.
MUM. 010 - PV ELICATION.
The BRADFORD RETORTER / published every
Thursday morning' by BOODRICII & HITOUCOCR,
One Dollar per annum, In advance.
di...Advertising in ,all cases exclusive of sub..
Seription tattle paper: t
SPECIAL NOTlCESinserted at TEN CENTS per
line for first insertion , and rms. c ears paellas for
each subsequent insertion, but no notice inserted
for leas thin Nifty cents.
YEARLY ADVERTISEMENTS will be Insert
ed at reasonable rates.
Administrator's and Executory? Notices, 112;
Auditor's tiotlces,f2.so ; Business Cards, Ave lines,
(per year) 0, additional lines each.
Yearly advertisers are entitled to quarterly
changes. TranMent advertisementsMuet he paid
for to advance.
All resolutions of associations; communipatlons
of limited or Individual. interest, and notfces of
Marriages or deaths. exceed ing dve lineeare charg
ed FIVE CENTS per line; but simplenotlces of mar
riages and de sths will be published without charge.
'^he REPORTER having a larger circulationthan
any other papef in the county, Makes it the belt
advertising medium in Northerill'ennsylvania. •
JOB PRINTING . of every kind. In plain and
fancy colors, done with neatness-and dispatch.
fiandbllls, Blanks, Eartli, Pamphlets, Billheads
Statements, &c., of every variety and style, printed
at the shortest notice. ',The REPORTER once Is
well supplied with power -pretties, a good assort
ment of new type. and everything In tht printing
line-can be executed in the most artistic manner
and at the loweit rates.. TERMS INVARIABLY
CASH.
.gausiness garbs.
ADILL & KINNEY,
M
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW. • •
Office—Rooms formerly occupied by Y. C. A
Reading Room.
L. 4. 3,18,80 0. A. KIXNEY
ALLIS- E. J. PERRIGO,
TEACIIED Or 'VIAND AND ODGAN.
Lessons given In Thorough Hans and Harmony
ultivat ion of the voice a 'tpecialty. Located at A
,Mutii St. Reference :• Holmes Jk Passage
owauda, March 4, 1430.
JOHN W. CODDING,
ATTOTLNEV-AT-LAW, TOWANDA, PA
Office ovar lii,Tor's Drug Store
pIIOMAB E. IkIYER
ATTOUNEY-AT-LAW, ~s 1"
TOWANDA, PA
Office wlth Patrick :Intl *Foyle
pEcK Ar, OVERTON
ATTotixtys 7 AT-LAW,
TOWANDA, rA.
D'A.IIvERTov;
II,OI)NEY A. NIEROUR,
.ATT.;nvEy
ToWAND.A„pA.,
Solicitor of Patents. Pat - Ocular attention paid
to 14.111,, in the Orphaus Court and to the settle
mew: of estates. -
' @dire iu Mont'anye,, Mock ?tiay 1,'79.
OVERTON & SANDERSON,
ATMRNEY-AT-LAW,
TOWANDA, I'A.
JOHN F. SAwur.nsoN
E. (WF:itTbNo.I
jar • IL JESSUP,
ATTOUNEV AND roUNSF.LLOII.-AT-LAW,
*MONTROSIt t ., PA.:
Judge Jessup having resumed the practice of the
law In Northern Pennsylvania,ltwlll attend to any
legal Inedness intreisted to him In Bradford county.
Persons n'ishing to consult Wm, call call on 11.
t ree ter, ESq.. Towanda, Pa., will nan appointment
can he male-.
=E=Mia
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR-AT-LAW,
TOWANDA, rA
TT . L. TOWER, M. D.,
11
noM EOPATIIIC PlirSIC I AS AND STTRC;F,ON
vin_ Residence and Oli just North of Dr. eor
hi it's, on t4lain Street,lA therm Pa. 10n2646nt„
NMI
ATToIiNES-AT-LAW,
TOW A N DA, PA. roovll-75
F. GOFF, .
a A.
ATTOUN AW,
WICALITSING'; PA.
rkzeney for the tale and purcha s e of all kinds of
SyetirllieS and- for nod. iog lah on Rear Estate.
Afl business will receive careful and prompt
stlentlen. (June 4. 1879,
G N I , , A ATTORNEYI%.attendill
to all butattess entrusted to Ids care In Bradford,
Su:llwatt and Wyoming Ceuntice. Office with Esq.
Porter.
•
E.II3ULL,
NlC [ lt E YOB.
i:N i r; sEtAttNG, s NG AND DVAiTING•
ilpice with G. F.Ma4on, over Pauli & Thiry.
3lalb street, Towanda, r t l. 4
11. ANGLE, I). D. S.
Jo
QPEItATIVE AND 3IECIIANICAL DENTIST
oftce on State Street, second floor of Dr. Pratt
Ilee. apt a 79.
VLSBBEE & SON,
_A
ATTOUNEYS-AT-LAW,
TOWANDA, PA.
N. C. EtsisnEE
4 . 31?I'ITERSON,
- ATTORNET-AT-LAW,
• 4 ToWANDA, t'A.
1 ,
lit er.4try .14 rill. C.,.
TORN A 7. MIX, . •
e/
12===
TOWANDA, PA.
Oftlee=Norli Side Public square
SAM W. BUCK;
4.77`017 NE T-AT-L A W.
TO WA .NDA, PEN.VA
°airs—South side Poplar Street. opposite Want
Noose. [Nov. la, 1579.
iVfES CAIINOCHAN,
ATT„pIIN LYS-AT-LAW,
SOrTiLSIDE OF WAED HOUSE
Dec 23-75
ANDREW WILT,
ATTonNEY-AT-LAW.
t.ll 4 .—m e ans. Itn,,k, fanpst., over .1. L. Kent's
hn,r, lowanda. May be ronsulted In German.
[Aprlll2.'76.]
lAT .
J. YOUNG,
/CrronN EY-AT-(2AW,
TOWANDA, PA.
d••or south of the First Natlonal
hank Main St., up stairs.
WM. MAXWELL,
A TTI.R N Eti-AT4, AR
TOW X.:CPA, VA.
°flier over Dayton's Store
April 12. 1876
pit. s. M. WOODBUItN, Physi
ctin an d sir ellll re
Office at sidence, on
c
, treM, Ea:t Nlalli.
..Tow.ti,ta, May I, 1072 ly•
. ~„;
otiT
W .
0 .11 ;
r.F.E U. i. I . , 1 1 ,
) 11 ,,e •
T ,
nel E r.T l , S .. T . .— d y r fl a ice
Teeth iuserted ou gold, Silver, Rubber, and A 1 -
LIIIIIIIIIIIi: base. Teeth extracted without pain.
let. 34-t-,2.
DD Pll - CF M
. - 4 'l • •
AN AND SURGEON
thaee over Mmitaticel.' store. Ocoee hours from.lo
In
!2 A. M. And from 2 to 4 Y. 1.
Special attentiou given to
(DISEASES? DISF.ASES
-I or
THE EYE and or
f THE E
(1. W. RYAN;
l_A •
- COUNTY St VERINTENDE
Ince day last - Satnrday of each mobt.h, over Turner
at Gordon's Drug Store', Towanda, Pa.
Towanda, June 2n, 1,57,i.
G S. RUSSELL'S
GENERAL
, INS R - AN C E AGENCY
May2B-70tt
FIRST -NATIONAL BANS,
TOWANDA, PA.
C kPITA I. PAID!IN
El:urr.us I
This Bank offeks unusual facilitt e a for the trams
action of a gen6rni banking husinea%
N. N. BETTS, Cashier
Jos. rowELp, President
MRS. 11. PEET,
TEACHER OF PIANO MUSIC,
•
TElti(B.-410 parterre.
(Resldencc•Thlrd street, Ist ward.)
Tuwanda,Jsu. .
c il v ET YOUR
rt JOB PRINTING
Ague
st tho REVCJIITEE OFFICE, 01,Pcmita tho
Court llonee , l' , ..wauda. Colore4 work a specialty
•
COODRICH & HITCHCOCK. Publ'shorts.
VOLUME XL.
V3usiness §arbs.
V . 11. DORMAUL,
E.
32 East Water St., Elmira, N.Y.
. , Ist Floor - ORT
,fti OOHS
Ltd Floor t111,11.1:114ERY
ad Floor , CARPETS
4th Floor CLOAKS k SHAWLS
Upper floors accessible by elevator. •
//fir A visit of Inspection is respectfully solicited
EDWARD WILLIAMS,
PRACTICAL PLUMBER & GAS FITTER
Place of buBlnear, a few doo.tlnorth of Post-Othce
Plumbing, "as Fitting; itepal ring. Pumps of all
kinds, and all kinds of liearing promptly attended
to. All wanting work In Me hue should give him
a rail. Dec. 4:1879.
I NSURANCE!
C. S. RUSSELL, Agent,
5ep.25,10
FIRE, LIFE, AND ACCIDENT
BENJ. M. BECK
iisued on the most reasonable terms
None but reliable companies represented
Towanda, Nov. 19, 1879
HENRY MERCUR,
IM=l
CORNER PARK AND RIVER STREETS, TOWANDA,
Cnal screened, and delivered - to any parror the
Itnrmagn. ALL ORDEBS MUST BE ACCOMPANIED
BY THE CASH. It. MERCUIt,.
Towanda, Dec. 1, 1871
DEERE
THE OLD MARBLE YARD
STILL I\ OPERATION.
The undersizned having purchased the MAR
BLE YAM/ of the late ILIEI /IMF. McCABE,
de
sires to Inform the piddle that having employed
experienced men. he Is'prepared to (Wall kinds of
work In the line of
MONUMENTS,
•
II EA D STONES,
• MANTLES and
SHELVES,
In the very best manner and at lowest rates.
;Persons desiring anything In the Marble line are
Invited to call and examine work, and save agents'
ciumulsslon.
• JAMES McCABE.
- Towanda, Pa., Nov. IL 1674. :{lf
a►lV NIARKET,
71. D. RUNDELL,
Would respectfully announce that he Is contlnultm
the Market business at the old stand of Mulluek.&
Itunden. and will ,:st stl vines kerp a full supply of
FRES 11.
13E=
Constantly on hand. Country dealers supplied at
city rates.
[fehA'7B
& SALT MEATS,
GARDEN VEGETABLES,
Jan. 1,1875
Sir All Goodn delivered Free of Charge
E. D. RUNDELL
Towanda, Pa. Nov. 27. 1879. '
MEAT MARKET!
TOWANDA, PA
BEIDLEMAN'S BLOCK, BRIDGE STREET,
FRESH AND SALT MEATS,
DRIED BEEF; FISH, POULTRY,
GARDEN VEGETABLES AND BERRIES IN
lAll goode delivered tree of charge
Towanda, I'a., May 28, 1879
EW AR4ANGEMENT
COAL 'BUSINESS.
The undersigned haying purchased from Mr
McKean the COAL YARD
AT THE FOOT OF PINE STREET, NEAR THE
COURT HOUSE,
Invites the patronage of hie old friends and the
public generally. I shall keep a full assortment
' - of all sizes,
PITTSTON, WILK ESHARRE AND LOYAL
&ICE COAL,
AND SHALL SELL AT
LOWEST PRICES FOR CASH
NATHAN TIDD
Towanda, Pa.. Aug. 21., HMS. - I;Y/
E AGLE HOTEL,
(SOUTH SIDE PUBLIC SQUARE.)
Tills well-known house has been thomughly ren
nowated and repaired throughout, and the proprie
tor Is now prepared to offer,erst-claw accommoda
tions to the public., on the most reasonablelerms..
E. A. J EN SINGS.
Tow l anda, Ps., May 2, 1878.
TOWANDA, PA
HENRY HOUSE,
8125,000
68,000
CORNER MAIN & 'WASHINGTON STREETS
Meals M all hours. Terms to snit the times. Large
stable attached.
WM. LI PnOrhtzTon.
Towanda, Jta
Aril 1. 187.9
SEEILEY'S OYSTER BAY AND
EUROPEAN HOUSE: A few doors souther
the Bleibs House ? Board by the day or week on
reasot4le terms. Warm meals served at all hours
Oysterild wholesale aud retail. , feld•f7. •
ApEll HOUSE,
T
Dec.13.1-m I JOHN N. WOLir
TOWANDA, PA
POLICIES
•Losses adjusted and paid here
=I
SULLIV . .kti ANTIIRA6TE
COAL
DYSTERS
FRUITS, &c. _
MYETt & Dr.VOE
=ME
Keep on hand,
THEIR SEASON, &c.
]II ER & EvrXOE.,
1 IN THE
,csoters.
FIRSTWARD, TOWANDA, PA
CAN TON, PENX.4II
DEEM
. HUMILITY
• A,
o 1 learn that It Is only by tke lowly
The paths of peace aro trod ;
If thou would•at keep thy garments while and
Wslk humbly with by God.
The man with earthly wisdom high uplifted,
Is to God's sight a fool;
But he in heavenly truth most deeply gifted,
Sits lowest In Christ's school.
The lowly spirit God bath consecrated
As his abiding rest;
An angel by some patriarch's tent bath walled,
VA L hen kings had no such guest.
The dew that never wets the flinty mountain,
Falls In the valleys fire ;
Bright verdure fringes the small desert fountain,
But barren sand the sea.
Not In the stately oak the fragrance dwelletb,
Which_ charms the general wood,
But In the violet low, whose sweetness telleth
Its unseen neighborhood.
The censer swung by the proud hand 'et . merit,
Fumes with a lire abhorred ;
Bitt two mites, dropped covertly, inherit
A blessing from the Lord.
!found lowliness a gentle radiance hovers,
sweet unconscious grace.
Which, even In shrinking, evermore discovers,
The brightness on its face.
Where, (10 abides. contentment Is an hbnor,
Such gueidon meekness knows: ,
Ills peace within her, and His smile upon her,
her saintly way she goes.
Through the strait gate of life she passes, stoop•
lag,
With sandals on her feet :
And-pure eyed graces, nth linked palms, come
trotping
Their sister fair to greet.
The angels bend their eyes upon her goings,
. And guard her from annoy;
heaven flits her quiet' hearth with overflonings,
Of calm, celestial joy.
The Saviour loves her, for she nears the vesture
•
With whleh he walked on earth ;
And through her child-Ilk° glance, and step and
gesture,
Ire knows her heavenly-birth.
Ile now beholds Ills seal of glory graven
On all whom he red, ems,
And In Ills own bright city, crystal paven,
On every brow It gleams.
The white-robed saints. the' throne Stara singing
under,
Their stale all meekly wear;
Their pauseless praise wells up from hearts which
wonder
That ever they came there.
'IWO "IMMORI'tLI;ES.'-'l'
How differently the prizes of fame
are distributed ! A Leonidas falls
at Therniopyla?, and the world rings
with the deed forever. A Napoleon
ravages half of - Europe, and because
he is n conqueror, is exalted by his
worshippers into a demi-god: On the
other liand,'s - pline sailor or soldier, or
other, obscurelhero in the ranks, dies
at the post ; of duty, in a strait even
more desperate, and yet is never
heard of again.
We were talking of this the other
night, at dinner, when Colonel Mark
ham said :
"Apropos of that I have been to
day to lay a wreathe an the grave of
one of that class. With your per
mission, I will tell the story.
"Charley Reason," he began, had
biTn in my .regiment, and was so
faithful and true that, when the War
was ova, I exerted myself to get
him Work. He was Only a private,
remember ; the son of a poor hill
farmer ; with very little education.
The best I could do-for him was to
get him a position as engineer on the
Sweetwater railroad, to run one of
the locomotives.
" Ile gaVe such satisfaction, be was
always so reliabie, that he soon got
a promised advancement. On this he
determined to marry. He had long
been - eng_aged ,to marry a good girl,
the daughter or a mechanic in our
employ ; but thiey were both poor.
" You see, colonel,' he said to me
one day, when . I met him at the depot
and stopped to ask him how he was
getting on, ' it's a serious thing, this
taking the responsibility ormarrying.
Besides, Nellie is a girl above the
ordinary ; she was finished at the
Normal School; and I should like to
surround • her with some little refine
ments of life, 1. don't want to have
everything coarse and rough about
filet, as a very poor man must, no
matter how much he loves his wife.
That's the reason we've put it off.
But now, thanks to sour good word,
I'm to have a raise. This is my last
trip, as perhaps you know.'
" Ile raised his hand to his heads
in the old military salute. 'You may
feel perfectly safe,' he said, 'for even
if I didn't - know von were on board
I sltould do my duty, no inatter`what
came og it.'
"the words - were spoken aS if of
course, and without any unnecessary
emphasis; but they assumed tin im
portanee subsequently, and (1 can
never forget them. F think I see him
now, looking as he looked when he
uttered them, his figure drawn up to
its full height, his hand at his, cap,
his cheeks slightly flushed, his eyes
gleaming like an eagle's.
" Suddenly the eye softened, and
j a smile stole over his face. Excuse
me, please,' he said ; but there's'
Nettie, God bless lier cotne to see'
nse off! 1 must shaLe hands-Witb
her before we start, and there's just
" It was a bright, sunshiny face,
that of a young woman about twenty,
that I - saw wercome him ;, handsome,
everybody would have Said it was ;
but there was more than 'beauty in it;
there was a look of couiage and high
resolve ; soul and intellect were both
there.
" I could not act a spy on the part
ing, so I turned away and sought a
seat in the cars. •
" I found an old friend on the
train, General Powell, and after we
had run 'labout twenty miles or so,
and discussed business and politics,
I proposed as' They all, know me on
this line,' I said ' and we'll go into
=the baggage-car, where we'll be alone.'
" I exchanged a word or two with
the baggage-master, asking after his
family, as I always did, and then
took a seat near the front of the car,
so as to act the air from the open
door, for till day was sultry, like this
one. The coal and water tank. was
just ahead of us, and beyond that the
locomotive, for we were at the front
of the train. I could see the tall,
soldierly figure of Charley, as he
stood at his post, with his hand on
the rail, and beside him his assistant,
lIMJ
Z, _Prot%
'TOWANDA, -cBRADFORD COUNTY, PL, THURSDAY MORNING, MAT . 13, 1880.
looking like a : Cyclops, begrimed
with dust'and smoke
The Sweetwater road, as you know,
runs through a very picturesque re
gion, -winding for the most part by
the , banks of -the . Sweetwater itself,
frequently terraced along low hills,
with here and there a tunnel . ; .and
what is more to the-point of my sto
ry, innumerable CurVes.. We were
rattling and surging on, when sud
denly I saw,' not . far ahead, a puff of
smoke around a ro cky j curve, and a
directly a ft erwards u express train
came rushing into sight, headed for
us at full speed.
• " The peculiar shriek, which is the
signal for down, brakes,' was insta
ne?:)us from both trains; but I saw at
once that it would_ be useless ; the
volocity of each was so great, the
distance so small, that collision was
inevitable. We were going at the
rate of thirty miles an hour and the
express at the rate of thirty, the two
together making a speed of seventy;
it was only a question of seconds,
therefore, when we should crash into
each other.
"1 started to my feet, not with any
intention of flight, but with a sort of
instinct that, since I was to die, I
would die standing. I have been in:
twenty battles, as you all know; des;
perate ones, most'of. them. I have
had shot and.shell falling about me
literally like rain. 1 have even ,seen
that rare thing, a bayonet charge.
But I never before felt that I was
certain to die, that there was no hope
whatever, as I felt that moment.
" After one quick look at the ap
proaching locomotive that, even in
that single instant, seemed to grow,
from its rapid approach, to twice the
size it had been at first, I glanced to
Charley, anxious to see how be, who
would be the first to be struck, would
take it. I had watched hiin under
fite- more than -once, and knew he
was the bravest of the brave. But
this was different. It was more like
leading a forlorn hope singly, in a
narrow breach, than anything else ;
but it was even worse than that.;
might be.. one chance in ten
thousand there of escape; herc there
was none. I did not expect Charley
to jump froni his engine, as many
would have done. I knew he was
too brave for that. But I did look
for some sign . of emotion, though not
exactly of fear. There was none,
however, except the tightening of
the lips, and the eagle-like look that
came into his eye. llis cheeks never
paled. Not one eyelash quivered:
But that intense gaze did not leave
the other ; locomotive for an instant.
" All this passed in a moment—
quicker, if!' possible, than a lightning
flash. That stern tightening of the
lips, the gleam of the eye, were the
outward indications of the quick,
comprehensive decision he came ter;
for, in one moment, he had reviewed
the whole situation, and ' took in the
single chance there was for escape ;
a chance I did not see, but which lie
dill—escape for the rest of us, how
ever, but not for him. Ile was
dootned in any event.; he realized
that; perhaps we all were; but there
was a possibility of saving the pas
sengers ; and it was his duty to do
that, come what might to himself,
as he had-said.
"Do you understand the excep
tional bravery of this? Napoleon
used to say that very few men had
four o'clock - courage. He meant by
that, that when men were roused
from sleep; suddenly, in the gray
dawb, by a surprise, it took some
time to get their wits about them—
they were - rdazed, they lost their
presence of mind. Now this was
even a more crucial trial. Here was
a train, oft its time, not signaled, un
expectedly coming round a . corner,
not half a mile olf, and, therefore,.at
the rate at which both trains were
goings, with but thirty seconds left,
not merely to determine what to do,
if anything- could be,done, but to do
it.. Nine men out of ten 7 -yes, ninfty- .
nine out of a hundred—would have
lost their presence of mind. Even
most of those who might have re
tained it, Would have sacrificed that
thirty seconds in weighing' the pros
and cons of the situation. But Char
leg not otily kept his nerves firm and
his intellect cool, but reviewed the
state of affairs in a moment, and-de
cided as instantaheously.
"'Jump back, Jim,' he cried, ad
dressing his attendant, but not even
looking around, while his voice rose,
stern and sharp, over the thunder of
the two trains. Uncouple me from
the baggage car. Quick! It's the
only chance!'
"It was the only chance. How
had I not thought of it? If the lo
cOrnotive and. tender could be unfas;
toned from the rest.of the train, the.
two former would dash forward'with
accelerated velocity' would be the
first to meet the shock of the colli
sion;would act, as a buffer, and
woud cheek, slightly, the speed ;'
and thus; when the,rest came into'
contact, would perhaps cause but lit
tle loss of life, if any.l It was Leoni-•
das throwing himself into the pass,
but Leonidas that he might save the
three hundred.
"Jim was only an ordinary stoker,
but he had also been a soldier, where
he had learned habits of implicit
obedience. Ile said to me, after
wards, that he did, not stop to think.
To tell the truth, colonel,' were his
words,
I was too seared to. think.
But I did as I was told,hardiy know
ing I did it; yOu saw me, you and
General Powell, don't you remember,
and how' I uncoupled the baggage
,car, just in time?'
" I do remember. I behold it all
again, as vividly as at that moment.
I seem to hear the quick, sharp
words of command, like nothing
so much as the crack of a ride;
then I see Jim black and begrimed,,
leap backwards, tug at the Coupling ;
then the locomotive and tender dart
ahead, as if shot from a battery ;
then came a wild thud, the crash of
iron, and splitting of, wood, two loco
motives leaping up in the air, a,gush
of fire, an explosion that shook the
earth."
The colonel 'passed his band across
Ms eyes, as if to shut out the sight,
drew a deep breath, and went on :
" In another second we were upon
them: At - tint , I thought that we,
REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER.
too, were Post. But apart from the
fact that the'' brakes .had begun to
tell, our momentum had been further
diminished iby the detaching of the
tender, and when we dashbd' against
the mass of ;min, the shock was pnly
sufficient to throw• us off' our !feet,
and crush .ifl the forward part of the
Il i ,
baggage call, There lad been just
time for us to retreat to the re r of
the baggage elir before the crag ."
The coloneFtresumed, more quietly,
after a moment.
"Charley was found a few '_feet
from the tragedy on a bank, where
the force of the collision had flung
him. He bad died instantaneously,
the physician said. Fortunately he
was not disfigured, in the face at
lertst.
66 He was buried at the cemetery,
where I went to-day. A few of us
uilitO to erect a simple monument
()et, (him, and every year I go there
arid a wreathe of immortelles up
on •it."
4 4 heard afterwards, I may say, in
cidentally, that the monument had
been put up almost entirely at the
colonel's expense.
"A few of us",was his modest
figure of speech.
" And the poor girl who was to
have married him?" said our hostess.
with a sigh.
" Life was over for her,",answered
the colonel. " Hers was one of those
natures that can love but once."
" It would have been a prtifanation
to have loved any one else, after a
hero like that."
"Yes!" He was silent for a mo
ment. " But she was one that could .
not live without some object in life,
so she became a hospital nurse, and
when they ellow fever broke out, last
year; went down South. She was
one of the first to go, and , ," hesita
tingly, "one of the first to die. She
died at Memphis."
" Poor, poor thing !" •
" When the frosts came, her friends
bad her brought North, and laid her
beside Charley," said the colonel.
" And this year I took out,-as I shall
always hereafter, TWO IMMORTELLES."
—Peterson's illaOniine.
SCENE IN A • MASSACIIUSETtS
CHURCIL—In• 1646 the Rev. Dr. Sam
uel Whiting was minister of I.ynn.
One Obadiah Turner kept a journal
at that time in which. occurs the fol.
lowing:.
"1646, June ye 3d. Allen BrS•d
ges bath bin chose to wake ye sleep
ers in meeting, and being much
proud of his place must needs have a
fox taile fixed to ye end of a long
staff wherewith he may brush the
faces i, of them yt 'will have naps in
time ,of discourse; likewise a sharp,
thorne wherewith he may prick such
as be moste sounde. On ye Taste
Lord's day, as he strutted aboiit
ye meeting house, he did spy Mr.
Tomlins sleeping with much com
forte, his head kept steady by his be
ing in ye corner, and his hand grasp,
ing ye rail. And soe spying Allen
did quickly thrust his staff behind
Dame Ballow], and give him a griev
ous prick upon ye hand. Whereup
on Mr. Tomlins did sprilig up much
above ye floor, and with terrible
force strike his band against ye wall,
and algo, to ye great wonder of all,
prophanlie exclaim, in a loude voice,
Cuss the woolchtiek,' he dreatning,
al it seemed, yt a woodchuck bad
selzed and bit his hand. But on com
ing to know where he was, and ye
great scandal he bad committed, he
seemed much abashed, but did not
speake. And I think he will not
soone againe go to sleep in meeting.
Ye women may sometimes go to
sleep and none know it by reason of
their enormous bonnets. Mr. Whit
ing cloth pleasantly say yt from ye
cloth seem to be preaching
to stacks of straw with men jotting
here and, there among them."—
Springfield Republican.
SUCCESS SANCTIFIES.-At a Rhode
Island clam bake (Rhode Island is
famous for its clams and shbt guns),
the Hon. Z. Chandler was rallied by
Senator. Beck, of Kentucky, on his
adroitness and imprudence in claim
ing the election of Hayes on the day
after the contest. Rhode Island never
gives a clam bake without the et
mteras, and Chandler, being• in - the
best of humor, said : Beck, that
reminds me of a good story told on
a man in our town.' Some one came
to Ike Jone 4 and said : ".11.Ir. Jones,
I feel it my duty to come and tell
you that I saw your son in a gambling
house last night.' My son gam
bling?' said the shocked father, with
great excitement. ' Yes,' said the
friend sorrowfully, 'last night I saw
your son win. a thousand dollars.'
This quite relived the anxious fatfieri
tvho quietly said: I never could for
give him if - he had bungled.' ".—Buf
falo Express,.
Thoughtful Thoughts.
NOttIING can ,bo groat which isl not
right.
SNOWFLAKES
. Rll3 the frozen particl6; fo
God's breath.
Tun most manifest sign of God's wis
dom is confinuel cheerfulness.,
THE sufficiency of my merit is to know
my merit is nut sufficient.
LOVE 18 a weapon that will conquer
men when all other weapons fail.
GOOD nature is more amiable than
beauty and more agreeable than wit..
CONSCIENCE is the voice of the sou
the passions are the voice et the body.
A TALENT without tactt has been said
to be like a fiddle without a fiddlestick.
There is no tyrant like 'custom, and no
freedom where its edicts are not resisted.
WIIEREVEIt the tree of beneficence
takes root it sends forth brandies beyond
the sky..
IF we are at peace with God and
our own conscience, what enemy among
men need we fear?
THE most brilliant qualities becothe
useless when they are not sustained by,
force of character.
No evil propensity of the human heart
is so powerful that it may not be subdu.4
ed by discipline. ,
No degree of knowledge attainable by
man is able to set him above the want of
hourly assistance.
AFTER friendship and love come benev
olence and that compwodon which unites
the soul to thn unfortunate.
Teri darkness of death is like the even
ing twilight; it makes all objects appear
more lovely to the dying.
How She Got Noah.
A.Detroit justice of the peace was
the other day interviewed by a wo
man about 45 years of age,,who an
nounced that she would be married
on a given day at her farm hquse,
and his honor had been selected to
come out and perform the ceremony.
She asked .how much the fee was,
and paid it and took a receipt. Busi
ness concluded she sat down, filled a
short clay pipe with tobacco and in
dulged in a smoke.
" You won't flunk out on. this ?"
she said, as she - rose to go, after ex
hausting the.contents of the pipe.
" Oh, no—l'll be there, sure:"
" So'll I and so'll he, or I'll know
the reason why l _lie's been clawing
off a little lately, but I'll make him
toe the mark. see if I don't."
"I hope nothing unpleasant will
ot•cur," observed the court.
" I hope so, too, but Pin going to
be prepared for a scrimmage just the
same. You always back the'.weaker
don't you ?"
"Yes," softly responded the justice.
" So do 1, and I guess we'll be 41i
Don't forget_the date."
His honor went out on Monday
night prepared to • perform the cere
mony with promptness and good will.
'He found about. a dozen personsias
sembled at the hoil . se, and •the wonien
looked gorgeous under the light of
three kerosene lamps. She had tier
pipe going, and her face was covered
with a bland smile as she shook hands
and said:
" Taket i a cheer. The old man isn't
here yet, but I'll send for him." Then
turning to a boy in the room, she ,
exclaimed . :
" Samuel, go and tell the old man
its time to come and be spliced."
Samuel departed on his errand,
and alter a lapse of. ten minutes' he
leturned and. responded:
" The old man is over to Martin's,
He's got his boots. off, and is whit:
tling out a wooden cat; and I i don't: -
believe he cares tsVito cents aboo get
ting married to you or anybody else."
The widow refilled her pipe, ; took
several strong wihitrs, and' then said
to a long legged, farmer who seemed
hungry for the bridal feast :
." Moses, you go over and tell Noah
I want him."
Moses departed.; He was absent
ten minutes, and then louugec I in and!
said : •
" says he's quite coinfortab e where
he
. is; I guess he isn't on th t marry
very much."
.
"Judge," began the woman, as she
looked around for her bonnet,, " you
play a game of fox-and-geese with
Moses while I go over and sge about
this thing. There's going to be a
malriage here to-night, and I'll bet a
new hoss-rake on it !" .
She Was crone about twenty min
utes,
and then returned in company
with Noah. He had neither coat nor
hat on, and only one boot, on, and
both were pantinbr breath.
" cl-go ahead, Judge !" she gasped;
as. she hauled the groom into the
centre of the room. "He heard me
coming And got out and ran four
times around-the orchard, but here
he is!"
" Do you *ant to marry this wo
man ?" asked the official, as he gave
Noah a looking over.
-. Yaas 1" was the blunt over.
" Then why did you run away ?"
"'Spose I'm going to give right in
the first thing?" demanded the indig
nant Noah. " I'll go and fix up and
come back."
" No, darling—no, you won't, in
pet amethyst!" ebuesled the widow.
" Well he married ; right here and
now, boots or no boots!"
She crowded him against the table,
Moses stood behind' the pair ready
to render any needed aid, and the
knot was soon tied: As soon as the
ceremony was over, Noah skipped
out of the. back door; btit no one pur
sued. The widow called. the. guests
to supper and remarked :
" Sit down and dou't worry about
the groom. I've -been nine years
working him up to this, bUt he'll be
a little bashful for a few weeks. Have
some of this roasted pig, Mr. Court?"
—Detroit Free Press:
Scotch Courtship
A shy young man of Scotland for
fourteen years had mooed the? lassie of
his heart. One night Jamie - =for that
was the young man's name—called
to see Jennie, and there was a terri
ble look about his eyes, just as there
is sometimes when they made up
their minds to pop the question. And
Jamie came in and sat down by/the
fire just as be had don , every Tues
day and Friday night'{ for fourteen
years, and he talked. of the weather,
and the cattle, and the.erops, and
the stock market I was going to say,
- -but no; they didn't talk about that;
and finally .lamie said :
" I've known yoit for a long time."
" Yes, Jamie," said she.
"And—l've thought I'd always
like to know you, Jennie."
" Y-c-s—J am ie.'"
"And so I've .bought—a
nie."
"
" So—that—when—"
"Yes—Jamie—Yes.".
" We're dead we can lay our bones
together."
'fink, fool had gone and bought a
kit in a graveyard, but Jennie vas
pot discourager'. She knew her man
well—after fourteen years she ought
to—and so she said, gently: •
".Jamie."
" Yes, Jennie."
Don't, you think 'twould be bet
ter 'to la' our bones together while.
we're yet alive?"
GRACE (whispering)—" What lovely
boots your partner's got, Mary !" Mary
(ditto): "Yes, unfortunatelA had shines
at the wrong end." .
Iv the gem purile had been in exist
ence in the'days of Socrtes,,lferelock
son would have speedily gone out of use
as a means of punishment.
IF a man brawls ho is regarded with
contempt.. If a biook brawls is looked
upon with admiration. Is a puny stream
of water of more account than al man?
THE latest rendering of the proverb is :
"People who live in glass 'houses, and
who want to throw their arms around the
girl, should pull down the blinds," how
true it is I"
I=
Into all lives some rain muat fall,
Into alleges some tear drops start,
Whether they fa i ii as a gentle shower,
Or tall like - fire from an aching heart.
IntO all hearts some sorrow must Creep;
Into all 'Souls some doubting come,
Lashing all waveit of Life's great. deep
Fs ora dimpling waters to settling foam,
Over all paths some clouds must lower,
Under all fectisoute sharp thorns spring,
Tearing the flesh to bitter wounds,
Or entering the heart with their bitter sting
Upon all brows rough winds must blow,
Over all shoulders a cross be lain,
Bowing the form in itt; lofty height
Down to the ditst in bitter pain.
Into all hande some duty thrizst, •
Unto all arms some burdens given.
Crushing the-heart with its weary weight,
Or lining. the soul frOm earth to heaven.
Into all bealls and homes and lives'
God's dear sunlight conies streaming down,
Gilding the ruins of Lite's!great plain—
Weaving for all a golden crown.
"There, Jared,. What do you
think of that for a baby ?"
,said Harry
Maverick,' triumphantly, as he' held
up the, little dimpled, velvet - headed,
specimen- of humanity which repre
sented at least. half a continent of
importairce' i in . his eye's, while' Mrs.
Maverickstood by, all smiles and
conscious pride.
" Take it, Uncle Jared !" said she.
The old bachelor recoiled slightly
at this proposition.
'• Do you—do you think it wouldn't
crack, nor come to pieces, nor any
thing ?" hazarded he.
" Not if you f lhild it carefully,"
said Mrs. Maverick, with the utmost
ffravity,. until Harry burst into a
shout t' of langhie'r,, and tossed the
bundle of embrdhlered flannel and
blue ribbon sash into Uncle Jared's
arms. .
"It seems a comfortable affair
enough," said that embarrassed per
son. " Cry much,
_eh ?" '
" The beSt child in the world!"
said Mrs..MaN crick, feßently.
" I dare say," said Uncle Jared.
"Here—perhaps you'd better take it
again, Jane Maria. I'm not used to
holding babies, and this one seems
rather loose-jointed and shaky about
the arms."
So Uncle Jared sat down to read
the newspaper, while Hairy Maverick
danced the übiquitous baby upon his
knee, and. Maria 'made haste to clear
away thel4upper dishes so that they
could all go out to market in good
time;. for Mrs: Maverick was a most
thrifty and economical little house
wife; and believed in the efficacy of
Saturday;-,inight marketing.
" Thin , i 4 s are al ways cheaper then."
said MrZlaverick, "and I . do like
to make a dollar go as far as pos
sibly will: Harry isn't a rich'man.
and my poor, dear father always used
to say, 'EConomy is wealth.' "
"Jane Maria," said Uncle Jared,
viewing his nephew's wife, with an
approving eye, "you are a sensible
airl!" •
"Oh," said Harry, laughing,. ‘i‘ we
make a regular jubilee of our
.Satur
day nights, Jane Maria and I. You
ought to see us sallying forth with,
the market basket, and the baby, and
the little brown leather purse."
"It must be admirable, I'm suit,"
said Uncle Jared. _..
And as 'he was from the country,
and had never seen a New York
market lighted up of an evening.
Harry .suggested , that his . Uncle
should make one of the party.
" It's as good as a theatre, Uncle
Jared," said he. " Come 'along with,
us, and see how the thing is done."
" Oh, do come, Uncle Jared," said
Jane Maria, clapping her .hands,
"and - see what a capital manager I
am !"
And; ;Uncle Jared smiled benig.
nantly, and acceded to the proposi
tion without much 'urging.
Uncle Jared had shaken his head
and looked dubious when first Harry
Maverick had got married.
" Matrimony now-a-days isn't what
it used to be', my boy," he had said.
"Girls are apt to be extravagant, and
young married people too often want
to begin where their fathers and
mothers leave oft"
" 3tit Jane Maria isn't the least bit
expensive in her tiste, Uncle Jared,"
pleaded Harry. "We are going to
Housekeeping •in four rooms—and
you should, see the beefsteak, pies
and raised' hiseuit, she makes! ail
she commenced half a' dozen shirts
for me ; and she trims hei own hatsi
and keeps an account of every cent
she spends."
" All !" said Uncle Jared, approv
ingly. " That looks more like it," .
And upon this, his first visit to tho
wedded couple, he was delighted with.
the pretty little black-eyed neice-in
law, Who welcomed him so hospitably,
improvised such a snug little sofa
bed- for him, every night, before the
parlor fire, and made his barley soup
and mutton-broth exactly as he liked
it.
Ile had been inclined to think, itist
at first, that the room was furnished
extravagantly.
.
"A Biussels carpet ?" said he.
"That was a prepent from my
cousin," said :Jane Maria. "So old
that she thought it was fit for nothi,
ing but to cut up for rugs. But I
washed it with borax anewater, and
ripped it apart, and, turned all the
breadths,• the freshest part in the
middle, and now see how. nice it
looks !" '
"And these elegant; red curtains,
with the gilt cornices," said Uncle
Jared, dubiously.
" Hti, ha,ha!" - roared - Harry.
" Only Turey red, with a border
that she sewed on herself; and lined
with four - cent uslin ; and the cor
nice'7l is a strip'O smooth board .with
.
gold paper paste ,
on!"
"And the mantel draperies?" said
e.J i
Unclared. _
"Cut out of my. old Turkish dress
ing-gown," said Harry.
"-And those - antique . Japanese
vases ?" . .
" Old-preserve-jars, that she deco
rated at odd times," triumphantly
asserted the young husband.
" Upon my word," ,paid Uncle
Jared, " I belieVe she's got Alladin's
lamp hidden away in one of her apron
pockets!"
'And so they nil started off, in high
good bumor t to market, on that cold
DECREED
MISSING---A. BABY.
I
81.00 per Annum In Advance:
Saturday night-in FebruarY, with the
baby bundled up in a white flannel'
blanket,-,and a cap all 'bristling with
loops of - narrow ribbon. r
Mrs. Maverick had the purse, and
rfarry parried a huge market basket,
with aniaggressive handle and double
lids, and to 'Uncle .Jared was intrust
ed, the responsibility of the baby.
11111
" Don't slip on the ice, Uncle
Jared," said Harry.' = . -
"No, Flvon't," said : the bachelor,
," And carry the little dear verY
carefully," added Jane•Aliria, wish
fullYl.
'
" I'll be sure and remember," said
Uncle Jared, who-had never carried
a baby befOie, an was Surprised to
find how easyit was..
•
The old lbackwoodsman,, Was de
lighted with the glare and 'glitter of
the market, the shopting vendrs,the
crowding customer 4 the flaring lights,
through which harry and Jane Maiid
made their way, like skillful. pilots
threading the perilous . intricacies of
" ['furl gate,'' with- Uncle' Jared fol
lowing blindly in the rear, with the
_bah) , on one arm,.and' a turkey, wrap
ped in a clean' linen cloth; on 'the
other.
•
Presently they stopped at a counter
to price pickled lambs' tongues.
" Let me 'take, the basket,?' said
Uncle Jared. " I've nothing to car=
ry—Good ; land of Goshen! what hate
I done with the baby ?"
• And, secretly thankful that Jane
Maria was too busy with the quality
of the lamb's' tongues to notice'what
he hit S saki, and that Harry Mavoick
had just met an acqUaintarice, he
hurried back to the last counter
where. they had stopped • ,
" ForgOCyci i iir bundles, eh?"' said
the , goodnat red - fruit-dealer, of
whom they had bought -apples , -for
Stinday's dessert. " I thought, likely
you'd, be, back. directly. Here they
be,.all safe and sound."
And, with- nervous hand, Uncle
Jared thrust the turkey into the bas
ket—or at least what he supposed
was the turkeywhere . it settled.
down,upon a pound and a half of
lamb-chops and a; bunbh of - celery;
he shouldered the-other parcels, and
overtook his nephew:and . niece, just
as they hail begun, to.be a•little aux,
ions aboutldiu.
" Uncle Jared !" cried Harry ;
"where hate you. been ?'' •
"Just stepped - back to price some
!4splint brooms and feather
dusters,"l answered guilty
„Uncle
• , .
Jared. .
•" Is the baby warm and conifort
able'?" qu'ioned Jane Maria.
" Then if the marketing is all cont
plete, my dear—" said Mi. Maveric -
"It is, love," said Mrs. Maverick,
consulting her tablets..
We'll go home," said Harry.
The minute they .were once again
within the' cosy `ilit which constitu
ted Mrs." Maverick's little world, she
thing off her shawl and bonnet, sat
down in the cushioned rocking chain
before the'tire, and held out both of
her arms for the baby.
"Now, Uncle Jared," said she,
give me Tootsy Pootsy." -
nothin g loth, .11 - Ciele Jared
delivered. over the parcel, which was
beginning to feel seriously heavy.
" Why," Cried - Mrs. Maverick,
" where is Its 'shawl ? Flannel at
sixty cents a yard, thatl worked my
self, in floss silk and saddlers' twist."
" Shawl ?" said - I.Thcle Jared guilti
ly, " isn't it there ? I'm sure I—"
4 . And how coil the precious dar
ling is!" shrieked Mrs. Maverick, un - -
rolling . the' wrappings. " 0-p-o-h ! it
isn't the ,baby at all—it's the
turkey !" ti
W hat ?" thundered' Harry.
" Eh I" faltered_ uncle Jared, star
ing helplessly down at the portly
proportion's of the turke y ,v!with } ' its
feet sticking stiffly up in the air, and
its head limply drooping Oyer Mrs.
Maverick's - knee,
" Where 'S;my baby?" cried Jane
Maria; anal straightway went into
hysterics on the hearth-rug before
the fire.
" Here's .my baby?" demanded
Harry Maverick; taking his venera-
ble relative by the cellar.
" Ouch! Ouch!, 'Don't, oh oh,!
don't choke me to death!" said uncle
Jared. '" I must have left it on the
counter where the oranges. and fil
berts were, and' I didn't mean to,
upon my word:and honor! Let'sto
right back and see."
But the 'fruit : dealer scoffed at
them.
" I gave the old gentleman all
. his
biindles," said he," every one. P'ye
take me for ; a thief ?"
"You didn't give him the baby r!
shrieked. Maverick. • -`
1 "'Baby t' What baby ?" said the
• ?.
market-nrian.. "Mary alive, are you
crazy ? There wasn't any baby."
And, Harry Maverick, tearing his
hair and loading' his bewildered uncle
with i.execrations, l hastened to the
neardst police station, -
"My . ba•a-by was all that he
.could, say; and he clung •to the bronze
standard of the - big lamp by the p4:l
lice_sirgeant's,Oesk.
The officer !eyed him through an
enormous pAir4ot
.spectacles:
-
?" -" A baby? Any
thing happenkd'?"'
" Lost !" said Harry, gulping down
a great lump in hig throat. . .
" When.?"• Said the sergeant,' . whip-,
pi4g• out a. pencil.and preparing to
make memoranda on a piece of paper. ,
But when.he heard all the particu
lars he only laughed.
" It's all right, •? said' he.. "
needn't fret, my man. It'll turn up
somewhere.. Babies. of that age are
never lost long."
Afid he ,otted down a few particu
lars, and intimated to the distracted
father that perhaps. he had better,
stand aside and let the old woman
with a basket, who had been robbed
by her. servant maid, come forward:
." Those people are brutes !" gasped
Maverick. • " Uncle 'Jared, let us gf)...
I'll write to the Complaint Column
about 'em. But first I'll go honie
and try to comfort my poor, be reavell, .
; heart-broken wife !".
.• Jane Maria was still weeping and
bemoaning herself, the centre of . half
a dozen maids and Matrons, Ilk
were trying various mettiods!of con
solation.. . .
:..At the entrance of her , husband
and his uncle,
_she burst into fresh
tears and sobs. 1,,
Old. Mrs. Miller lifted the - market
basket off One 'of the chairs, to Make ' -
room for the new comer*.
" I may as well put the.matketing
away, Mrs. Miller thought. "Crying
won't do no good, -folks must
work." • _
Thus moralizing,-sic-'opened the
lid of the basket. A small, squeaking
sound - proceeded therefrom.
Mrs. Miller recoiled in dismay;
,kt.My good grdcious!" she yelled.
"What's the matter ?" cried all
the maids and matrons in chorus. .
" It's alive!" said Mrs. Miller.
Jane Maria made -but one cl - a - t at
the market basket; in another mo
ment the infant heir of - the house of
Maverick was roaring lustily in her
maternal arms, with a prong of
_eel
erf sticking out behind its ears, and
a slice or lamb•chcp adhering to its
skirts. ' .
NUMBER 50
. _
A lIKANSA.W ETIQUETTE'.-Lastoight
two men from Philadelphia engaged
in a (panel, at a - hotel in this city.
After using 'all kinds of epithets, one
of. the men .thrust ,his hand behind
him as thOugh about tO draw a pistol
and then took it away. The iparrel
terminaled'without damage to either
party: 11p old, man from ',South
Arkansas shoOk hack his long hair,•
~and ttivancing- to the man-who bad
- Made the hip-pocket motion, remark
'ed : Both of you men are strangers
here; I reckon ?" -" Yes." " Not ad- •
quainted, with our little rules qt
politeness?"` " How ?" " Why,you
pit your hand behind you just now."
° f )res." " You -didn't pull a.gun."
I. haven't got . a gun:" "Now,
-young man man, let me-give' you a
'piece of advice. While - you are in
this country dun't.put,your h
-and 'be
hind you unless yon Intend to Shoot. -
Don't even run
, your 'band . in your
pocket for a claw of tobacker. Don't .
spit. .Don't you do your
pardner; if he is an Arkansaw man,
will jolt you. , You must learn these'
little rules of !politeness. You may
know, how
.tO conduct yourself -at -
church, but you've got a good many
rules of. ,etiqUette to r learn:"—;Litqe
Rock Gazette.
Uncle Jared, had put thel*rong i
bundle into the basket. .
-
• He remained six weeks,' an henored,
guest of. the family ; but they never
trusted - him to carry the baby again:
" And I can't blame e'm for it,"
says uncle -Jared, - laughing, 1 1" The
'fact 17in - not used to babies,."
PECULIARITIES OF NEW -114VE'S.
CHiLDE.F.N.—A little daughter ,o'f r one
of the Yale professors soinewbat'
tonished her father the 'other day.
White playing about tinder the table
,slie broke the handle of a basketishe
found there. Gazing upon herhand
iwork in dismay. she was silent fora .
and then she used first • -
words that•chanced to coin . &into her; •
mindt bey 'were the words which
send a shrill ot-. horror thOugh -all
the " ?inafore " crews, namely:
"Damn it, that-'s too bad." l .- -
little boy, not the son of a Yale
piofessor, was sayinglhis prayers . in
this city the other night, when - his
devotiobal frame of mind was smile-
what:infringed upon by a
_brother '
who has little apprefiensidn of the
/t‘ sweet hour of prayer?" - The little
fellow struLiakd between his sense of
duty and hi 4 inclination for a - time,
but finally compromised by saying:
'," Please, Lott], excuse me while I
'punch my - brother Johnnie's a head,'
Johnnie's head having been duly
punched, the prayer was 'resumed
and finished:— Ho rijiird. Courant,.
--,~~~. J .--
pIFELIiENCE .131.ITIkEEN , ENGLISH
AND A MERICAN'=GENTAY.--A . recent
trip of the steamer City , of,Chester,
orahe Inman gine, from New 178rk
to Liverpool, was enlivened, by thg
wit of a Washington girl;- who was
the favorite passenger. "In .the same
steamer was a young English snob,
Who wore a suit of clothes of Very
large plaid, with - a fatigue cap to
match, a single eye-glass,,thiek,' sol
ed boots, .spotted, shirt - and , loud'
necktie.. He had that exasperating
c l lrawl peculiar to English snobs.
' A w, yaas," said he, in conversation
witlithe Washington girl, "I have
.4 , en cousidewable of your country
l have been to New ITawk, - -Chicago,
' ' rnahaw and other places, and it is
..a l gwate country, but you.daret seem
.tO have any. gentwy in Amewica."
" What do you call"gentry l'," asked
the lady. " Aw,why pepple, - people .
who live who live , without work."
"Oh, yes; we Wive such people," an
sweredthe lady, " but we don't call
theni gentry." "Aw, then, what
do you call them, pway 1! ‘' We call
them, tramps." "Aw --
!"ll'ashington.
Republic:
A WESTERN JURTMAN.-ItCRS out
West, in- one of those local Courts
where-a friendly, talkative - way -marks
the intercourse beiweenjudgeS, juries,.
counsel and clients.. A man of, the
law, after developing, - . , Oonsiderable
eloquence and perspiration -in behalf
of- a prisoner, perorated- by sayincr:
" Centleman; after what) have stated
to 'you, is this man guilty l? - ; , Can he
be guilty ?, is he guilty ?L',,
Gyoutly to his digust, the foreman
on the jury, after a copious-expecto:
ration, replied : You just . wait a
little,. old boss, and we'll tell you-2' .
As the poker player would say -:
" Foreman had the age, and counsel=
lor passed out."LHarpees Magazine
Octokr.-
•
A CONTEMPORARY, sfpeaking,.ot;the
use Of the word authoress; says:
"The entire number 'of. English
words denoting persons, which ipro
.perly take the, . ess for such designa
tion, is very small. 'majority Hof
those are titles; where the discrimi
nation is a matter of necessity. In
addition. there are-some Words which
loug usage has sanctioned. Of
these,-are actor, actress ;,.benefactor,
benefactress ; patron, patroness Poet
means, simply, a person ,who -writes
poetry; and author,: a person who
writes poetry or prose: not .a man
who writes, but a person who writes.
Nothing, in either word, indicates
sex.
A-itAnn-rasssko debtor was- not at - all
surprised when he got home - at night and
-his wife told, him . that there *as no
drarght in the chimney. "There' is no
draft anywhere for me t he said.
A MAN'swapped his horse . for a wife.
Au old bachelor acquaintance said he'd
bet there was something Wropg with the
horse, or- its owner would never have fool.
ed, it away in that yeckless manner.
" Din.you see Baron Y.'s _hers° fall on
his-jockey over that,hurdle?"- "Oh, yes!
The jockey's killed, 'but the horse is all
right." " Yes, I kuow. It. dm*, amount
to anything; but the Baron . lutist have
been featiullyScared."
- Tilts is what is said of the Woman of
the Period : She weighs . down her idiotic
little skull with the decaying hair of dead
women ; slie.puts her under the cen
tre of her instep, so that, as (the' old. ne
go) . ballad: . says, "do sole of her 100 t
makes do bole in de gr4.)nit'.?-
El