DRIFTWOOD. ♦ ♦i!.'B DIUXIIII4, When Graeral Shansi° irrived is Ao• burn tut Tiosiday, to attend General Em ory Upton's Iciness% he was located by an old veteran, wbo stepped up to the General and extended his band saying : "Let me shake hands with you, General. I was with . you in the Shenandoah." "Yes,'.' said the General, "that's all right, buCI wasn't there." 'The veteran sided and slid out of sight as fast as pos sible.—Cincinnati Gazette. - A DOVLLZ FxrzinuccE. "A‘hall I wad you a pretty story, FJ. tie?" " Hu it got a moral in it?" " ys, darling." "Th. n, klumsey, I'd rather not. A story w ith a moral is like jam with .a powder in it r—Punch. • '4. - CHEEK VI. CHEEK. Dickens used to tell inimitably a story about Carlyle, the scene occurring at a dinner held at Proctor's:where were pres ent, among others, Carlyle and the well known editor of a review. The editor had enumerated some weighty opinion on the subject under discussion—as Dick ens used to say, "treating in the usual Review manner, wrapping it up in a small parcel and laying it by on a shelf asAlone forever "—and a dead silence en sued. " This silence was to the astonish ment of all broken by Carlyle, who, seat ed immediately opposite the editor, look ing at him in a dreamy - way, said, as though to hiinvelf, but in audible tones : " Eh, but you're a pair creetur; a puir, watched, meeserable creetur !" and then, with a sigh, relapsed into silence.—Car • t • iyle's Reminiscenee*. I.FAS Alill LYRICS. A charming story concerning the Poet Laureate comes from the Isle of Wight. A popular dancing master there who bad tatat„the youngTeppysons was 4.e day cross* to the mainland in the saute boat with their mother. Afteif a little talk, during which-the Professiii dismally re ferred to the success of - Mr. Tenny-son's poems, this true artist mournfully shook his head for a space and - it last uttered his sad tbonght : "All, Madam," said he to the wondering Mrs. Tennyson, he may be a very fine poet, butoi- grieve to say that any one with an eye can see that his deportment was shamefully neglected in his youth !" TOO Mtrerf REMORSE. There had been a feud of long standing between two Galveston darkies. They were continually fighting and quarrelling. Not long since one of them died, and to the astonishment of. the colored • popula tion the other on'e attended the funeral. After the funeral services were over the Rev. Aminidab Bledso, of the Blue Light Colored Tatornacle, met the surviving enemy, and said, impressively : "I was much pleased to see yer at de obsequies ob yore ole enemy. It does credit to de goldnese ob yore heart. 'Hit shows dat yer dou't carry yore presenti ments beyond de gfave. Eberybody ii praisite yer for yore goodneass."- "1 dunno know, about dat ar.! I had to lose half a day's work attendin' dat ar fu neral, and do *MG a says Sienese fist and pleasure afterward,' and I toolOie pleas ure fust and did my work aftaiward. reckon I ought. to be ashamed of myself." - - flalveston News. ONE TOUCH OF A burglar entered a house is which a mother,was sitting up with a sick child. "Sir," she said to him in a whisper, as soon as she could ccfmpose ~herself to speak, "there is noshing of, value in this house except that child's life, at least to me, but you may find otherwise. Here, take my keys, scaich everywhere, take take what you want, but speedily and without moise, I implore you." She hand ed him the keys, placed her Seger on her lip'and pointed to the door. The burgler moved quietly away, 'then .turned and said in a low voice : "Is be vet" , sick ?" " His life hangs on the continuance of this sleep." "Then he'wili'recover for all the noise make,"'the robber answered, laying down the keys and noiselessly tak ing his departurei but absolutely \ Aothieg else. 3/ QUIET APPRECIATION; A quiet man was travelling - a Short tinukago by rail, and was annoyed by the noise which two or three men in the same car - wire making. One of th;im had been telling tremendous stories about himself; in a loud voice, and , had tried once or twice to draw out tbequiet man,' brit in vain. At last be turned toliim and said, r.ther offensively.: "I fear, sir, that your noise has rater inconvenienced you." "Not in the least," be replied. "I ,thought," remarked the noisy man," that You aid not l secm m t. rested by my sto ries." "Quite tile reverie, my dear'air," replied the quiet one. "I am very much so, lam a hit.of a liar myself." - RED AS A ROBE IS SUE. Several gentleman were standidion the _corner of Galveston avenue when one of the most fashionable ladies passed on the sidewalk. "Ah :" exclaimed one of the gentlemen, - 4 ' what Complexion There is nothint to beat itlin Galveston. • I am proud of that wornaii, I am." "11th you her-husband?" asked a stranger. "Na, sir." "Her fatl!er, then?" "No. sir; I am no relation of her, but I. am proud of her complexion. lam the druggist that sold It to her. I made it myself."--Gal onion News. -TAR STRANGER'S APOLOGY. He was an entire strang* to the, girl's present., and the boys were mean and would not; introduce him. He finally plucked up courage, And, stepping up to a lady, requested the pleasure of her com pany for the next dance. She looked at him in surprise, and informed him that she had not the pleasure of his acquaintance. " Wall," remarked he, " you don't take any more chances than I do."—A C'gn nectieut Idyl, TILE MAID AND TRM MASTER& Fair Intense One Have you seen the Old Muter, at: Burlington House?" Bashful Youth (fresh from Marlborough, and better at cricket and foot-ball thin aesthetic conversation)—"No—that mean, yep ! " . Fair Intense One—" Are they not really too Too—!"—Punch. A PARTY of men, consisting of Henry Seller and others, cut down a large ash tree. Itmnsde two saw4ogs, each four teen feet long. The kip are now In the Walker Mill yard, %Wont/Line, Ohio. On top of these, - tbilly feet from the ground, imbedded in the timber and looking, from the-rings around it, as if it hadbeen there for ages, ass found the thigtstione of an adult human being, presumably a man's. , Let it be bnme.in mind that this bone welkin a solid-log, though too short for a saw-log; that the timber all around Writs green ; no 'knotholes or t\ td wood. Howdid it get there' WhaSdiseovered one of the men struck into It with the bit of an axe. The axe broke and the piece is still dimly imbedded in the hope. As a tide the Sower of the family does akolldeg teamed praddhl the daily am& ebkd. 0330 1 . 4. 0.* -4,4•':,, ran ria-nriat acnt . e s p ARE. The ate tooliabits,like Indio% Itdenst tnereasettk ie . rety dia. teagng, at t, as if yttruorms imam In about ieetein: the y• rt. valeparbtare somettmes Meted: If allowed to estia mit= regatta may follow._°Dr. Ws AU- Obstuad" Is a.. -nt, sure ho kw Tetter, Itch. Salt filet= Smld D“tielse, •baa' Itch, Bloteheoll Scaly, Crotty, tineo Eruptions. Sent for 50 cents, in keent data $olt; three boxes for M. 25. Addms, Da. Swaunwit. . SSO North Sixth Street. Phila. 4elphisi, Pa. Sold by all entervicing drualsta. IF. YOU FEEL. DROWSY. DE- Hutted, halm frequent headache, month tastes Lady, poor appetite and tungne 'coated,}on are coffering from tot pid liver, or biliousness." and nothing wIR cure you en speedily rnd pertiii.nelltly as to tote Simmons Liver Regulator or *calcine, The Cheapest. Purest sad Rest Family 31ed1 else In the World . An Zifeetnal tspxcilh for all dfissisas of thl Liver, Otomach artt Regulate the Llierani orevent ChM arid Voters. Ma. 'aril. l / 3 Fevers, Bowe; Complatitta,.. Restleas item. Jantnlice am' Nausea.: - BAD HEALTH Nothing is so unpleas-ant, nothing so uncommo as bad lacith. and In nearly every case it comes from the stomach. and can be so easily corrected If You tako Simmons Liver Regulator, IM not neglect ao sure a remedy for this repalslve disor der. ItEwill also Improve your Appetite, Complex ion, and General Health. PILES Row - many suffer torture day after-play,.fictklng life a burden and rubbing existence of all Memel re, owing to the seeret suffering from Piles. Yet rellet Is ready to the baud of almost anyone who wiil-use systematically the remedy that has permanently cured thousands, $11111111111:4 Liver Regulator Is no , rrastlc violent ru•ge, but a gentle 3,2.lst:thee to. nature.: CONSTIPATION Stkohl not be "regariled as a Main. , an. = reghlartly of the bowete, :•nd any clevlath.hi 'front thl* atentand paves the way often to ierhus danger. It is quite ae hcressacy to ` remove Impure. accumulations from the bmsr.ls as It Is to eat oi sleep, awl i health _ caw. be expected where' a costive habit. of 1,04 prevails. - SICK HEADACHE This distressing:lnaction occurs most trcqncid ty. The dliturbauce of the stomach. arising fruni the Itnperteetly digested content,. cues a severe_paln In the nesul,accbmpanietl With disagreeable 1111115133, and ads constitutes what Is popularly known ati Sick 11-lada,..he. 01IMIN AL AND ONLY GENUlNE'inquil'ac turgid by J. n. ZEMIN_ at CO, Ca gold by all Druggist. twiy 70. MRS. LYDIA E. PINKHAM. D/SCOV OMR OP LYDIA E. PIN VEGETABLE COMPOttND. The Positive Cure For all Female Complaints. 'lbis preparation, as Its name eternities. consi.ts of Vegetable Properties that are harml,..4 to th‘, ino4 irate Ppon one trial the merits of this Cron pound will be reecr,rnized, a.,14•11ef is immediate; and , *lien It:semis continued, In ninety-nine cases in a hitn. &eke, permanent ?re eCreetr,d,aF t:l4 , u,and.i will it* Vitt: On acmtuil of its pro - Ferrmerits, it to-day re teematsended and prestrjhed by the best physicial..- tbelicantry. • lep r in mire - entirely !the sromt form of falflng of th i ei• ta.V. Jun, Leucorrlinni, irregular and rainful Yenstretation,a/lOrarlantnualk . s, inflammat ion and floodings, all DL' lacements and,t?-.( - con gitteent Spinel weakness; and la esprejelly rdaptod to the champ of Life. ltwuldissolve and expel tumors ilromtbe uterus in an early stage; c;tderelopment. The Ilendiesey to cancerous It gbersthere Ls eheeked very epecibly by its use. • • tact It. t 111 r, prraf eat i d bracrertray i•ver licerr ed. nyo.nuenleg every plrtioa th,., 7 ,1 4 ,j,,,, pewilfeandvig-ur. It rt.n,g drafrallcravine for attmulautA,“:l,lllAkVe4 WPair-leSl olf the stomach it ;cures ttoating., erron. T'rr ,,,, trotton, Getiers.l Debtltsy, ne, Pr; or .1 Itna 11 4 % 110 r 4 Th 2 t.te , ling or I,ca: :apt n, causing rain, weight and I.4harlic,!...ottray.,i,:•nrntt y y Its uso. ult t ct.:cum.statt too, act In harionny 1":1:11: - .1.. I that 1.-, , ,verns tho fetr...‘to system. :•Coro: - .1:1:;!4 l't et,1:;4,31t1 b ttnfflurpa,s,ell. tydfa`E. Pinkliani's Compound hpripared 1'71".1,•1111,,,Lynn, ,1` L ' •:11: lonia?f.nfe ..f on - roert:i Of Titive, teß,: z lier f..; r. 1.1 frt.•ty an. , a - ers I. Frr..t Aa 7.77/ A,14.1rce.5 la' pa_ NoleUxillY %Lot:NI , L'."1 1 1.1 L UV= 1.1:v 7 Cl:re (' ,. n - 1:111tiOrl - , - t;s• - ,Ap' •od2ornidity. of the t.ir. r. ats;:cr • 11...1, DOW 3 VEGETABLE BALSA MIC Et ER Is s sure cure for Coighs, Colds, Whooping• Cough; a nd i all. Lung Diseases, when taken in season. People die of consumption simp. ly because of negleg#, when the timely use of_ this rOnedyrould have Cured them'at once. - - 1,-one years of eon stankuse proves the fact that no cough remedy has stood the test like Downs' .E/lixdri, .lrla 36c. Mr- and 11.00 per botilib. Tor 84e'St r) who Dr. Baxter's Mandrake AB T WiU cure Jaundice, Dyspepsia, Liver Complaints, Indigestion, and all diseases arising from Bit. liminess. Price 25 cts. per bottle. Tor Sate Evrryatere. all.ll.lllllol.Micomincu lUDIRY JOHNSON'S ARNICA AND OIL s . LINIMENT :p.m., and Beast. The most perfect liniment ever compounded. Price 25c. and sac. Foe Sale fitartbare. GET YOUR HAIR CUT . AND HAVING, AT TDB Ward. House SHAVING PARLOR. • airWe 'study to please. . V. - ST ELME, ProPr Towanda Pa, July IS, ift79. LIST OF LEGAL BLANKS • Printed and kept on sale at the RKPORTLIC OF rici, st wholesale or retail. • . , • Deed. ' Mortgage. Bond. , . . Treasurer's Bond. - Collector's Bond. • Lease: • Complaint. -Commitments. Warrant. - Constable's Return. - Articles of A greement."2:forms. Bond on attachment - Constablebibales. Collectors Bates. - . Execution. , ..• Petition for License. gribptetia. 2 = Bond for License, Notaandgement. watasaihromont goal. EVISED NEW TESTAMENT.' ty ....Aerthortzed Version., "Rh the ;Amt. ins. TORY added. Arndt wanted. Geed pay. sent 6 e. tar wilt. A. GORTON it CO" Pub r' lishe, It I. fifth strest,Phttadelphis. • VW ithatittaests. A 'SUMMER 7. • 1881 1181 'll3Bl 41t. CLOTHING lIOUSE (Ai M. E Rosenfield Towanda, you will find The nest Goods Theatest Styles The LQWCSt Pl'iCeti ~w ~ IMMENSE STOCK, embra6es a the latest styles, in great variety; of READY-MADE CLOTHING For!Sim's, Youth's and ‘.tior!i wear, tone the finest and• heaviest ileitis tor the cheapest and lightest grades tor the Sollllllerirad e. . .. GENTS FURNISHING.GDODS . • , This department is complete; having `a fall lino of Hosiery,. Collars rOtzt Cuffs, Nock wear, Handkerchiefs, Itoady-tnatle titilris, Summer Uu. 4 erwear, S.: e. IIAtS AND CAPS . A very large stock of the ntrovest Styles in er”ry quality." USlUREit;fiti, TRAVEL" PO; ItilthlcEtc. _ . _ • REMEMBER--That you can gave money by pu reia,silig at the old-established dotb ing House otl - • M. E. ROSENFIEtD. Towanda, May 19, iSst GHILDREY.S I, CARRIAGES! C. P. WtiaLlisSl Crockery and 96-Cent—Store Oilers a largo asiortmout of Children's Carriages .17 TILE LOWEST PRICES. Willow Carriages without spriugg, *2.50. BOY'S EXPRESS WAGONS Sur own Manufacture of Oil-Cent Wagons _are the best made for the price painted Lox, iron braced. Do ~ not buy the . inferior kinds , . • • before seeing them. Iron Axle Wagons 6trong and wry durable,. $1.50 to $4.50 PICTURE' S dND TR A VEL niu RAGS, Corriplitte stock - CROCKERY, GLSSitrifßE r CUTLERY, JAPANNED WARE Eht, - Ett - . -- • Please call awl ex - amine. Apr.2B. Nartitl6. NEAT YUR f FETir E. D. RUNDiLL., •Would respect( ully announce that he is continuing the Market business at I ho.old stand of 34 ullock Itundell, and will at all times kee °,l p a full supply of • FRESH OYSTERS Constantly on , hand. -Conntry dealers supplied a city rates. FRESH & SALT MEATS, OARDEN VEGETABLES, FRUITS AtC. air All Goods delivered Free of Charge. . , E, D. itUNDELL Towanda, ra. N0v:27,1131T. • -ITNIAT,SIARKETI C: Y E Located In r-1 1 TApLEMA!!;'S BLOCH, pRIDGE STJJEET, Keeptiaand, C FRESH _ANTr' SALT' MEATS, DRIED BEEF, _FISH, POULTRY VEGETABLES. AND BEILBIEB IN THEIR SEASON, &c Sir All goods delivered free Otehirire. C. M. DIVER Pic4 Mar 14. 11411 -Nusittess garbs. 1 --1, --------- . ' • • 4 1 A1t111. POR SALE.—A farm of 118 aeres, located about ono mile from . - nt ley Creelt;- lf, acres of good timber, the rest cl *red For par, leulartkenquire on the premises or tress .W. H. E address - May 4-e6. Phillipsville, Erie Co., a. S USQUEHANNA dOLLEOTATE IN= szt.T i'rn• Pit I ICCi TERI( commences mos.DA.v. Amur. 4th. last._Expenses - for board, tuition and furnished too from .172. to 4160 per year. For catalogue or further particu lars :ufdress the Principal. EDWIS E. QVISLAN.IA. H. Towat.da. October :a. 1550. , EMI CHANGED HIS. MIND OTTAMSON, THE UPHOLSTERER, •- - • Thought oj advertising with.ns, but bust:testi has plekedlWso since. the -Holidays, that he, changed. his mind about advertising. All that he wanted to say, was that if any one should send tOr him to repair, or mate new • EASY CHAIRS, SOFAS, DIVANS, RECEPTION :CHAIRS, CHURCH CHAIRS OR CUSHIONS, LOUNGES. MATTRESSES, PLATFORM _ROCKERS, SLIP COVERS, SOFA • • PILLOWS;;Y . OOT RESTS, , • ; or UN* FfICE, MAST, DIAMOND kLASTIC SPRING REDS • • . . (That are mule to lit• any bed), cc anytbleig In bb flue. they can depend upon getting just Isbatiney want, and that Arst-elass, and charges reasonable. Iloplag to bear from yea mmtk, I remain S oursY Truly. J. OTTA.RSON, iliduilsterer, South Side Bridge Street, Towanda, _ Pa., over Myrt Doe ' s Market. Tovratßia, Jamiary farh, ISft taio . MN!==i LE li 141 41'yiaL !Y . PENN.* NEW YORK RAILROADS Atrange a" . ftt of Museum Intim to tilts sant MAY 15, osi. . i.Ik7WIEDt 153 9 1 T .tos 7 .... 5018 2:..:. 5 15,1050 6 80 , 1130 15411511. 1• t Its 6 100104 .... 90t11050, .. 910;1 15 1 900 9 45 . 2 10' 9 40 1010 1 2 ap!ltt 10 162 34 10 05 10112 6010 431 st • tal . it ao' i II 44 a 51 11 49: • 1163; ....I4 10 1210' ;12181 1223 4 25 104 1 • 110 21! 1055 10 144 1 35'5 25 220; 3 15;7 30 440, 4 41 1 8 211 6 531 5 00 1 ,8 asi 6 05: 5 30'9 COI 6 101 6 5511035 8 251 8 05 1 : .1 9 15! A.11.1C":111,1•31.. EITATIO*e ? ' r.x. 7 ibi 9201 „ . ;Mir