ic imc0, Ncm Bloomftcl )a.
Bloomfiold Academy!
An English and Classical School
Fon
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
Young Men Prepared For College,
A Kornutl ijchonl and a School of Art.
FALL TEHM COMMENCES
On Monday, the 2Sih of August, 1871
AHtlie above school lias recently been re-organ-Izcd,
students ennentor any time. , ,
J'rof. VM. II. 1)11,1., a graduate of ItutKcr's,Col
leire, N. .1., l'rineip.il.
Miss ANNA H. AlKlSl'l'iHiKH, a graduate of
Kstlier Institute. Columbus, Oliln, teacher of Mu
sic, rainling, Drawing, French and (lennaii.
Kvery facility for the training of the youth of hoth
sexes in all that constitutes u liberal and thorough
education.
Tlio Colloglntc Department
embraces nil tho higher branches. Including thn
Latin and (ireek Languages. Engineering, rraell.
eal Purveying, l.ilerainre, Natural Science undad
yaneed Mathematics.
Vacations: July and August, and one week at
Christmas.
Terms: For Hoarding. Furnished lioom, ash
ing. Tuition in Latin, lireek, Knglish Ilrnnrhesaiid
laiiieinaucs, inr inn scuoinsuu aenr, cioo. i
ill vacations. S'Jdd.on.
1, I U.,nrf,n,t la nl 41. n 1 1, ut 1 1 I 1 1 1
J lit' 1, I" ('ill llll, II, I - 111 mi' I nr., ,, mi, ,n,
under the supervision of Wiliam drier, Ksq., liy
whom good and substantial board will lie fur
nished : and the pupils will be under the strict euro
of the i'linciiial. Address
W. If. DILL. A. M. Principal,
WILLIAM liMKl!.
fit
New ltloomlleld, Terry county, Pa.
Photographs !
Pliotosraiilis !
JACOli COJiLlJ,
Photographic Artist,
NE WJ'OJl T, l'EXX'A.
Til E subscriber would respectfully call the at
tendon of tho citizens of this county to tho
laet. that ho Is prepared to take I'llOTUU'RAPHH
in the best style of the art. His long experience
enables him to produce
riCTURKS wiiwit caxxot jsn i:x-
(JELLED.
All persons are requested to call at his rooms and
examine specimens.
J'artlciilar attention given to copying likenesses
of deceased persons, and great care will be taken
to furnish
Good Pictures cf Children.
Framing material and a good assortment of frames
always on hand, anil for sale at low prices.
J A COli COBLE, Artist,
Kewport, Perry Co., Pa
THE BEST IN USE
THE PAR HAM
NEW FAMILY
S e w I n g Ma c h i n e
IT combines all the best lettturcs of other good
machines, with
New and Valuable Improvements,
which make It
THK EASIKKT AND MOST QUIET KUNNIN'iJ
an well as the
Ut Simple Machine lu IV.
ir H ILL HEM
IT WILL JlliAW,
IT WILL TUCK,
IT WILL GATHER,
IT WILL QUILT,
and will use either 811k, Cotton, or Linen Thread
with equal ease.
Jtusesa straight needle and makes a stitch
ALIKE ON BOTU SIDES.
'J he priucliial ofllce of the company is at
Vo, 701 Chettnut Street,
J-IIILAUELI'IIIA.
These machine are for sale In 1'erry Comity by
JAMES L. DIVEN,
Landisburg.
F. 1'IOETIMEE & CO.,
New Eloomfleld.
-7Ve public are invited to call at either of the
vlme placet und tee a Machine in operation.
Pensions, Bounties, &c.
!
WIDOWS, Minor Children, Mothers, Fathers.!
tie., of Soldiers w ho were killed or died of
disease contracted In the Kei-vlc, of the United :
btjiles, can now make aiillcatioit for 1'enslon. ,
Also ivjiiiiers who couiracieii uisease or were
wounded, ruptured, or lu any way disabled In the
war of
When widows die or re-marry, the child or
children under sixteen years of age are entitled to
a I'enslou.
The time for riling claims for additional bounty
lias been extended six mouths.
Particular attention Riven toold suspended case
in the dllterent departments at Washlniitoii, D. C
If you have, or tliluk you have a claim auainst the
ioverniiient, call on or address the undersigned.
.No charge for Information.
Limn roTTKii,
Attorney for Claimants,
4 31 ' NEW BLOOMFIHLD, PA
f
A GREAT MEDICAL DISCOVERY
9 Sr. WAT.KrR'3 CALIFORNIA
VINEG-AE BITTERS
Hundreds of Thousands
Bear testimony to their Wonder
fill Curative Ktfccts.
It?
S 9
oh it
TltEt AltK KOT A VILE
C - "'-- Al.JJi Ally V1J-.GI ' j 8
si FANCY DRINK.it!
Mariner Poor Kum. Wtilnftcr, Frf Fnlritn
nml JlefUao lilqiiura doctored, r,plccd nnd w. tt.
tucd to pleaootho tnatc, or.llcd " Tonlcp,"" jipt::
ct'L-," ' iU'Etorcre," ac, tli&t lead tlio tippler en to
urunl;nncG8 ond ruin, but oroctn:c Medicine, i:
from tlio Katlvo I Coots and Ilcrbiior CilKor::la, frva
I'rmii nil Alcoholic tStimiiimitu. Tt.cvtio
GKKAT KliOOU PCH Il'lUIt nml A 1.1 1 C
GIVING VJt I N CI TLB a perfect HcMovi'tjr i::-.a
Jnvlgorator of tho tjbUn:, carryJug oti all ioif-oru;;:.j
matter und rcttorina tlio blyotl to it liecltdy ccndltlrn.
y.o person cl.ii taUo thtr.o Jiitturo liccordii-u iu tiivi
tloo nnd romninlcng unwell. '
- 6100 wtllbo clvenforoa InnnraMo cw, rn.vV.a:
the bom-s Bro cit destroyed by in!iui..l -!i :i cr
other means, and tho vital organs waeud b. yo:.,l
point of repair.
Vur Inllaniiiiutory nml Chronic lMicninri
t.nm nml Uaut9 DyHpcpwln. ttv IndiucMiioo,
liilidiiH, ltomlitcut and litrcrniitli'iit Fevcru
IHMcaKOB ol' tli Itlond, lAvevt lvidncya, ni:;l
Itlatldur, thcBO Hitters huvo been moet bucccc
fill. Mtch lilscnHi'fi oro cr.utcd ly Viiitttrtl
liluod, which isKeneriilly produced bj dLiangoutiit,
ol the IJi'CHiIvc Orimiin.
ache, Polu In tho bhouK.evti, Couuhn, Tjglitnci a ol tha
Chest, Uizzlnccg, Bour liructatlons of tlio fctcmach,
l;ad taste in tlio Mouth, EUouj Attucl, I'alpltation
of tho Heart, Xnftaniniatlcn of tho Lungs, Tamil tha
regions of tho Kidneys, nnd a hundred other piwilul
Byinptoms, nro tho ouprln;r3 cf Dyt peptk' .
Thty lnvlRorcto tho BtouiacU tud Btimnlato tnu tor
pid Uvcr cad bowelc, which render them of unequal let'.
cClcacylu clean ting tho blood of til Impuritlco, und
Imparting new llfo and vii;or to tho wholo cyntcm.
1-OIt MtIN IHt Lruptlons, Totter, Bolt
Hhcum, Blctchcu, Bpots I'lmplcp, l'usiult 8(Doll8, Ccr
bancleo, Iil:iG-Y.'oiii:n, beftld-Uend, Coro Eyes, Erysip
elas, Itch, Bcurlfe, lJincoloratloiia of tho t3kin, iiumora
and DIbciwcs of tho bldn, of whr.tovor name or nature,
oro literally cVjs up aiidci-.nled out of thotyotcmln a
short time by tho uao of these Hitters, Ono bottlo In
such cubcb will convince tho mout Incredulous oi their
curative ofloct,
Clcaueo tho Vitiated Jiftod wlicnovor you find Us
Impurities burBthiK throuRh tho sklu In Pimples, Erup
tions or boTi.o ; tic anno It when you And It obstructed
and MukkIpIi lu tho veins; clcnusa it when It Is foul,
and your fecltu;;8 will loll you when. Kcp tho blood
pure and tho htMth uttlic byt tem will follow.
PIN, TAriitir.dothcrWOIMliS, lurhius In tlio
system of bo many thousands. :vru cflcotunlly destroy
ed and removed. J or lull directions, read carefully
tho circular urcuud each bottlu, printed In Hur lan
guages EnpllMi.tJcniiLn, i'n ucli aud bpaulalu
J.WALEKn, ProprlLU;r. II. II. Mc DONALD & CO.,
Druggists and Uen. Agents, tun 1'ruucibco, Col,,
and 63 and Si Coinuierco Struct, Hew York.
tVSOLD DT ALL intUOGIKTS AXO 1EALEU3.
1780 TAKE JNOTICE. 1871
Are You Afflicted or Sick ?
P AHRNE Y'S
BLOOD CLEANSER
on
1 A N A C K A. Z
AN Alterative and Cathartic, or Tonic and
Purtfc, lor diseases arising from bad Mood.
Tliis preparation was established In 18T0,and
lias been prepared In ii'uW form for more than
18 years. In Junuary or February, 1870, anoth
er party commenced to prepare a similar artlclo
which 1b Inferior to the genuine, and which
should not be mistaken for ours. Ask for"Dit.
FAiiKNEv'ti Blood Cleans). n on Fanacea,"
and accept no others.
The Trade Mark of the oldest and genuine,
is printed In green on a yellow wrapper, hav
ing also the signature of 1'. Fahruey, M. D.,
Chicago.
" iJr. r. Fahmcy't Health Mcttcnger" gives
the history and uses of the Blood CleatiHEH,
testimonials, und other information, scut free
charge. Address
Dh. P. Fahkney's Bhotiikhh & Co.,
Waynesboro, Franklin County, Pa.
Ask for Dr. Fabrney'g Blood Cleunser and
CLEANSE YOUIt BI.OOI).
t-f Sold everywhere and In Now Blootnlleld
by F. MonTlMRii & Co., only. 5 18
CLOTHING MADE TO ORDER!
A CHOICE AfcSOKTMF.NT OF
CASSI3IK11ES,
Always on hand, from which to select.
Clotliiiit;
MADE TO
Made
ORDER- 41 H . JTi I CI.0T1I IN(J
READY-MADE CLOTHING of Bupcrlor
Quality always on hand.
J Mortimer ,0 Co.,
Murcb lfl, 'CO. New Blooinlleld, I'a.
f Perfectly Non - Explosive Lamp!
PKKKINM& IIOUHKrATKNT I.AMI'H are
the only Ijimp that (Iivks PKitrrx-r Hapkty
with ai.i. kiniis or on. 1 hey are maile ol hrass,
and will last lifetime, making them the
CHEAPEST LAMP IN THE WORLD.
The iiuderslisned are Agents for Perry County,
and will supply Merchants at the Manufacturers'
juice. Persons wanting a good article are re
quested to examine this lamp.
V. MOHTIMKU CO.,
New IUoonitteld, To.
tS. Agents wanted to canvass the County.
a. r, i . . .
WHAI AKt THEY? g
t
Hi
ls
rlEF
CONSUMPTION.
ITS CURE AND ITS PREVENTIVE.
J. H. SCHEHCK, M. B.
Msnp a human hetnjr tins pased nwny for whoso
death there whs another renson than tlienrKleetuf
known und lndtspiitaldy proven ihmuiis ot' care.
Those near and dear to rnmlly nnd friends are
rdecplnj? th dreamless shluihur Into which, had
thev calmly adopted
iic josei'ii if. KnirsrrK'si Ninri.E
TMKiTHKNT,
and availed tlipniselves or his wondorfally elTtca
clons niedlelnes, they would not have fallen.
Ilr. behenek lias lu tits own ease proved that
wtierever snfllclent vltiililv renialns, Unit, vitality,
hy his medicines and his directions lor their use, Is
quickened Into heallhnil vior.
In this statement there Is nothing presumptuous.
To ttie faith of the Invalid Is made no representation
that Is not ft thousand times nolmlantiated hvllvtlifr
and vIMhlo works. The theorv of tho care liv Jlr.
Hchenck's medielaes ts as simple as It Is mini'lllm-'.
Its phllnsnjihy re(nlres no argnmeut. It Is sull-us-siirhifr,
spll-convlncla-c.
The Sea-weed Tonleand Mandrake Pills are tlio
first two weapons with which the citadel of tlio
maladv Is assailed. Two-thirds of tlie cases of con
snnipllnn ordinate In dyspepsia and a functionally
disordered liver. Willi tills condition the bronchial
tubes "sympathize" with the stomach. Thev re
spond to iheinorlillleactlon ot'the liver. Itere'then
ionics the eiilmlnathiK result, and tho setting in,
with all lu, Uistrc-ln svmploms of
4'0N!.1II'TI4IS,
The Mandrake Pills are ctanposecl of one of Na
tnre's nohiest nifts-tlio l'odophilhmi ivltntiim.
llo'.v posness all the hlooil-scarchliiK, allerative
propertlen r,r ealonicl. lint, niiltke ealnmel, they
"I.EAVF, SIO STIXJ ItKII IM."
The work of cure is now lieuliialnif. The vitiated
and mucous deposits In the how-els and In the ali
inenlary canal are ejected. Tho liver, like n clock.
Is wound up. Jt srouses from lis torpidilv. 'I'ho
stomach acts lespiiNsivelv, and the patient Ueuius '
to l'cel that he 't ceitinir, at IiimI,
A HI I'I'I.V ' 4'l m.oon.
The Sea-weed Toole. In ronliiiieilou W illi the Pltls,
lermi'ates and aslmilales with the rood, t'hylili
cation ts now pmnre.sslii'- willinut Us previous" tor
tures. Dljiestion hecomes painless, and tliccnrois
seen to ImmiI hand. Tle-n- is no more flatulence, no
exacerbation or the stnmaeh. An appetite sets lu.
Now comes the rreatcst Ulnod J'lirillet' ever vet
plven by an lii'luieent father to sullerliig man.
Sehenck's Piilmoiilc Syrup enmes In to perform Its
inactions ami lo hasten and complete the cure. It
enters ut once upon lis work. Mature can not tie
cheated. It oollocls and ripens the Impaired and
ilineased portions of ih Iiiuks. In the form of
catherlnirs. It prepares them for expectoration, and
lo! In a very short lime the malady Is vaiuiuWhed,
the rotten throne that It. occupied Is renovated and
made new, and the lialient, lu all thndlunitvnr re
(rained vlitor, slops forth to enjoy the uiuuliood or
womanhood that was
avi: n as i.omt.
The second llilnir Is, the patients must Slav In a
warm room until they ixel well ; it Is almost lin pos
sible to prevent h.kliiKcold when tho Innits are dis
eased, Imt It must he prevented or a cure can not he
elici ted, Tresli air mid ridincoiit, espcclallv III Ibis
section ot'the country, lu tho fall und whiter sea
son, aro all v.ronr. I'hvteians who recommend
that course lose their patients. If their limns am
hailly dif eased; and vol, because thevareln the
house they mast not sit down tjuiet: thev must walk
"bout Ihe room as much and us fast a.s the streliKIll
will hear, to k-et up a xood eln nlation ol' blood. Thn
pallcnt must keep lu k I spirits be determined
to K'l well. This has a ureal ileal to do with tin,
upliollle. and Is the ureal j oint to (tain.
To despair of cure aller such evidence of Its pos
sibility lu the worst cases, and moral certainly In
all others is sbn'ul. Ilr. Kcln nek'H personal state
ment to tlio l aculty of Ids own euro was iu theso
modest words :
" Many years airn T was In the last staires of con
sumption; confined to my bed, and at one time mv
physicians tlioiiKhtthat 1 could not llveaweck; then,
like adniwnliiK man eatctilc); at si raws, I heard of
and obtained the preparations which I now offer to
the public, and they made a perfect cure of me. It
peeuied to mo that I could ftsa them penetrate my
Molo system. They soon ripened the matter lu my
1 Wiirs, and I would spit up more tliauaplntofoireu
aive yol low mailer every uioriilnir for a lonif time.
"As soon us that beitau to subside, my coiiith,
fever, jialns, and ulkdit-sweats all lieiran to leave me,
and mv appetllo became so Kroat that It was with
allliculty that I could keep from eHtlaij too much.
I oon Kalued my alroutftli, und have grown iu llesh
ever since.
"I tus welched shortly after my rccovcrv," added
the Iioclor, " tlien hniklng like a mere skclclon ; my
welirht was only nlnetv-seven pounds; my present
welts-lit Is two hundred and twentv-flve pounds,
nnd for years I huve enjoyed uninterrupted health."
nr. Schenek lias discontinued Ilia professional
visits to .New York and Ilostnu. Jle or his son, Dr.
J. H. Schenek, Jr.. sllll coulltuie to see patients at
their Utile, No. 15 North slith Htreet, I'hlladelphla,
every Saturday from 9 A.M. to 8 P.M. Those who
wish a thorough examination with tho Kcsnlro
nieterwlll bechuritiHl tj.1. The Resplrometerdeclares
the exact condition of the luiijrs, and pntlenta can
readily learn whether they are curable or not.
'I lie directions for taking the misllclnen ure adapt
ed to the lutnlllirelice even or a child. Follow theso
directions, and kind Nature will do the rest, except
ing; that In some cases the Mandrake Pills art to be
taken In Increased doses; the three medicines need
no other accompaniments than the ample Instruc
tions that accompany thenit First creal-e appetite.
Of returning health, hunger Is the most welcome
symptom. When It cornea, as it will come, let the
ilesiialrlng at once he of good cheer, aood blood at
once follows, the cough loosens, the night-sweat Is
abated. Ins short time both of these morbid ivmn.
toms are gone forever.
Ilr. hchenck's medicines are eonatantij. kept In
tens of thousands of families. As a laxative or pur
gallve, the Mandrake Pllla are a standard prepara
tion; while I be Pulmonic Hyrup, as a cureof cougba
and colds, may lie regarded as a prophylaclerlo
against consumption lu any of Its forms.
1'rlcs of the Pulmonic Syrup and Hea-weed Tonic.
.riO a bottle, or $7.60 a half doren. M andrake PIIIb.
Zi ceuts a hox. For sale by all druggists and dealers.
J-Joiinson, IlohixiwAY ! Cow'dks, 602 Arch
Hlici't, l'hilaileliihia, Wholesale Agents. 5 23 ly
ISTEW YORK
CONTINENTAL
, . i . ,
.7
Life Insurance Company,
OK NEW YORK,
STlilCTL V M VTUA L !
AHKt'tH, s l,r , !
IHHliKH Blithe new forms of rollcles, and rc"
tu'iits as favorable turum as any company in Hie
United Hlntcs.
'I he Conipany will make temporary loans on Its
rollcles.
Thirty days' urace allowed on each payment, and
tlio jKillcy held kihhI diirlni; Hint time.
I'oliclos issued hy tills Company arc nun-forfeiture.
No extra charees arp made for traveling nRrmlts.
Policy. holders share lu the annual profits o( the
Company, and have a vnloe lu tlie elections und
IiiuiiaKemi-iit of tlii'Coiupany.
No policy or medical fee churned.
.Irert s LAwaitNi k, l'rcs't.
M. H. Wknkoop, Vice l'les'L
J. r.lttxiEiut, Hec'y.
J. K. JCATON.
(icuciul Agent,
No. ' North Third Street,
4.2wyl Collt ye llloi, HaiTlshurg, l'a.
1 ? V. I. S O H
AND . r
SUN UMBRELLAS,
WE HAVE THEM.
F. MORTIMER & CO.,
NEW ItUJOMKIKIJ), fA.
$300
COMMUTATION WOJtUY,
The alHive amount will b refotmded to all sol
diers wlio were drafted while In the service, and
who paid t.'iou commutation money; and also to all
liersons who paid commutation money w ho were
not legally liable to draft. Claims must be tilled
before the 1st of March, 1871. Call on, or addrets,
LEWlh) 1'OTTEK. Attorney for Clulinanls.
New blooinlleld, Pa.
Hair llcstorative I
Contains Nf) I.Aft Sfl.riunt No SCOAU OK
J.KAD No I.ITHAlttlK No N1TKATK OK
SI I ,V V.W. a ml Is entirely frcn t'rom tlie l'olsonous
nnd lleiillh-ilcstro.viiiK 'J)nigs used in other Hair
rrcpiirutioiis.
Ti anspnrent and clear as crystal. It will not soil
the finest fiibric perlcctlv SAP'H, CI, HAN, and
KKKICIUNT ilcsiilcnituins LON'li SUUdilT
foil AND. FOUND AT J.ANT 1
It, rostorrsand prevents the Hair from hecom
lim dray, imparts a soft, (.'lossy appearance, re
moves Duiiilrult, Is cool and refreshing to tlio
head, checks Ihe Hair from falllne; oil, and restores
It ton (treat extent when pieniaturely lost, pre
vents Headaches, cures all Humors, Culancoiis
Kruptinns. and tinnaf iinil Ileal. AS A UltKSS
IX(i FOItTIIKllAUilT IH'i'HKllKST AUTICL1S
IN I'lllijMAliivia'.
Dr. !. Sinitli, l'atcnleo. (Iiotnn duuctlon, Mass.
Prepared only hy Procter llrolhcrs, (ilottcester,
Muss. The (ienuine ts put uji in a panel buttle,
made expressly for It, w ith tlieiiaino of tlio article
blown In Hie class. Ask yo ur Druwlst for Na
ture's Hair llcstorutive, and take no oilier.
Send a throe cent stamp to Proctor linn, for a
Treatise on the Human Hair. The luformatloii it
contains is worth SoUO 00 to any person,
500 VOLUMES IN ONE.
Afjcuts Wauled.
roil
THE LIBRARY OF POETRY AND SONG
lli iny Choice Sclccliom l-'roin tii Jlcul I'oct,
ljiirlMi, St'olclt, Irish nml American.
With an Introduction
BY AVIl.MA.M I Ll.I.l'V HltYANT.
I'ntlar wliaxc crltlvnt ,oj,ct.oii the rolumc irrm
CHHliH'l.
The handsomest and cheapest subscription
book extant. Over SOU pages, beautifully
printed, choicely illustrated, handsomely
hound. Library of over 50U volume in one
book, whoso contents of no ephemeral nntiiro or
Interest, will never tcrow old or stale. It can
be, nnd will be, read and re-rend witli pleasure
by old and young, us lone; as its leaves hold to
gether. " A perfect surprise. Scarcely anything at
all a favorite, or at all worthy of place here, is
neglected. It lea book for every household.'
X, Y. Mail.
" IVe know of no tlmilur collection in the Kiuj
Mali language which, in copioutttteHH and felicity of
selection and arrangement, can at all compare
vith U."X. Y. Time.
Termt liberal. Belling very rapidly. Send for
circular and Terms to J. B. FOUD & Co., 27
Park Place, N. Y.
NPKOUT & KIIV,
MAMUFACTUKEKS OP
DOORS,
Moulding 8 1
Lt!
Balusters, Newel Posts, Scroll, Sawing,
CIKCULAIt WORK, Ac., &c.,
Made and Warranted from drii material, and
all common sizes ot
DOORS -A Nt) SASH ,
Kept on hand and for sale by the undersigned
a-Send tor I.lst of Prices to
Sl'HOCT AS KJI)V, .
P1CTUHE ItOCKS,
I 'A. Lycoming county, Pa.
w i x t iTit
in ploy in o n t, !
J'KltKJNS 6i IIOISE'S PATENT
NON-EXPLOSIVE
METALLIC KEE0SE1TE LAMP.
Is ahkolutkly safe from explosion or break Iiiki
Iniriis any Coal Oil, kihmI or bad ; gives moiik liout,
no odor, and uses less oil ,
"It Imperfectly non-erplmlre . The light Is bet.
tor than Is produced by any oilier lanm." W. N.
(icrk, President u) Mumtchwsctts Agricultural
cuttctyc,
"It Is perfectly non-cxploslve, Rives a better
lluht and is more econooticnf than unv other lainn
iu use." W. W. H'els, ((e Huperlntewtent of
j-WHtc acnoota, umcuyo.
The aiKtllhin deaths nnd tires from glass lamps
exploding and breaking create a urcat demand for
this lamp. It Ifiin to soil It. Hold by OincttsMrs;
AdKNTS WANTKU KVKKVWIIF.UE . Mend for a CllCU.
lar and terms to Montgomery Jt Co. , Cleveland, O.
it Barclay Htreet, New York.
ARPI.KMIITY A KSOItTMKNm
SJ'I.K.NHlXJ ij5SiOKTMEN X.
OK
DUY-nOODQ
111'. GOOD O,
Suited to the Season,
Are Now Offered for Sule by
T. MORTIMER, & C0.
IViirVV STOlMi !
CIJEAP GOODS!
Til li subscriber liavinu opened a new Btore. one
door Kastol Bweger s Hotel, solicits a share
of the public imtruiinge. He has Just received a
tun supply oi
TV v Goods,
and will constantly keep on hand, a complete as-
soriiueutoi
PRY-GOODS,. .... GROCERIES
QUEEX8WARE HARDWARE,
BOOTH & HJI0E8, HATS CATS.
And Everything elae usuully kept In Stores.
Call and see my stock.
KOB'T. N. WILLIS,
New Illoomfleld, Pa.
42
HUMOROUS ITEMS.
SfaT- An old Yankee bachelor, who
edits a paper somcwhero down East, puts
" Melancholy Accidents " as a head for
marriages in his paper.
Bra?" The question of tho day is, whether
it is moro difficult for a girl of tho period
to get her clothes in her trunk or her
trunk in her clothes.
8S5"" " Tho blessed mnn who preached
for us last Sunday," said Mrs. l'urtington
" served the Lord for thirty years first
its a circus rider, then as a locust preach
er, nud last as exhauster.
B" " You'd better look out for your
boss' feet abovo hero, Mister." said a rag
ged boyto a riding travoler. " Why?"
said tho gentleman, nervously pulling up.
' Cos there's a fork iu the road there,"
was tho candid reply.
tif A liuk-bov nsked Dr. IJurcess,
tho prencher, if ho would have a light.
" Xo, child," says tho doctor.. "I am
ono of tho lights of tho world." " I wish,
then, replied the boy, " you were hung
at the end of our alley, for it is a very
dark one."
SSii? Quabble.H, an old bachelor shows
his stockings which ho had just darned,
to a maiden lady, who contemptuously
remarks,
" l'rctty good for a man darner."
Whereupon tjuabbles rejoins,
"iesgood enough for a woman too,
darn her."
jrKS'A dandy of twenty-six, having
been termed an " old bachelor," npbcaled
to an elderly gentleman to decide whether
he should bo called old or not, giving his
age. " Twenty-six !'' said tho elderly
gentleman, " it is owing to how you take
it. Now, for a man it is young enough ;
but for a goose it is rather old."
U-a?" . Josh Billiugs says: " Most any
man will coincide that it looks foolish to
see a boy drag a hoavy sled up a hill for
the licet iu pleasuro ot ridm down again ;
but it appears to mo that tho boy is a
sago by tlio sido of tho young man who
works hard all the week, and drinks up
his wages on Saturday night."
Bis?" " My dear, como in and go to bed,"
said tho wife of a jolly son of Erin, who
had just returned Irom tho iutr in a
decidedly how-conic-you so state, " you
must bo dreadful tired, sure, with your
walk of six miles." " Arrah ! get away
with your nonsense." t?aid I'at, " it wasn't
the length of tha way, at all, that fatigued
me ; " twas tho Ireudth of it."
fifAn attornov-at-law. who wished
to show his smartness by quizzing an old
lurnicr, Dcgan ty asking mm it tncre
were many "iris in his neighborhood.
" Yes," replied tho oid gentleman,
" there's a dreadful lot of 'em ; so many
there isn't half enough respectable hus
bands for all, and go some of 'em are
begining to take up with lawyers !" Tho
attorney didn't follow up tho subject.
JBaF A few years ago, at a negro camp
nicetin held near Flushing tho colored
preacher said : " I tell you, bclubcd
brcdern, dat tho debblo is a big hog, an'
one of dese days he'll como along an' root
you all out." An old negro in one of the
anxious pews raised himself from the
straw, and clasping bis hands, exclaimod
in the cgony of his tears. " King him 1
ring him !"
jfj Old Deacon Sharp never told a
lie but he used to relate this : lie was
standing one day before a frog-pond, and
saw a large garter snake make an attack
upon an enormous bull-frog. The snake
seized on the frog's hind legs, and the
frog, to be on a par with his snakesbip,
caught him by the tail, and both com
menced swallowing one another, and con
tinued this carniverous operation until
nothing was left of them.
I?A certain citizen in Edinburgh,
noted for his parsimoniousncss, had oc
casion to bury his mother in the family
cemetery in the Highlands. lie hired a
hearse for tho purpose, and on his return
to the city from the funeral, filled the
hearse with smuggled whiskey. A friend
reproved him for his dishonest conduct
under the circumstances, when the canny
Soot replied. "Wou, man, there's nae
harm done. I only took uwa' the body
and brought back the speerit."
jiaT Tho first thing a young man learns'
when he begins to " clerk it " in a store,
is to enquire " Anything else ?" and it is
generally the last thing he forgets. There
is a story of a defunct dry goods clerk
who, after the funeral services were over,
and the undertakor had put the final
screw in the lid of the coffin perparatory
to interment was heard to say in faint
and muffled tones, " Anything else V
a most remarkable illustration of ruling
passion strong in death.
tl&- A Colorado saloon-keeper said of
a rough crowd : " I could'nt got their
whiskey strong enough for them, so, after
trying every way, I at lost made a mixt
ure of poisen oak and butternut. That
fetched them. I called it the shoop
herdcr's delight, and it was a popular
drink. The first Tike I tried it on yelled
with delight; the next one took two drinks
and turned a doublo somerset ia the road
before the house. A pedler came along,
and after he took several drinks of my
sheep-herder's delight, he went off ana
stole his own pack and hid it in the
woods." .