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FRANK MORTIMER,
Editor and Proprietor. $
AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY NEWSPAPER.
jZ'erms; JJV ADVANCE
I One Dollar per Year,
Vol. IV.
TVoav Bloomfiold, X3si., Tecemlov la. 1870.
rv o . 50.
Js Published Weekly,
At New BloomflcM, Fcnn'a.
BY
FRANK MOBTIMEK.
SCMSCKII'TION TKHM8.
ONE DOLLAR PER YEAR!
Oil 10 CENTS I'iClt MONTH,
I1N ADVANCE.
AUNT BETSY'S ADVENTURE.
IT WAS A HOT July afternoon, the air
full of slumberous electricity, and tbo
sunshine, sleeping dreamily on the close
cut grass in front of the Merrificld hotel ;
while down in tho glen, towards the rail
road track, you could distinctly hear tho
fret and ripple of tho trout stream over its
bed of mossy stones.
Mcrrifield was a pretty, sequestered
place, full of pictuesque wood-nooks and
pleasant rambles, and as yet, not over
crowded by the high tido of summer fash
ionables. Moreover, the fare was low, and
the hotel charges moderate and that was
the reason why Miss Betsey Whistleton had
come thither with band-boxes, her tortoise
shell cat, and her niece Ellrida.
Miss Betsy was a tall, squarely-fashioned
maiden lady, stranded somewhere on the
debatable land between forty and fifty,
with a leathery complexion, hair cut
short in the neck, coal black eyes glassy
rather than brilliant and thin, colorless
lips. As the French say, " there are young
maids, .and old maids." Some are perfectly
irresistible in their sunny good humor and
embonpoint more bowitching than any sixteen-year-old
girl, because their arrows are
tipped with the barb of experience. But
Miss Whistleton did not -belong to this
rare and radient" few. Miss Whistleton
was an old maid venomous a radical op
ponent to anything savoring of matri
mony a, believer in catnip tea, total de
pravity, and the approaching end of the
world. And above all things Miss Whis
tleton detested a man.
Little Elfrida was totally difforent. El
frida was just seventeen, with a round,
apple bloom face, eyes as blue as wood
violets, and mischievous dots of pimples,
coming and going, like the impress of
Cupid's finger on her smooth, pink cheek.
And Elfrida wore white dresses, with blue
ribbon fluttering about them, and roses at
her belt, and read poetry tub rota, and- be
lieved in mankind particularly in Tom
Castlewynne.
Consequently, it may easily bo inferred
that Elfrida led a dolorous life of it, with
her aunt Betsey and her Aunt Betsey's pe
culiar views.
This particular afternoon, Miss Betsey sat
bolt upright, engaged in hideous pieces of
patchwork, which had been poor Elfrida's
"black boast" ever since she was tall
enough to wield a needle, and scolded her
niece persistently.
" Don't talk to mo, Elfrida Martin 1" sho
said energetically which was quite unne
cessary for poor Elfie had not opened her
lips in a quarter of an hour "I kuow per
fectly well that it is all through your doing
that Thomas Castlewynne, and his riotous
cigar-smoking friend, have como down to
Merryfleld and taken the room next to
ours the very next room. I should think
you would be ashamed of yourself Elfrida,
to be walking about , the house with him,
and the house full of respectable boarders."
Elite colored here.
" I am sure aunt Betsey, Mr. Castlewynne
is respectable."
" A pettifoging, dissipated, young good-
for-nothing lawyer and Frank Ermine is
no better. Elfrida if you don't stop taking
such long st itches I'll mako you rip them
out again. What I want you to understand
is this : that this love-making business has
got to stop. I won't tolerate Thomas Oas
tlowynno's presumptuous attentions no
not for another day. I'll pack up and leave
Merrifield sooner. Do you hear mo El
frida?" "Yes, aunt Betsey, I hear you."
"Very well, then, I'll troublo you to
heed as well. Perhaps you think I didn't
see you lingering on tho very threshold of
their door this morning, talking nonsense
about the trumpery and wild roses you had
been gathering. On tho the threshold of a
young man's room I Elfrida I don't know
what you are coining to."
"But Aunty, the door was wide open,
and Mrs. Glen was in the hall, and Isabella
Raymond, and Major Farker's daugh
ters "
" I don't care whether tho twelve tribes
of Israel were there, it makes it none the
less improper for you'' and here aunt
Betsey rolled up her eyes in a fearful eata
leptio manner. " Now stop dropping those
big tears over tho turkey red joining of
that quilt I never saw such a baby in my
life never."
What a relief it was to ioor hunted lit
tle Elfrida when Miss Major. Parker came
m, with her stiff rustling silks and her
basket of knitting work, and she was al
lowed to steal away into tho inner room,
with pricked finger, aching spinal column,
and eyes yet dewey with tears.
"I'll be married as soon as ever I can."
thought Elfie with an indignant pout of
the cherry lips. If I thought I should ever
bo an old maid, like aunt Betsey, I'd jump
into tlio river, I would.
And Elfie crept away for a walk, low-
spirited enough.
The afternoon was well advanced befoin
Miss Parker departed ; and Miss Whistle
ton politely seeing hor to tho door, stood
looking after her portly form.
" I wonder where Elfrida has gone to,"
pondered the spinster aunt. "Down in J
the grove flirting with that odious Castle
wynne. I've no doubt dear mo, what trials
girls are. Castlewynne's out somewhere, I
know for tho door of his room is half open.
1 wonder "
Miss Betsoy Whistleton stretched her
long neck seriously toward the neighbor
ing apartment, but there was not a soul
in sight.
"I don't really believe they change
notes," said Miss Whistleton, "but if thev
did and it's really a very excellent oppor
tunity "
She paused again and listened : still no
sound, save stray footsteps in the hall.
"I think it's my duty," said Miss Betsv.
setting her colorless lips tight together,
and advancing on tiptoe into the apartment
01 Messrs. Castlewynne and Ermine.
"I never was in a mau's room before,"
thought the lady with a little bridle and a
simper. "Dear me, what a variety of
boots and slippers, right in the middle of
the floor. Is this brandy and water? No,
it's lemonado and a box full of cigars as
I live, and a novel. Oh, the depravity of
young men. I really hopo I won't bo con
taminated by the awful atmosphere. And
what's this curious wooden thing? Oh, I
suppose it must be a boot-jack. A dressing
case, too, with chased silver stoppers to all
the hottles dear me, this cologne is really
very nice. I wish I had brought that
empty paregoric bottle along with me ; I
dou't believe they'd ever miss a few drops.
Pink pomatum, as I live and breathe and
a "housewife," all fitted up with-needles
and thread. My goodness, me, if it isn't
lined with the very brocade silk that bo
longed to my grandmother's wedding dress.
I thought that pattern came short when I
measured it, to make a silk quilted skirt.
I do believe Elfrida took it to make this
piece of folly and nonsense with."
Miss Whistleton elevated her eyes and
hands with pious horror.
"Two whole inches. I wonder if El
frida ever thought what a great sin it is for
any one to steal?"
The inquisitive spinster tip-toed about
the room, peering into boxes, opening bot
tles and looking behind sofas ; but still she
found no condemning proof of a correspon
dence between Mr. Castlewynno and her
niece Elfrida. She was just turning to
come out rather disappointed than other
wise at the non-success of the scouting ex
pedition when Tom Castlewynne sprang up
tho stairs, two steps at a time, and strode
along tho hall, followed by his friend Frank
Ermine.
Miss Betsey made a rush at the door, but
she was too late. Tom's speed of locomo
tion had been greater than she had calcu
lated on, and with a blind impulse of con
cealment she darted into the closet and shut
herself in among dressing-gowns shooting
coats, and odd-looking bifurcated garments
that filled her spinster soul with horror.
"They'll go out again pretty soon," tho't
Miss Betsey, panting, as she held on desper
ately to the inner handle of the door, "and
then I can just slip into my own room."
But no such a denoument appeared at
hand. Mr. Castlewynne and his friend sat
themselves down and deliberately lighted
their cigars ; the blue vapor stole spicy and
pungent through the key-hole.
" I shall choke, thought Miss Betsey.
" Now look here, Tom," said Mr. Er
mine, apparently resuming tho conversa
tion which had been temporarily interrup
ted, "there's no use being a fainthearted
fool. Marry the little Elfie if she has forty
old maiden aunts."
"My goodness gracious," secretly aspira
ted the captive maid.
"I say, 'though," said Castlenynne,
"what an old cat Miss Betsey is. Fifty,
if she's a day."
" Sixty, I should think." remarked
Frank.
" The impudence of the creatures 1"
gasped tho imprisoned subject of criticism.
"But still," pursued Castlewynno, "El
fie has some tender little notions about
never marrying without her aunt's con
sent, and if we could persuade her to give
" Never," said Ermine. " Who could
expect a shriveled up old fossel like that
to hallo ! what's that noise ?"
For Aunt Betsey, half stifled in the closet,
and choked with cigar smoke, had given a
spasmodic "ketch a" of a sneeze.
"Nothing but the cat on the veranda
roof.
" I tell you it is something in the closet."
Ermine rose and tried the door. Aunt
Betsey hung resolutely on to her side of
it.
"If it is the cat," said Castlewynne com
ing to the rescue, "she is remarkably
strong in her muscular development ; give
a good pull, Frank. Halloa."
For the door flew open with a jerk, re
vealing Miss Betsey Whistleton shrinking
back into a corner. One moment Castlo
wynne stared the next a brilliant idea
flashed across his mind ; he shut the door
again, and bolted it, instantaneously.
"Thieves." ho cried in carefully sup
pressed tones. "Robbers, burglars,!"
"Oh my good Mr. Thomas," squeaked
Miss Betsey wildly through the key hole,
"pleaso don't.. Please stop crying for
help ; it's only me, Miss Betsoy Whistles
ton ; it's all a mistake, a misunderstand
ing." " A misunderstanding eh ?" said Castle
wynne. " It has a rather burglarious look.
I should be sorry to doliver you into cus
tody, Miss Whistleon, but "
"Ilave mercy on me," shrieked Miss
Betsy rattling at the door-knob. "Indeed,
indeed I meant no harm it was a mistake,
upon my word. Please let me out, quick,
before any one comes, and me in a man's
room, too." .
" Dreadful," groaned Mr. Ermine.
"Too frightful to think of," hollowly
echoed Castlewynne.
",0b, dear," wailed Miss Betsey, as all
the horrors of Ler situatiou dawned upon
her, "do pleaso let me out, Mr. Thomas,
and I'll give you anything I have in the
world."
Mr, Castlewynno paused ; he appeared to
be deliberating. Miss Betsey took heart of
hope.
" Will you give me your nioco Elfrida?"
" My niece Elfrida ? N ever really, I
could not "
" O very well, just as you elect. Ermine,
will you have tho goodness to step down
stairs and call up the landlord ?"
And at tho same instant Elfrida's soft
voice was heard calling in the next room.
"Aunt Betsoy, aunt Betsey. Oh, Mrs.
Parker, where can my aunt be cone?"
Search, an expose and detection were
looming over the wretched victim of cir
cumstances ; she rattled madly against the
door.
"You needn't go, Mr. Ermine you
needn't go. Only let me out "
"You will freely bestow tho hand of your
nieee upon mo?"
" Ycr; yes anything everything."
Mr. Castlewynne unbolted tho door, and
threw it open with a low bow. Miss Betsy
stayed not to reciprocate his politeness, but
darted from tho room like-an arrow fleeing
from tho bow, never stopping till she was
safe in her room.
" Aunty, " exclaimed the astonished El
fie, where on earth have you been?"
But that was just what "'auntie" never
would tell her.
"Elfrida." said Miss Betsoy, when sho
had calmed her agitated nerves by green
tea and a nap, " I've changed my mind
about young Castlywynno. If you and he
are really bent on making a match of it"
hero aunt Betsey involuntarily grimaced,
as if she were taking medicine "why you
must have your own way, I suppose."
Elfrida's face grew radiant.
"Dear Aunt Betsey," she cried with a
shy kiss upon the parchment forehead of
theoldlady "lam so glad." '
"There, there go along," said Miss
Whistleton, ungraciously, "I want to rip
up my caps for tho wash, and I can't be
bothered with kissing !"
" I do hope," she had added mentally, as
Elfie tripped away, "ho won't tell that
child the. wholo story."
But there was a mischievous Sparkle in
Elfie's eye when she came up that night,
which filled Aunt Betsey's soul -with dread,
and convinced her that Castlewynne had
betrayed the secret of her siege and surren
der. '
And thus Aunt Betsy, sorely against her
will, was forced to help Cupid's bark afloat
down the stream of True Love. Alas, !
poor Aunt Betsey.
The other day a currier-pigeon
ricd into beleagured Paris a newspaper
45
inches square, with 236 dispatches micro
scopically photograhed upon it, comprising
the detailed news of the day from all parts
of the world ; and there now comes from
London a description of the machinery
which did the printing. It makes a dupli
cate of ordinary handwriting a milliou
times smaller than the original, so that it
can only be read by the aid of a powerful
microscope. The inventor announces that
he can thus reprint tho whole Bible 23
times in the space of an inch, and other
books in proportion. Think of it. The
Speaker of the House can carry Cushing's
Parliamentary Manual entire, photographed
on his thumb naill Webster's Unabridged
may be printed on the lining of your hat,
By the magic aid of this little machine, the
total contents of the Astor Library may be
transferred to a five-cent blank book. Add
to such a compendium, a small portable mi
croscopo, which might nestlo unnoticed in
the pantaloons pockets, and the proprietor
may have at command all the wisdom of
the sages, from Socrates down to Ralph
Waldo Emerson.
HP A man with a clear intellect and
sound body, can meet all the emergencies
of life and be happy.
A New Trick upon Travelers.
A BOSTON paper gives the following
account of a new trick played on
travelors :
A gentleman recently traveling from
Philadelphia to New York fell into a
chance conversation with a stranger hav
ing all tho outward appearances of respect
ability. Aftor some quarter of an hour's
talk, the stranger politely asked the gen
tleman if he would take a cigar, at the same
time holding out two cigars, one looking
like a Regalia the other smaller, such as is
usually called a London size. The gentle
man happening to take the larger one, be
ing nearest in him as presented, tho stran
ger recommended him to take tho smaller
one, remarking that ho thought it was of
better flavor. After smoking about a quar
ter to a third of the cigaiv the gentleman
discovered that ho was suddenly becoming
very dizzy. A suspicion flashed through
his mind that the cigar was not all right.
Ho immediately threw it away ; but his
giddiness increased so much that it was
with tho greatest difficulty that he preserv
ed his self possession. In a few minutes a
most copious perspiration started from ev
ery pore of his body, and tho water fair
ly ran off his person.
The stranger, meanwhile, was apparent
ly sound asleep on the other end of the
seat. On his arrival at New York, tho
gentleman with great difficulty, got off the
car and took a carriage for his hotel, whore
he was soon after violently attacked with
vomiting, and passed a very sick night.
He had been for seveial years a resident of
Cuba, a great smoker, and is fully con
vinced that the cigar was drugged, and
that this is a now dodge to trap tho unwary
for tho purposo of robbery. Ho attributes
his escape to the fact of his smoking, but
little of the cigar, and to his very robust
constitution.
Sold for Three Dollars.
In New York, Edward Murphy was ar
raigned at the bar of the Special Sessions,
last week, for stealing twenty-five cents.
"Who is the complainant in this case?"
inquired justice Downing.
" I am, ycur honor," answered Miss So
phia Lefller ; but I wish to withdraw tho
charge."
"Withdraw tho charge?" queried the
Justice.
"Yis' yer riv'rinco," squeaked a shrill
voice from he spectators' benches; "you
see I'm the by's mother ; I,vo settled tho
case all right by givin' Mrs. Lefflcr three
dollars."
The people of the State of New York
sold out for three dollars 1" shouted Jus
tice Downing. "Not if the Court knows
itself! Mrs. Lefllor, return that money
immediately."
His Honor's eyes flashed as the woman
nervously gave the money back to the moth
er of the lad, and gave testimony that
convicted him. Sentence was suspended.
Knock Down Arguments.
A fow days ago, a houso of ill-fame in
Detroit, was entered by a man of middle
age and serious countenance, who inform
ed tho women that he intended to offer up
a prayer for their spiritual wellfare, and
proceeded to do so dropping on his knees.
The inmates of the house not desiring his
devotional service took advantage of his
position and rolled him out of doors. But
there thoir triumph ended. Rising to his
feet he rushed back into the house striking
out vigorously with the carnal weapons of
nature in a style that would have done
credit to the prizo ring. Having by suoh
knock-down arguments cleared a space, k?
again knelt down and finished his prayer.
The astonished sufferers by this develop
ment of muscular Christianity subdued into
silonce, heard themselves described and
their cases stated in prayer, with a plain
ness befitting the occasion.