Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, October 20, 1881, Image 1

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The ItZPOititlit having a larger circulation than
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JOB PRINTING of every kind, In plain and
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13 ASV.
vustness garbs.
DAVIES, & HALL,
ATTOWSZYS-AT-LAW,
SOUTFI SIDE OF WARD HOUSE.
Dec 23-73.
SAM W.. BUCK,
10
- ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
;Noydy79. TOWANDA, PRIMA .
Office—At Treasurer's Ogles, Its Court Rouse
NVH. & E. A. THOMPSON,
. ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW. TOWANDA, PA.
OffiCSl In Derma Block, over C. T. Nirhy's Drug
Store._ All business Intrusted to their care will be
attended to promptly. Especial attention given
to claims against the Putted States for PENSIONS,
BOUNTIES, PATENTS, etc; tosollections and
to the settlement of decedent's estates.
W. H. Timmrsow,
EDWARD A. TIIOMPRPN,
Apr.7:Bl-y1
A BEVERLY SMITH & CO4
BOOKBINDERS,
And dealers In Fret Sawa and Amateurs' Supplies.
Send for priee-Ilsts. ltnrowricic Building.
Box 1512, Towanda, I" . a. March 1,1881.
lIOLLISTER, D. D. S.,
T:
.1)E sTIS T.
Successor to Dr. E. IT. Angie): OFFICE—Second
floor of Dr. Pratt's office.
Towanda, Pa., January 6, 1881.
MADIII &
.KIN NEY, ..-
-
ATTORNEY' F-AT7LAR. -'t -
Office—Rooms formerly occupied by Y. M. C. A.
Reading Room.
It. J. MADILL. 3,18,80 O. D. XINNILY.
JOHN W. CODDING,
_ ll
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, TOWANDA, PA.
oaice over Klrby's Drug Store.
THOMAS E. MYER
ATTOUNEY-AT-LAW,
WYALUSING, PENIVA.
'Particnhr attention paid to huslntss In the Or
phans' Court and to the settlement of estates.
September 25, 1579. •
, •
TOECK OVERTON -•
ATTOEINEYS-AT L AW,
TOWANDA,
OvEuToN, BENJ. M. PECK
1
TIODNEY A. MERCUR -
.
_,U:ti- ' -
ATTORNEY AT-I.A*, -
. . -
•
TOWANDA, PA., .'
Solicitor of Patents. Particular attention paid
to huhiness In the Orphans Court and to the settle
ment of estates.
odlce in Montanyes Block May 1, '79.
OVERTON & SANDERSON,
ATTORNET-AT-L AV! •
' • TOWANDA., PA.
E. OvF.ItTON. da. JOON F. SANDERSON
IXT 11. JESSUP,
11 •
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOTI•AT.LAW,
MONTROSE. PA.
Judge Jessup having resumed the practiceof the
law in Northern. Pennsylvania, will attend to any
legal business Intrusted tohim lu Bradford county.
Persons wishing to ,consult him, can call on I
'Streeter, Esq., Towanda, Pa., when an appointment
can be made.
HENRY, STREETER,
.ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR-AT-LAW.
TOWANDA, PA.
Ti L. HILLIS,
ATTORNEY-AT-L AR,
TOWANDA, rA. (novll-75.
HIl'tAM "E". BULL,
SURVEYOR:
•
ENGINEERING, SURVEYING AND MATTING.
(Mee with G. F.,Mason, over Patch
.& Tracy,
Maio street, Towanda, Pa.
E LSBREE & SON,
•
ATTORNEVS-ATILAW,
TOWANDA, PA.
N. C. ELSBRES.. I.:ELAM=
JOHN W. MIX, f ,
AryORNET-AT-LAW AND IT; S. COUISSIONZII,
TOWANDA. PA. •
Office—North Side Public Square. _
Jan. 1,1875.
_ I ANDREW WILT,
ey •
ATTORNEY-AT-LA.W.
Omee—Meann • flock, Main.st.; over J. L. Bent's
store, 'rowan May be consulted In German.
[April 12,'76.)
XXT J. TOUNG,
Y •
ATTOIINEV-AT-LAW,
TOWANDA, PA
Otlicr—Mercur Block, Park street, tiR . stairs
1 ..7 ) 1 !1 . S
auand ll S:lrgeo lal n 9 0 118 R
tllce' at residence, PhYß ot
)luan street. first door north of M.£. Church.
Towanda, April 1, 15t.1,1.
w r B ov
e .
r K M E .
F L , L R
° l s
fl D e T T l o S w T a . n — d a ? p ill . c e
• Teach inserted on Gold, Silver; Rubber, and Al.
ronium base. Teeth extracted vrlthouq,aln,
0ct.34-72.
1 .1 4 D. PAYNE, M. D.,
PHYSICIAN AND SHIMMY. '
tft re over 3iontanges• Store. Office hours from 10
to 12 A. and from 2 to 4 P. 31.
Special attention given to •
nismAsts . , DISEASES
OF - . and or
THE EYE. THE EAR
AIRS. E. J. •PEREIGO,
TEACHER OP PIANO AND °MOAN. .
Le,..ttis given In Thorough Rats and Harmony
ultivation of the voice a specialty. Located at J.
P. VanFlect's, State:Street.. Reference: Holmes
& Passage. Tovranda, March 4, MM.
G • W. RYAN,
_ .
COUNTY SCPETIIICTENDT.
(Mee day fait Sat urdayof each month, over Turner
-a Gordon's Drug Store, Towanda, Pa.
- Towanda, June 20. Is7S. -
b_s:RussELL , s
''73ENERAL
INSURAN•CE AGENCY
May2i:AtC.. y ' TOWANDA,PA.
- F :D 7 ARD WILLIAMS ,.
PRACTICAL PLUMBER & GAB FITTER.
Place of business, a few doors north of Posbernee.
Flu:Mang, Gas Fitting, Repairing Pumps of all
kinds, and all kinds of Gearing promptly attended
to. All wanting work in his line should give him
a call. ' Dec. 4. 1879.
FIRST NATIONAL BANK,
TOW AN DA, PA.
CAPITAL PAID IN 1125,060
SURPLUS FUND • 76,000
This flank offers unusual facilities for the trans
action of a general banking business,
N. N. BETTS, Cashier.
JOS., POWELL. President.
HENRY 11017SE_,
CORNER MAIN • WASHINGTON STREETS
FIRST WARD, TOWANDA, PA.
Meat at all hoar& Berme to stilt the times. Large
stable attached.
-, i i
Wit. littlitY.PEctlitlwrOW.
Towanda. .I,nly 1. •75-tr. -. ,
A PEW COPIES OF THE ROAD
416 LAWS aka tke bai at Ms 0.444
COODRICH & HITCHCOCK. Publishers.
VOLUME xtal.
:44ANY A DAY IN +/IE ()NAVE:
The summit* has come with Its sweetness,
Its fruits and its flowers so fair;
The fields ate all decked to completeness,
No branch In the forest Is bare.
There's happiness breathing all firer,
As full as the senses can crave;
Come, let us rest here In the clover—
We'll be many a day In the grave I
TOWIL2tDA. PA.
The birds are all cerollirg o'er us.
The bees are all humming around,
Supplying a soul-soothing chorus
To Nature's grand anthem profound.
Let's drink in the perfunto of flowers.
ThaVlows round us, WO upon wave ;
We.surely can spare a few hours—
We'll be many a day In the grave I
And when, as o'er life's way wOrander,
We mee a poor brother dtstaied,
Let's pause In our journey—what grander.l
And lift oil his load for a rest. -
Let's never refine our assistance--
Tr : The man may be worthy and brave : —
And what do we see In the distance f -
Why, many a day In the grave
Heed not the contracted of vision.
Who . see but their own narrow - way ;
Who calk with the primmest precision,
And boast that they're never astray.
Perhaps they'll be vastly mistaken
When doWn - in the Lathe they fave,
Acd their memories be lost and foisaken
Ere they're many days in the glare.
Let us all look atound as we travel; l
And pause at the Green fora dance;
Tarn off for toil's bard-beaten gravel,
Now and than, down the lanes of romance
Ever young keep the heart and the feeling,
The hand over ready to save;
Take part In all helping and healing—
We'll be many a day Inthe,igrave 1
Ofi v list to the song of the ;eon,
That swells around old mother Earth ;
'Tie ransomed hwmanity's pwan.
Proclaiming its brotherhood?a birth l
Let brother stand fast unto brother,
The pathway orprogress to pave ;.
While here let us help one . another—
We'll be many a day in the grave I
The world Is a pretty good Yellow, s ,
Who often Is misunderstood ;
Ifere's a laugh for the wit that Is mellow,
A blow for the cause that Is rod.
Let cou aids, with fear and misgiving,
Go hide In Adullam's dark cave;
But we'll enjoy life while we're living—
We'll beMany $ day In the gravel
The man oLtarge, warm human nature
Findstlme to give aid and delight ;
But the sordid ind told grubbing Crenttire
Can't lift up his brow to the light. ".
I don't want that Man for a neighbor—
He must have the soul of a slave,
Who can't spare a day from his labor— ,
He'll be many a day in.the grave I
A Policeman's Mbtake.
It was a dull, rainy day toward
the end of A ugust---one of those days
when earth and sky alike are gray
and dreary and the rain-drops pat
tering against the window sound like
human sobs. The clock that hung .
against the wall pointed to the hour
of three -in the afternoon, and I was
sitting by myself in our little inner
office, -looking out at the expanse of
dull, gray wall - that formed my only
prospect from the not over-clean
window and thinking I had read eve
ry square inch of type in the news
papers. I had made out all the-nec
ecessary papers and documents, and
was now with literally 'nothing to
do.' I was musing about Kitty El
ton, and wondering how long -it
would be before I should be able to
marry her. .
Dear little Kitty I She was as
sweet and as patient as it was in the
nature, of a • woman to be ; but I
knew it was a hard- life for her in
that over-crowded milliner's work=
room, day after day and,mnnth,after
month, and I longed to set her free
from the - monotonous captiLiity. She
was a pretty blue-eyed girl of twenty,
with a dimple. in her chin and- the
sweetest roses on her cheeks that
ever inspired the pen of a poet. I
was no poet, yet I think I under
stood and appreciated all her wo
manly grace and delicate beauty as
dilly as if my heart's thoughts could
shape themselves into verse. And it
was of them I was 'thinking when the
door opened and Mr. Clenner came
in.
Feb 27, '79
Mr.: . Clenner was our echier—a
dark, silent little man with a 'square,
stern mouth.and , clouded gray eyes,
which appeared almost expression.
less when - they were t - ctrned full upon
you, , and yet which seemed; to se
everything-at a glance 6 He eat - down
beside me. • , •
'Meredith,' he said in a quiet, sub
dued tone that was natural to him,
'didn't you say that you• were getting
tired of doing nothing ?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Well, I have something for you to
do.' • $
'What is it, sir?'
'Something that will bring you
both credit and friends if you man
age it skilfully. I had intended to go
myself, but . circumStances happen un
towardly, and I :shall send you in
stead. -
Bending his head toward me and
speaking scarcely above a whisper,
he told me the special business on
which I was to be sent. There had
been, it seems, a series of very heavy
forgeries lately committed with a
boldness and audacity that fairly
seemed 'to set the authorities at defi
ance. For some Unite he had been in
doubt as tattle exact perpetrator of
the, crime ; but after much quiet in
vestigation • and casting hither and
thither he had deteeted, the bidden
spring --one Perley Matterson—who
had skillfully eluded all 'pursuit, and
was—now somewhere hiding ; in the
northeastern portion of the State.
His whereabouts had been ascertained
as nearly as possible, and it'was for
me to go quietly up and apprehend
him before he should become aware
or our knowledge of all his move
ments.
I sat listening to all the various
details of our plans as they were
sketched out by Mr. Clenner. The
reward that had been privately offered
was high. My heart leaped as I re
flected how much nearer it would
bring me to Kitty Elton ; nor did
the enterprise seem particularly diffi
cult to accomPlish.
'Do you think you can do it?' Mr.
Clenner asked after the whole thing
had been laid before'me.
'Yea, sir. When shall I start?'
'Now ;- within half an hour.'
'Yes ; why not ?' -
I could think of- no sufficient rea
ca one s -which I did n$ 1110
t
'4;,,
BY .P. S. CASSIDY.
& TRUE STORY.
b...,.,
~
~
to communicate to my supyrior—tbe
longing wish to see Kitty ()nee more
before I started. -
__l ' -
'Just as you decide , Xi. Cleaner,
i t I
of course," I said, tieing. f I take
the four o'clock express shall be
there by 4aylight to-morro morning.'
'Yes, and that is alto ether the
best_ plan. He wilrnot re ' sin long
in any one place just at present, de
pend upon it, and what yob have to
do must be done at once.'
All through that long night jour
ney I mused upon the'task that lay
before me. The house to — which]
was directed was in theamid,Ot,W
woods, about half a mile beyond the
village of Drownville—the rgeidetee
of Mrs. Matterson, the mothdr of the
audacious forger. If help wks need
ed, I was fully authorized , to tall for
it upon the 'constabulary;iutiforities
of. Drownswille, but I c Ifected to
need none.
The rosy dawn was jinx flushing
the eastern sky when I slighted—
stiff, weary and jaded—from the train
at the little way-station of Drown.
'Can you direct me to Mrs. Mat
terson's place P I asked of 06 sleepy
station-master, who was yawning be
hind the little aperture of -the ticket
office.
‘Matterson—Mrs. Matters= ? I
don't knnw her, but I gimes likely I
can tell you where she lives. Just
you - follow - the main street 'of the vil
lage oat about half a mil; and ye'll
come to a patch'of woods, with bars
at the fence. Go through them bars
a little way further on,, and, ye'll see
a little yaller house, 'just. the last,
place in. the world where you'd ex
pect, to see a house. That's-where
Mrs. Matters= lives.'
I thanked my informant and set
out on a brisk walk, carrying my
traveling bag. • It wei quite a .dis
tance ere I emerged from thisuburbs
of the 'main street' into a quiet and
secluded road, or rather lane. The
'patch of woods,' with the bars and
the 'little yaller house'la cream
colored, cottage literally, -overgrown
with honeysuckles— rewarded my
search,-and as I knocked at the door
a cluck somewhere inside struck
seven.
, A. decent-looking elderly • woman
in widow's weeds came t4:.t.he door.
'IS Mr. Matterson Perley?"
'No,' she answered quickly tith,
as I imagined, rather a con fused look.
I did not believe her, and 'asked qui
etly
'When do you gxpect him home?'
'Not at.present.'
Apparently,she expected me to go
away, but instead I stepped in.
:'Mother,' asked a, soft voice at the
head of the stairs,"who is it?' ,
And then for the first time I be
came aware that acute one had been
watching our colloquy from the head
of :the stairs—a young girl, dressed,
like the mother, in deep black, with
very brilliant eyes and a profusion of
jet-black ringlets.
'Some one to , see your brother.l
She came half-waydown the:Stairs,
pushing back her culls with one hand
and looking at me with wonderful
eyes. Even then her beauty struck
me as I stood gazing at her.
'Terry is not at home,' she' said
hurriedly. 'lle has gone away.. We
do not know when he will return'
Evidently'this mother and daugh-
ter were in the secret of Mr. 11,1atter
son's villainy, and doing their best
do screen him from its consequences.
My heart bled for both of them ; but
it was no time to indulge , in senti
mental pity. Speaking as briefly as
1 - could, I told them it was My duty
to compel them to remain where they
were till I searched the house.
MO. Matterson sat down, pale and
trembling; her daughter colored high.
'Mother,' she said, 'Why do you
stand by and listen to such slanders?
It is false ! Let this man search the
house if he will; my brotheris as in
nocen•; as I am !'
No, opposition vvas offered to my
search. It was entirely fruitless,
however ; there Was nowhere any
trace of the 'flown bird. Nevertheless
I concluded to remain there quietly
for a day or two, to see what a little
waiting might bring forth. •
The same afternoon Clara Matter
son came in as I sat by the piazza
window, keeping a quiet watch on all
the surroundings..
'Mr. Meredith:, she said softly,
`mother thinks I have been rude to
you. She says it was not'your fault,
personally, that you were sent here
on such a mistake; and perhaps she
is right. lam very sorry if I have
hurt your feelings.-
The pretty, penitent way in which
she spoke quite won my heart, antra
few, questions on my part seemed to
unlock the hidden recesses of her
confidence. She talked, at first stiyly;
but afterward with more assurance,
of herself, her absent brother and
her mother, giving me a, thousand
artless little family details which I
almost dreaded to tear. The twilight
talk was one of the pleasantest epi
sodes of my no means universally
pleasant life, and I was considerably
annoyed when it was.broken in upon
by the arrival of the Drownville con
stables, who were to watch through
the night; - - At—the sound of their
footsteps on the piaza floor Clara
rose up and sat down again, confused
and frightened.
'O, Mr.. Meredith ;, those men—'
'Be easy, Miss MattersOn; I said ;
'you shall in no way be annoyed by
them. •Your rrivady shall _not be
broken in upon believe me.' '
'I know I am silly; faltered Clara,
'but oh ! it seems so dreadful.!
My orders to the men wero brief
and succinct. I stationed, them as
seemed best to me, and then; returned
to spend the evening with Miss Mat
terson. And when I was at length
left alone I could' not help thinking
—God forgive ine---bow much more
winning and graceful she was than
poor Kitty Elton. .
At length the answer C 1111163 to my
report to Mr. Clennpr. .It was short
and to the purpose.:
'Come back. You aroonly losing
time. If the bird haollown womnst
look elsewhere for him.
I read the .missive ' with a pang.
Clara Matterson'a cheek deepened in
color as 1 annonneed my'departure
to her,
;~•
~~,
El
!. ; i
, • -
( TOWANDA BRADFORD COUNTY, VIIII1121)AY MORNING, OCTOBER 20 1 1881.
Was 1 foolish to press the jetty
ringlet to my lips ere I laid it closely
against my heart? Clara evidently
thought I was, for she laughed, but
did not seem displeased:,
Mr. Clenner seemed annoyed when
I got back to the Bureau; rather an
unreasonable proceeding on his part,
for I f certainlydid all that man could
do under the circumstances. •
'We haVe been mistaken. all the
way through,it seems,' he said, biting
his :lip: 'Strange, very strange; I
was•neverluistaken before in my cal
culation. Well, we must try again."
I went. to Kitty Elton's that night.
She received me with , a sweet, shy
sadness of irelcome that-should have
made. nie the happiest man in the
world, but it did not. Clara Matter
son's dark
.beauty seemed to stand
between me and her like a visible
barrier. When I took my leave there
were tears in her eyes. •
'Kitty, you are crying
'Because you are 'changed. Ed
ward, you do not love me as well as
you' did
'Kitty, what nonsense l'
It'svas vexed with her, simply be
cause I knew her accusation was truej
-But 1-kissed her once more and took
my leave, moody and dissatisfied.
When. I reached the office next
morning Mr. Clenner was - not there.
Ile has gone to Brownville," said
mgellow-detective ; 'he went last
ni t.'
3 To Drown Ville !'
111143ABDUI88 4:4:I4tWOLLTION ram ANY QUOTE& • • 111.00 per. Annum In Adimnoe.
'Yon have , been far .kinder ..than
we flared to hope, Mr. Meredith; she
aahr t as I held her hand in mine.
ThWeader will easily, perceive how
our intimacy had progressed.
smiled, hung her head, and taking a ,
pair of scissors from the table, sev
ered one bright black curl from the
abundant tresses that hung over her
forehead. _ ' '
'Keep this, Meredith, in mem
orl'of me.'
w.is seriously annoyed. Did Mr.
Ckenner distrust the accuracy of my
reports? or - did he imagine that I
Was unable to institute a thorough
and complete investigation of the
kern iSCS ? -
'lt's very strange,' I mused aloud.
t Jone's laughed.
'Well,' he said, 'you know. Clenuir
has a way of doing strange things.
Depend upon it, he has good reasons
for his conduct.'
I was sitting at my desk two - days
subsequently, when the, door glided
noiselessly open and punier himself
entered.
'You are back again, sir. And
what luck ?'
'The best' •
'You don't mean to say you have
got him?'
do mean to say it. Edward Mei
edith, I knew I could not be entirely
mistaken. Perley Matterson is in the
nest room; half an hour from now
he will be in prison.'
'Where did you apprehend him ?'
'At home, in his mother's house.'
'But—'
'He was there all the time you re•
mained there. Ned, my boy, you've
made a blunder for once; but don't
let it happen again'
'What do you mean; sir?'
For reply he opened the door of
the private inner apartment, his own
special sanctum. A slight boyish
figure' leaned against the window,
smoking a cigarette, with black curls
tossed back from a marble-white
brow and brilliant eyes. He mock
ingly inclined his head, as I stared
at him, with amotion not unfamiliar
to me.
'Clara Matterson 1'
'Yes, he said. in a soft, sarcastic
voice • 'Clara Matterson, or Perley
Matterson, or whatever you choose
to call me Many thanks for your
politeness, Detective. Meredith ; and
if you would like another lock of
I turned away, burning scarlet,
while. Mr. Clennei closed the door.
'Never' mind, my boy, it will be a
lesson to you,' he said laughing. 'He
makes a very pretty girl, but I am
not at all susceptible.
What a double-dyed fool I had
been I had lost the reward, failed
in the estimation of my fellow-otßeers,
and behaved like a brute to-poor
Kitty—and all for what ?'
I went to Kitty and told her the
whole story,"and to my surprise the
dear, faithful little creature loved me
just as well as ever.
won't be jealous of Perley Mat
terson, Edward,' she said; smiling,
whatever I might be of his sister.
And, dearest, don't be disconrged.
I'll wait as long as you please; and
you will be a second Mr. Cleaner yet.'
She was determintd to look on the
bright side of things, this little Kitty
of mine But I felt the mortification
none the less keenly, although, as
Mr. Cleaner said, it woUld undoubt,
edly prove a good leison to me. .
Perley Matterson's girlish beauty
is now eclipsed in the. State's , prison;
nor do I fay him. The stake for
which he played was high—and he
lost !
How SHE HELPED HER MOTHER.—
don't:See how I'd git along with
out Mary, nohow," Mrs. Blucher ob
served, pausing to wipe the perspira
tion from her aged features anirput
another ladle of soft soap into the
steaming suds, while her daughter's
voice at the piano could be distinctly
recognized, - floating. Oa from the ad
joining parlir. "I don't see how I'd
git along without that gal, nohow.
/Ways on these nights, when I have
the tiringest work, she just picks out
her nicest pieces, like 'Sweet rest by
and-by,' growing old;' and
sings 'em fur me afore she goes "out :
on the lawn with the other young
folks. 'Taint every gal as ud be so
thoughtful, I kin tell you.. Now,
most or 'em ud jest bang away with
'Jordan is a hard road to travel,' or
'Whoop 'em up, Eliza Jane,' but she
ain't none o' that sort. She's a pile
o' comfort to me—a pile & comfort:"
`And Mrs. Blucher fanned herself vig
orously with ber soiled apron, pre-
paratory to running the clothes thro'
the second water.
&muss bs primarily the squint of sus
loins ; And suspicion is 55t4141404 be
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Hawlt Was Done.
A 'BONNE AT; Til#' "SQUIRE% IN TUB
NO11:1 1 11' STATE:
A couplifrom' Virginia landed in
Milton the other morning to be mar
ried. by 'Squire Lewis. They walked
band-in-habd .up Main street and
took, a seat upon the front step of
the' °Squire's Wiled, and the man ask
ed fora liednse. As the 'Squire was
preparing 4,4 make - it, out the buxom
girl beganWo inch off, and hesitated,
and flnallyfimid to the young man in
a. half whieker
'John,' Zap she, 'I don't believe I
ne:yet did feel'so ilustrated—
lawd I I 'Wonder what papa's doing
now—l feek4ight tremblesome—less
go back ; Conn on, John.'
'Well, yob don't want thi license
thenl' - said _the 'Squire.
Hold Oii thar, Mister; yes, we
do," said tbe man.
. Then be Moved closer . up and set
his chin to .11. nest work:
'Now, Stilly,' said he, " don't go
on thawN . oly ; what 'ad the folks
say? It '0 be awful hard on . me
An' thar'sAbe candy stew at Bob
Brown's t-lght, an aller that; and
Sukey Jobes would jest die a-grin
nin' over you about it. She was mad
as pizen tisterday when she heard
we was cdniin'--' •
' I dprqt mind her no more'n the
dust oir My feet, but Ifeel so skittish
like Johat; wisteermydie if 1 haint
sorry we dome. I don't want'er , get
married JOhn,..!,
'Say, liter, fix on-your papers,'
said John nuthin, r
more'n - statidin' up in spellin' class at
Oldfleld
' Well, sand up,' said the 'Squire.
" I'm ready'
But as,bq ceremony was - under
way the girrierkeeback, exclaiming:
be Johndinged of I do.'
The 'Squire suggested that the
license had been given, and they had
gone most . to far to back out uow.
That's so !' said John. Stand
fast, Sally 1 Don't git all in'er quiver
now," gently . taking her arm. 'Come'r
long in -place • it's most over with;'
and she elide d back.
As the 'Squire said, now pro
nounce you man and wife !"
' Lud amercy cried the bride, an'
it is done ?' • -
You bet 'tis—easy as spellin' ;
and now we'll go,' said the man; and
they m'unted the horse double and
rode out of. town.--Reidsuille N. 0.
Times.
Don't Whine.
Don't be 'whining about having a
fair chance Throw a sensible man
out of the window, he'll fall on his
feet, and ask the nearest way to his
work. The more ;s , coU bare to begin
with, the less you!!l have in the end:
Money you can earn yourself is much
brighter than you' can get out of
dead men's bags. A scant breakfast
in the morning of life whets the ap
petite for a feast. later in the day.
He who has tasted a sour apple will
have the more relish for a sweet one.
Your s present want , will make your
future prosperity all the sweeter.
Eighteenpence has set up. many a
peddler in business, and he has: turn
ed it over until he -has kept his car
riage. Am for the place you are cast
in, don't find -fault with that; you
need not be a horse because you were
born in a stable. If a bull tossed a
man of mettle sky- „high, he would
drop down into a good place. A
hard-working young man with his
-wits about him will make money
while others will do nothing but lose
it. ' Who loves his work and knois
how to spare, may live and flourish
anywhere.'
As to a little trouble, who expects
to find cherries= without stones, or
roses without thorns ? Who would
win must learn to bear. Idleness
lies in bed sick of the mulligrubs,
where industry finds •health and
wealth. The dog in the kennel barks
at fleas; the hunting dog does not
ever.know that they are there. Lazi
ness waits till the river is dry, and
never gets to, market. Try' swims
it and makes all the trade. 'Can't
do it' would not eat the hrsaFl:set
before him, hut TIP - niadetieatiaut
of mushrooms.
Does the World Miss Any One ?
- Not long. The best and most use
ful -of us will soon be. forgotten.
- Those whO to-day are filling a place
in the world's regard will pass away
from the remembrance ,of men in .a
few months, or at the , farthest in a
few years after the, grave has closed
upon their, remains. .
We are shedding tears above a
hew-made grave and wildly crying
out in our grief that our loss is irre
parable, yet in a short time the ten
drils of love have entwined around
other supports, and we no longer
miss the one"who has gone.
- So passes the,world. But there are
those to whom a loss is beyond re
pair. There are men from whose
memories no woman's smile can chase
recollections of the sweet. face that
has given up all its beauty at death's
icy touch. There are women whose
plighted faith extends beyond the
grave, ' and drivea away as profane
those who would entice them from a
worship of their buried loves.
Such loyalty, however, is' hidden
away from public gaze. The world
sweeps on beside and around them
and cares not to look in on this un
obtruding grief It carves a line and
rears a stone over the dead-and ;has
tens away to offer homage to the liv
ing. It cries out weepingly,''k roy
eat mort,' but with the next breath
exclaims joyously, 'rive le roy.'
- The American " I Guess."-
It may be well to consider the'
AMerican 'I guess,' which is often
made the subject of ridicule by En
glishman, unaware of the fact. that
tile-expression is . gclod Englip.h.
a
It is -found in few works written
during the last century, and_in many :
written during_the — seventeenth cen
tury,. So careful a writer as Locke
used the expression oftener than once
in his , treatise 'On the Human Un
derstanding.' In: fact the disiise of
the expression In later times seems
MEM=S=I
II
to have been due to 'change in the
meaning of the word 'gnaw.' An
,Englishman whii - Would sayll guess'
'now would not mean what Locke did
when ha used the expression in for
times; or what- an American
means when he uses It in our own
day. We say, 'I games that riddle,'
or 'guess what you mean, signifying
that we think We answer to the rid
dle or the meaning of what we have
heard may be such and such. But
when an American says guess so,'
he &lee not mean. 'I think it may be
so,' but more nearly ktknow it to be
so.' The expression is closely akin
to the old English saying, 'I wig.'
Indeed the words 'guess' and 'wis'
are simplydiflerent forms of the same
word: Just es we have' `guartV, and
'Ward,' 'guardian' and 'warden,'
'Guillaume and 'William,' guichett
and 'wicket,' Ac., so we have the
verbs to 'guess? and to 'wis.'—Gen
tleman's Magazine.
Spooperulyke's Picture-Hanging.
Well, my dear,' said Mr. Spoop
endykei with a nail in his moutb,
and balancing hiniself waveringly on
a dining-room chair,' all you've got
to do is to get: your picture ready,
and I'll show you how to hang the
thing.'
It's awful sweet of you, pet,' said
Mrs. Spoopendyke; :Alternately rub
bing the frame of :a very hectic chro
mo and sucking the thumb she bad
been hammering for the last twenty
minutes. ' It's awful sweet and
thoughtful of you, dear,. to offer your
assistance at such a time, for do
believe I never would have got a nail
driven in that stupid wall.'.
• Of courseyou wouldn't, my
dear !' laughed Mr. apoopendyke.
Who ever saw a woman that Could
drive a nail? You. couldn't drive a
galvanized carpet-tack in a 'leven
pound bladder of putty. And speak
ing of driving nails, I'd like to know
it' you're ever going to hand up that
hammer, or meat-pounder or whatev
er you've been_ :using. Think I can
drive nails with my elbow?'
' It's the , stove-handle, love,'' said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, meekly, handing
him a mysterious-looking implement,
with a wooden handle , at one end
and the tinder jaw of a shoemaker's
plyers at the other.
Oh, it's a stove-hook, is it?' said
Mr. Spoopendyke, regarding the wea
pon with a sinister expression. 'Now ;
if you'd handed me up a dog-iron - or
a pair of steelyards, I'd have been
right at home; but a stove-hoiok
Really, my dear, I'd rather under
take to drive it nail with a scythe
handle."
But the wal!'s so son and lovely,
dear, it really drives , them beautiful
ly—if they .would only stick," said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, reassuringly.
' Only stick !' said Mrs. Spoopen
dyke, contemptuously ; now I'll bet
that you miter wet the mucilage on a
single nail before you started. That's
ir by they didn't stick for you—ouch !
suiferin' Moses! - Are you going to
stand serenely by and sec me beat
my knuckles into a shapeless pulp
with this dod-gasted, measly marlin
spike?.! •
Poor-dear 1' said S Mrs. - Spoopen
dyke, consolingly. ' You do act so
impatient—and at the first trial, too.
Maybe it struck something hard in
the plaster. Try another place—
that's the way I managed that.'
Oh, yes,' said Mr. Spoopendyke,
that's the way you managed it! and
you have punched enough holes in
here to play cribbage in. Will you
gimme another nail ? Don't yini see
I've knocked this one fiat, and can't
unpry it up again?' •
Can't unpry it up *in 1' ejacu
lated Mrs. Spoopendyke; in a very
gentle voice, handinc , him another
nail. Qin% unpry it up again t i Well,
if that ain't grammar!' •
' Oh, ain't it ?i said Mr. Spoopen
dyke, with a most horrific smile. 'Of
course it ain't, you old feifale semi
nary with a‘cracked bell in your cu-
Iguing to seh9c!Lto
or ain I driving nails?'
Well, dear,- sighed Mrs. Spoopen
dyke, you're surely not (hiving
nails.'.
' No, you can just bet'l'm not driv
in' nails, and you can bet I ain't a-go
ing to try to drive no more nails nei
ther! And - you can bet,' continued
Mr. Spoopendyke with still density
ing intensity, and a war-dance flour
ish as he leaped to the floor, ' and
you can just bet your high - muck•a
muck, if you set that measly old
chromo of yours on the side-table,
I'll throw this dodgasted thing so
through 'it that it won't get back
in a century 1'
" Self-Made" Men and Women
Self-made men of President Gar
field's type are . often Justly claimed
as being among the finest fruits of
our institutions. There is another
class who also deserVe well our praise
—thoie:who have had to overcome,
not so much their early disadvan
tages, as what many people would
consider their early advantages. They
did not have to surmount poverty but
to surmount wealth—not to rise out
of adversity but above prosperity.
They have had . to learn to sympathize
with those in need without ever hav
ing shared their necessitous condition.
to espouse radicalism& when they had
everything to, lose by change.. It is
hard, at any rate, to get, good work
out of , those who are born to inherit
what others have earned by working;
hoir much harder when their career
is thistined to involve not merely
work; but the loss of early friends
and t)erhaps of all the special de
lightei of the society' in which they
were born.- To accept these condi
tions and to do . it knowingly and
cheerfully,' is to be a self-made man
or woman indeed.
A rich young lawyer was once told ,
by an older one That the way to suc
cess was this : To spend his fortune;
then to roam and spend his wife's;
after which he could.hope to succeed
at the bar. But to achieve a really
independent moral . position=to be
indeed a"self-made man or atrue man
akall—implies more than success at
the bar; for it needs not only intel
lect, but'the highest 111018 besides. TO
accomplish this in spite of early "ad
_
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vantages' is in many respects hard
er than to rise out of what is called
obscurity. ' , To begin with, it wins
far less sympathy durhigthe process.
Everybody is, interested in ' The -Ro
mance of a Poor Young Man.' Those
of the class from which he came,
whatever it be, are apt to cheer him
on; and to rejoice, with almost tire
some repetition, that he was once'rt
rail-splitter, or a tanner, or II flat
boatman: After his career of Lila,.
Unction is once begun, he has every
inducement to make the most of these
circumstances in his career; they are
counted to iim for merits, and he is
tempted to exaggerate them, like the
character in`Dicken's Bleak House,
(' Hard Times r) whose main stock
in trade lay in his early struggles,
and was put to shame at last by the
discovery that he came of , worthy
and well-to-do parents. But the man
who-tries to elevate himself into in
dependence of character out of "for
tunate' surroundings is apt to find
himself unfortunate. Those of the
class he is leaving do not urge him
on; but are more apt to censure him
or satirize him; and Where this is
true of - man it is twice as true of
the other sex. I remember one oc
casion when a lecture was to' be de
livered in Newport, by one of .the
most accomplished women in New
England. A-h! now I have named
her, which I did not mean to do P—
ILO-Warrington 2 once said of the
same person, after' applying to he r
somewhat similar. epithet. 'Only a
think said.one of the little q ueen
of our littleisociety, as she read tba
announcemeht, that woman was
lady once IT
I well re ember= when a boy, to
- have only h'eard of Lothrop - Motley
as the handsomest fop and fianeur in
Boston- 4 the manager of fashionable
assemblies, the leader of the dance.
Wendell Phillips in his Cambridge
oration the other day; described the
process of change which transformed
Motley into an author and then into
a reformer; and made his pen worth
a dozen diplomatists to' his country
when the opening of the war found
the United L States almost without a
friend In Ehrope. Of Mr. Phillip's
own carcer L l neeil hardly speak; `nor
of that other charming orator, who
with his new Harvard honors upon
himaraised Phillips at the Phi Beta
Kappa dinner in words almost as
eloquent as his own. Whatever., be
their errors or shortcomings, I never
think of men and women such as I
have named—and the list might
easily be male longer, without recall
ing that fine passage in which George
Colman, in his once famous' - Looker-
On,' describes Sir Philip Sidney—
putting the language, be it observed,
into the mouth of a woman. This is
the closing paragraph
This bright and accom p lished
cavalier might, if he 1 -pleased, in his
day, have - set the fashion of a shoe
, tie or altered the shape of any man's
peruque in 'the country; but he
I thought it more beseeching his man
hoo-;1 and his `greatness of soul to
hold out a. brave example 'of virtue
and religion. While all were look
ing up to him as the sample of court
say, of elegance and gallantry, he
was bethinking himself 'of his Phara
phrase of the Psalms. He fell fight
ing for 'hkcountry, and died in an
act of Christian charity.'—Col. T.
IV.lliggin.gon in The Womanls Jour
nal.
Garfield's Heavenly Escort.
A Wilmington, Pel.,despatch says:
" The people in this vicinity are
greatly excited odes what they be
lieve to be supernatural .manifesta
tions. A.little girl some three weeks
ago, livin g c , in this village, saw after
nightfall, before the moon' was Jfairly
up above the horizon, iiiatoqns of
angels slowly marching and counter
marching to and fro. in the clouds,
their white robes and helmets glisten
ing in the light. At intervals the
heavenly visitors would dance mourn
fully. --- - .llerlather also saw the spec
tacle. Monday night two weeks ago
William West, a farmer living near
Georgetown, the county seat, saw
bands of soldiers of great size, equip
ped in dazzling uniforms, their mus
kets shimmering in the pale, weird
- light that seemed to be everywhere,
marching with military precision up
and down, and presenting arms. The
vision lasted long enough to be seen
by , a number of Nest's. neighbors.
Many people, living near Laurel,
many miles away, sitriated in the
lower end of the Peninsula, saw the•
same, extraoirlinary phenomena - . A
few go as far as` to say that they dis
tinctly saw in the midst of the sol
diers, and conspicons •by reason of
his size and commanding presence,
the hero President himself, with every
feature . distinctly an,l _ vividly por;
trayed. In Talbot county the illusion
was seen by numbers."
What England Will Do.
'England will scratch before long,'
said O'Donotan.Rosia yesterday.
'How soon?' -asked the reporter.
'Between now and Christmas.'
'Please read this/ said the reporter,
handing to him a newspaper clipping,
as follows :
'LONDON, September Eight
cartridges marked "11. S." - have been
discovered in a bale of cotton at the
Abbey Spinning Company's works
near Oldham. It is believed they
were placed there with the design of
setting fire to the mill. The usual
Fenian reports nre current.'
'Well, now, do you see that? Dear
me I' exclaimed O'Donovan Rossa
•
after he had read it slowly.
. 'Du you know anything about it?'
th ••reporter asked.
Not 1. This is the first I have
.he rd of it.
How do iyou account for it ?'
,We furnish the money and the
material here, aad the .men on the
other side do what they think best.'
-
But they ddn't intend to burn --
milli, do they ?'
I won't be interviewed: Ws any
thing to hart England.'
4 / Perhaps the cartridges were meant
tia be found ?' '
'Perhaps so; a little scare goes a
rat watt--Neio York Sun, al
NEW
Comet D.
TITE PROBABLE FUTURE OP THE ZR.
RATIO C.ELESTIAL . VISITOR.
The list aMierc among the new
comets of the ,year, discovered by
Professor Barnard, of Nashville, on
the night of the President's death,
makes small advances toward visibil-
ity, for it can yet be seen only by the
aid - of the telesope. It may, however
auddenly blaze forth into a famous
Specimen of its class, for nothing in
the material universe is' more unae,-
eotntable than the vagaries of a
come‘ The probability is l however,
that it has fulfilled its mission in re
warding the-discoverer with a prize
of two hundred dollars, and may in
cite competitors to renewed effort to
secure the four cometic Prizes still
attainable during the
,year. It is
worthy uf note that, four comets are
now visible with telescopic aid. ' They
are the great comet B, Slucberle's
comet C, Barnard's comet D, and
Buckets comet. Comets B and C
have passed their perihelion, are re
treating from the' earth, and soon
they places will be known no more.
Comet p. has as yet no tail,.but as it
has not , yet reached perihelion, one
ay suddenly appear. Encke's cornet,
which makes us a visit once in three
and a quarter years, never hid a tail,
and is seldom picked up by the un
aided eye. It is now in the constel
lation Auriga, where four of the five
comets of the year have appeared.
The "great year," 1881, will not
prove specially prolific-in comets un
less several new ones are found du l
ring the three months that remain.
The year 1880 numbered eight com
ets on its list, and thus far the year
1881 includes only fotir new ones.
But with prizes of two,.hundred dol
lars to reward research, stragglers in
.celestial territoiies will `find it hard
to escape the eager ken of comet
seekers. It is difficult to tell wherein
the value of these telescopic comets
lies, or what practical good is effect
ed by adding them to„ the system.
They are worse than the tiny aster
oids.that are/ being caught in astro
nomiCal nets; for the comets.are seen
for a brief , space and then depart
never to returl again, but the aster
oids, that are often lost are . as often
rediscovered.,:-From the Providence
Journal.
A Strange Tribe of Indians.
Looking, on the map of New Mexi
co, on the eastern confines of Ariiona,
in latitude 3 - 4 and-longitude 100, you
will see the country .of the Zunies.
These Indians'are white as any other
people, have, lieht.' flaxen hair, and
the Indian Mies might even 'be con
sidered blonde beauties. Some of
them have red eyes—albinos. The
women have regular, pretty features;,
are very modest, gentle, moral and ,
truthful—as also are the men. They
are intelligent, cultivate their, corn•
and cereals, and always have on hand,
stored and stock for several years
ahead, a sufficient supply fot their
community. They are not a warlike
race. After the Navahoes, their more
warlike neighbors, conquered them,
or perhaps before, they built their
village or town in the form of a hol
low square, as a quasi fortress. Into
this =hollow square they lead their
flocks and herd at night, shut the
gate, climb up by ladders to the roof
of their adobe houses, haul up, the
ladders and go to sleep in confident
security. The entrance to their-dwell
ngs is only by the roof—like the In
dians of Taos and other places in
New Mexico -= as a means of safety.
Their worship is a mixture of idolatry
and catholicism, so Tar as could be
ascertained. They worship a very
ancient picture of the transfiguration,
the origin of which they know not
and' have no tradiqon. Unlike the
Navahoes or Nabajdes their neigh
bors, they are a peaceful, simple race,
but are dwindling away and soon
will become extinct, especially as
they intermarry—other marriages be
ing strictly prohibited.—Port Chester
Journal. .
.A - CONSCIENTIOUS POSTMASTER.-
A postmaster under Buchanan, find
ing by his "instructions" that he was
to report quarterly, addressed the
following official communication to
the President : -
"July 9,lBs7.—Mr.James Buchan
an, President of the United States—
Dear Sir: Been required by the in
structions of the Post Office to re-,
port quarterly, .I know herewith fool
fil that pleasin duty by reportin as
follows : The harvestin has been go
in on peerty, and most of the-nabors
have got their, cuttin dun. Wheat is
hardly an average crop; on rolen
land corn is yalerish, and wont turn
out more than ten or fifteen bushels
to the aker. , The health of the cora;
munity is only tolerable, and cholery
has broke out about-2 and one half
miles fronr, hefe. There is :a power
ful awakening on the subject of reli
gion. in the falls , naborhood, and
many soils are bein made to know
their sins, forgiven. Miss Nancy
Smith, a nere nabor, had twins day
before yesterday.. One of thein' is
supposed to be a sieven monther, a
poor. scraggy thin*, and wont live
half its - day. This is shout awl I
have to report the present quarter:
Give my respects to Mrs. Buchanan,
and subscribe ,myself yours truly,.
"—,P. M. at —,Fulton Co., Ill."
—Harper's Magazine.
WORTII RrmEmnsario.—Sirlienry
Maine says that the most imperturb
able of llindoo liars may be detectec
by_the twitching Of their toes. Dr.
Sarmiento says : " Whenever a Gau
cho tells you anything look at . his
feet; ! if he moves them he is tellirg
you a. lie. • This was first , observed by
Paean+) Quiroga, the most accurate
observer of Gaucho habits." -
Olten get a maLupon the rails of doubt
1 1= eae.haw,him onas ap far.y.m
loxwir is round and will roll away; but
education, once required, never escapes
118.
VERY amiable and good-natured are
those people who can have their own way
in etrerything,
°nu chief want in life is somebody who
.shall make ui do what -- we can. This
tie IlertiClP of a friend., "
- ' I NUMBER 21
Taking Care olihn:Hisc'
Thdiewho thlnklisrness mods no
care taken of It are very muck all.
taken. Harness taken from a horse
and thrown in a corner, or hung up
with no cleaning soon decays and
becomes useless. A harness that has
been upon a horse's back for several "
hours in - hot. or rainy weather be.
comes wet; if not properly cleaned,
the damage - to' the leather is irritable. -
If, after being taken from the horse
in this condition, it is - hung up in a
careless manner, traces and reins
twisted into , knots, and the- saddle
and bridle hung askew, the leather
when dried retains the shape given it
while wet, and when forced to its
original fcrm depute is done the -
stitching and the leather. The first
point to be observed into keep the
leather soft and pliable. - This can be
done only by keeping it well charged
with oil and grease; water is a des
troyer of these, but mad and saline
moisture from the animal are even
More destructive. Mud, in drying,
absorbs the grease and opens the
pores of the leather, making iti prey
to water, while the salty character of
thil4erspiration from the animal in
jures the leather, stitching and mount
ings. It ;therefore follows that, to
preserve a harness,, the strap should—.
be washed and oiled whenever it hall
been moistened by sweat or soiled , by
mud. If" a haniess -is thoroughly. :
cleaned twice a year, and 'when un-_
duly exposed treated as we have
rocommended, the leather will retain
its softness and strength for many
years.
IN A Huaar.—A-fend has existed
for years between the Curtis and Da
vis families, who live in the same
neighborhood, near Maquoketa lowa.
But as there was a Juliet in the Da
vies family, so there was it Romeo in
the house of Curtis. R,omto, or Ben,-
and Juliet, or in matter- of fact Ma
tilda, met at church clandestinely,
went: sleighing together on moonlight
nights and last winter eloped. Ar
rived at Dubuque, bound West in
search of a new world, the lovers
were overtaken by the girl% father,
who forcibly took his daughter back
to Maquoketa. Fair Matilda was
kept a prisoner in her father's house
until last Tuesday, upon which day
she attained her majority.. In the
middle -of the morning, she saw a
chance Co escape and ran bonnetless -
to the woods, through' whiCh she
made her way toward the Curtis farm -
house, several miles distant. Her - -
gown was torn by .briers, and she
was forced to take off her shoes to
wade through streams, but she push
ed on and found her lover at work in
a field about one . - o'clock. Young
Curtis sent his younger brother for
Justice - R. W. Henry, at Maquoketa,
and when the latter arrived the bride
and groom were sitting on a fallen
oak in a roadside grove. Judge Hen
ry began to twit the young people
upon their romantic=- surroundings,
when the bride exclaimed : " Hurry
up, 'Squire ; father's coming!" "Rush
it, Judge!" shouted the groom. Jus
tice Henry looked up the road and,
saw the bride's father coming down
upon the party, at a furious speed.
The old man was rolling along like a
summer evening thUnder4torm and
Justice-Henry hurriedly placed .the
lovers under the umbrella of matri
mony, "uniting them," as the local
paper says, "in as few words as the
law allows."—Chicage Times.
A QUICK ANn THOROUGH CURR ! ----
A man in, Scotland had for years
been afflie l ted with some cutaneous
disease that almost rendered life a
burden to him. He had tried doefors
and patent nostrums until he • was
sick of them; and had bowed the
inevitable old woman with her roots
and "yarbs" to torture.him almost'
into idiocy. One of the latter, how.
ever, stuck to the case until she got
the upper hand of it. She told him
of a man who told- her husband that
he knew-of a woman who heard .her
mother say that in her younger days
it was generAlly known that by satn.
rating the body with petroleum and
standing by a bon-fire until the oil
was well dried in, any disease to
which the cuticle 19" heir could be
effectually cured. The poor fellow
tried it and was cured. When tl)e
experiment wan completed there was
nothing left of. him - but a few steel
pantaloon buttons and an unpleasant
aroma in the air, - but the disease was
knocked higher than _Mr..Oilderoy's
balloon.—Detroit Free Press.
!- Fun, Fact and Fctcetitc.
IT is a sad thing to see _many walk 'in
the dark themselves, who carry a lantern
for others. .
LEARN to double your kindness to thoee
who would be missed if their places were
vacant.
THERE IVO Om for whom money does
everything, except to make -honorible
men of them.
A WISE man makes trouble less by for-7
titudo ; but to a fool it becomes heavier
by stooping toit.
WE ale going ,to Arkansas to ;start it
paper, calling it "Quinine and Whisky."
Everybody will take it.=~lloderi Argo.
"Iv you grasp a rattlesnake firmly
about the neck, tie cannot hart yon,"
says a Western Paper. Keeping about a
block ahead of the snake is also a good
wheme.-Chiadsro Tribune.
" WHY dost thou soar, my love ?" sings
Celia Thaxter in an exc hange. Probably
it is because ho haebeen trying to Mount
the fiery, untamed bicycle, Celia. It will
make auy man sore.—Rockland ecurier.
THE Vacation : &Limner k that varm
of the year in which a man carries his
rockets full of railroad maps and summer
resort prospectuses-for a week, and th en
decides to go where r did last year.—
Lowell Citizen.
" WHAT are your politics ?" the chap
lain of the lowa penitentiary asked of an
intelligent looking convkt. "I have not
come out for anybody yet," replied the
convict, gazing-placidly through the bars.
—Detroit Free Press.,
PROFESSOR BELL claims that be has
succeeded in inventing .a machine that
will." locate a bullet in the human body."
lie needn't think that's anything new.
Almost every man in Denver totes such
an instrument.—BotatonTost.
KING KALAKAUA'S army consists exact
ly of sixty men. Well, if that is the case,
we don't wonder at his wanting to sell
his kingdom. He might trade his army
fot our navy, then swap the. navy for a
dog, shoot the canine and finally die hay,-
py.-oii City Derr:ek.
; Six Nevada widows, each worth over
'5300,000, have formed a compact and sot:-
emulf agreed to take nJ men but editors
for second husbands. Gentlemen, even
in the darkest hour we have stuck to it
that things would workout all right_ hi
the end.—Detroit Free Press.
Tng East India Prince of Gondal is on
the eve of matrimony. He is to lead sev
en happy maidens to the altar at once.
The troubled life of-the East India prince
has its compensations. Just think of it !
Eight souls with but a single thought,
eight hearts that. beat as one t--Boston
Transcript.
AN extract from the letter of. a recent
emigrant : "I'm mulling on de roads
here at Saratoga, but I don't indrd to do
it long. Shore Mike Mulhooley, wholeft
home three years ago come nixt Alder,
has a rich young•lady to drive him around
the city wid a beautifuispin, and be sit.
ting up %Attila - melds arm folded loike
OWN= entirely."—Bestels Cowrie. -
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