
until lovo, the sly rogue, crept into their
hearts, with almost unperccived footsteps.
"Are you happy, Fanny ?" demandod
the exigent army officer when all was set
tled, and Ilildcrgrado hod gone to tell Mary
Bell, as a " great secret," how tho littlo
stratagem had ended.
" Oh, Kent," whispered Fanny, " I nov
er know what true happiness was before."
And Captain Kent Amyr must have been
unreasonable indeed, not to bo satisfied
with that answer.
So he departed for the everglades of Flo
rida, carrying in his tender keeping the lov
ing littlo heart of Fanny White.
Ralph Dewey, contemplated the depar
ture of Hildorgrade' s brothor with no small
degree of satisfaction.
"Now'smy chance," ho thought.- "I
guess, on the whole, I'll not keep her in sus
pense any longor, poor child ; nor myself,"
ho added. " I only wanted to lot them
soo that I wasn't to bo coerced."
Mr. Dowey proposed accordingly, in due
form and ceremony, that very day.
" I am so sorry, Mr. Dewey," said Fan
ny, looking provokingly lovely in hor con
fusion ; " but I'm engaged." -
"Engaged 1" roared the Englishman.
" Yes to Captain Amyr."
"Now, Fanny," said Ralph, argumen
tivoly, "whore's the use of carrying out
this pretense any longor? Of course I
know it's all a Btratagem."
"But it isn't a Btratagem," replied Fan
ny, indignantly ; " I love him, and he loves
me, and there's my ring."
Tho hold up her pretty forefinger, as she
spoke, whereon glittered a solitaire dia
mond. " And you'll please not call mo 'Fanny'
any more," added the rnerclloBS beauty.
So Mr. Ralph Dewey found himself out
mancevered by Fanny aud her officer after
all, aud accordingly retreated in as good
order as possible. Whilo Fieroo Tre vor,
Miss Boll, Hildcgrade, and all the rest re
turned a unanimous verdict of " Just ex
actly what he deserved."
A Change of Weather.
While the lost century was flourishing
there dwelt in what is now a famous city,
not a mile from Boston, an opulent widow
lady, who once afforded a queer Illustration
of that compound of incompatiblos, "hu
man nature." It was New Year's Eve,
during one of those old-fashioned winters
which were so bitter cold. The old lady put
on an extra shawl, and as she hugged her
shivering frame she said to her faithful ne
gro servant:
. "It's a terrible cold night, Scrip. I am
afraid my poor neighbor, Widow Green,
must be suffering. Take the wheelbarrow,
Sorlp, Ull it full of wood pile on a good
loadand tell the poor woman to keep her
self warm and comfortable. But before
you go, Scrip, put some more wood on the
fire, aud make me a nice mug of flip."
' Those last orders were duly obeyed, and
the old lady was thoroughly warrned.inside
and out. Aud now tho trusty 8cl;lo was
about to depart on his errand of mercy,
when his considerate mistress interposed
again : ' .
" Stop ! Scrip ! You need not go now.
Tho weather has moderated."
Humorous' Biographical Sketches.
BY FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
Plutarch I only know of this gentlemon
by reputation. Ho is spoken of in the
plural number. "Plutarch's Lives" is a
common expression, but how many thero
was of him I am not prepared to say.
General Duke of Wellington An officer
of the British army. Mr. Longfellow
makes honerablo mention of him as the
" Warden of tho Cinque PortB." Cinquo
means five, and he was the proprietor of
five principle points, usually denominated
Five Points. He lived to a ripe old ago
aud died.
Julius Caesar Son of old man Caesar.
Ho was born in Rome in his infancy, and
upon arriving at the state of manhood
became a Roman. Ho was a lighter and a
warrior of somo note. His friend Brutus
ono morning asked him how many eggs
he had eaten for breakfast, and ho replied,
Et tu Brute " His friend became enraged
at being called a brute, and stabbed Caesar
quito dead.
Mahomet Author of the Koran, an ex
citing romance, which ho wrote in the
Mammoth Cave at Mecca. Ho was the
author of a religious creed, to which ho
stuffed Turkey, and tried to get up a broil
in Greece, but failed. Many of his early
followers suffered groat persecutions. Some
of them were burnt at the stake. Ho had
threo temples one at Mecca, and one on
each sido of his head.
Guy Fawkes A warm-hearted, impul
sive Englishman, who believed the Parlia
ment too good for this earth, and devised
an expeditious method of elevating the
members to a bettor sphore. He was inter
rupted in his disinterested benevolence,
and was subsequently burnt in a place
called effigy.
A Story about General Cass.
John Guy bore a striking resemblance to
General Lewis Cass, and whilo he was pro
prietor of the National Hotol, in Washing
ton, the Michigan Senator was among his
favored guests. Guy dressed like Cass,
and although not as portly, his face, includ
ing the wart, was strangely similar. One
day a Westora friend of the house came in
after a long rido, dusty and tired, and walk
ing up to tho office encountered General
Cass, who was quiotly standing there. Mis
taking him for Guy, he slapped him on the
shoulder and exclaimed : " Well, old fellow,
here I am ; the last time I hung my hat up
in your shanty, one of your clerks sent mo
to the fourth story ; but now that I have
got hold of you, I insist upon a lower room."
The General, a most dignified personage,
takon aback by this saluto, coldly replied :
"You have committed a mistako, sir. I
am not Mr. Guy ; I am General Cass, of
Michigan," and angrily turned away. The
Western man was shocked at the uncon
scious outrage he had committed ; but
before be had recovered from his mortifica
tion, General Cass, who had passed around
the office, confronted him again, when a
second time mistaking him for Guy, ho.
faced him and said : "Here you are at lust.
I have Just made a devil of a mistake ; I
met old Cass and took him for you, and I
am afraid the Mlchigandor has gone off
mad." What General Cass would have
said may well bo imagined, if the real Guy
had not approached and reseuod the inno
cent offender from the twice-assailed, and
twico-angered statesman.
Buttons.
The first manufacturer of buttons in the
United States was Samuel Williston.
While he was dragging along as a country
storekeeper his eyes having failed him
while studying for tho ministry his wife
bethought hor that Bbe could cover by
hand the woodon buttons of the time, and
thus earn an honest penny. From this the
couple advanced in their ambition until
they had perfected machinery for covering
buttons, the first employed for tho purpose
in the United States. From this sprang
an iinmenso factory, and then others. His
factories are still running at Eostliamton,
coining wealth for the. proprietors, and
known to every dealer in buttons tho world ',
over. He Is now between 70 and 80 years
of ace. is worth five or six million dollars.
and has glvon $40,000 to Easthampton for
a seminary aud lor churches, (200,000 to .
South Ueadly Female Seminary, and f 300,-.
000 to Amherst College, besides lessor gifts,
'' tfA baby who kissos bis mother and
fights his father, may be said to be partial
to bis ma ana martial to his pa.