7 Philadelphia Advertisements. Philadelphia Advertisements. Philadelphia Adfertisements. Philadelphia Advertisements. HUMOROUS ITEMS. ljc imc0, Now Sloomftcllt, )a. BOOKSELLERS & STATIONERS. MILLER & ELDER, Booksellers mid Stationers, BLANK POOK MANUFACTURERS, And Dealers in WINDOW CURTAINS AND WALL PAPER, No. 430, Market Street, 81 PHILADELPHIA, PA. CHARLES MAGAItGE & CO., Wholesale Dealers In Paper, Xfc: i Sce., Nos. 30, 32, and 34, South Sixth Street, PHILADELPHIA, PA. B Paper any Size, Weight, Color and Quality, made to order, at s-lwrt notice. 101y41 SOWER, BARNES & POTTS, Booksellers & Stationers, And Dealers in C UR TAIN AND WALL-PAPERS, Nos. 530 Jlarkct and 523 Minor Streets, PHILADELPHIA, PA. VS. Publishers of Sanders' New Headers, and Brooks1 Arithmetics. Also, Robert's History ot the United States, Feltou's Outline Maps, &c. BLANK BOOKS Always on liana, and made to Order. 31t LOCIIMAX'S Writing- miliar THIS FLUID s warranted EQUAL to Arnold's, and is sold ut niiieli less price. The nionev will be refunded to those buying it, it it does not prove entirely satisfactory. 03. For sale by F. Mortimer, New Bloomlleld. MILLER Si ELDER, Sole Ageuts, 430 Market Street, Philadelphia. 23031 Glass and Queensivare. A. L. Kaub j. e. Fbetmiiie. KAUB & FKYMIIIE, Importers and Jobbers or China, O 1 ; i s kS AND QUEEN S WAKE, 301 and 303, Cherry St., between Arch & Race, PHILADELPHIA. ET'Constantly on hand, Original Assorted Packages. &. n. iy 10 MISCELLANEOUS. ruairs t. PUMPS I FOlt PUKE WATER, USE. TUB CELEBRATED CUCUMBER PUMP Made of wild Cucumber wooden t rely tnr.sWc.sv, durahle, and relialtle ; the good old-fashioned wooden pump, made by machinery,, and therefore perfect and accurate iu all its parts, raising an equal amount of water, and costing less than half the money! busily arranged ho as to be non freezing, and lu construction somiii pie that any one can put it up and teen it in repair. After thorough trial it Is acknowledged the Best and Cheapest. CUAKL E8 G. BLATCn LEY, Manufacturer. mm B. Ofllce and Ware-room, Nos. 624 and fi2fi Filbert Rtreet. 4 15 6m6 PHILADELPHIA PA. S-These Pumps can be ordered of the Manu aeturer, or F. Mortimer & Co., New Bloomlield. ESTKT'8 Cottag-o Organs, GREAT INDUCEMENTS offered to Churches and Sunday Schools. Organs and Mulodeons lor sale on monthly Instalments. K. M. IUtUCK, No. 18 North Seventh St., lMltf PHILADELPHIA. In : 5 Ll 11 H & DRUCS, MEDICINES AND PAINTS. John Lucas & Co., Sole and THE ONLY MANUFACTURERS OF TUB IMPERIAL FRENCH, AND PURE SWISS GREEN, Also, Puro White Lead and Color MANUFA CTURERS, Nos, 141 and 143 North Fourth St., Philadelphia. SIDDALL & MARKLEY, Wholesale Druggists, AND DEALERS IK Patent Medicines, 119 MARKET STREET, NEAR FRONT, Philadelphia, Pa. A FULL STOCK of everthlng connected with the business, of the best quality, and at very low prices. A good location for business, with a ow rent and light expenses, enables us to offer In ducements to buyers, and makes it worth their while to give us a trial. Philadelphia, 3. 8tf. SAVES LABOR ! Saves Time ! SAVES MOXEY ! yyAINHIGHT & CO'S Labor-Saving Soap Will be found the best in use. With this Soap washing may be done with half the labor required when any other is used, and tho saving in wear to clothes Is really astonishing- It will cost only Fif teen Cents to try it, and afteu that you will use no other. &. For sale by all Crocers, and by F. Mortimer, New Bloomlleld, Pa. 317 Worth its Weight in Gold ! rpiIIS Is what everybody who has used it says of XESMITII'S LINTMEtfT. For Rheumatic Pains it will give instant relief and ettect a permanent cure In a short time. It is also the best remedy in the World for Cuts, Sprains, Hniises and Burns, and not only giving prompt relief from pain, but heals without leaving any scar. All who have tried It, say no family should be without It, for it is worth its weight iu gold. " ta Try a bottle of It t No cure, No Pay. 317 3 Vor sale at F. Mortimer's. JpENNSYLVANIA ELASTIC SPONGE CO. No. 1111 CHESTNUT STREET PHILADELPHIA. ELASTIC SPONCE, A Substitute for Curled Hair, FOR ALL UPHOLSTER V PURPOSES. It Is cheaper than feathers or hair, and much superior, being the lightest softest and most elastic material known FOR MATTRESSES. PILLOWS, CARRIAGE, CAR, AND CHAIR CUSHIONS. It is Indostructablo.frea from dust, perfectly clean and for the sick is uuequaled.as U soiled it is easily cleaned. IT DOES. NOT PACK And is entirely free from Moth Person are requested to examine the Cushion Sjmnoe at the ojjlce oj the company, Feb 8tf 'No.. 1111 CHESTNUT STREET, Hardware, &c LLOYD, SUPPLEE, & WALTON,. WHOLESALE HARDWARE HOUSE, No. 625 Market Street, Philadelphia. DRY GOODS HOSIERY, NOTIONS John Shaffner, Jr. E. a Zleglcr. Theo. Rumel SHAFFNER, ZIEGLER & CO., Successors to SHAFFNER, ZIEGLER & CO., Importers and Dealers in Hosiery, Gloves, IMbbons, Suspenders, THREADS, CO MRS, and every variety of TRIMMINGS AND FANCY GOODS, No. 36, North Fourth Street, PHILADELPHIA, PA. Agents for Lancaster Combs. BARCROFT & CO., Importers and Jobbers Of Staple and Fancy DRY - GOODS, Cloths, Cassimeres, Blankets, Linens, White Goods, Hosiery, &c, Nos..405and407 MARKET STREET, (Above FourthrNorth Side,) Philadelphia. Boots, Shoes, Hats and Caps. F. D.. Miller. T. Rlcksrt- CH. Miller. MILLER, RICKERT & CO., 9UCCESSOU3 TO GRAYBILL & NEWCOMER, Manufacturers and Wholesale Dealers in HATS, CAPS, FURS, STItAW-COOUS, &c., No. 319 North Third Street, 2d Floor, PHILADELPHIA. 4 11 ly 10 W. F. ItOlILEJt, JOBBER IN Hats, Caps, Furs, AND Straw - O- o'o 1 & 153 NORTH THIRD STREET, 3 9 ly 10 PHILADELPHIA. W. W. Paul. D. J. Hoar. II. L. Hood. A. Trimble. WM. W. PAUL & CO. WHOLESALE BOOT AND SHOE WAREHOUSE, C23 Market St. and 014 Commerce Street, . Philadelphia, Penn'a. MISCELLANEOUS. JJItADBURY'S AND OTHER PIANOS. laylor & XXirley's and E. P. Needham Son's ORGANS AND MELODEONS. WM. O. FISCHER, Oetteral Wholesale Agent, 1018 Arch Street and 21 North Eleventh Streot, 3 42 6m. PHILADELPHIA " The Red Horse Powders" Aim T HE BEST FOWDERS in the World for HORSES, CATTLE, HOGS,. OR POULTRY. They will not onlyprevent, but will Cure diseases, and are the Cheapest, aa well as the best Horse Powders in use. Try them. For sale by Stores and DruRBlstH generally, and by F. MoitTiMEtt, New Bloomlleld, Fa. 33otI TOBACCO SECARS AC. W. B. METCALFE, WITH MITCHELL & WARE, Wholesale Dealers in Tobacco and Cigars, NO. 3, NORTH FIFTH STREET, Philadelphia. 9" Agents for Celebrated Star Navy. 4 221y Thomas Robb. A. J. McConkey. ROBB & McCONKEY, Commission Merchants, And Wholesale Dealers in LEAF AND MANUFACTURED TOBACCOS, $EGAnS,&C, No. 13 North Fifth Street, (Between Market and Arch,) PHILADELPHIA, PA. 1041t! A. B Cunningham. J. II. Lewars. J. S. Gle'rai. Cunningham, Gleim & Co., Wholesale Dealers in Tobacco, Segars, &c, NO. 4, NORTH FIFTH STREET,. PHILADELPHIA. 3230 GROCERIES AND PROVISIONS. C. P. KN1CSIIT i: ISO'S, Wholcsalo Dealers in PISH, Olioeso AND Provisions, 111 South Delaware Avenne, Below Chcstnnt St., PHILADELPHIA, PA. Agents for Collins, Gcddes & Co's Canned Fruits. 1041tf S. 15. TAYLOK, WITH WAINWRIGHT & CO. WHOLESALE CROCERS AND TEA DEALERS, North East Corner of 2nd and Arch Street?, Philadelphia Pa W. A. Atwood.. isaao W. Ranck. ATW00D, RANCK & CO., Commission Merchants, AND Wholesale Dealers in all kinds of Plekled and Salt FISH, Noi.210 North Wharves, above Race Street, 3 40 6m6 PHILADELPHIA, PA. PATTERSON & NEWLIN, Wholesale Grocers, AND COMMISSION MERCHANTS No. 120 ARCH STREET, l'hiladelpJiia. - Thesalo of Eggs, Seeds, JOralu and Wool, a specialty. . ' r ruinse send, for a Circular. 4 m 7 & GROCERS January 1, 1869. tSF An Irishman was challenged to fight a duel, but declined on the nlen. that he did not wish to leave his ould mother an orphan. J-' Sure, an didn't I jine the Metho dist? Faix, and I did, Ijined for six months ; an behaved so well they let me off with three." JB A nine-year-old boy at the school in Lincoln, California, was asked what punishment was given to Adam and Eve ? Ho replied ; " They were driven off the ranche." ST A darkey gives the following rea son why tho colored race is superior to the white race : " All men are made of clay, and like the meerschaum pipe they aro more valuable when highly colored." 03F " Recollect, sir," said a tavern keeper to a gentleman who was about leaving his house without paying the reckoning, "Recollect, sir, if you lose your purse you didn't pull it out here." The broad hint was taken. 8" " Did you present your account to the defendant 1" inquired a lawyer of his client. " I did, sir." And what didi he say ?" " He told me to go to the devil." "And what did you do then?" " Why, then I came to you." CST " Miss will you take my arm ?"' asked an old bachelor. " La 1 yes, and you too," Eaid the young lady. " I can. only spare the arm miss hastily replied, the bachelor. " Then I can't take it," said the miss," my motto is to go the' whole hog or none at all." BSS" A Massachusetts dentist recently, advertised that he would give a set of teeth to the first caller on a certain Mon day morning, and before sunset on Sun day there were two men and a woman on his door steps impatiently waiting for the dawn and the coveted prize. BQF A bachelor says that all he should; ask for in a wife would be a good tem per, health, good understanding, agreea ble physiognomy, figure, good connection, domestic habits, resources of amusement, good spirits, conversational talents, ele gant manners and money I fl- A late judge was a noted wag;. A young lawyer was once making his first effort before him, and had thrown himself on the wings of imagination far into tho upper regions, and was seemingly preparing for a higher ascent, when the judgo exclaimed, " Hold on, hold on, my dear sir ! Don't go any higher, for you. are already out of the jurisdiction of the court." A girl at Chester, Vermont, has died from tight lacing. These corsets should be done away with, and if the girls can't live without being squeezed, we suppose men can be found who would sacrifice themselves. As old as we are we had rather devote three hours a day without a cent of pay, as brevet corset, than see these girls die off in thatmanner.. Office hour3 almost any time." A New Hampshire farmer wanted a farm hand, and was applied to by an Irishman, who wanted to work. The farmer objected to engaging Pat, on the ground that two. Irishmen previously in his employ had died on his hands. " Thin you object to hiring me for that, do ye?" said Put. "Faith and I can bring you ricomeudations from many a place where I've worked, that I never played such a trick !!' J A midshipman asked a. priest to tell him the difference between- a priest and a jackass. Tho priest gave it up. " One wears a cross on his back, and the other on his breast," said tho mid shipman. " Now,"' said the priest, "tell me the difference between a midshipman and a jackass." The midshipman gave it up, and asked what it was . The priest said he did not know of any. BG?"A San Francisco school teacher received tho following not e from the" os tensible" paront of one of his pupils : " I hopo as to my John you will flog him just as offin as you kin. Heas a bad boy is John. Altho I've bin in habit of teuchin him niiaclf, it seems to me- he never will learn anything his spellin in ottrageously defi.shen t. Wallop him well ser, and you will receive my thanks. " P. S. What accounts for John bein sich a schollar is that he is my sun by my wife's fust husband."