The Bloomfield times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, January 04, 1870, Page 2, Image 2

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    (l)c hnc0, New Bloomftcfo, 3a.
peep out as I ordered strong mustard plas
ters to bo prcpr.rcd.
I trusted she would liavo foretli ought
enough, to placo them qn herself in such a
way tliat they' would not pain her, and no
doubt she did. In thecourso of an hour
she professed to be much relieved, "thanks
to uiy skill," us she said, and I took my
departure promising to see her early in the
I went home an entirely different man
from what I had left. Then I was med
itating suicide, while now I looked at the
pistol as I entered my room with horror,
and quickly placed it out of sight.
AY hat had wrought such a change in
my fecliugs in so short a time ? Was it
hope aroused by the trifling circumstance
of the one call I had just had ?
As I sat trying to analyze my feelings
I came to the conclusion that 1 was tak
ing a great interest in my patient, and
now tho question occured was it only pro
fessional interest or was it heightened by
the fact that the patient was a woman a
lovely woman, too. Candor forced me to
admit that the latter fact had great influ
ence. I sat up several hours trying to think
what motives had prompted her to take
this singular step, and finally went to bed
without coming to any conclusion, except
that whatever had influenced her, I was
sure that it could not have been anything
With this I had to be content until
morning when I hoped my early visit
would unravel the mystery now surround
ing my first patient.
A Personal Argument.
Counselor T , one of tho foremost
advocates of tho Bar of New York, was
himself a collegiao and was naturally anx
ious that his oldest son should reap tho
honors of his own Alma M'rtrr. The
counselor had been quite wild in his early
youth,and Master Will manifestly inherit
ed a superabundance of what the philoso
phers of tho Josh Billings school would
call "pure cussedness." During his first
year at college Will was suspended for
some flagrant breach of discipline, and ar
riving homo he proceeded to report the
occurrence to his father.
"Suspended, hey?" the old lawyer
remarked, laying dowu the volume ho was
perusing, and looking reprovingly over
his spectacles. A pretty beginning you've
made of it, I declare !" Tho culprit put
his hands in his pantaloon pockets and
said not a word. Well, sir !" continued
the parent becoming angry at Will's per
fect nonchalance, what have you to say
about it ?"
" Nothing, sir."
Nothing, indeed! What did tho pres
ident tell you when he suspended you?"
" He said I was the worst young man the
college had ever held with one excep
tion." " Ah ! Did he say who that was?"
" Yes, sir." " Ah ! (a slight pause) and
who was it ?" " My father, sir." As may
be supposed, the last reply was a perfect
non sequitcr.
An Oriental Story.
An old Oriental story relates that one
day, Moolla Muscerodccn, in a mosque,
ascended the desk, and thus addressed
his audience :
"O, children of tho Faithful, do you
know what I am going to say ?" They
nswered, " No." " Well, then," replied
Ite, " it is no uso for me to waste my
time on so stupid a set of people !" aud
saying this, he came down and dismissed
them. Next, day he again mounted the
desk, and asked : " O, truo Mussulmans,
do y know what I am going to say ?"
" We do," eaid they. " Then," replied
lie, " tWe is uo need for me to tell you."
And again he let them go. Tho third
time h'ui uttdienea thought they would
catch him, and on putting the usual ques
tion they answered, " Some of us do,
and anme of us don't." " Well, then,"
replied he, " let those who know tell
those who do not "
&2T On one occasion, during the Rev
olution, ' Old Tut' had received a lot of
new recruits, and as lie had some fighting
whieh lie wished to do before long, aud
wanted none but willing men, he drew
up his kvwes iu rank before liiiu. "Now
hoys," wild Ue, " I don't wish to retain
any one of you who wish to leave ; there
fore, if any of you is dissatisfied, and
wishes to rctnra to his home, ho may
signify the same by stepping six paces in
front of the li&e. But," added tho old
war dog, " I'll shout the first man that
teps out"
Tho Dutchman and his love Powders.
ABOUT tho year 1815, a rather stout
coarso looking uiau, apparently
some twenty-five years of ago, came to
my office and wished to speak with Jnc
aside. lie was a Dutchman from up the
river, and spukc our language rather im
perfectly. Having got mo aside, he stated his
case with very great solemnity. lie in
formed uie that lie was in love with a
certain young woman of his neighbor
hood, who unfortunately did not return
his affection. This ho assured me, was
not owing to want of any disposition
on her part, for she was willing to
love him if she could ; and in order to
overcome the natural repugnance she felt
towards him, would consent to any feasi
ble mcaus. A love powder was that
which most naturally suggested itself to
his mind ; and he had called to procure
" I would have got it out of our toctor
to home," ho said, " but 1 was afraid it
might leag out ziun how anodor, and den
I should be a laughiusthog to dc whole
down. Y,o as I was gumming to New
Yorg, 1 tought I might as well kit it
here. What will you ax for one shtrong
love powder, wjint will do dc bizziness i'or
de garl, and make her love me like dcr
tyvil all out ?"
At first I endeavored to reason with
him on the folly of endeavoring to excite
love by means of powders, philters, po
tions, and the like. But 1 found my ar
guments thrown away. I then endeav
ored to laugh him out of his project.
But my ridicule, like my arguments, fell
harmless to the ground.
Finding him resolved on having tho
love powder, come what would. I conclu
ded to give him something which would
satisfy him. I accordingly put up two
powders, of tarter emetic, of (ivo grains
each ; telling him that it was necessary
that ho should take a powder as well as
the girl, in order to produce tho desired
" But I be in lofc. now, "doctor," said
he, " I does not need any of do bowder to
make me lofe more as I do now. What
for should I take it den ?"
" You must take it," said I. "other
wise the powder will have no effect upon
the girl."
" But den I shall have to pay for dwo
bowders instead of one."
I then gave him directions to dissolve
the powders in water, and to tako one
himself and give the girl the other at tho
same time, and that they should bo shut
up together in tho same room at the time
of taking tho powders, and so on for
three hours thereafter ; when, I assured
him, they would produce a remarkable
The fellow went away, well pleased
with the favorable termination to his
love suit : and I thought little more of
tho subject, except occasionally to laugh
at tho physical effect the love jiowders
would be likely to produce on the arinor
ous Dutchman and his Dulcinea. How
far they were likely to produce the de
sired effect, I could not of courso deter
mine ; but as the result would not finally
prove injurious to the health of the par
ties, I was well satisfied.
It was somewhat like a year after this,
that, walking one day in tho street, I
came plump upon my patient. Startled
like Macbeth at the ghost of B.inquo, I
would have avoided him ; and for this
purpose I dodged into tho Hotel
just opposite. But fear often brings the
catastrophe which it seeks to avoid; aud
the conciousness of guilt conjures up
dangers, where in reality nono arc to be
My motions were undoubtedly suspi
cious and the Dutchman detected mo the
sooner for attempting to dodge him. At
all events, ho followed me into the hotel,
and with a very angry countenanco be
gan :
" Be's you not do toctor wat gif me
lofe bowder a twelve month ago ?"
"I what! I a doctor? 1 give you
love powders ?" said I, appearing to bo
vastly surprised at this question "you
must certainly be mistaken iu the man."
" Py jinks, I pelieve you po de man'
persisted tho Dutchman ; you look bo
much like him as one egg docs to an
odcr." "No, my friend," says I. " you must
bo mistaken in the man. But what is
the story of yours about the lovo pow
ders ?" continued I, wishing to learu the
effect they had produced, as well perhaps
as mischieveously to afford sport to the
company in the bar-room.
"What is de ehtory? Why mishtcr
toctor, de lofe bowders'didn't do at all.
Dey was all one tarn cheat. Dey was
nothing more ns one vile tattero mattocks
wnt makes bcoples buke dcr insitcs out.
When I goes home I shuts mincsclf up
in a room mit Kattarina ; and we dakes
one a bowder and todcr a bowder, just, so
as you told inc. Den we waits for do op
eration. Py and py we grows sick in de
stomach. Tinks 1, wat for a tyvil of an
operation is dis ? dat makes me i'eel so all
npout de short rips, de heart, dc sthom
ach ? Put I says Hotting at all, hopin
'twould all durn out for de best. Py and
py we pegins, pote of us, to po just like
do sea in a tundor sthorm. " Oh, how
sick I po !" says Kattarina. Den she
grows bale as a gorpsc, and tought she
would vaiut ; sol puts mine arm round
her vaist to hold her up when, my 0 !
pote on us at once pegins to cry, New
if org! New Yorg! and, py kracious!
you never seen any pody gast up ag
gounts as we did. Dere was put one
winder in do room and we couldn't get
out of do door, begauso I locks it and
trows away do key when I first conies in,
4i lid so wo bote sthieks ourn heads out of
do winder, and bukes, and bakes, and
Jmkes you never seen de likes in all de
days you was born ! And wat do tiuk
was de consequences, toctor ?"
" What, why, I suppose the girl fell
in love with you of course," said I.
" No, py Joe, she hates me teu tousand
dii tes worscr dan ever. She won't so
uiu :h as sphcak to me now. And all de
you ng fellers and do gals dey laughs at
me, mid boints de finger at nie as I walk
de si hreets' and says. Dere go do vool
vat l ouglit de bowders in New Yorg !
And now 1 pe de lauhin shtog of de
whol i blace. And all this gomes of de
tain fcheat of lofe bowders you gm mo
for I ran swhear you pe's to very toctor
wat bl iycd dat trick on me. And if I
ever c-.tches you in our neighborhood,"
conoid led he, doubling his list in a very
threat ning manner, " I'll give yo'i one
of de iogdist lickens you ever had iu all
tc days of your life."
Sayh g this he left the hotel in a rage,
and this was the last I ever saw of him
or hear, of the love powders.
The Comet Tanic of 1712.
Winston the mathematical divine,
the translator of Joscphus had predic
ted that tho comet of 1712 would ap
pear on Wednesday, the 14th of October,
at live minutes after five o'clock, A. M.,
and that tho world would bo destroyed
on the following Friday. Disreputation
for science was as high as his character
for orthodoxy was unquestionable and the
comet appeared punctually leading to
an inferential fear that the rest of the
prediction would be as punctually fulfill
ed. A number of persons got into boats
and barges in the Thames, thinking the
water the safest place. South Sea and
India stock fell. Tho eaptain of a Dutch
ship threw all his powder into tho river,
that tho ship might not be endangered.
At noon, after tho comet appeared, it is
said that more than one hundred clergy
men were ferried over to Laniberth Pal
ace, to request that proper prayers might
be prepared, there being nono in the
church servico appropriate to such emer
gency. People believed that the day of
judgment was at hand, and acted, sonio
on this belief, but more as if some tem
porary evil was to bo expected. Many
wrong were righted, many breaches
of mi rality repaired. There was a great
run on the bank; and Sir Gilbert Hcath
cote. at that time head director, issued
orders ;o all the fire-officers in London,
requesting them to keep a good lookout,
and have a particular eye on the Bank of
England. On the whole, the poor Lon
doners of" that generation appear to have
behaved rather foolishly in the moment
of imagined doom.
Catching a Rascal.
An amusing story is told of an old lady
who had been very much annoyed by the
village boys ringing the door bell and then
running off to enjoy tho fun of the false
summons. So one day the old lady got a
loug switch and stationed herself in the
Hall, for tho purpose of inflicting summa
ry justice upon them. Now it happened
that the new minister, a meek looking
little man, was paying his first pastoral
visits this day, and rang tho door bell at
tho house of this good old sister,
when out jumped the old lady thinking
it was tho boys and laying tho vigorous
whacks of her hickory over tho head of
the little preacher, she exclaimed :
" Oh, you little rascal ! I've caught you
at last." The result can be more proper
erly imagined than describod.
A Thrilling Story.
JOHN TAYLOR was licensed, Vhcn
a youth of twenty-one, to practice
at the bar. He was poor, but well , edu
catcd, and possessed extraordinary genius.
He married a beauty who afterwards de
serted him for another.
On the uth of April, 1810, the Court
House in Clarksville, Texas, was crowded
to overflowing. An exciting case was to
be tried, George Hopkins, a wealthy
planter, had offered a gross insult to Ma
ry Ellison, the young and beautiful wife
of his overseer. The husband threat
ened to him for the outrage,
when Hopkins went to Ellison's house
and shot him in his own door. The
murderer was arrested and bailed to an
swer the charge. The occurrence pro
duced great excitement, and Hopkins in
order to turn the tide of popular indig
nation, had circulated reports against her
character, and she had sued him for
slander. Both suits were pending for
murder and slander.
'1 he interest becamo deeper when it
was known that Ashley and Pike of Ar
kansas, and S. S. Premise, of New Or
leans, by enormous fees, had been retained
to defend Hopkins.
Hopkins was acquitted on the charge
of murder, the Texas lawyers having
been overwhelmed by their opponents.
It was a fight of dwarfs against giants.
The slander suit was set for the lUh,
and the throng of spectators grew iu
numbers as in excitement. Public opin
ion was setting in for Hopkins, his mon
ey had procured witnesses who served his
powerful advocates. When the (dander
ease was nailed, Mary Kllison was left
without mi attorney all had withdrawn.
'Have you no counsel?" inquired
Judge Mil's, looking kindly on the plain
tiff. "
" No sir; they have all deserted me.
and I am too poor to employ any more,"
replied the beautiful girl bursting into
li In such case, will not some chival
rous member of the rofession volun
teer?" said the Judge, glancing around
the bar.
The thirty lawyers were silent.
"I will, your Honor," said a voice
from the thiekcht part of the crowd be
hind the bar.
At the sound of the voice many started
it was so unearthly, sweet aud mourn
ful. The first sensation was changed into
laughter, when a tall, spectral figure el
bowed his way through the crowd, and
placed 'himself within the bar. His
clothes looked so shabby that tho Court
hesitated to let the case proceed under his
Has your name been entered on the
rolls of the State?" demanded the Judge.
" It is immaterial." answered the stran
ger, his thin, bloodless lips curling up
with a sneer.
" Here is my license from the highest
tribunal in America; and ho handed the
Judge a broad parc'huicnt.
The trial went on.
He suffered tho witnesses to tell their
own story, and ho allowed the defense to
lead off. Ashley spoke first followed by
Pike aud Prentiss. The latter . brought
tho house dowu in cheers in which the
jury joined. .
It was now tho stranger's turn. lie
rose before the bar, not behind it, and so
near to the wondering jury that he might
touch the foreman with his long bony
fingers, lie proceeds to tear to pieces
the arguments of Ashley, which melted
away at his touch like frost before the
sunbeam. Every one looked surprised.
Anon he came to the dazzling wit of the
poet lawyer Pike. Then tho curl of his
lip grew sharper, his smooth face began
to kindle up and his eyes to open dim
and dreary no longer, but vivid as light
ning, red as fire globes, aud glaring as
twin meteors. The whole soul was in his
eye ; the full heart streamed out of his
face. Then without bestowing an allu
sion to Prentiss, he turned short around
on the perjured witnesses of Hopkins',
tore their testimony into shreds, and hurl
ed iu their faces such terrible invectives
that all trembled like aspens, aud two of
them fled from tho court house. The ex
citement of the crowd was becoming tre
mendous. Their united life and soul
seemed to hang upon the burning tongue
of a stranger, and he inspired them with
the power of his passions. He Beemed
to have stolen nature's long hidden se
cret of attraction. But his greatest tri
umph was to come.
His eyes began to glance at the assas
sin, Hopkins, aa his lean taper fingers as
sumed the samo direction. He hemmed'
the wretch within a wall of strong evi- "
deiico and impregnable argument, .cutting
off all hope of escape. He dug beneath
the murderer's feet ditches of dilemmas,
and held up the slanderer to the scorn
and contempt of the populace. Hiving
thus girt about him with n circle of fire. .
he stripped himself to the work of inas
s.iereeiug him.
' O ! then it was a vision both glorious
and dreadful to behold the orator. His
action became as impetuous as the motion
of an oak in a hurricane. His voice be
came a trumpet, filled with wild whirl
pools, deafening the ears with crashes of
power, and yet intermingled all the while
with a sweet undersong of tho softest
cadence. His forehead glowed like a
heated furnace, his countenance was hag
gard, like that of a maniac, and anon he
flung his long bony arm aloft, as if grasp
ing after thunderbolts.
lie drew a picture of murder in such
appalling colors, that in comparison, hell
itself might seem beautiful ; he painted
the slanderer so black that the sun seemed
black at noonday, when shining on such
a monster. And then fixing both por
traits on the shrinking Hopkins, fasten
ed them there forever. The agitation of
the audience amounted almost to madness.
All at once the speaker descended
from the perilous height. His voice
wailed out for the murdered dead and
living the beautful Mary, more beauti
ful every moment as tears flowed faster,
and, till men wept and sobbed like chil
dren. He closed by a strange exhortation to
the jury, and through them to the by
standers; the panel, after they should
bring iu a verdict for the plaintiff not to
offer violence to the defendant, however
richly he might deserve it iu other
words, not to lynch the villain but to
leave his punishment to God. This was
the most artful trick of all. and the best
calculated to insure vengeance.
The jury rendered a verdict of fifty
thousand dollars ; and tho night after
ward Hopkins was taken out of his bed
by the lynchers aud beaten almost to
As the court adjourned the stranger
said :
' John Taylor will preach here tbia
evening at early candle light."
He did preach, and tho house was
crowded. I have listened to Clay, Web
ster, and Calhoun to Dwight, Bascoui,
and licecher, but never heard anything
in the form of sublimo words even ap
proximating to tho eloquence of John
Taylor, massive as a mountain, aud wild
ly rushing as a cataract of fire.
In Government Employ.
Tn tho " dark days" of 'Gl there lived
" Down East" two well-to-do Irish neigh
bors, each of whom had a son who had
gone West to seek their fortunes. The
old boys, meeting ono day, mutual
inquiries were made about the young
sters. " Well, Pat, how is Mickey making
out wid his thrip out West?"
"Elegantly! tin dollars a wake, and
bossin' himself. And how's your boy
gittin' on, Diunis ?"
'' Teddy, you mane ? He's doiu' spliu
did, the darlint ! Why, his lasht lether
was butstin' wid greenbacks, and made so
aisy, too."
And what's he doin' ?"
" Faix, 1 hardly know, but it's in the
Government employ he is."
" The divil ye say ! tho Government !
What's ho doiu' for tho Government?"
" Faix, I hardly know what it is, but
I think it's what ho calls laapin' the
A Mistake.
An Ohio paper tells the following sto
ry about the candidate for Secretary of
State :
" During the late canvass, this prince
of good feliows, who, by the way, always
enjoys a good joke, even at his own ex
pense, had occasion, to stop at Oberlin.
he was provided with a comfortable room
at the hotel, and immediately set about
the task of doffing his apparel and cloth
ing himself with an cntiro chango of
dress. After removing from his person
every stitch of clothing, even totheshirt,
(the General is very neat and tasty in his
dress), he stepped forward and opened
a door, as ho supposed, of a closet, for
the purpose of placing therein the doffed
garments. But behold his astonishment
when instead of opening the way to a
closet, he opened a door leading into a
commodious sitting room, which was oc
cupied by a number of ladies."