' 1 1 ' --
3 l)e Stoics, Nctu Bloomfidfr, pa.
THE JEALOUS BARONET.
ABOUT four months after my mar
riage it was my wont each morning
after breakfast, to stroll about my gardens
and fields until, perhaps, one o'clock at
which hour I returned home to enjoy my
wife's society, and when the weather
permitcd, we occasionally took a walk or
ride.'
One morning feeling my self not quite
well, I returned much earlier than usual,
about eleven o'clock, and went into the
house by a back entrance: as neither
knocking or ringing announced my ar
rival,my wife was not aware of my return.
I sought her first in the drawing room,
but not finding her there, proceeded to
her bed -room, and whilst bassing through
my dressing room to it, I was surprised
by a sudden rush to the bed-room door,
which was instantly bolted from within,
distinctly heard a low whispering, and, as
I thought, a hurried receding step, yet
altogether, was not kept waiting more
than a few seconds. Sly wife's maid
opened the door, when, to my great per
plexity, I beheld my wife's usually pale
lace suffused with crimson blushes. I
also detected her manoeuvering a comb
through her hair to hide, as I instantly
suspected, her blushes from me, or her
disordered curls.
" What is the meaning of this?" thought
I ; " it is strange ! The maid, too, looks
confused and frightened."
My wife did not hasten to meet me with
her usual sunny welcome; there was not
even one smile to greet me. At length
recovering herself a little she with a
hesitating manner said,
" Well, my love, how goes on the
farm?"
But I was grieved ; for the first time in
my lifo I felt that I was not welcome. I
felt that something was going on that I
was not to know, so merely saying, " I
will tell you when we meet in the drawing
room." 1 quitted her abruptly.
Not knowing whither I was going, or
why I suffered so sudden, so frightful a
revolution of feeling. I hurried down
stairs, rushed through the hall, across the
lawn, and plunged into the fir path that
leads to a sequestered part of the grounds;
nor did I slacken my pace until I was
fully a mile from the house, when I threw
myself upon the green bank by tho side
of the river, the most miserable of men.
I who, one hour before, was the happiest
of men, now unaccountably, unutterably
wretched.
Pride had, at that moment, prevented
my asking for an explanation, that I
thought ought to have been given un
sought; and I determined not to ask
Lady why my visit was evidently
unwelcome.
But henceforth I resolved to keep a
watchful eye upon her. A thousand
thoughts crowded upon mo, now that I
discovered that there was something
which my wife kept concealed from me,
she whom I had thought so artless, so
free from all duplicity.
At this period I had attained my thir
tieth year. Lady was only two
years younger than myself, but from her
sweet and girlish style of beauty, and gay
happy manner, no one would suppose her
more than twenty. She had been
educated on the continent. I kucw that,
Soon after leaving school, she said received
matrimonial proposals if she had not
been actually engaged to a gentleman
before quitting Paris. Hitherto, this
circumstance had never given the slight
est uneasiness : but now my thoughts in
voluntarily reverted to it, and haunted
me night and day.
Between my wife and her maid there
was an unusual intimacy, owing, as I un
derstood, to the latter being what is
called an old follower of the family.
This woman was one of the tallest I ever
knew, and large in proportion ; her face
was handsome the features strongly de
fined, her eyes large, intensely dark and
penetrating; her long black ringlets
looked false; in appearance you would
have said that she was nearer fifty than
forty. This person, with her erect figure,
was, taken altogether, what many would
pronounce a very fino woman, but some
what masculine,
Having described my wife's maid, how
Khali I tell you of the horrible suspicion
which seized upon my imagination 1
I thought, perchance, this maid was
the foreign lover in disguise !
And you did not, ould not believe it,
though the frightful idea never absented
itself from jiy brain. To hint such a
thought at wy beautiful Agnes, my be
loved wife I could, porer bring myself.
I strove farther to bauish the idea from
raj mind as a suggestion of Satan.
From that duy I became much changed,
both in tho outward and inward man.
I .... . . . I, , B
My happiness was gone, my naturally
light and cheerful manner gave placo
to irritability and gloom. Time flew on ;
days and weeks passed without any par
ticular occurrence, until one morning
having arranged to accompany a gen
tleman in the neighborhood on a fishing ex
cursion. I informed Agnes that I should
not return until evening, when I would
bring my friend to dinner. Immediately
after breakfast, we started in a dog-cart.
We had not proceeded more than four
miles, when in turning a corner of the
road, a boy, who was shooting sparrows,
fired so near to the horse's head that it
took fright and dashed off at a furious
gallop, nor stopped until we were upset
in a ditch. We were compelled to give
up our day's excursion, and leaving the
groom to take care of the bruised horses
my friend and I walked smartly home by
a short cut,and entering the house. After
conducting my friend into the drawing
room, I hastened up stairs to relate our
disaster to Agnes. When as I again
passed through my dressing-room, the
door was again bolted, and I distinctly
heard my wife say, with a faltering voice.
" He is returned we are discovered!"
The scales fel! from my eyes ; I had no
longer any doubt, my worst fears were
realized :
Oh, the agony of the moment I stag
gered back a few paces, my head reeled,
my heart felt bursting, and I had nigh
fallen to the ground, when a frenzy of
despair and rage seizing mo I made one
rush at the door, and roared for iustant
admittance, Agnes opened the door and
stood trembling before me ; her attendant
flew to the farthest end of the apartment.
I dashed my wife aside, shouting "this
moment quit my house," and darting
across the room seized my rival by the
throat, thundering forth, " confess all, or
this instant you die."
There was a moment's pause ; oh, the
agony of that moment !
Pale as a corpse, Agues stood transfixed
with horror, gazing breathlessly upon the
tableau before her, whilst, with suffocating
accents my victim sobbed out, " Oh ! sir,
sir ; as sure as the life is in my poor body,
I have nothing to confess, but that I
was plucking out mistress's gray hairs !"
A Slight Mistake.
A strange appearing genius on his first
visit to the city, observecd a sign over a
a store thus :
"Wholesale and Retail Store." He
worked his way through the crowd of la
dies, until he faced one of the clerks, who
was exhibiting some articles to a young
lady, when he broke out with :
"Say, Mister, who's boss here?"
" The proprietor has just stepped out,
sir."
" Well, this is a re-tailing shop ?"
" Yes, sir, a wholesale and retail store."
"Guess you understand your trade?"
" Oh, yes," replied the clerk, wrapping
up a bundle for his lady customer, "what
can I do for you ?"
" Well, as tho cold weather is coming
on, I thought I might as well come and
give you a job."
" I don't undcrsrand you sir," replied
the clerk, who began to suspect that the
fellow was in the wrong box.
"Zactly so; well, I'll tell you."
Explain what you mean, my friend,"
said the clerk, as he saw him produce a
roll from under his coat.
"Well, as I said before, the cold
weather is coming on, and I thought I
might as well bo fixin' for it. Cauio
mighty near freezeu' t'other winter, well
'did, but"
" I hope you will tell mo what you
want, so that I may serve you."
" Certainly squire certainly, I always
do business in a hurry, and just as quick
as the old master will let. I want you to
re-tail these old shirts. Let them come
down about to the knee, kase I don't wear
drawers."
The effect may be imagined, but as
novelists say can't be described. Tho
loud laugh which followed, served to con
vince the poor fellow ho had committed
himself and his long logs were put in mo
tion for the door.
Bi, A German applied to Judge G
to be relieved from sitting as a juryman.
"What is your excuse?" asked the
judge.
" I can't speak English." ho replied.
" You have nothing to do with speak
ing," said the judge.
" But I ean't understand good English-"
" That's no excuse,", said his honor.
" I'm sure you are not likely to hear good
English at this bar."
A Good Enigma.
am composed of four tetters.
My 1, 2, 2. Is controlled ecclcstlcally.
My 1, 2, 3, Is the most extensive, most powerful,
most beautiful object on earth.
My 2, 3, 4, Is man's duty, whether successfully or
not
My 3, 1, 1, represents a praiseworthy, though
much abused Individual.
My 4, 2, 3, Invigorates but does not Intoxicate
My 1, 3, 4, 2, Is to get more than sufllclcnt.
My 2, 3, 1, 2, is nut to be bought for money.
My 2, 3, 1, 4, contained anciently the treasures of
the world.
My 4, 2, 1, 4, generally makes known the truth.
My 1, 4, 3, 4, 2, is the pet of politicians.
My 4, 3, 1. 4, 2, appreciates beauty.
My 4, 2, 3, 1, 2, is calculated to annoy.
My 3, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, provokes oftentimes national
commotions.
My 3, 4, 4. 2, 1, 4, is to atllrm.
My 2, 1, 4, 3, 4, 2, is the most attractive point In a
rich man.
My 3, 1, 1, 2, 4, 1, seems indispensable to a cor
poration, My 1, 2, 4, 4, 2, 2, often sustains a dying man.
My 4, 3, 1, 1, 2, 1, is part of a knight's armor.
My 4, 2, 1, 4. 3, 4, 2, is a good quality in a man
leaving this world.
My 4, 2, 4, 2, 3, 4, 2, 4, 2, is agreeable to two, but
always spoiled by a third party.
My whole is an article of furniture.
Answer to Enigma in No. i, Bayard Taylor.
A Careful Charge.
A good story is told of Judge M-
presiding in one of the Supreme 0
districts in Western New York :
ourt
An action was brought iu his court for
one thousand dollars for damages for as
sault and battery. The facts were that
the defendant, while walking in the
street with his wife on his arm, was rude
ly accosted by the plaintiff, whom he had
in some way offended, and was called in
loud and insulting terms an approbrious
epithet. On being thus addressed, the
defendant left his wife and knocked down
the plaintiff, who thereupon brought this
action. The judge sympathized very
strongly with tho defendant, but, as the
case was closely tried by the plaintiff's at
torney, he knew that if there was a peg
given the latter whereon to hang an ex
ception to his charge, tho clever lawyer
would get a new trial. So, when the vi
olence to the law had been duly expatia
ted upon, in the summing up, the judge
arose and charged the jury as follows :
" Gentlcmeu of the jury, if the plain
tiff had met me walking along the street
with my wife on my arm, and had called
me what it is not denied that he called
the defendant, I should have knocked
him down just as the defendant did.
But, gentlemen of the jury, that is not
the law. You may take the case, gentle
men." Tho jury gave the plaintiff six cents
damages, without leaviug their seats.
BSy This ludicrous incident is told of
a quick-witted Boston toper; "Going
into a bar-room he called for somethingto
drink, but was told that no liquor was
sold, but ho might have a glass if he
would buy a cracker, the price of which
was twelve cents. " Very well," said the
Yankee, " hand down your decanter."
This was accordingly doue, aud a strong
draught taken, when, as he was about
departing, the landlord handed him a
box of crackers, and asked him if he
didn't want one. " Well, no, I guess not,"
said the customer, "you sell 'em too dear.
I can get lots on 'em five or six for a cent
anywhere."
8 A waggish journalist, who is often
merry over his personal plainness, tells
this story on himself:
' I went to a chemists the other day for
a dose of morphine for a sick friend.
The assistant objected to givo it to me
without a prescription, evidently fearing
that I intended to commit suicide.
" Pshaw !"said I, " do I look like a man
who would kill himself?"
Gazing steadily at mo a moment he
replied, " I don't know. It seems to mo
if I looked like you, I should bo greatly
tempted to kill myself,
fl Sir John Herchell always main
tained that tho moon was a furnace so
hot a place that nothing could live under
its torrid influence. Capt. John Ericsson
declares that tho moon's surface is one
solid mass of ice. Thus it is, the learned
men of each differ.
A verdant youth at Charles City,
Iowa, sent seventy-five cents to New York,
recently, for a method of writing with
out pen or ink. Ho received the follow
ing inscription, in large type, on a card :
" Write with a led pencil."
Digby says it is true that " there is
more pleasure in giving than receiv
ing," but ho also thinks it especially
applies to medicine, kicks and advice,
HUNTING A MURDERER.
I WAS aroused one morning from a
sound sleep by a quick and loud rap
upon my door.
I had been on duty lato into the
morning and hence kept my bed later than
usual. By tho time my wife had reached
my room I was up and half dressed. She
told mc that Inspector Startling, one of
my brother detectives, wished to see mc.
I hurried down, nnd found him pacing
to and fro across the room in a state of
considerable excitement.
"Ah, Goff, we've got some work on
our bauds," he cried, the moment he saw
inc. " There's been a murder a strange
one by Newgate Market. And come
along, and I will tell you as we go."
As soon as we gained the street, Start
ling resumed :
" Lust evening one of the butcher's
packed a box of meat to go oft to-day,
but this morning he changed his mind,
and concluded to unpack it, as there was
some doubt of tho stuff keeping. When he
removed the cover, ho found the body of
a man cut up and stowed snugly away in
place of his meat, and the latter article
was afterwards found in a neighboring
cellar."
I asked if the butcher was not suspec
ted. "No," replied my companion. "We
knew it could not have been he, for his
time is all accounted for; and, besides,
his character is above suspicion. No ;
some one who knew that the box was
packed to go off this morning, must have
taken advantage of the circumstance,
and thus hoped to gain time to escape,
or perhaps to have the blame upon another,
It was an old man who was murdered,
and it was .evidently done for revenge."
" Why do you think so?" I asked.
" Because his watch and some money
were found iu his pocket."
We overtook a party of men at this
juncture, and ere we had time to converse
much more, we had reached Newgate.
The box was in a small office.
Our first object was to find if the re
mains could be indentificd, but in this
we failed entirely.
Tho next day, news arrived that a
human head had been found in a small
pond in Epping. There might be a olue,
and I was finally set upon tho triick. It
was late in the uiorningwhen 1 started
taking the saddle for my seat, and reach
ing Epping at midnight. I found the
coroner, and with him examined the
human head ; it was the very one I knew
it by the grey hair, and the manner in
which it had been cut off.
My next movement was to obtain a
suit of laboring men's clothes, which my
host procured of a fellow who was at
work in a drain in his garden. I then
made ray own clothes up into a snug bun
dle, which I tied up in an old cotton
handkerchief, and having swung it upon
a stout oaken staff, I started off upon the
Waltham Abbey road, and reached
Hatfield at noon the next day.
It being near dinner time, I sat down,
a few minutes, iu a room fronting a
street where there was a brick building
in course of construction ; the walls had
been raised above the second story win
dows, and half a dozen men wero engaged
in carrying up brick and mortar for the
masons. For somo reason I can not
tell why I watched these operations
with great curiosity.
Finally I noticed one man ,who often got
in tho way of others, and whose move
ments were strange and erratic. No oue
else might have seen this as I did, it ar
rested my attention in a moment.
Sa id I," There's my man."
I sat and watched him for about ten
minutes. I saw that when he set his hod
down, he did so with a nervous jerk ;
and when he started off with tho load
upon his shoulder, he not only moved
away too quickly, but he ascended the
ladder with a speed unsuited to his work.
No hod-carrier ever moved so before. I
also observed that when any one ap
proached, he started, and looked at them
in a way any thing but natural.
I waited to see no more ; but having
thrown my buudle over my shoulder, and
seen that the dirt had not been rubbed
off my hands, 1 started out and walked
up to " my man."
" Do you find work hard here ?" I
asked.
He started as though I had struck
him.
" What do do you want to know for ?"
ho returned.
' Because, I am going to work here."
' Oh, well, the work isn't very bad,"
he said, looking relieved. " But where
are you from ?"
" From Epping."
Ho turned pale, nnd his hand quivered
upon the hod.
" And, by the way," I added, " I saw
a horriblo sight there."
I waited for him to ask some question,
but he only gazed into my face with a
fixed stare, while his whole frnmo trem
bled, aud his pallor increased.
" It was iu a pond," I said at length.
The man started back, whilo his face
assumed a deathly hue, and his hod drop
ped from his hand.
" You look at me as though I did it,"
he gasped.
" I might as well suppose you knew
something of the chopped-up man at
Newgate market?"
The fellow continued to gaze into my
face a moment ; and then turned to flee.
But I had watched for this, and my hand
was upon his collar iu an instant, nnd
with the other I held a pistol to his head.
At this moment tho foreman camo up.
" I have done my work," said I. Of
course many questions were asked, which
I answered as I thought proper. The
man first begged me to shoot him, and
then ho began to declare his innocence
in the most frantic terms. But I could
not believe him. I took him to London
nnd there soon found a full proof of his
guilt.
One of the last acknowledgements he
made was, that " the London detectives
were a strange sort of men." And I
told him that he was not the only crimi
nal who thought so.
Going to Sea in a Coffin.
A Dutch Sailor, (a long time ago) for
feited his life on a Dutch man of war by
the murder of an officer. The captain,
being a humane man, told the poor fellow
that if he had rather be left on a desert
island, where they were about to land to
bury the officer, ho might go ashore, and
thus save his neck from the gallows. Tho
sailor readily assented to this. A party
of marines nnd officers landed nnd buried
the officer, leaving the sailor without a
morsel of food, aud with no prospects btit
starvation, as the island was barren.
This poor sailor had struck tho officer in
a fit or passion, without malice, or inten
tion of killing him ; and he really was not
a bad man at heart. In a few hours' the
vessel was out of sight ! Tho poor fel
low iu bewailing his sad fate, bethought
himself that it was better to bo drowned
than starved. As the sea was calm, he
would construct a raft aud commit him
self to the mercy of the waves rather than
stay there. He therefore travelled over
the whole island, but could not find any
wood of sufficient size to answer his pur
pose. A thought struck him. The coffin
of tho Dutch officer might be disinterred !
It was a large aud broad one for tho dead
officer was a fat mau. The poor sailor
therefore took up the body out of the
coffin, and having well caulked it with
his shirt, and made a kind of a rudder
of the upper board of it, ventured him
self; to sea in the coffin. It happened,
fortunately for him, to be so great a calm
that ho did not upset, and soon ho discov
ered that a ship lay as it were unmovablo
within a league and a half of the island.
Ho was thus enabled to escape a painful
and terrible death from starvation.
Anecdote of Macready.
In 1823 this actor was performing
Hamlet at Birmingham. Walking homo
one night, he saw a small cottage in
flames, surrounded by a crowd of sympa
thizing but frightened people There
came from the centre of the burning
furnace one agonizing cry. Macready in
a moment threw off his hat, coat, and
waist-coat, spraug through the parlor
window lithe and agile as a harlequin ;
reappeared with an infant in his arms,
restored it to its half-crazed mother, and
darting through the crowd unknown, re
turned to his lodgings without his coat,
which had been in a moment ruthlessly,
snapped up. In vain a self-elected com
mittee offered a reward for the brave man.
A few days after, however, a thief was
apprehended whilo offering for sale a
handsome coat, in the sleeve of which
was written the name of the well-known
actor. The papers blazed abroad Ma
crcadv's modesty and intrepidity, and
thunders of applause greeted him when
ever he appeared on the stage. His
benefit shortly afterwards was a bumper ;
and in an anonymous lettor came a bank
note for ten pounds, as a small tribute
to his humanity and courugo. Macready
instantly sought out tho unfortunate
couple who had lost their all in the
flames, and presented them with tho ac
ceptable sum, saying modestly that ho
had only been tho mean instrument i n
tho hand of God, and promising to assis t
tho rescued child iu after years.
a.