. MUM. 010 - PV ELICATION. The BRADFORD RETORTER / published every Thursday morning' by BOODRICII & HITOUCOCR, One Dollar per annum, In advance. di...Advertising in ,all cases exclusive of sub.. Seription tattle paper: t SPECIAL NOTlCESinserted at TEN CENTS per line for first insertion , and rms. c ears paellas for each subsequent insertion, but no notice inserted for leas thin Nifty cents. YEARLY ADVERTISEMENTS will be Insert ed at reasonable rates. Administrator's and Executory? Notices, 112; Auditor's tiotlces,f2.so ; Business Cards, Ave lines, (per year) 0, additional lines each. Yearly advertisers are entitled to quarterly changes. TranMent advertisementsMuet he paid for to advance. All resolutions of associations; communipatlons of limited or Individual. interest, and notfces of Marriages or deaths. exceed ing dve lineeare charg ed FIVE CENTS per line; but simplenotlces of mar riages and de sths will be published without charge. '^he REPORTER having a larger circulationthan any other papef in the county, Makes it the belt advertising medium in Northerill'ennsylvania. • JOB PRINTING . of every kind. In plain and fancy colors, done with neatness-and dispatch. fiandbllls, Blanks, Eartli, Pamphlets, Billheads Statements, &c., of every variety and style, printed at the shortest notice. ',The REPORTER once Is well supplied with power -pretties, a good assort ment of new type. and everything In tht printing line-can be executed in the most artistic manner and at the loweit rates.. TERMS INVARIABLY CASH. .gausiness garbs. ADILL & KINNEY, M ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW. • • Office—Rooms formerly occupied by Y. C. A Reading Room. L. 4. 3,18,80 0. A. KIXNEY ALLIS- E. J. PERRIGO, TEACIIED Or 'VIAND AND ODGAN. Lessons given In Thorough Hans and Harmony ultivat ion of the voice a 'tpecialty. Located at A ,Mutii St. Reference :• Holmes Jk Passage owauda, March 4, 1430. JOHN W. CODDING, ATTOTLNEV-AT-LAW, TOWANDA, PA Office ovar lii,Tor's Drug Store pIIOMAB E. IkIYER ATTOUNEY-AT-LAW, ~s 1" TOWANDA, PA Office wlth Patrick :Intl *Foyle pEcK Ar, OVERTON ATTotixtys 7 AT-LAW, TOWANDA, rA. D'A.IIvERTov; II,OI)NEY A. NIEROUR, .ATT.;nvEy ToWAND.A„pA., Solicitor of Patents. Pat - Ocular attention paid to 14.111,, in the Orphaus Court and to the settle mew: of estates. - ' @dire iu Mont'anye,, Mock ?tiay 1,'79. OVERTON & SANDERSON, ATMRNEY-AT-LAW, TOWANDA, I'A. JOHN F. SAwur.nsoN E. (WF:itTbNo.I jar • IL JESSUP, ATTOUNEV AND roUNSF.LLOII.-AT-LAW, *MONTROSIt t ., PA.: Judge Jessup having resumed the practice of the law In Northern Pennsylvania,ltwlll attend to any legal Inedness intreisted to him In Bradford county. Persons n'ishing to consult Wm, call call on 11. t ree ter, ESq.. Towanda, Pa., will nan appointment can he male-. =E=Mia ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR-AT-LAW, TOWANDA, rA TT . L. TOWER, M. D., 11 noM EOPATIIIC PlirSIC I AS AND STTRC;F,ON vin_ Residence and Oli just North of Dr. eor hi it's, on t4lain Street,lA therm Pa. 10n2646nt„ NMI ATToIiNES-AT-LAW, TOW A N DA, PA. roovll-75 F. GOFF, . a A. ATTOUN AW, WICALITSING'; PA. rkzeney for the tale and purcha s e of all kinds of SyetirllieS and- for nod. iog lah on Rear Estate. Afl business will receive careful and prompt stlentlen. (June 4. 1879, G N I , , A ATTORNEYI%.attendill to all butattess entrusted to Ids care In Bradford, Su:llwatt and Wyoming Ceuntice. Office with Esq. Porter. • E.II3ULL, NlC [ lt E YOB. i:N i r; sEtAttNG, s NG AND DVAiTING• ilpice with G. F.Ma4on, over Pauli & Thiry. 3lalb street, Towanda, r t l. 4 11. ANGLE, I). D. S. Jo QPEItATIVE AND 3IECIIANICAL DENTIST oftce on State Street, second floor of Dr. Pratt Ilee. apt a 79. VLSBBEE & SON, _A ATTOUNEYS-AT-LAW, TOWANDA, PA. N. C. EtsisnEE 4 . 31?I'ITERSON, - ATTORNET-AT-LAW, • 4 ToWANDA, t'A. 1 , lit er.4try .14 rill. C.,. TORN A 7. MIX, . • e/ 12=== TOWANDA, PA. Oftlee=Norli Side Public square SAM W. BUCK; 4.77`017 NE T-AT-L A W. TO WA .NDA, PEN.VA °airs—South side Poplar Street. opposite Want Noose. [Nov. la, 1579. iVfES CAIINOCHAN, ATT„pIIN LYS-AT-LAW, SOrTiLSIDE OF WAED HOUSE Dec 23-75 ANDREW WILT, ATTonNEY-AT-LAW. t.ll 4 .—m e ans. Itn,,k, fanpst., over .1. L. Kent's hn,r, lowanda. May be ronsulted In German. [Aprlll2.'76.] lAT . J. YOUNG, /CrronN EY-AT-(2AW, TOWANDA, PA. d••or south of the First Natlonal hank Main St., up stairs. WM. MAXWELL, A TTI.R N Eti-AT4, AR TOW X.:CPA, VA. °flier over Dayton's Store April 12. 1876 pit. s. M. WOODBUItN, Physi ctin an d sir ellll re Office at sidence, on c , treM, Ea:t Nlalli. ..Tow.ti,ta, May I, 1072 ly• . ~„; otiT W . 0 .11 ; r.F.E U. i. I . , 1 1 , ) 11 ,,e • T , nel E r.T l , S .. T . .— d y r fl a ice Teeth iuserted ou gold, Silver, Rubber, and A 1 - LIIIIIIIIIIIi: base. Teeth extracted without pain. let. 34-t-,2. DD Pll - CF M . - 4 'l • • AN AND SURGEON thaee over Mmitaticel.' store. Ocoee hours from.lo In !2 A. M. And from 2 to 4 Y. 1. Special attentiou given to (DISEASES? DISF.ASES -I or THE EYE and or f THE E (1. W. RYAN; l_A • - COUNTY St VERINTENDE Ince day last - Satnrday of each mobt.h, over Turner at Gordon's Drug Store', Towanda, Pa. Towanda, June 2n, 1,57,i. G S. RUSSELL'S GENERAL , INS R - AN C E AGENCY May2B-70tt FIRST -NATIONAL BANS, TOWANDA, PA. C kPITA I. PAID!IN El:urr.us I This Bank offeks unusual facilitt e a for the trams action of a gen6rni banking husinea% N. N. BETTS, Cashier Jos. rowELp, President MRS. 11. PEET, TEACHER OF PIANO MUSIC, • TElti(B.-410 parterre. (Resldencc•Thlrd street, Ist ward.) Tuwanda,Jsu. . c il v ET YOUR rt JOB PRINTING Ague st tho REVCJIITEE OFFICE, 01,Pcmita tho Court llonee , l' , ..wauda. Colore4 work a specialty • COODRICH & HITCHCOCK. Publ'shorts. VOLUME XL. V3usiness §arbs. V . 11. DORMAUL, E. 32 East Water St., Elmira, N.Y. . , Ist Floor - ORT ,fti OOHS Ltd Floor t111,11.1:114ERY ad Floor , CARPETS 4th Floor CLOAKS k SHAWLS Upper floors accessible by elevator. • //fir A visit of Inspection is respectfully solicited EDWARD WILLIAMS, PRACTICAL PLUMBER & GAS FITTER Place of buBlnear, a few doo.tlnorth of Post-Othce Plumbing, "as Fitting; itepal ring. Pumps of all kinds, and all kinds of liearing promptly attended to. All wanting work In Me hue should give him a rail. Dec. 4:1879. I NSURANCE! C. S. RUSSELL, Agent, 5ep.25,10 FIRE, LIFE, AND ACCIDENT BENJ. M. BECK iisued on the most reasonable terms None but reliable companies represented Towanda, Nov. 19, 1879 HENRY MERCUR, IM=l CORNER PARK AND RIVER STREETS, TOWANDA, Cnal screened, and delivered - to any parror the Itnrmagn. ALL ORDEBS MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY THE CASH. It. MERCUIt,. Towanda, Dec. 1, 1871 DEERE THE OLD MARBLE YARD STILL I\ OPERATION. The undersizned having purchased the MAR BLE YAM/ of the late ILIEI /IMF. McCABE, de sires to Inform the piddle that having employed experienced men. he Is'prepared to (Wall kinds of work In the line of MONUMENTS, • II EA D STONES, • MANTLES and SHELVES, In the very best manner and at lowest rates. ;Persons desiring anything In the Marble line are Invited to call and examine work, and save agents' ciumulsslon. • JAMES McCABE. - Towanda, Pa., Nov. IL 1674. :{lf a►lV NIARKET, 71. D. RUNDELL, Would respectfully announce that he Is contlnultm the Market business at the old stand of Mulluek.& Itunden. and will ,:st stl vines kerp a full supply of FRES 11. 13E= Constantly on hand. Country dealers supplied at city rates. [fehA'7B & SALT MEATS, GARDEN VEGETABLES, Jan. 1,1875 Sir All Goodn delivered Free of Charge E. D. RUNDELL Towanda, Pa. Nov. 27. 1879. ' MEAT MARKET! TOWANDA, PA BEIDLEMAN'S BLOCK, BRIDGE STREET, FRESH AND SALT MEATS, DRIED BEEF; FISH, POULTRY, GARDEN VEGETABLES AND BERRIES IN lAll goode delivered tree of charge Towanda, I'a., May 28, 1879 EW AR4ANGEMENT COAL 'BUSINESS. The undersigned haying purchased from Mr McKean the COAL YARD AT THE FOOT OF PINE STREET, NEAR THE COURT HOUSE, Invites the patronage of hie old friends and the public generally. I shall keep a full assortment ' - of all sizes, PITTSTON, WILK ESHARRE AND LOYAL &ICE COAL, AND SHALL SELL AT LOWEST PRICES FOR CASH NATHAN TIDD Towanda, Pa.. Aug. 21., HMS. - I;Y/ E AGLE HOTEL, (SOUTH SIDE PUBLIC SQUARE.) Tills well-known house has been thomughly ren nowated and repaired throughout, and the proprie tor Is now prepared to offer,erst-claw accommoda tions to the public., on the most reasonablelerms.. E. A. J EN SINGS. Tow l anda, Ps., May 2, 1878. TOWANDA, PA HENRY HOUSE, 8125,000 68,000 CORNER MAIN & 'WASHINGTON STREETS Meals M all hours. Terms to snit the times. Large stable attached. WM. LI PnOrhtzTon. Towanda, Jta Aril 1. 187.9 SEEILEY'S OYSTER BAY AND EUROPEAN HOUSE: A few doors souther the Bleibs House ? Board by the day or week on reasot4le terms. Warm meals served at all hours Oysterild wholesale aud retail. , feld•f7. • ApEll HOUSE, T Dec.13.1-m I JOHN N. WOLir TOWANDA, PA POLICIES •Losses adjusted and paid here =I SULLIV . .kti ANTIIRA6TE COAL DYSTERS FRUITS, &c. _ MYETt & Dr.VOE =ME Keep on hand, THEIR SEASON, &c. ]II ER & EvrXOE., 1 IN THE ,csoters. FIRSTWARD, TOWANDA, PA CAN TON, PENX.4II DEEM . HUMILITY • A, o 1 learn that It Is only by tke lowly The paths of peace aro trod ; If thou would•at keep thy garments while and Wslk humbly with by God. The man with earthly wisdom high uplifted, Is to God's sight a fool; But he in heavenly truth most deeply gifted, Sits lowest In Christ's school. The lowly spirit God bath consecrated As his abiding rest; An angel by some patriarch's tent bath walled, VA L hen kings had no such guest. The dew that never wets the flinty mountain, Falls In the valleys fire ; Bright verdure fringes the small desert fountain, But barren sand the sea. Not In the stately oak the fragrance dwelletb, Which_ charms the general wood, But In the violet low, whose sweetness telleth Its unseen neighborhood. The censer swung by the proud hand 'et . merit, Fumes with a lire abhorred ; Bitt two mites, dropped covertly, inherit A blessing from the Lord. !found lowliness a gentle radiance hovers, sweet unconscious grace. Which, even In shrinking, evermore discovers, The brightness on its face. Where, (10 abides. contentment Is an hbnor, Such gueidon meekness knows: , Ills peace within her, and His smile upon her, her saintly way she goes. Through the strait gate of life she passes, stoop• lag, With sandals on her feet : And-pure eyed graces, nth linked palms, come trotping Their sister fair to greet. The angels bend their eyes upon her goings, . And guard her from annoy; heaven flits her quiet' hearth with overflonings, Of calm, celestial joy. The Saviour loves her, for she nears the vesture • With whleh he walked on earth ; And through her child-Ilk° glance, and step and gesture, Ire knows her heavenly-birth. Ile now beholds Ills seal of glory graven On all whom he red, ems, And In Ills own bright city, crystal paven, On every brow It gleams. The white-robed saints. the' throne Stara singing under, Their stale all meekly wear; Their pauseless praise wells up from hearts which wonder That ever they came there. 'IWO "IMMORI'tLI;ES.'-'l' How differently the prizes of fame are distributed ! A Leonidas falls at Therniopyla?, and the world rings with the deed forever. A Napoleon ravages half of - Europe, and because he is n conqueror, is exalted by his worshippers into a demi-god: On the other liand,'s - pline sailor or soldier, or other, obscurelhero in the ranks, dies at the post ; of duty, in a strait even more desperate, and yet is never heard of again. We were talking of this the other night, at dinner, when Colonel Mark ham said : "Apropos of that I have been to day to lay a wreathe an the grave of one of that class. With your per mission, I will tell the story. "Charley Reason," he began, had biTn in my .regiment, and was so faithful and true that, when the War was ova, I exerted myself to get him Work. He was Only a private, remember ; the son of a poor hill farmer ; with very little education. The best I could do-for him was to get him a position as engineer on the Sweetwater railroad, to run one of the locomotives. " Ile gaVe such satisfaction, be was always so reliabie, that he soon got a promised advancement. On this he determined to marry. He had long been - eng_aged ,to marry a good girl, the daughter or a mechanic in our employ ; but thiey were both poor. " You see, colonel,' he said to me one day, when . I met him at the depot and stopped to ask him how he was getting on, ' it's a serious thing, this taking the responsibility ormarrying. Besides, Nellie is a girl above the ordinary ; she was finished at the Normal School; and I should like to surround • her with some little refine ments of life, 1. don't want to have everything coarse and rough about filet, as a very poor man must, no matter how much he loves his wife. That's the reason we've put it off. But now, thanks to sour good word, I'm to have a raise. This is my last trip, as perhaps you know.' " Ile raised his hand to his heads in the old military salute. 'You may feel perfectly safe,' he said, 'for even if I didn't - know von were on board I sltould do my duty, no inatter`what came og it.' "the words - were spoken aS if of course, and without any unnecessary emphasis; but they assumed tin im portanee subsequently, and (1 can never forget them. F think I see him now, looking as he looked when he uttered them, his figure drawn up to its full height, his hand at his, cap, his cheeks slightly flushed, his eyes gleaming like an eagle's. " Suddenly the eye softened, and j a smile stole over his face. Excuse me, please,' he said ; but there's' Nettie, God bless lier cotne to see' nse off! 1 must shaLe hands-Witb her before we start, and there's just " It was a bright, sunshiny face, that of a young woman about twenty, that I - saw wercome him ;, handsome, everybody would have Said it was ; but there was more than 'beauty in it; there was a look of couiage and high resolve ; soul and intellect were both there. " I could not act a spy on the part ing, so I turned away and sought a seat in the cars. • " I found an old friend on the train, General Powell, and after we had run 'labout twenty miles or so, and discussed business and politics, I proposed as' They all, know me on this line,' I said ' and we'll go into =the baggage-car, where we'll be alone.' " I exchanged a word or two with the baggage-master, asking after his family, as I always did, and then took a seat near the front of the car, so as to act the air from the open door, for till day was sultry, like this one. The coal and water tank. was just ahead of us, and beyond that the locomotive, for we were at the front of the train. I could see the tall, soldierly figure of Charley, as he stood at his post, with his hand on the rail, and beside him his assistant, lIMJ Z, _Prot% 'TOWANDA, -cBRADFORD COUNTY, PL, THURSDAY MORNING, MAT . 13, 1880. looking like a : Cyclops, begrimed with dust'and smoke The Sweetwater road, as you know, runs through a very picturesque re gion, -winding for the most part by the , banks of -the . Sweetwater itself, frequently terraced along low hills, with here and there a tunnel . ; .and what is more to the-point of my sto ry, innumerable CurVes.. We were rattling and surging on, when sud denly I saw,' not . far ahead, a puff of smoke around a ro cky j curve, and a directly a ft erwards u express train came rushing into sight, headed for us at full speed. • " The peculiar shriek, which is the signal for down, brakes,' was insta ne?:)us from both trains; but I saw at once that it would_ be useless ; the volocity of each was so great, the distance so small, that collision was inevitable. We were going at the rate of thirty miles an hour and the express at the rate of thirty, the two together making a speed of seventy; it was only a question of seconds, therefore, when we should crash into each other. "1 started to my feet, not with any intention of flight, but with a sort of instinct that, since I was to die, I would die standing. I have been in: twenty battles, as you all know; des; perate ones, most'of. them. I have had shot and.shell falling about me literally like rain. 1 have even ,seen that rare thing, a bayonet charge. But I never before felt that I was certain to die, that there was no hope whatever, as I felt that moment. " After one quick look at the ap proaching locomotive that, even in that single instant, seemed to grow, from its rapid approach, to twice the size it had been at first, I glanced to Charley, anxious to see how be, who would be the first to be struck, would take it. I had watched hiin under fite- more than -once, and knew he was the bravest of the brave. But this was different. It was more like leading a forlorn hope singly, in a narrow breach, than anything else ; but it was even worse than that.; might be.. one chance in ten thousand there of escape; herc there was none. I did not expect Charley to jump froni his engine, as many would have done. I knew he was too brave for that. But I did look for some sign . of emotion, though not exactly of fear. There was none, however, except the tightening of the lips, and the eagle-like look that came into his eye. llis cheeks never paled. Not one eyelash quivered: But that intense gaze did not leave the other ; locomotive for an instant. " All this passed in a moment— quicker, if!' possible, than a lightning flash. That stern tightening of the lips, the gleam of the eye, were the outward indications of the quick, comprehensive decision he came ter; for, in one moment, he had reviewed the whole situation, and ' took in the single chance there was for escape ; a chance I did not see, but which lie dill—escape for the rest of us, how ever, but not for him. Ile was dootned in any event.; he realized that; perhaps we all were; but there was a possibility of saving the pas sengers ; and it was his duty to do that, come what might to himself, as he had-said. "Do you understand the excep tional bravery of this? Napoleon used to say that very few men had four o'clock - courage. He meant by that, that when men were roused from sleep; suddenly, in the gray dawb, by a surprise, it took some time to get their wits about them— they were - rdazed, they lost their presence of mind. Now this was even a more crucial trial. Here was a train, oft its time, not signaled, un expectedly coming round a . corner, not half a mile olf, and, therefore,.at the rate at which both trains were goings, with but thirty seconds left, not merely to determine what to do, if anything- could be,done, but to do it.. Nine men out of ten 7 -yes, ninfty- . nine out of a hundred—would have lost their presence of mind. Even most of those who might have re tained it, Would have sacrificed that thirty seconds in weighing' the pros and cons of the situation. But Char leg not otily kept his nerves firm and his intellect cool, but reviewed the state of affairs in a moment, and-de cided as instantaheously. "'Jump back, Jim,' he cried, ad dressing his attendant, but not even looking around, while his voice rose, stern and sharp, over the thunder of the two trains. Uncouple me from the baggage car. Quick! It's the only chance!' "It was the only chance. How had I not thought of it? If the lo cOrnotive and. tender could be unfas; toned from the rest.of the train, the. two former would dash forward'with accelerated velocity' would be the first to meet the shock of the colli sion;would act, as a buffer, and woud cheek, slightly, the speed ;' and thus; when the,rest came into' contact, would perhaps cause but lit tle loss of life, if any.l It was Leoni-• das throwing himself into the pass, but Leonidas that he might save the three hundred. "Jim was only an ordinary stoker, but he had also been a soldier, where he had learned habits of implicit obedience. Ile said to me, after wards, that he did, not stop to think. To tell the truth, colonel,' were his words, I was too seared to. think. But I did as I was told,hardiy know ing I did it; yOu saw me, you and General Powell, don't you remember, and how' I uncoupled the baggage ,car, just in time?' " I do remember. I behold it all again, as vividly as at that moment. I seem to hear the quick, sharp words of command, like nothing so much as the crack of a ride; then I see Jim black and begrimed,, leap backwards, tug at the Coupling ; then the locomotive and tender dart ahead, as if shot from a battery ; then came a wild thud, the crash of iron, and splitting of, wood, two loco motives leaping up in the air, a,gush of fire, an explosion that shook the earth." The colonel 'passed his band across Ms eyes, as if to shut out the sight, drew a deep breath, and went on : " In another second we were upon them: At - tint , I thought that we, REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER. too, were Post. But apart from the fact that the'' brakes .had begun to tell, our momentum had been further diminished iby the detaching of the tender, and when we dashbd' against the mass of ;min, the shock was pnly sufficient to throw• us off' our !feet, and crush .ifl the forward part of the Il i , baggage call, There lad been just time for us to retreat to the re r of the baggage elir before the crag ." The coloneFtresumed, more quietly, after a moment. "Charley was found a few '_feet from the tragedy on a bank, where the force of the collision had flung him. He bad died instantaneously, the physician said. Fortunately he was not disfigured, in the face at lertst. 66 He was buried at the cemetery, where I went to-day. A few of us uilitO to erect a simple monument ()et, (him, and every year I go there arid a wreathe of immortelles up on •it." 4 4 heard afterwards, I may say, in cidentally, that the monument had been put up almost entirely at the colonel's expense. "A few of us",was his modest figure of speech. " And the poor girl who was to have married him?" said our hostess. with a sigh. " Life was over for her,",answered the colonel. " Hers was one of those natures that can love but once." " It would have been a prtifanation to have loved any one else, after a hero like that." "Yes!" He was silent for a mo ment. " But she was one that could . not live without some object in life, so she became a hospital nurse, and when they ellow fever broke out, last year; went down South. She was one of the first to go, and , ," hesita tingly, "one of the first to die. She died at Memphis." " Poor, poor thing !" • " When the frosts came, her friends bad her brought North, and laid her beside Charley," said the colonel. " And this year I took out,-as I shall always hereafter, TWO IMMORTELLES." —Peterson's illaOniine. SCENE IN A • MASSACIIUSETtS CHURCIL—In• 1646 the Rev. Dr. Sam uel Whiting was minister of I.ynn. One Obadiah Turner kept a journal at that time in which. occurs the fol. lowing:. "1646, June ye 3d. Allen BrS•d ges bath bin chose to wake ye sleep ers in meeting, and being much proud of his place must needs have a fox taile fixed to ye end of a long staff wherewith he may brush the faces i, of them yt 'will have naps in time ,of discourse; likewise a sharp, thorne wherewith he may prick such as be moste sounde. On ye Taste Lord's day, as he strutted aboiit ye meeting house, he did spy Mr. Tomlins sleeping with much com forte, his head kept steady by his be ing in ye corner, and his hand grasp, ing ye rail. And soe spying Allen did quickly thrust his staff behind Dame Ballow], and give him a griev ous prick upon ye hand. Whereup on Mr. Tomlins did sprilig up much above ye floor, and with terrible force strike his band against ye wall, and algo, to ye great wonder of all, prophanlie exclaim, in a loude voice, Cuss the woolchtiek,' he dreatning, al it seemed, yt a woodchuck bad selzed and bit his hand. But on com ing to know where he was, and ye great scandal he bad committed, he seemed much abashed, but did not speake. And I think he will not soone againe go to sleep in meeting. Ye women may sometimes go to sleep and none know it by reason of their enormous bonnets. Mr. Whit ing cloth pleasantly say yt from ye cloth seem to be preaching to stacks of straw with men jotting here and, there among them."— Springfield Republican. SUCCESS SANCTIFIES.-At a Rhode Island clam bake (Rhode Island is famous for its clams and shbt guns), the Hon. Z. Chandler was rallied by Senator. Beck, of Kentucky, on his adroitness and imprudence in claim ing the election of Hayes on the day after the contest. Rhode Island never gives a clam bake without the et mteras, and Chandler, being• in - the best of humor, said : Beck, that reminds me of a good story told on a man in our town.' Some one came to Ike Jone 4 and said : ".11.Ir. Jones, I feel it my duty to come and tell you that I saw your son in a gambling house last night.' My son gam bling?' said the shocked father, with great excitement. ' Yes,' said the friend sorrowfully, 'last night I saw your son win. a thousand dollars.' This quite relived the anxious fatfieri tvho quietly said: I never could for give him if - he had bungled.' ".—Buf falo Express,. Thoughtful Thoughts. NOttIING can ,bo groat which isl not right. SNOWFLAKES . Rll3 the frozen particl6; fo God's breath. Tun most manifest sign of God's wis dom is confinuel cheerfulness., THE sufficiency of my merit is to know my merit is nut sufficient. LOVE 18 a weapon that will conquer men when all other weapons fail. GOOD nature is more amiable than beauty and more agreeable than wit.. CONSCIENCE is the voice of the sou the passions are the voice et the body. A TALENT without tactt has been said to be like a fiddle without a fiddlestick. There is no tyrant like 'custom, and no freedom where its edicts are not resisted. WIIEREVEIt the tree of beneficence takes root it sends forth brandies beyond the sky.. IF we are at peace with God and our own conscience, what enemy among men need we fear? THE most brilliant qualities becothe useless when they are not sustained by, force of character. No evil propensity of the human heart is so powerful that it may not be subdu.4 ed by discipline. , No degree of knowledge attainable by man is able to set him above the want of hourly assistance. AFTER friendship and love come benev olence and that compwodon which unites the soul to thn unfortunate. Teri darkness of death is like the even ing twilight; it makes all objects appear more lovely to the dying. How She Got Noah. A.Detroit justice of the peace was the other day interviewed by a wo man about 45 years of age,,who an nounced that she would be married on a given day at her farm hquse, and his honor had been selected to come out and perform the ceremony. She asked .how much the fee was, and paid it and took a receipt. Busi ness concluded she sat down, filled a short clay pipe with tobacco and in dulged in a smoke. " You won't flunk out on. this ?" she said, as she - rose to go, after ex hausting the.contents of the pipe. " Oh, no—l'll be there, sure:" " So'll I and so'll he, or I'll know the reason why l _lie's been clawing off a little lately, but I'll make him toe the mark. see if I don't." "I hope nothing unpleasant will ot•cur," observed the court. " I hope so, too, but Pin going to be prepared for a scrimmage just the same. You always back the'.weaker don't you ?" "Yes," softly responded the justice. " So do 1, and I guess we'll be 41i Don't forget_the date." His honor went out on Monday night prepared to • perform the cere mony with promptness and good will. 'He found about. a dozen personsias sembled at the hoil . se, and •the wonien looked gorgeous under the light of three kerosene lamps. She had tier pipe going, and her face was covered with a bland smile as she shook hands and said: " Taket i a cheer. The old man isn't here yet, but I'll send for him." Then turning to a boy in the room, she , exclaimed . : " Samuel, go and tell the old man its time to come and be spliced." Samuel departed on his errand, and alter a lapse of. ten minutes' he leturned and. responded: " The old man is over to Martin's, He's got his boots. off, and is whit: tling out a wooden cat; and I i don't: - believe he cares tsVito cents aboo get ting married to you or anybody else." The widow refilled her pipe, ; took several strong wihitrs, and' then said to a long legged, farmer who seemed hungry for the bridal feast : ." Moses, you go over and tell Noah I want him." Moses departed.; He was absent ten minutes, and then louugec I in and! said : • " says he's quite coinfortab e where he . is; I guess he isn't on th t marry very much." . "Judge," began the woman, as she looked around for her bonnet,, " you play a game of fox-and-geese with Moses while I go over and sge about this thing. There's going to be a malriage here to-night, and I'll bet a new hoss-rake on it !" . She Was crone about twenty min utes, and then returned in company with Noah. He had neither coat nor hat on, and only one boot, on, and both were pantinbr breath. " cl-go ahead, Judge !" she gasped; as. she hauled the groom into the centre of the room. "He heard me coming And got out and ran four times around-the orchard, but here he is!" " Do you *ant to marry this wo man ?" asked the official, as he gave Noah a looking over. -. Yaas 1" was the blunt over. " Then why did you run away ?" "'Spose I'm going to give right in the first thing?" demanded the indig nant Noah. " I'll go and fix up and come back." " No, darling—no, you won't, in pet amethyst!" ebuesled the widow. " Well he married ; right here and now, boots or no boots!" She crowded him against the table, Moses stood behind' the pair ready to render any needed aid, and the knot was soon tied: As soon as the ceremony was over, Noah skipped out of the. back door; btit no one pur sued. The widow called. the. guests to supper and remarked : " Sit down and dou't worry about the groom. I've -been nine years working him up to this, bUt he'll be a little bashful for a few weeks. Have some of this roasted pig, Mr. Court?" —Detroit Free Press: Scotch Courtship A shy young man of Scotland for fourteen years had mooed the? lassie of his heart. One night Jamie - =for that was the young man's name—called to see Jennie, and there was a terri ble look about his eyes, just as there is sometimes when they made up their minds to pop the question. And Jamie came in and sat down by/the fire just as be had don , every Tues day and Friday night'{ for fourteen years, and he talked. of the weather, and the cattle, and the.erops, and the stock market I was going to say, - -but no; they didn't talk about that; and finally .lamie said : " I've known yoit for a long time." " Yes, Jamie," said she. "And—l've thought I'd always like to know you, Jennie." " Y-c-s—J am ie.'" "And so I've .bought—a nie." " " So—that—when—" "Yes—Jamie—Yes.". " We're dead we can lay our bones together." 'fink, fool had gone and bought a kit in a graveyard, but Jennie vas pot discourager'. She knew her man well—after fourteen years she ought to—and so she said, gently: • ".Jamie." " Yes, Jennie." Don't, you think 'twould be bet ter 'to la' our bones together while. we're yet alive?" GRACE (whispering)—" What lovely boots your partner's got, Mary !" Mary (ditto): "Yes, unfortunatelA had shines at the wrong end." . Iv the gem purile had been in exist ence in the'days of Socrtes,,lferelock son would have speedily gone out of use as a means of punishment. IF a man brawls ho is regarded with contempt.. If a biook brawls is looked upon with admiration. Is a puny stream of water of more account than al man? THE latest rendering of the proverb is : "People who live in glass 'houses, and who want to throw their arms around the girl, should pull down the blinds," how true it is I" I= Into all lives some rain muat fall, Into alleges some tear drops start, Whether they fa i ii as a gentle shower, Or tall like - fire from an aching heart. IntO all hearts some sorrow must Creep; Into all 'Souls some doubting come, Lashing all waveit of Life's great. deep Fs ora dimpling waters to settling foam, Over all paths some clouds must lower, Under all fectisoute sharp thorns spring, Tearing the flesh to bitter wounds, Or entering the heart with their bitter sting Upon all brows rough winds must blow, Over all shoulders a cross be lain, Bowing the form in itt; lofty height Down to the ditst in bitter pain. Into all hande some duty thrizst, • Unto all arms some burdens given. Crushing the-heart with its weary weight, Or lining. the soul frOm earth to heaven. Into all bealls and homes and lives' God's dear sunlight conies streaming down, Gilding the ruins of Lite's!great plain— Weaving for all a golden crown. "There, Jared,. What do you think of that for a baby ?" ,said Harry Maverick,' triumphantly, as he' held up the, little dimpled, velvet - headed, specimen- of humanity which repre sented at least. half a continent of importairce' i in . his eye's, while' Mrs. Maverickstood by, all smiles and conscious pride. " Take it, Uncle Jared !" said she. The old bachelor recoiled slightly at this proposition. '• Do you—do you think it wouldn't crack, nor come to pieces, nor any thing ?" hazarded he. " Not if you f lhild it carefully," said Mrs. Maverick, with the utmost ffravity,. until Harry burst into a shout t' of langhie'r,, and tossed the bundle of embrdhlered flannel and blue ribbon sash into Uncle Jared's arms. . "It seems a comfortable affair enough," said that embarrassed per son. " Cry much, _eh ?" ' " The beSt child in the world!" said Mrs..MaN crick, feßently. " I dare say," said Uncle Jared. "Here—perhaps you'd better take it again, Jane Maria. I'm not used to holding babies, and this one seems rather loose-jointed and shaky about the arms." So Uncle Jared sat down to read the newspaper, while Hairy Maverick danced the übiquitous baby upon his knee, and. Maria 'made haste to clear away thel4upper dishes so that they could all go out to market in good time;. for Mrs: Maverick was a most thrifty and economical little house wife; and believed in the efficacy of Saturday;-,inight marketing. " Thin , i 4 s are al ways cheaper then." said MrZlaverick, "and I . do like to make a dollar go as far as pos sibly will: Harry isn't a rich'man. and my poor, dear father always used to say, 'EConomy is wealth.' " "Jane Maria," said Uncle Jared, viewing his nephew's wife, with an approving eye, "you are a sensible airl!" • "Oh," said Harry, laughing,. ‘i‘ we make a regular jubilee of our .Satur day nights, Jane Maria and I. You ought to see us sallying forth with, the market basket, and the baby, and the little brown leather purse." "It must be admirable, I'm suit," said Uncle Jared. _.. And as 'he was from the country, and had never seen a New York market lighted up of an evening. Harry .suggested , that his . Uncle should make one of the party. " It's as good as a theatre, Uncle Jared," said he. " Come 'along with, us, and see how the thing is done." " Oh, do come, Uncle Jared," said Jane Maria, clapping her .hands, "and - see what a capital manager I am !" And; ;Uncle Jared smiled benig. nantly, and acceded to the proposi tion without much 'urging. Uncle Jared had shaken his head and looked dubious when first Harry Maverick had got married. " Matrimony now-a-days isn't what it used to be', my boy," he had said. "Girls are apt to be extravagant, and young married people too often want to begin where their fathers and mothers leave oft" " 3tit Jane Maria isn't the least bit expensive in her tiste, Uncle Jared," pleaded Harry. "We are going to Housekeeping •in four rooms—and you should, see the beefsteak, pies and raised' hiseuit, she makes! ail she commenced half a' dozen shirts for me ; and she trims hei own hatsi and keeps an account of every cent she spends." " All !" said Uncle Jared, approv ingly. " That looks more like it," . And upon this, his first visit to tho wedded couple, he was delighted with. the pretty little black-eyed neice-in law, Who welcomed him so hospitably, improvised such a snug little sofa bed- for him, every night, before the parlor fire, and made his barley soup and mutton-broth exactly as he liked it. Ile had been inclined to think, itist at first, that the room was furnished extravagantly. . "A Biussels carpet ?" said he. "That was a prepent from my cousin," said :Jane Maria. "So old that she thought it was fit for nothi, ing but to cut up for rugs. But I washed it with borax anewater, and ripped it apart, and, turned all the breadths,• the freshest part in the middle, and now see how. nice it looks !" ' "And these elegant; red curtains, with the gilt cornices," said Uncle Jared, dubiously. " Hti, ha,ha!" - roared - Harry. " Only Turey red, with a border that she sewed on herself; and lined with four - cent uslin ; and the cor nice'7l is a strip'O smooth board .with . gold paper paste , on!" "And the mantel draperies?" said e.J i Unclared. _ "Cut out of my. old Turkish dress ing-gown," said Harry. "-And those - antique . Japanese vases ?" . . " Old-preserve-jars, that she deco rated at odd times," triumphantly asserted the young husband. " Upon my word," ,paid Uncle Jared, " I belieVe she's got Alladin's lamp hidden away in one of her apron pockets!" 'And so they nil started off, in high good bumor t to market, on that cold DECREED MISSING---A. BABY. I 81.00 per Annum In Advance: Saturday night-in FebruarY, with the baby bundled up in a white flannel' blanket,-,and a cap all 'bristling with loops of - narrow ribbon. r Mrs. Maverick had the purse, and rfarry parried a huge market basket, with aniaggressive handle and double lids, and to 'Uncle .Jared was intrust ed, the responsibility of the baby. 11111 " Don't slip on the ice, Uncle Jared," said Harry.' = . - "No, Flvon't," said : the bachelor, ," And carry the little dear verY carefully," added Jane•Aliria, wish fullYl. ' " I'll be sure and remember," said Uncle Jared, who-had never carried a baby befOie, an was Surprised to find how easyit was.. • The old lbackwoodsman,, Was de lighted with the glare and 'glitter of the market, the shopting vendrs,the crowding customer 4 the flaring lights, through which harry and Jane Maiid made their way, like skillful. pilots threading the perilous . intricacies of " ['furl gate,'' with- Uncle' Jared fol lowing blindly in the rear, with the _bah) , on one arm,.and' a turkey, wrap ped in a clean' linen cloth; on 'the other. • Presently they stopped at a counter to price pickled lambs' tongues. " Let me 'take, the basket,?' said Uncle Jared. " I've nothing to car= ry—Good ; land of Goshen! what hate I done with the baby ?" • And, secretly thankful that Jane Maria was too busy with the quality of the lamb's' tongues to notice'what he hit S saki, and that Harry Mavoick had just met an acqUaintarice, he hurried back to the last counter where. they had stopped • , " ForgOCyci i iir bundles, eh?"' said the , goodnat red - fruit-dealer, of whom they had bought -apples , -for Stinday's dessert. " I thought, likely you'd, be, back. directly. Here they be,.all safe and sound." And, with- nervous hand, Uncle Jared thrust the turkey into the bas ket—or at least what he supposed was the turkeywhere . it settled. down,upon a pound and a half of lamb-chops and a; bunbh of - celery; he shouldered the-other parcels, and overtook his nephew:and . niece, just as they hail begun, to.be a•little aux, ions aboutldiu. " Uncle Jared !" cried Harry ; "where hate you. been ?'' • "Just stepped - back to price some !4splint brooms and feather dusters,"l answered guilty „Uncle • , . Jared. . •" Is the baby warm and conifort able'?" qu'ioned Jane Maria. " Then if the marketing is all cont plete, my dear—" said Mi. Maveric - "It is, love," said Mrs. Maverick, consulting her tablets.. We'll go home," said Harry. The minute they .were once again within the' cosy `ilit which constitu ted Mrs." Maverick's little world, she thing off her shawl and bonnet, sat down in the cushioned rocking chain before the'tire, and held out both of her arms for the baby. "Now, Uncle Jared," said she, give me Tootsy Pootsy." - nothin g loth, .11 - Ciele Jared delivered. over the parcel, which was beginning to feel seriously heavy. " Why," Cried - Mrs. Maverick, " where is Its 'shawl ? Flannel at sixty cents a yard, thatl worked my self, in floss silk and saddlers' twist." " Shawl ?" said - I.Thcle Jared guilti ly, " isn't it there ? I'm sure I—" 4 . And how coil the precious dar ling is!" shrieked Mrs. Maverick, un - - rolling . the' wrappings. " 0-p-o-h ! it isn't the ,baby at all—it's the turkey !" ti W hat ?" thundered' Harry. " Eh I" faltered_ uncle Jared, star ing helplessly down at the portly proportion's of the turke y ,v!with } ' its feet sticking stiffly up in the air, and its head limply drooping Oyer Mrs. Maverick's - knee, " Where 'S;my baby?" cried Jane Maria; anal straightway went into hysterics on the hearth-rug before the fire. " Here's .my baby?" demanded Harry Maverick; taking his venera- ble relative by the cellar. " Ouch! Ouch!, 'Don't, oh oh,! don't choke me to death!" said uncle Jared. '" I must have left it on the counter where the oranges. and fil berts were, and' I didn't mean to, upon my word:and honor! Let'sto right back and see." But the 'fruit : dealer scoffed at them. " I gave the old gentleman all . his biindles," said he," every one. P'ye take me for ; a thief ?" "You didn't give him the baby r! shrieked. Maverick. • -` 1 "'Baby t' What baby ?" said the • ?. market-nrian.. "Mary alive, are you crazy ? There wasn't any baby." And, Harry Maverick, tearing his hair and loading' his bewildered uncle with i.execrations, l hastened to the neardst police station, - "My . ba•a-by was all that he .could, say; and he clung •to the bronze standard of the - big lamp by the p4:l lice_sirgeant's,Oesk. The officer !eyed him through an enormous pAir4ot .spectacles: - ?" -" A baby? Any thing happenkd'?"' " Lost !" said Harry, gulping down a great lump in hig throat. . . " When.?"• Said the sergeant,' . whip-, pi4g• out a. pencil.and preparing to make memoranda on a piece of paper. , But when.he heard all the particu lars he only laughed. " It's all right, •? said' he.. " needn't fret, my man. It'll turn up somewhere.. Babies. of that age are never lost long." Afid he ,otted down a few particu lars, and intimated to the distracted father that perhaps. he had better, stand aside and let the old woman with a basket, who had been robbed by her. servant maid, come forward: ." Those people are brutes !" gasped Maverick. • " Uncle 'Jared, let us gf)... I'll write to the Complaint Column about 'em. But first I'll go honie and try to comfort my poor, be reavell, . ; heart-broken wife !". .• Jane Maria was still weeping and bemoaning herself, the centre of . half a dozen maids and Matrons, Ilk were trying various mettiods!of con solation.. . . :..At the entrance of her , husband and his uncle, _she burst into fresh tears and sobs. 1,, Old. Mrs. Miller lifted the - market basket off One 'of the chairs, to Make ' - room for the new comer*. " I may as well put the.matketing away, Mrs. Miller thought. "Crying won't do no good, -folks must work." • _ Thus moralizing,-sic-'opened the lid of the basket. A small, squeaking sound - proceeded therefrom. Mrs. Miller recoiled in dismay; ,kt.My good grdcious!" she yelled. "What's the matter ?" cried all the maids and matrons in chorus. . " It's alive!" said Mrs. Miller. Jane Maria made -but one cl - a - t at the market basket; in another mo ment the infant heir of - the house of Maverick was roaring lustily in her maternal arms, with a prong of _eel erf sticking out behind its ears, and a slice or lamb•chcp adhering to its skirts. ' . NUMBER 50 . _ A lIKANSA.W ETIQUETTE'.-Lastoight two men from Philadelphia engaged in a (panel, at a - hotel in this city. After using 'all kinds of epithets, one of. the men .thrust ,his hand behind him as thOugh about tO draw a pistol and then took it away. The iparrel terminaled'without damage to either party: 11p old, man from ',South Arkansas shoOk hack his long hair,• ~and ttivancing- to the man-who bad - Made the hip-pocket motion, remark 'ed : Both of you men are strangers here; I reckon ?" -" Yes." " Not ad- • quainted, with our little rules qt politeness?"` " How ?" " Why,you pit your hand behind you just now." ° f )res." " You -didn't pull a.gun." I. haven't got . a gun:" "Now, -young man man, let me-give' you a 'piece of advice. While - you are in this country dun't.put,your h -and 'be hind you unless yon Intend to Shoot. - Don't even run , your 'band . in your pocket for a claw of tobacker. Don't . spit. .Don't you do your pardner; if he is an Arkansaw man, will jolt you. , You must learn these' little rules of !politeness. You may know, how .tO conduct yourself -at - church, but you've got a good many rules of. ,etiqUette to r learn:"—;Litqe Rock Gazette. Uncle Jared, had put thel*rong i bundle into the basket. . - • He remained six weeks,' an henored, guest of. the family ; but they never trusted - him to carry the baby again: " And I can't blame e'm for it," says uncle -Jared, - laughing, 1 1" The 'fact 17in - not used to babies,." PECULIARITIES OF NEW -114VE'S. CHiLDE.F.N.—A little daughter ,o'f r one of the Yale professors soinewbat' tonished her father the 'other day. White playing about tinder the table ,slie broke the handle of a basketishe found there. Gazing upon herhand iwork in dismay. she was silent fora . and then she used first • - words that•chanced to coin . &into her; • mindt bey 'were the words which send a shrill ot-. horror thOugh -all the " ?inafore " crews, namely: "Damn it, that-'s too bad." l .- - little boy, not the son of a Yale piofessor, was sayinglhis prayers . in this city the other night, when - his devotiobal frame of mind was smile- what:infringed upon by a _brother ' who has little apprefiensidn of the /t‘ sweet hour of prayer?" - The little fellow struLiakd between his sense of duty and hi 4 inclination for a - time, but finally compromised by saying: '," Please, Lott], excuse me while I 'punch my - brother Johnnie's a head,' Johnnie's head having been duly punched, the prayer was 'resumed and finished:— Ho rijiird. Courant,. --,~~~. J .-- pIFELIiENCE .131.ITIkEEN , ENGLISH AND A MERICAN'=GENTAY.--A . recent trip of the steamer City , of,Chester, orahe Inman gine, from New 178rk to Liverpool, was enlivened, by thg wit of a Washington girl;- who was the favorite passenger. "In .the same steamer was a young English snob, Who wore a suit of clothes of Very large plaid, with - a fatigue cap to match, a single eye-glass,,thiek,' sol ed boots, .spotted, shirt - and , loud' necktie.. He had that exasperating c l lrawl peculiar to English snobs. ' A w, yaas," said he, in conversation witlithe Washington girl, "I have .4 , en cousidewable of your country l have been to New ITawk, - -Chicago, ' ' rnahaw and other places, and it is ..a l gwate country, but you.daret seem .tO have any. gentwy in Amewica." " What do you call"gentry l'," asked the lady. " Aw,why pepple, - people . who live who live , without work." "Oh, yes; we Wive such people," an sweredthe lady, " but we don't call theni gentry." "Aw, then, what do you call them, pway 1! ‘' We call them, tramps." "Aw -- !"ll'ashington. Republic: A WESTERN JURTMAN.-ItCRS out West, in- one of those local Courts where-a friendly, talkative - way -marks the intercourse beiweenjudgeS, juries,. counsel and clients.. A man of, the law, after developing, - . , Oonsiderable eloquence and perspiration -in behalf of- a prisoner, perorated- by sayincr: " Centleman; after what) have stated to 'you, is this man guilty l? - ; , Can he be guilty ?, is he guilty ?L',, Gyoutly to his digust, the foreman on the jury, after a copious-expecto: ration, replied : You just . wait a little,. old boss, and we'll tell you-2' . As the poker player would say -: " Foreman had the age, and counsel= lor passed out."LHarpees Magazine Octokr.- • A CONTEMPORARY, sfpeaking,.ot;the use Of the word authoress; says: "The entire number 'of. English words denoting persons, which ipro .perly take the, . ess for such designa tion, is very small. 'majority Hof those are titles; where the discrimi nation is a matter of necessity. In addition. there are-some Words which loug usage has sanctioned. Of these,-are actor, actress ;,.benefactor, benefactress ; patron, patroness Poet means, simply, a person ,who -writes poetry; and author,: a person who writes poetry or prose: not .a man who writes, but a person who writes. Nothing, in either word, indicates sex. A-itAnn-rasssko debtor was- not at - all surprised when he got home - at night and -his wife told, him . that there *as no drarght in the chimney. "There' is no draft anywhere for me t he said. A MAN'swapped his horse . for a wife. Au old bachelor acquaintance said he'd bet there was something Wropg with the horse, or- its owner would never have fool. ed, it away in that yeckless manner. " Din.you see Baron Y.'s _hers° fall on his-jockey over that,hurdle?"- "Oh, yes! The jockey's killed, 'but the horse is all right." " Yes, I kuow. It. dm*, amount to anything; but the Baron . lutist have been featiullyScared." - Tilts is what is said of the Woman of the Period : She weighs . down her idiotic little skull with the decaying hair of dead women ; slie.puts her under the cen tre of her instep, so that, as (the' old. ne go) . ballad: . says, "do sole of her 100 t makes do bole in de gr4.)nit'.?- El
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers