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ADVENTURES OF A DAY :
How I Found my Wife.
"TTEIGIIO, McGee, wliat in (lie
XJL world aro you swearing about
f.o furiously ?" I asked, entering tho liv
ery stable of the above named person
amid a volley of oatlis, that might have
shocked his Santanie majesty.
" Oh! good morning," replied the man.
" excuse me, Mr. Morris. I was talking
rather too strong perhaps; but the fact
is, I am iu a desperate strait ! You see,
Mr. Elmore's horses are both siek, and
he has -sent for me to let him have my
best span and coach immediately. Well,
the dapples are tlie best, and to my eye
better than his own ; but there's not a
man belonging to the stable dare drive
them but Gary, aud he is down with the
fever. The other horses aro all out, or
cngagod, and I don't know what the "
"There! there 1" said I ; "no oaths.
I have nothing on hand, and really be
lieve 1 should like to play huckmau for a
day in New York."
"Surely, Mr. Morris, you are joking?"
ejaculated the man in amazeiwint.
"No ! 1 am in earnest," lor the idea
was novel that I, a, lover of adventure,
became more determined every moment
to try it. " 1 am really in earnest, Mr.
McGee, so say no move about it. Yon
know I can manage anything. Just
have them hitched up. and give me tin
livery coat and bat. Now lo:ve me to
the office for a moment but stop ! don't
let the men know lm I am, and by tho
way I almost forgot it have our team
sent around in about an hour."
Left alone, I proceeded to alter my ap
pearance as much as possible, assuming
the habiliments of a driver. I made a
first rate Irishman T the higher grade.
The metamorphose was scarcely comple
ted when Mr. McCJee entered.
" Mr. Mor "
"Michael, ye mane," I interrupted.
" Sure there is no reason that I should
be cheated out of a name." We both
laughed, and I received congratulations
upon nlaking so good a son of Erin.
Stepping out of the office, I mounted
the box, gathered up the reins, and was
off. The horses were unusually gay, but
I had them in groom trim by the time 1
stopped before Elmore's residence. It
may be well to state, Grace Elmore was
not the least inducement for my assum
ing my present position. All winter she
had been a dream idol of mine, or rather
half a one, for I could not really decide
which I preferred, (J race or Maud de
Morris, ti young Erench lady, who was
spending the winter in New York with
her parents. !oth were bewitching, aud
I embraced every opportunity of being
Springing from the box. T rang the
bell, aud presently assisted Miss Elmore
and two friends into the carriage.
The day was warm lor March, and the
four windows were open Grace sitting
on the seat nearest me.
' Hound the pleasant streets, driver.
Anywhere for a ride," she said.
We started, and lor a quarter of an
hour the ladies'i-hil-ehat was ifo account
tome; then suddenly Miss Eannie ex
" Liy the way Grace, rumor says yon
arc engaged to George Morris, and the
solitaire on your forefinger appears to
"Humor honors me," was the reply.
" Now, Grace," chimed in the third
ludy, " stop your nonsense, and tell us
candidly, are you engaged '!"
" Well, 1 am arraigned before a court
for some terrible crime, and commanded
to answer guilty or not guilty is that
it?" was the half laughing, half-annoyed
' No," returned tho third lady, "not
. at all ; only urged to gratify friendly cu
riosity." " Well, tho truth is, I am not at liber
ty to say all I wish ; but this much 1 will
acknowledge--the ring you mention did
once belong to George Morns.
Was there ever such an abominable
falsehood told,' every word of which is
true ! I thought angrily, as I heard the
comments upon my money, person, pa
rents, &c. That girl has led them to
suppose that we are engaged, and there
is a ring to prove it a ring she took
from me for sport a few evenings since,
and which I intended to recover upon
our next meeting. Well, there was ono
thing certain Grace Elmoro would nev
er be my wife; I could not trust such a
schemer. This resolution was strength
ened when 1 heard her say, in a confiden
tial undertone, to tho ono lady, Miss Fan
nie having been left at her own house :
" 1 liavo of course, no feeling iu the
matter only a school girl's love , but I
think George will make a desirable hus
band, while his wealth, with my own,
will place us above any change of fortune.
Then, he is very handsome, aud I have
decided to take' him. 1 don't know that
I could do much better."
" l'ity I have not arrived at a simi
lar conclusion," was my mental sarcasm.
Just then she called affectionately,
" Home," driver." Willingly did I place
her on the carriage steps, and turn to
wards the stables. " Ry Jove ! I wish 1
could have as good opportunity to try
Maude dc .Morris," I ejaculated as I drove
up to my station. McGee was waiting
for me. There was a gray haired gentle
man with him. but Mr. McGee stepped
aside and asked me if I objected to go
ing further, at the same time overpower
ing me with thanks, and saying if the
horses were cooled down, he could give
them to some one else.
"No, no!" I replied, quickly, for I
was desirous of learning more of human
ity. '' 1 will keep my place for the pres
ent, send me where you ehooio."
Turning to the gentleman, Mr. McGee
bowed and said : "Mr. Laney, this car
riage is at your disposal."
Jn Mr. Laney I recognized a worthy
merchant, though not well known in the
higher circles, his means placing him
only with those who were iu " very good
" Where. I asked, as he entered the
" To street, north side."
A quiet, cozy "lilt le place it proved to
be si three story brick, new and hand
some, though lacking elegance. Here
(he gentleman alighted, returning in a
short time, accompanied by a young girl
of, 1 should judge, some nineteen years,
whom he addressed as Maggie. Her
rich brown hair was curled neatly at the
back of her head, and the soft, violet
looking eves were the most enchanting
that ever met my ga;:o. Peering from
under my hat. I not -d every article of
that neatly-robed fairy. " Drive to the
park," was the gentleman's directions, as
I again took up the lines.
I listened eagerly to every sound from
within, feeling half ashamed at (he part
I was playing, though too deeply interest
ed in the lady to desist. Presently a
clear, sweet, voice said:
" Well, father dear, what have you to
say that you renuire such strict priva-
" My child," hesitated the parent, "I
I fear you aro not brave enough to
hear it. Oh, merciful heaven, if 1 could
but spare my darling !"
An eager, loving voice replied.
" Father! father! surely one so young
and strong, with such deep affection for
you, can bear a great deal ; and sorrow
will not be so heavy if shared with me ;
now that mother has no power to comfort
you, except through memory, let me take
her precious place as best I can. Tell
me all, father ; lam stronger than you
Then followed a long explanation,
which may be Hummed up in a very few
words. Their voices were often drowned
iu tho outer bustle, but I heard sufficient
to understand that Mr. Laney, who was
doing a very heavy business, had, some
months previous, taken a partner, who
proved to be an inveicr.ite speculator, and
without the knowledge of Mr. Laney,
had involved the firm to the amount of
several thousand dollars. The invest
ments could amount to nothing in h-.-s
than a year; meanwhile, debts, previous
ly incurred, fell due, and were pressed by
creditors. Mr. Laney ended by saying:
" Unless I get some assistance between
this and Monday, Tuesday night will
find us penniless. Oh, my ehildi if 1
could but save you ! How can you bear
such a change '("
And I heard the heavy t-ohs of that
strong man come thick and fast. Per
haps there were a few drops iu my own
eyes, for I could not see the horses for a
moment. 1 fancied loving arms around
his neck, and a pale, soft cheek against
his own, tho words 1 was obliged to lean
down to catch, came in a clear, brave
voice, from the noblest heart that ever
beat 'neath heaven
"Father do not think of me; all that
I have is yours, and many of my private
articles will bring considerable. Ho not
shrink from selling everything to pay an
honest debt. I can bear all things so (hat
love is left. Sure I may not complain
though all be taken, if heaven leaves me
my father. Do your best, and trust to
mo for all the assistance iu my power.
I can bear all things so love is left."
Much followed, but this last sentence
was all I cared to hear, and by tho time
we'drovo up before tho neat brick house
in street, I fairly worshipped the
brown haired angel who resided there.
For the last fifteen minutes 1 had been
contriving a plan to assist them. In my
pocket was a check for threo hundred
dollars, drawn that morning for the pur
pose of settling a small account.
My name was on in full; as I opened
the carriage door I cast it to the wind,
which took it to the pavement. At first
neither noticed it, and I feared I had
been foiled, but just as I was mounting
(he box, Maggie picked it up, and turn
ing hurriedly to her father, I drove off
wondering how it would end.
Reaching the stables, I threw the reins
to an hostler, and entering the office, told
McGee the horses could be driven by a
baby ; disposed of my masquerade, I
went home, not to dream of Grace and
Maud, as usual, but of the noble woman
who " could bear all things so that love
was left." The next morning I saw iu
ilit- Ih rnUl a notice which read as fol
" If Mr. Genrgo T. Morris will call at
No. 4 North street, he will re
cover lost property."
It was just what wanted, and at about
10 o'clock i called at the place mention
ed, receiving the check from my queen,
together with an explanation of how it.
came into lier possession. 1 asked if her
lather was at home. lie was not.
" Would she give me his place of bu
Taking a. card from tho stand, she
(raced neatly the address, and bowing. I
left her to seek the merchant.
"Mr. i.aiicv, I am George Morris
Will you give me a private interview ?"
Seated in an inner oliice, I told him all
the last (lav's proceedings that concerned
himself, offering him any pecuniary as
sistance he might, permit me to render.
After some urging on my part, he accept
ed, and grasping my hand, thanked me
again and again for saving his child, say
ing heaven would repay me. Ami it has
most, munificently ; for not six months
passed ere Maggio Laney possessed the
solitaire, which (iraco Elmore had worn
so proudly :-.nd falsely. 1 have secured
the greatest treasure earth can give a
woman '' who can bear all things i:o love
JDf-.5 The following incident is said to
have occurred in a I'lica restaurant. A
man recently enter . d the place and order
ed a very elaborate dinner. He lingered
long at the (able and finally wound up
with a bottle of wine. Then lighting a
cigar he had ordered, he leisurely saun
tered up to (he counter and said to the
"Very fine dinner. landlord ; just charge
it to me, 1 haven't got a cent."
' lint I don't know you," said the pro
' Of course you don't. If you had,
you wouldn't, let me have the dinner."
' Pay nie for the dinner, I say !"
" And 1 say I can't."
" I'll see about that," said (he proprie
tor, who snatched a revolver out of a
drawer, leaped over the counter and col
hired the man, exclaiming, as he pointed
it at his head. "Now see if you'll get
away with (hat dinner without paying for
it. you scoundrel."
What, is t hat you hold iu your hand '"
said the impecunious customer, drawing
" That, sir, is a revolver, sir."
" Oh, that's a revolver, is it? I don't
care a cent for a revolver; I thought it
vms a stomach pump."
A Daubtful ('(iiiiplimenf.
John . Gough tell-i the following sto
ry, though (ho joke be at his own ex
pense. Once while on a lecturing tour
through England, he was introduced to a
village audience in these terms:
" Ladies and gentlemen, Pave tho 'oner
to biulrodTicc to you the distinguished
lecturer, Mr. John!!. Gough, who will
haddress us on (ho subject of temper
ance. You know that temperance is
( bought to he rather a dry subject; but
to-night as wo listen to our friend, the
horator from 'hover (ho hocean, we may
'ope to 'ave the miracle of Sampson re
peated, and to bo refreshed with water
from the jawbone of a bass !"
y" A Chinaman and a Jew had oc
casion to dispute on some matter of trade.
" So help mo gracious !" said the Jew,
" I have not seen so great a rashkal ash
vat you ish !" To w hich the Chinaman
rejoined with such trenchant force as to
close the colloquy :
" Oh ! you no goodco uiau ! you kill
American man's 'Josh!' "
A XIcc Convert.
riTIIHRE was a great revival in tho rc
I gion where old Smithers, as every
body culled him, lived, and it took hold of
him one day. Smithers was a dreadful
mean man, oppressive to tho poor and all
of that, and never paying a debt if he
could help it. He had been known .to
turn a poor widow with a family of small
children out into the street of a cold win
ter's day, because she was unable to pay
the rent of the miserable shanty she had
of him. He was known as " Old Smith
ers," although he wasn't so very old nei
ther, but we have noticed that mean men
have tho prefix old attached to their names
generally, when their neighbors speak of
Old Smithers " took a habit," as they
say in Wisconsin, to attend ono of the
" protracted meetings." He was struck
with a conviction the first night and
hopefully converted, as he claimed, the
next. After his conversion he was an
nounced to address his fellow sinners and
siuneresscs on the following Sunday af
ternoon. Tho news that old Smithers had
got religion spread all about the neigh
borhood. Some doubted it ; said he was
putting it on so as to skin folks a little
(loser; others, more charitable, said it
might be true, and they hoped he would
not be so mean in the future if it was.
When Sunday alternoon arrived the
church was crowded. The whole neigh
borhood turned out to hear what so mean
a man as Old Smithers would say for
himself after passing through conviction
and conversion. All was still in Hie
church when Old Smilhersarose to speak,
lie began by telling what a mean man
he had been all his life, lie said he had
probably dime more mean things than
any man of his years and opportunities
living, and if (hero was any mean thing
ho had failed to do, it was because he
hadn't thought of it, or (here was no
good chance. After going somewhat in
to a detail regarding his meanness, as
tonishing even those who thought they
knew him best, with the recital, and de
claring his utter unworthinoss, he resum
ed his seat.
There was a brief pause, after which a
neighbor of Old Smithers, a member of
tho church, arose and said :
" 1 have lived nigh to lirother Smith
ers for a boor time. J have just listened
to Rrolher Smithers' remarks, and from
an intimate acquaintance with him ami
his actions for many years, 1 am prepared
to endorse in the fullest manner all the
charges he has made against himself, and
more too. He is certainly the meanest
man 1 ever knew in the whole course of
my life ;" and sat down.
Then arose Old Smithers, pale and
trembling with rage, and exclaimed:
" It's a d lie, and I'll whip you as
soon as you leave the church."
A During Thief.
French thieves seem possessed of a fer
tile invention. Tho oilier day, says a
French paper, a lady went into dry goods
shop, at Rue Richelieu, and bought a
pearl gray silk dress. The shopman had
noticed a tolerably well dressed man
standing at tho door after the arrival id'
the lady, who seemed to watch ail her
movements. Stepping up to the cashier's
desk the lady drew a -0U franc note firm
her purse. At that moment the man out
side rushed into (ho shop, gave the lady a
box on (he ear, and tore lliejiote out of
her-hands. "I had forbidden you lo buy
that dress," cried he, but, 1 watched you,
and you shall not have it." Willi these
words he hastened away, the lady fainted,
and the persons emnlovcd in (he shop,
supposing him to be an offended hu.-band,
made no remark, aud let him go. When
the lady recovered, (he proprietor of tho
establishment exprc-sed his regret at, the
violence of tho scene, and pitied her for
being dependent on so brutal a husband.
" My husband !" cried the lady, eagerly;
" sir, that man is not my husband ; I do
not know him, and have never seen
him." The pretended husband was a
f'-J" As a young lady was walking up
Rnwery, a young rowdy purposely step
ped on her dress and tore it. To the la
dy's remark (hat he should havo been
more careful, ho replied insolently :
" The street is free, aud I'll walk or
place my feet where I please." " So will
1," remarked a bystander, and with a
wcll-uiuied kick he sent tho folloy clear
into the gutter. Taking off his hat, ho
said to tho rowdy : "I suppose you will
accord mo a similar privilege, and admit
that I, too, may place my feet where I
Tallpvruiid's Death Red.
For nearly half a century, this veteran
diplomatist acted a prominent part in
tho affairs of Europe. As the prime min
ister or embassador of the Directory, the
Consulate, the Empire, and the monarchy
of Louis Philippe, ho negotiated the im
portant treaties which determined the
boundaries of empires and the fa to of
kingdoms, and formed plans which inado
Napoleon an Emperor, and the Emperor
an exile. Such a man's view of an event
ful life of four-scoro years furnishes in
structive lessons to men who are wasting
the energies of being on political ambition
or worldly aggrandizement. Just before
his death, a paper was found on his table
on which he had written, by the light of
the lamp, such lines as these :
"Rchold, eighty-three years passed
away! What cares! What agitation!
What anxieties! What ill-will! What
sad complications! and all without results
except great fatigue of mind and body
and a profound sent iment of discourage
ment with regard to tho future, and dis
gust with regard to the past!
Contrast with the exclamation of " Paul
the Aged," as be was about closing his
earth iy career :
"I have fought, a good fight; have
kept the faith ; and henceforth there is
laid up lor me a crown of righteousness,
which the Lord, (he righteous Judge
shall give me (hat day." "
A death-bed is the triumphant chariot
of tht! useful Christian, however humble;
it is the executioner's cart of the worldly
unbeliever however exalted.
How to Treat Slander.
Wo once heard a story id' two men who
started together one bright morning for a
whole day's journey. They soon became
separated. The one reached his destina
tion before (he sun had sunk behind the
Western hills, where he made himself
comfortable at (he inn. His only trouble
was concern lor his laggard companion.
He thought surely sumo evil must have
Long alter dark, his fellow-traveler ar
rived. When asked the cause of his de
lay he replied.
I was obliged to stop at every other
house to whip off the unmannerly dogs
that barked at inc. Didn't they bark at
you, also ?"
" Yes," replied (he other, 11 but I did
not step to whip Them. I simply told
them thev were ill bled curs and drove
We arc generally losers in the end, if
we stop to refute all the back-bitings and
gossips we may hear by the way. They
are annoying, it is true, but not danger
ous, so long as we do not stop to expostu
late and sc dd. Our characters are formed
and sustained by ourselves, by our own
actions, and not by others. Always bear
this in mind, "calumniators may usually
be trusted to time and the slow but steady
justice of public opinion."
The Bey ami Tim Rskks.
A hoy, hearing his lather say. "(was
a poor rule (hat would not work both
ways," said: " If father applies this rule
about his work, I will test it in my play."
So, setting up a row of bricks three or
four inches apart, he (ipped over the first
which, striking the second, caused it to
fall on the third, which overturned the
fourth aud so on through the whole course
until all the bricks lay prostrate.
" Well," said the hoy, "each buck has
knocked down his neighbor which stood
next to him; I only tipped -one. Now 1
will raise his neighbor., I will sec if rais
ing one will raise all the rest."
He looked iu vain (osee (hem rise.
" Here, father," said tho boy, "is a
poor rule ; 'twil network both ways. They
knock each other down, but will not raiso
each other up."
The fatherthon added tho following mor
al ; when people rise, they love to stand
I alone, like yonder brick, and see others
prostrate and below them."
EG)"' John liright was lately dining
with a citizen of Manchester, who is an
enthusia.'tie admirer id' the United States.
" 1 would like," said iho host. " to come
back .filly years after my death to see
what a fine country America had become."
" I believe you would be glad of any ex
cuse to come back, said Mr. Rright, with
a grim smile.
IfjT" At an opening of the breach-of-promise
case in Kentucky, the court ask
ed the counsel for tho plaintiff how long
the trial would probably last. " I can't
say exactly," replied tho counsel, " but
will mention as ono item that I have
threo hundred and eighty-four love let
ters written by the defendant to uiy cli
ent, to read."